bar/bat mitzvah supplement to jewish standard, june 2015

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Larry YudelSon

dr. Joshua Jacobson wrote the book on trope.

You know trope: The little squiggly curves and lines in the

printed text of the Torah and haftorah that indicate the melody of its chant.

When you study to chant from the Torah for the first time, you can eas-ily assume that the trope were added to make the bar and bat mitzvah more rite-of-passage worthy, the product of a committee that felt reading from a Hebrew text without vowels or punctua-tion wasnt hard enough.

In fact, says Dr. Jacobson, the trope are not arbitrary musical notation. They represent a multileveled system of punctuation, indicating connections and pauses between words that goes back more than a thousand years.

He spelled this out in detail in his book, Chanting the Hebrew Bible,

published by the Jewish Publication Society in 2002.

At one thousand pages, just lifting it could be a rite of passage.

And it raises the question: How does one write a huge book on a handful of little symbols?

We show the combinations of the taamim thats the Hebrew word for trope and how they make sense and how that can help you learn them, he said.

Many hundreds of pages are on the predictability of the trope if you under-stand the syntax of the Hebrew sen-tence they adorn.

Most people dont really understand that there is a logic to the placement of taamim, he said.

Dr. Jacobson didnt either, until 20 years ago.

He had chanted from the Torah even

before his bar mitzvah, back in junior congregation. He continued to read from the Torah after his bar mitzvah, and later he started teaching it as well. Now a professor of music at Northeast-ern University, Dr. Jacobson also teach-es cantillation to cantorial students at Bostons Hebrew College.

But all this time, he thought that the choice of which trope go with which words was an aesthetic choice.

Then he learned that there was a sys-tem behind the trope.

It turns out that its a semantic thing, a form of elaborate punctuation.

Its not the notes that matter most, he said. Its the rhythm. Just as written English can indicate pauses with dif-ferent punctuation; semicolons divide but don't end sentences, while com-mas pause them and dashes bring a greater pause while joining other words so too do trope serve to separate and connect words.

Accordingly, the trope indicate where words should be chanted together, and which need a pause afterward.

Understanding this system makes you a better Torah reader, he said. All of a sudden the chanting makes sense. The most important thing is doing a clear and expressive reading so people

In written English, we use periods, semicolons, and commas to indicate a separation between ideas. Punctuation that separates ideas is called disjunctive. Furthermore there is a hierarchy of disjunctives: A period is a stronger separator than a semicolon, which is a stronger separator than a comma, which is a stronger separator than no punctuation at all. We use hyphens to connect words. Punctuation that connects words is called conjunctive.Lets see how this works in Hebrew. In the Book of Numbers, we read about the number of Israelites who died in the plague: . But what is that number? Is it (four-and-twenty thousand, i.e., 24,000)? Or is it (four and twenty-thousand, i.e., 20,004)?To clarify such ambiguous phrases, the Tiberian scholars designated some of their accent marks as disjunctives (separators), and others as conjunctives (joiners). The accent merekha ( ) is a conjunctive; it indicates that its word isconnected in meaning to the word that follows. The accent tippea ( ) is a disjunctive; it usually indicates that its word is less connected in meaning to theword that follows.

So indicates 24,000, while indicates 20,004.It is also important for us to understand the hierarchy of the disjunctive accents. The accent tippea ( ) is a disjunctive. The accent tevir ( ) is alsoa disjunctive. But tippea is a stronger disjunctive than tevir. See how importantthat is for a proper understanding of the following words (Exodus 21:15) .Usually I hear that verse read with a pause after and no pause after . Theimplications of that reading are ungrammatical and absurd.Reading (pause) would mean If a person strikes his father, his mother will be put to death. The proper phrasing is (pause) . The actual meaning is, He who strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death.These Tiberian accent marks are called teamim, or taamey ha-mikra. In classical Hebrew, the word taam means sense or reason. Thesesymbols help us make sense of the reading.

, . Had I not seen the punctuation of the teamim, I would not have known how to interpret this verse correctly.Rashi (11th century)

- 1 -

Holy PunctuationOne-thousand page book delves into nuances, history of Torah trope

Inset, Dr. Joshua Jacobson, author of Chanting the Hebrew Bible.

The melli uous cantillation of the Torah trope as we

know it today is not simply musical, but among the earliest codi ed

versions of grammar.

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understand what youre reading about.Not understanding the pausal values

of the trope which indicate a smaller pause, and which a greater one can lead to mistakes. Dr. Jacobson gives the example of Exodus 21:15: umakeh aviv vimo mot yumat One who strikes his father and his mother shall surely die. The etnachta under vimo should always get the longest pause, which punctuates the sentence like this: One who strikes his father and his mother: shall surely die. But the tvir trope under aviv is rarer than the etnachta, so it can be tempting to give it greater empha-sis, and a longer pause afterwards. That would punctuate the sentence like this: One who strikes his father: And his mother shall surely die. Ooops!

Dr. Jacobson doesnt expect 12-year-olds to read his book, or even the short-er students edition, which focuses more on the practical, less on the theo-retical, and is designed to be more user friendly. He would like their teachers, however, to study it.

So many of the people who teach bar mitzvah students teach the wrong things or ignore some important

things, he said.If the teachers are aware of the sub-

tleties, they can model the right kind of chanting for their students.

One thing students can do is to understand the words theyre chanting.

If they understand the words, they can have it make sense. Thats the most important thing: to have it make sense. You cant ignore the timing. As the comedians say, timing is everything. Its the same thing in reading the Torah, he said.

Even people who are tone deaf, God forbid, can give an expressive reading, with inflection of the words, even if they dont hit the right notes, he said. If they understand the words, they can have it make sense.

Thats the task because the role of the Torah reader, he said, is to channel these sacred words into the congrega-tion.

The cantor takes the prayers of the congregation and, if you will, sends them up to God. In this sense, when we chant from the Torah, were taking the words of God and bringing them down to the congregation.

The secret origin of Torah tropeLarry YudelSon

Where did they come from, those lit-tle trope characters?

From the same place and time as the dots and dashes of Hebrew vow-els: Tiberias, on the Sea of Galilee, between the 8th and 10th centuries.

Our oldest books of the Torah and Tanakh as opposed to scrolls are from about a thousand years ago. They have trope and vowels. Figuring out the proper vowels and tropes was a major project of Jews in that time and place a group known as the Masoretes, from the word masorah, tradition. They used tradition as well as rules of grammar to figure out how to properly pronounce and chant the text. And they used symbols that they invented to record their decisions per-manently.

