Art of CompassionResponding to Grief, Loss

and Change

Dr. Janet Childs, AAETS-Diplomate

Bay Area Critical Incident Stress Management Team

Centre for Living with Dying program of Bill Wilson Center

What are Trauma & Stress?

OCCUPATIONAL

DELAYED

CUMULATIVE

ACUTE

TYPESOF

STRESS

Emotional trauma is similar to physical injury

Stress is the natural response to any

change or loss

Signs of Stress Response

Physical Symptoms

RelationshipIssues

Loss ofMeaning

Anger, Fear, Guilt, Sadness,

Loneliness

Isolation

Cascade Effect

Present loss is connected to past loss or crisis.

One loss perpetuates another.

All losses amplify each other creating a cascade effect.

A seemingly minor event can be the tipping/trigger point.

We can create a positive cascade.

Loss and change . . .

is a natural reaction.

involves reactions, thoughts, behaviors & feelings.

is social, physical, mental, spiritual & emotional.

knows no time.

has landmines.

comes in unpredictable waves.

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It is never too late to respond.

Dimensions of Change

Magnitude of Loss

Circle of Meaning

Spiral of reactions

Sensory, Time & Memory Triggers

Heart HotelBay Area CISM

PTSD now is PTSI

Can become PTG

Tending and Befriending*

OOC = Control

Isolation = Community

*Kelly McGonagal: The Upside of Stress

Heart Hotel

Everyone we love has a room in our heart hotel.

When they die or leave, no one can take their place in that room.

We can add rooms as we meet new people we wish to be in our heart.

Family Dynamics: Work and Home

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Judge each other on behaviors vs. feelings and

thoughts.

Each member has its own role and own loss.

Focus on individual experience, feelings and

needs.

Validate the strength of the family.

How to Support Others & Yourself: What is Needed

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Presence

Space

Listening

Acknowledgement

Honesty

Choice

Validation

Children, Youth and Loss

Honesty

Inclusion

Choice

Clarity

Information

Action steps

Basis of Support

Stay in the present moment.

Normalize grief/stress response.

Focus on most difficult issue RIGHT NOW.

Access what is needed RIGHT NOW.

No easy way over grief: Building the “New Normal.”

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Support for Illness and Loss

Honesty/ Information

Inclusion

Choice

Empowerment

Action Steps

Ability to support and be supported

Comfort

Circle of Meaning

People

Activities

Hopes & Dreams

Beliefs

Possessions

Internal Resources

The Village Within

Beliefs:

I will make a difference vs. I can make a difference by my presence

Who needs support/who can offer support

Action steps in community

Tools for Survival

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ACKNOWLEDGE

EXPRESS

ACT

RECONNECT

Remember as you walk forward….

Bay Area CISM

Be gentle with your own process.

What you do makes a difference in people’s lives.

We have today. Savor what’s good in your life

now.

Do something fun & life affirming for yourself in

the next 24 hours.