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WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWSTitle

Stories for Your Frame of MindSubtitle

Written by Best Agent BusinessKim Ades

Including a collection of stories by

Jacqueline Markowitz

What You Focus On GrowsTitle

Stories for Your Frame of MindSubtitle

Copyright 2008 Kim Ades & Jacquelinei MarkowitzYear by Best Agent Business

www.bestagentbusiness.comwww.fom52.com

[email protected]@[email protected]

Published by Lifebushido and Best Agent BusinessLifebushido and Best Agent Business

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No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording or information storage and retrieval methods now known or to be invented, without the written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for inclusion in an educational publication, radio, or TV broadcast.

Printed in the United States of America.United States of America.

1st 2nd X Edition – October February 2009Month Year2008

ISBN 978XXX-0X-9788854XXXXXXX-7X-2X

For Louis and Ferne… I hope my life enriches yours as much

as your lives are so very cherished in mine.

To all the amazing people in my life…thank you for lending

your lives to my stories.

With special thanks to my parents, my family, Allan &and the boys, Jacqui, and the FOM

team.TESTIMONIALS“Testimonial Content.”

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“Testimonial Content.”





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PREFACE

Table of ContentsTABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Lessons Come From Everywhere

For the Birds 1What a Rich Life Indeed3Bugs Bunny’s DNA 4The Glass Floor 6The Fallen Tree 8It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s… 11

What Are You Focused On?

The Robbers 14My Kid Has a Bad Attitude and It Has to Change! 16It’s No Coincidence 18Are You One of Those People? 20Be the Author of Your Life Story 22

Successful People Journal

The Written Word26A Butcher, a Baker, a Rainmaker… 29What Are You Thinking?32Money, Money, Money….Five Ways to Attract More Money Into Your Life 34Dump, Dump, then Dump the Dump 36

Just Kidding Around

By the Light of the Moon 39The Face of Determination 41The Baritone 43The Wrong Pizza 45Car Conversation 46Busted 47A Master Dethroned 49

Trading Up

The Red Paper Clip 52On a Scale of 1 to 10 55Inverse Paranoia 57The Road Trip 59This Is It…. 61Manifesting Your Man 63

Your Time Is Now

The Embrace 67Take Your Turn 69The Moment 71The Whiz 73Computer Lessons 75The Relief of Giving 76

Do What You Love

A Good Swing 79Three Strings Attached 81Tall Caramel Macchiato, Light, No Whipped Cream… 83How to Turn Down a Billion Dollars 86

These are the Only Two Suckers I Can Trust 89

Jacqui’s Frame of Mind

Stepping Into My Shoes…The Gorgeous and Very Expensive Ones 91Gratitude 93And…From the Top, Seven, Eight… 95Body & Soul 98Snow Day 100Time and Harmony 103Putting Yourself Out There 105

Frame of Mind Perspective

The Resolution Hangover 109The Greatest Coaches 112The Pink Slip… 114Independence Day! 117He Told Oprah About Me… 119

Order Form 121

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IntroductionINTRODUCTION

WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWShat You Focus on Grows


If I asked you how satisfied you were with your life, how would you answer? Would a feeling of peace and well-being overcome you? Would a sense of sadness befall you after realizing with the knowledge that you had not achieved nearly all that you had intended when you were younger? The purpose of this book is to help you get back on track and focus your frame of mind so that you can live the life you want with ease.

As the owner and pPresident of Frame of Mind Coaching, I speak intimately with hundreds and hundreds of people each year who feel that they haven’t lived up to their full potential, and still have things that they want to accomplish in their lives. Some don’t know exactly what they want, but feel incomplete and frustrated over the way things are. Others know what they want, but don’t know how to get there. They feel trapped in the circumstances and conditions that keep them from living the life of their dreams. Not everyone wants the same things, but the general themes are rather similar: a great career, a meaningful relationship, financial abundance, health, well being, and the freedom to do the things that really excite them. What I teach them is that the results they achieve in their lives, and have always


achieved in their lives, are a function of their thinking. These results can be dramatically changed with a slight adjustment to their frame of mind.

What You Focus on Grows was borne from the premise that our ultimate goals and dreams can be achieved through the simple act of focusing on what we want every day. Focus takes practice and the stories in this book serve as a trigger to point our thoughts towards our goals and aspirations. When we focus on the things we want, rather than the things that are missing, we begin to attract those things into our lives.

Through engaging stories about ordinary life, perceived through an extraordinary lens, this book will help readers refocus their Fframe of Mmind on what is most important to them. The stories in this book can be used to reveal the incredible gifts that surround us every day. The more you notice the gifts, the more they appear. What You Focus on Grows shows you how to see the gifts in every observation and in every encounter, even those that appear to be challenging and painful. That is the magic of this book; the stories inside will help you build your frame of mind, making it easier to focus on the things that you want to grow in your life.

WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWShat You Focus on Grows

One of the most significant messages in this book is the power of journaling. It is a tool that can be used to consistently focus your frame of mind on what you want to achieve and draw into your life. I invite you to explore FOM52, the idea behind Frame of Mind’s new website, and experience the remarkable impact that journaling can have on your life. Please join us at www.fom52.com.Introduction Text

http://Introduction/

LSECTION TITLEessons Come From Everywhere

“Life is full of gifts. All we have to do is notice that they are there and

unwrap them with glee!”Section Subtitle

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For the BirdsCHAPTER TITLE

My kids and I were standing on the platform at the train station, waiting for the train to pick us up and take us back to Toronto after a long weekend in Montreal visiting family. Ferne spotted a bird. It was a plump bird and it looked warm and snuggly, resting peacefully in a nook as though it had found a reprieve from the perils of the world. She had found a cozy spot to lay down her feathery load - right on the train tracks.

Seconds later we heard an announcement on the speakers overhead; “Last call for train 57 heading to Toronto.” As we looked up, we saw the train approaching. My daughter started to panic and wave her arms in an attempt to swish the bird away. My son started to shout at the bird, “Bird! Move away!” I became nervous as Ferne moved towards the tracks, desperately trying to help the bird. Seeing the train come closer, I held her back. The bird showed no intention of flight. We prepared ourselves to witness a bird squashing of colossal proportions.

I wanted to shield my kids from the imminent tragedy. I wanted to protect them from witnessing such a gruesome death. I was still hopeful that the bird would flee at

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the very last moment. The bird did not move. As the train came closer, I held my breath and waited for the impact…

There was no impact. She was sitting on the itsy bitsy part of the track that is tucked neatly beneath the place where the wheels of the train connect with the rail. She was safe. Holy smokes! We could not believe our eyes! The bird was smarter than us. She knew that she would be safe. Her demeanor showed no hint or fear or panic. and did not have a shred of fear or panic in her demeanor. In fact, she was so calm, she appeared to be asleep.

We were the ones who were in panic mode, even when there was nothing we could do. We had no trust that the bird knew what she was doing or that her instinct for self-preservation was at work. We were terrified by the anticipation of what we were certain was going to happen. We knew better. In no uncertain terms, that bird was going to die.

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It didn’t.

We are frequently terrified of disasters that never materialize. Sometimes it’s due to hype, like when we all ran out and bought 50,000 tons of water in preparation for the clock to strike midnight on the new millennium. Sometimes it’s due to paralyzing fear or outside influence. No matter what, we end up selling ourselves short of amazing experiences and cherished moments. Of course, I still don’t recommend you find a cozy little spot on the railroad track to take a little snooze. I do, however, recommend living on the edge. Stretch your comfort zone to try things that ordinarily might seem a little bit daunting or scary.

The real recommendation is this… Imagine you are 99 years old and you look at yourself in the mirror and reflect on your life… Think of the regrets you might have due to never having experienced certain things. What are those things?

Those are the things that you need to incorporate into your life before it’s too late. Those are the things that you need to experience so that you may live your life without regret.

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While it’s true that the bird’s resting spot freaked us out, imagine the bird’s life without the discovery of the train track? Imagine all the discoveries you have yet to make… Are you up for it?Chapter Content

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What a Rich Life IndeedCHAPTER TITLE

I saw him at the local sub shop. I’m guessing he was about 32. His hair was disheveled and he had a mustard stain on his shirt. The woman he was with looked like his grandmother. There was a walker parked nearby. She was helping him eat his submarine sandwich and wiping the drool off his chin. He smiled, he rocked, and he squealed with glee. His hands were covered with red goop – I think it came from the tomato that squirted out of his sandwich. Every bite was taken with absolute pleasure and delight. I have never watched anyone enjoy eating anything as much as this man.

It made me think about how most of us rarely even taste the food we eat. We go through life barely noticing the flavors in our meals, the color in our neighborhoods, and the fascinating wealth of experience to be gained from the people we interact with. We spend a lot of time trudging through life and we hardly notice the world we live in. We miss so much because we are not paying attention to the miracle of all of creation around us. We take for granted so

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many things that we ought to be grateful for.

Watching this man eat his sub made me wonder about his quality of life. Clearly he was not able to live like the rest of us. He was unable to communicate clearly; he could not walk without assistance. I cannot be certain, but it appeared that having any type of job was beyond his capacity. He was probably not married or engaged in any type of intimate relationship. His life was different. One could say he was short-changed and that his life lacked some of the basic privileges the rest of us are afforded. Some might feel sorry for him. Some might feel terrified to live in such a condition, but he was happy. What a rich life indeed. Chapter Content

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Bugs Bunny’s DNACHAPTER TITLE

Why is it that no matter what he’s confronted with, Bugs Bunny always wins? Regardless of whether he’s in a face-to-face battle with dim-witted rabbit hunter Elmer Fudd, at odds with explosive Yosemite Sam, building creative ploys to prevent Marvin the Martian from destroying the Earth, or matching wits with Wile E. Coyote, Bugs Bunny always finds a way to rise to the top. Other than the fact that the writers planned it that way, here’s what makes Bugs Bunny’s winning DNA distinct:

Bugs Bunny expects to win. Always. And what that means is that he is never stressed out and he never has a has not even a shred of self-doubt. He is certain of success and goes about his merry way expecting positive outcomes.

Do you expect to win in your career? Do you expect to win in your life? Or are you the type of person that exWpects things to go wrong? Are you certain of your success or do you wonder if your time for success will ever come? Your results are a direct product of the expectations you have. Start to look deeply at the real expectations that

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you have for yourself and consciously direct your thoughts towards have better expectations.

Bugs Bunny is always calm, finding a way to reduce or redirect the conflict in every situation. “What’s up, Doc?” is his unassuming way of disarming other characters and building rapport. He never frets – he knows it will all turn out fine.

Are you consumed with worry? Do you find yourself nervously dealing with events in your life? The worry, guilt, frustration, and anxiety that we feel (often over things that we cannot control) consumes our energy and negatively impacts our results. Imagine experiencing life knowing that things will all turn out fine, feeling calm and at peace all the time. One of the most powerful tools for building a calm frame of mind is the process of journaling, using the exercise of writing to unload the worriesy and redirect energy towards thoughts that are empowering and that align with the results you are looking for.

Bugs Bunny is resourceful and uses all kinds of witty tactics to distract and confuse his opponents. He invents new paradigms and sells them to his adversaries. In one episode called “Hare

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Tonic,”, Bugs escapes Elmer by tricking him into thinking there is a terrible outbreak of "Rabbit-itus.”.

Are you using all of the resources at your disposal to guarantee success? Do you tap into the people, the technology, the books, and historical success clues to help you mobilize your efforts towards winning? Write a list of all of the resources that you have access to and plan how you will methodically tap into each.

Bugs Bunny goes the distance. He does whatever it takes to win. He is willing to hide in a cannon, conduct an opera, and dress like a woman to get the job done. He is open, he is willing, and he knows how to have a great time in the process.

Are you willing to go the distance to get the job done? Are you willing to suspend your fear, even temporarily, and forge ahead to reach your goals? Create a vision of your success and write it down. What does it look like? What does it feel like? What do you need to do to make it happen? Are you ready?

Bugs Bunny is a winner. Do you have Bugs Bunny’s DNA?Chapter Content

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The Glass FloorCHAPTER TITLEI had a friend visiting from out of town and I wanted to show him the sites of Toronto – the CN Tower was a natural destination. It was an awesome sight, the tallest structure in the world.

We stood in line for 45 minutes with hundreds of other sightseers to ride the elevator up to the first lookout point – approximately 1500 feet above ground. We walked around the outside of the tower and took notice of the hard wire fence firmly attached to the building structure acting as a barrier to prevent people from jumping. We went back inside to look for the famous glass floor that provided a direct view to the ground below the edifice. As we approached, we came to a halting stop one step before walking right onto it. My friend found that his legs began to shake as a result of the fear of looking down from such a height. While there were many people standing on it, sitting on it and even lying down on it, still many were standing on the border of the glass floor not quite ready to take that step. I too paused for a moment, contemplating the step, taking a few seconds to peer over the edge before

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making a move. And then I had a conversation in my head:

“It’s a floor like any other floor. In fact, it’s probably far sturdier than any other floor in this building. There is no danger – it’s simply an illusion. Look at all the people already standing on it – they’re not scared. And think about all the people who have stood on it before – probably millions. This is safe.”

I proceeded to take that step onto the glass floor. I did not look down - at least not for a few minutes. We were a long way up. I walked on the floor and looked around and thought about how cool the experience was. I even found myself jumping up and down.

There was no danger, it was truly an illusion.

I began to look at the people around me and watched their fear and I watched how some of them were paralyzed standing on the edge, not daring to take that step. I thought about how many things in our lives we are afraid of and how many of them are equally illusions. I thought about all the things we stop ourselves from doing because we have tricked ourselves into

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thinking there is risk. I thought about all the things that I have yet to do that appeared scary and I thought about the mirror test; one that you use when you are 80 years old and look back on your life and decide whether or not you have any regrets. I was glad to see that while fear is not a stranger to me, my desire to live a life without regret has a much stronger pull.Chapter Content

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The Fallen TreeCHAPTER TITLEA couple of weeks ago, Jacqui and I decided to go on a twenty-four hour retreat; a time to clear our heads, focus on some new ideas, and even relax a little bit. We went to a cottage in northern Ontario. The lake was beautiful, the log chalet was welcoming, and the air was lazy and hot. We had a wonderful day. The next morning, we did our Frame of Mind for Body and Soul coaching call and then decided to go for a walk. As we walked along the country road, Jacqui kept alluding to a rumbling noise in the distance. She thought it sounded like thunder, I thought it sounded like a motorcycle. She was anticipating a storm and I was hoping for a ride back!

The sky did look ominous as we arrived back at the cottage, but I was still committed to the motorcycle idea. Thunder just doesn’t sound like that. It isn’t that continuous.

Jacqui, still on storm watch, suggested that we take a quick jump in the lake to cool off before “the storm”. Talk about foreshadowing. At the time, I chalked it up

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to excessive worry. Given my Frame of Mind bent, I’m constantly telling everyone to lighten up and stop expecting bad things to happen. Jacqui was to go out to the dock. I was in my room changing. The next thing I heard was her scream from inside the cottage.

“Oh My G-d Kim!”

I ran out of my room and saw her standing, frozen in the kitchen, looking out the window. Then I saw what she had just witnessed. A huge, I mean huge branch of a tree had smashed the hood of my car. We stared out the window. I sat down at the table, stunned, in disbelief. It all had happened so fast. It was minutes earlier that we had walked through the front door where the car was parked and crossed the path of the tree. The incredible weight of our near miss was both heavy and light at the same time.

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Stunned and not quite sure what to do, we decided to play a round of rummy until the storm subsided. Finally, torrents of rain, cracks of lightning and turbulent thunder gave way to an eerie still.

We stepped outside the cottage. We walked around the car. The hood was rumpled and crushed and the windshield had cracked into thousands of pieces just waiting to fall. My car was new. My 2008 new midnight blue Mazda CX9 with tan leather seating for seven, a backup camera, navigation system, and DVD player looked very sad.

So what did we do? Two city girls in the country… Did I mention the power was out and we had a car that couldn’t be driven and we really wanted to go home?

Well, this Thelma and Louise did not drive off the cliff. They dealt with it – efficiently, calmly, and smartly. We called those in our lives that would help us to identify the protocol and then set to work; insurance, police, dealerships, Mazda roadside assistance (who proved to be of little assistance), and the Canadian Automobile Association (who came to our rescue). While we were waiting to be picked up, Jacqui took a swim in the lake and I stayed

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with my car and reapplied my makeup for the ride home. I don’t know how she could take a swim at a time like this, and she can’t figure out how I could even think about mascara!

However, I looked good for the trip and she was dripping wet.

The tow truck arrived; the kind of tow truck that has a bed for the car. We bunked into the front cabin with a rather large driver who took the turns on the highway at a rather quick speed, all the while munching on potato chips and sipping ginger ale. His cigarette package lay beside him, and when I saw him reach for the pack, I begged him to hold off, threatening a sick passenger if he lit up. He relented.

The incident was frightening, unfortunate, and the details of repair and insurance were challenging. Had we extended our walk by even a minute, that tree could have hit us as it bounced off my car. I have always said that things happen for a reason … But what was the reason for such a freak of

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nature to hit me in such a personal way? The reason was to practice keeping a clear perspective, accentuate living in the present, and remember how important it is to be grateful for all my moments. I live an incredible life even with a smashed up car. It was just a car after all.Chapter Content

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It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…Our technical associate walked into my office just as I was sitting down to write an article for the newsletter this week, and I asked, “What should I write about?” He responded, “Superman”. Actually, I thought that was a very good idea. Superman, able to leap tall buildings at a single bound, moving from mild mannered reporter to devastatingly mysterious superhero seamlessly. Wouldn’t it be great to have a red cape?

Sometimes I do feel that in order to get through the day, it will take a red cape. Providing my clients with time, integrity and single-minded focus has become the emblem of our company. Giving my attention to my children and nurturing them in every way that they require, from love, to homework, to shopping, meals, soccer, preparing for camp, and more is paramount. Developing a relationship with the new man in my life, carving out time to speak to my parents and my myriad of geographically dispersed friends, and maybe squeeze in a manicure and some highlights are all important things.

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Navigating through the rituals, requirements and quirks of our day can be challenging. Have you ever noticed how some people really are like Superman?

You just can’t figure out how they do it. They have the “I want it all” package, the limited edition version. They have a great career, great kids, and fabulous relationships. They take amazing holidays, and always seem to be at the right place at the right time. They have wonderful friends, give to the community, look impeccable and drive a terrific car. How do they do it?