In coming up with the symbols for trope, said Dr. Joshua Jacobson, they based themselves on hand signals used to prompt Torah readers on the trope that had already been in use for quite a while.

The Bible had always been chant-ed. Now it was being solidified and codified, he said.

Those oldest Bibles with vowels and trope look remarkably similar to a modern Bible. You chant the Bible from this thousand year old book. Its extraordinary, he said.

You can check out a reproduction of the oldest such text, known as the Aleppo Codex, at http://www.alep-

pocodex.org. Copied around 920 C.E., it was verified, including the trope, by Aaron ben Asher, the last of the dynasty that led the masoretic proj-ect. It ended up in Cairo, where Mai-monides used it. It spent 600 years with the Jewish community of Alep-po, Syria. It was smuggled to Israel in 1958. (In 2013, journalist Matti Fried-man gave the story its due in his book, The Aleppo Codex: In Pursuit of One of the World's Most Coveted, Sacred, and Mysterious Books.)

But what about the actual tones of the trope? If they go back, why do Ashkenazi and Sephardi communities have different melodies?

For starters, Dr. Jacobson said, There are many different Ashkenazic and Sephardic traditions, not only one.

Despite the differences, you can hear a lot of similarities among them when you listen closely.

It makes you think theyre varia-tions of an original version that goes back many years ago.

The earliest musical notation of the trope, he said, is from around 1500 using a medieval German style of notation.

Germans were influenced by the German music around them. Yemenites were influenced by the Arab music around them. But theres a common core that is discernible to be similar, he said.

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A Very Special Bar Mitzvahyoungster is first student at Glen rock Jewish Centers Kulanu at the bimaHeidi Mae BrATT

Sean Glassett had a very special bar mitzvah.

Not only was it held on Rosh Chodesh, the first day of the

new month, and on Shavuot, the first time the Jewish people received the Torah, but Sean also has the distinc-tion of being the first student from Glen Rock Jewish Centers Kulanu program to become a bar mitzvah.

Sean, who attends the 5th grade at the H.B. Mines School in Fair Lawn, is in the language-based learning-disabled class, and is classified as autistic. But it did not stop him from enthusiasti-cally pursuing his Jewish education or his desire to mark his entry into Jewish adulthood just like his three older sib-lings before him Samuel, 20, Robert, 18, and Charlotte, 15, said his mother, Ellen Glassett.

He was so excited about his bar mitzvah, said Ellen, who lives in Fair Lawn.

From studying with Glen Rock Jewish Cen-ter Rabbi Neil Tow, to attending Shabbat ser-vices with his father, Robert, to learning with fellow students at Kula-nu, the day was going to be a special one based on everyones support and love for Sean, said his mother.

I know that the whole idea of the bar mitzvah is not about a big party and not about how much Hebrew you know, but it is the day you stand up and say that I am responsible for my own actions as a

member of the Jewish community and as a Jew, said Ellen. And I knew this would happen for Sean.

He even got into the dressing part, she said. Sean is always wearing T-shirts and elastic band pants, but he said to me, I need a suit for my bar mitzvah.

In addition to learning at Kulanu and preparing for his bar mitzvah, Sean stays very busy. He is a Boy Scout in Troop 53 in Rad-burn and participates in Tae Kwon Do. His hobbies include Nintendo video games and trying out the cooking techniques of var-ious fast food restaurants.

At his bar mitzvah on the bima he made every-one very proud. Sean recit-ed the blessings on the Torah and a portion of the reading. His brother Rob-

ert and sister did the haftorah, and his mother gave the Dvar Torah. It was a family affair.

I was at the bar mitzvah and I was sitting there and I couldnt stop cry-ing, said Rachel Blumenstyk, education

director of the Glen Rock Jewish Center. He was so happy. He made everyone so proud.

In its second year, the Kulanu (which means our in Hebrew) Hebrew school program is designed for youngsters with special needs who are 7 to 13 years old. The students are taught basic Jewish practices, culture, music and more. Because the program is growing, Ms. Blumenstyk said, next year, the Hebrew school will be offering classes for two different levels.

Rabbi Tow, who tutored Sean for his bar mitzvah, called the experience a privilege.

Sean is a happy and sweet and thoughtful young man. He was always happy to be at the service and more than willing to participate when asked to lead something, and also very com-fortable doing it.

They are a wonderful family, and for the community it was such an uplift-ing experience to share that occasion; it was especially powerful to come to the Torah on Shavuot.

We all have access to the Torah, and we were all at Sinai and all journeying together. This is the spirit of Kulanu and why we created it.

Sean Glassett

Jewish Standard S-7


most unique ideas, a mitzvah project resource section, a vendor directory to connect parents and suppliers, a mom-to-mom advice section and the readers favorite, mitzvah family spotlight sto-ries, based on actual celebrations.

Having used the Internet to offer thousands of families advice on how to plan their celebrations, she embarked on the next step that is simplifying their simcha. She remembers losing her dining room table for three months because it was loaded up with stacks of brochures, address lists, flyers and other information.

Why not use technology again to solve the problem? Thus she created Mitzvah Organizer (www.mitzvahorga-nizer.com), which keeps track of all the details involved in arranging the entire celebration. Mothers are thinking about their events all their time, so Mitzvah Organizer is with them 24/7, stored in the cloud and available on a laptop, tab-let and phone.

The next challenge in building Mitz-vah Organizer was to replay the con-versations she had with parents and create what would be most helpful in making their lives easier. Knowing how busy parents are she established a few ground rules, enter data only once and enable them to easily share information in different formats, reports, spread-sheets and summaries with key part-ners: Rabbis, caterers, calligraphers, etc. If Mitzvah Organizer wasnt easy to use and comprehensive, it really didnt solve their problems.

The next step was organizing Mitz-vah Organizer. Ms. Lapidus identified all the components she could think of and grouped them into logical categories. The program is structured around the main areas such as invitations, table assign-ments, temple honors and other logis-

tics. What she is most proud of about Mitzvah Organizer is that she used her years of experience and thousands of conversations with parents to try to think of everything. The program accounts for the different permutations for address-ing envelopes, sizes of party favors, song lists for candle lighting, transportation assignments for bus captains and other

mundane details, that when not cov-ered present a problem. Of course, the software had to address one of the most important tasks, budgeting. The program can track it down to the penny, estimates, actual costs and payments.

When the business grew too big for her to handle on her own, she sold it in 2012 to Davler Media Group, which already had a bar bat mitzvah maga-zine and party showcase business. Now she is the mitzvah executive and over-sees a staff of other mothers, who pro-duce multi-media services to help par-ents throughout the world with the bar bat mitzvah process. She is constantly hearing about all aspects of the bar bat mitzvah experience, sharing it with the world and building a commercial enter-prise. Just think it all started when she began stressing over planning her own daughters bat mitzvah.

