BEREAVEMENTBEREAVEMENT

Grief is a bridge over troubled waters in our lives.

It is the time of doubt and fear, insecurity and uncertainty,

when valuable connections in our lives are lost.

Click here if you wish to play “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” while you view the show.

Grief takes place when a bridge that communicates a person’s sense of security and well-being for

his/her life is broken.

This is often seen in the drastic change of normal behavior. One individual becomes sullen or

withdrawn while another acts out in ways abnormal to their usual mannerisms.

Just as a bridge spanning a river endures stresses (traffic, elements),

So our lives are also filled with stresses (families, responsibilities, bills, careers).

The death of a loved one impacts

residents and staff.

When a resident dies, this is often a personal loss for staff. Everyone needs time to grieve.

When a bridge --- the love of and for a person who has helped us to manage those stresses --- is lost

to death, grief and bereavement become the process of moving from

“losing what we have had” to

“having what we have lost.”

This is not always an easy journey. But we can help

others in their transition and we can recognize the

transition in our own lives.

Our families, faith, rituals, and friends become important forces in guiding ourselves or

helping us to help others,

in the restoration of meaningful bridges

after the death of a close one, or

helping us to “have what we have lost.”

• the people who compose our congregational family,

• the writings that we hold sacred,

• the rituals which bring us spiritual strength,

• the person of authority who represents the eternal to us

--- gives to us power to cope in ways that are beyond our

innate abilities.

Turning to the faith aspect of our own lives ---

A spiritual asset equal to those listed is our friends.

The importance of friendship to a

grieving individual cannot be overstressed.

That is where you ---

trainer,

supervisor, or

other staff member --- become so important.

We have much to contribute to others in their time of grief --- from

a reminding gift,

a word of sympathy,

a shared moment of tears,

or an abiding presence,

and many of the most meaningful ways we touch people,

especially our residents,

do not have words or labels.

For our own times of grief, self-care is another important force in coming to terms with the

realistic perception of tomorrow.

Resilience after a loss is a benefit of a healthy mind and body.

Noting the emotion of grief in a resident may be the simple observation of

a change in eating habits,

lack of sociability,

the onset of unusually overt behavior,

or out-of-the-norm displays of emotions.

Sharing the pain of a grieving person, whether they are a resident or a fellow staff member, is a humane ministry above and beyond the

call of duty.

Healthy grieving affirms the wonderful memory of a loved one while also preserving the health

of the griever to continue contributing a meaningful life span.

Attention to these little symptoms in ourselves and in our residents leads us to help ourselves

or those for whom we care to move from

“losing what we have had” to

“having what we have lost.”

A PARABLE OF IMMORTALITYAttributed to: Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says:

“There, she is gone!”

“Gone where?”

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: “There, she is gone!” there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: “Here she comes!”

And that is dying.