Here are three super tools of superheroes, things that top performers have learned from Superman. Do you want to lead a super-charged life?

[1.] They have hung on to their red cape played with during childhood, never letting the dream slip away. They believe that it is just that simple to get what they want and go where they are going. They take the leap and believe that they will fly. Fears, trepidation, over-analyzing the situation, and mediocrity never enter their field of vision.

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[2.] They possess a healthy mix of grace and gratitude. Superheroes are most often relaxed, welcoming, and easy to talk to. They live each day of their lives with a sense of gratitude, and sincere thankfulness. That expression overflows into their relationships. Their interactions are authentic, natural and graceful.

Speed. One minute Clark Kent is vying for a photograph of a news story and the very next minute he has donned his tights and cape and is soaring to the rescue. There is never any doubt he will save the day. He gets right to it. He is certain of his skills and knows that they will be there for him whenever he needs them.Superman might have a cape, but I have a Blackberry, a computer, and a phone. I am the superhero of multi-tasking. I am able to solve, express, and respond, all with the touch of my fingertips! As far as superheroes go, I actually see myself more like Kimberly Ann Possible from the Kim Possible series. I perform daily missions without ever leaving my office. I embrace the universe and deal with the plots and sub-plots of the everyday lives of my family, clients, and friends.

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“What you see before you is what keeps materializing. What you

think aboutbecomes your reality.”Subsection

Title

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The Robbers CHAPTER TITLEChapter ContentMy parents are Egyptian Jews with deep rooted cultural beliefs and customs. I am the baby of the family who decided to make an appearance 13 years after my brother and 15 years after my sister - I was the pleasant surprise. Between the food, guilt, and the intensely over protective parenting approach, you can imagine the loving cocoon in which I was enveloped as a child. While I grew up believing that I was everyone’s favorite, I instinctively knew that given the huge generational gap and the cultural disparity, I had to move away from the nest in order to maintain a tight relationship.

I now live in Toronto. They live in Montreal, but the distance does not impact our communication. I am very close with them

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– I speak to them nearly every day on the phone and visit them several times a year. Having not been to Toronto in over 2 years, they decided to come for a visit to make sure my life was in order. That’s when my mother informed me about the robbers:

“Don’t leave the door unlocked when you are in the house, there are robbers.”

“Lock your car, and don’t leave your purse in the back seat. A robber can open the door while you are at a red light and steal it.”

“Don’t open your sunroof. A robber can jump through the top and attack you.”

“Zip up your purse and keep it on your lap when you go to the washroom (restroom) in a public place. A robber can reach over the door and grab it if it’s hanging on the back of the door.”

So apparently my mother is afraid of robbers. She means well and she is unquestioningly trying to protect me from the evils of the world. It’s absolutely a sign of love but… WHERE ARE ALL THESE ROBBERS???

BOOK TITLEWhat You Focus On Grows

My mother looks for them and guess what? She finds them - in newspapers, on T.V., on the radio, in conversations with her friends, in conversations she overhears, and even in her dreams. She expects to find them and she does. That is her reality. It’s what she pays attention to.

Your world is composed of what you focus on and your “reality” is very much a function of what you expect. If you expect bad things to happen, they do. If you look for drama, chaos, and volatility, they will appear. Even when you don’t look for it, but wish it were gone, you are still focusing on that very thing and so it remains a factor in your world and often grows. If you focus on what’s missing in your life, like money for instance, you get more of what’s missing – no money. If you focus on the fact that you are overweight, you stay overweight.

Imagine spending all that energy focusing on the things you want, such as generating wealth, health, and happiness. Imagine expecting it to come your way. The likelihood of it appearing is significantly magnified when you can envision it and perceptually experience actually having it. The more you can see, taste, smell, touch, and emotionally feel what it’s like to obtain what you want, the closer you are to

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SECTION TITLEWhat Are You Focused On?

reaching it. In fact, it starts to head your way.

The most incredible thing is that you can choose what you want to focus on every day. Just like brushing your teeth in the morning, it can become a habit to wake up in the morning and choose the thoughts that you will focus on for the day. Focus on thoughts that bring you closer to the things that really matter in your life. Think good thoughts, happy thoughts, thoughts of gratitude, excitement, anticipation, and love.

It’s really all about your Frame of Mind. What thoughts will you choose for today?

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CHAPTER TITLE My Kid Has a Bad Attitude and It Has to

Change!Chapter ContentI coach a lot of people, people who have kids who aren’t living up to their parent’s expectations.

Here are some of the things I hear:

“I have an 8-year-old son and when things don’t go his way, he pouts. It drives me crazy. I tried talking to him about it but it doesn’t help.”

“My kid yells and screams until he gets his way.”

“My son is a great volleyball player. After his games, all he does is focus on how he screwed up. He beats himself up over it. I am worried that his negativity will affect him later on in life. When he’s playing and he messes up, I know in advance what our conversation will be like after the game.”

“My daughter is just like her father. It’s always doom and gloom and I don’t know how to change it. She expects things not to work out.”

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“My son is lazy. He doesn’t work very hard. He has everything handed to him on a silver platter. I am concerned that he’s going to grow up and not know how to work for a living.”

“My daughter is always so worried about how she looks. She spends hours in front of the mirror every day, and she is on the phone all the time. She is so easily influenced by her friends. I am worried that she is going to end up on the wrong side of the tracks and get into trouble.”

They turn to me for advice on how to fix their children. The truth is… nothing is wrong with their children. What they have to fix is their own thinking.

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Here is how it works:

What you focus on grows. What you see before you is what keeps materializing.

What you think about becomes your reality. This all applies to your children.

When you focus on your child’s pouting and have a “talk” with your child about this behavior, it becomes a focal point and it grows. The pouting gets worse as a result. When you pay attention to your daughter’s negativity, her negativity doesn’t lift, it just takes a bigger bite. When you notice and worry about your son’s tendency to beat himself up over a mistake or a failure, that tendency won’t go away, it will just run deeper. The real issue is not what your children are doing or not doing. The issue is what YOU are paying attention to.

So here is the magical secret of parenting: Focus on the characteristics of your children that you really want to see. Your focus will help these characteristics grow. Focus on the moments when your child demonstrates the behaviors, skills, talents, values, and traits that you want him or her to have and make a big deal out of those moments. That’s the time to have a “talk” with your child. Tell him how wonderful they are. When they feel wonderful, their

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wonderful characteristics will naturally expand.

The trick is to see what you want to see as well as to see what they want you to see about them. Fixing your children is really a function of fixing you.

Start thinking about your children differently and the results will be astronomical.

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CHAPTER TITLEIt’s No Coincidence

Do you ever think of someone and then all of a sudden they call or just show up? You think to yourself “Wow! What a strange coincidence – it’s almost freaky.”

That’s exactly what happened to me the other day. I thought of someone that I hadn’t spoken to in over two years and that very same night he sent me an e-mail.

The truth is that it’s not freaky – it’s what ALWAYS happens – but not just with people, with everything. What you think about shows up in your life. Your thoughts create an energy that is sent out into the universe and that energy always receives a reply that is matched by an equal energy. ALWAYS.

What you focus on grows. When you focus on how bad the market is – you get results that match those thoughts. When you focus on how all buyers are tire kickers – all of a sudden every tire kicker in the world finds you. When you focus on plummeting prices, you find sellers who are disappointed with

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you because they don’t want to sell for less. By the same token, when you focus on how great life is, you experience all the great things life has in store. The most amazing part of all of this is that you get to choose.

Freedom of choice – what an amazing concept! People often equate freedom with the elimination of any and all rules or societal restrictions. The fact is that choice has nothing to do with society – and everything to do with your thoughts. Think about it.

When you are driving down the road, and someone cuts you off you can think “That *#@%&*! - What an awful driver! Why does this always happen to me?” Or you can think, “Wow, that guy is in a rush. I wonder if he has an emergency he needs to attend to. I will help him by staying out of his way.”

Both thoughts are options … which one feels better? Choosing thoughts that feel better is the ultimate freedom of choice, regardless of circumstances.

Make the choice. Choose thoughts that serve you and create an energy that draws to you what you really, really desire. Keep

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those thoughts firmly lodged in your mind’s eye and focus on them. Your success is no coincidence. It’s a function of your thoughts.Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLEAre You One of Those People?

Are you one of those people? The kind of person who brightens a day and makes other people feel on top of the world. Are you a person whose words are inspirational, meaningful, or heartfelt?

The other day I was at a store with my daughter, Ferne. We had popped over to the Dollar Store to have some fun while my son, Louis, was at his fencing lesson.

We were at the cash register paying for our goodies, when the cashier remarked, “Your daughter is so beautiful.” Smiling, I replied, “Thank you. She is even more beautiful on the inside. She has a beautiful heart.” I looked down at Ferne, she was grinning from ear to ear. She was brimming with joy from our comments, and she carried herself just a little bit taller as we left the store.

I was beaming as well. Not only from the lovely comment from the cashier, but because my words about Ferne had an immediate impact on her that was reflected in her face and her body language. I thought to myself, it is so simple to make someone’s day a little bit brighter, to let

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them know they are important to you, to recognize their attributes.

We all know them and admire them. They are the kind of person who takes the time to call and say thank you after they’ve been invited to your home for a party or for dinner. They are the friend who always remembers your birthday, no matter how much time has elapsed since your last conversation. They are the business associate who writes you a quick note telling you what a pleasure it was to meet you the other day. These are the kind of gestures that make you smile, the notes that you post on your bulletin board or fridge, the little niceties that give you a warm feeling and make you feel special.

It is so easy to make someone smile, to brighten their day, to send a warm feeling, to make a connection and create a bond. Communication, correspondence, follow-up, and keeping in touch with our clients, friends, and our family are the simplest yet most effective and moving ways that we make connections. Most of these are such simple gestures. It takes hardly any time to reach out and touch people, and the impact is very powerful.

Communication builds relationships. Paying attention to details, following up with

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people, validating their concerns, listening, keeping in touch, responding quickly, showing you’re interested in what they are doing, engaging, sharing visions, and carving out the time for conversation are all important. One must understand needs and above all be genuine.

It’s all about building relationships. It’s about seeing our clients, associates, friends and family in the way they want to be seen. When we focus on the attributes of the people in our lives, we allow them to shine; we affirm what is unique and special about them, bringing them closer to that realization.Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLEBe the Author of Your Life Story

I’m not really a sports fan, but I love good stories. Here’s one that I couldn’t resist.

Leon Powe is the eldest of 7 siblings. His father took off when he was seven years old, and one of his younger brothers burned down their house in an accidental fire caused while playing with matches. They lost everything. Over the next years they stuck together as a family as much as possible, moving more than twenty times in six years, sleeping in motels, one-bedroom apartments, abandoned cars and homeless shelters while his mother, Connie Landry, did her best to provide food for her children. Leon attended many schools as they moved from place to place and missed a lot of classes to help take care of his family. When Leon was ten, his mother was caught stealing groceries and was put in jail. The children were placed in foster homes. No matter how difficult it was, or how many obstacles crossed their path, Leon’s mom always found a way to provide for them. He says ``It was hard, but she made a way out of no way. That’s what I remembered at all times, because she always found a way to get it done even

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when it was looking like there was no way.`` This ideology set the foundation, albeit unintentionally, for Leon Powe`s success.

Leon wound up at Oakland Technical High School where he found a father figure in his good friend’s father, Bernard Ward. Ward encouraged Leon to improve his grades and stay focused in order to succeed in life. Powe also found a home with the school basketball team. It seemed as if all was turning around for him and starting to fall into place, when his Mom died suddenly of unknown causes. Powe says of his mother, “Mom said that when she saw me play it made her happy. Every time I get stuck, I just remember what she went through, what my siblings went through and what I went through…” Four days after her death he stepped on to the court and played in the championship game. He got noticed by the University of California. A few weeks later he tore the ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) in his knee. The university took him in anyways; his talent, his work ethic

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and his academic success served him well. In his first game as a freshman, post-surgery, he led in scoring and rebounds and was named the team’s MVP. And then he injured his knee again.

I can feel everyone reading this article sigh in unison. I mean, what else can happen to this guy? And yet…And yet, he doesn’t let it define him.

Powe kept going strong throughout his university career, and got recruited by the Boston Celtics.

Here’s a guy who absolutely maximizes his opportunities. He now shares his story and its lessons with young people. He says, “I never forget where I came from, people who helped me, the stuff I went through”. This story has the potential to make me a basketball fan.

One of the most significant factors in Powe’s life is that he used his thoughts to propel himself towards success. He maintained a clear and focused mind set towards his goals and dreams. We can change and create our own life story as well. Here are the five steps to achieving stratospheric success:

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[1.] Journaling. Practice writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Writing has the power to transform our lives; from confronting our battles, to exploring our dreams, hopes and aspirations. When we write down our thoughts, feelings, and desires rather than keeping them inside our minds or hearts, we allow them to come to life.

[2.] Vision: In order to get where you’re going, you have to identify what it is you want. If you don’t have a clear picture of what is ideal for you, then it will be very difficult to attract it into your life. When you have a clear vision of what you want and what kind of person you want to be, then it will come to you with greater ease.

[3.] Imagine yourself as though you have already achieved your goals. A great way to practice this is to create your conversations in your journal. They are a reflection of who you are and they also reflect

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[4.] what you think and feel about yourself. Imagine and write down your ideal conversations. This provides you an incredible means for expression, and the opportunity to rectify, clarify, plot and chart.

[5.] Grow your relationships. Really pay attention to the people in your life that fuel you. Leon Powe was drawn to and led by strong healthy people; his mother, his teachers, his coaches and his mentor.

[6.] Leverage your circumstances. Leon’s mother died 4 days before a major championship game. He did not let this defeat him. Instead, he was able to tune in to all the goodness of her life and the lessons she taught him; he embraced her spirit and her support, and he was able to bring honor to her passing by his success. Bad things happen to all of us, but he was able to take his circumstance and spin it in a way that would have made her happy and proud.

Leon Powe teaches us that we are the authors of our own life story.Chapter Content

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SECTION TITLESubsection Title



“Journaling has a transformational effect. It’s

very subtle but very powerful and works faster

and more effectively at driving results than

anything else I have ever seen in coaching.”

Successful People JournalSECTION TITLE

CHAPTER TITLEThe Written Word

Last Thursday, as I walked to my car after a full and productive day at work, I noticed a small piece of paper sticking out of the crack of my door. It was the size of a business card and there was a note on it. Here’s what it said, “Just felt like leaving you a note… and oh yeah – I love you!” It was a note from Allan, my significant other. He stopped by my office with a coffee and left a note for me on the way out. He made my day and yet it really didn’t take much.

As I reflected on this gesture it occurred to me how poignant his message was. I felt appreciated, loved and cared for with 13 short words. The written word has power. If others can impact us with their words to that degree, then consider the immeasurable impact of our written word on ourselves. What do I mean by that? I mean that with our words we can help ourselves to feel appreciated, loved and cared for on an ongoing basis. If the way we feel is responsible for the results we get in our lives, what we think about and tell ourselves can make all the difference

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What You Focus On GrowsBOOK TITLE

between stratospheric success and miserable failure.

Journaling is an extraordinarily powerful way to help people achieve their goals. Here’s why:

[1.] Journaling allows us to unload the tension and stress that builds up when things don’t go according to plan. Journaling enables us to express negative thoughts and release the mental toxins from our system, creating space for positive things to come our way. Just like the feeling that follows after we’ve cleaned our house or our car, ridding our mind of the garbage provides the same sense of peace and calm.

What’s the difference between journaling and jogging or yoga as a method for stress relief? Journaling has greater permanence. When it’s in writing, it doesn’t just disappear the moment we are complete, it stays and can serve us repeatedly. Journaling is also a tracking mechanism to show how far we’ve travelled over time and to remind us what we have achieved.

[2.] Journaling acts as a mirror for our psyche. Reading back what we have written provides us with a palette of thoughts we can choose from. If we

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read something that we don’t like, we can decide to orient our thoughts in a different direction. By the same token, if we read something that we like and it makes us feel good, we can decide to spend more time focusing on it. Journaling helps to reveal the thoughts that are brewing in our minds and gives us access to the kinds of ideas and thoughts we are cultivating subconsciously. When we become aware of the thoughts that we are focused on, we can begin to make decisions about the thoughts that help us move towards our goal and those thoughts that keep us stagnant. We can then actively pick thoughts that are helpful and replace those that are harmful.

[3.] Journaling provides a blank canvas for identifying, creating, and designing our dreams. Often, when we are asked what it is that we really want – we hesitate with an answer because we aren’t so sure. Journaling allows us to create a very clear vision of the things we really want – both tangible and intangible. Writing it down exactly how we want it to be engages us in the process of envisioning possibilities that we want

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to have materialize in our lives. The more detail, texture, color, and depth we apply to our visions, the greater the likelihood of attracting it our way. What we focus on grows, and journaling is the tool that encourages us to focus on what we want.

[4.] Journaling helps us build the muscle to be happy with our present circumstances, to cherish our moments, and to take notice of all the abundance that is part of our lives on a daily basis. The shortest distance between where we are now and where we want to be is to truly appreciate where we are now and allow the rest to flow our way.

Through the written word, each of us has the ability to create a new reality – one that has us thriving in a successful career, enjoying the warmth and love of intimate personal relationships, and doing the things that get our hearts racing and our bodies smiling. The written word has the strength to change how we feel and there is nothing more important than that. It’s quite simple.

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When we feel good, good things come our way. Journaling allows us to build the mind muscle that keeps us focused on appreciating what is and imagining what could be. Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLE A Butcher, a Baker, a Rainmaker…

A butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker … Each career has its own intrinsic joys and demons. As a butcher, we would always have meat on our table, but we would be surrounded by carcasses every day. We’d have to have the stomach for it. A baker is a jolly job, a source of happiness for so many people. The trick would be to bake using healthy ingredients so we wouldn’t get fat! A candlestick maker has a sense of romanticism, conjuring images of candlelit baths and dinners for two, but we would have to be very careful not to get burnt. When confronted with a decision, there is clearly no better way to consider our options, determine the potential, or contemplate our feelings than writing it down! Keeping a journal is as simple as a nursery rhyme; we need no more than a pen and paper to chronicle our life journey, compose our hopes and dreams, and construct the scaffolding to build our fortune.

The words that we write in our journals have the power to transform our lives. We can use them to confront our battles, personal demons, and deep dark secrets.

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We use them to explore and expose our fantasies, dreams, hopes, and aspirations. Writing allows us to envision the kinds of miracles and joys we’d love to see come into our world. It allows us to re-frame our life experiences by giving us a forum in which to express and re-direct our thoughts. When we write, we engage in a very different process, one that is experiential. When we write down our thoughts, feelings, and desires rather than keeping them inside our minds or hearts, we allow them to come to life. In the written word, our dreams and goals become tangible, validated, and are more valuable.

Oprah Winfrey is a huge advocate of journaling. She has even featured journaling on her show! For years, Oprah dreamed of creating her own television network. In fact, she says, "In 1992, I wrote in my journal that I had a vision of creating my own network…” and recently she announced that she was partnering with the Discovery Channel to launch OWN - the Oprah Winfrey Network. Thank you, Oprah, for demonstrating the power of the written word. Writing is a powerful, powerful tool used to visualize and manifest our dreams.

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Do we need any more proof of the power of writing?

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Here are five benefits of writing in a journal:

[1.] Writing provides a vehicle by which we can let go of the things that are clouding our thoughts and getting in our way. It provides a way for us to gain a heightened awareness of our thoughts and actions. It’s personal, there is no judgment, it is true and authentic, and the only commentary comes from us. When we unload the “stuff” that is crowding our consciousness, our minds get less cluttered and we are able to see our intentions with greater clarity.

[2.] Writing in a journal allows us to connect to our inner voice, which serves as our guide and enables us to unleash our expectations. Writing provides us with a clean slate on which we can chart a path, plot, plan, envision, create, and explore the possibilities in our lives.

[3.] The act of journaling allows us to reflect, step back, and look at our lives. We can consider our past, present and future thoughts and dreams. A journal gives us the perspective to switch tracks. We can

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see what is working for us, what is not, and to make changes accordingly.

[4.] The act of writing invites us to engage our imagination and tap into a very powerful resource. We start to design, craft, and write the story of our life the way we would like it to be. It calls us to take action.

[5.] Writing is a vehicle which allows us to get from where we are now to where we want to be. As we are doing this, we are actually creating a shift in our mind. That shift starts to draw the things that we want in our lives toward us. Writing is absolutely critical to this process. This is where we get to create and manifest the things we want in our lives.

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[6.] Writing provides us with an opportunity to make really significant changes in our lives and in our careers. To keep a journal is to gain insight into ourselves. It’s the place to plan a spectacular menu, bake a sumptuous pie, and set the mood of our vision. It is a place to make it rain…Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLE What Are You Thinking?

It’s a fact that your thoughts are responsible for the results you get in your life.

Do You Even Know What You’re Thinking?

How could you? With 6 million thoughts a day, it’s nearly impossible for you to be aware of what you are thinking every moment of every day. While you are conscious of some of your thoughts, the bulk of them lie in your subconscious and are difficult to access. There are some thoughts that serve you and others that stand between you and your success. Without full consciousness, how can you identify which ones are good for you and which ones are detrimental? And how can you have more of the thoughts that serve you and less of the ones that hinder you?

The secret is to write down the thoughts that are taking up primary space in your mind and challenge the beliefs that hover beneath them. Once you start to uncover your true beliefs, you begin to understand what it is that is stopping you from reaching the goals you want to achieve for

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yourself, and you are able to replace those beliefs with ones that propel you to greater fulfillment.

Here is an example:

One of my coaching clients was journaling about a frustrating situation with a business partner. She wrote about how he wasn’t carrying his weight and how she was counting on him to close a deal on a work project. It wasn’t that she really wanted to do the project, but rather that she “needed the money.”

This journal entry provided critical information about her thoughts. It revealed both what she didn’t want and what she was focused on. She did not want to be involved with this partner or work on this project, and she was focused on the absence of money. What you focus on grows. After a little probing, we discovered that one of her beliefs was that she needed a partner to be financially successful and was chronically waiting for other people to make things happen for her. In order to challenge this belief, we went through a series of events in her past to accumulate evidence of the fact that she has, in fact, had a great track record of success on her own – but she never looked at it that way.

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The moment that she was able to see that she could succeed on her own was the minute that business started to come her way on a project that did not involve any partners.

Her journals uncovered that she was a chronic spender and was accustomed to living hand to mouth. Needing money was a way of life for her for quite some time. She decided that she wanted to upgrade her frame of mind in this area of her life. Rather than writing about needing money, her journals began to focus on having money and then she began to save her money. At first, the intention was to save only a dollar per day. But at the end of the month, she found that she saved $85. That excited her, so she doubled it and kept up with her daily dollar savings. She kept this process going for six months to find that she had saved a total of $7300 – more than she had ever saved in her life.

Journaling helps you to see the thoughts that lie beneath the surface of the consciousness.

Journaling provides you with a means to sort through your thoughts and pick the ones you want to keep and identify the ones you want to trade up.

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Journaling with guidance challenges you to focus on what you want rather than what you don’t.

What you focus on grows.

There is no more powerful tool for helping you focus on your goals than journaling.Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLE Money, Money, Money….Five Ways to Attract

More Money Iinto Your LifeThis article is not about Donald Trump, although he does seem to have a knack for attracting wealth, which is what this article is about – attracting wealth into our lives. But not in the way you think.

When I start to work with a client in our Frame of Mind Coaching program, one of the first things I ask them is, “What is it that you want in your life? What do you want to achieve?”

Do you know what the number one answer is? You got it – money – right off the bat. This is the “instant reflex” answer. Then I ask them again, with more emotion in my voice, “What is it that you really, really want in your life?” This response takes a little more time. The answer consistently comes back reflecting money, with words like, “Well, if I could make a lot of money then my life will be better, my relationship with my husband/wife will be better, I will be happier…” So, I ask again with a little more emphasis, “What is it that you really, really, really want in your life?” Then, after taking the time to muddle it through, to get

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clear, they say, “What I really, really want in my life is to be happy.”

Money is not a focus; happiness is a focus, a vision. Even “the Donald” says in his book, Trump: Art of the Deal, “Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.”

Don’t get me wrong, I think money is great! Money touches all our lives in one way or another and I’m all for having oodles of it. If you’re looking at money to cure what ails you in your life and trust that having it will miraculously make your life great, think again. What I’m interested in achieving in life is happiness, simple happiness. I believe that when we are happy and doing what we love to do, what we are passionate about, money will easily flow into our lives. As a matter of fact, I believe that we attract money into our lives when we are content and leading happier lives.

The single most influential thing that you can do to achieve your goals and attract more money into your life is to write in a journal. Writing in a journal

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is an immensely powerful tool that can create significant change and tremendous transformation in your life. It’s the vehicle that allows you to get from where you are now to where you want to be. Use your journal to:

[1.] Visualize your goals and dreams. Write down exactly what it is that you want to achieve. After all, you can’t go after your dreams until you are clear on what they are. Writing in a journal makes your dream jump to life on the page – all of a sudden it begins to take shape.

[2.] Discover your unique talents. Use the tool of writing to brainstorm and determine what your passions are. What delights you? What seems to be effortless? What you are really good at? If each day you wake up to a career that brings you infinite joy – you will be successful.

[3.] Get rid of the stuff that is holding you back, the beliefs that are standing in your way, and the life philosophies that are acting as stumbling blocks. Things like, “This is the way it’s supposed to be, it doesn’t matter if I’m happy, I need to make a living.” When you expose your

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limiting beliefs in your journal, you create the opportunity to change them.

[4.] Chart, plot and plan. Use your journal to create a blueprint of the way that you want to live your life, the career that you intend to have, and what you will do with the money that will come your way.

[5.] Practice and take inspired action. Through writing in your journal, you have gained clarity about what you want and have devised a plan for achievement. It’s now time to set your thoughts into action! Keep writing in your journal and document your success, refine your plan, and move forward.

Money, money, money…find happiness first.Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLE Dump, Dump, then Dump the Dump

There are some friendships that aren't planned, or deliberate, but just grow deeply over time. My friend, let's call her D, is one such friend.

D just got rid of a huge cancer in her life, her boyfriend for the past 7 years, on her birthday. Happy Birthday, D! Typically, a friend should show empathy for this kind of loss, particularly after such a long time together, but in this case I am rather serious when I say that it is truly a time of celebration.

He had not one redeeming quality about him.

Smart? No.

Kind? No.

Well accomplished? No.

Good looking? Other than his pecs, not even!

There was nothing about him that was attractive. She is a single mother with 4

21


teenage kids. He lived in her house, he didn't work, he “borrowed” her money, used drugs, had a fist fight with her son, and had the nerve to tell her that she would never find another specimen like him. What a blessing!

For years I have been having the conversation with her that she deserves more in her life, that he is nothing but a noose around her neck, that he is horrible for her kids, and that he sucks her dry. And for years she has agreed whole-heartedly. But it took years for her to find the courage to let him go.

What was it that held her back?

Fear of the unknown? Yes.

Fear of being alone? Yes.

Fear of not finding someone else? Yes.

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Fear of never being enough? Absolutely!

Perhaps the first three of those fears can be overcome, but the last can be debilitating, because it is truly the fear of never being enough that gets in the way of realizing that you are more than enough right this minute. And that is the key - just believing that you are already enough. It's a funny thing - that kind of belief doesn't just happen overnight, especially after years and years of harmful programming.

So here is what I told D to do: Get a journal and write in it every day. Get rid of all the crap swimming in your head. Complain, moan, groan, feel sorry for yourself, curse, blame, and belittle - just dump it out. And when you are close to being finished, keep dumping until there is nothing left. And then stop. Re-read what you have written and then dump the dump. Start to write the story of your life now as you want it to be. Write about who you are in your ideal world, what your life is like, what you are grateful for and why you are more than enough right this minute. And keep writing. Every day. Never stop - until you believe without a shadow of a doubt that you are not only more than enough, you are the bomb!Chapter Content

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SECTION TITLESection Subtitle

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0

Just Kidding Around

“Kids can change their thoughts on a dime. This is a valuable lesson for us all to

master.”

SECTION TITLEJust Kidding Around

CHAPTER TITLEBy the Light of the Moon

She was tired and stressed and obviously upset. She was out of control and unable to collect herself. My eight-year-old daughter, Ferne was beside herself because it was already 8:55 p.m. and she still had so much to do: Study for her French spelling test, read, and write in her journal. Yes, of course she has a journal; she is my daughter, after all! With a note of hysteria, she blamed me for letting the time slip by and claimed that she hated herself for not being prepared for the spelling test. Nothing I could do would calm her down. I tried everything. I tried extending her bed time by an extra 20 minutes, I tried getting her to focus on the time we still had to study for her test, and, seeing that she was far too exhausted to study anyways, I tried suggesting that she relax and wake up fresh the following morning and study then. No matter what I said, her hysteria grew. She even began to thrash around on her bed, unable to contain herself. She lost it.

Then her brother, Louis, walked in the room. He had just finished taking his shower and stood in front of us wrapped in a towel. Witnessing the dynamics of the situation, he decided to add his own spice to the mix. Just as he turned around to

3


leave the room, he deliberately let his towel drop, mooning us both. Ferne started to laugh and the tension evaporated instantly. She let go of beating herself (and everyone around her) up and traded it in for a little levity.

What an idea! Trading in the tension and self-defeating thoughts for a little levity is such a simple, yet powerful concept.

She ended up reading a little, writing in her journal, and going to sleep. The following morning she woke up and studied for her spelling test to finally master every word on the list.

Here’s how it works… Not much gets accomplished when you are miserable and feeling bad about yourself. But sometimes it happens, and we just feel lousy about ourselves and disappointed about our achievements, or lack thereof. The more we dwell on the goals we have not reached, the bigger the hole gets and the harder it is to fill.

4


So here’s the key… Use a little levity to lift yourself up. Change your focus. Do something else, and when you are feeling low, focus on feeling better. Get an ice cream. Go for a run. Listen to a great song. Call a friend. Reconfigure your mind to recall the last time you felt aligned and felt good. The moment that you are moving toward a better frame of mind, your likelihood of attaining your goals dramatically improves.Chapter Content

5


CHAPTER TITLE The Face of Determination

I have 2 kids - Ferne and Louis. Ferne is 7, she is in grade 2. Louis is 10, he is in grade 5. It was March break last week and I took them to a place north of Montreal, Quebec for a ski weekend. I took them downhill skiing, snow shoeing, and cross-country skiing. You would think that of all three activities, cross-country would be the easiest - but it wasn't. At least not for Ferne. We went on a 3 kilometer trail with mostly flat land. Ferne must have fallen at least 65 times in that 3 kilometer stretch. A trail that should have taken anywhere from 15 - 20 minutes, took us an hour and a half. She was miserable. Every time she fell, she whimpered and lay down on the snow for a good 2 minutes while she griped.

"I hate these stupid skis."

"This is getting boring."

"Why do we have to do this?"

"Why do I have to be last?"

"This hurts."

6


"Why do I have to be the worst at this?"

"Why don't they wait for me?"

"Why do I keep falling?"

"I want to go fast without falling."

But every time she fell, she got up again and kept going. She was faced with little hills that required side stepping or fishtailing. As hard as she tried to tackle them with cross-country ski technique, she kept falling. None the less, she refused to take off her skis and opted to climb up the hills on her knees instead, skis flailing behind her. With every passing minute, her fatigue increased and her fall rate increased too. By the end, she was exhausted and

7


spent more time on the ground than on her skis. With a few meters to go, I asked her if she wanted to remove her skis and walk the rest of the way. She refused, saying it would only make her feel worse.

Once we crossed the finish line she fell apart. She cried. She complained. She whined and she felt sorry for herself. I told her how proud of her I was for not giving up. I offered to buy her a chocolate bar to boost her energy and make her feel better.

Sometimes all it takes is chocolate. Once we were back in the car heading home she said, "When can we go cross country skiing again?" Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLEThe Baritone With my son Louis in grade six, and my daughter Ferne in grade three, the start of a new school year brings new school subjects our way, including those with cool new musical instruments. Louis was tasked with playing the baritone. I wasn’t even convinced that a baritone was an instrument until he proved it to me by Googling it online.

He spent two days spitting into his mouthpiece, in an attempt to “practice” playing Yankee Doodle (yes, even Canadians know that one), when he proclaimed that he needed a protective pouch for his mouthpiece and that we absolutely had to go to the dollar store to buy one. In the spirit of encouraging his enthusiasm for music, off we went to the dollar store, just the two of us. We headed straight for the protective mouth piece aisle and retrieved the pouch we came for when Louis said, “Mom, let’s go down the aisles one by one just for fun.” I knew it was his way of finagling the purchase of a few extra treats and gizmos, and in order to extend our cherished one-on-one time together. I willingly obliged. We picked out some stuff that we really didn’t need, like extra plastic

9


containers for leftovers, “AA” batteries for our milk frother, a picture frame that says “family” and some bobby socks for Ferne, his sister, with little cat pom-poms on the ankles.

As we were leaving the store, Louis said, “Shopping is good sometimes, it cleans you out.” Thinking of the $35 I just spent on one-dollar items, I had to agree, but knew he was referring to a different kind of cleaning.

“What do you mean, Louis?”

“It cleans you out. If you are angry or pissed off or frustrated and you go shopping, you leave just feeling better and it’s all “hakuna matata”. (A term he learned from the movie The Lion King meaning no worries.)

What amazed me was his insight. This was not a conversation about shopping, it was a conversation about Frame of Mind. It was about how when you change your focus away from the things that frustrate you to things that calm you or excite you, your entire mood can change. Therein lies a secret: what you focus on is what your life becomes. But the bigger secret is this – you can deliberately change your mind if you want to by continuously focusing on the

10


things that you want in your life. It’s called building the mind muscle and making it the single biggest priority in your life, as well as understanding how crucial your thinking is to the quality of your life and your overall success.

Of course shopping isn’t for everyone – although it certainly works for some as a short-term way to redirect one’s focus. Other things can work too… listening to music, exercising, watching a sitcom, talking with a friend, pretty much anything that makes you feel better. Here’s what I do… I write in a journal daily and focus my thoughts on the things I want to see, do, and experience throughout my life. The minute I write it down, it’s real and it’s permanent and I begin to create all the things I want. My Frame of Mind is the foundation of that creation and I work on it every day.

How about you? What do you do to focus your thoughts and shift your mind? Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLEThe Wrong Pizza

My kids are at their dad's tonight. I called them at around seven p.m. to check in and discovered that they were having a grand old time with their uncle Max, who was babysitting for a few hours. When I asked what they were doing, I was told that they ordered a pizza and were just sitting down for dinner. My son always orders the same pizza: Black olives and pineapple.

He told me that they made a mistake; instead of black olives, they put tomatoes.

I imagined a pizza with tomatoes and pineapple and thought it might not be the greatest combination. So I said, "Tomatoes and pineapple? What does that taste like?"

He said "They forgot the pineapple too, they put chicken instead."

"Did you call and tell them they made a mistake?"

"No, who cares, I can live with it. It's actually pretty good, Mom."

Funny how sometimes ten-year-olds have

12


the wisdom to just go with the flow and enjoy the surprises along the way. Perhaps we too, can curb the complaining and discover some of the surprises that are right in front of us to enjoy!Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLE Car Conversation

Ferne, my daughter, is seven and Louis, my son, will be eleven next week. As I drove them to school this morning, here was the conversation:

Ferne: Louis, don't play Gameboy in the car, it's going to make you sick.

Louis: Ferne, stop interfering!

Ferne: I am just being nice, you know; I don't want you to get sick.

Louis: What do you care?

Ferne: You're my brother.

Louis: Stop caring.

Ferne: I can't, you're my brother.

Louis: Is it in your job description?

Ferne: Yes, it is.

End of conversation.Chapter Content

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Busted

I was sitting at my computer the other day when my daughter, Ferne, snuck up on me.

"Aha! I caught you!" she said.

"You did? What did I do?"

"You know all those ideas you have about living a happy life?"

"Yeah?"

"You got them from a book! That's cheating!"

The truth is, I got those ideas from many books, and as the years pass, I continue to build my library of books that provide ideas

about how to live a happy life.

15


Unfortunately, living a happy life is not something that just happens naturally for

most people. With life's ups and downs, it is often a struggle to stay on the sunny side

of the street. Bad things happen in the world and it's a challenge not to pay attention to all the grey around us:

terrorism, abuse, rape, theft, divorce, illness. Life isn't always happy.

But some people do live a happy life, and the rest of us are left bewildered at how

they can always be so cheerful and optimistic. They walk around with a

consummate glow and a constant smile that makes us wonder if they simply live on a different planet. Are they not aware of all the tragedy around us? Do they not read

the news? It's just not realistic to be happy all the time!

For them, happiness is an action, not a passive occurrence. It's a deliberate decision that they have made and

implement daily. It's a choice and it's a life priority.

16


Ferne's accusation arose when she found a book I had been reading called "How We

Choose to be Happy", written by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. They describe

happy people:

"One of the things that makes them special is their unique answer to the classic question: Is the glass half full or half

empty? Their answers are what set them apart from the rest of us.

Happy people will say that the glass is both half empty and half full. Life is about

coming to terms with both perceptions of the glass. Happiness is the result of our

conscious responses to both the wonderful and the tragic components of life. They

would tell you that what creates a happy life cannot be reduced to a single cause -

happiness is multifaceted."

So, I got caught red-handed! Perhaps Ferne will find herself curious one day and pick up some of the books I have just lying around the house...maybe one day I will catch her too! How proud I would be to have played

any part in her decision to be happy!

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A Master Dethroned

I was the master. For the past two years I held the title for the best all-time April

Fool’s joke ever. It happened a couple of years back when I told my parents that I

was getting married to someone they didn't think was a particularly great match for me, one year after a fifteen-year marriage had ended in divorce. They went ballistic (as I

expected they would) and proceeded to tell me that this marriage was a huge mistake.

They said it was too soon and that my judgment was impaired. I kept the gag

going by increasing the drama. I responded by saying that after all I had been through, I couldn't believe that they weren't happy

for me and that their negative reaction was taking away all of my joy during this happy

occasion. My parents stopped short of booking their flight to Toronto to knock

some sense into me. And for that stroke of genius, I was crowned master.

Until April 1, 2007.

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We were in Montreal visiting family to celebrate Passover. My kids had stayed up relatively late the night before and woke up that day a little sluggish and cranky. After

breakfast, my son, Louis, went to the washroom to clean up and get ready for the day. I was in the kitchen helping my mother

clear the dishes from breakfast when I heard a familiar holler, "Mom, I'm not

feeling well."

My maternal instincts kicked in immediately as I rushed to the washroom

and opened the door. The smell was enough to knock me over. There he sat

wincing, his face vividly displaying severe pain. He said, "Mom, I don't feel well. My stomach is really hurting and I can't find any toilet paper. I need your help." As I approached, he pulled out his arm and

displayed his hand covered in disgusting orange-brown textured goo.

19


I was taken aback, grabbed his arm desperately searching for some kind of

tissue to begin cleaning the mess and said, "Oh my God! What happened?"

He said, "I'm so sorry Mom, I didn't know what to do. My stomach is really hurting. I need your help." My heart went out to him

in every way. I could

20


feel his pain and his embarrassment and felt pride that I was the one he could turn

to for help in this kind of crisis. After all...that's what mothers are for.

Just then, he reached down with his other hand, and brought out as evidence the

chocolate bar wrapper that he had used to play out his April Fools trick. I was blown

away by his ability to reel me in emotionally and by his crafty execution. They say the acorn does not fall far from

the tree. I guess I deserved it - the master had been dethroned!

21


23

Trading UpSECTION TITLE

25

“When we take a closer look at people who live stratospheric lives

we discover that the single greatest difference between them and everyone else is simply the

way they think. They are aware of the thoughts that limit their

possibilities and repeatedly trade them up for thoughts of higher

value.Subsection Title

”

Trading Up

27

SECTION TITLETrading Up

CHAPTER TITLEThe Red Paper Clip

The reality was, he owned nothing of substantial value. He owned one red paperclip but what he really wanted was to own a house. He had big dreams. How was he going to get from where he was to where he wanted to be?

On July 12, 2005, Kyle MacDonald initiated a trading game. He had a dream and he had bills to pay, he really needed a job, but instead ….

He placed an ad on Craigslist, hoping to trade in his paperclip for something better. He traded it for a ballpoint pen in the shape of a fish that initiated a chain of bartering that captured the imagination of thousands of people who followed his cross-continental trading trek.

He continued trading and went from the pen, to a camping stove, to a power generator, to a neon sign, to a snowmobile, to a trip, to a snow globe.

On July 7, 2006, he made his last trade for the house he always intended to have.

29


Then he threw a housewarming party, where he proposed to his girlfriend with a wedding ring made from the original red paperclip which was generously returned from his first trader.

Had I told you that you could buy a house with a single red paperclip, you would have thought I had lost my mind and come from another planet. You would have said that I was in “La La Land” and completely unrealistic. However, the reality is this… Those people who live with their eyes firmly focused on what is realistic keep themselves in a world of limited possibilities. Those people who keep their eyes firmly focused on the vision of their dreams create possibilities that are close to mystical in nature.

It seems a big leap, however, to go from paperclip to homeowner.

How do you bridge such a wide gap? By trading up. That is what MacDonald did.

What if we could trade up our thoughts in the very same way? What would happen? What if we could go from a sense of hopelessness to a world of abundance in a few simple trades?

30


If we take a closer look at people who live stratospheric lives, we would discover that the single greatest difference between them and everyone else is simply the way they think. They are aware of the thoughts that limit their possibilities and repeatedly trade them up for thoughts of slightly higher value.

Our thoughts are the single most significant factor in achieving our dreams. Our thoughts become our beliefs, our beliefs lead to the expectations we have, and our expectations drive the results we get.

Just as MacDonald started with a simple paperclip and kept trading up, we too can trade up our thoughts until we reach our ultimate dreams.

Here are three key ideas to trade up to success:

[1.] Dream and Vision. MacDonald knew exactly what he wanted at the end of the trade and he contemplated, maneuvered, and orchestrated each trade to achieve maximum benefit. His trades sparked his interest in some way; they were instinctual and he could see a bigger picture within them. They made sense to him. You

31


can’t know how to go about achieving your dreams until you have defined your dream. When you see your dream clearly, your thoughts and actions are aligned, working in harmony to achieve your vision.

[2.] Unique Experience. We are bestowed with a unique set of gifts and abilities that are available only to us, to help us navigate through journeys with our own brand of ingenuity. In MacDonald’s case, he was a jack-of-all-trades with a restless nature. He really didn’t want a conventional job. He’s a geography buff; a writer who drew upon circumstance, chance meetings, and the quirky irrelevant stuff of life as fuel for the stories on his blog; and has wanderlust with a keen savvy for celebrity. He compiled each one of his gifts in his quest to trade up to a house, using the red paperclip that held together his resume. The red paperclip symbolically and factually saved him from conventional wisdom. Hmmmm. Follow your heart. Do what you’re good at.

[3.] Passion. What did he really trade? From door knob to cube van, these items really had very little value. They

32


had sentiment perhaps, or the cute factor, or made a glowing comment on society, or were kitschy so they were cool, arbitrary and unusual, fun and spontaneous, but mostly monetarily mediocre. (Except of course the house...and the snow globe which Corbin Benson desperately wanted to add to his collection.)

But they have something very specific and altruistic about them.

They are more than objects. They are stories. They have a culture. They represent the journey and the dream; they inspire, set fire to the imagination, and generate excitement. The paperclip started a vibe. It was contagious, it became an obsession and a passion, and it became the stuff films are made of – actually. One Paperclip is a book and a film produced by DreamWorks. Seems only fitting.Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLEOn a Scale of 1 to- 10

Okay, I admit it. I was eavesdropping. But that’s what mothers do when they overhear an interesting conversation between their eleven-year-old son (Louis) and his friends.

In my world, kid birthdays are a big deal – we go all out in every way – great food, great theme, great entertainment, and ultra-great loot bags. We have a reputation for great parties and every year we try to outdo the previous year.

This year Louis went out on a huge limb for his birthday – he decided to have a disco party and most of his guests were boys from his class with a few scattered girls enforced because of family ties. He had a DJ, who orchestrated party games and doled out prizes. There were disco lights and a fog machine. Louis gave loot bags to die for – each filled with a variety of cool toys, goodies, and an animal designed CD case holding a CD titled “Louis’ Picks 2007”. There was popcorn, s’mores, cake, pizza and even falafel for the adults. As cool as it was supposed to be, it was still a risky choice – after all, how many eleven-year-old boys like to dance?

34


At the end of the party, as the parents began arriving to pick up their children, Louis took two of his closest friends aside and asked them the following question:

“On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate my party?”

I was horrified! How could he ask such a question? How could he put his friends in such an uncomfortable position? What if the answer was negative? How did he have the nerve?

Before I had a chance to jump in and rescue the situation, the answer came…

“We rate it a 10!”

I was totally relieved! Of course it was a 10 – what else did I expect? Why was I so worried???

Replaying the conversation in my mind, I reflected on the question he asked his friends and wondered what would happen if we asked our clients to rate us on a scale of one to ten? Would we be afraid to hear the answer? Why are we so terrified to ask? Wouldn’t it benefit us to know and make

35


adjustments if the response was below a nine?

It truly takes courage to ask for truth and feedback from others where performance is concerned. We tend to shy away from seeking feedback because our mindset tricks us into thinking that any criticism means we are not so great after all. Or perhaps we are not such brilliant business owners or our product is not as wonderful as we espouse it to be.

Negative feedback is perceived as deflating and sends us into a spiral of self-doubt and debilitation.

I suppose that’s one way to look at it. Another is to view negative feedback as a gift that only the courageous obtain and do something with. Often it’s the negative feedback that gives birth to new ideas or creates an even stronger will to succeed. Sometimes there is a gem of information in the feedback that provides you with just the right ingredient that makes all the difference in the world, spawning tremendous success. Asking for and receiving feedback is really just a matter of choice and courage.Chapter Content

36


CHAPTER TITLEInverse Paranoia

I tried to dissuade her, but she insisted. Ferne wanted her eighth birthday party in a forest.

She wanted to go on a hike and explore. She wanted to catch frogs and find new trails.

“But what if it rains?” I said. “There are no washrooms in the forest,” I said. “What are we going to do with twenty kids in a forest for two hours?” I thought to myself. I tried to lure her into another option – I took her to the Klim Art School and the cooking facility above our local grocery store, both of which host very cool birthday parties. She was unyielding. She wanted it in a forest. So we went to check out Mill Pond, where we found the neighborhood “forest”. We discovered that there was a playground in the area and a small gazebo that would be a perfect location for her birthday party. She was doing a great job of convincing me, and the washroom in the vicinity clinched the deal.

37


So we made plans. We called all her friends and invited them. “You’re having the party where?” was the typical reaction. We ordered the Messy Hands Bus to come do arts and crafts on the bus (it was my “what if it rains?” contingency plan). We called Pizza Pizza and ordered six extra large pizzas to be delivered to Mill Pond. We baked a fancy cake, got loot bags, and enough junk food to feed an army. We were ready.

Except for one minor thing… What if the gazebo was being used by other people? It was a public park after all, reserving the space was not a possibility, and the likelihood that another family would be using it on a beautiful summer day on a Sunday afternoon was pretty high. I chose to ignore that possibility and decided that we would arrive and the gazebo would be waiting for us without a fuss. I imagined the party in the gazebo and that was that. I could literally visualize the event in the gazebo. (Admittedly, I brought a table cloth to put on the ground just in case my plan didn’t work and we needed to find a location on the forest ground nearby.)

So here’s what happened: We arrived at Mill Pond and the gazebo was waiting for us. No fuss. We set up a couple of picnic tables, and had the party in the gazebo.

38


The guests were amazed. “How did you think of this place?” they asked. “Did you have to reserve the gazebo?” “Weren’t you afraid that someone else might be here when you arrived?”

“No,” I said. “I have inverse paranoia.”

“What’s that?”

“I believe the universe works in my favor.”

They looked at me with a blend of marvel and incredulousness. But indeed the universe worked in my favor that day!

By the way, when I checked the weather that Sunday morning, it was forecasted to rain in the afternoon, but even the rain cooperated and waited until the party was over before it decided to come by for a visit.Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLE The Road TripMy mother used to say, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going….”

While I wouldn’t say it quite that way, there is traditional wisdom in that old adage. The theory has been put to the test in a number of ways over the past couple of weeks. Last week, I embarked upon a road trip with my kids, Ferne and Louis, for March break. I started out with a tremendous adventuresome spirit; nothing was going to stop us, the three musketeers on our way to Washington.

We had car games, books on tape, snacks, and music. We were good to go and on our way. First stop across the border, Buffalo, and a trip to the mall to do some shopping and, of course, have lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. Full of vim and vigor we continued our journey, stopping at a roadside hotel for the night, waking with anticipation the next morning to arrive in the Capitol. As the miles rolled by, so did my thoughts…

I willed my mind to focus on the excursion, the joy of being with my kids, the scenery, all the fun we would have on arrival, but

40


“stuff” kept infiltrating my head like unwelcomed tele-marketing calls at dinner time. The people in my life, like the cast of characters in a sitcom, kept popping into my thoughts, each asking questions or posing scenarios that played out in high-definition in my imagination. I kept shaking myself out of the inner dialogue that was demanding my attention. I was feeling guilty that I wasn’t giving my full attention to the kids, and angry that I was allowing all the details, issues, and circumstances of life as a single, dating, entrepreneurial mom to penetrate my mindset. Why now? And to top it all off, I could feel myself getting sick.

The truth is, I had just ended a long term relationship and although I was moving forward with my life, focusing on my family and my work, the past year just kept replaying in my conscience like a DVD player stuck on re-wind as the countryside rolled by. I just kept opening the window and letting the cold air slap against my face. “Mommmm, it’s too cold!”

Enough! I had a serious talk with myself. I played both of the roles: Kim, the pulled-together, in-control-of-her-life, evolved, persistent, and insistent coach, and the Kim who in that moment really, really just

41


wanted her bed and pillow. Coach Kim told me that this man came into my life for a reason. He was there to help me heal from the stinging wounds of an unsuccessful marriage and allow me to enjoy and indulge in a good relationship. For this I will always be grateful. Coach Kim helped me realize the gifts that I will keep from the relationship, and the gifts that will allow me to move forward with a greater confidence, a subtle smile and a glowing self-worth. She also reminded me how engaged I had been since the break-up and all the incredible, amazing things that have been happening at work: a book publishing opportunity, new clients, building phenomenal relationships with other companies, and embarking on joint ventures. Life truly is miraculous. At that moment, I plucked the characters, like little plastic toys, one by one out of my head and tossed them out the window. “I’m done with that!”

The three musketeers did arrive in Washington. Mother musketeer spent the holiday in bed with a wicked cough and cold, while the twosome hung out with a good friend. Thankfully we stayed in a very trendy, well located boutique hotel with sumptuous beds and linens and a Zen-like healing vibe. We did go once around DuPont Circle. It wasn’t the trip we had

42


envisioned, but at least I got the visions out of my head! And, truthfully, I was so happy to be home and have my own bed and my own pillow.

While I wouldn’t use the expression “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”, I would say, instead, that obstacles will come our way, and we must find ways within ourselves to get through them and reach the gift that lies on the other side. There are no accidents in life. Everything happens for a reason, and it is up to each of us to discover the gift that lies at the heart of all the occurrences in our lives.Chapter Content

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CHAPTER TITLEThis Iis Iit….It’s a mother’s worst nightmare. What is it that you don’t want to do, EVER, when you are responsible for someone else’s child?

On Saturday night I had a birthday party for my son, Louis, who turned twelve.

Birthdays are a big deal in our family. We go all out. And this night was to be no exception. Louis and I plotted, planned, and schemed, coming up with the piece de resistance. A dinner at a restaurant followed by a Second City-like improvisational, interactive stage production at the Bad Dog Theatre, after which the children would be driven home with an amazing loot bag consisting of, amongst other things, a coveted large box of Fruit Loops and a CD of Louis’ top song picks for 2008. Over compensation? Perhaps. Admittedly, my generation has certainly taken birthday parties to a whole new level.

All week we were rolling with the ups and downs of party planning: getting the guest list confirmed, choosing the menu, arranging transportation, figuring out who would be going in which car… The night of

44


the party arrived and we piled all the kids into the assigned vehicles and headed downtown.

The kids all enjoyed their dinner. The show was fabulous. My son was on top of the world, especially when he was called up on stage for a little performing of his own. There was laughter, excitement, lots of conversation. Even the parents who joined us were smiling; it was one of those fabulous nights. I allowed myself to feel a moment of success as I rounded up the kids who were coming home in my car.

As I was driving home in the car packed with happy, noisy kids, my cell phone rang. I picked it up and my heart sank. I had left a child behind, standing on the street in downtown Toronto, outside the theatre alone. Another parent who was leaving the theatre noticed him waiting outside for his mother to pick him up. She waited with him until his Mom arrived. I felt awful. Actually, beyond awful… Guilty, ashamed, sick, outraged that I could have done this, and thanking G-d that he was okay.

45


My euphoria of success deflated faster than a popped balloon. My heart was in my throat. This was my worst nightmare. This was a punishable crime. What kind of a mother does this? Silently I drove home. It seemed as if it took ten times as long as the journey there. I arrived home and called the mother of the child I had left behind. I apologized, took full responsibility for the mishap, and expressed my sizeable remorse, and basically begged her forgiveness. She was gracious. I had a hard time letting it go. She thanked me for my call and told me how much it meant to her that I had made the call.

How we recover from a mistake is just as important as how we receive and act upon our success. It’s when we fail that we have to dig the deepest and make decisions about who we really are in those circumstances. Do we back-pedal, assign blame, sweep under the rug and brush our errors aside, or do we take full responsibility for our actions, tend to the matters at hand effectively and efficiently, and do back flips to rectify a situation?

At the end of the day, it was not a call I wanted to make.

What do we do when we stare right into the face of our worst nightmare? We stand up

46


to and beside our actions, accepting them as ours to uphold.

Wake up to your energy, talent, and passion. Take it with you.Chapter Content

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RESOURCES

SECTION TITLE

THE MAKING OF BOOK TITLEHow did this book happen? How does anything happen? W ell, someone has an idea and things start to happen, often in unpredictable ways.

I was exploring Amazon's Mechanical Turk service, www.mturk.com, because I'm a huge believer in unique talents and the wisdom of crowds. For my business, I explore a variety of new web services. Rather than have me describe Mturk, you can visit the website and re ad an overview. I did some HITs myself and then went over to create some HITs, because I like to create. I clicked on "Create H IT" and sat there staring at the screen, trying to think of something. Maybe I w as wondering to myself, "why am I here", and then I realized that there were probably hundreds or thousands of people each day staring at Mturk. It w as clearly not solely to make significant money - they were probably there for a variety of reasons, just like me. So, I guess I posed the question "Why Are You Here - Right Now?" I decided to hire a few hundred people and pay them $.01 each to answer. I checked back a few hours later and was amazed to find many answers of creative diversity. After taking a bike ride down to the Potomac River and reading about ten pages, I realized this was good stuff and perhaps could become a

51

BOOK TITLE

book. I emailed a few hundred recent job applicants to my company, Lifebushido, and over 40 responded with positive comments and a desire to help turn these answers into a book. Over the next 30 days, about 20 people came together in an entrepreneurial venture to create this book.

I started my new company, Lifebushido, in January 2006. Lifebushido is building a global network of people working part-time from home with flexible hours, using their unique talents. Although YRUHRN was not part of any big business plan, I believe it strongly shows the power of a global network of people using their unique talents.

If our efforts and this book lead just one person to read this book and be moved to think deeply about the question and their own unique talents, this project will be a success. If that person is you, we would love to hear from you - email us at [email protected].

Steve KantorPresidentLifebushido - www.lifebushido.comBethesda, MDSeptember 2006

52

mailto:[email protected]

SECTION TITLE

STEVE KANTOR BIOGRAPHYSteve Kantor is an entrepreneur involved with multiple ventures to help people focus on their unique talents. Steve founded, grew, and sold Gnossos Software from 1986-2004, took a sabbatical year to recharge in 2005, and started new ventures in 2006.

Born in San Diego, California, Steve graduated from Harvard University and then from John Hopkins SAIS with MA in International Relations and Global Theory. Steve is a world traveler and spent 1985-1986 Backpacking around the world. He has been to over 75 countries and is a strong believer in the value of diversity of backgrounds.

Steve is married to Aileen Kantor and is the father of three daughters and lives in Bethesda, MD. Based on their daughters starting the charitable effort of Project Backpack in September 2005 for the kids of Katrina, the family effort led to over 100 cities collecting and delivering over 50,000 backpacks to kids of Katrina in less than 100 days.

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In 2006, Steve started Lifebushido LLC which is a number of ventures. These include the following:

1. The Lessons Learned book series at www.lessonsbushido.com. This includes Lessons Learned by a Young Entrepreneur and Billion Dollar Agent – Lessons Learned.

2. A resource of over one hundred compiled book notes on business, psychology, and science at www.bookbushido.com.

3. A synthesis of various goal-setting and personal growth pursuits at www.goalbushido.com and www.topagentgoals.com.

4. Orange Passion, a consulting firm helping companies to find their passionate customers and get innovative ideas from those customers. See www.orangepassion.com.

5. Best Agent Business, a real estate outsourcing business providing part-time assistants to top real estate agents nationwide. See www.bestagentbusiness.com.

6. Why Are You Here – Right Now? This book, www.yruhrn.com, is the world’s first crowd sourced book written by over one thousand people.

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http://www.yruhrn.com/

http://www.bestagentbusiness.com/

http://www.orangepassion.com/

http://www.topagentgoals.com/

http://www.goalbushido.com/

http://www.bookbushido.com/

http://www.lessonsbushido.com/

SECTION TITLE

7. Lifebushido, a company building a global network of people working part-time from home with flexible hours using their unique talents, with special focus on stay-at-home moms. See www.lifebushido.com.

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CREDITS“Dedication Thoughts.”

First and Last Name – City, State

“Dedication Thoughts.”












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Manifesting Your Man

I couldn’t shake it. I was churning and burning, playing and replaying, and beating myself up. I couldn’t get over the fact that

I had left one of the kids behind on the streets of downtown Toronto the night of

my son’s 12th birthday party. The conversation repeated itself over and over

in my mind, “How could I be so irresponsible?” I kept asking myself. “What

kind of mother am I? What I did is unforgivable. His mother will never trust

me with her son again.”

Even though I spoke to the mother and made sure that her son was safe and

pleaded for forgiveness, the nightmare just wouldn’t leave me and I couldn’t sleep.

The vision of this poor boy standing in the streets, alone and terrified, haunted me. I

felt awful and I knew that if I didn’t do something, I would have a sleepless night

and perhaps many more.

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I decided to try a little self-coaching. What would I tell my clients to do in the same situation? Trade up. Think of a slightly

better thought and then think of one that’s better than that. Think about something

that makes you feel good…

I embarked upon my mission of walking my walk. I began with a conversation with

God.

“Ok God. I am ready for you to bring me the man of my dreams. I am here waiting. Tell him to just come and get me because I’m ready. Make him warm, and kind, and loving, and make him great with kids. Also God, make sure that we have similar values and that my family likes him. Please make him the kind of guy who knows, without a

shadow of a doubt, that I am what he wants and make him very comfortable expressing

that regularly. I hope I am not being too demanding God, but please make sure he

is attractive and not too short.”

Then I launched into a full blown fantasy. It was brief, but intense and felt incredibly

real:

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The phone rang. I answered, “Hello?”

“Hi Kim? My name is Jake (I pulled a name out of thin air). I got your number from

such and such and they said that I had to call you because they said that you were

my perfect match. They said that if I didn’t call you that I would be missing an

opportunity of a life time to meet my soul mate.

That exchange left such an impact on me that a few days later I shared it with a

friend.

That very same evening I received a message on my voice mail:

“Hi Kim, my name is Allan Friedman. I got your name from a couple of teachers at the

school where I teach and they are under the impression that we should meet.”

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Holy smokes! My fantasy had come to life! My heart was doing triple somersaults! I

called him right back and without any censoring I told him the story of my

fantasy. “I must have lost my mind – the guy will think I am crazy.” But I couldn’t

stop myself.

He asked me to join him for dinner on Saturday night. Unfortunately, I would be

in Ohio on Saturday returning from a presentation and not landing until 5:30

p.m. Calculating the time it would take to arrive, cross customs, pick up my luggage,

get home and freshen up, I suggested a later dinner at 8 p.m. He asked me how I

was planning on getting home. I said that I would grab a cab. He said, “How about if I pick you up?” An airport pickup on the first date!?!?!? This was getting better by the

minute!

“Sure” I said, “I would love that. How will I know it’s you?”

“I have some pictures on Facebook that you can take a look at.”

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On the flight home, I wrote in my journal:

“I am meeting Allan Friedman today and for some reason I am not nervous. It feels

normal. After seeing his pictures, I feel like I have met him before, I am not sure where,

maybe in another life.”

Oddly enough, because I travel so much and fly a lot, I have also had a recurring fantasy about landing at the airport and

having someone waiting for me with a sign.

I landed. I took a deep breath. As I walked through the solid glass doors to the arrival area, there he was waiting for me with a

handmade sign that said “KIM”.

He did feel familiar, as though I had known him forever. He was definitely attractive and short (you always get what you focus

on).

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BOOK TITLE

Within a week, he told me he loved me and started dropping hints about marriage. He had to be nuts. But now after six months, I

am engaged and planning a wedding.

Funny things happen when you trade up your thoughts.

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Your Time Is Now

“The minutes of your day compose the momentsof your life. What you choose to do with

them determines your life’s meaning.”

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Your Time Is Now

The Embrace

I arrived at the train station in Philadelphia both excited and a little bit tired after two

presentations for Land America, the title company. I was headed to New York for the RISMedia conference. I had several pieces of

luggage and required assistance onto the train from a porter. I sat on a nearby bench as I waited for his signal to walk toward the train. I looked around and took a quick scan around the large hall. It was all but impossible not to notice a

middle-aged couple not too far away engaged in a long, passionate embrace. They caught my eye and

held my attention, a little bit longer than appropriate. To my embarrassment, the porter observed me fixed for so long on the scene and said “Stop looking, they should really just get a

room.” But I could not stop looking. It was something about their embrace. It was something about their attire that made me imagine them as a

couple from one of those movies with Mickey Rooney made years ago in black and white, like

they were captured in time. Perhaps it was something about their age, their stance, and his

disheveled hair. I was entranced.

The porter let me know that it was time to go. He took my luggage onto a cart and said, “Follow

me”. I did. He proceeded to walk toward the couple and made a stop to help the man. I noticed he was holding a stick. He was blind. The porter

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WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWShat You Focus On Grows

took the man’s hand and fixed it firmly to his arm leading the way.

As we stepped into an elevator, the porter informed me that the man had just gotten engaged that day. The gentleman spoke up and said “That

explains all the kissing.” I broke into a smile.

I said, “Congratulations! When’s the wedding?”

“January 19th,” he replied.

Calculating a quick 4 ½ month engagement period, I said “Boy, you don’t waste any time.”

He said “Well, we’re both widows, we really don’t have any reason to wait.”

And in that moment I realized that there is almost never a reason to wait. It’s just something that we are used to doing. We are practiced at waiting for something to happen, for the time to be perfect,

or the tide to swing our way. We just sit and wait and keep living our lives the same way as always, hoping that someday something wonderful will

happen.

Waiting. Waiting.

What a costly use of time. Are you still waiting? What are you waiting for?

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Your Time Is Now

Take Your Turn

Do you ever take your turn?

I don’t mean “wait for your turn” or “have your turn” or “stand in line for your turn…” I mean

“Take your turn”. I am talking about grabbing the bull by the horns, even when no one is offering and no one is making space for you to do so.

Taking your turn is one of the most powerful practices in life. What it means is seeing an

opportunity and going for it, even when it may be uncomfortable, embarrassing, or lead to terrible

failure.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a book marketing conference and heard a story of just

such an experience:

The man’s name was Richard Paul Evans, and one day he decided to write a story for his two

daughters – it was called “The Christmas Box”. His wife loved the story so much that he had 20 copies printed to distribute to his brothers and sisters and other family members as gifts for the

holiday season. A few weeks later, he started receiving phone calls from strangers telling him

how much the book had touched them. He began to track how many people had read his original 20 copies – he counted 160, after which he stopped

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counting. The feedback was so overwhelmingly positive that he tried to get the book published – but no publisher was in the market for another

Christmas book and they all passed on the opportunity. So he decided to publish the book himself. He loaded his station wagon with books and went across the country from bookstore to

bookstore peddling his little five dollar book. Many times, he sat for hours at book signing events without even signing a single book. He

slept in his car day after day, just plugging away to sell a few more books.

One day, he decided to take a leap and buy a booth at a tradeshow held by the American Book

Sellers Association. The cost of the booth was $400 – he needed to sell 80 books just to break even. He was promised thousands of visitors, but

he sat at his booth and nobody came – it was dead. His frustration mounted until finally he stood up and went to find out where all the

people were hiding. Much to his disappointment, he discovered that they were all in the main hall, getting their books signed by “famous authors”. He was fuming. There he observed an enormous table with authors assembled side by side greeting lines of hungry fans waiting for a signature on their

book. He was a nobody and they were somebodies getting the recognition that he so much desired. And then he noticed something that would forever change the direction of his

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Your Time Is Now

life… He noticed an empty seat at the table. And it was in that moment that Richard Paul Evans

took his turn.

He returned to his booth, grabbed several boxes of his books, went back to the main hall and took

the empty seat at the table. A security guard approached him. He looked up and said, “Sorry I’m late …” and she replied, “Would you like a

glass of water?” That event changed his life forever – he is now a bestselling author with

more than 8 million books sold in both hard and soft copy worldwide.

Think about how many times you have shied away from taking your turn and ask yourself what you’ve gained as a result. I bet the answer is

nothing. Taking your turn requires blind faith; entering into the unknown with nervous

excitement and all that can come from a single decision, the decision of the right turn...taking

your turn.

Taking your turn means coming to the table with chutzpah, gumption, an unwavering belief in your goals. If you are serious about getting to where you want to be – then never think twice about taking your turn. Just grab it and run – and for

goodness sakes… Never look back!

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The Moment

Every once in a while, you connect with someone at a deeper level because you can relate to each other on a topic that is near and dear to both of

your hearts.

With my friend Dan, our topic is parenting. Without fail, each time I talk to him, our

conversation triggers thought, a topic for an article, and often goose bumps in response to the

emotion it elicits. Dan recently shared a story with me that gave me reason to pause and take

stock of the moments in my life.

Dan’s father died a couple of weeks ago. While attending his grandfather’s wake, Dan’s son stood up and left the hall. Dan took notice of the fact that his son had left the room and made nothing

of it, but after five, ten, then fifteen minutes passed, wondering where he could be, Dan

decided to go and look for his son.

He found him, alone, crying.

Dan searched in his Hallmark database for words that would comfort his son but was unable to

soothe his pain. After patiently probing his son for clues about how to assuage his distress his son

finally said, “I’m sad because I didn’t have a moment with him alone that I can still remember

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Your Time Is Now

– we were always surrounded by family and it was never just us.”

This really hit home for me as I have a son and an aging father, and I wondered if my son could

capture a moment with my father that he could carry with him always. I wondered if I had given him enough opportunities to relate and spend

time with his grandparents and connect with them in a way that would store moments in his

imagination. I wondered what my moment would be with my mother and my father. What is the

moment I can capture with my children, and what moment will they have of me?

I have a snapshot, a moment that I can conjure instantly for each of my children.

My son, Louis, has a quick wit, an inner wisdom, and can make me laugh like no one else can. He often has me doubled over laughing so hard that there is no sound coming out of my body. My

daughter, Ferne, inspires me daily with her passion for everything she does – from her school work to her soccer, to the surprises she leaves for the people in her life, and the way she embraces her

life.

In fact, she was just honored with an award for optimism in front of all the kids in grade three! I

can visualize the moments we share together, the

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way we relate to one another, and the adventures we take. How do I want them to think of me? I

want them to see me laughing with them; to capture the feeling of me smothering them with

kisses and warm, snugly hugs, feeling one-hundred percent loved. I want this image, this feeling, to replicate and celebrate every stage of their lives.

How would our lives be different if we were conscious of the moments of our lives, if we lived with intent and with the purpose of propagating

moments?

I’m certainly not suggesting that we make everything we do into a moment. That would be

exhausting and overly dramatic, but I am suggesting that we take the time to allow those

moments to exist and invite them to play a magical part of our lives and relationships. These moments, as they live in our memory, are as vital to our make up as the actions that we take each day. These moments not only contribute to our character, but serve as a harbor for those who are distant or have passed to share in our lives.

Don’t wait until it is too late to have a moment.

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Your Time Is Now

The Whiz

Some days as I search for life lessons, they are hard to find. I know they are just at my fingertips, but today it seems too difficult to derive a broad generalization out of any one single event. There are many events that have taken place in my life

recently; a new relationship, his kids, my kids, our kids acclimating to each other, the parental

screen, and the work/book writing/family/one-on-one time scheduling, and just trying to find a way

to squeeze in a few hours of sleep.

Perhaps it’s the frequency, or the intensity, or maybe even the speed of events that is making it challenging to sift through and find just one life

lesson to focus on.

I think that is the lesson. It’s called The Whiz.

The Whiz of Life. Sometimes things happen so quickly that we barely even notice. We can’t keep

up with all of the changes and events that are “happening to us’. We watch them zoom by and

hardly even know what hit us. It’s like light.

It travels fast and constantly; so much so that we begin to stop noticing the magic of it. The pace

becomes a given, and rather than prioritize what’s important to us and eliminate what’s not, we just speed up and attempt to do it all. Often, we are

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unable to keep up, and then significant priorities begin to fall by the wayside. Things like exercising regularly, eating healthy foods, keeping in touch with dear friends, or taking time to just relax.

Everything else comes first, everyone else is more important, and life just whizzes by and suddenly you wonder where all the time went. There was

so much more you were supposed to do, see, try, accomplish, and you’ve spent so many of your moments focused on the minutiae that you’ve

missed the life lessons.

Do you ever stop and feel dizzy and wonder what happened? Do you ever wish you could press the rewind button? I have no regrets. I believe in living

life to the fullest, dreaming big and living large, embracing all that life holds for me, and exploring all its nooks and crannies. BUT, I do live in fear

that it will all pass me by. Sometimes I just want it all to slow down just a bit. I remind myself that I am blessed; that the things that are whizzing by are all really good things, even those that don’t

initially feel so wonderful. There are times, though, that I do feel angst that I am missing the

magic in some of the events, just by virtue of their speed. I am present, but perhaps not experiencing

them in the way I would like to.

And this is where I need to stop, prioritize, and squeeze in that extra bit of time to enjoy and

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Your Time Is Now

relish in the experiences of my life. Life, as they say, is a journey.

There’s an image I remember seeing of a person hanging on to the big hand of the clock trying to

slow it down, wondering where all the time went, wondering how life passed them by. I do not want to be that person. I want to be the person who has lived each moment to the fullest, with no

regrets and beautiful memories.

So here is a life lesson… While you are in the throes of your Whiz of Life, just stop for a minute

and enjoy the breeze. Skip along with the tune, and take that brief pause to redirect your focus

and enjoy just living in that moment.

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Computer Lessons

She called me on my cell phone and waited as I adjusted my ear piece. She needed help retrieving her word file. It was a letter to my sister and she

used it as a template to practice “bold”, “underline”, and “italics”. I didn't even know she knew the word “italics”. She was born in Egypt,

and English was not her first language, or even her second for that matter. She talked to me about solitaire and her frustration with moving a set of cards from one column to another when the drag

and drop function was defective. It was like listening to a new born baby speaking with a full vocabulary. It was disorienting and delightfully

entertaining at the same time.

She then decided that it was time to learn how to use a computer, and started taking computer

classes twice a week. She wanted to know what it was that created such an addiction for her 18 year

old granddaughter. She wanted to understand what kept her up so late, and who was she talking to anyways? It agitated her that even her youngest

grandchildren who were 7 and 10 years of age knew how to use the computer and she didn't.

She thought that if they could do it then so could she.

She is in a class with 11 other people she calls “senior citizens”. The teacher gives her

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Your Time Is Now

homework - and remarkably she does it with rigor! She has an email address and has learned

how to send and receive messages. Now she even sends us her recipes!

My mother. Married to my dad for 54 years. The designated driver for all her friends, the master

chef, the queen hostess, the power shopper, and the ultimate social activity coordinator. She takes

care of the universe and expresses her love through her food, and now through her computer

too!

My mother. 74 years old. A prime example that it's never too late to learn. Proof that action gets

noticed. And evidence of the never ending inspiration that parents can deliver to their kids.

Way to go, Ma!

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The Relief of Giving

Okay, I'll admit it - I have 2 digital cameras but I still use my old fashioned, film-based camera. And

sometimes it takes me a while to get my film developed. The other day I had 3 rolls of film developed - one of them was a series of shots

taken in November, 2006 at a conference on the creation of wealth that I attended in Florida. It was at this conference I met this woman who completely changed my perspective on giving.

This is what happened…

There were 1200 people at the conference. It was intense, tiring, exciting, and invigorating all at the same time. They asked us to share our deepest, darkest fears about money. They kept the room cool so that participants would stay alert. Every few hours they gave us a break to grab food and

coffee. On one such break I walked past this woman named Chantaye and she stopped me in my tracks to compliment me on the jacket I was wearing. It was long, it was black and white, with zigzag designs, and had a funky look and feel to it. It was one of my favorites and gave me a hip style. I received compliments every time I wore it - but

this time was different.

"I love your jacket,” she said.

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Your Time Is Now

"Thank you," I replied.

"You know, in the spirit of giving, it would be great if you gave me your jacket, that's a jacket I

would love to have."

I think she meant it as a joke but without batting an eyelash, I began to take it off so that she could

have it. As I did so, the cold breeze of the air conditioning hit me and I thought about how

miserable I would feel without a jacket. Here's what I said:

"I would love to give you my jacket and I will. But it's a little bit cold in here with the air conditioning

on. How about if I keep it on for the rest of the day and I bring it with me tomorrow for you to

have?"

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At this point she thought that I was joking but that evening when I went back to my hotel room, I

promptly took the jacket off and put it in a bag so that I would not forget to bring it to her the next

day.

I spent all of the following day carrying a plastic bag looking for this woman that I had only seen once before in my life. I looked everywhere. I

walked up and down the aisles scanning all 1200 faces. I went to the washrooms - all of them -

during the break - I couldn't find her. As the day passed, I grew more and more anxious about not being able to find her. It was the last day of the conference and it would be my only chance to

give it to her. The conference was scheduled to end at 5 p.m. and the time was quickly slipping

away.

At 4 p.m. I spotted her - I ran across the massive hall to catch up to her. I said, "There you are, I've been looking for you all day!" I was mistaken and

embarrassed. It wasn't her.

Finally at around 4:30 p.m. she walked by. With tremendous relief I caught up with her and handed her the bag. She was flabbergasted! She couldn't believe that I had brought it to her and kept my

promise. For me, there was no question; I had to give it to her. I asked her to try it on and take a

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picture with me - so that I could remember the incident...and the jacket!

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YOUR TIME IS NOWYour Time Is Now

Do What You Love

“When you make a commitment to doing whatyou love, great results are inevitable.”

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DO WHAT YOU LOVEDo What You Love

A Good Swing

I wonder if Tiger Woods has bad days. Do you think he ever wanted to pack it in, not play golf anymore, figured he was not good enough? Did

he think about changing careers?

This amazing athlete was swinging a golf club in his crib, and by age five he was featured in Golf Digest. Yes, he has a gift, but he practices.

Consistent practice allows him to continually fulfill the potential of his gift. He makes it look

effortless, but as we all know golf is not easy, and it is not easy to be good at it, unless you practice,

all the time.

Practice is what differentiates a top performer from all the others. What do top performers

practice? In the case of golf, it’s their swing. But there is something else. Have you ever watched

Tiger on television during one of the big tournaments? Right before he swings, he closes his

eyes for a brief moment in deep concentration; you can almost see him talking to himself before he takes his swing. Tiger’s mind is so in tune with what he’s doing that it allows him to accomplish

greatness.

How do we as real estate agents and brokers achieve this mind set, the kind of “mental muscle”

that allows us to be top performers, and accomplish great things in our real estate careers?

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WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWSWhat You Focus On Grows

Practice. Practice what? Consistently practice thinking in a way that helps us to achieve our

goals.

Here are five steps to help you practice the kind of thinking that it takes to become a top

performer in your real estate career.

Daily Journaling. Write it down. You need to define your goals and dreams and keep intensely focused on those aspirations. Write out who you want to be in your ideal life, and what you want

your life to look like.

Create Lists. We love to make “to do” lists and we get great pleasure checking off what we have achieved. Good idea. Add a wish list of the things you want to do, the kind of a person you want to

be, what you would like to achieve, and the experiences you would like to have in your life.

Check off each wish as you achieve it.

Gratitude. Live each day with gratitude. Think about what a difference it would make each

morning if you began your day with thanks for all the wonderful and amazing things that are already

in your life. Family, friends, your home, your health, and your spirit. Think of all the

opportunities that also are available to you this day. What would change about your day if it

began in gratitude?

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Surround yourself with people who are happy, who live with passion and have the desire to

succeed. There is energy about people who have decided to succeed in their careers and in their lives. Misery does not really love company, but

happiness is certainly to be celebrated and shared.

Accountability. Ask yourself what is the one thing that you can do to make your day spectacular, and

do it.

Tiger has a tremendous gift of ability; but we all know people who are unbelievably gifted and do nothing with it. Tiger puts power to his career

through his unrelenting commitment to excellence. Tiger Woods says, “Commit to every swing, rehearse the shot with purpose, and then execute it.” Put power to your real estate career

through the daily practice of your aspirations. Define your goals and proceed with purpose to

achieve each and every one.

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Three Strings Attached

Itzhak Perlman - an extraordinary violinist, an amazing virtuoso. He walks with the aid of two crutches; both legs braced as a result of having

polio as a child, but with the touch of his bow on a string, he ignites sheer brilliance at his fingertips.

Here is a story I recently read about him.

One night he was performing at Lincoln Center in New York City. His audiences are used to his

slow and painful entrance on stage, waiting with an inspired silence for him to play. On this occasion, after a few pristine bars, the unmistakable sound

of a string snapping brought a hush over the concert hall. The audience sat in silence. They

anticipated the sure need for him to replace the string.

He took a moment. The audience waited, almost holding their breath. Would he have to slowly

leave the stage, replace the string and then return? Instead, he closed his eyes, and then signaled for the orchestra. He picked up the piece where he had left off. It must have been remarkable, as he

continued on three strings with such beauty, passion, and power that the last magnificent notes

brought the audience to a silent reverence, followed by an explosion of applause.

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When the audience quieted, he reflectively said, “You know, sometimes it is the artist’s task to

find out how much music you can still make with what you have left.” These are incredible and powerful words from a man, a legend who has

personally overcome significant hurdles in his life. I think the audience that night witnessed “the

secret” in a very articulate way. Itzhak Perlman believed that when he needed it, his music would be there. He had complete trust in his gift, and

complete confidence in its loyalty. He has absolute trust in the silver lining.

One might ask how you make music with a three-string violin. Perlman refused to acknowledge that

discrepancy. If you look up biographies about Itzhak Perlman, it is interesting to see how little

space is given to his

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childhood illness and how much of it attests to his joy of making music, his magnificent contributions,

and his stellar achievements. What it does say about his physical condition is that he is an

eloquent advocate for the disabled.

How do we apply this to our real estate careers? Is this a big leap of faith?

No, because what we can learn from this amazing story is the strength of being able to bounce back, the strength of recovery. That’s what he did. And

that is what top performers do, over and over again.

Something unexpected happened to Perlman that night. A broken string during a prestigious concert

could have had many different outcomes. But Perlman chose to continue with three strings. He

knew deep inside of himself that he could still create music.

Could you still create music in adverse conditions? Where would you find the strength to conquer

adversity, switch tracks, and continue with brilliance?

The ability to do this is what top performers count on. They have developed, practiced, and

tuned their skills to such a high level of performance that they can count on it to be there

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when they need it. This is called flexing the “mind muscle”; the ability to react quickly and get back

on top when things don’t go your way.

Your goal as a real estate professional is to be able to still make music even when you lose a

string; to know with certainty that if you lose one sale, another will be coming up quickly, and if the market is poor, that you can still make music with

what is available. Like Perlman, everyone has “crutches” that have the potential to slow them

down. And, like Perlman, everyone has the ability to realize greatness with what they have, to cast

aside the crutches, and accomplish miracles. Imagine that moment, when you hear the resonating applause that celebrates your

achievements.

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Tall Caramel Macchiato, Light, No Whipped Cream…

The story of Starbucks is a wonderful example of reaching out and taking what you want, of

perseverance, of holding that unquestionable desire close to your heart and never losing focus

of your desire. Howard Schulz created the culture known as Starbucks and turned that into a billion-dollar retail operation, making a four-dollar cup of

coffee part of our way of life.

Schulz began his career selling coffeemakers, leading him to visit one of his best customers, Starbucks and Company in Seattle, which sold

coffeemakers and beans, and took great pride in educating their customers on the virtues of

brewing. He fell in love with Seattle and the warm and loving family business. He lobbied to work for them, urging, persuading, cajoling, and persisting

for one year until they finally hired him as director of marketing and operations in 1982. He says,

“Life is a series of near misses. But a lot of what we ascribe to luck is not luck at all. It’s seizing the day and accepting responsibility for our future.”

He travelled to Italy, where he was swept away with the romantic idea of sipping espressos and cappuccinos with biscotti and conversation. He was enamored with this way of life and had a

vision of bringing this coffee charm to America.

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Starbucks resisted his plans to serve coffee in their stores. But Schulz was passionate about his vision. He left their company and opened his own coffee shop, creating the ambience he had felt in

Italy. He completely believed in his idea. He could see it, taste it, smell it, and feel it. He absolutely visualized his goals. He was so successful, that a year later he bought Starbucks for 3.8 million

dollars and the rest, as they say, is history.

But here is a very, very good example of having a clear and focused vision, seeing where you want

to be and taking the steps to make it happen. Schulz says, “Pour your heart into your work and

you can achieve dreams others may think impossible.”

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You have to visualize your goals before you can achieve them. Write them down, shout them off

rooftops and make your goals and dreams a priority in your life. Set out to achieve them.

Even when we are surrounded by pessimism and gloom in the economy, how can we create our vision and step forward to achieve our goals?

Here is our list of the top eight ways to visualize and achieve your goals:

Ask yourself what you want.

Imagine yourself doing exactly what you want to be doing.

Write your goals down on a piece of paper and stick them where you can see them, write in color

marker, laminate them, and above all read them every single day. Know exactly what you want to achieve. When you write down your goals they become “fixed” in your mind. People who write

down their goals dramatically increase their likelihood of achieving them.

Write down all the wonderful and amazing things that reaching your goals will bring into your life.

We know that your goals are not just about financial success, but really include all those

tangible dreams like exotic beaches, luxurious

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cars, as well as dreams that are less tangible, like happiness, contentment, joy, and peace of mind.

Talk about your goals, let people know what you’re doing, and share your excitement and joy. Your enthusiasm will be contagious. The more you put your aspirations out there, the more

likely that you will begin to attract those things into your life that will lead you to achieve your

goals. Happiness loves company.

Surround yourself with people who support your vision and your passion.

Hire a coach or a mentor to help you achieve all that you want to achieve for yourself and help to

keep you focused and clearly on the track towards attaining all of the success you desire.

Dream big. Howard Schulz says, “I’d encourage everyone to dream big, lay your foundations well,

absorb information like a sponge, and not be afraid to defy conventional wisdom. Just because

it hasn’t been done before doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it.”

Dream big, live big and achieve all those goals that are within your heart.

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How to Turn Down a Billion Dollars

How do you turn down a billion dollars? How do you refuse a billion dollar offer for a little

company that you just started a few years ago? Some possible answers are:

a) You are already a gazillionaire and another billion means nothing.

b) You have sheer guts.

c) You suffered a temporary loss of sanity.

d) You have powers that allow you to see into the future.

e) You are blessed with incredible foresight.

Let’s talk about Mark Zuckerberg, the 23-year-old Facebook founder who dropped out of Harvard to build a company. A 1.6 percent share of his little

company was just sold to Microsoft for $240 million. Last year he could have sold his company to Yahoo for over a billion dollars, but he didn’t want to. With the Microsoft deal, the company is

now valued at about $15 billion, with his piece alone at about $3 billion. In hindsight, this was an extremely savvy business maneuver, but really it

was a decision that was made with incredible foresight.

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How do you turn down a billion dollars? You can only make that kind of decision and have the kind of guts it takes to turn down that kind of money if you believe with every fiber of your being in what you are doing. Zuckerman and his two partners, his roommate at Harvard, Dustin Moskovitz, and

his prep school buddy, Adam D’Angelo, have ultimate belief in their creation and in its off-the-charts potential. They have complete faith in their concept, so much so that they could turn down a

billion dollars.

Facebook represents the new blueprint, the innovative platform for interactive, social

networking. It’s about vision. It was easy for Zuckerberg to turn down the original billion

because he wasn’t anywhere near to reaching his goals. For him, it wasn’t the right deal. He commented to Forbes Magazine that he

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didn’t care about being a CEO of a company; he “just wanted to build cool things.” And in

response to declining the billion last year, he said, “I’m here to build something for the long term.

Anything else is a distraction.”

Wow. “Anything else is a distraction?”

Let’s apply this to our lives. There are some very big talking points in this success story that might

read: Here’s what happens when you have ultimate faith in what you do and the decisions you make, when you truly enjoy what you are doing and greet each day with pleasure and

passion, and when you stick to your plan, working on it every day without distraction. Ultimately,

this brilliant multi-billion dollar deal underscores one indisputable fact. The young man behind

Facebook made a decision to own his life. Have you?

In our real estate careers we are asked to make buy/sell decisions all the time. It’s the foundation of our business. Sometimes we have to have the guts to walk away from an offer because it just doesn’t meet the criteria, and sometimes our

“hole-in-one” deals fall through. If a multi-million dollar deal fell through, would you:

a) Immediately head to the bar and ask the bartender to leave the bottle; or

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b) Know that although this is disappointing news, another deal, likely a better one, will come along soon, and you continue to move forward with

your other prospects? (Okay, you are allowed one drink on the house!)

What do we have to do to empower ourselves with the insatiable strength of mind that leads to

ultimate success in our real estate careers?

This is what you need to know if you are going to turn down a billion dollars and come out on top:

Own your life. When you live in alignment and take responsibility for the choices you make, when you live each day with focus and make

choices that are aligned with your dreams, hopes, and visions, then you will own your life. For

Zuckerberg, it was about taking the right deal, and a billion dollars to sell his company outright just wasn’t what he was looking for. The right deal

allowed him to keep his company, allowed him to keep living his dream and continue to fulfill his

passion with no distractions. He made a decision that what he wanted to accomplish in his life was more important than a billion dollars. It’s easy to make decisions that serve you if you are aligned

with what you ultimately want to achieve and you don’t waiver from that platform.

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What does your life have to do with the choices that you make? This one is not a multiple choice question. The answer is simply, everything. Own

it.

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These are the Only Two Suckers I Can Trust

“This afternoon I am not going to have you up on your feet bopping to the music. I am going to

make love to you. I am going to sing songs that you make babies with.” With that introduction,

she kept her promise.

She was large, sexy and sultry. Without pinpointing her age, it appeared that she came

from a generation that still considers it impolite to ask a woman her age. Grey hair, black skin, full

lips and a smile that stretched from here to eternity. Her name was Lois Smith – she was one

of the highlighted singers at the Cape May Jazz Festival. Her voice was like butter. It was

powerful, yet her execution appeared effortless, thoughtless. She reminded me of a child

completely immersed in her pretend world without any regard to who might be watching or

eavesdropping on her play. She captivated the audience with her sound and moved them with her presence. No matter what she may have

experienced in her life that may have caused her pain, when she sang it was clear that she was in perfect alignment and she was living her passion.

Everything was right in her world the moment she stepped onto the stage. Even when her song

sheets fell from her hands in a mess on the floor, she was still in her element, leveraging the

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incident to connect with the audience and make them laugh. She was graceful and as I looked

around I could see that she had successfully lured in each and every person in the room with her

dulcet tones. She indulged us with her rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Stormy Weather, and At Last, and many more. I could hardly catch my

breath from witnessing such a magical performance.

As she paused between songs, someone from the audience approached her with an envelope. As

she tucked it into the front of her blouse to store it safely, she turned to the audience and said

“These are the only two suckers I can trust.” She had the crowd roaring with laughter.

Imagine playing your career with that much passion? Imagine stepping into it with that much

abandon and freedom? Imaging being so aligned in your work that the whole world can see it? What

would it take?

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Do What You Love

Jacqui’s Frame of Mind

“Taking the time to put “me” back into the equation of my life is all about my frame of mind.”

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JACQUI’S FRAME OF MINDDo What You Love

Stepping Into My Shoes…The Gorgeous and Very Expensive Ones

By Jacqui Markowitz

A pair of shoes or boots can simply change your day. Really! Cinderella, in a charming deceit,

leaves a glass slipper behind, taking our prince on a romping road trip around the countryside. The Wicked Witch of the East dies in a tragic house

falling, which bequeaths the dazzling ruby slippers to Dorothy, sending her on an inspired journey down the yellow brick road. Shoes are deep.

Shoes have a certain way about them; they are the intrinsic pedestal, on which a woman is propped, the true tell-tale of our inspiration. That playful

little arch in the back from a pair of high heels, the strategic power of hose and pump, the rock star sensibility of great boots, kick butt and conquer

the world.

So, how do shoes and the philosophies of Frame of Mind connect? This is an easy one for a writer who is a confessed shoe junkie – we need to step into our own shoes and walk the life we desire.

This idea was reinforced for me while walking barefoot along the beach. As I navigated my path along the sand, leaving my footprints to wash away with the tide, I thought about the path that I have taken in my life this far. I measured the choices I made. I considered my success, and those things

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WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWS

that stand out as my failures, deliberated upon what I should have done differently, why I made certain decisions, and what I want to achieve as I step into this next stage of my life…And it hit me.

Every one of my choices, decisions and actions have been directly influenced by me! My career changes, success’, failures, decisions didn’t just happen to me, and although I might not have understood it at the time, I created all those

things. This was a rather startling revelation to say the least. We go around believing that we have

little control of the things in our lives; that much of our circumstances are affected by forces other

than ourselves, and then to realize that that is simply not the case is truly awesome.

That day, I realized that it has always been in my power to steer the course of my own life, to step

into the shoes of the person I want to be, or rather the person that I am now and evolving to be. Wow – I wish I had known this a long time

ago! I’m just a late bloomer.

So often we are scared to follow the paths that our hearts yearn. We are filled with pre-

determined conclusions, the need to confirm our actions against others and we are consumed with

questions of self worth. I had a very significant conversation with myself on the beach and came

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home invigorated with the desire to step into my own very chic, very beautiful and charming shoes.

Any shoes that will grace my feet, hang off my fingertips as I walk the beach or wait by the edge of the sand for my return will have to some very

exclusive design components:

Be true to myself.Live with intent.

Always believe in my worth.Trust my instincts, every time.

Embrace the day.

Stepping into my shoes feels comfortable, luxurious and I walk with a long purposeful stride as my body falls into alignment – there is a certain

spring to my step – I am in step with myself….

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GratitudeBy Jacqui Markowitz

This morning I came into the office and Kim said, “You haven’t been writing in your journal.” Guilty as charged. Writing in a daily on line journal is an integral component of all of our Frame of Mind

coaching programs. It’s actually the “secret” ingredient to the success of our students. As many of you know, Kim is big, big, big on the power of

journaling, and honestly, it is absolutely my responsibility to myself and to the program to

journal. Admittedly, I dropped the ball this week. I can easily use the “overloaded and overwhelmed with all aspects of my life” excuse, and as true as it is, it’s still no excuse. How often have I preached

to our students that they must carve out the minutes to write in their journal, everyday, with no excuses? The truth is, I missed out, I lost the

opportunity.

I had been doing really well in the Frame of Mind for Body and Soul pilot coaching program. I was

beginning to shed my weight and feel better about my body – I was charged, on track, and motivated.

The daily writing was helping me keep to my mission and keep my intention focused. I was

getting results.

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Then came the week of writing about gratitude in our journals – this is the week where we are guided to write about the things that we are

grateful for; the people, places, experiences, and parts of ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an

amazing and insightful exercise. I honestly do feel incredibly grateful for all the pieces of my life, even the fact that I am busy beyond belief is

accepted with the gratitude that I’m busy with all good things. I just don’t feel compelled to make

the effort to write in the midst of my “overloaded and overwhelmed” life. The problem was, as I said

to Kim, “What does gratitude have to do with weight loss?”

She stopped in her tracks and said, “Everything. Gratitude has everything to do with weight loss.”

Now, as the wiser, more centered and understanding Jacqui, let me provide an

explanation of the relationship between gratitude and weight loss.

There is a huge, inseparable connection between gratitude and ourselves.

Gratitude inspires the way we think about ourselves, the way we present ourselves, and the way we navigate our way through the days of our

lives.

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Gratitude reduces our resistance, allowing us to ignite our passions and dreams.

Weight loss is a reflection of resistance. When we are struggling with our weight, we are really resisting our well being. When we are in a state of gratitude we are inviting and welcoming our

ideal physical self to shine.

I get it. It’s true. When Kim pointed out how living each day with gratitude echoes everything that we do, it was like striking a bull’s eye. The

archer released the arrow and it struck directly to the center of its target. In this case the target was

me, and the message went right to my heart. When I think about all the things that I am grateful

for in my life, I am immediately infused with an inner peace, calmness, and sensation of well being.

Guess what? This also translates into how I feel about my body and the choices that I make, about

my body, when I’m in a state of gratitude.

I came upon this quote by Melody Beattie which describes gratitude:

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns

denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house

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into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today,

and creates a vision for tomorrow."

With gratitude at the center of my day, I can more easily follow the path that I have chosen. In this case, when I experience my day from a place of gratitude, I am much more likely to take the

time to savor the flavors on my plate and nourish my body with movement and grace.

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And…From the Top, Seven, Eight…By Jacqui Markowitz

Recently, I went to the Toronto Dance Theatre to take a modern dance class, something I have wanted to do for a very long time. Something

always stood in my way. It’s too far, and the time isn’t good. It’s been so long since I’ve danced.

(This is true.) I’m too fat. (This is also true.) I have a knee injury. (This too is true.) These are all

very good and true excuses, but, enough already. After years and years of wanting to take the class,

and talking about wanting to take the class, the "somethings" hadn’t changed at all. (Sad, but

true.) So I called, signed up, and paid, but not before sharing my “it’s too far” and “bad knee” story (not the fat part, still in denial) with the

receptionist to negotiate my escape clause, (just in case the too fat and bad knee bits came into play).

I walk into the very cool, earthy and “artsy” venue in the ever-so-trendy “Cabbagetown” area of the city. I inhale my youth as I enter the premises. I am immediately transformed from middle-aged,

overweight Jacqui to my inner dancer. After all, I am wearing Uggs and have carefully tried to

camouflage my body with layers of black. It was a moment. Exhale - I enter the dance studio; a circle

of youth is cross legged on the floor exchanging names with the teacher. I conspicuously joined the

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circle and added my name, resisting the overwhelming temptation to bolt or add “Grandma” as my prefix. Perseverance.

Commitment. Determination. Self-talk: “I’m here, I should do this, this is something I’ve wanted to

do, get over yourself, nobody cares, it’s not about them, it’s for you,” and on, and on, and on. Okay, breathe in, breathe out, the class finally starts and I find a piece of dance floor real estate far enough

away from the mirror that my reflection is respectable and close enough that I can see the

teacher and follow her moves.

Five, six, seven, eight, the piano accompanist finds the melody on the keys and my body miraculously

finds the rhythm and astonishes me with its remembrance of the moves. My inner core is at

one with the music and the movement. At times I close my eyes (which proves to be a bad choice since it defies my balance), but I easily regain my equilibrium. Then, we move from standing to the

floor exercises. I am now so in-tune with my inner core, but my outer core is making it difficult for

me to bend, three, four, up and over, five, six, and reach, seven, eight. My center is proving a little too central to my body. It was at that moment

that I decided to give up my lunch at Subway and the “oven baked” chips that went along with my

“low- fat” sandwich.

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And then the piece de résistance; a part of the class that in my jubilant anticipation, my

subconscious had clearly chosen to forget in its underhanded effort to coerce me to go to class. The across-the-floor segment. This is where you line up, either individually or in small groups, to leap, jump, and chasse, triplet, scurry, glide (you get the picture) across the floor. This is the time of the class where my carefully placed anonymity was about to become glaringly exposed. More

self-talk, “They are really only interested in themselves and how really great they look with their pants rolled down, flat stomach, cute tight

tops, bare toned arms, they probably don’t know you even exist, really they don’t care anyways, and

remember, this is for you, this is your time.” It really isn’t helping as I float, flutter, prance, breasts

flopping up and down, three, four, across the floor, sucking in the stomach, five, six, remember to breath, seven, eight, how ridiculous do I look, when will it be over, I’m having such a great time, and now starting with the left, seven, eight, and…

Okay, I made it through “the across-the-floor” and then she taught the closing routine. I had to concentrate so much on remembering the steps that I forgot to be self-conscious for a minute. In that moment, the fear of screwing up the steps and drawing even more attention to my out-of-sequence self was so intensely more critical than

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how I looked when I danced that I actually allowed myself to dance.

So, I’ve decided not to play the excuse card (even thought my knee is burning today). I will just re-frame it to believe that it is “burning” with the

desire to dance.

I will return still feeling a little ridiculous, especially since after my fifteen-year-old daughter pleaded and begged to see my routine, I gave her a little sample which left her laughing hysterically, tears coming out of her eyes, rolling on the floor.

With all this encouragement, how can I not continue! The truth is that I enjoyed it, despite

the cramping of muscles that were seriously demanding why on earth I was doing this to them.

It felt good to dance again.

More importantly, it felt good to have finally followed through on something that is just for me.

And it is with this self talk that I will go back to class next week, and once again rely on my psyche

to determine whether it will be a delightful diversion or a daunting display. It’s really just as

much about my head as it is about my body.

So here it is: Dance is a metaphor of life (this happens to be true). It’s about being in alignment

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and it starts at our core, one, two, and reaches up one vertebra at a time, three, four, and lengthens to root us to the ground, five, six, inspire, inhale, and release the energy as it emanates from every

point of our being, seven, and eight.

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Body & SoulBy Jacqui Markowitz

Our bodies are like our suitcase and we shove all the “stuff” we collect on our travels through life

into whatever space is provided. In my case, I have the expandable model, and I cloak it only in black

to give the illusion that it is the more slender model. But it’s just a disguise.

This week I began, along with five other women and one man, our pilot program, Frame of Mind

for Body & Soul, based on the idea that the single most important factor to successfully make

changes in our bodies is our frame of mind. I have embarked upon this seventy-day journey, with my suitcase firmly in tow (thank goodness for wheels, or I would never make it up the stairs…) I hope to lighten my load as I proceed through all the

unknown territories in this adventure to reclaim the shape of my body.

After just a couple of days, I am aware of my mindset. My thoughts are ignited. I am conscious of the choices that I make during the day. Each day we are committed to writing in an on-line

journal. This is a very powerful experience. It is incredible to put my thoughts down, to take the time to think about how I feel, to experience my

connection with my body, my actions, and

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reactions; how I feel when I provide nourishment for my body and how I feel when I do something

that it not respectful to myself, like when I choose foods that are not healthy. I allow myself to feel joy when I go for a walk, or drink a glass of water

or green tea. I love reading the journals of my “body and soul-mates”; their inner quests are

inspiring and I feel close to them already, connected, on their side and by their side, supporting their spirit and commitment.

I’ve been contemplating this idea of time. The other night in bed, my husband turned to me and said, “Our time has run out.” I felt a shudder go through my body; all sorts of things flooded my

mind in an instant of chaos and confusion. All the things I should have said, all things we wanted to

do

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but didn’t because of this and that and money, and on and on…all the opportunities I’ve had, but put

on hold… I should have taken more action; I should have called the doctor…

Then he continued, “You’ve known the lease was up and if we don’t find a car to lease this week,

then we will have to renew your car for another 6 months.”

Whewwww… But the feeling of time has lingered within me. If this were a spinning game, the

pointer has landed squarely in my direction. My time is now. Enough, enough, enough. Enough excuses, enough putting my body on the back

burner, enough postponing, starting tomorrow, waiting for a better time, finding excuses…I feel compelled to make this happen for myself now.

No looking back, no regrets…time to take charge of my life. This is my first step.

I feel an inner light, just a glimmer right now, but there is enough to nurture and to grow. This is an unbelievable journey, and I’m only just beginning. I

intend to travel light…

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Snow DayBy Jacqui Markowitz

I woke up this morning with great anticipation, looked out the window, and “Yeah, it’s snowing!” The storm did come, the weatherman got it right

this time…SNOW DAY! I feel cocooned, surrounded by snow; from my window it looks

peaceful, white, and fluffy as it settles gently over the landscape. My stairs have disappeared and the swings sway in the wind, leaving little space for my legs to soar with them. The children are sleeping

upstairs, school has been cancelled.

My husband is sleeping, the dog is sleeping, and I am cooking soup, the aroma filtering through the

house. Mmmmmm. All is how it should be.

But, I feel like I’m playing hooky. I feel a little guilty that I am not getting in the car and making the

effort to get into the office. I turn on the television and see hundreds of cars, dedicated

commuters, employees, getting into work. They are going painfully slow; there are numerous

accidents. But they have no choice. They need to earn their day’s pay. The newspaper was

delivered, the mailman came. Not sleet, nor snow, nor…. And I feel conflicted. Yes, I can write from home, and it would really be ridiculous for me to

spend the next couple of hours in the car, and

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then worry about how I’m going to get back home, but the terms of my employment have me going into the office daily. I know my employer

would not have a problem with me working from home, but still, I feel funny about it. It’s this

responsibility thing. It’s about commitment, not taking advantage of the situation, and all that stuff. For me, it’s a no-win situation. I will feel bad if I go in and bad if I don’t. What’s the matter with me!

Why can’t I just be in the moment, not worry so much, go with the flow, feel comfortable and right about my decisions, and not second guess myself? The more that I think about it, the more I believe that it has to do with being in control of my own

destiny. As I’m working these feelings out on paper, I am exposing a lot of mixed emotions. The

idea of approval pops into my mind. I’ve always thought that I am a very independent person,

motivated, a self-

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starter, and confident. But, am I the kind of person that needs to report to someone to get permission to stay home on a snow day? And if I am, do I also need stroking and approval for the

work that I do? Help!

For me, I think that it’s exactly my independence that throws me a little. As a writer, I need to

constantly determine what exactly is expected of me, and what my parameters are. I am always looking for approval. Even though I might love what I have written, think it’s the next Pulitzer

winner, it is part of my job to run it by an editor or an employer to make sure that what I have written is on target for their publications. As a writer, rejections are part of my daily life, and

even though it is personal, I don’t take it personally. After all, I am still working!

Now, I work for a coaching company, so it’s very important for me to understand and convey the lessons I have learned from my snow day story. Here is what I have realized on this wonderful,

white, snowy day:

1. Use writing as a tool to work things out; it really does help to make sense of things and allow our minds a forum to express our feelings, churn

up ideologies, and play with conclusions and decisions.

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2. I think that we all have feelings of self-doubt from time to time. I believe that we can be independent, strong, and confident and still

require, seek, and enjoy approval for a job well done.

3. We have to be accountable to ourselves. It is up to us to make the decisions that govern our lives. We must not confuse accountability with

respect. It is respectful to check in with my boss to let her know that I’m not going to make it in

because of weather conditions, but it is up to me to be responsible and accountable to get the job

done.

4. Emotional resilience. You’ve got to have it. Sometimes I miss. Sometimes the story doesn’t work, and my page is covered with red pen. It’s

okay.

Sometimes a publisher doesn’t accept my piece. It’s okay. It’s okay because I know that I am a good writer. I know that if one piece doesn’t

work out, another will. If one publisher rejects my novel, another will love it. I have faith that I will be successful; rejection and red pens are part of my

job.

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And lastly, I believe that everybody needs a snow day from time to time.

Consider it a guilty pleasure. It’s okay to let ourselves off the hook once and a while, go with the flow, dispense judgment, and be at peace with

our decisions.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow….

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Time and HarmonyBy Jacqui Markowitz

Time is a big issue for me. Most of the time I feel overwhelmed. Actually, I feel like I’m drowning with all the things that I “have to” and “want to” do each day. The biggest issue that is weighing on

me now is that I feel tremendous remorse and guilt that I don’t see my Mom enough – she is ninety, very frail, we have been through much

together over the years. There is a constant pang, an ache in my chest, even within me now as I

write. I lost my Dad when I was fifteen and it was just her and I left at home. I was born late in her

life and my siblings were already out of the house. So we grew together, her into a widowed,

working mother and me into womanhood. She has given me so much.

I want to spend more time with my husband and my daughters, and most of the time lately I don’t feel like I am supporting them enough, and things are slipping. I really, really want to work out and

take care of myself. I want to be present and entirely in the moment at work. Tick, tick, tick…Okay, I think that my anxiety level is rising as I’m

writing...

Time was the topic of our Frame of Mind for Body and Soul Coaching call this week. The

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conversation between all of us on the call was honest, true, heartfelt, and magnificent. It gave me

tingles of excitement, that we were all on this marvelous journey together and we are

discovering amazing and poignant pieces of ourselves. I am blown away by the candor of the members of our group. You know that feeling when you are speaking to someone and their words, the sensation of how they share their

experience is so real, without airs, that you are drawn to them in a way that you can relate and support. That is the most amazing thing about what is happening within this group. I feel a joy

inside me as they unleash and relish in their discoveries. And I feel joy and peace with some of

the discoveries I am unraveling within myself.

On the call this week, I realized something about time. Actually something `BIG`, as Kim would say. I was talking about the fact that I had cancelled a

couple of commitments I had on one night, favoring instead to see my Mom and grocery shop – both of which I desperately needed to do. In the course of my conversation, I said, “I let myself off the hook”. Boom! There it is. Simple and true. I

did. I let myself off the hook and did exactly what was in my heart to do for myself, the things that

at that moment made complete sense in my world and gave me a sense of harmony.

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And it did. I worked a little later to finish off some things so that I didn’t feel as stressed, I spent two hours with my Mom, grocery shopped, picked up one of my daughters at the subway, came home, we made dinner together, ate in the garden, and then watched the hockey game, which I didn’t

finish because I fell asleep on the couch somewhere during the second overtime. Now,

although it makes me tired to write about all that went into that day, at the end of the day I felt at

peace. I wasn’t struggling with myself, and I wasn’t consumed with all that I didn’t do.

I know I can’t keep up quite that pace, and there was no time in that day to exercise, even though I’m up these days before six. The no-sleep and

early-morning thing will have to wait for another time. (See how well I’m prioritizing!)

For now, I will close this musing with the ideas of time and harmony held steadfast and clear in my vision, and melodic, since the title is making me

think of the Paul McCartney tune, Ebony and Ivory… Live together in perfect harmony…

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Putting Yourself Out ThereBy Jacqui Markowitz

One week last summer, I participated in a seven-day intensive writer’s workshop. The week before I was on the soccer field, well not actually on the

turf, but in the stands: I confess, I am a soccer mom, true – proud and happy to be one! One of

the moms happened to mention that an acquaintance of hers was taking this amazing course where a very renowned author was

reading her manuscript each week and giving her notes. Well, that planted the seed. I came home

and immediately went online to research this program – and there it was. Her course was a correspondence program that didn’t start again until January, but there was a summer workshop

beginning that next Saturday. Okay – armed with a year working at a coaching company, “top

performers move with speed” presenting itself in script before my eyes, I considered it a “sign” and decided that I had nothing to lose. I quickly chose a passage from my novel that just happened to fit the 15-page criteria and wrote a cover letter and sent it off to the director of the program asking if there was any room left. I was accepted and with

that came my incredible leap of faith.

I didn’t intend on being a writer. After high school I thought I was going to be an actress or a lawyer.

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After graduating with a Bachelors degree in Fine Arts, with my major in dance, I got a job as a

producer with an advertising agency.

Clearly no writing in that mixed bag. So it was a surprise to me when I sat down at the computer and one day and a year later had produced the

first draft of my novel.

I placed it in a drawer and there it sat for many, many years… until a week ago.

Big, big, leap.

