Slide 1

The Importance of Revision(Becoming a better writer.)While discussing the process of writing, Mark Twain said:Sometimes you have to murder your darlings.

What did he mean?He meant thatOnce we write, we hate to cut.

Yet when we read, especially for information, tight prose is the kind we love to read. Such prose is lean . . . economical . . .vigorous. It's prose that's stripped of fat and clutter.

The fat can take many forms:--superfluous sentence (that could have been collapsed into a clause)--clause (that could have been collapsed into a phrase)--phrase (that could've been replaced by a single word) --word (that could have been cut altogether)

You are lucky because you can write well, but you can always writer better.Here's the point I'm driving at: you should make cutting the fat a separate step every time you revise a paper.

First drafts are fatty by nature-they should be. When we write a rough draft, we are exploring. There should be tentativeness and repetition. Wordy constructions help by allowing us to slow down to figure out where we're going next.

1. Eliminate redundancy

Note how the underlined words repeat information that other words in the sentence already communicate.

We should not try to anticipate in advance those great events that will completely revolutionize our society because past history tells us that it has been the ultimate outcome of little events that has unexpectedly surprised us.

Delete these extra words and the sentence races ahead.

2. Eliminate excess adjectives and redundant adverbs

A lively, colorful, explosive fiesta An explosive fiesta

Slowly and sluggishly, the river flows into the bay. Sluggishly, the river flows into the bay.

3. Compress adverb and relative clauses into participial phrasesBecause they are fond of travelers, the Eloi are good hosts.Fond of travelers, the Eloi are good hosts.

Cancer of the breast, which is known to be a leading cause of death in women, too often escapes detection in an early stage.Cancer of the breast, a leading cause of death in women, too often escapes detection in an early stage.

4. Change verb phrases to single active verbs

is a reflection of ---> reflectmake an investigation of ---> investigatetake into consideration ---> considermake a compilation of ---> compile

5. Eliminate intensifiers and unnecessary phrasesrather (as in "rather interesting")quite (as in "quite appetizing")little (as in "a little tired")pretty (as in "pretty good")really ("really impressive")

of some kind a lot of a kind of plenty of a type of

A majority of ---> mostDue to the fact that --> because As a consequence of At this point in time -> nowIn close proximity to-> near

As a general ruleDisappear from sightGreen in colorBasic fundamentals

6. Strengthen weak, wordy sentence openings.

It seems that beginning some 20 years ago . . .About 20 years ago . . .It is significant that . . .SignificantlyLearning is a process that requires . . .Learning requires . . .

There areIt isI thinkI feelI believeThis provesThis quote is saying...This shows

How can you strengthen sentence openings?Remove there are, it is, I believe etc.Try to begin with an interesting word (sometimes right from within your sentence)Rearrange existing clausesFollow the subject with an ACTION verb rather than a TO BE verb (is, was, were)Try removing THAT from the sentence (youd be surprised how many thats you can remove from one essay!

When in doubt, try to start sentences of analysis with subordinate conjunctions:

afterashow althoughif unlessinasmuch untilas if in order thatwhenas long as lest wheneveras much as

now that whereas soon as provided (that)whereveras though sincewhileso thatbefore even if even though thoughbecauseThe terms below can help also help you make those critical connections:

Hence, since, whereas, so...that, because, if...then, since... therefore, thus, for, as a result, as has been shown

7. Maintain a consistent verb tense.

Use present tense when possible8. Avoid pronounsAvoid pronouns such as: I, me, my, you, we, us

9. Use specific vocabularyTry to avoid the random use of Words Thesauruswhen you do this the word doesnt flow with the rest of the sentence

But, if you program your brain to use specific and varied wording, it will also enhance your analysis and sentence structure

Your final stepadd some STYLE! Student writers should make some effort -- or at least be aware of the desirability of an effort -- towards achieving a more than pedestrian style. Grammatical competence is something to be assumed at your level of study. But what about a spark of liveliness in the writing? Maybe the following questions will help you move in the right direction.

Have you read your paper out loud, listening for awkward repetitions? If you can, get a friend willing to listen and follow your meaning, and then keep watching his or her face for signs of bewilderment or of pleased comprehension. Have you a sentence or two in your paper that pleases you with its rhythm or construction? Whats the point in knowing the definition of alliteration if you are never going to use it. Recall your bank of poetic elements and apply one or two to each piece of writing. I PROMISE this will make your writing stand out.Take a look at your sentence structures: are they all subject + predicate constructions? Do you ever build a cumulative sentence, using participial phrases?

Do you ever use a rhetorical question? DONT OVERUSE IT! THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS ARE ANALYSIS!!!Does sentence length vary? Do you use an occasional punchy fragment? What about your punctuation? How often have you had occasion to use the semicolon? Or even better, my personal favorite: the colon? Paired dashes? And what about italics for conversational emphasis?