behavior can “make or break” professional relationships and business success

Behavior Can “Make or Break” Professional Relationshipsand Business SuccessMichael E. Frisina and Robert W. Frisina

© 2011 Wiley Periodicals, Inc.Published online in Wiley Online Library (wileyonlinelibrary.com). DOI 10.1002/ert.20343

All kinds of behaviors can damage ordestroy professional relationships,

careers, and businesses. Sexual harassment,discrimination, and other unethical and ille-gal behaviors obviously are destructive torelationships and organizational performance.However, less blatant transgressions can alsodiminish employee engagement, energy, andcreativity and lead to a negative bottom-lineresult as well.

No one wants to spend time with theproverbial jerks at work. These people aredisruptive to performance and productivityand make their organizations targets for law-suits. They may possess the requisite techni-cal skills to perform their jobs, but their lackof social skills will impede not only theirown success, but also the success of theirorganizations. The so-called soft skillsinvolved in working cooperatively andrespectfully with others are really the foun-dation for success for high-performing orga-nizations. Time and again, the fundamentalproblems related to the lack of engagementand failure to meet performance goals arerelated to how people consistently experi-ence their leaders’ and peers’ negativebehavior.

All members of an organization must beable to confront their own behaviors andunderstand how their behaviors are per-ceived by others. Sadly, few people have the

courage and willingness to do so on theirown. Consequently, it is imperative for lead-ership at all organizational levels to establisha culture of accountability, aligned to organi-zational values, to create and sustain highlyeffective relationships that power engage-ment and drive organizational performance.

BEHAVING BADLY HAS A COST

A 2004 study titled “Top Management TeamCohesion and Superior Industry Returns,”published in the journal Group and Organiza-tion Management, indicated that social cohesion(the result of highly effective relationships)accounts for roughly 28 percent of an organi-zation’s performance. Think about this interms of productivity. Consider an organiza-tion with target revenue of $100 million. Ifmanagement and direct reports routinely dis-play dysfunctional behavior and create inef-fective relationships, the organization is setup to lose $28 million. With high-functioningrelationships, the organization can garner$128 million. This creates a variability factorof $56 million.

In his article “Building a Vision-Guided,Values-Driven Organization,”1 Richard Bar-rett, former values coordinator at the WorldBank, cited research indicating that as muchas 39 percent of the variability in corporateperformance is directly related to the level of

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employee engagement. Most noteworthy inthis article is not just the impact of individualbehavior on performance, but also the impor-tance of leadership behavior in particular.Barrett notes that 69 percent of the variabil-ity in employee engagement and work fulfill-ment is attributable to the capability of theimmediate leader. The extent to which orga-nization members can rationally and emo-tionally connect behavior with the organiza-tion’s mission and vision fuels higher levelsof engagement that drives performance by

any measureable criteria on the organiza-tion’s dashboard.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR?

To help reframe your thinking on behaviorcompetency and its role in driving businessperformance, consider the following essentialskills for creating and sustaining highly effec-tive relationships:

❏ Build and maintain a core foundation linkedto behavior-based expectations. If you lackthe clarity of knowing what you believe,you will lack consistency in behavior thatdrives peak performance. Take, for exam-ple, a values statement I helped create forone organization: ICARE—Integrity, Com-passion, Accountability, Respect, Excellence.From these values, a highly collaborative

Michael E. Frisina and Robert W. FrisinaEmployment Relations Today DOI 10.1002/ert

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team developed clearly articulated behav-ior- based expectations reflected in individ-ual performance appraisals. There is nodoubt how people of this organization areexpected to treat one another and their keyconstituents in their daily, accountablebehavior, constantly aligning these valuesand their resulting behaviors to drive per-formance.

❏ Accept responsibility and take initiative forperformance. Character competence alonereflected in a core foundation and behavior-based expectation is insufficient to drivepeak performance. Technical competence,the ability to get things done and deliverresults, is the opposite side of this prover-bial performance coin. The simple adageto drive this behavior is doing the rightthing the right way for the right reasons.Do not make excuses, do not shift blameto someone else, and do not allow your-self to become a victim to avoid acceptingpersonal responsibility and taking initia-tive to get technical things done on theone hand and managing your behaviorperformance on the other.

❏ Hold yourself accountable. Behavior-basedexpectations and taking responsibility pre-cede accountability. This is another essen-tial link to performance, and it is morethan just adherence to rules. Accountabil-ity is a moral skill aligning values tobehavior. History is replete with examplesof failure in this area within key societalinstitutions. To better understand whyaccountability is so essential to peak per-formance, imagine, if you will, what anorganization looks like and feels like with-out it—finger pointing, blame shifting, inse-curity, double standards, and extremely lowlevels of trust. How motivated, energized,and engaged in your performance are you

The extent to which organization members canrationally and emotionally connect behaviorwith the organization’s mission and vision fuelshigher levels of engagement that drives perfor-mance by any measureable criteria on the orga-nization’s dashboard.

