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Visser ’t Hooft Lyceum Leiden English Department

1Robert Laytham

A TALE OF TWO HEARTSby

Lina Petkova


Bogamus the TrollCopyright 2011 Nathan A. Jones

Bogamus and the Three Billy Goats Gruff‘Waaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!’Bogamus was having a bad day. He had been sneaked, tricked and had just beenbuffeted off his bridge. Now he was flying through the air, arms flailing andscreaming. His bridge, the river under it and the valley it ran through were all gettingsmaller and smaller beneath him.The valley was high up in the mountains, far within the Magical Realm and wasunusual in two ways. Firstly the valley was inhabited by both creatures of the realworld, that you or I might see everyday, but also by magical creatures. You will onlyever get to see magical creatures if they want you to see them or if you are magicalyourself. Elegant elves, mice, deer, tiny fairies, wolves, rabbits, enormous trolls,goats, toads, mischievous gnomes, spiders, beetles and even troublesome goblins alllived side by side.Secondly while one side of the valley had sunshine all day long the other side wasalways covered in shadow. On the fair, sunny side the grass grew lush and green, theflowers bloomed and the trees grew tall. The creatures that dwelt there ate well, werestrong and full of life. On the other side it was always gloomy. The grass struggled togrow and there were no flowers or trees, only barren rocks. The creatures that livedthere had a hard life.‘Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!’Bogamus the TrollBogamus was a troll, not a bad sort as trolls go. But then again “as trolls go” doesnot say much, most trolls are complete stinkers. Trolls are large (Bogamus was tenfeet tall), green skinned, bad tempered and have large bulbous noses and long pointyears. Their long, knobbly fingers stick out of scrawny hands, which are on the end oftheir long skinny, strong arms. They have hunched shoulders, a bent back and roundpotbellies. Their legs are thin and bony and they have wide feet with long curlytoenails. Bogamus was all these things although his temper was better than most andhe did have a nice smile.Like most trolls Bogamus lived under a bridge, a nice homely bridge that spannedthe river and nestled in the middle of the valley. The bridge was made of stone,arched in a humpback. Lichens and moss covered the smooth weather worn stones.The bridge looked as though it had been there for as long as the valley had existed orthe river had flowed.Bogamus looked down on the valley, the river that ran through it and, of course,his beloved bridge. Being so high up they had all seemed very small. But now theyseemed to be getting larger. Bogamus was falling.‘Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!’

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Even in the Magical Realm trolls are misunderstood creatures. When a troll findsa bridge he cherishes it and protects it. Bogamus, being a good troll, guarded hisbridge day and night and stopped anyone from crossing it. (Would you want anyonewalking over your home?) Trolls have amazingly good hearing. Even when asleepthey can hear the footsteps of anyone approaching their bridge. What is more ifBogamus heard anyone approaching he would climb out from under his bridge andshout out in his best troll voice:‘Bogamus the Troll am I.With a fee-foe-fie.2Bogamus and the Three Billy Goats GruffThis bridge don’t come near.Or I’ll tear off your left ear.I’ll gnaw your right arm.To your belly I’ll do harm.So keep well away.If you want to see another day.’All those who heard Bogamus’s fearsome chant would steer well away from thebridge. Bogamus, who was really quite a nice sort of troll, would never actually tearoff anyone’s ear or do any of the other things. But as a troll it was his duty to guardthe bridge and to shout out his warning. It was what trolls did.The river was getting quite large now and heading straight for Bogamus.Splosh-slosh-wulosh-sloshblosh-slosh-splush-slosh-loshslosh-wulosh-slosh-bloshslosh-splush-slosh-losh.The river was swift flowing, so much so that none of the creatures could crossfrom one side to the other. (Except for the birds, insects and fairies who can all fly.)The only way to cross the river was Bogamus’s bridge. But Bogamus, who dearlyloved his bridge, would not let anyone or anything cross his bridge.Nobody knew why Bogamus lived under a bridge when a troll could quite easilybuild a fine house in one of the nicest places in the valley. Maybe it was to catch thefish that swam in the river? But Bogamus did not really like fish. If you asked himwhy he lived under a bridge he would say, ‘It’s because that’s where trolls live.’ Ifyou then asked him why trolls live under bridges he would say, ‘Well we’ve got tolive somewhere. I mean, who ever heard of a troll living in a bungalow?’‘Blub-a-bloob-a-wub-blub-abloob-a-wub-blub-a-bloob-awub-a-bloob-a-wub-blub-a-3Bogamus the Trollbloob-a-wub-blub-a-bloob.’Bogamus was sinking in the river. He moved his arms and kicked his legs, tryingto get back to the surface. If he could get to the shore then he might be able to get

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back to his bridge. But no matter how hard he swam it was all he could do to stayafloat.How had a powerful troll like Bogamus been sent flying through the air to land inthe river? Which of the creatures in the valley had done this? Was it a trick by thegnomes? Or more trouble from the goblins? Maybe a pack of wolves had chased himoff his bridge? Perhaps a powerful wizard had cast a spell on Bogamus?Was it any of these that had sent Bogamus flying? No. It was goats, three goatsto be precise.Bogamus gave up trying to swim and instead just floated and let the river take himout of the valley. As he floated he thought to himself, “How did three goats send meflying off my bridge?”At the beginning of the day three goat brothers were living on the barren side ofthe valley. They were called Fydor Gruff, Mydor Gruff and Bydor Gruff: the threebilly goats Gruff. Fydor was the smallest, lightest and nimblest of the three brothers.Mydor was a medium sized goat, and the most intelligent of the three. Lastly Bydorwas the largest and strongest goat.It was a hard existence for the three goat brothers on the barren side of the valley.They had to spend all day searching for food among the rocks and had no time to play.They could see the fair side of the valley and longed to cross the river and feast on thegreen grass there. However, they knew all about Bogamus and the warning heshouted to all who approached his bridge.The three billy goats Gruff each had a plan to get past Bogamus and cross overthe bridge.4Bogamus and the Three Billy Goats GruffFydor knew that while Bogamus had very sensitive hearing it would be easier tosneak across the bridge while the troll slept. If he could get up early enough and creepin absolute silence then perhaps he could get across while Bogamus lay asleep.That morning Fydor got out of bed even before the sun was up. He packed histhings and clip-clopped over to the bridge. When he was some way off he could hearBogamus snoring beneath the bridge. Even so he was careful to approach the bridgeas quietly as he could. He reached the bridge and crept forward, stepping on the softmosses where his hooves would make no noise. After his first step on the bridge hestood quite still to check that Bogamus was still asleep.On the other side of the valley three birds were perched in a tree, tweeting at eachother. The wind blew along the valley, rustling the grass. Two squirrels were lookingaround, waiting for the first glimpse of morning sunshine. Beneath the bridgeBogamus snored.Fydor advanced a few more paces, carefully keeping his hooves on the quiet,mossy parts of the bridge. Fydor was still worried about the troll. He stopped againto check that the troll was still sleeping. The birds were now hopping from branch tobranch, trying to get a better view of Fydor crossing the bridge. The wind still rustledthe grass. The squirrels flicked their bushy tails as the first rays of sunshine warmedand tickled them. Beneath the bridge Bogamus kept snoring.

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Fydor was relieved, he was nearly half way across the bridge. Maybe this wasgoing to be easier than he had first thought. Relaxing a little he took another stepforward. But one of his rear hooves slipped on the moss, still damp with morningdew. The hoof screeched across the bare stones and it was all Fydor could do to stophimself falling over. With his heart racing Fydor steadied himself and listened.The birds were getting excited about the goat crossing the bridge and weretweeting all the louder. The wind was still rustling the grasses but now it was alsowhistling under the bridge. The squirrels, who were too busy to see Fydor, startedchasing each other in the morning sunshine. Fydor wished that they would all keepquiet; they might wake the troll up. Fydor could hear Bogamus rolling around in themud beneath the bridge and muttering to himself.‘Whar-es-it? Whar-es-it? Is someone there?’5Bogamus the TrollFydor dared not breath for fear that Bogamus would get up to see what the noisewas. Fydor strained his ears and listened.‘Whar-es-it? Uhhmm. Narfing. Mmmmmmnnnnnn.’Soon Bogamus was once more snoring. Relieved Fydor quickly and quietlyfinished crossing the bridge. Once he was over he turned a somersault to celebrateand began eating breakfast by munching on the juicy grass and enjoying the morningsun.Mydor woke up as his younger brother was crossing the bridge. He was too largeand too noisy to creep over the bridge and besides Bogamus would soon be awake.Mydor would have to find another way.It was around lunchtime when Mydor, hungry from a fruitless morning searchingfor food, approached the bridge. Bogamus had noticed Fydor somersaulting on thefair side of the valley and was not sure whether the smallest goat was on the correctside of the valley.When he saw Mydor approach Bogamus roared his usual warning:‘Bogamus the Troll am I.With a fee-foe-fie.This bridge don’t come near.Or I’ll tear off your left ear.I’ll gnaw your right arm.To your belly I’ll do harm.So keep well away.If you want to see another day.’Mydor approached the bridge with a wry smile on his face. His smaller brother’splan had worked, now he would get to try out his own plan.‘Halt! You may not pass,’ growled Bogamus in his most scary troll voice.‘My response shall be in verse.Why may I not this bridge traverse?’Said Mydor who, being so clever, always talked in rhyme.‘Because this is my bridge and I say so,’ Bogamus told him.

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6Bogamus and the Three Billy Goats Gruff‘From the other side I came this morn,while crossing I heard you yawn.Not wishing to disturb your rest,to continue across I thought best.Of this side, I tire,to return, I aspire.’Bogamus wasn’t sure whether this was true or not. He had heard something orsomeone creeping around early that morning. Could that have been this goat?‘If stopping me is your intentionthen, it seems to me,that I should not be,allowed to pass in the opposite direction.’Bogamus looked confused by this, but the clever goat continued.‘When passing this way upon the mornyour voice should have bellowed to warn.Preventing passage thither,to stand among these grasses wither.’‘Er … yeah,’ said Bogamus who was having difficulty keeping up with thisexceedingly bright goat.‘Belonging on the other side,of this river which runs wide.I should not be made to dilly-dally,in this part of the valley.’This was indeed true, Bogamus knew that if the goat belonged on the other side ofthe valley then it was his trollish duty to keep him there.‘But I can fix this mixwe find ourselves betwixt.If you could stand aside,over this bridge I would stride.Then all would be as it wereand none would need to err.’7Bogamus the Troll‘Are you sure that came from the other side this morning?’‘Well I stand here on hoof,which must count as proof.’Bogamus scratched his head and thought hard about what he had heard.Eventually he said, ‘Well I suppose so. I mean we can’t have goats on the wrong sideof the valley can we? You had better cross.’‘If you say so,then across I will go.’Mydor clip-clopped over the bridge. When he got to the other side he danced a

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jig, found his younger brother and started to enjoy his lunch of fresh, green grass.Bydor was the largest and strongest of the three goats. He was not as clever asMydor or as sneaky as Fydor but his brute force more than made up for this. His planinvolved waiting until the evening. It was not easy for him watching his youngerbrothers enjoying the grass while he struggled to find anything to eat. His stomachgrowled and rumbled as the day wore on. However, he knew that he had to wait untilthe sun was close to setting before he could hatch his plan.When the sun was low in the sky it would just shine a little along the length of thevalley and provide some light to the barren side. Bydor positioned himself so that hestood between the setting sun and the bridge causing his shadow to grow long andmaking him seem to be a truly massive goat.Bydor rapped his hooves on the stony ground sending a clattering sound echoingalong the valley. He bellowed and roared with all his might. The clattering androaring and bellowing echoed around filling the valley with the sounds of not one goatbut of a thousand angry goats.Bogamus tried to cover his ears and rub his eyes only to find that he couldn’t doboth at once. He could not believe what was happening. Fydor has mysteriouslyappeared on the good side of the valley and Bogamus did not know why. Then Mydorhad come up with some complex and dubious reason why he should be allowed topass over the bridge. Judging by what he could hear and see, he was now faced by anarmy of a thousand enraged goats.8Bogamus and the Three Billy Goats GruffWhen he was sure that he had Bogamus’s attention Bydor lowered his head andclattered his horns on the rocky ground, pounded his hooves one more time and let outa final mighty bellow down the length of the valley. Before the final echo had diedaway he had started to charge towards the confused troll.Poor Bogamus didn’t even get time to shout out his warning. Bydor’s hornsbuffeted Bogamus off the bridge just as Bogamus was trying to leap out of the way ofthe approaching goat army.By time Bydor had crossed the bridge Bogamus was caught in the fast river,screaming for all he was worth and floating away from the bridge, the goats and out ofthe valley.The three billy goats Gruff did a dance to celebrate their victory and then all threemunched on the green grass of their new home.But this was not the end for Bogamus. Why don’t we follow him as he driftsdown the river and see what happens to him?9Bogamus and the KnightBogamus did not meet his end with a prang from a billy goat’s horn. Instead hefloated down the river feeling more shame than pain. As a mighty troll he should nothave been sneaked, tricked and scared by three goats. A pack of wolves or a pride ofterrifying lions might be able to get the better of a troll, but goats should not havebeen a problem. How could he ever face his fellow trolls again?