Sheri Lapidus learned the ropes with her own childrens bar and bat mitzvahs.

Head not in the CloudsMitzvah Organizer uses latest technology to simplify the simcha

Mitzvah Mom Sheri Lapidus is at it again, using her knowledge and experience to make it easier for families to plan their

bar and bat mitzvahs. She has developed Mitzvah Organiz-

er, software that resides in the cloud to help parents keep track of all the plan-ning details for their special occasion. Having managed both her childrens bar and bat mitzvahs, she knows the many details and arrangements that had to be

tracked. Her conclusion was there must be an easier way.

Ms. Lapidus launched Mitzvah-Market.com in 2008, a widely used and comprehensive bar bat mitzvah resource. She and her friends were try-ing to find a place that could answer their many questions, but couldnt find a single source with the answers, so she created it, a website. Over the years, it has grown to include more than 2,000 articles filled with the newest,

A table cluttered with papers and brochures before Mitzvah Organizer comes along to clean things up.

It all started when she began stressing

over planning her own daughters

bat mitzvah.

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Whatever Suits YouFrom formal to casual, dressing the bar mitzvah boy is always specialHeidi Mae BrATT

A boy only gets one bar mitzvah and one chance to look the part. That is why parents go to such lengths to make sure

their son has the best suit and one that suits him best for his big day.

From custom-made to off-the-rack, from formal wool suits with Italian labels to hip jacket and slim pants ensembles, fashion mavens all agree that it is wise to shop early, and preferably in person at the store as opposed to online to diffuse the stress of the big event, which has more than just the suit-buying ele-ment to consider.

It also helps to make the suit buy-ing a very important and memora-ble piece of the bar mitzvah special in and of itself.

Diana Yomtobian, owner of Monte Carlo in Westwood, has witnessed many young boys cross the thresh-old from boyish T-shirt and jeans into spiffy and elegant young manhood once they don the fine tailored threads.

They put on the suit and then it gets measured by the tailor, and they go to the mirror and all of a sudden, they look like a completely different person, said Ms. Yomtobian. This is the beginning of manhood and they see it physically, manifesting itself by wearing that suit.

In fact, said Rob Roselli, who works with his father Mario Roselli, owner of Vero Uomo in Englewood, he him-self remembers his first fine suit, purchased not for his bar mitzvah Roselli is not Jewish but for his

communion, another religious mile-stone. The suit was a black one, acces-sorized by a white shirt and yellow tie.

I loved it so much, recalled Rosel-li. I was so bummed that I would only get to wear it on one occasion that I kept wearing it for birthdays and other events.

Now he helps other boys get their rite-of-passage suits.

Most of the bar mitzvah boys wind up with suits in either navy or black, basic colors, and choose a dress shirt and tie that goes with the color scheme or theme of their big day.

We try to make it an extra spe-cial time for the family. We offer cof-fee and make everyone comfortable, said Mr. Roselli.

Its an emotional time, too.Dressed to the nines with this DKNY suit from Vero Uomo in Englewood.

Jewish Standard S-11

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Roselli recalled one bar mitzvah mother who started to cry once she saw her little boy all decked out in his suit.

Popular off-the-rack brands include DKNY, Michael Kors and Hickey Free-man in sizes 8 to 20.

Sometimes, boys also will opt for a blazer, often navy, or pair of slacks, in gray or even more casual, in khaki, for a sportier bar mitzvah look.

For teenagers, image is everything. Parents want their sons to feel good about themselves and what theyre wearing. Thats why the look of the suit should be in style and on-trend.

A popular look right now is a suit with straight-fitted, non-pleated pants and a two-button jacket with notched lapel.

Choosing the right color is impor-tant, too. A color that is much easier to wear more than once is a good idea. Conservative shades in gray, blue and black, and in a solid color instead of a pattern, are sometimes better bets.

At Monte Carlo, Ms. Yomtobian said that she offers a 20 percent discount for bar mitzvah suits and has a selection that includes all wool, lightweight Ital-ian made-brands including Luca Monti and Giorgio Valenti.

Paired with a dress shirt that is not solid, but has a design on the inside cuff

or collar, and the shirt can go from the bar mitzvah day to be worn on other days as well.

Another trend Ms. Yomtobian has seen is that the generations get involved.

I see a lot of grandparents who are coming in and are buying the suits for their grandsons, she said.

It becomes a family affair, with grandparents, parents and the boy gath-ering for the suit buying experience.

They come in together and they are actually so happy. Its the whole mish-pacha, she quipped, using the Hebrew word for family.

If a boy wants a bit of a hipper look, great choices could be found at Marcias Attic for Kids in Englewood.

Boys like to emphasize their indi-viduality and they can do that by adding their own unique touch to the suit, like a bow tie or a uniquely patterned tie or by wearing converse sneakers, said Susan Silverstein, buyer at Marcias Attic for Kids.

And when its not their turn on the bima, but they are a guest at their friends bar or bat mitzvah, Ms. Silver-stein said, the same boys like to dress up chic in jeans and a patterned dress shirt.

Said Ms. Silverstein, Then they are dressed up, but dressed down.

On trend looks from Marcias Attic for Kids in Englewood.


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Shopping and Finding More than the Bar Mitzvah SuitHeidi Mae BrATT

If the suit makes the man, does the man make the suit?

There were months of preparation for the bar mitzvah.

Lessons for leyning (reading the Torah), and practice, practice, practice.

Getting the precious tefillin.Setting other plans and details in place.And then, there was the suit.The Bar Mitzvah Suit, a sartorial sym-

bol of manhood, of the day of import, its very purchase a rite of passage for the young man.

When our son Yehuda and his class-mates turned 13, there was a flurry of bar mitzvahs. Some near. Some far. Always fun.

The first bar mitzvah of the class was at a beautiful and august synagogue. The bar mitzvah boy was so skilled, so confi-dent, and so good in his rendition. It was a bar mitzvah that set the bar high. I also remember his suit. The young man wore it with pride. Powder blue and three pieces: jacket, pants and vest. It was very 1980s, I thought. In fact, it was. This suit was the

bar mitzvah boys fathers own bar mitz-vah suit that he saved for many years, and tailored to his sons specifications for his special day. How lovely, I thought.

