before you starta relationship · before you start a relationship by dr. john s. balogun 5 if you...

BEFORE YOU START A

RELATIONSHIP

Read this book to

find out two most

important issues

you should know

and appropriate

BEFORE YOU

START A

RELATIONSHIP

Dr. John S. BALOGUN

Great Mind Series

Before You Start a Relationship by Dr. John S. Balogun 1

ESTABLISH YOURSELF IN GOD!

That's the first I will talk about and it is the most important... It is what determines the outcome of any relationship, including marriage. __________ Most people who miss it in marriage missed it at this point.

One interesting thing about marriage is that 'Whatever you take into it multiplies...'

If you enter marriage with a vibrant relationship with God... It will multiply and it will sustain you. _________ However, establishing yourself in God is not the same as being zealous 'for the work of God'.

It's sad to say that many young people are so zealous for the work of God... They are always 'on the run' for God; but they have no spiritual depth. __________


Many are 'very anointed', have powerful oratory skills but 'no spiritual maturity'. ___________ To be established in God before marriage means that 'you should be spiritually mature'. __________ When you see someone who has 'gifts without grace', or 'power without Purity', or 'charisma without character'; that person is NOT spiritual.

I'm bringing it home to you... Please be sincere enough to X-ray yourself in the light of this discussion... ___________ I have met so many newly married who discovered after wedding that the 'spiritual brother or sister' they got married to is actually not spiritual at all... __________ Or how do you explain a 'spiritual husband' who landed a slap on the face of his wife because she offended him?

Or how do you explain a 'spiritual wife' who is frustrating her husband with her


incessant nagging, bitterness and refusal to forgive? __________ These are things we see in many 'Spiritual homes'. __________ Getting yourself established in God goes 'beyond external impression or conformity but internal transformation through the grace of God'.

Get yourself rooted in Christ

Let me show you two verses from Colossians 2:6-7; I will take these verses from The Living Bible Version,

" And now just as you trusted Christ to save you, trust Him, too, for each day’s problems; live in vital union with Him. Let your roots grow down into Him and draw up nourishment from Him. See that you go on growing in the Lord, and become strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught..."


Permit me to highlight a phrase from the two verses to explain how you should get yourself established in God... __________ " ... Live in vital union with Him (Christ)"

Another word for 'vital' is 'living'...

Live in a living, current, vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ. __________ Don't enter any relationship as a backslider... Start a relationship as a Christian who is in vital (living, current, vibrant) union with Christ...

Suffice it to say that many a 'Christian' are already backslidden as at the time they are getting into relationships; but because they have gifts and are charismatic, We still see their fervency in service to God. __________ I have said it before that 'Marriage will increase whatever you take into it'.


If you enter relationship or courtship as a backslider, 'marriage may not revive you'.

A Yoruba adage says that 'it is what a bird has eaten that a bird can fly with'. _________ Even airplanes sometimes have to be loaded with a lot of luggage before flying to prevent it from crashing. __________ The same way, you should be deeply rooted in Christ Jesus before you start a relationship.

How do you know you're becoming established in God? __________ Let me take you through three marks of a spiritually established person using the example of Joseph.

First mark is that "You are a Carrier of God's Presence". __________ Genesis 39 said it up to four times that "God was with Joseph".


In fact, the presence of God was visible in his life because his master, Potiphar "saw that God was with him".

People around you should easily see the presence of God in your life. If your close relations, especially family members and friends cannot see God in your life, then you're likely not yet established in God. __________ Secondly, 'You Fear God'.

Joseph was confronted with a very alluring temptation, at a place where all he had around was his conscience.

His godly father was in faraway Canaan... His mother was late... His siblings were not with him to caution him... He stood a chance of being rewarded by the woman who was tempting him to commit fornication. _________ It was at that point that we discovered that 'Joseph feared God'.


He said in verse 9 of Genesis 39, "... How then can I do this great wickedness, and SIN AGAINST GOD? __________ That's how to know if you fear God.

When you are tempted to do wrong, and you look around, you can't find any familiar face; and you eventually do the right thing... Then you fear God. _________ This is what happens when you have a vital, living union with Christ Jesus... You won't be a pretender... You will be genuine. __________ You do things or refuse to do things based on whether God approves it or not. That's the fear of God and it is a mark you will see in people who are established in God.