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While he was pondering these and other troll matters he drifted into some reeds.He was struggling to free himself when he felt a sharp poke in his back.‘Halt vermin and declare yourself,’ boomed a well-spoken voice from behind him.Slowly Bogamus turned around to see a knight on horseback wearing armour(which in Bogamus’s opinion had seen better days) and pointing a long stick with asharp point at him.Bogamus’s reaction was instinctive. He stuck his thumbs in his ears, wiggled hisfingers and stuck his tongue out with a rasp. Now a knight’s horse is trained forwarfare. When faced with terrifying circumstances it does not flinch or tremor.Unfortunately the knight was less well trained. He screamed in fright and fell off theback of the horse, leaving his lance, for that’s the proper name of the knight’s longstick, pointing up in the air. The horse glared at Bogamus.‘What do you mean poking me with that stick? Do you know what kind of a dayI’ve had?’ shouted Bogamus using his best enraged-troll voice.‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ pleaded the knight. ‘You see it is my job to patrol this landand keep it safe for the twelve damsels.’‘The damsels?’‘Yes, they live near here. I’m a knight, and a knight’s job is to protect his landfrom things such as goblins, ogres, dragons and ... er … well, trolls. In return for thisprotection the damsels should reward their knight handsomely.’‘So you spend your time prodding innocent trolls like me because of thesedamsels do you?’‘Well no, you see the knight before me did the job too well and scared off all themonsters. There hasn’t been any trouble here for years. The twelve damsels take me10Bogamus and the Knightfor granted and I do not get any reward. Instead they spend all their time working onthe farm and never pay any attention to me. I mean my armour is in such a state thatit’s a disgrace.’‘It is quite smudgy,’ agreed Bogamus. ‘Why don’t you clean it?’‘A knight is not supposed to clean his own armour. A knight should wear hisarmour and look dazzling when doing so.’At that moment a woman’s voice could be heard approaching. ‘Knight! Knight!Where are you knight?’‘It is one of the damsels. I cannot be seen talking to a troll, quick you had besthide in the reeds.’Bogamus was curious. He wanted to find out more and so he happily burrowedhis way into the reeds and hid. Buried in the reeds his eyes peered out and his earstwitched as he listened. He could see and hear what happened, but could not be seen.A young woman wearing a bright pink dress stretching from her feet to her neckand a matching pink hat that was tall and shaped like an upside down ice cream conewalked up to the riverbank. Pink ribbons trailed from the top of her hat. ‘Ah! Thereyou are knight,’ said the damsel (who Bogamus later learned was called Deirdre).‘One of the poles holding up our clothesline has broken. Hand over your lance as a

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replacement until we can get another made.’‘But I need this to protect the land,’ responded the knight.‘Don’t give me that,’ snapped Deirdre. ‘The land will be perfectly safe with orwithout your lance. You will just have to make do. Now hand it over.’‘Oh, very well fair damsel.’ The knight handed his lance over to Deirdre.‘Thank-you.’ Deirdre turned to leave. ‘By the way knight, your armour is indreadful condition. You should get it cleaned.’After a moment the knight said, ‘It is all clear. You can come out now.’Bogamus emerged from the reeds in an even muckier state than was normal forhim. Bogamus had a wry smile and said, ‘I have an idea.’The following day the damsels were going about their business. They all wore thelong dresses and the tall hats that Deirdre had worn the day before. However, to allow11Bogamus the Trolleasy identification, each damsel wore a different colour. Deirdre wore pink,Samantha wore lime green, Elizabeth wore violet, Bethany wore orange and so on.Some were studying plans of the farm and working out which crops to plant where,others were busy carefully filing the plans and calculating how many seeds should besown to grow enough food for all the damsels, one was carving a replacement pole forthe clothes line, a group of damsels were building a rowing boat out of wood, whileanother group were working in the forge making tools. The knight rode on his horsearound the busy damsels. The damsels did their best to avoid and ignore the knight.Suddenly one of the damsels called Beatrice, who wore a navy blue dress and hat,emerged from some nearby woods screaming. ‘Help! Help! There’s a troll in thewoods. Help! Help!’‘Have no fear fair damsel,’ called the knight, ‘I shall hasten to your rescue.’ Theknight spurred the horse towards the commotion waving his sword in circles above hishead and shouting ‘Tally-Ho!’Right on cue Bogamus emerged from the woods a safe distance behind Beatrice.His thumbs were pressed to his ears, his fingers were waggling, his tongue was stuckout and he was rasping for all he was worth. He chased after Beatrice but made surethat he never quite caught her up. The other eleven damsels all screamed in unison,dropped their things and ran for safety, with their hands clutched around their ears.The knight advanced towards Bogamus waving his sword in circles over his head.‘Be gone foul beast and trouble this land no more.’Bogamus took one look at the advancing knight on his horse and immediatelyturned and started running away. He made a good show of flailing his arms over hishead as he fled towards the woods. All the damsels got a good view of him beingchased by the knight.Once Bogamus and the knight were in the safety of the woods and out of sightthey stopped. Catching his breath the knight said, ‘Thank-you Bogamus. I mustreturn to the damsels. I will meet you by the river later as agreed.’ Bogamus noddedand wandered off into the woods to do whatever it is that trolls do in woods. Theknight had business to attend to.

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12Bogamus and the KnightWhen the knight emerged from the woods, it was to a very different receptionthan he was used to.‘Thank-you so much Sir Knight,’ said Beatrice. ‘How can I ever repay you?’‘I need no reward, I am just glad that no harm came to you or any of the otherdamsels,’ responded the knight.‘But surely there is something that I could do for you,’ insisted Beatrice.‘Well, you could return my lance,’ suggested the knight.‘I will see to it at once. I will personally make sure that the tip and handle arecleaned, polished and shiny.’‘Very kind fair damsel.’Later Bogamus and the knight met at the reeds. They both agreed that the day hadgone very well.‘Do you have any bridges around here?’ asked Bogamus.‘I don’t think so,’ said the knight. ‘In fact the damsels are having to build arowing boat so that they can cross the river. I guess that there aren’t any bridgesnearby.’‘Oh,’ said Bogamus looking disappointed.‘Why are you looking for a bridge?’ said the knight.‘Every troll needs a bridge. A bridge is a troll’s home. I don’t have a bridgeanymore. I need to find a new one to make my home.’‘What will you do if you cannot find one around here?’ asked the knight.‘I guess that I’ll have to keep travelling along the river until I find one.’‘You cannot swim all the way along the river. How are you going to travel?’Bogamus shrugged.‘We’ll do the same tomorrow then?’ said the knight.Bogamus nodded.The following day a young damsel called Jasmine, who wore a yellow dress andhat, was out sawing wood for the rowing boat. Bogamus jumped out from theundergrowth. He pressed both his thumbs to his ears, wiggled his fingers and rasped13Bogamus the Trollhis tongue in the usual fashion. Bogamus bounced forward. Right on cue Jasmineleapt up, clasped her hands around her ears and started screaming. Bogamus had tojump around in front of her rasping furiously for a few moments before Jasmine gother wits together and started to flee. She ran out of the woods screaming for all shewas worth.‘Tally-ho!’ cried the knight and spurred his horse to Jasmine's rescue. The knightadvanced towards Bogamus who, as per their arrangement, immediately fled backtowards the safety of the woods. Once the knight had finished chasing Bogamus awayhe turned back to Jasmine to check that his endeavours were having the desired effect.‘I trust that all is well fair damsel,’ said the knight.‘Thank-you for rescuing me brave Sir Knight. Is there anything that you would

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like as reward for your gallant rescue?’ responded Jasmine.‘Why, no fair damsel, it is enough to know that you are safe from peril and thatthe fiend has been driven away.’‘Surely there is something that I could do for you? Why perhaps I could polishyour shield. If I may be so bold brave Sir Knight it does look in need of a clean,’offered Jasmine.‘Verily ’tis true, you may clean my shield. My thanks to you fair damsel.’The knight unstrapped his shield from his arm and offered it to Jasmine whoeagerly took it away.Later that day the knight was re-united with his shield. It was polished toperfection and, reflecting the afternoon sun, sparkled brightly.And so the pattern continued. Bogamus would surprise one of the damsels andthe knight would shout ‘tally-ho’ and ride forth to rescue her. Once he had scaredaway the troll, the knight would return to the grateful damsels. The damsels soonstopped ignoring the knight. Instead they would greet him saying ‘Good morning SirKnight’ or (if he was particularly lucky) ‘Brave Sir Knight’. So grateful for theirtimely rescue were the damsels that they would invariably offer to polish some part ofhis armour. Indeed all twelve of the damsels seemed quite keen to polish the knight’sarmour.14Bogamus and the KnightNow there are many parts to a knight’s armour and they often have unusualnames. A knight’s gloves are called ‘gauntlets’, his hat a ‘helmet’. What is more hislegs are covered by ‘greaves’ instead of trousers and his shirt is called a ‘hauberk’.These are strange names to be sure, but these are the proper words and using theproper word is very important to a knight.After a few rescues the damsels inundated their ‘Brave Sir Knight’ with offers toclean and polish his armour. Bethany offered to polish his gauntlets, Miranda offeredto clean his helmet, Annabel cleaned his greaves and, after some fuss, Rachel got topolish his hauberk and Harriet his sword. Before too long every part of the knightgleamed and sparkled in the sunlight.Now if the damsels had a chief then it was Delores. You could tell that she wastheir chief as she wore a dress, hat and ribbons made of a deep red cloth which hadgolden thread woven around the edges. It looked very special indeed. Furthermoreall the other damsels curtseyed and called her ‘Ma'am’ whenever they spoke to her.Delores had called a meeting with the knight. Bogamus had a feeling that somethingwas about to change.‘Brave Sir Knight,’ she begun, ‘it is true that you have chased off this dreadfultroll on many occasions and have saved all of us fair damsels from his clutches.However, we must now be free of this menace once and for all. I put it to you that asa knight charged with the protection of us fair damsels, you must kill this troll!’This instruction sent a shiver down the knight’s back. He had not become aknight so that he would have to kill anyone. He wanted to ride around on his horse,wear shiny armour and receive the admiration of the fair damsels. The thought of