We had no such apparel heirloom. Besides, powder blue didnt play anymore. So when Yehudas suit shopping time came, I whisked him from school and brought him into Brooklyn to hunt for his perfect suit. Armed with recommenda-tions for those who came before moth-ers who already went through the pur-chase I had two places in mind. I timed our sojourn to squeeze both in, but not before we made a stop for food. School let out in the early afternoon and we were hungry. Besides, its always a good idea to fortify before a shopping experience.

We went to our favorite pizza shop on a busy commercial strip in the heart of Flatbush. Before leaving, I asked the counterman if he knew of any shops on the block that might have bar mitzvah suits.

Well, theres one across the street that is pretty reasonable, he said, And if you want to go a little higher end, theres Rosa Englander.

Rosa Englander? How could I forget?!It was right there, right under my nose.Rosa Englander was where my father,

of blessed memory, bought his suits. It was where my mother, of blessed mem-ory, took him (schlepped him) and my brothers to purchase theirs.

The store was rife with family history.Excitedly, I paid the bill and went a few

streets down and walked into the store, curious.

Would you happen to have a suit for my sons bar mitzvah?

Sure.Is Rosa Englander still here?No, but her children still own the

store, he said, explaining that Mrs. Eng-lander, a fine European woman, had passed away some time ago.

I whipped out the iPhone and pushed record to capture the memory of shopping there. How my father would kvell.

My beloved father. He had battled so valiantly. With such courage. And even though his chances were slim that he would win against cancer, he would always say, I just want to make it to the bar mitzvah.

The grandchildren, Yehuda, and his sister Shaina, were the apples of my fathers eye.

The saleswoman, who spoke not with a Polish accent, but with a newcomer Russian accent, showed me suits in Yehudas size.

And there, hanging amid the black and navy suits, was the one.

It was an Italian-made wool in a beauti-ful shade of blue with a thin light blue win-dowpane design. It was a size 17. Not 16. Not 18, but 17, an odd size.

This is it, I said.Yehuda tried in on.It fit. Perfectly. As if it were custom

made.Of course, I thought.This was handpicked. It was waiting for

Yehuda, a gift from his Zaidy.Does the suit make the man? Did the

man make the suit?It was crazy, no? To think such

thoughts.But all I knew at that moment, was

when Yehuda went to the bima for his bar mitzvah, that suit or no suit, he would be wrapped in all the love that his Zaidy had ever given him.


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Keep Your eye on the Prizedont sweat the details or lose focus on the meaning of the day yVeTTe aLT Miller

My sons bar mitzvah was beautiful and we all were so proud, but I realized I made some mistakes. Here are my biggest blunders and what Id do differently.

Being deTAil-oBSeSSedFor me, it was the centerpieces on the tables during Shabbat lunch. There were plenty of details to orga-nize, but for some reason I got hung up on the flow-ers. With gorgeous centerpieces, I was sure, the room where we were having Kiddush would look great without them, I pictured it looking terrible.

As the weeks went by, I talked about the center-pieces constantly: everyone had good ideas, and I lis-tened to them all. A friend and I arranged to buy flow-ers the day before the bar mitzvah from a wholesaler. I arrived at the wholesaler on Friday morning only to be absolutely crushed. Something had happened to the shipment, and there were no flowers to buy, no gorgeous bouquets to arrange.

That night, our family and friends gathered for Shabbat dinner and a few lonely flowers Id hast-ily purchased from a local supermarket adorned the

tables. Its beautiful, one relative said. The room looks great, said another. After months of planning and hours of debate, nobody cared.

I didnt need to drive myself crazy making every-thing super-perfect. A nice meal with family and friends made the evening perfect.

PuTTing on A SHoWA couple months before my sons bar mitzvah, one of his teachers asked, Why are you pushing him so hard? My son was planning to do a lot during Shab-bat services, and I was encouraging him every step of the way. Until his teacher pointed out my son was get-ting stressed. Perhaps my encouragement was more like relentless pressure instead.

A good friend who is a child psychologist once told me she advises parents to stop and ask themselves what is motivating them: are they trying to do whats best for their children or for themselves?

Why was I pressuring my son so much? Was it to show off? As the stress mounted, I realized it certainly wasnt for his benefit.

That teachers question was a turning point. My


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husband and I had a long talk with our son and scaled back some of our expec-tations for him. He still led a lot of the service at his bar mitzvah and show-cased his knowledge and achievements, but with fewer expectations and a lot less stress.

ForgeTTing WHAT iTS All ABouTWeve all heard those stories of over the top bar and bat mitzvah parties more bar than mitzvah and of course, we tell ourselves, were not at all like that. Wed never lose sight of the mean-ing in planning an event for our kids.

But I nearly did. Once the service started, I found myself going over and over all the details for the luncheon to follow in my mind: instead of focusing on what was taking place right before my eyes, I was distracted by less impor-tant details.

It took a huge effort to redirect my attention and really concentrate on what was taking place right before my eyes. There was my son, leading the ser-vice, reading from the Torah. At the con-clusion of the Torah service, my hus-band went up and recited a traditional bar mitzvah blessing over our son. I felt tears prickling my eyes as the enormity of what we were celebrating finally hit

me: our son is now responsible for his own decisions and religious observance. He can read from the Torah, lead servic-es, and act on behalf of the community. Moreover, at 13, the mystical sources explain that he receives the capacity to move away from being selfishly focused and start thinking of others as well. It was an awesome moment, and Im glad I didnt miss it while thinking about seating arrangements or the finer points of our menu.

leTTing THe MoMenT SliP BYA few months ago, we attended a neph-ews bar mitzvah, and I was struck by something his mother told him. Look around you, she said. Youre sur-rounded by everyone you love at this instant. Dont let the moment slip by.

I thought of her words just before the Shabbat service ended at my own sons bar mitzvah. Id been so busy for days. Even as friends and family came into town for the weekend, I was somehow always too frazzled to stop and savor their presence. But now I stopped and turned around. My son had just done a breathtaking job lead-ing the service, reading from the Torah, and delivering a beautiful dvar Torah, a bar mitzvah speech; I was so proud

of his self-assurance and mastery over the material it had taken him over a year to learn.

As I basked in the glow of that won-derful moment, I looked around and surveyed the packed shul our friends, our neighbors, our family, and members of our community filling every seat and felt a happiness Id never known before.

Now that the day has passed and the bar mitzvah is over, thats the point in time I think of and hold on to: feeling so proud of my son, and so connected to those around us who had come to synagogue to celebrate with us gaz-ing into everyones face, appreciating their company, living for one instant fully in the wonderful moment.

noT ConSulTing MY SonWhat are we doing after Shabbat?