This is very important because that's what can sustain you in a Christian relationship, including marriage. __________ It is the fear of God that will keep you from falling to sexual temptations even when your


body is yearning seriously for Premarital sex. ________ It is this same fear of God that will keep you faithful to your spouse after wedding because the fact that you are married does not blind your eyes to other men or ladies.

Thirdly, you have a meek spirit.

In simple term, "Meekness is when you have the power to punish anyone who offends you but instead of punishing them, you decide to forgo, forgive or overlook" ... That is meekness.

Joseph's brother offended him so badly... Several years later, he was in power and his brothers were at his mercy... __________ Instead of punishing them, he decided to forgive and reconcile with them... That is meekness. _________ We see this attribute of meekness ultimately in Christ Jesus, who even said in Matthew 11:28, "I am meek and lowly in heart"


__________ Meekness will make you genuinely humble; it will make you forgive people without struggling even when they do not apologize or show remorse.

So, before you start a relationship, you should be meek and gentle. Why? _________ because our partner will offend you over and over again; if you're not meek and forgiving, you will scatter your own relationship or marriage out of grief, bitterness and anger. __________ The grace of God is available to make you genuinely meek, humble and forgiving;

This grace will flow to you as you "Let your roots grow down into Him (Christ) and draw up nourishment from Him" through regular prayer time and Bible study time. __________ Working in your local church is good, but it may not make you spiritual. You can be actively busy in church and not be spiritual.


__________ If you will enjoy a Christian relationship and/or marriage, you should be spiritual; and being spiritual should start before you start a relationship. _________ In our home, even before we got married, each of us had and still has a personal relationship with God. _________ Whenever my wife offends me, I don't wait for her to say sorry before I forgive... Why?

Because I won't allow that offense to tamper with my personal relationship with God.

The same thing with her. She just forgives even before I say sorry. __________ I cannot emphasize enough the importance of getting yourself established in God 'before you start a relationship'. __________ Being established in God is fundamental because at the time when you decide to


choose who to marry, "you will likely attract

your kind".

__________ If you are a pretender or a shallow Christian, don't be surprised when after marriage you discover that you have married someone who is just like you.


DISCOVER YOUR PURPOSE

Discovering your purpose will guide you in the choice of who to marry when you are ready to make a choice.

Two people in relationship or marriage must have similar purposes.

A marriage will not work if while you are heading towards the right direction, your partner is heading towards the left. __________ You should know the direction your life is heading before you ask someone else to go with you or before you join someone in his journey.

If not, you will end up being submerged and confused later in life. _______________ One mistake I have seen young Christians make is this misconception about the 'will of God'; the assumption that so far it is the will of God, then the purpose will automatically align.


No!

It is the alignment of purposes that makes it the will of God and not the other way round.

Certainly, God will not join two people together who are heading toward different direction. Trying to force yourself in such relationship is like embarking on a journey that will end in disaster.

Amos 3:3 says "Two people cannot walk together except they agree."

If both of you do not have the same or similar purpose, it wouldn't be the will of God because God will not author a confusion.

As a Christian, the will of God for you in marriage is "ANYONE WHO IS BORN AGAIN LIKE YOU, WHO LOVES GOD, LOVES YOU AND WHO HAS THE SAME DIRECTION, PURPOSE AND PASSION WITH YOU."


If the person is not a Christian, does not love God, or still sinning, he or she is not the will of God for your life even if your direction, purpose or passion appear to be the same.

Likewise, if the person does not have the same passion, purpose and direction with you, even if he or she is born again, loves you, hates sin, loves purity, etc., the person is not the will of God for you. Such person belongs to someone else, not you.

I'm sure you now see why it is important that you discover your purpose before you start a relationship; this will guide you in your choice of who to start a relationship with and who to eventually marry.

How you can discover your purpose?

I will put it to you in the form of questions. __________


1. What are those things you see around you that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy?

Yes! It has been said that, sometimes the problem you see is the reason you are there – to solve the problem. __________ Don’t turn the other way or pretend that the problem is not there.

Don’t keep quiet because every other person is not talking about it.