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likely to be in this organization? Influen-tial leaders and their highly functionalteams are able to hold themselves andothers accountable in a culture of mutualrespect to drive performance.

❏ Pursue effective communication. Stephen R.Covey may have said it best in The 7Habits of Highly Effective People2 when headvised that we are to “seek first tounderstand, then to be understood” (Habit5). We have all been taught that the key tocommunication is listening. This is true,but you first must care (moral skill) beforeyou can listen (behavioral skill) to under-stand effectively (technical skill). Effectivecommunication, as a highly influentialtrust behavior, requires caring first andthen seeking to understand beforedemanding to be understood.

CREATING A CULTURE OF ACCOUNTABILITY

Integrated teams, functioning in a culture ofaccountability, are the performance driver of choice in today’s high-performing organi-zations. Research, like that in a collaborativeeffort called the Leadership Excellence Net-work (between the National Center forHealth Care Leadership and General Elec-tric), has demonstrated the superiority ofgroup decision making over that of even themost single talented individual. There is oneobvious exception to this rule: when a teamis conflicted or dispirited, decision makingtakes a dramatic turn for the worse. Oftenthis conflict occurs at a time of crisis, whenthe imperatives of communication, coopera-tion, and integrated teamwork are mosteffective in deriving the optimal outcome.The key to peak performance is maintainingmission focus—fulfilling the purpose forwhy the organization exists. Without the

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dynamic combination of influential andhighly effective relationships, deep andbroad continuing education, a culture ofaccountability, innovative and purposefulapplication of technology, and the commit-ment to performance excellence, your orga-nization is destined to performance medi-ocrity.

Consequently, improving the performanceof an organization requires improving thebehavioral performance of its people. An orga-nization cannot become what its people arenot in their behavior. Simply stated, conform-ing behaviors within a culture of accountabil-ity really matters. It is the difference makerfor performance. A commitment to a culture

of accountability requires systemwide integra-tion among four key elements:

1. Effective communication,2. Cooperative attitudes,3. Integrated teamwork, and4. Mutual respect.

Similar organizations may share a commonmission and purpose, but they do not sharethe fundamental elements of performance:the talent and motivation of the people whowork within any given organization. The coreof culture is behavior—the “how we do itaround here” principle common to any organi-zation. Although an organization’s culture cantake years to change, individual behavior canchange far more quickly. All you have to do isdecide it is worth it and know you can do it.

Effective communication, as a highly influentialtrust behavior, requires caring first and thenseeking to understand before demanding to beunderstood.


Conforming behavior then becomes a naturalpart of the daily work routine, and this newdaily work routine transforms the culture.

In sum, the real power of a culture ofaccountability is the capacity to bring peopletogether to create something of greater valuethan any one person could have createdalone. From the arts to the Internet, peoplehave come together to create, innovate, andenhance performance far beyond what anyone individual could accomplish. Bringingpeople together requires key behavioral skillsto release the combined effect of their techni-cal skills and talents.

SUSTAINING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

The following self-reflective questions canhelp you assess your ability to create and sus-tain highly effective relationships to driveorganizational performance:

Stanley C. Allyn, the chairman of NationalCash Register Company, wrote, “The mostuseful person in the world today is theman or woman who knows how to getalong with other people.”3

• Have you ever considered whether youare a person regarded by others assomeone who knows how to get alongwith other people?

• Do you find yourself in the midst ofconflict and strife as a regular dailyoccurrence?

• Have you ever considered yourself aperson who struggles with interper-sonal relationships?

• Are you ready to learn and apply fun-damental principles to overcome rela-tional blind spots that are affectingyour personal and organizational per-formance?


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John Maxwell said, “Our ability to build andmaintain healthy relationships is the sin-gle most important factor in how we suc-ceed in every area of life.”4

• Have you ever taken time to consideryour greatest moments of success andfailure? Did you ever consider thatyour moments of success were rela-tionship dependent? Did you ever con-sider that your failures were too?

• Have you ever considered evaluatingyour performance based on your levelof effective relationships with peersand subordinates? Have you ever con-sidered how the effectiveness of thoserelationships is impacting your per-sonal performance and the perfor-mance of the organization? Have youever given anyone permission to pro-vide you with feedback on the effec-tiveness of your relationships?