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killing anyone or even the sight of blood made the knight turn pale. Blood was dirtystuff and would ruin the shine on his armour. But Delores, the chief damsel, hadinstructed him to kill Bogamus. What choice did he have?All he could say was, ‘Of course I will. For the sake of you and the many fairdamsels threatened by this terrible menace.’15Bogamus the TrollLater the knight and Bogamus met to discuss the situation. By dawn they hadagreed a plan so that nobody would get hurt and the knight could keep his armourclean.Once again Bogamus was found chasing after a damsel. His thumbs were in hisears, his fingers were waggling and his tongue was rasping. The damsel wasscreaming for help at the top of her voice and running away as fast as her legs couldcarry her.The knight geed his horse into hot pursuit and shouted ‘Tally-ho’. (Since the firstrescue the horse had made it clear that he did not appreciate being spurred.) Hepointed his lance at Bogamus as he charged after him. A couple of times he almostpranged Bogamus’s behind with the tip of the lance. The knight chased Bogamusaround the damsels’ settlement, smashing through the chicken house, crashing aroundthe storeroom (scattering the farm plans across the floor), blasting through the woodyard where the damsels had only just finished making the rowing boat and awaytowards the river.As soon as Bogamus reached the river he dived in headfirst and swam underwater(whatever you may say about trolls they are good swimmers). When he reached thereeds he stayed underwater with only his eyes, ears and nose popping up above thesurface so that he could see, hear and breathe. Eventually the damsels caught up withthe knight.‘Fair damsels I have vanquished the foul troll that has been menacing your lives.I chased him into the river where he drowned,’ declared the knight.The damsels (who did not know how well trolls can swim) were very impressedby this.‘Oh Brave Sir Knight, you have saved us all from the terror of the beastly troll,’cooed the damsels in unison.‘So it would seem,’ said Delores. ‘But where is the body of the vile troll?’‘Drowned and drifting down river no doubt,’ said the knight.‘Very well then, what would you have as your reward Brave Sir Knight?’16Bogamus and the Knight‘Why that fine rowing boat that you fair damsels have been crafting these pastfew weeks,’ requested the knight.After some discussion it was agreed that, as the troll must have drowned, theknight could have the rowing boat. This disappointed some of the damsels, apparentlythey had wanted to polish his armour some more. But Delores was clear that therewould be no more polishing. The knight would get the rowing boat as a reward. The

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damsels would have to make a second boat.All of the damsels worked together to move the rowing boat from the workshop tothe river. When it was floating on the river and safely secured the damsels allreturned to the house to celebrate the drowning of the troll. They even invited theknight to join them.Later that evening the knight sneaked out of the celebrations, climbed on his horseand rode down to the river. There in the reeds he found Bogamus.‘It looks like you had better go. Thanks for all you have done. From now on thedamsels will treat me as a knight of honour.’‘That’s all right,’ replied Bogamus. ‘Happy to have helped.’‘Here is the boat as we agreed. A more comfortable way to travel down river thatfloating.’Bogamus nodded.‘If you come this way again then do pop in. Just take care not to be seen by thedamsels. You are supposed to have been drowned.’Bogamus agreed that he would and climbed into the rowing boat. It had beenmade to carry four people at a time, but was just the right size for one troll. Hegrabbed the oars and started to row downstream, leaving the knight behind him.As Bogamus rowed away the knight waved good-bye.And that is how it would have ended but just a moment later Delores arrived.‘Waving at the water lilies are we knight?’ said Delores startling the knight whowas still waving to a now distant Bogamus.17Bogamus the Troll‘Well ... er ... no ... er ... just, er, out for an evening troll, I mean stroll,’ replied theknight.‘Well now that this troll business is all sorted out we can put you to better use.There is a field near the woods that needs ploughing. You and your horse can see tothat tomorrow morning.’‘Neeeeigh!’ said the horse but his complaint was lost on both Delores and theknight.‘But my armour will get smudgy again.’‘Well never mind about that, we need the field ploughed.’‘But I liked being a knight. How will I get my armour cleaned if I have to ploughfields instead of fighting monsters?’‘You will just have to do it yourself, or get your horse to help you.’‘Neigh, neigh!’ But alas the poor horse was ignored again. Delores gave thehorse a glare. She had her suspicions that this creature was not nearly as dumb as itlooked. Quite likely it was more intelligent that the knight.‘Why do I have to do ploughing? I liked being a knight. Why can’t I be aknight?’‘Well, you could, so long as that field gets ploughed tomorrow morning as well.’‘So you do need a knight?’‘Not now the troll has gone. I trust that the troll has been dealt with?’

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‘Yes, you won’t be seeing him again.’‘Well in that case you could still be a knight. Just make sure that you and yourhorse do the ploughing.’‘Neigh, neigh, neigh!’ But the poor horse’s complaints were ignored once moreand both the knight and his horse had to get used to a life of ploughing, guardingagainst creatures that would never arrive and, of course, smudgy armour.18Bogamus in the WoodsBogamus rowed down the river, which was gradually broadening. He was stillfeeling gloomy. The adventure with the knight had cheered him up a bit but he stillfelt ashamed of being buffeted off his bridge by the three billy goats Gruff. Back inhis home valley he would always be known as the troll who was beaten by three goats,even if one of the goats was unusually sneaky, another uncommonly intelligent andthe third a brute. He would have to find a new bridge to make his home. But thefurther he rowed downstream the nearer he got to leaving the Magical Realm anddrifting into the real world. Bogamus did not like the thought of entering the realworld. The real world was full of people and buildings and machines and had noplace for trolls. Not even a good-natured troll with a nice smile. Where could hemake his new home?The river flowed into a small wood with tall trees growing on either bank. As herowed along a high pitched, chirping voice sprang out from the evening shadowsacross the river.‘Well there’s a sight I never did see.A troll in a boat, tee-hee-hee.’Then from further along the bank another voice seemed to come from a cluster ofdragonflies.‘From under bridge to over stream.A long journey, it would seem.Near to far, yet far from home.I’ll wager he’s tired of being alone.’Now a third voice joined, this time from behind the boat.‘What big eyes you have Mr. Troll. Can you see us?’‘No you can’t!’ responded a shrill chorus from all around.Indeed Bogamus could not see who was speaking. He couldn’t see any people oranimals, just dragonflies buzzing around in the evening sunlight.‘What a big nose you have Mr. Troll. Can you smell us?’‘No you can’t!’ the chorus chirped again.19Bogamus the TrollBogamus was getting tired of this. He had been cheated by goats and was notgoing to be taunted by invisible voices.‘What big ears you have Mr. Troll. Can you hear us?’‘Yes you can!’ responded the chorus, this time breaking into laughter sending tiny‘tee-hees’ fluttering into the evening air.

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At that moment there was an enormous banging and crashing sound from insidethe woods. All the tiny voices started to scream and Bogamus saw that even thedragonflies were scattering. Bogamus panicked and dived into the murky waters ofthe river, leaving only his eyes, ears and nose above the water. His boat floatednearby.The crashing and booming came closer. Boagmus could hear the sound ofbranches being cracked and trees being uprooted. Something massive was comingnearer. Bogamus could not believe his eyes when two legs the size of tree trunkscame to the edge of the river. A loud, deep voice boomed out across the woods andthe river.‘Whose been meddling in my woods? Come out so that I can see ya.’A giant! He was as tall as trees and much stronger. Bogamus stayed underwaterand hoped that the giant would not spot him.‘Ah! A boat. I’ll use that as a sugar bowl and those two oars will make finetoothpicks.’With that an enormous hand reached down and picked up Bogamus’s boat and thetwo oars. Seemingly happy that whoever had been meddling in his woods had gonethe giant turned around and crashed and bashed his way back into the woods.Bogamus stayed underwater with his eyes, ears and nose just poking above thesurface. He wanted to see what the voices did next. He didn’t have to wait long.‘Has the giant gone?’‘Yes, I think so. It should be safe to come out now.’‘What about the troll? Did the giant get him?’‘I’m not sure. I can’t see the troll, so maybe he did.’ Bogamus smiled to himself,this time the voices could not see him.‘If he got taken by the giant then he’ll be in a troll lot of trouble.’20Bogamus in the Woods‘Don’t joke, this is serious. The giant has been here for a whole week. He hasscared all the humans away. They no longer come to the woods for us to play japesand tricks on them.’‘To lead them astray in our woods, soon lost in changing paths.’‘Or we appear before a human child, our wings fluttering. They will always knowthey saw us, but will never be believed.’ The voices seemed to take delight in this.‘But all of this will end soon with the giant in the woods! Soon the villagers willcall these the Giant’s Woods and not the Fairy Woods.’Fairies! Of all magic creatures fairies are the most magical. They are able to hidefrom a creature of the real world, such as you or I, if they so wish. The only magic agiant has is being big. With that little magic most people would be able to see themwith little effort. No mater how magical you are it is difficult to hide when you are astall as trees. Fairies are more difficult to detect and can only be seen by real people ifthe fairies want them to. But all magical creatures can, if they put their minds to it,see other magical creatures. The giant could have seen the fairies if only he hadknown where to look and could have seen Bogamus if he were not hiding in the

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murky waters of the river. All Bogamus had to do was change the way he looked atthings in order to see the fairies.Bogamus had a long hard stare at one of the dragonflies. It had wings, such asdragonflies have, and a head, as does a dragonfly, and legs, again just like a dragonfly.But dragonflies have six legs and these creatures only had two. There were arms aswell, slender arms with delicate fingers on their hands. What is more the head wasnot a grotesque insect head but had the graceful features of a tiny human being withlong flowing hair. If he looked carefully the wings were not insect wings but magicalwings that fluttered with all the colours of the rainbow. They were not dragonflies.They were fairies in disguise! Bogamus listened to the fairy voices.‘And if the humans forget that these are the Fairy Woods then they might forgetthat fairies dwell here. They might stop believing in fairies, and we all know whatthat will mean.’‘No, no, that must not happen,’ the fairies cried in unison.‘Why don’t we move to another wood?’21Bogamus the Troll‘We can’t. We are the fairies of the Fairy Woods. These are the Fairy Woods andhere we must stay. If we leave the Fairy Woods then we would lose our magic and beforever stuck as dragonflies.’‘Then we must find a way to rid these woods of the giant.’‘But how can we get such a terrible giant to move away?’At this point Bogamus emerged from the river. He had had enough of hidingunderwater and had heard all he needed to hear about the giant. As he emerged thefairies cooed and fluttered away.‘Well if you fairies cannot move him then I guess that I will have to. Besides Ineed my boat back.’Bogamus strode off into the wood leaving the fairies by the river. Bogamus was alarge troll, but the giant was many times bigger. Even so Bogamus thought he had aplan for getting rid of the giant. He was going to trick the giant just as one of thegoats had tricked him. He would make the giant agree to go away, leaving the woodsto the Fairies and the boat to Bogamus.Following the giant took little skill. The giant had broken branches and knockeddown trees as he trampled around the woods. Bogamus thought that if the giantstayed here too long then there would not be much of the woods left, just piles ofbroken branches and uprooted trees.Bogamus found the giant sat in a clearing, surrounded by broken trees. He wasusing one of the oars to remove massive chunks of food from between his colossal,dirty, crooked teeth.Bogamus strode into the giant’s clearing with a big, beaming smile on his face.‘Congratulations sir,’ said Bogamus with his arms outstretched. ‘You are a luckywinner.’‘Wot you mean troll?’ growled the giant. ‘Wot ‘ave I won?’‘Why, you are this year’s “Giant of the Year” winner. The judges were