Who knows, you may be in that situation so that you can change things for the better. __________ 2. What are those things you do effortlessly?

Yes! Many of us are struggling doing things we are not destined to do because we see so many people doing it; but you must ask yourself, what are those things I can do without struggling, with joy in my heart? __________ It doesn’t matter whether it is popular or


not, the most important thing is that do you find joy doing it?

The essence of life is not about pleasing people, it is about doing things that is right and things that makes you happy.

__________ 3. What are those things you will still do even if no one is paying you for it?

I remember some time ago when I went for an interview. I was asked the reason I chose to be a Pediatrician (Children Doctor). __________ I told them that playing with children and taking care of them is something I find so fulfilling and that even if I won’t be paid for taking care of them, I will still be happy caring for them.

Initially I wanted to specialize in an area where I could make good money but I told myself the truth that money does not always give fulfillment.


_________ Fulfillment comes from doing what gives you joy whether you are paid for it or not. What is that thing makes you feel genuinely fulfilled? __________ 4. What are your talents and gifts?

Everyone is gifted. What are your own gifts? What are those things you do better than anyone else?

__________ The Bible says in Proverbs 18:16, “the gift of a man makes way for him”.

For instance, I discovered that I am gifted with use of words in communication and I’ve got a listening ear; now here I am in the counseling ministry. Many people have been helped to grow into spiritual maturity since I began to allow God work through my gifts and talents.

__________ What is your own talent? It can be multiple


(more than one), so try and look inward to know what your gifts and talents are.

5. What do people say about your gifts?

Though it is not everything people say that you should listen to; sometimes, it is what people say about your gifts that will make you discover it.

__________ In Judges 6:12-14, Gideon saw himself as a timid spineless man; he was hiding somewhere due to fear when the angel of God came to him and called him a “…mighty man of valour.”

He did not know he was a mighty man until he was told to go in his might and deliver his country. ___________ Eventually, he did.

So, if what people say about you align with your passion, you may consider it as one of the reasons why you are here on earth.


__________ 6. What are you passionate about?

What are those things you can sacrifice anything (money, comfort, sleep, resources, friends, family, etc.) just to achieve? That is your passion! It could also point towards your life’s purpose.

_________ 7. Finally, what has God said that you will do here on earth?

Seek the face of God to know what on earth He has destined you to accomplish. __________ He created you for a purpose. Ask Him!

Saul, shortly after his conversion, the first question he asked was “What will you have me do, Lord?”

In Acts 13, while the people were praying and fasting, seeking the face of God, "the Holy Ghost said, Separate me Barnabas and Saul for the work whereunto I have called them”.


__________ Isaiah 30:21 says, “Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, this is the way, walk in it, when you turn to the right hand, and when you turn to the left.” __________ Wait on God in prayer to know what direction He wants you to follow.

With these, I believe you can have at least an idea of what your purpose on earth is? __________ When you do, it will help you in your choice of friends, jobs, and marriage partner.

Don't expect to see the complete picture of what you are destined to do at the beginning; as you step out in action, it will get clearer and clearer. At the end of it all, when you look back, you

will be happy you took the first step.

Start today to fulfill your purpose.

God bless you. Remain Rapturable!


MEET THE AUTHOR

John S. BALOGUN (BJ) practices as a medical doctor in Abuja, Nigeria. He is a gracious, gifted and sound teacher of the Word of God.

He runs with the mandate to propagate the gospel of Christ, with special passion for Premarital and Marital Sexual Purity. He has been described by many as a Crusader of Sexual Purity.

He is a Relationship Counselor and a Youth Teacher. He teaches in Churches, Youth Seminars, Campus Fellowships, and on social media platforms.

A prolific writer, he is the author of the Great Mind Book and Article Series. BJ is married to Opeyemi Cafy and they are blessed with a baby girl, Noble.

He is on Facebook as ‘JOHN SEYIFUNMI BALOGUN’

You can call him on: +234 803 074 4603 or +234 815 098 9646 WhatsApp: +234 803 074 4603 Email: [email protected] Blog: www.bjseyi.wordpress.com

http://www.bjseyi.wordpress.com/

before you starta relationship · before you start a relationship by dr. john s. balogun 5 if you...

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