• Do you find yourself isolated from oth-ers and having to “go it alone” to getthings done and make things happen?

Executive coach Marshall Goldsmith wrote,“I regard apologizing as the most magical,healing, restorative gesture human beingscan make . . . for without the apologythere is no recognition that mistakes havebeen made and no emotional contractbetween you and other people.”5

• Are you willing to admit your mistakesin behavior with other people? Do youfind yourself resistant to the idea ofneeding to express regret and apologizeto maintain the effectiveness of yourrelationships with others?

• Do you believe that Goldsmith is correct?Do you believe that there is a power torestore relationships to drive perfor-mance in an apology? If not, why not?

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THE POWER OF APOLOGY

There are various excuses people give forrefusing to apologize for inappropriate, disre-spectful, rude, and a host of other more toxicbehaviors. Perhaps the worst reason is thatthey simply do not care about other peopleenough to see the value and need to apolo-gize. In other cases, it may be as simple asnot wanting to admit they were wrong, forfear of losing power and control. Whateverthe reason, the reluctance or inability toexpress regret for inappropriate behavior willbe an obstacle to sustaining highly effectiverelationships in the workplace. The ability toconfront and apologize for behavior misstepsis a critical component in engendering thesupport of peers and subordinates and keep-ing them engaged in their work.

Following is a vivid example of how a lapseof behavior and the inability and unwilling-ness of a senior leader to express an effectiveapology can affect talent retention and theoverall performance of the organization.

It was a typical Tuesday morning, and allthe key leaders were making their way to theCEO’s weekly huddle. There was one over-arching rule for this meeting—never be late.Jack had been with the organization for fiveyears, was extremely punctual for all meetings,and, to the best of his knowledge, had neverbeen late to the CEO huddle—until today.

Leaving his office 15 minutes early withplenty of time to spare, Jack encountered aunique situation. Given that the conferenceroom was in a different building on the orga-nization’s campus, he was proceeding to themeeting unencumbered until the elderly ladyfell on the sidewalk in front of the adminis-tration building. Without hesitation, Jackrushed to her aid and began to call for assis-tance that required an ambulance, as it wasapparent the woman had broken her hip.


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Once the paramedics arrived and confi-dent that the woman was in good hands, Jackcontinued on to the meeting—15 minuteslate. On entering the conference room ascourteously as possible, Jack was immedi-ately confronted by the CEO with the follow-ing words, “What exactly is it about being ontime for my meetings you do not under-stand?” Jack respectfully expressed hisregrets, took his seat, and the meeting contin-ued in its usual manner.

After the meeting, Jack approached theCEO and asked to have a private word for amoment. The CEO consented, and Jack againexpressed his regrets for being late to themeeting. He also asked for clarification to theexpectation from the CEO by offering themitigating circumstances as to why he was

late. Should he have ignored the woman andlet someone else render assistance? Was it thecase that the CEO really did not intend peo-ple of the organization to act on the values ofcompassion and kindness that hung from aplaque on the boardroom walls in their dailybehavior?

Immediately, the CEO began asking for thefacts—the typical “who, what, when, where”of the event and then excused himself fromthe discussion to go see if the risk manager ofthe organization could get any more addi-tional information. Jack was left standingalone in the boardroom without a thank youfor his assistance and without an apology forbeing publicly embarrassed (despite the factthat respect was also one of the organizationalvalues) by the CEO in front of 15 senior

The ability to confront and apologize for behav-ior missteps is a critical component in engender-ing the support of peers and subordinates andkeeping them engaged in their work.


leaders. Jack waited two weeks for an apology—one he never received. It took himonly two weeks to connect in his network,obtain a new position, and resign from thisorganization—during an economic recession.The old adage that “people do not quit theirjobs, they quit who they work for” was nevermore true than in this case. Worse than theorganization losing its top-grossing moneymaker in a key department of the organiza-tion, the CEO never really had a clue as tothe real reason a top-drawer talent departedhis organization.

The unwillingness to express a legitimateand sincere apology creates more harm torelationships and contributes to moreunproductive response in performance thanany other interpersonal flaw. MarshallGoldsmith wrote, in his book What Got YouHere Won’t Get You There,6 “People whocannot apologize at work may as well be

wearing a t-shirt that says, ‘I don’t careabout you.’” When you express to enoughpeople in an organization that you do notcare about them, particularly as a seniorleader, you are destined for all kinds ofemployee behavior that will disrupt organi-zational performance.

How to Make an Effective Apology

In his article “5 Steps to an Effective Apol-ogy,”7 Tom O’Leary provides the followingguidelines for expressing an effective apology:


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❏ Make it genuine. Anyone can spot a falseapology, and it will do more harm thangood. A genuine apology is aimed solelyat taking responsibility and overcoming adisturbance. There are no hidden obliga-tions or expectations attached.