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particularly impressed by your, er.’ Bogamus paused, what made one giant better thananother? ‘Um ... bashing and crashing.’22Bogamus in the Woods‘Well, I have always been good at bashin’ things.’ The giant picked up a treetrunk lying next to him. ‘Would you like me to show you?’‘Oh, no, no, no, no, no, that will not be necessary. I mean just look around you.Anyone can see plenty of evidence of some quality bashing and crashing.’ Indeed thegiant must have knocked over at least fifty trees to make the clearing. ‘Hmmm, yesthis is some of the best bashing and crashing that I have ever seen.’‘Well, what do I win as “Giant of the Year” then?’‘A free holiday. You are going to spend two weeks in a picturesque valley highup in the mountains. You will enjoy the clean mountain air, spectacular views and thefamous mountain food.’‘What’s that?’‘Why goat of course. All the goat that you can ...’‘Eurggggh! Don’t like goat. It’s all stringy. What else is there to eat?’Bogamus hadn’t expected this. He had never heard that a giant could be a fussyeater. ‘Well, er, if you don’t like goat then I’m sure there’s lots of other things to eat.It’s a lovely picturesque valley just waiting for you to bash and crash your way alongit.’‘Hmmmmm. ‘Ow come I’ve never heard of this “Giant of the Year” award then?’‘Oh it’s a new thing. The erm,’ Bogamus had to think, who would give prizes togiants? ‘The Glorious Group for the Growth and Greater Good of Giants created itearlier this year.’‘The “Glorious” what?’‘The Glorious Group for the Growth and Greater Good of Giants, also known asthe GGGGGG.’ Bogamus strained his smile a little further.‘Never heard of it and I’ve been a giant for ages. Besides what’s a troll doinghanding out prizes to giants?’‘Erm ...’ lying was proving to be difficult. ‘I’m part of an, er, exchangeprogramme with the TTTTTT. The Troupe of Tremendous Trolls Trying to ThwartTrouble.’‘Rubbish, you’re making it up.’‘I assure you that both the GGGGGG and the TTTTTT are …’23Bogamus the Troll‘What do you take me for? A fool!’ roared the giant. ‘Now git lost or I’ll giveyou a BBBBBB!’‘A what?’‘I’ll give you a Big Bang on your Bonce and Brutally Break your Bones. Now gitgone, Troll!’His plan foiled all Bogamus could think of doing was to shout, ‘Oi, giant!Yaaaaah!’ stick his thumbs in his ears, wiggle his fingers, and rasp his tongue for all

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he was worth. It was the scariest thing that Bogamus could think of, maybe it wouldwork on the giant.But the giant didn’t even bat an eyelid. ‘I said git lost troll. You thought youcould trick me, but you can’t. These are my woods and I’m staying here,’ growled thegiant. ‘Nobody can see me among these trees and I likes that.’Bogamus tried hopping from one foot to the other while still keeping his fingerswaggling and tongue rasping.‘Right, I warned ya! Now git lost.’ The giant started to get to his feet, revealinghis true height. Bogamus’s jaw dropped open in disbelief at the enormous size of thegiant. He was many times bigger and stronger than Bogamus was or ever would be.Bogamus turned and ran away, heading back down the path of beaten trees.Bogamus could hear the giant bellowing, ‘I’m coming to git ya and when I git yaI’m gonna eat ya.’ Bogamus screamed and ran even faster, barely looking where hewas going. Just his luck to find a giant who wouldn’t eat goat but seemed a bit tookeen to try troll instead. What he needed now was a LLLLLL, a “Lift to his LopeLetting him Lengthen his Lead and Leggit”. Failing that he would settle for anRRRRRR, a “Rapid Rush to Reliably Release him from this Rangy Ruffian”.As Bogamus dashed through the woods he didn’t have time to look where he wasgoing. While running past a particularly large oak tree he stumbled on a tree root andflew head over heals, landing on his back with a thud. Something dropped on his noseand started scampering about. Bogamus ignored this, he was far more concernedabout the giant.24Bogamus in the WoodsThe crashing footsteps of the giant approach. ‘Ho, ho, ho. Had a little fall ‘avewe. Now I’ve got ya. Let’s think what I can do with a naughty little troll like you.Try to trick me into leaving the woods did ya?’The giant loomed over Bogamus and glared down with a snarl on his face. Hebent down to get a closer look at his prey.‘Ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, o … o … o, oh. Ooooh. Oooooooh. Nasty little thing itis. Nasty little thing. Get it away from me. Ooooh, oooh, oh.’ The giant’s snarl haddisappeared. Instead his face had turned pink and he started hopping from one foot tothe other, prancing and pointing at Bogamus’s nose.Bogamus did not know what the giant was making a fuss about. He reached up tohis nose and grabbed the scampering thing that had landed there. A spider. He put iton the palm of his hand and reached up towards the giant.‘Is this what you mean?’ asked Bogamus.‘No! No! Get it away! I don’t want that nasty little thing. Get it away!’ Thegiant inched backwards, shielding his eyes from the spider with his enormous hands.Bogamus stood up holding the spider up as high as he could.‘Don’t you like spiders then?’ asked Bogamus.The giant squealed and hopped further away from Bogamus.‘No, they’re nasty little things. Horrible, horrible things. I detest them. Get itaway.’

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But Bogamus wouldn’t. Instead he held the spider up high and moved towardsthe giant.‘No! No! No! Take it away!’ cried the giant.‘Shan’t,’ replied Bogamus.The giant stopped, made a sort of groaning sound, then turned and fled into thewoods breaking branches and bashing trees as he went. Before too long Bogamus wasalone in the woods with just the spider for company. When Bogamus was happy thatthe giant had gone he carefully put the spider down, said ‘thank-you’ to it for savinghis life and headed back to the river.He doubted that the giant had fled the woods having seen a single spider. Thegiant would still need to be flushed out. But Bogamus had another plan and this one25Bogamus the Trollwas not going to fail. However, he was going to need the help of the fairies to get thisone to work.Bogamus ran back to the river where he found the fairies still disguised asdragonflies.‘Fairies!’ exclaimed Bogamus.‘Yes little troll,’ replied one of the fairies. This annoyed Bogamus, he did not likebeing called little by something that was only a few inches high.‘You fairies are magical creatures and can appear as dragonflies if you want to.’‘Indeed we are,’ replied one of the fairy voices.‘Can you appear as other creatures?’‘So long as we are within these woods we can appear as any creature you care tomention.’ As if to prove this claim one of the fairies turned itself into an eagle, manytimes the size of a fairy or a dragonfly. The eagle took off and soared along the river.Another turned into a tortoise and a third transformed into a goat.Bogamus winced at the sight of the goat, these fairies seemed to know too much.‘What about spiders?’ asked Bogamus.The giant had been shaken by the sight of the spider and was feeling a littlenervous. Nasty things with eight legs, they would creep and scamper all over theplace. He detested the things and, although he was ashamed to admit it, he was scaredof them. What was more there was a little troll loose in the woods who no doubt wasup to no good. The giant would have to patrol the woods and find this troll and dealwith him properly.From behind him the giant heard Bogamus calling out, ‘Coo-ee, over here Mr.Giant.’The giant turned and saw Bogamus grinning at him and waving. Immediately thegiant let out a growl and started to chase after Bogamus, who did not wait but turnedand ran down a path away from the giant. If the giant had not been so angry then hewould have noticed that Bogamus was not scared this time, although he was keen tokeep a good distance away from the giant just in case.26Bogamus in the Woods

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The giant ran down the path still fuming with rage, turned a corner, entered aclearing and stopped in his tracks. He let out a whining sort of sound. Everywhere helooked there were spiders. There were spiders on the leaves, spiders in the branches,spiders on the tree trunks, spiders on the ground and spiders crawling across silverywebs. There were spiders everywhere! There were large hairy spiders, brightlycoloured spiders, spiders with long spindly legs and spiders with strange markings.Some of the spiders were as big as cats or dogs. One seemed to have an orange eyedrawn on its back, another’s markings looked like a pair of red daggers. Intricatespiders webs clung to the trees and branches coating the edges of the clearing in amisty lace. When the giant burst into the clearing all of the spiders suddenly jumpedup and started fluttering in the air.Bogamus hoped that the giant would be too overcome with fear and dread torealise that spiders should not flutter. These were, of course, the fairies in magicaldisguise. The giant turned around and looking back where he had come from he sawthat the way back was blocked by even larger, even nastier spiders fluttering in thewoodland air.The giant let out a long, slow moan that grew into an enormous scream.‘Spiders! Everywhere! Oh-my-me. Spiders, there must be hundreds of them.’‘Thousands I would say. Maybe more,’ said Bogamus. ‘You know thatwoodlands make an ideal place for spiders to live. They must be everywhere: in thetrees, on the ground, even crawling up you leg.’‘Eurrgh. Get me out of here,’ yelled the giant. The fairies fluttered apartrevealing a spider-free exit from the clearing. On seeing this the giant started to runfor the exit and then through the forest causing the usual devastation as he went.‘After him fairies! Let’s make sure he leaves the woods for good,’ shoutedBogamus.Bogamus and all the fairies, who were still in their horrible spider disguises,chased after the giant. This was difficult as the giant was running as fast as his longlegs would carry him. But Bogamus had one last thing he wanted to do before thegiant left the woods.27Bogamus the TrollSoon the giant had reached the edge of the woods and stood there panting, gazingback at Bogamus and the approaching spiders.‘Don’t come any closer. I am leaving as fast as I can.’‘Just one little thing before you leave these woods,’ said Bogamus. ‘Please don’tgo thinking that spiders only exist in these woods. Why I bet that there are a dozenspiders crawling around beneath your feet right now.’ (If you try this yourself, pleaseremember that a giant’s foot is much larger than your own.)Gingerly the giant lifted up his right foot and examined the ground. Slowly hestarted counting spiders. ‘Arrgh, one. Arrgh, two. Arrgh, three.’ With each spiderhe counted the giant’s face turned paler and paler. By the time he got to twelve hisface was quite white.‘Oh-my-me they’re everywhere. Spiders! Everywhere!’ The giant backed off

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away from the woods, Bogamus and the disguised fairies. ‘Everywhere! Wherever Igo there are spiders!’ The giant stopped in his tracks and his expression turned to oneof dread and hopelessness. Suddenly he screamed ‘Spiders! Arrrghhh!’ and started torun away from the woods. After a short dash he stopped and looked at the groundaround him. A moment later he screamed ‘Spiders! Arrrghhh!’ again and set ofrunning further away from the woods. He stopped again, looked around again,screamed again and set off running even further away from the woods, from Bogamusand from the fairies.As Bogamus watched the giant move further away and get smaller and smaller theedges of his mouth turned up slightly. Gradually this grew into a smile and then abeaming grin. (Bogamus did have a nice smile, by troll standards that is.) Bogamusstarted to laugh. Just a little snigger at first, but soon he laughed a little louder andthen louder still. Soon Bogamus started to roar with laughter and rocked from side toside. Finally he laughed so loud that he fell over and curled up on the ground up infits of laughter. On seeing this, and knowing that the giant was now far away, thefairies started to change back into fairy shape. The fairies, who are very fond ofpranks, also found the fleeing giant funny and started to laugh as well. Soon thewhole group was rolling around in uncontrollable laughter. They were SSSSSS,“Smiling and Shaking at the Surprising Success of their Spider Stunt”, whenever they28Bogamus in the Woodsthought about the FFFFFF, the “Fitting Finish that had Freed the Fairies from aFearful Fate”. They GGGGGG’d, “Guffawed at the Great Grievance Given to theGrotesque Giant” and went BBBBBB, “Blissfully Barmy at how they BrilliantlyBested the Big Brute”.After some searching the fairies were able to find Bogamus’s boat in the woodsand, with a bit of fairy magic, helped Bogamus move it back to the river. Althoughone of the oars had been used as a giant’s toothpick it was not in too bad conditionand could still be used to row the boat. Thankfully the giant had not been able to findany sugar in the woods to put in the boat.‘Thank-you so much for your help,’ said one of the fairies as Bogamus preparedto leave. ‘Now that the giant is gone I am sure that the local villagers will soon returnand will continue to call these the Fairy Woods for many years to come.’‘I hope so,’ said Bogamus who would much rather have woods filled with fairiesthan giants. Bogamus quite liked being the biggest creature around. ‘I don’t supposethere are any bridges around here?’‘Bridges? I don’t think so,’ replied one of the fairies. ‘We have fairy wings andflutter wherever we want.’Bogamus frowned, but he had to agree that the fairies had no use for a bridge.‘Where are you going now?’ asked another fairy.‘Wherever the river takes me,’ replied Bogamus as he pushed his boat out into theriver. ‘I’m looking for a bridge to live under. I will have to keep travelling until Ifind one.’‘Well take care, the further you travel the nearer you get to the real world. The

