BLACKRED

WHITEYELLOW

BLUESJAY M. JOHAR

BLACK RED WHITE YELLOW BLUES

JAY M. JOHAR

This book is a collection of poetry written over a period of 8 years by Jay M. Johar.

Self-published.

Copyright © Jay M. Johar 2016

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BLACk REDWHITE YELLOW

BLUES

LAIN RASA

antah ah inda tau ahinda batah animacam rasa atiselalu kabak kabak macam rasa meranakepala pun rasa samakluan banyak uri rasaluan rasa kan larijauh mana saja pergiasal inda di sini asal inda sandi pasal ngapa puninda ku te gitaunada rasa baibuninda lagi ada kan maunada mood nya urangsudah frust nya durangkan beenjoy pun kurangmasa kosong pun sorang

nya mama inda cukup sembahyang tunya bapa inda cukup tidur tunya adi luan stres keraja tu nya kawan inda ada girlpren tumacam semua jua rasa kumacam bukan jua nyangkumacam sebab lain jua tumacam utak sendiri kali tuani atu ani atu anu atubalik balik atu pikirankuantah banar semuaatau kelakar saja

PENGUMPAT

bila ku tanya kalau iabekunyanyang nada maknaatau ada rasa salah ia menjawab jangantah terasamenyibuk juabusybodybelabih kaliaku terbanganginda tercakapselamba saja ia mengumpataku pun laribalik, jarih kurapaknya nada filtersiapa jua inda terasaasal kenalsemua kana

URANG BRUNEI

Lajutah kita bejalancoffee bean, mana sajagloria jeans pun bulih juastarbucks, mamih, banyak ada

crossfit, be gym pastu makan, curi wifi facebook sakan, nasi goreng post instagram, banyak like, hashtag jua kan,

malam ani kita enjoyada keraja, biar tiakita ani urang brunai, inda keraja bisai bisai

apa ada movie karangkalau siuk tiket bookingkan cerita 3d, lagi dilayanpilih show tangah malam

driving highway nada keritabulih laju jangan tah ingau urang memotong dibubut juasampai lapas baru ati puas

malam ani kita enjoyada keraja, biar tiakita ani urang brunai, inda keraja bisai bisai

THE VIOLENCE OF MUSIC

Amidst all this violence,I can hear you,Singing all the words,And the words are lovely,

In-between the rare silence,I can see you,Screaming through the chorus,And we are screaming too.

A THOUSAND THOUGHTS

these thousand thoughts excitedly explores reimagined realities of an unbroken us,where who we were stayed still in love and lust.

Hindsight hinders hope, wouldn’t we know it. Not with courageous cowardice could we have stopped it. Slowed wit, scorned fit amidst this.

I hadn’t moved, I hadn’t, didn’t, see,I was cowardly, broken by fearfuldistrust of self, by a voice i knew well, of a discontent mere hint of a man,revelling in the writhing, violent sighs.

LITTLE DEATH

Hold me, crush me, push me away, Take me, hurt me, lead me astray, We’ll let ourselves die,Just so we feel alive, For this built, sudden high, And I hear you slightly cry, With a softness in your eyes, And the shivering of your thighs, A face I could barely see, As I’m hidden underneath, Your fingers lead me up, To let our lips touch, As you taste your own, We feel less alone, Just one night more, Shake me to my core, As we return favours, And exchange flavours, What do you feel within? Is it a part of me unseen?

THIS ISLAND

Fingertips skate over tickled slopes,unsteep, sliding and stumbling,fingers lock into place, criss cross,undone, sweeping and straining,lips whisper, touch and tease,giggles, gasps, and gushes,pray for love, curse for passion,lie for truth, swear for kindness,forget the world beyond,this island will hold for now.

In the summer haziness, a blurring consciencestrolls over the green, awaits my handsto comb through hazelnut soft strands,to brush over milky white skin, to love,to dance, to daze years in dizzying pace,as the world slows and the times race,the melancholic beauty became my home,No more, one day she said, away and gone.