My sons question startled me. For months Id been planning the perfect Shabbat celebrations to mark his bar mitzvah. Id spoken with countless friends, talked for hours with people about food, drinks, invitations and other details and had settled on what I thought of as the perfect celebration: a Shabbat morning service, followed by a tasteful lunch.

Now, I realized, in all my months of planning, Id never thought to consult my son. When he was little, I used to plan birthday parties for him magic themes, a Harry Potter party and I loved the fact that whatever I decided on seemed to delight him. But this time things were different: at the moment when we were planning how to cele-brate my son becoming a man, he unsurprisingly had his own strong opinions for a change.

Since relatives and friends are plan-ning to be with us, my son patiently explained, we should have a malava malka after-Shabbat party too. I found myself opening my mouth to argue when I paused and took a good look at my son. Hes getting to be nearly as tall as I am now. I thought for a moment of all the work, the over a year of effort hed put into preparing. It had often occurred to me during the year that he is outstripping me in his knowledge and learning in many areas. My lovely son is growing up.

Instead of arguing, I listened to this wise almost-adult. We planned the malava malka together. He really did know best. It was the highlight of the weekend.

Reprinted with permission of Aish.com


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The Mitzvah of Making a Bat MitzvahMaayonot creates a dream-come-true celebration for local tweenaBiGaiL KLein leiCHMAn

A girl becomes a bat mitzvah at age 12 auto-matically, even without any kind of ceremony or party. But for many girls, the party is her chance to shine new dress, newly learned

dance steps, a few words of Torah in celebration with her family and friends.

All of which comes at a steep cost that not everyone can afford.

Thats why the Holiday Enhancement Committee at Maayanot Yeshiva High School for Girls in Teaneck decided last year to throw a bat mitzvah party for four girls from the tri-state area, said Rabbi Zev Prince, Maayanots director of religious programming. The

impact was tremendous, he said. They pulled off a beautiful simcha, and we found ways for many stu-dents to participate doing hair and makeup, pho-

tography, running games, lending dresses.This year, Rabbi Prince reached out locally to

identify a 12-year-old whose difficult family situa-

The 300 students of Maayanot joined the family and friends of the bat mitzvah girl to make the simcha a very special one.


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The Mitzvah of Making a Bat MitzvahMaayonot creates a dream-come-true celebration for local tweenaBiGaiL KLein leiCHMAn

tography, running games, lending dresses.This year, Rabbi Prince reached out locally to

identify a 12-year-old whose difficult family situa-

tion precluded the possibility of a costly bat mitzvah party. It was the perfect opportunity for us, he said. And the girl and her mother were totally on board.

Rabbi Prince and the Holiday Enhancement Committee brought the event to a new level this time. The party

at the school began with two hours of dancing and dining involving the entire student body of 300. Afterward, there was a candle-lighting ceremony and dinner party for about 70 of the cel-ebrants invited guests.

The Maayanot students handled all the details, even leading Skype sessions to help the girl and her mother prepare their speeches.

The mother said it was the most beautiful bat mitzvah she could have made for her daughter and the most beautiful one she had ever attended, said Rabbi Prince.

While many students were involved in planning the party, seniors Tamar Mendelson and Rosie Polonetsky, and juniors Hannah Siegel and Avigayil Shapiro took primary responsibility. They met with the girl and her mother, ascertaining preferences for theme (she chose theater) and color scheme, and designing an e-invitation together with Rabbi Prince. Though the girl was con-sulted every step of the way, she was still taken aback at how it all came together, said the planners.

When she walked in and saw how we had decorated the room, that was a great moment for us, said Avigayil, who lives in White Plains, N.Y. She was so grateful that we planned this for her and she wants to join us next year to help with a party for someone else. She said shed remember it for the rest of her life.

Rosie, a Teaneck resident, said one of her tasks was finding profession-als to donate their services for music and lighting. I explained what we were doing and youd be surprised how easy it was to get them all to agree to this, Rosie said.

In addition to numerous fam-ily sponsorships, donations of goods and services were provided by Azamra DJ, Five Star Caterers, Action Studios Photography, Avenue Event Space, and Chopstix of Teaneck.

Using the budget provided, the Maayanot girls created a sign-in board and a video montage from pictures provided by the family. They prepared a chesed project for the bat mitzvah girls friends and arranged for two col-

lege-age women, Nina Klapper and Maayanot alumna Leora Engle, to lead dancing and games.

I believe our students approach was to think about what they did at their own bat mitzvah parties that was so special, and recreated it for her. And they did this all within about six weeks.

Aside from party planning, the girls grew in their understanding of the many ways to help those less fortunate. They learned how they can be atten-tive to identify a need and do something special, said Rabbi Prince, who hopes to do a similar event every year.

We are incredibly proud of all the students who worked so tirelessly on this event and put together a dream bat mitzvah, he said. They did it with kavod [honor] and sensitivity for our bat mitzvah girl and her family.

In the words of the bat mitzvah girls mother, This was the best bat mitzvah ever. Not only was everything done to perfection; the outpouring of Maayanot love and ruach [spirit] penetrated our souls and will stay with us forever.

Family sponsorships, as well as donations by Azamra DJ, Five

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Caterer? Photographer? What is the essence of a bar or bat mitzvah? Here are some key points you need to know.

First, lets understand what the words bar (or bat) mitzvah mean. The phrase translates as son (daughter) of commandment i.e. the young person becomes responsible to observe the commandments (mitzvot) of the Torah.

The purpose of the commandments is to keep our lives focused on whats truly important: family, com-munity, and a relationship with God. Although we commonly refer to having a bar mitzvah, technically speaking, this is impossible. The term bar mitzvah refers to a status, in the same way that being a student or parent is a status.

A Jewish boy automatically becomes bar mitzvah when he turns 13 years old, and a girl at age 12. (In general, girls tend to mature earlier than boys.) On a deeper level, just as their bodies are growing and changing, so too their souls are growing and chang-ing. Kabbalistic tradition says that a persons spiri-

ABCs of the Bar-Bat Mitzvaha guide to the Jewish coming-of-age ceremony

tual being has several levels of soul. A new level of soul (called neshama) comes into awareness at bar/bat mitzvah time. This is the time when moral awareness and sensitivity fully develops; enabling young people to take responsibility for their actions.

Ones actions after reaching this stage of life are con-sidered more significant for another reason: The Tal-mud explains that a mitzvah performed because one is commanded, is considered greater than a mitzvah performed voluntarily. This is because a person has a natural aversion to fulfilling an obligation. Overcom-ing this aversion is a sign of maturity, and this is what the bar/bat mitzvah celebrates.

