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Beyond Consequenceland

Skill Deficits Are Not Willful Non-compliance

Lynne Kenney, PsyDwww.lynnekenney.com

The Family Coach Method

How America Turned Parenting Upside Down

FOUNDATION Our Culture of Respect

SKILL SETS

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Brain-Based Parenting Skills

Today we will explore:

How America is caught in The Discipline Trap

How we can move out of damage control into skillful living

The role of the amygdala in executive function

How to teach the words, thoughts and actions to build new skills

1.0 “Hey Mommy! WELCOME TO MY BRAIN”

The Thinker: Executive function, organization and planning Inhibition Shift Self-regulation Self-modulation Planning

The Caveman: Safe Vulnerable Dangerous/Fight Flight Freeze Amygdala Don’t reason with me when I am firing

The Thinker and The Caveman

What is A Skill Set?

The Family Coach Method Definition: Skill Set

(n.) The cognitive functions, words, or behaviors needed to accomplish a specific task.

The Family Coach Method Definition: Skill deficit(n.) A child’s inability to exhibit a expected behavior in this time-frame and under these circumstances.

The Family Coach Method Definition: Willful Non-compliance(n.) When a child who possesses a necessary skill set, obstinately and deliberately chooses not to exhibit behaviors required within a specific social, work, cultural, academic or family setting.

q q qNEEDS/ EXPECTATIONS SKILLS OUTCOME

Your child has a need and you have a behavioral expectation. You both need the skills to encourage a positive outcome.

Communicate the landscape of your family values.

Clarify expectations so that your children can succeed.

Collaborate with your children for positive outcomes.

Offer opportunities to re-do behaviors that are not within your values.

Model peace and calm in your interactions.

You Cannot Punish A Child Into A New Behavior

What is the Eb?Can He/She Do it?

If Yes, Expect itIf No, Teach it

Become A Behavioral Detective

Understand the who, what, when, where and how of the behavior

Consider how the stage was set (temperament, demeanor, tone)

Did you open the opportunity for success (eat, sleep, stimulation, distractions)

A B C

Collaboration Build Brains and Relationships

Step 1: Empathize with your child’s need set.

Step 2: Clarify the behavioral expectation.

Step 3: Talk about what is getting in the way of solving the challenge.

Step 4: Talk about solutions to the challenge.

Step 5: Agree on a solution.

Step 6: Set a time-frame for task completion.

Step 7: Review how the solution will help the child and the relationship.

Resources

The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science (James H. Silberman Books) by Norman Doidge

The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force by Jeffrey M. Schwartz and Sharon Begley

A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future by Daniel H. Pink

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell

www.lynnekenney.com