Basic Listening Basic Listening SkillsSkills

S.A. TrainingS.A. Trainingbyby

University Counseling ServicesUniversity Counseling ServicesTruman State UniversityTruman State University

Focus on ListeningFocus on Listening Listen to yourself!Listen to yourself!

Before you can be an effective listener you Before you can be an effective listener you have to ensure you are ready to listen.have to ensure you are ready to listen.

Assess your mental, physical and emotional Assess your mental, physical and emotional states.states.

Remember you are there to listen! Remember you are there to listen! Many times people in crisis need to talk Many times people in crisis need to talk

through their problems, not get advice on how through their problems, not get advice on how to solve their problems.to solve their problems.

If you aren’t sure if the person wants you to If you aren’t sure if the person wants you to “just” listen or give advice ASK them!“just” listen or give advice ASK them!

Focus on Focus on Their ConcernsTheir Concerns

Focus on the person’s train of thought.Focus on the person’s train of thought. Avoid thinking about your response or other non-Avoid thinking about your response or other non-

related things until the person is finished speaking.related things until the person is finished speaking.

Remove distractions.Remove distractions. If there is a distraction (TV, music, someone else in If there is a distraction (TV, music, someone else in

the room) remove the distraction if possible so you the room) remove the distraction if possible so you can focus.can focus.

If you can’t remove the distraction, schedule a time If you can’t remove the distraction, schedule a time when you can focus on their concerns.when you can focus on their concerns.

Silence & Body LanguageSilence & Body Language

Silence isn’t bad!Silence isn’t bad! Don’t always rush to fill in gaps in conversation. Don’t always rush to fill in gaps in conversation.

These gaps can be important for the individual to These gaps can be important for the individual to gather their thoughts or express themselves gather their thoughts or express themselves emotionally.emotionally.

Listen with your eyes!Listen with your eyes! People communicate information through behaviors People communicate information through behaviors

in addition to what they say.in addition to what they say. Pay attention to body language to help understand Pay attention to body language to help understand

their feelings.their feelings.

EmpathyEmpathy

Refrain from being judgmental.Refrain from being judgmental. Empathy doesn’t mean you agree with the Empathy doesn’t mean you agree with the

person, just that you have identified and person, just that you have identified and understand how they are feeling.understand how they are feeling.

Uncomfortable conversations.Uncomfortable conversations. If you have difficulty keeping your beliefs from If you have difficulty keeping your beliefs from

interfering with your ability to listen, let the interfering with your ability to listen, let the person know the topic is too sensitive for you.person know the topic is too sensitive for you.

Find someone else that can listen.Find someone else that can listen.

Convey You Are ListeningConvey You Are Listening Maintain eye contact when it seems appropriate.Maintain eye contact when it seems appropriate.

Use minimal encouragers such as “Uh huh” and “I see” Use minimal encouragers such as “Uh huh” and “I see” to communicate you are paying attention.to communicate you are paying attention.

Paraphrase what the person has said to you and ask Paraphrase what the person has said to you and ask questions to fill in gaps.questions to fill in gaps. This will not only help you understand, but help the person This will not only help you understand, but help the person

think through their concerns and express their emotions more think through their concerns and express their emotions more effectively.effectively.

Acknowledge that you understand their thoughts as well as Acknowledge that you understand their thoughts as well as their feelings.their feelings.

Problems with Problems with CommunicationCommunication Identify problems you have understanding the Identify problems you have understanding the

person.person.

If something is preventing you from understanding If something is preventing you from understanding their concerns, don’t be afraid to bring it out in the their concerns, don’t be afraid to bring it out in the open.open. Use phrases such as “Help me understand” or “Tell me Use phrases such as “Help me understand” or “Tell me

more”more”

If in a confrontational conversation, acknowledge If in a confrontational conversation, acknowledge the difficulty to get past the impasse. the difficulty to get past the impasse.

Personal BoundariesPersonal Boundaries Setting Personal Boundaries as an SA.Setting Personal Boundaries as an SA.

Be aware of your own need for boundaries.Be aware of your own need for boundaries. Pay attention to situations when you lose energy, Pay attention to situations when you lose energy,

feel a knot in your stomach, want to cry or become feel a knot in your stomach, want to cry or become angry.angry.

These signals are ways your mind and body These signals are ways your mind and body tell you your personal boundaries have been tell you your personal boundaries have been crossed.crossed.

Boundary Bill of RightsBoundary Bill of RightsYou have the Right :You have the Right :

1.1. to be treated with respectto be treated with respect

2.2. to say NO without feeling guiltyto say NO without feeling guilty

3.3. to make a mistaketo make a mistake

4.4. to ask for what you want and needto ask for what you want and need

5.5. to express your feelings and opinionsto express your feelings and opinions

6.6. to change your mindto change your mind

7.7. to feel good about yourself no matter what to feel good about yourself no matter what others others saysay

8.8. to act in your own best interest as long as you do not to act in your own best interest as long as you do not violate others in the process violate others in the process