SYnAgogue eVenTOn Shabbat (and various other days), the Torah a scroll containing the Five Books of Moses is read publicly. The Torah is divided into 54 portions, fol-lowing an annual cycle, with one portion read each week in the synagogue. The weekly portion is further sub-divided into seven sections. At Shabbat morning services, people are called up and honored with saying the special blessings before and after the reading of each section.

The Torah is removed from the holy ark, and then carried to the bima, the raised platform from where the Torah is read. While the Torah is being carried, everyone stands out of respect.

Colloquially speaking, when people say, I had a bar mitzvah, it means that they had an aliyah to the Torah

in synagogue. Aliyah means to go up to the bima.The Torah scroll is meticulously hand written by a

scribe. A number of rules ensure that the Torah is writ-ten with perfect accuracy, thus maintaining the unbro-ken chain of tradition back to Mount Sinai.

On the Shabbat following a boys 13th birthday, the young man is called up to the Torah. This calculation follows the Jewish calendar. At the conclusion of his final blessing, some synagogues have the custom to good-naturedly pelt the young man with candies.

Following this, the bar mitzvah boy reads a portion from the biblical prophets, called the haftorah. Dur-ing a period of persecution 2,000 years ago, Jews were forbidden from reading the Torah, so they instituted a reading from the prophets that corresponds to the theme of that weeks Torah portion. The haftorah is read with a unique traditional melody.

Following services, the congregation usually joins in a kiddush, a small lunch that begins with a blessing over wine.

In many congregations, girls read the Torah portion and or the haftorah as well as the boys.

THe reCePTionOne popular feature of the bar/bat mitzvah celebra-tion is a reception. This should ideally be held on the day, which the young man or young woman becomes 13 or 12 years old. There are different practices regard-ing what is done at a bar mitzvah celebration. It is proper for the young person to relate some Torah thoughts at the celebration i.e. the famous bar mitz-vah speech. The speech usually contains ideas from the weekly Torah portion, and emphasizes the young persons commitment to Jewish values. The new adult should appreciate that this is a celebration of maturity and responsibility, a message which will carry through for the rest of their life.


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THe giFTNow what about the ubiquitous bar mitzvah gift? In the old days, the gift of choice was a fountain pen, then a Walkman, and today an iPod or more.

Those are just fine but there are much more mean-ingful gifts for a bar/bat mitzvah. Since this event celebrates the young person becoming obligated in the commandments, the most appropriate gift is, naturally, one that gives a deeper understanding of the Jewish heritage and enables one to better perform the mitzvot.

With that in mind, a favorite gift idea is a tzedakah (charity) box. Every Jew should have a tzedakah box in his home, so he can drop in change on a regular basis. The money can then be given to support a Jewish school or institution in your hometown or in Israel (every Jews hometown). There are beautiful tzeda-kah boxes made of wood and silver, and you can see a selection here.

And what of the People of the Book? Books are always a great gift for the bar or bat mitzvah, especially Jewish books. Many can be found at local Jewish book-stores or online.

TeFillinUpon reaching age 13, a boy begins the obligation to put on tefillin every day (except Shabbat and holidays). Tefillin are two square, black leather boxes, which

contain parchments of Torah verses. Attached to each box are black leather straps. One of the boxes is worn on the bicep, and the other is worn on the front of the head.

The two boxes represent the two ways that we serve God in this world through (the head) and action (the arm). The arm-tefillin contains one parchment in one compartment, whereas the head-tefillin is four parchments, each in its own separate compartment. This is to signify that in service of God, the two pow-ers must work congruently: We use the totality of our mind to gain the full perspective, and then we act with a singular clarity of purpose.

Inside each tefillin box are parchments containing four Torah sections, which speak about Gods unity, the obligation to observe the commandments, and the responsibility to transmit Judaism to our descendants.

So WHATS nexT?Some have the misconception that Jewish practice is confined to the synagogue, or to an occasional holiday celebration at home. The truth is that Torah and mitzvot punctuate every moment of our lives: setting standards for business ethics, proper speech, honoring parents, what we eat, and even how to care for pets!

We refer to these laws as Torat Chaim, literally instructions for living. Torah is the ultimate own-

ers manual for maximizing our pleasure and poten-tial in life.

Torah is a basis for lifes most important questions: How can I live a meaningful life? How can I build suc-cessful relationships, deal honestly in business, and fulfill my personal potential? How can I really make a difference in the world?

Torah study emphasizes building a rational basis of belief, to engage ones mind, stimulate the intellect through questioning and debate, and thereby nour-ish the soul. It does not endorse a leap of faith, all-or-nothing decisions, or disengagement from the world.

The goal of any Jew is not only to study the Torah, but to become a living Torah, who embodies the lofty ideals of love your neighbor, peace on earth, justice for all, universal education, all men are created equal, dignity of the individual, and the preciousness of life. These concepts all originate from the Torah, and these have defined the moral makeup of humanity.

In Jewish life, a bar/bat mitzvah does not represent the culmination of ones Jewish education, but rather a stepping-stone to a more mature and profound rela-tionship with Jewish learning.

This is illustrated by the following idea: If even one letter is missing from a Torah scroll, it is rendered invalid. According to tradition, each Jew corresponds to one letter in the Torah. This teaches that each and every one of us has an integral role to play in the future of the Jewish people.

Reprinted with permission of Aish.com.


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CANTORBarbra Lieberstein [email protected] www.cantorbarbra.com201-788-6653Cantor Barbra Lieberstein is an ordained cantor with over 12 years of pulpit experience. Through her Jewish Lifecycles program she will prepare your child for his or her Bar or Bat Mitzvah in the comfort of your home. Your child will not only learn to read Hebrew, but also what it means to be Jewish, the history of our people, the holidays, lifecycles, the prayers, and mitzvah opportunities. He or she will also learn to chant Torah and the Haftarah. Cantor Barbra officiates and creates an individualized service tailored towards each familys desires at the venue of their choice. Small group tutoring is also available. In addition to Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, Cantor Barbra officiates at Jewish baby namings, Jewish weddings, funerals, and unveilings.

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FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONSVisions Federal Credit UnionOffices in Dumont, Englewood Cliffs, Mahwah, Oakland, Saddle Brook and Westwood 800-242-2120 www.visionsfcu.orgMember-owned and committed to community, Visions Federal Credit Union proudly supports the financial needs of 175,000+ spread across New York, Pennsylvania and New Jersey. A nonprofit founded in 1966, with Visions its not just the money thats there when you need it. We are.

FLORAL & EVENT DESIGNThe Empty Vase219 Closter Dock RoadCloster, NJ 07642201-750-7181Beautiful arrangements for your simcha. Centerpieces, bima flowers and much more.