HOME IS GONE

Take me home where my bones will lie,where peace is eternal and voices disappear,unto me a joyful silence will fall,all will come and none will answer,may I be forgotten as I forget the world,may my words stay as my body fades,as minds are worn and time turns bold,darkness will pass and dawn awaits.

False as words and falls absurdly,Rememb’ring times we loved so much, Pain in love and pray politely, I have no qualms with thee as such.

THE REALITIES OF SPACE

Space separates, timid time flies and flutters,Space spoils, lively love wears and withers,Space stops, interminable intimacy boils and bitters,Space strains, formed friendship foiled and flusters.

30 YEARS OF SUMMER

Summer, summer, summer, and more summer Rain, summer rain, monsoon rain, and rainyou see leading your way or coming a mile awaythe contrast between wet tar and dry roads and the blinding sun shining over humid weather and you ask yourself why you're here and whether you love or hate it here or somewhere in between or if it's not the here you love but the who's and what'sso you drag yourself to shopping malls looking for meaninginbetween movie showings and burnt overpriced coffee searching for something more exciting than the 8-to-4.30 or earlier whenever you can get away with iteveryone else does it anyway, or so you say, and so everyone else says.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

You are at that point in your life when people ask“kahwin sudah?” “ada girlfren sudah?” sudah, sudah, sudah tahEveryone asking for alreadys and all you can answer are not yets and maybes. So you retreat and hide away and divert their attention to what kueh is thisand whether they made it themselves or bought it from a stay-at-home mother so they answer in great, unwanted detail and you nod and fill silences with “awu” and “banar tah tu” as you scream inside waiting for other people to hurry up and finish their conversationsso you can drive away to the next source of frustration asking the same questions expecting the same answers, playfully recommending daughters or sons the cynic in you thinks “no way” but the diplomatic in you blurts out “mana saja” interjected with a forced, exasperated laugh which barely made it out

didn't you have bigger plans than this? Didn't you dream to escape from the mundaneness of homeand to make home out of another, where the only ones who bother to visitare the only ones who matter anyway, not the ones you fake smiles atnot the ones you utter curses to in your head, oh not them, no, no, no, not them at all.

INTERESTING TIMES

What interesting times,what time to be alive,what time to be young,To be passionate today and angry,To be disillusioned, trapped, and oppressed,To be home again yet so unwelcome,To be who we are here where we are now,To be among friends and see new enemies,To live in lies and to be lied to,To be silenced with threatening phrases,To be judged by condescending faces,To push back with fiery desperation,To be seen as dumb, youthful ignorance,To feel hopeless yet strong-willed to fight,To see no end in immediate sight.What interesting times,What time to die,What time to fall.

BLESSED

Speculative, the thumbs swipe over the clear glass,A fragmented afterthought converted into doubtful whispers,As the towering figure extends its hands to silence them,The hounding mob shouts for truth when none was delivered,How far must we go, they say,How loud must we shout, they say,Out of the way, out of the way, he says,Can’t you see you’re blocking progress, he says,For he is truth, he is power, that part is true,His grace reminds us all that we are but nought,Compared to his presence when none compares,To doubt him at all is a crime of thought.

GREEN

Tell me good things. Tell me a decorated truth. Tell me a wonderful lie. Tell me the story of when everything was good. Tell me a lovely anything.

Let us leave this place. Follow me as I leave the first set of footprints on this newly-made path through the thick bushes and the thin streams. I swear we’ll end up happier than we were before.

Green, green, green, green.

One step, two steps. Two steps twice. Then a million more.

We’ll be somewhere we never knew we wanted to be. We’ll be happy. We’ll be good. We’ll be loving.

Ignore your doubts. Ignore your suspicions. Ignore the evil of reluctance creeping into your thoughts. This is meant to be. This is true. One step forward, a fall unseen.

The End.

BLACK RED WHITE YELLOW BLUES

A collection of poetry by Jay M. Johar