vs. cribsleeping

cosleeping

exclusive survey

The second most-dreaded question for new parents after

“Is your baby sleeping?” (Answer: “Well, yes, for forty-

five–minute stretches, but not during the night, and only

after I conduct a two-hour–long routine including feeding,

swaddling, singing, rocking, and an ancient tribal sleep

dance”) is “Where does he sleep?” That’s because the

response is usually just as complicated and the people who

ask are often ready to pass judgment on it. At least, that’s

what more than 6,000 of you told us in our national survey

about sleep habits, in which we set out to determine the

differences between parents who put their babies down to

sleep at night in a crib (for convenience’s sake, we’re calling

Who’s getting

more zzz’s?

60% of crib-sleeping tots were snoozing through the

night by 6 months, compared with 41% of co-sleepers

september 2008 • babytalk 57

where does your baby spend the night?by Patty Onderko photographs by Laura Moss

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58 babytalk • september 2008

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them “crib-sleepers”) and those who share a family bed

with their children (co-sleepers). Here, an illuminating

peek into the night lives of new families:

“now, that’s crazy!”When we were creating this survey, we imagined a giant

pillow fight, with moms on one side of the bed yelling

“Safety!” and a posse on the other shouting “Bonding!”

And we did hear those battle cries: Nearly half of all

crib-sleepers admitted that they think co-sleepers are

“irresponsible” and that parents who share a family bed

are “putting their baby’s life at risk.” Another 39 percent

think that co-sleeping parents are spoiling their baby. “I

know people who still have a three-year-old in bed with

them because the kid won’t sleep alone. Now, that’s crazy!”

exclaims Patty Queen, a mom of two in Marion, North

Carolina. “Come on, people, you are only making it hard

on the kids by keeping them in the bed with you.” Another

crib proponent, Esther Tune of Henderson, Nevada,

considers co-sleeping to be “the easy option.” “I never

brought my kids into my bed—even though it would have

been easier. I believe they’re safer in their own crib.”

So what about the safety issue? In a 2005 policy state-

ment, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) warned

that bed-sharing was associated with an increase in sud-

den infant death syndrome (SIDS) and strongly recom-

mended against the practice. “There is no evidence that

co-sleeping can be done safely,” adds John Kattwinkel,

M.D., chairperson of the AAP’s Task Force on SIDS.

No wonder moms who co-sleep are twice as likely to

feel judged compared with crib-sleepers. In their defense,

co-sleepers cite the work of James McKenna, Ph.D., an

anthropologist whose research shows SIDS rates to be

lower in countries where co-sleeping is the norm, and the

attachment-parenting theories of Babytalk contributing

editor William Sears, M.D. (Both experts believe

parents can—and must—co-sleep safely; see

Askdrsears.com for guidelines.) In fact, co-sleepers

were just as likely to choose their sleeping

arrangement for safety reasons as crib-sleepers. And they

also slung some arrows: 40 percent of moms who planned

to co-sleep believe that parents who use a crib won’t have

as close a bond with their babies as they do; another 20

percent feel that crib-sleepers are “selfish” and “only

Forget the crib and the family bed—20% of all respondents

say their baby sleeps in a car seat, bouncer, swing, or stroller

THE PLAN THE REALITY

11%of expectant parents

planned to co-sleep

with their babies

42% ended up sharing a

family bed once the

baby arrived

96% of expectant parents

planned to put their

babies down to sleep

in their own cribs

75% used the crib

once the baby

arrived

14% of expectant parents

planned to use a

co-sleeper attached

to their bed

5% ended up using the

special bassinets

Percentages total more than 100 percent because respondents could choose more than one option.

Doctor Who?

70% of crib-sleepers say their pediatrician fully supports their decision

about where their baby sleeps

Only 23% of co-sleepers report the same

best-laid plansBabies sure know how to throw wrenches, especially

in the middle of the night!

BBT0908SUR3A 58 7/24/08 5:50:45 PM

thinking of their own sleep.” “Babies grow up more secure

when they sleep with their moms for the first year of their

lives,” contends Phasinee Brown of Kansas City, Kansas.

giving up controlThe majority of parents agreed, however, that in the quest

for rest, one size does not fit all babies. “After having three

children,” Trenny Suggs of Spring Hill, Tennessee, told us,

“I have learned that you have to do whatever is necessary

to help your children sleep.” And for many of you, that

means changing your game plan. According to our results,

only 11 percent of moms actually planned to co-sleep with

their babies, but a whopping 42 percent ended up doing

so once their little bundles arrived (see “Best-Laid Plans”

on the previous page). “During my pregnancy, I studied

controversial topics, such as co-sleeping, and thought I

knew what I would do,” shared one reader in California,

who swore that she wouldn’t co-sleep but now spends

every night in bed with her 5-month-old daughter. “But

children set their own schedules. I never understood that

having a baby means giving up complete control.”

the perfect sleep solutionFor all the stress that surrounds getting your baby to

sleep, it’s helpful to remember—in a twisted sort of way,

we admit—that 51 percent of you report being tired all the

time, regardless of whether your tot snoozes in a crib or in

your bed. In other words, there’s no right or wrong answer

to that frustrating question “Where does your baby

sleep?” As Jaclyn Petrin of Princeton, New Jersey, said, “I

hope this survey helps parents understand that there is

no perfect sleep solution. If there is, please let me know

what it is.” Sorry, Jaclyn, no such luck.

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60 babytalk • september 2008

what parents say about…

co-sleeping crib-sleeping I had a natural birth, I

breastfeed, my husband

and I wear our baby, and

we co-sleep. Our baby’s

needs are met.”

—Melissa Armstrong,

Costa Mesa, CA

There isn’t anything

sweeter than waking up

to a baby all cuddled up

next to you!” —Emily

Payne, Bakersfield, CA

Both of my children

sleep in the bed with me.

My spouse doesn’t like

that it gets in the way of

our sex life, but I couldn’t

care less about that.”

—Lori Anderson,

Camden, SC

I feel safer feeling my

baby’s every little twitch

and hearing her breathe

next to me.” —Garyn

Johnson, Wasilla, AK

When my husband

was deployed, it felt bet-

ter to have my daughter

next to me.” —Eva Stroup,

Altus, OK

Nothing is better than

the look on my son’s face

when his father and I

enter his room to get him

out of his crib after a long

night’s sleep.” —Kelli

Kudrick, Denver

Our son doesn’t have

to hear us roll over, snore,

or go to the bathroom in

the middle of the night.

And my husband and I

like having the bedroom

to ourselves so we can be

husband and wife, not

just baby caretakers!”

—June Huff, Delaware, OH

I

wanted

my kids to

get used to their cribs so

that they’d have one less

transition to make, since

there are so many transi-

tions babies have to go

through.” —Donna Barber,

Alexandria, VA

My sister’s kids are

seven and eight and

still sleep with her for

half the night. I don’t

want that for my family.”

—Jenny Wohlrabe,

Prescott Valley, AZ

WoulD you Do it again?

77% of crib-sleepers would definitely choose the same sleeping

arrangement for another child

52% of co-sleepers would be completely willing to share

the family bed again

Patty OnderkO is a Babytalk senior editor. Her toddler

twins sleep in their cribs…most of the time.

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Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission.