behind the scenes
DESCRIPTION
TRANSCRIPT
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Common Reactions
Karen WeaverMarriage and Family Intern
Journey Coaching and Counseling
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Divorce changes
• Short term- living situations, schools, etc• Long term- how children handle adversity,
change and relationships• Children can and will adjust well given proper
guidance and support
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Understand and Help
This presentation will help you to:
• Understand what your child can process developmentally
• Learn ways to help your child express their feelings• Be competent at helping your child adjust to these
changes• Develop a closer bond with your child
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What did you feel about divorce?Angry, sad, lonely, confused, depressed, worried, overwhelmed, relieved, guilty?
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How did you cope?Talking with friends, crying, shopping, planning, moving, traveling,
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Anger Spectrum
withdrawal rage
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Toddlers
Developmentally toddlers:
• Do not understand cause and effect.• Have difficulty expressing themselves verbally.• Express emotions behaviorally.• Cannot understand permanent or temporary.
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Toddlers
Common reactions:
• Express feelings behaviorally.• Often regress in behaviors.• Demonstrate more anger.
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Toddlers
What you can do:
• Help them express their feelings (labeling).• Validate their feelings.• Provide reassurance, love and closeness.• Play games that connect.
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Preschoolers
Developmentally:• Feel they are the center of the universe.• Start to understand cause and effect.• Seek to differentiate themselves.• Crave independence, still need and want
limits.
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Preschoolers
Common reactions:• Demonstrate regressive behaviors.• Become clingy and insecure.• Act super good.• Feel insecure you may leave them also.• Act out in angry ways more frequently.
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Preschoolers
What you can do:• Label and voice their feelings for them.• Provide reassurance, closeness.• Reassure them it’s not their fault.• Validate their feelings.• Help them find a “feel better” strategy/item.
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Kids 6-8 years old
Developmentally:• Have more reasoning skills.• Able to voice feelings more effectively.• Understand you won’t leave them.• Building more coping skills.
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Kids 6-8 years old
Common reactions:• Feel guilty, maybe their fault.• Have a strong desire for parents to reunite.• Hide or deny feelings.• Attribute feelings to siblings or friends.• Act super good.
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Kids 6-8 years old
What you can do:• Validate their feelings.• Provide reassurance, closeness, cuddles.• Answer honestly about getting back together.• Watch your emotional reactions.• Don’t bad mouth the other parent.• Help them find feel better strategies.
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Tweens – ages 9-12
Developmentally:• Crave independence, still want emotional
guidance and support.• Have more reasoning abilities.• Still have difficulty with ambiguous and
complex situations.
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Tweens
Common reactions:• Start blaming one parent.• Demonstrate more anger.• Can be inclined to distance themselves.• Want parents to reunited.
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Tweens
What you can do:• Prompt discussions “I wonder if …”• Validate their feelings.• Encourage appropriate expression of anger.• Don’t encourage anger at the other parent –
encourage time together.• Problem solve with them.
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Teenagers
Developmentally:• More adept at coping and reasoning.• Desire more independence.• Hold rigid beliefs, thoughts.• Believe they have control over environment –
one parent failed.
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Teenagers
Common reactions:• Possibly blames one parent.• Growing up too fast (parentification).• Recognize feelings of others.• Withdrawal.
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Teenagers
What you can do:• Keep open communication.• Encourage them to spend time with peers.• Spend time with each parent.• Keep them involved with the family.• Problem solve with them.
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Warning Signs
• Frequent angry, violent outbursts, • School behavior problems, trouble with grades• Withdrawing from friends, family, isolating• Cutting, drug or alcohol abuse, self injury,
extreme risk taking• Disinterest in previous enjoyable activities.
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Thank You!
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