Larkspur Botanicals1 Niagra StreetDumont, NJ 07628201-374-2044www.larkspurbotanical.comLarkspur Botanicals is an eco-conscious floral and event design firm. Our fresh innovative approach to floral design incorporates beautiful and sustainably sourced blooms into arrangements that are sure to delight your next event.

Martha BaumEvent Architect and Production710 Wyandotte DriveFranklin Lakes, NJ 07417201-848-9078 (telephone)201-848-7696 (fax)[email protected] Baum Events is a full-service event management company. Martha prides herself on a hand holding approach that ensures each clients needs are met and their expectations are exceeded. Martha is also an accomplished floral designer. Her ability to balance design and budget makes the planning of a special event for her clients stress free and enjoyable.

GIFTS & PARTY FAVORSA-Z Knits201-745-4540 (phone)201-784-1410 (fax)[email protected] Knits by Bobbi of Bobbis Goldenhanger will create custom-knitted logos on throws, sweaters, hats and scarves for your bar/bat mitzvah favors and for fundraisers. The work is done at our own domestic knitting mill.

Pentland Graphics, Inc.104 BroadwayWoodcliff Lake, NJ201-391-8500www.customshirtplace.comCustom screen-printing and embroidery.

Teaneck General Store502a Cedar LaneTeaneck, NJ 07666201-530-5046bruce@teaneckgeneralstore.comwww.teaneckgeneralstore.comTGS provides eclectic merchandise at great prices. A venue for local talent and groups, we showcase their skills and interests. Programs include book signings, poetry, learning classes, music and more, while our caf offers coffee beverages and vegetarian fare. The roots of the TGS are in textile manufacturing. We do provide promotional products for every occasion.

JUDAICAThe Tallis LadyBergen County201-321-4995info@thetallislady.comwww.thetallislady.comLisa Prawer (The Tallis Lady) has been selling Tallitot for the last 11 years. Starting as an add on for another creative business she owned, it has grown into one of the largest retail businesses selling tallitot, kippot, tallit clips and related items. Motivated by a desired to provide a selection that was not just traditional, Lisa searched for tallitot artists worldwide. She carries many styles, colors and fabrics. She also designs head covering for women in beaded wire and Swarovski crystal kippot.

LIGHTING DESIGNClub L.E.D. Lights. Entertainment. Dance113 Rockland PlazaNanuet, NY 10954845-267-2022www.ledcelebration.comWe bring the look and feel of an exciting New York City nightclub close to home. Club L.E.D. features state-of-the-art lighting, lasers and sound in an incredible multi-sensory environment that your family and guests will love. We feature all the extras you would expect, including our unique and award winning ride film simulator. We look forward to meeting you and your family and assisting in making your celebration an event everyone will always cherish and remember long after the party is over.

LINENSBergen Linen60 Oak StreetHackensack, NJ [email protected] Linen is a small family-owned linen rental, sales and laundry company. Planning an event? Party linen rentals include tablecloths, napkins, chair covers, sashes, runners and overlays. We have a large selection of colors, sizes and textures to choose from. (Bergen Linen is a Hallak company.)

MUSICSong Just for You973-685-2505www.songjustforyou.comWe create custom-written songs to honor loved ones, or for businesses, camps, and events. We make music videos. We create montages. We make legacy recordings to leave your songs and stories to the next generation. We cater to your budget.

ORGANIZERSMitzvahOrganizer.com1412 BroadwayNew York, NY 10018 516-445-2394 www.mitzvahorganizer.com Simplify your simcha! This comprehensive web-based planning tool was created by the Moms from MitzvahMarket.com. Using your phone, tablet or computer, you will have access to all the details of your celebration including the guest lists, seating arrangements, invitations, favors, transportation, honors, candle lighting, and much more.

PHOTOGRAPHYJo Rosen Photography/Candid Eye Photography 237 South Pleasant Avenue Ridgewood, NJ 07450 201-805-3989 (cell)www.joresnickrosen.com Jo photographs events, portraits, headshots, landscapes, and homes, capturing authentic moments, telling a story through still images, and appreciating natures beauty. At weddings, bnei mitzvahs and other celebrations. She works well with people, is unobtrusive and brings an artistic eye to her work. She is passionate about capturing the moment and telling the story.

MITZVAH PLANNER


MITZVAH PLANNERPROFESSIONAL SERVICESTeaneck Dentist 100 State Street Teaneck, NJ 07666 201-837-3000 www.teaneckdentist.com General, cosmetic and implant dentistry performed by highly trained, caring professionals, using the latest state-of-the-art methods in a friendly, comfortable setting.

TRAVEL Margaret Morse Tours, Inc.900 N. Federal Highway Suite 206Hallandale, Florida 33009800-327-3191, 954-458-2021www.margaretmorsetours.com Margaret Morse Tours, family owned and operated since 1980, provides the ultimate Israel experience for adults, families, and Bar and Bat Mitzvah. Tours are comprehensive, five star deluxe, and carefully designed from start to finish with Israels top guides. No one does Israel better! Join us for an unforgettable experience!

VENUES201 Club90 W. Palisade AvenueEnglewood NJ 07631201-541-8061www.201club.com [email protected] Club is the newest component of a three-restaurant complex on Palisade Avenue in Englewood that offers a New York nightclub atmosphere with over 10,000 square feet of dance floor and chic lounge space on two levels for private events. Featuring a state of the art sound and intelligent lighting system, multiple flat screens and a complete arcade game room its the perfect venue for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration. The event staff at 201 is ready to assist you with the planning and execution of this most important affair. From finding a terrific DJ to selecting that perfect party favor, well work with you every step of the way to ensure your event is the ultimate success. Accommodates up to 300 guests.

Biagios & The Terrace293 Paramus RoadParamus, NJ201-652-7900www.biagios.comIntroducing The Terrace, Bergen Countys premier wedding & special event venue, and the newest addition to the Biagios family located in the heart of Paramus. With over 25 years in the food service industry, this family-owned and operated restaurant and banquet hall brings its intimate ambience and attention to detail

to a grand scale. The color-lit waterfalls and unique rooftop terrace perfect for photos & ceremonies, stunning 28-foot-heigh entryway, magnificent Italian marble, luxurious bathrooms and bridal suite, separate cocktail room and grand ballroom accommodating up to 500 guests with state-of-the-art lighting are just a few of the details that set The Terrace apart. Whether planning a wedding reception, social or corporate event, Biagios & The Terrace is the perfect place to bring family and friends together to celebrate your Big Day! Please call for more information.