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people of the real world have no place for fairy magic or magical creatures like trolls.’‘I will,’ replied Bogamus.‘And if you ever need any help then you only need to ask us.’Bogamus said that he would remember this and started to row away from thewoods, its fairy inhabitants and down the widening river.29Bogamus the TrollI bet you are all wondering what became of the giant. Did he ever find a placewith no spiders? The truth is you can find spiders almost everywhere on Earth and hehad to run an awfully long way before he found a place with none at all. But wherecould he find a place so desolate that there were no spiders? He tried the tops ofmountains, the middle of deserts and even the bottom of wells. But he found spidersin all these places. There were no spiders in the sea but the water made his skinwrinkle which he didn’t like either. Eventually he travelled to the North Pole.Although he found it very cold there he could finally stop running as there are nospiders at the North Pole. The last I heard, he was still there.30Bogamus in PelinaBogamus rowed further along the river. The river continued to broaden andstarted to flow faster and faster as it travelled nearer to the real world. He didn’t wantto reach the real world, not just yet anyway. He might still be able to find a goodtrollish bridge in the Magical Realm. It was a fine sunny day and Bogamus felt likestretching his legs. So he rowed the boat to the riverbank, tied the boat to a tree stumpand started to amble along the riverbank.As Bogamus wandered along he smiled and waved at the otters, water rats andother creatures that inhabited the riverbank. He was wary of humans though and hidwhenever he saw one. Living so close to the real world most people had little or nomagic in them. As a result many of them would not be able to see him. They wouldjust pass him by, unaware of the ten foot tall green troll with long arms, a big nose anda nice smile that was just inches away from them. However, there were still somehumans with a little magic in them who would be able to see him. If a human actuallysaw a troll this near the real world then they might raise the alarm. Humans and trollsdid not mix well.Eventually Bogamus came to the outskirts of a great city. Between the city andthe river there was a magnificent palace. The walls were carved from white stone,with grand, towering archways and windows that glistened in the sunshine. Perchedon the roof of the palace and in the gardens were many statues of glorious kings, regalqueens, heroic knights and beautiful princesses. The city must still be in the MagicalRealm as Bogamus was sure there were no such places in the real world. The gardensaround the palace were kept in pristine condition. There were hedges cut in the shapeof horses, lions, dragons, the sun, moon and stars. Between the hedges there wereextravagant flowerbeds from which sprung exotic blooms of every colour. Therewere also a number of benches. On one such bench sat a girl. She wore an elegantdress of white and yellow cloth and delicate jewellery decorated with pearls and

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emeralds. She had long glossy hair that flowed down the back of her dress. She saton the bench, bent over wiping tears out of her eyes. Bogamus felt sorry that such a31Bogamus the Trollbeautiful girl should seem so sad. Not thinking what would happen if he werediscovered he sat down on the bench besides her.The girl did not look up and, presumably mistaking Bogamus for someone else,started to speak to her new companion between sobs.‘It’s just not fair. It is all the fault of this stupid old enchanter and his stupid oldcurse. It’s just not fair.’The girl blew her nose and sobbed some more. Bogamus patted her on the backas gently as a troll can and said, ‘There, there’. Bogamus was worried, he had heardof enchanters and the terrible spells that they can cast. But what was an enchanterdoing so near the border between the Magical Realm and the real world?‘It all started when the stupid enchanter came here, the city of Pelina, a monthago. To start with everyone loved him and the tricks he used to play, making rabbitsappear out of hats or guessing your shoe size without having to look at the label. Thepeople loved him so much that one day he came to visit my father, the king.’Bogamus almost froze. The girl’s father was a king! She must be a princess.‘There was a great banquet and everyone was enjoying the feast and TheEnchanter’s tricks. Then at the very end The Enchanter said that he had enjoyed thefeast and his time in the city so much that he was going to take over the whole countryof Pelina. What is more to make it official he was going to marry me! It’s just notfair. I don’t want to marry some stupid, old enchanter who makes stupid rabbitsappear out of stupid hats. It’s all so stupid!’Bogamus knew why the princess was in such a state. Enchanters were known toput people under spells that made all sorts of bad things happen. But he had neverheard of an enchanter trying to take over a whole country. Bogamus sat still and letthe princess, who still had her head buried in her hands, continue.‘And when father said “No” The Enchanter put a curse on Pelina, a stupid, stupidcurse. He summoned hundreds of monsters from all around the Magical Realm andmade them march into Pelina. We soon heard stories of great big ogres and enormouswolves and creatures made from two animals with all the parts mixed up. We weretold that the monsters were terrorising the poor villagers. We are a peaceful kingdomand cannot defend ourselves from such things. I mean there haven’t been any wars in32Bogamus in Pelinathe Magical Realm for hundreds of years. We haven’t got a proper army, just a fewguards who are no match for monsters. In order to protect the kingdom father had topay lots of men to fight the monsters. Father called them mercenaries. They said theyhad killed the monsters but they kept wanting more and more money to fight. Fatherhad no choice, he had to pay them or else they would stop fighting and the monsterswould roam free again. If the monsters were not killed then everyone would want thestupid Enchanter to be king just to stop the curse and the monsters. And if that

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happened then I would have to marry the stupid enchanter. I mean can you imaginePrincess Ellatra having to marry a lousy enchanter. I don’t want to marry the stupidEnchanter with his stupid spells and his stupid monsters.’Princess Ellatra blew her nose and sobbed a little more. She had still not noticedBogamus and did not realise that she was sitting next to a ten foot high troll withgreen skin, a big nose and a nice smile.‘Eventually all the money in the treasure room ran out. Father cannot pay themercenaries any more, so yesterday he said that I … that I had to marry TheEnchanter. Father’s going to give up being king and I have to marry The Enchanter.The wedding is going to happen tomorrow! The Enchanter is going to come downfrom his castle and marry me in the palace at noon. It’s just not fair.’Princess Ellatra sobbed once more and banged her fists on the bench.‘What I need is a hero to save me. But there aren’t any heroes around here, onlymercenaries. I don’t suppose you know where there are any heroes?’At this point the princess lifted her head towards Bogamus. For the first time shesaw the massive green figure sitting next to her. Clearly the princess had some magicin her for, unlike most humans, she could see Bogamus in all his trollish glory. Sheblinked to see if she was dreaming. No she wasn’t. Bogamus was real, a real livetroll sitting in the palace gardens. Just next to her!‘Eeeeeck!’ screamed Princess Ellatra. ‘You’re a troll. You’re one of themonsters sent to destroy the kingdom. I thought you were my nanny. Here I amthinking you were my nanny and all the time I was talking to a troll.’ Then she startedshouting, ‘Help, a troll! Guards! There’s a troll here!’ But anyone else lookingwould just have seen the princess sat on her own, shouting for all she was worth.33Bogamus the Troll(Nobody else in the garden that day had any magic in them.) Everyone knew she wasworried about the wedding and how upset she was. They put her shouting down tonerves.‘Please keep quiet. I’m not going to destroy the kingdom,’ pleaded Bogamus.‘Anyway, just because I’m a troll doesn’t mean that I’m a monster. Some trolls arevery nice actually. All I’ve ever wanted to do was guard my own bridge, just thesame as any good troll would want to do.’‘What do you mean you’re not a monster. All trolls are monsters. Everyoneknows that,’ retorted the princess.‘Only if they misbehave. If I was a monster then I would be tearing up thesegardens and ransacking the palace. But look, I’ve done nothing of the sort. I haven’teven been walking on the grass.’Princess Ellatra had to admit that this was true. The gardens were still in pristinecondition and did not look as though a monster had been ravaging them.‘Ok then you’re not a monster. But what are you doing here? Trolls should livehigh up in the mountains and not in cities.’‘I got buffeted off my bridge,’ muttered Bogamus almost too embarrassed toadmit it.

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‘Who by? A dragon?’‘Well, no. Not a dragon.’‘Then what? What else could possible buffet a troll off his bridge?’‘Well … a goat. Three goats actually. All working together.’Princess Ellatra stopped, thought about this and then started to smile. ‘You meanthat you, a big scary troll, got beaten by goats?’‘Three goats. And one of them was very strong, one was far too clever. As forthe other one, I didn’t even hear him coming.’‘Doesn’t matter, they’re still just goats.’‘Please don’t tell anyone,’ pleaded Bogamus, ‘I’ll never live it down.’The princess had to struggle to stop laughing. (Not laughing at people isimportant if you intend to make a success of being a princess.) After a moment shecontrolled herself and then started to think. ‘Well of course now that I have a mighty34Bogamus in Pelinatroll here I no longer need a hero. I’m sure that if a troll as courageous as yourselfwere to stop the wedding going ahead tomorrow then I would have no need to telleveryone about you and the goats.’Bogamus hadn’t heard of princesses doing this. They were supposed to lookpretty, wave graciously and be royal. This princess was trying to trick him into totaking on an enchanter. Enchanters with their spells, curses and sorcery were fearedacross the Magical Realm. There was no way that Bogamus was going to take on anyenchanter, least of all one who was about to become king.But then the princess gave an ultimatum. ‘Go to The Enchanter’s castle and stopthe wedding or I’ll tell everyone about you and the goats. Everyone.’Keith was standing guard on the battlements of The Enchanter’s castle. In thedistance he could see the twinkling lights of the city and the palace of Pelina. Keithturned to the other guard and, in his best military voice, shouted, ‘Time to raise thedrawbridge, Sah!’‘Yes, its getting late you had better raise the drawbridge,’ replied his fellowguard.‘Very good, Sah!’‘And Keith.’‘Yes Sah!’ Keith was still shouting.‘There’s no need to call me “Sir” all the time. My name is Kellan.’‘Very good, Sah! Er, I mean very good Kellan!’‘On more thing Keith.’‘Yes Kellan!’‘I’m right next to you, there is no need to shout either,’ suggested Kellan.‘Oh. Ok then Kellan,’ said Keith in more normal tones.‘Maybe you had better get that drawbridge raised. It’s getting dark, soon we willnot be able to see what’s out there,’ said Kellan.Keith set about pulling the drawbridge up to secure the castle for the night. Hehad just finished this when the peace of the early evening was ruined once more by