The director of the program suggested that I work with a wonderful Canadian author called Lisa Moore. I immediately clicked with her and

with the assortment of talented characters in my group. Mismatched at first sight indeed, but on planet writing, we became instant rocket mates, learning to listen, fuel, appreciate, critique, and

question every single salacious syllable.It was somewhat like a boot camp for the literary set. We met with our groups each morning and

were treated to a buffet lunch, followed by a smorgasbord of afternoon delights with lectures from publishers and authors; readings, and details of the writer’s life that our director referred to as “rocket fuel”. Total immersion in literary "La La

Land" comes with homework. I would arrive

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home at around five-thirty and immediately retreat to the computer, where my fingers tried to keep pace with my mind and my mind tried to give my finger tips something to do. Definitely a push and pull relationship. Each morning in class

we would share the spoils that we were convinced were either profound or absurd,

miraculously all somehow pulling it off.

So Jacqui, how did the week go, what did you learn, did you enjoy it? In reverse, I enjoyed every single minute of the week. I learned so much and

the week went better than I could ever have imagined.

The timing was wrong and the timing couldn’t have been more right. I had to ask Kim for a week

off work to take this course, even though I had already made vacation commitments for later in

the month. The painters were coming to my house and I had a ton of cleaning to do. I had a

house guest arriving the first day of the program and had to miss one of the days due to my

commitments. But, the timing couldn’t have been more right. An opportunity to follow my dream presented itself out of the blue; well, more like out of the green, and all I had to do was leap.

I am a very private and guarded person. Not anymore! Well, that’s not entirely true, but I did

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learn to appreciate on a very deep and personal level the power and joy of sharing my work with others. I developed a significant respect and sense

of honor about the relationship of sharing our thoughts or writings with other like-minded

people.

I put myself out there. This was huge for me. On Wednesday night we were invited to do a three-

minute reading of our work. I was terrified. Was it good, would my mouth go dry, would I quiver and quake? The entire day was riddled with self doubt;

I even began a mad edit of another piece a half hour before liftoff.

Then self-doubt turned to self-talk – “Jacqui if you don’t do this you will be so mad at yourself, grow

up, do this, do not quake and quiver, get over yourself and do it - followed by a steady rhythm of

breathe and breathe out to the count of eight.”

And I did it. From somewhere a clear, ethereal voice filled the room, the microphone was my

friend, I was in control, and the words spilled out in cadence and measure and texture. I could see

the words paint their image across the room.

Sometimes, we have to put ourselves out there. In doing so, we stand to gain so much and discover dazzling details about ourselves.

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Frame of Mind Perspective

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FRAME OF MIND PERSPECTIVEFrame of Mind Perspective

“The way you think determines how you feel.Your perspective catapults you to success.”

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The Resolution Hangover

Over and over again, year after year, like a rite of passage, we determine what our New Year’s

resolutions will be. This is a great idea! One year is over, and we are at the beginning of a new year.

It’s a time to re-think what our dreams and aspirations are, what we want to achieve in the

coming year, how we want to look, what we want to do, and who we want to be. It’s an opportunity to let go of past limitations and start fresh. It’s a moment where we no longer feel the chains of

resistance, and our champagne dreams are laced with spontaneous optimism, good will, and hope.

So what’s wrong with this? Why don’t New Year’s Resolutions work?

Everything about New Year’s resolutions comes with the sparkle factor. They sound great; they spread cheer like those festive horns with the

silver tinsel we blow at midnight. Like the twinkling confetti, resolutions are on the tongue

of every tuxedo and little black dress. What’s wrong with New Year’s resolutions is that they

don’t work. They are all based on intent, on spur-of-the-moment ideas, contemplations, whims,

fancies, and buoyant bravado.

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How many New Year’s Resolutions have you broken so far?

The tangible problem with New Year’s resolutions is that they are just a bunch of words that have no roots, no gravity, and no weight. Resolutions are made in response to something you want to end, usually a deep-rooted habit or life pattern that

even the magic of New Year’s Eve has little chance of changing. After that glorious fairy dust settles, we are still left with the same issues that

seemed so easy to resolve. The resolution presents itself like a quick fix, like the latest get

rich quick scheme or lose a gazillion pounds overnight plan.

The antidote to a New Year’s Resolution hangover, its Bloody Mary, can be considered in

two words – Dream Big.

Dream big. Yes, this absolutely applies to our careers as well. And yes, it even and more

poignantly applies to the kind of economy that is forecasted next year. The difference between

making a resolution and making an effective change in our life lies within the idea of striving

towards something rather than moving away from something. We think that our resolutions are

dreams, but they come from a place of scarcity, rather than from a place of abundance. If our

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resolution is to lose weight, we are struggling with the notion that we are fat. What would happen if we decided that we want to live a healthy life, and

eat foods that promote a healthy body? The determining factor in achieving our resolutions is in how we think about what we want to achieve,

in how big our dream is. Here’s an example: If our resolution is to make more money, that is based

on the fact that we likely didn’t make enough money and we were unable to do the things that we wanted to do. In fact, this kind of resolution only allows us to springboard from the negative. So, we are already contemplating fulfilling our prophecy from a seriously diminished starting

point.

Let’s re-frame that same resolution. Let’s consider it from a different frame of mind. If our resolution is to create a wonderful lifestyle for our family, to build satisfying and long lasting relationships with

our clients, and serve their respectful needs in this downturn market, or to attend an inspiring conference in Los Angeles and then take the

family to the beach, we have just packaged our resolution in a whole different way. This

resolution is inspirational.

This is a great dream; we can taste, feel, and crave it. This resolution serves as a personal vision, one

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that we can fall in love with; one that has the power to capitulate us to success.

In order to seriously be effective, the “resolution” needs to infiltrate our thinking. It must be an

integral part of our mind set, become part of our frame of mind. It must emanate from within. It

must present itself as a burning desire, as something that we feel that we can’t live without.

Rather than make resolutions, we must be resolute in our ambition and never sacrifice our

passion, our desire to follow through on the changes we want to make.

How do we get the frame of mind necessary to fuel our big dreams?

One of the most effective ways of reaching our big dreams is to work with a coach. A coach can

provide us with a framework that will enable us to reach our dreams. The right coaching program addresses the fact that there are flaws in our

thinking and will guide us through the three stages of development necessary to re-program our

frame of mind to allow real change to take place; awareness, practice, and action. The coaching

programs we should be looking for are those that are rooted in the most current and forward-thinking areas with regards to the discipline of

deliberate thought, programs that clearly take into

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consideration the idea of the whole agent, and those that recognize that the way to achieve our

resolutions isn’t from crawling out of our misfortunes, but by embracing our big dreams and

allowing ourselves to sparkle.

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The Greatest Coaches

I can replay the conversation in my mind as though it were yesterday. I was 21 years old and I was taking a Masters Level university course called “Educational Psychology.” It was a small class with

maybe 15 students in total. I was clearly the youngest in the group. It was a highly interactive class filled with discussion and debate. The mid-term exam was conducted face-to-face with the

professor in a private meeting room.

My professor asked me questions about Freud, Jung, and Skinner. We battled about the virtues of cognitive psychology versus behavioral psychology.

He asked me what I saw myself doing in the future. I told him I wasn’t sure. There was a part of me that was interested in business but I also

wanted to be involved with something that could really help people.

At the very end of the oral interrogation he said this: “You must have a very high IQ. Your ability

to think about this material and communicate your understanding is remarkable.” That

statement stopped me in my tracks. I had never ever thought of myself as intelligent. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I often found myself amongst

people whom I considered to be head and shoulders above me regarding intellectual matters.

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I couldn’t really engage in a conversation about politics, I didn’t understand economics, and I

certainly was not able to discuss foreign affairs or international policy. My school marks were always slightly above average, but nothing to really write home about. Up until that moment I was just little

Kim, youngest in the family, social, outgoing, always on the phone, slightly rebellious, but

ultimately very compliant. I was an “under the radar” kind of student, and never did anything to draw any type of significant attention to myself. I

would say I was even a little shy.

That conversation turned my world around. My professor saw something in me that I had never

seen in myself - something that held an enormous amount of potential. He held up a mirror to show

me the reflection of what he saw in me. Was it true? Was I really smart? Although I wasn’t nearly convinced, all of a sudden it was a possibility and all of a sudden I started to explore that possibility in a new light. My perspective of me had changed.

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For the second half of that semester I worked my butt off. I was committed to the material, I was

committed to the professor, and I was committed to performing at the very peak of my ability. I gave it everything I had – and I did it in order to turn

that possibility into a reality. I did it for me.

That professor turned out to be one of the greatest coaches I have come across in my life.

That is what a great coach does:

A great coach sees potential in you that you are unable to see in yourself.

A great coach believes in your resilience and only sees your capabilities and strengths, allowing your

weaknesses to fade completely.

A great coach encourages your independence and helps you to value and develop accountability to

yourself. He or she watches with pride and support as you stand on your own two feet,

forging your own success.

A great coach helps you to stay on the path that brings you toward your destination. They help to pull you back onto the path when you are veering

off course with a loving touch, constantly reminding you of the vision you have of your ideal

world.

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A great coach stands by your side and then watches with a smile as you walk away.

A great coach is like your greatest, most loved teacher. The one who made you believe in yourself; that made you eager to get to the

classroom each lesson; that ignited your thirst for knowledge and gave you the biggest gift of all, the

inner strength and conviction to strive for and reach your goals. A great coach is the one who

makes a difference in our lives; who takes a special interest in us and makes us believe that all things are possible; who holds a mirror up and allows us

to see all that we could not see in ourselves, allowing us to see our unique talents and

greatness reflected in the mirror.

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The Pink Slip…

What would happen at work if…

You repeatedly showed up late?

You consistently put your responsibilities off?

You neglected your primary tasks because you were distracted by other things?

If you committed these infractions at work, your employer would have cause for dismissal.

In my coaching sessions, I always ask the question; what is your primary responsibility?

Most often, women answer the question with a never ending list, citing the innumerable details, commitments, issues, schedules, and bits and

pieces that they are responsible for, all of them aimed at taking care of their children, husbands,

parents, friends, and the multitude of organizations and committees they are involved with. Nowhere in the list do I hear about how they take care of themselves. Nowhere – it’s

astounding. If you abdicated all of your responsibilities at work you would be fired, and

yet, over and over again, women place themselves last on the “to do” list, neglecting to take care of

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their personal business at hand. It’s not acceptable to do this at work. Why is it acceptable to do this

in your life? This is grounds for the pink slip.

Your number one responsibility is to take care of yourself.

What does that really mean? Over and above everything else, your primary job is to take

responsibility for the way you feel. No blaming, no finger pointing, no feeling like a victim. No waiting for someone else to do something, say something,

or be something so that you can be happy. Certainly not waiting for someone to make you the priority in your own life; that is your title to

bestow upon yourself.

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The more that you put your own needs aside to take care of everyone else’s, the more you

systematically rob yourself of the opportunities to reach your potential and to enjoy the things that are important for you. As a result, you slowly but

ever so surely erode your self-confidence. In essence, while you believe you are creating happiness by taking care of everything for everyone, you are allowing vast feelings of

worthlessness and unhappiness into your own life. When your desires and needs are always in last place, when there never seems to be enough

hours in the day, when you are micromanaging everybody’s lives, frankly, you are not managing your life in an appropriate manner at all. It’s not productive in any way, not even for the people

whose lives you think you are supporting.

What does this have to do with sales relationships? Everything. Your number one responsibility in your life is to take care of

yourself first. In doing so, your relationships will flourish and be abundant rather than difficult and

diminished.

When you place yourself in a position of priority, you are clearly making a statement that you have

value and worth. That is very attractive; it is human nature to be drawn to success.

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Successful real estate agents clearly understand the connection between taking responsibility for

yourself and sales, being able to come to the table each day from a place of value and worth. Real

Estate is a relationship-based industry.

Take away all the bells and whistles, the tools, gadgets, and technology, and there at the core will

be relationships. Agents who are skilled at building, maintaining, and growing relationships have been able to sustain their business, even

during market downturns. They have been able to effectively communicate with their clients,

providing them clear information and a high level of service, and benefiting from a long established

and trusted relationship.

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Here are three key “top priority” strategies to incorporate into our lives as extraordinary

women that will have far-reaching benefits in terms of all our endeavors and successful sales

relationships.

Hang up the cape. The superwoman theory is old and tired. We are, however, remarkable women, able to navigate through our days with brilliant

presence and ease, maintaining a strong and concise agenda that fits into and respects the

multi-functions of our lives.

Hold fast to the vision that we have for ourselves. We can do all that is significant and integral to our lives if we understand what it is that we want to achieve in a broad sense, and keep that vision

firmly and clearly planted in our minds. When our actions support that vision, it keeps us on track.

Be authentic. If we lead our lives with authenticity, then all the pieces of the puzzle will fall into place.

When we are authentic, we are respecting ourselves and acting from a place of truth and

integrity. When we communicate from a platform of authenticity, we find that our mandate is achieved. If we build that kind of authentic

relationship with our clients, they will be there for us throughout our careers.

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There is only one pink slip that is relevant in our lives – the one that gives us the inner glow that

we have made ourselves the number one priority in our lives.

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Independence Day!“Independence: freedom from the control and

influence of others.”Independence is a funny thing. It's truly at the

core of Frame of Mind Coaching - and at the core of personal well being. So what is independence

really all about? It's about taking responsibility for the way you feel and not relying on other

people to make you feel good.Some people find this challenging. As humans, we

are interconnected. We are affected by one another. So can there truly be a place of

independence with respect to how you feel? How can a mother not feel for her child when the child

was bullied at school? How can a husband not feel for his wife when he hears about how her

boss disrespected her? How can a friend not feel for her friend when she sees her in a state of

sadness or depression? We are human, feeling people. How can we dissociate from other people’s emotions? How do we preserve

ourselves and ward against the volatility of other people’s mood swings and life drama?

The answer to this is not dissociation or preservation. The answer is choice. While most of us agree that we don’t have a lot of choice over the events that happen in other people’s lives, we certainly have choices about how we perceive the

other person and the events in their lives. We have choice over the thoughts we have and choice

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over what we give our attention to. This plays a huge role in our relationships and how the

relationship makes us feel.Let’s take the case of the child who is being

bullied. Instinctively, as mothers, we want to defend our children. We want to protect them and keep them safe and we want to stand up for

them. Here’s what happens though – that instinct perpetuates our vision of the child as a victim and so long as that’s what we see, that is exactly what

we nurture.By the same token, when we focus on the wife

who is being disrespected at the office and empathize with her anger, frustration, and

helplessness, we absorb the emotions that bring events into our own lives that trigger these same

kinds of feelings. When we take on someone else’s anger, typically we

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attract events into our own lives that elicit anger. When things are bad for someone else and we

focus on it with them, things don’t get any better – they typically just get worse.

So how do you deal with someone who is out of sorts, grumpy, pissed off or depressed?

Acknowledge how they feel and firmly focus on what is right with them. Focusing on what’s right

doesn’t mean you have to speak it out loud, it means that you have to pay attention and turn your thoughts to what is working for them. If

you find that it is too difficult a task, then your job is to redirect your own attention to something

completely different and unrelated, something that make you feel good. You must make sure that

you are taking care of your own emotions in the face of their downward spiral. You must make

sure you are choosing thoughts that fuel you and keep you up.

Your greatest contribution to any relationship is your own well being. Your greatest gift to anyone

in your life is your own Independence.

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He Told Oprah About Me…

I admit it; I love Oprah. She is my mentor at a distance, a legend, a measuring stick of business ingenuity and good karma. Yes, it’s my dream to be on the Oprah show. If you’re going to dream,

dream big!

This has been an unbelievable week on many levels. I’m on a perpetual high. I love what I’m doing. I have a roster of amazing clients that

challenge me and inspire me with their perseverance and commitment to their dreams. It has a reciprocal effect. I gain so much insight into myself from our coaching calls. They allow me to

share pieces of myself as we find the words, thoughts, and ideas that strike a chord and elicit progress and change. I am left with such a feeling

of admiration and joy in the way they purposefully overcome their struggles and take great strides to achieve their goals. It makes me a better person,

and invites and encourages me to strive even further to reach my own dreams. On a daily basis,

little miracles are coming into my world with every step and at every juncture. I am filled with

gratitude.

I have a client who was referred to me by a direct competitor of his. That in itself is a huge

statement. It is thrilling for me to consider the

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confidence and successful swagger that allowed him to recommend me to his rival, and the feeling of good will, mutual respect, and generosity that will remain as their bond by this action. My new client is a real estate broker and owns a small

brokerage on the New Jersey coast.

As of yesterday, we had been working together for only one week of a ten-week program. Every

day for the past seven days, as per our agreement, he went on to our online website to post the

journal entry reflecting the homework he had to do for the week. And every day for the past week

I have been corresponding with him, providing him with feedback on his journal. Yesterday we

had our second call. We covered a lot of territory, discussing relationships, taking

responsibility for his happiness, dropping self-sacrifice, increasing his commissions, and living

with more joy. At the end of the call, he gave me a huge gift.

“Kim, I can’t tell you how much better I feel after just one week. I feel so much happier. If our

coaching program ended today, I would feel I got my money’s worth. Every day I’ve been thinking

about how much you have helped me that I wanted to do something to help you in return. So

I wrote a letter to Oprah.”

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How did he know I wanted to be on Oprah? (Ok, I guess that one wasn’t rocket science – who

doesn’t want to be on Oprah?) But without any verbal communication on the topic, he unwittingly set the wheels in motion for me to recognize one of my personal aspirations. He wrote that I had “a

gift that will blow her audience away.”

This was an amazing heartfelt gesture of his gratitude. I am happy that I was able to make a

difference in his life. He considers what I do as a “gift”. The gift really is in the way my clients are

gaining the ability to experience life a little differently, with more joy, more awareness, and

more gratitude.

When we take ownership of our lives and responsibility for our own happiness and success,

it’s remarkable that things just seem to flow better. The things we were battling seem to lose their sharp edge and we find ways to work out issues and solve our problems. What happens is

that we shift our focus away from the stuff that is standing in our way and turn our focus towards our dreams. What we focus on grows. This shift

in and of itself is tremendously liberating and invigorating, impacting every single aspect of our

lives.

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Here are three lessons that can be gleaned from my story.

If you’re going to dream, dream big. Remarkable things can happen.

Top performers have the confidence to share contacts, connections, and ideas, even to their competitors. They know that reaching out to others will only bring good will into their lives.

Be real. When we are honest with ourselves and allow people access to our core, we invite people

to be part of our lives and our hearts. They connect with us and we establish a lifelong bond.

As for me, I love to dream big and live big. I’m going to embrace each day and enjoy every

experience, and I’m going to focus on Oprah!

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