awards night x
TRANSCRIPT
The Roast of Nick Klastava
AWARDS NIGHT X
Things we lost in 2016
Things we lost in 2016
America’s dignity
Sean’s shoulder
Fewer RTs from Sean
Things we lost in 2016
Things we lost in 2016
Nick’s virginity
2016 Highlights• ?????
2016 Lowlights• Literally everything
People who got married• Tuesday and Terence• Amy and Conrad• Carly and Jordan• Suzanne and Brad• Melissa and Dustin• Ellen and Tym• Kate and David
People who moved• Erik T. Orberg• Sara and Dan• Franco• Emily Hurley
People who got PhDs• Christa• Franco• Tym• Emily
People who ran a marathon faster than I did
• Dan Swain• Conrad Laskowski• Nate Brigham• Nick Klastava• Dustin Meeker• Nick Gehlsen• Jason Farber• Sean Caskey• Dan Miranda• ed aramayo• Mike Mashner• Thom Ripley• PJ Anderer• Michael Brown• Dave Ploskonka• Tom Stack• Will Knox• Ryan Stasiowski
• Greg Skipper• Scott Boylan• Dave Berdan• Pete Mulligan• Johnny Lyons• Max Hacker• Greg Lange• Kevin McGrath• Lisa Uible• Melissa Tanner• Emily Hurley• Emily Gispert• Denise Knickman• Ali Perry• Megan DiGregorio• Chrissie Ramsey• Bryn Burkholder• Marie-France Penet
• Jackie Range• Maggie Smith• Sara Damiano• Amy Flashenberg• Grace Rochfort• Stephanie Granlund• Chris Douville• Sarah Scott• Marci Benda• Trisha Feldhausen• Erin Feldhausen• Brennan Feldhausen• Jami Gobao• Emily Boss• Emily Shin• Jen Sheely• Darcy McDonald
Nicole Got a Job at Royal Farms
Baltimore Marathon Relay
Olive Garden Domination
With Lindsay moving to Baltimore, Thom’s gonna need a new best friend
Ice-CASK-pades
Biggest Gains
Tough Break
Planeteers - WIND
Jessica Chastain
Hotline Bling
Jordan Dillen
Mailman Award
Ryan McGrath
When Will We See You Again?
Mr. International
The Imitation Game
Worst Back Half of 2016
Presidential Fitness Test
Close but no Cigar
Wildest Moms
Lieutenant Dan
If Marky Mark and Shia LaBeouf Had a Kid
When u tryna be professional but also in a hurry
When Bryn tells people she rollerblades
What she thinks she looks like What she actually looks like
Best Almost Instagram Post
Having Trouble Controlling the Volume of My Voice
Best Climber
Charlie Browniest
Couldn’t Close Out the Race
Two of a Kind
Double Vision Award: Bryn
Most Aggressive
Biggest Flop
Beetlejuice Award
MILF of the Year
Adam Goucher Award
Best Nip Slip
20 Years Later and Still On Top
Even Stevens
Under the Radar
Anna Willard Award
Most Likely to be an Anonymous Henchman
Most Likely to be a Worker Moving Boxes on Law & Order
Toto Tribute Award
Paul Walker Memorial Award
0 to 60…and back to 0 Award
Clayton Bigsby Humanitarian Award
Pioneering Spirit Award
Most Likely to be at a Bernie Sanders Rally
Most Likely to be at a Different Rally…
Most Likely to Root for Russia
Most Likely to Root for the Bad Guy in Die Hard
Ryan Lochte Spirit Award
Best Picture of the Same Tree
Lord of the Ring(wood)
Lamest Interview
Best Interview
First Chris Hansen Interview
Most Likely to Ask for Advice then do the Exact Opposite
Gabby Douglas Participation Award
Best Irish Goodbye
Bryce Dallas Howard
Mr. Glass Award
Jagged Little Pill Award
Carlton Banksiest
Most Likely to be a Member of you-know-who
Yogi of the Year
Lewis & Clark & Sacagawea
Amy Adams
Never Forget
Closest to the Pin
Most Valuable Hands
Natalee Holloway Adventure Award
House of Cards Award
Sweet Valley High Award
Chasing the Dream
Throwback Thursday
Isla Fisher
Sean Caskey (r) in 2036
20 Questions Award
Most Likely to Only Talk About Running
“Hey Emma, I’m going to the Olympics too…I just haven’t qualified yet.”
Best Attitude
There’s the right way to run a marathon…
And there’s the ALT RIGHT
There’s No Cheese on my Burger
Best Post-Race Excuses
Great Start Award
The New Grandpa in Modern Family
Bert & Ernie Award
Bert & Ernie Award
Which one is Jessica Chastain?
Which one is Amy Adams?
Most Photogenic
Young Thelma and Louise
Most Prepared
Least Prepared
Coach’s Award
Comeback(s) of the Year
Bryn and Sean
Rookies of the Year
Kendra and Michael
Breakthrough Performers
Meg D and Rich
Most Improved: Constance and Chris
Best Olympic Moment
Molly Huddle Outstanding Performer
Most Outstanding Performer (Female)
Galen Rupp Most Outstanding Performer
Most Outstanding Performer (Male)
Performances of the Year• Nick – Atlantic City Marathon• Nate – Delaware Marathon• Andy – Jacksonville Half• Conrad – LA Marathon• Rich – RM Classic
• Emily G – Broad Street• Denise – Baltimore Marathon• Carly – Brian’s Run• Emily H – Philly• Meg D - JFK
Performances of the Year
2016 Hall of Fame Inductees• Tom Stott• Terence Baptiste• Amy Horst• Kris Simms• Emily Hurley