Chelsea Piers23rd Street & Hudson River ParkPier 62 Suite 300New York, NY 10011212-336-6777www.chelseapiers.com/seWith a variety of sports facilities and reception spaces, Chelsea Piers puts a fresh spin on Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebrations. Treat your guests to dinner and dancing with breathtaking views of the Hudson River at Sunset Terrace. Enjoy rock climbing, batting cages basketball and more at the Field House. Combine both options and experience the best of both worlds! Every party is customized, so you can be confident Chelsea Piers will provide the perfect setting for your special day!

Clyde Fraziers Wine and Dine485 10th AvenueNew York, NY 10018212-842-1110www.clydefraziers.comCelebrating the unique style of Walt Clyde Fraziers. New Yorks premiere sports-themed restaurant/bar/lounge is named for the beloved NY Knicks basketball star. Walt Clyde Frazier fans and foodies alike can revel in a lively and festive atmosphere that boasts Fraziers signature flash and unique style with a creative menu by Chef Armando Cortes.

Edgewood Country Club Rivervale, NJ201-666-1200 www.edgewoodnj.comExperience the elegance of Edgewood. Our dedicated staff provides first class service to help plan ahead for your special day!

The Elan Catering & Events111-U.S. Route 46 WestLodi, NJ 07644973-777-0503www.theelan.comFood, atmosphere and style come together to create the perfect event at The Elan, New Jerseys award-winning venue and banquet hall. The timeless, intimate atmosphere

of our four event spaces will make events of all kind unforgettable, with pricing options to accommodate any budget. Our experienced staff and culinary team will customize every aspect of your event. We cater to events for 30 to 500 guests. We look forward to making your event dreams become a reality.

Lucky Strike Manhattan 624-660 W. 42nd StreetNew York, NY 10036 646-829-0170 Lucky Strike West Nyack 4662 Palisades Center Drive, 4th Floor West Nyack, NY 10994 845-358-1602 www.bowlluckystrike.com Lucky Strike Entertainment features premium bowling, restaurants, live music, dance clubs, billiards and game rooms. With state-of-the-art private and semi-private function rooms, Lucky Strike has hosted countless entertainment and sports celebrities, thousands of corporate and private events and has contributed to hundreds of charities.

Meadowlands Racing and Entertainment1 Racetrack DriveEast Rutherford, NJ 07073201-THE- BIGM 201-843-2446www.arkrestaurants.com/meadowlands/Meadowlands Racing and Entertainment is a state of the art facility that features live racing and world class dining experiences. Our Special Events Department prides itself on its professionalism and experience. We will fashion your party into an extraordinary event within any of our various venues.

Pole Position Raceway99 Caven Point RoadJersey City, NJ 07305201-333-RACE (7223)www.polepositionraceway.comPole Position Raceway is the premier indoor, electric go-kart entertainment center. Our 1/4-mile long tracks are filled with hairpin turns and straight-aways for adults and juniors, providing the most authentic and exhilarating racing experience. Pole Position Raceway is also the perfect venue for Birthday Parties, Corporate Events and Fundraisers.

Quest Events of Bergen CountyEvent Planner: Julie [email protected] us help you plan the perfect day. Sports-themed parties for bar/bat mitzvah, sweet 16s. Project graduation, including DJ entertainment, indoor inflatables, bounce house, basketball, dodge ball, football, volleyball, soccer, water sports, swimming in heated pool, huge indoor turf arena.

Slate54 W. 21 StreetNew York, NY 10010212-989-0096www.slate-ny.comCentrally located in the heart of the chic and trendy Chelsea/Flatiron district and with over a decade of experience, Slate has earned a gleaming reputation in the community as a premier bar and bat mitzvah venue. Slate offers a wide array of cuisine, state-of-the-art audiovisual capabilities, billiards, ping-pong, foosball, shuffleboard and spacious dance floors in an intimate lounge-style atmosphere. Our friendly personable event staff

is accommodating, insightful and dedicated to making your event a memorable one.

Temple Emeth1666 Windsor RoadTeaneck, NJ 07666201-833-1322www.emeth.orgTemple Emeth, conveniently located in Teaneck, offers a full range of meeting rooms for every celebration. Our huge social hall, with a raised stage and large dance floor, can comfortably accommodate up to 250 guests seated. Your social hall rental includes exclusive access to our family room. Temple Emeths huge commercial kitchen is easily koshered. We work with all kosher caterers. Our sanctuary may be rented for a chuppah or for a bar/bat mitzvah to deliver a Dvar Torah in front of invited guests. Temple Emeth has its own private parking lot.

The Westin Governor Morris2 Whippany RoadMorristown, NJ 07960973-539-7300www.westingovernormorris.com We are a full-service premier Westin hotel located in Morristown. We feature 224 modern appointed guestrooms and suites. We specialize in onsite catering services to weddings and mitzvah celebrations. The hotel has an onsite Zagat-rated award-winning restaurant, The Blue Morel Restaurant and Wine Bar.

What to do With the Mitzvah Money?The gift of gelt, or bar or bat mitzvah money is great gift indeed. Often given in denomina-tions of $18 (18 is chai; chai means life), many youngsters wind up building up some of their own money through their event.

Most people ascribe to the three-jar theory: that is to save, giveaway and spend philosophy of money. Take a third and save it, a third and give it to a charity, and a third to spend. And giving to tzedakah, or charity, is a big mitzvah that is valued for the bar and bat mitzvah.

Some money experts advise parents to take their new Jewish adult to a credit union or bank to open their own savings accounts. Beginning the regular savings habit early is one of the keys to savings success. Remember, dont refuse them when they want to withdraw a portion of their savings for a purchase. This may discourage them from saving at all.

It may also be a good time for them to get U.S. savings bonds. Bonds are still a good value, costing one-half their face value and earning interest that in some instances will be tax-free if used for a college education. Per-haps more importantly, when given as a gift, bonds will not be spent immediately, reinforc-ing saving and goal-setting lessons.

Your teen or tween is becoming more inde-pendent, but still needs plenty of advice from you. With more money to spend and more opportunities to spend it, your bar-bat mitz-vah teen can easily get into financial trouble. So before money burns a hole in your childs pocket, teach him or her a few financial les-sons. With your help, your teen will soon devel-op the self-confidence and skills he or she needs to successfully manage money in the real world.


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2014

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S-2 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard SUMMER 2013 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

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S-2 Jewish Standard, Jewish Community News, Rockland Jewish Standard SUMMER 2013 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

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bar/bat mitzvah supplement to jewish standard, june 2015

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