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Keith exercising his vocal chords.35Bogamus the Troll‘Halt! Who goes there?’ boomed Keith.‘Calm down! What now?’‘I saw someone moving out there. A figure trying to hide in the shadows.’There was still a little light lingering as the sun set. Kellan surveyed the viewfrom the battlements. ‘I cannot see anyone out there.’‘Well I tell you I saw someone,’ said Keith.Kellan was tired of this. He could see there was nobody outside the castle anddidn’t want to waste time. ‘Who’s out there?’ he called out to the night air.Kellan and Keith both listened carefully, but there was no reply.‘You see, we can’t hear a thing. There must be nobody out there. Now, you havethe first watch tonight and I’m going to take a nap. Please don’t disturb me unlessthere really is anyone trying to get into the castle. Remember, let nobody into thecastle without checking with me.’Keith nodded and repeated, ‘There’s nobody out there and I’m to let nobody intothe castle without checking with you.’‘Good.’ Kellan, who had no idea how good a troll’s sense of hearing is, left to getsome sleep.Keith was all alone with nothing to do except wander up and down thebattlements, staring at his feet. Guard duty was boring. Nothing ever happened. Youjust spent the night outside, getting cold and waiting for something to happen, which itnever did. Still doing nothing for a living was easier than some jobs, even if it wasboring. But then Keith thought he saw another movement in the shadows below thebattlements.‘Who … who goes there?’ called Keith.‘It’s just Nobody,’ replied the voice.‘Oh, it’s Nobody is it. Well that’s okay, I thought it might be somebody else.’‘Could you lower the drawbridge please?’ asked the voice.‘No, I’m not supposed to let anybody into the castle at nighttime.’‘Not even Nobody?’36Bogamus in PelinaKeith had to think about this, just what had Kellan told him to do. It wassomething about letting nobody check anything with him first, but that didn’t seem tomake sense.‘Weren’t you told to let nobody into the castle?’Keith had to think about the instructions Kellan had left. He remembered that hehad been told to let nobody into the castle without checking with Kellan. Below thecastle walls Nobody was at the gate. Therefore, he should let Nobody in.‘You’re right. What’s more, I don’t have to check with Kellan either, I can justlet you straight in.’ Keith pulled a lever and lowered the drawbridge. He noticed alarge, green figure emerge from the shadows, cross the drawbridge and enter the

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castle.After the green figure had passed Keith thought, ‘Oh, so Nobody’s a troll.Strange that Kellan would tell me to let a troll into the castle. I wish people wouldexplain these things to me. Sometimes I find it all very confusing.’ Keith raised thedrawbridge and resumed guarding.Bogamus wandered down the corridors of The Enchanters castle. He wasn’t surehow he was going to get The Enchanter to call off the wedding. Bogamus knew fullwell that The Enchanter, being exceptionally magical, would be able to see a troll andthat his spells would be more than a match for him. The kingdom of Pelina was onthe borders between the Magical Realm and the real world. It would seem that somepeople here, like Keith and the Princess Ellatra, could see magical creatures such astrolls. Bogamus hoped that most of them could not. He would just have to hidesomewhere in the castle before anyone else who could see magical creatures spottedhim. Maybe he would get an opportunity to stop The Enchanter if he could find outmore about the castle and The Enchanter.Bogamus could smell something good. He followed his nose and soon foundhimself outside a door marked “Kitchen”. Bogamus suddenly realised that he had noteaten all day. Perhaps there was some food in the kitchen. Feeling hungry andwithout thinking he opened the door and rushed in. No sooner had he done so when37Bogamus the Trollthere was a scream. A short, pot-bellied man in a white apron and white floppy chef’shat was alone in the kitchen and pointing at Bogamus.‘Oh my good gravy, it’s a troll! Who let a troll into the castle?’ The chef washopping from foot to foot at the sight of an enormous troll in his kitchen. ‘Pleasedon’t hurt me. I mean I’ve never harmed anyone. Please stay away.’Bogamus had no intention of hurting the cook; he just wished that the cook wouldkeep quiet so that he would not attract attention. Bogamus put a finger to his lips andshushed the cook to keep quiet. But the cook started backing away towards thekitchen stove, which was covered in enormous pots and pans.‘Keep away from me,’ cried the cook as he backed off.The cook reached the stove and, unable to retreat any further, lifted the lid of oneof the enormous pots and started to climb inside. It was filled with steaming hotcustard. As he put his feet into the custard he kept saying, ‘Keep away from me, I’vedone nothing to you.’ As Bogamus advanced the cook sunk deeper and deeper intothe custard until eventually he was completely covered. When surrounded by theyellow liquid the cook seemed to calm down a little.Bogamus was concerned that the cook would not be able to breath. He saw a boxof drinks straws on the counter. He picked one up and pushed it into the custard.‘Thank-you,’ the cook’s voice bubbled up through the custard. The cook seemedto have calmed down. ‘Er, could you please turn the heat down? It’s quite warm inhere.’Bogamus turned the gas burner under the custard pot off.‘Thank-you again.’

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‘Are you okay in there?’‘Yes, I’m quite comfortable,’ replied the cook.‘Do you want me to put the lid back on?’ asked Bogamus.‘No, just leave me as I am. The custard is starting to cool and I can breaththrough the straw.’Bogamus started to look around the kitchen. He saw another apron and chef’s hathanging by the door and put these on. If he was going to hide in the kitchen then heought to look as though he should be in the kitchen.38Bogamus in Pelina‘What’s for supper?’ asked Bogamus.‘Fish,’ replied the cook, ‘followed by custard, er this custard. The Enchanter doeslike his custard. Although, considering current circumstances, I’m not sure if therewill be any custard this evening.’‘Urrgh. Don’t like fish.’ Bogamus looked around the kitchen. He saw theenormous fish that the cook must have spent most of the afternoon preparing. Trollsare not fussy eaters but Bogamus had never liked fish. This had always beensomething of a problem given that trolls live under bridges and the main source offood under a bridge is the fishes that live in the river.Bogamus picked up the cooked fish and threw it down the kitchen’s waste hatch.He looked around the kitchen for other ingredients to prepare his own trollish meal.Kellan was annoyed. He had hoped to get a good long nap. Instead he had beenwoken up and told that The Enchanter was furious that he had not yet received hisevening meal. Kellan and Keith now had to go down to the kitchen and find out whatwas holding up The Enchanter’s dinner. This was to have been an unusually largemeal as The Enchanter had invited the three mercenaries to visit his castle to celebratehis forthcoming marriage to the Princess Ellatra and him becoming the King of Pelina.The celebrations were so important that an extra large pot of custard had been orderedfor the meal. Just to make things more complicated Keith kept telling him that he hadlet nobody into the castle. Keith seemed to think that this was very important. Kellanand Keith entered into the kitchen.‘Now see here cook,’ begun Kellan, ‘where’s The Enchanter’s food? You knowwhat an important meal this is.’‘Er Kellan, that’s Nobody. You know I was telling you about Nobody.’‘That’s not nobody, that’s the cook. You can tell by the floppy white hat andapron.’ Kellan was getting very annoyed by Keith’s twittering.‘But Nobody’s a troll. That’s a troll.’ Keith was very confused. He was sure thattrolls should not be allowed in the castle and could not understand why this troll didnot bother Kellan.39Bogamus the TrollKellan took a deep breath; he needed to be patient with Keith. ‘Now, Keith, welive in an enlightened age of progress, science and technology.’‘Yes,’ agreed Keith, ‘an age of progress, science and technology and we work in

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The Enchanter’s castle.’‘Exactly. Now science tells us that there’s no such thing as trolls.’Keith nodded in agreement.‘Therefore, logically, as there is no such thing as trolls, that,’ Kellan pointed atBogamus, ‘cannot be a troll. He’s wearing a chef’s hat and an apron and thereforemust be the cook. It stands to reason.’‘Well, I suppose so.’ Keith found all this logic a little taxing.‘No, the cook’s in the custard,’ said Bogamus who was trying to be helpful.‘Yes, I am in here,’ the cook’s voice bubbled up through the custard.‘Now that just doesn’t stand to reason,’ said Kellan. ‘This is the cook,’ he pointedat Bogamus again. ‘We know that because he’s wearing the cook’s hat and the cook’sapron. As this is the cook it follows that the cook cannot be in the custard. You seethere is only one cook. If you think these things through then it all makes sense.That,’ he pointed at the custard pot, ‘must be a lump in the custard. Admittedly aparticularly large lump that can talk, but a lump nonetheless.’‘Well if you say so,’ said Keith. ‘But we could never send lumpy custard up toThe Enchanter. He’s very particular about his custard.’‘Indeed,’ replied Kellan, ‘we had better throw the custard out.’Therefore because of the power of Kellan’s logic, and ignoring the protests fromthe custard, Kellan and Keith lifted the pot up and poured the cook and most of thecustard down the hatch. Then they put the pot back on the stove with a little of thecustard still at the bottom.‘Now that the lumpy custard has been disposed of, where is this evening’s meal?’Kellan asked Bogamus.With no fish and no custard the only meal left in the kitchen was Bogamus’strollish meal. The strange mixture boiled and bubbled in a cooking pot. Kellanlooked at the trollish meal and asked, ‘Is this the supper?’40Bogamus in PelinaBogamus nodded. It was supper, it was his supper. He didn’t want to let Kellantake it but nor did he want to make any more fuss. Too many people had seen him, ifhe made any further fuss then The Enchanter might come down to the kitchen and hedidn’t want that.‘Right, let’s take this up to The Enchanter and the mercenaries,’ said Kellan.Keith and Kellan picked up the pot of trollish supper and carried it out of the room.They left Bogamus in the kitchen wondering how he was going to make a secondtrollish supper. This would be difficult. You see the trollish approach to cooking is toput all the ingredients you can find in a pot and to boil them. Bogamus hadn’t madeany measurements or taken any timings. He hadn’t cut out the bad bits or choseningredients that suited each other. Chicken (with feathers and feet still attached),spices, herbs, cheese, vegetables (unwashed, including the roots) and something hefound in an unmarked jar all went in the pot. Some of the ingredients made themixture foam with white bubbles and Bogamus wasn’t sure whether all theingredients were really food. Once they had all been added to the pot, all the

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ingredients got heated up. Then the resulting mixture got taken up to The Enchanterand his mercenaries for their feast. There was no food left in the kitchen, except theremains of the custard, only a very hungry troll.41Bogamus and the EnchanterThe following morning sunlight gazed through the windows of the castle and ontothe sleeping head of The Enchanter. The feast the night before had been extravagant.The Enchanter and his mercenaries had been up all night celebrating the forthcomingwedding. They had been drinking, dancing on the tables, telling tales and feasting onthe best food that the castle’s kitchen could possibly produce. Indeed the feasting hadbeen so extravagant that The Enchanter had gone to bed still wearing his enchanter’srobes with a good measure of the best food the castle’s kitchen could produce spilt allover them. It was still there staining the fine silk robes. The Enchanter woke andgroaned to see that the morning had arrived so soon. His head throbbed. What had hedone last night? Had he drunk too much? He didn’t think so, an enchanter knowsbetter than to drink too much. Had he done too much magic? Well, maybe the oddspell to entertain the mercenaries. What had he eaten then? He had asked the castle’skitchen to produce the finest of meals. This should have been fish, to be followed bycustard. Fish was good for the brain, which is very important for an enchanter. As forthe custard, well The Enchanter just happened to like custard. It was his celebrationand if he wanted custard then he could have it. But that was not what they had eaten.What had they eaten? The Enchanter looked at his robes and saw the stains left by thespillage. It smelt awful. Whatever it was it had not been good for his brain and didn’tfeel too good for his stomach either.The Enchanter stumbled out of bed clutching his stomach and wiping hisforehead. He glared at his reflection in his bedroom mirror and tried to cast a spell tomake him feel better.‘Ecrid-sah-far-bay,make my head feel better today.’The Enchanter made a series of strange signs with his fingers as he incanted thespell. But there was no effect. He groaned, he was not feeling well and must havedone something wrong. Instead he tried another spell.‘Areeth-bin-bar-tar-fay,sic-ban-for-tor-fee.42Bogamus and the EnchanterRemove these stains of old stew,make these clothes as good as new.’But no matter how loud he said the words or how many times he made themagical gestures the stains on his robes remained stubbornly in place. Glaring at themirror The Enchanter decided to try one more incantation.‘Fey-ti-nimb-be-dey,pain in my head, go away.Si-cor-vin-di-seen,