❏ Don’t justify your actions. If you are busyexplaining why you did what you did, itwill start to sound like you aren’t apolo-gizing at all, that you aren’t ready to takeresponsibility. A brief explanation mayhelp understanding, while a justificationmay just fuel the disturbance. Never usethe word “but” in an apology. The wordmeans you are not apologizing, only justi-fying your behavior.

❏ Make a commitment to change. If you can’tconfirm that you mean to improve, thenyou aren’t committed to an apology. If youaren’t committed to changing your habitof interrupting others in conversations,don’t say, “Sorry for interrupting.” Thiswill be a hollow and ineffective apology.You are better off thanking the other per-son, saying, “Thanks for putting up withme interrupting you all the time. I appre-ciate it,” and take it from there.

❏ Phrase your apology carefully. Make surethe other person knows why you are apol-ogizing. “I was passing by, so I thought I’ddrop in and say sorry” is a lot differentfrom “I wanted to come and apologizebecause I really do care about this rela-tionship.” Don’t fake it to make it. If youhave a good reason to keep the relation-ship alive, the other person will want tohear it.

❏ Be prepared for an awkward conclusion.Sometimes an apology is followed straightaway by a counter apology and peace andflowers and little birds carrying banners

The unwillingness to express a legitimate andsincere apology creates more harm to relation-ships and contributes to more unproductiveresponse in performance than any other inter-personal flaw.

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of love through the air, but not everyonereacts this way. Some people will behaveindifferently or coldly, and some willreact in a downright hostile way. This isout of your control. If you have made thestep to apologize in a productive way, it isthe best you can do. Maybe the other per-son will appreciate it later, or never. Nomatter what, you have done your bit andyou can relax. The rest is up to them.

BEHAVING WELL AND KNOWING WHEN TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY

We consistently hear organizational leaderscursing the outcome of low energy, lowengagement, low initiative, and people doingjust the minimum amount of work requiredto get by, all the while feeding the cause. Thecause is an inability to recognize how inap-propriate behavior affects the performance ofothers and failure to take responsibility to fixit with an effective apology.

At a very basic level, saying “I’m sorry”makes people feel better. It allows people tolet go of the past and focus on moving for-ward in positive and productive relationships.Sustaining productive relationships at work


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creates cohesion, collaboration, and connec-tion—the ingredients necessary to fuel engage-ment and drive performance. Adding an abil-ity to apologize when necessary links peopleto organizational values and behaviors. Itgives people the awareness of the right way ofgetting along well together, and that too drivesperformance. Finally, and perhaps mostimportant, behaving well and learning howand when to express an effective apologymake us better people and better able to sus-tain effective relationships in all contexts.

NOTES

1. http://www.power-projects.com/BuildingValuesDrivenOrganization.pdf.

2. Covey, S. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people.New York: Free Press.

3. See Maxwell, J. C. (2004). Winning with people. Nashville,TN: Thomas Nelson; p. 1.

4. Ibid., p. 19.5. Goldsmith, M. (2008). What got you here won’t get you

there: How successful people become even more success-ful. London: Profile Books.

6. Goldsmith, M. (2007). What got you here won’t get youthere. New York: Hyperion.

7. www.LifeGoalAction.com.



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Michael E. Frisina, PhD, is CEO of The Frisina Group, LLC, and senior research scholarat The Center for Influential Leadership. An award-winning educator, author of Influ-ential Leadership—Change Your Behavior, Change Your Organization, Change HealthCare (AHA Press), and conference speaker, he is committed to improving the perfor-mance of your leaders, your people, and your organization. Dr. Frisina is a former facultymember of The United States Military Academy at West Point and retired from The UnitedStates Army Medical Department. Dr. Frisina served as a subject-matter expert in leader-ship and ethics for the United States Army Surgeon General and the Department ofDefense Human Genome Project. He can be contacted at [email protected] andat www.thefrisinagroup.com. Robert W. Frisina is a principal in The Frisina Group, LLC,and executive director at The Center for Influential Leadership, with primary responsibil-ity for program development and research in leadership effectiveness and organizationaldevelopment. He is a member of the United States Army Reserve and has served as a civilaffairs specialist with the 2nd Brigade Combat Team in the 101st Airborne Division insouthern Afghanistan. He is a graduate of Clemson University and the John F. KennedySpecial Warfare School. Prior to his current position, he served as a legislative and policyadvisor to the governor of South Carolina. He can be contacted at [email protected].

behavior can “make or break” professional relationships and business success

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