autistic self advocacy network webinar with autism now june 26, 2012

7/31/2019 Autistic Self Advocacy Network Webinar with Autism NOW June 26, 2012

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Sex & the SpectrumTeaching consent for now & later


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Who I AmLeah Grantham- Blogger and autistic self-

advocate at quixoticautistic.wordpress.comSpecialty: Autism and sexuality, positive

expression, healthy relationships


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It's Never Too Early to Start

I think part of the reason we have trouble drawing the line

'its not okay to force someone into sexual activity' is that

in many ways, forcing people to do things is part of ourculture in general. Cut that s*** out of your life. Ifsomeone doesn't want to go to a party, try a new food,get up and dance, make small talk at the lunch tablethats their right. Stop the 'aww cmon' and 'just this once'

and the games where you playfully force someone to

play along. Accept that no means noall the time.- Cliff Pervocracy


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Defining "Good Consent"

Just "consent" isn't enough

Consent has to be given freely, not compelled

Lack of a "No" "Yes"

Good consent takes place without coercion,pressure, threats, or bribery

Good consent involves all parties


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Obtaining Consent

Always ask first: Never. Presume. Consent.

Being aware of nonverbal signals- pushingaway, turning away, protective bodylanguage, "yes" or "no" signals

For verbal people: Frequently "checking in": Isthis okay? Is it okay if I do X? Would you

mind if I did Y?Consent can be revoked at any point

Safety words or signals can help


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Safety Words/Gestures

Pick one that's recognizable and easy toremember"Red Light"/"Green Light"

"Whoa There"

Lightly slap your partner someplace you canreach easily

Drop an object that will clatter loudly, like abrass cymbal or a bag of marblesKeep a flag or hanky in your hand to wave,like a "truce" flag


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Questions to Ask Yourself

Am I comfortable doing this?

Do I feel like I 'have to' do this?

Do I feel safe saying 'yes' or 'no' at any time?

Am I worried about my partner's reaction if Isay no?Am I doing this because I want to? Am I

doing this for my own enjoyment?How am I going to feel after this?Do I feel like my wishes are being respected?


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Questions to Ask Partners

Are you comfortable with this?

Would you like it if I did ___________?

Is this too much?

Would you like me to keep going?

Tell me if you want something different

Do we need to go faster/slower?

How are you doing?Everything good?


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Body Language & NonverbalSignals

Safety movement: Make a fist, shake yourhead, turn away, cross your arms etc etc.

Check in frequently with a nonverbal partner,look for positive body language or signals

Even verbal partners can benefit fromnonverbal signals, if their mouths are muffled

or if they're not articulate at all timesRemember: Consent and Desire are sexy


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How to Teach Respect & Consent

Practice what you preach

Your body is yours from birth

Consent is not Coerced

Always ask first

Even babies can give or take away consent, bypushing away, turning away, or fussing at

someone's touch

Don't give mixed signals

Even parents and caretakers have to ask for

consent


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Long Term Results of TeachingGood Consent

Respecting yourself and others

Feeling safer

Knowing your limits

Articulating and respecting a "yes" and a "no"

Healthy sexuality and sexual expression

A much happier society!


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More on Consent

http://www.peelregion.ca/health/sexuality/

Learning Good Consent Zine, Downloadable & Printable-

http://www.phillyspissed.net/node/32

http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/

Above all else- have fun, be safe, and respect yourself andothers!
http://www.peelregion.ca/health/sexuality/http://www.phillyspissed.net/node/32http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://radsexconsent.com/2012/05/20/ten-best-ways-to-practice-consent/http://www.phillyspissed.net/node/32http://www.phillyspissed.net/node/32http://www.peelregion.ca/health/sexuality/http://www.peelregion.ca/health/sexuality/


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Continue the discussion through our FORUMS!

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([email protected] ) if you experience any issues.

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autistic self advocacy network webinar with autism now june 26, 2012

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