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turn grubby cloth to robes pristine.Lak-doh-tin-foi-awn,as sun shines on new dawn.Sam-fan-blam-dor-traun,make me well to face the morn.’But his head still throbbed, his stomach was still twisted inside him and hisenchanter’s robes were still smeared with something that may once have been food.Why wasn’t his magic working? And just what had he eaten last night? It wasmaking him feel awful.There was a knock at the door. Kofkor, the leader of the three mercenaries, pokedhis head round door. He too was clutching his stomach. ‘Ooooh. Morning sir,’groaned Kofkor. ‘Me and the men don’t feel too good today. Must have beensomething we ate. Blalbar is worse than me and as for Rumpus, well after what he’sbeen doing I doubt there’s much food left in him.’ Blalbar and Rumpus were theother two mercenaries. Between them they had been draining the king’s treasureroom and were a key part of The Enchanter’s plan. Now that the king had no moretreasure he had to let The Enchanter marry Princess Ellatra and become King ofPelina. ‘How about a quick spell to make us feel better and stop Rumpus from doing,well, doing you know what sir.’‘Yes, I know what.’ The thought of what Rumpus had been doing did not makeThe Enchanter feel any better. ‘The thing is that the spells don’t seem to be workingthis morning.’43Bogamus the Troll‘Why’s that sir?’ asked Kofkor who was still clutching his belly, his face was alltwisted up from the pain.‘I think it must have been the food we ate last night. What was it that we ate?’The Enchanter was also clutching his belly and grimacing.‘It was supposed to be the best food in the castle. Tasted funny though, sir. Andit don’t make me feel too good sir.’ Kofkor thought for a moment. ‘If you can’t castspells then what’s happened to the curse you put on the kingdom?’Stomach pains or no stomach pains this question annoyed The Enchanter. He hadexplained this to the mercenaries several times already. ‘I’ve already told you thereweren’t any monsters. Once the people of Pelina believed that I was an enchanter wejust had to tell them there was a curse and they believed it. You put out a few storiesabout monsters ravaging villages and the people of Pelina did the rest. Soon theywouldn’t go outside for fear of the monsters and they needed us to make them safe.’‘Oh yeah, I remember you told us how you would not want to take over akingdom overrun with monsters?’‘Besides do you really think that the three of you would be a match for a realmonster? Could you possibly win a fight with a minotaur or a troll?’‘No I guess not,’ replied Kofkor. ‘Is that why we made the monster heads out ofpapier mache and splattered blood on our armour?’‘Yes, to persuade the King that you were fighting the monsters and saving the

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kingdom.’‘But you are a real enchanter?’‘Of course I am.’ The Enchanter was still in pain and getting very tired of thisconversation.‘So why didn’t you magic up real monsters then?’‘You clearly know nothing of magic. I can’t just magic up a minotaur or two, thatwould take far too much magic. Make a rabbit appear out of a hat, yes. But thenagain who’s scarred of rabbits.’‘So was there any magic then?’‘I made them think that some papier mache heads were terrible monsters and thatyou three were expert fighters and the only ones who could save them.’44Bogamus and the Enchanter‘So even though your magic doesn’t work anymore, you’re still a real enchanter?’‘Yes I am, now get out. Don’t interrupt me until we are due to leave.’ TheEnchanter pushed Kofkor out of his room, shut the door and bolted it. Then heslumped back into bed still wishing that the morning had not come quite so early. Hewas a real enchanter whatever anyone might say. He must be a real enchanter as hehad studied at enchanter school. So what if he had not done well and had failed all hisexams. They let him keep his enchanter robes when he left, so he must be a realenchanter. It didn’t matter that he could only remember the simplest spells; with alittle trickery he had fooled the king, queen and all the people of Pelina. Theybelieved he was a real, powerful enchanter who had put a curse on the kingdom.Today he would marry the princess Ellatra and become King of Pelina. Even thoughhis head and stomach ached The Enchanter smiled at this thought. How many of theothers at enchanter school were called “King”? But it still bothered him that the littlemagic he knew had stopped working. Maybe it was something he had eaten. But justwhat had he eaten last night? It was most certainly not fish, or custard for that matter.But enough of such thoughts today he would marry the princess Ellatra and becomeKing of Pelina. When he was king he wouldn’t need any magic. A king was betterthan an enchanter.When The Enchanter finally emerged from his room, he had changed his robes forsome clean ones but still did not look well. He walked down to the castle’s courtyardclutching his stomach and grimacing. There he met Kofkor, Blalbar and Rumpus whowere standing by a stagecoach. Each of them was looking pale and was clutchingtheir own stomachs in obvious pain.‘My stomach aches,’ said Blalbar, ‘do we have to go?’‘Please don’t use that word,’ complained Rumpus.‘Which word?’ asked Blalbar.‘Ooohh, you know, the last one.’‘What, “Go”?’‘Oooh, yes. It makes me want to, well you know,’ replied Rumpus who seemedto be in the worst state of the four.45

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Bogamus the Troll‘What, makes you want to go?’‘Ooooh! Don’t use that word.’‘Yes we all have to go,’ said The Enchanter climbing into the stagecoach.‘Please don’t use that word. Spare a thought for my poor belly.’ Rumpus hadactually quite liked Bogamus’s trollish meal and had eaten several large portions thenight before.‘Personally I would rather not think about your belly, Rumpus. Besides once I ammade king I will make you all generals in the new Pelina army. Be glad, I assure youthere will be a General Rumpus before the end of the day.’‘What about a bit of magic to cure our stomachs before we … er … leave?’ askedBlalbar. But The Enchanter remained silent as his magic was still not working and hecould not soothe his own stomach let alone those of his mercenaries. Grimly the threemercenaries climbed on board the stagecoach.When they were all on the stagecoach The Enchanter added, ‘After today I’ll bethe King of Pelina. I will have all the power I could possibly want and will neverneed to cast a spell again.’ The Enchanter looked at the three mercenaries to makesure they understood. ‘Driver, ride on. To Pelina, I have a crown to take,’ orderedThe Enchanter as he shut the stagecoach door.Sitting in the driving seats were Kellan and Keith. Kellan geed-up the horses andthe stagecoach rumbled out of the courtyard, over the drawbridge and on to Pelina.As they left Kellan said to Keith, ‘Now its very important that nobody knows thatThe Enchanter and the mercenaries left the castle together. You had better check thatnobody is following us.’Keith looked behind the stagecoach towards the still open castle drawbridge.‘You’re right. Nobody is following us.’‘Good,’ said Kellan.‘You know what’s strange, Nobody’s carrying something. I think it’s one of thepots from the kitchen.’Kellan glared at Keith but then turned his attention back to the horses as theydrove on towards the city of Pelina.46Bogamus and the EnchanterIn order that the link between The Enchanter and the mercenaries should remain asecret until after the ceremony it was agreed that the mercenaries would be droppedoff just outside the city. They had to walk the rest of the way. The Enchanter droveinto Pelina alone. He waved to the crowds as he passed them on his way to the palacebut the people of Pelina did not wave back. They all looked miserable at the thoughtof being ruled by an enchanter who could put a spell on anyone he didn’t like.Eventually the stagecoach arrived at the palace. Forgetting his stomach pains TheEnchanter climbed down from the stagecoach and walked through the palace gates tobe greeted by the queen.‘So delightful to see you,’ said Queen Clarissa through a forced smile. ‘I trustyour journey here was bumpy and uncomfortable.’ The queen started walking

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towards the palace hall where the ceremony would take place. The Enchanterfollowed her.‘My dear Queen Clarissa, it is always a joy to see you and this more than makesup for any inconvenience during the journey.’Dealing with royalty was such a nuisance, they could be as rude to you as theyliked and you always had to be polite in return. Still by the end of the day he wouldbe the king and he could be as rude as he liked to anyone. ‘I trust that your husbandwill be along presently and that he will have the crown as agreed.’‘My husband, the king, will arrive with our daughter as is the custom.’ The queenpaused, she knew that by bringing the crown the king was abdicating the throne toThe Enchanter. The thought sent shivers down her spine. ‘As you say he will bebringing the crown with him. You know that it is an ancient crown that has beenworn by the kings and queens of Pelina for over a thousand years. The crown is madeof solid gold and is heavier than you might think. I trust that it will not be too weightyfor you, who has so little experience in such matters?’The Enchanter ignored the queen’s comments and smiled back at her. ‘My dearQueen Clarissa, I assure you that I can bear such a trophy.’While Queen Clarissa and The Enchanter spoke the lords and ladies of Pelinastarted gathering in the palace hall. In due course the three mercenaries also arrived47Bogamus the Trolland took their place at the front next to The Enchanter. Kellan and Keith stayedoutside with the stagecoach.‘You’d best make sure that everyone has arrived,’ suggested Kellan.Keith poked his head around the palace doors. A moment later he returned toreport.‘Kellan, did you know that Nobody is in the palace,’ said Keith. ‘You know Iwould have thought that …’‘I didn’t ask you if nobody was there, I asked if everyone was there,’ interruptedKeith.‘Oh, yeah everyone’s there,’ replied Keith.‘Then why did you say that nobody was there,’ asked Kellan. ‘I mean ifeveryone’s there then it stands to reason that nobody can’t be there.’‘Oh yeah, I agree, everybody’s there, all the lords and ladies, the queen and TheEnchanter. That’s the thing, everybody’s there but Nobody’s there as well,’ saidKeith.Kellan was annoyed and puzzled by this. It seemed impossible for everybody andnobody to be in the palace at the same time. ‘Are you being philosophical?’ he asked.‘I dunno,’ replied Keith, ‘what’s being philosophical?’‘It’s when people think too much,’ said Kellan.‘I never heard anyone do that.’Kellan shook his head at this.‘But someone should do something,’ said Keith. ‘There’s a troll in the palace andmost people can’t see him. He could be dangerous.’

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‘I’ve already told you, trolls don’t exist. There can’t be a troll in the palace astrolls don’t exist.’‘But what about Nobody?’‘I shouldn’t worry. I never heard of nobody doing any harm to anybody, let aloneeverybody.’‘But he could, trolls can be dangerous.’‘Only if they are real.’‘This one is ten foot tall and green. Is that real enough for you?’ pleaded Keith.48Bogamus and the EnchanterBut Kellan just turned and wandered away, muttering to himself that trolls don’texist no matter how big or how green they were.The palace hall was enormous, the roof was twenty foot high and it was bigenough to fit all the lords and ladies from across Pelina. When everyone was in placethe Bishop of Pelina begun the ceremony. Wearing his ceremonial robes he stoodfacing the crowds of lords, ladies, the queen, The Enchanter and the mercenaries. Thecrowds were divided into two halves with a passageway between that ran the length ofthe hall. The queen stood at the front on the left, The Enchanter and his mercenariesat the front on the right.The walls of the palace hall were covered in brightly coloured tapestries. Theyshowed images of great kings and queens, mighty heroes and famous deeds fromPelina’s history. They also made an excellent hiding place for Bogamus. He hadnipped into the palace hall while the queen was talking to The Enchanter and hadhidden behind a tapestry. He hoped that the lords and ladies would not notice thetroll-shaped bulge in one of the tapestries. He was holding one the pots from TheEnchanter’s kitchen. The dregs of the custard were still in there. Peering out througha gap in the tapestry Bogamus could see that The Enchanter and mercenaries (and inparticular Rumpus) were not looking well. But for some reason The Enchanter couldnot see Bogamus. Perhaps he was too worried about the ceremony to notice him?The Bishop of Pelina began the ceremony by indicating that the trumpets shouldsound. As the sound resonated around the palace hall King Frederick and PrincessEllatra processed down the passageway between the crowds of lords and ladies. Theprincess looked quite beautiful wearing a pure white dress with a delicate veil drapedacross her face. The king’s right hand held the princess’s hand while on his left handwas balanced a crimson velvet cushion. Draped over the cushion was a crimson satincloth, beneath which rested the crown to the kingdom of Pelina. The king hid anystrain from the weight of the crown or the occasion and moved with dignity.The king and the princess reached the front of the crowd and joined the bishop,the queen and The Enchanter. The princess, who looked quite sombre under her veil,noticed Bogamus’s feet sticking out from under the tapestry. She seemed to cheer up49Bogamus the Trolland smiled at Bogamus through the veil. The Enchanter thought that the princess wassmiling at him and gave a slimy smile in return. The princess’s expression faded.

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The Bishop of Pelina addresses the crowd. ‘My lords, ladies and most welcomeguests. We are here today to join in marriage The Enchanter with the most beautifulPrincess Ellatra. Once this is complete we will the proceed with the abdication ofKing Frederick and the crowning of The Enchanter as King of Pelina.’ The crowdwas silent in awe of the occasion. ‘This is an important day for Pelina where thefuture happiness of its citizens will be set. Today will determine where Pelina willgo.’Immediately Rumpus started fidgeting. ‘Oooh, please don’t mention that word,’he muttered.Ignoring Rumpus the bishop continued. ‘Once the ceremony is over there will bea feast to celebrate the marriage and crowning, so we will all go into the garden.’‘Arrghhh!’ Rumpus screamed at hearing the word a second time and wasimmediately shushed by the crowd.The bishop was irritated by Rumpus but continued nonetheless, smiling jovially atthe crowd. ‘I’m sure that the celebrations will go on all afternoon.’An enormous rumbling echoed around the palace hall. Only Rumpus and thosestanding around him knew the cause. That was it, Rumpus could bear it no longer.He barged his way past the other mercenaries and The Enchanter. As he rushed downthe pathway between the lords and ladies voices were heard to say ‘What’s up withhim?’ and ‘Where’s he going?’ which only made things worse.Rumpus ran out of the palace hall frantically looking for a certain room within thepalace. When, much to his relief, he finally found the room he stumbled in, sat downand a look of pure relief spread across his face. Rumpus spent the rest of theafternoon in this room and, no matter what anyone said or did, would not come out.Back in the palace hall, once the hub-hub had died down, the bishop continued theceremony.‘So that all present shall know the importance of today’s events we shall firstunveil the historic crown of Pelina.’50Bogamus and the EnchanterKing Frederick placed the velvet cushion on a pedestal in front of the bishop. Thebishop whisked off the satin cloth. The crowd gasped to see the ancient crown ofPelina before them. There were no jewels in this crown and it did not sparkle. It wasmade of thick, solid gold. The weight of the solid gold crown reminded everyone whowore it of the importance of being king. While it was not as intricate or as beautiful asa modern crown it bore the long history of Pelina. This crown had been worn byevery king and queen of Pelina for the past thousand years. It had sat on the head andfelt the thoughts of every monarch this land had ever known. The people of Pelinaheld the crown in awe.‘A dowdy trinket of a by-gone age. This is a poor kingdom if has not been able toafford a new crown for a thousand years,’ sneered The Enchanter. ‘When I’m kingI’ll melt it down and make a new one.’The crowd was in uproar. It was preposterous that a stranger could say suchthings about the crown of Pelina. To think that they were going to make him king!

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‘Sir, it is not wise to say such things when your powers have gone,’ whisperedKofkor thinking that the noise of the crowd would drown out his voice. But at thatvery moment the crowd went quiet. His words carried across the room and wereheard by everyone.‘What!’ screamed the queen. ‘You mean to say that this upstart has lost hismagical powers?’ She pushed her way past the king towards the crown. ‘You meanto come here, to take my daughter and my husband’s kingdom and yet you have nomagical powers!’ She grabbed the heavy crown from the pedestal and started to lift itabove her head.‘Madam, will you please put that thing down,’ said The Enchanter. ‘Someonemight get hurt.’‘Too right someone might get hurt. You! Sending monsters to terrorise mypeople. You deserve all that you get!’ With that the queen brought the crownsmashing down on The Enchanter’s head.‘Arrrrghhhh! Madam, that hurt.’‘Good!’ yelled the queen lifting the crown up a second time.51Bogamus the Troll‘Will you please stop hitting me this instant. There were never any monsters, wemade them up. I am sure that we can be reasonable and discuss this. Arrrrghhhhh!Don’t do that, it hurts.’ But The Enchanter’s pleas went unheard by a queen who hadseen red.This would have been a good moment for the mercenaries to defend TheEnchanter but they were otherwise occupied. Bogamus was watching things closelyand realised that now was the time to strike. But he still could not risk revealinghimself in case one of the lords or ladies could see him. So he scooped up some of thecold custard from the pot and, reaching around the tapestry, threw it. It hit Kofkor onthe side of his head and splattered across his face.‘Arrghhh! What did you do that for Blalbar?’ asked Kofkor who could not seeBogamus.‘Do what? I never did nothing,’ replied Blalbar.‘You did, you sploshed me with custard.’‘No I didn’t.’ Bogamus threw another handful of custard at Blalbar. ‘Arrghhh!Now what are you sploshing me for?’‘I never sploshed you, it was you what sploshed me.’‘Take that you swine.’ Blalblar punched Kofkor hard in the face.‘Now that was you. Take that and all.’It took a lot of persuasion and a few of the palace’s strongest guards to calm thequeen down and get her to stop assaulting The Enchanter. When they told her that shemight damage the historic crown of Pelina she gradually came to her senses, much tothe relief of the somewhat battered Enchanter. Indeed calming the queen proved moredifficult that separating Kofkor and Blalbar who had soon knocked each other out.The Enchanter, Kofkor and Blalbar were forced to return the treasure that theyhad taken for pretending to slay make believe monsters. Then they were chased out of

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the kingdom and ordered never to return. When Rumpus eventually left the lavatoryhe too was forced to return his treasure, although Rumpus was only too keen to leavethe kingdom and did not need chasing.52Bogamus and the EnchanterGiven that there was already a feast prepared for that afternoon all they had to dowas change the banners to read “War of The Enchanter, Victory Celebrations” and thefun could begin.The feast was magnificent. The centrepiece was an enormous turreted jelly in theshape of the palace. There was a cake in five layers with a marzipan figure ofPrincess Ellatra on top. (There had also been a figure of The Enchanter but QueenClarissa had squashed this.) There were fruits from all corners of the kingdom ofPelina, cheeses shaped like soldiers, chocolates shaped like wild animals and anenormous tart with fillings of all the colours of the rainbow. There were also fishfingers and custard, as had been requested by The Enchanter.King Frederick surveyed the feast with the Bishop of Pelina. ‘It’s a good job wehad the feast to hand,’ said the king. ‘I thought that I would be spending the last fewcoins in the treasure room, but now it seems that the treasure room will soon be fullonce more.’‘Yes, and an excellent feast it is too,’ agreed the bishop. ‘There’s just one thingthat puzzles me.’‘Which is?’‘Well I am sure we laid on more food than we have now. Some of the jelly’sturrets have disappeared. I could have sworn that the cake had five layers, now weonly seem to have four. What’s more the tart seems to have lost the orange parts of itsfilings. I am not complaining, there is still plenty to go around. But what became ofthe missing food?’‘I’m not sure,’ replied the king. ‘But on the bright side, we seem to be fullystocked with fish fingers. Nobody’s touched them.’The mystery of the disappearing food at the Victory Celebrations and why the fishfingers were left untouched was never solved. It continues to baffle the cleverestpeople in Pelina to this day.53Bogamus the TrollThe princess was the happiest person in the kingdom of Pelina. Her father wasstill king and she did not have to marry The Enchanter. As soon as she could sheslipped away from the festivities to find Bogamus.‘Thank-you so much for saving me from the awful Enchanter. I don’t know whatI would have done without you,’ said the princess. She did her best to give Bogamusa hug but her arms could not get very far around him.‘That’s all right. Promise you won’t mention the goats,’ said Bogamus.‘I promise.’‘Not to anyone mind.’‘I won’t tell a soul, and even if I did I doubt that anybody would believe me. I

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mean a mighty troll like you would be a match for anyone.’ The princess smiled atBogamus. ‘Are you coming to the celebrations, there’s plenty to eat.’‘No thanks, I’m not hungry right now,’ said Bogamus with a smile. ‘Besides,maybe somebody else might see me.’‘In that case where will you go?’ asked the princess.‘Wherever the river takes me. I need to find a new home. Trolls live underbridges, do you know of any bridges around here?’‘There’s the Royal Bridge, a little way down the river.’‘Is it a nice homely bridge?’ asked Bogamus.‘It’s the Royal Bridge of Pelina. It has grand arches, bright lights and enormousstatues. We go down there on father’s birthday and watch fireworks.’Bogamus did not like the sound of people launching fireworks from his home.‘That doesn’t sound very trollish.’‘Maybe not. I must be going now or else they will be wondering where I am.Bye-bye Bogamus.’‘Bye-bye Ellatra,’ replied Bogamus.The princess reached up and gave Bogamus a kiss on his nose before turning andrunning back to the victory celebrations.Bogamus watched her go. He wandered through the gardens towards the river(being careful to keep to the path). Soon he was back at his boat. As all the people ofPelina were busy celebrating he was confident that nobody would see him. If anyone54Bogamus and the Enchanterdid then everyone would think them a fool or a dreamer. He started to row down theriver, his journey taking him closer and closer to the real world. As he rowedBogamus had a big smile spread across his face and a warm glow in his heart.Kellan and Keith were a little nervous about being at the victory celebrations.They had been on the wrong side but, as they had not done any real harm, the kingand queen had decided to forgive them. Kellan heard some chattering and then sawthe princess running back to the celebrations.‘I wonder who the princess has been talking to?’ asked Kellan.Keith noticed a large green figure moving towards the river. ‘She's been talkingto Nobody.’‘I do hope that you stop going on about nobody soon,’ replied Kellan.The pair stood in silence for a few moments.‘I imagine I will stop soon because Nobody’s rowing down the river and leavingPelina. I doubt he will return.’‘I hope so,’ muttered Kellan, ‘if only for your sake.’After the celebrations the king and queen thought it right that someone should berewarded for the defeat of The Enchanter. While everyone agreed that the queen hadbeen instrumental in the downfall of The Enchanter she was already the queen andthat was reward enough. After much questioning it was discovered that TheEnchanter had lost his power because of the food he had eaten the night before.Therefore everyone agreed that The Enchanter’s cook should be rewarded. The

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following year he was given a knighthood. But no one was sure what his name was.He said that he had always been called “Cook” but calling him “Sir Cook” justseemed wrong. But ever since the debacle with Enchanter the cook had always smeltof custard. No matter how many baths he took and how much he scrubbed the odourof custard would just not leave him. Therefore to this day he is called “Sir Custard”and commands great respect among the people of Pelina.55Bogamus the TrollAs for The Enchanter and his three thugs, I have a feeling that we will hear fromthem again before too long.56Bogamus in the Real WorldBogamus rowed away from the fair city of Pelina, each mile taking him closer tothe real world. He wasn’t sure how a troll would get on in the real world. Even here,still in the Magical Realm but close to the real word, there were plenty of people withbarely an ounce of magic in them. Bogamus already realised that they would starestraight at him and, knowing that there is no such thing as a troll, would refuse tobelieve that that they were looking at one. Kellan had thought that Bogamus was thecook! Even though the real cook, admittedly stuck in a vat of custard, had tried to tellhim otherwise. Logic had prevailed over magic. However, as some people near theborder with real world still had some magic they could see a troll for what he was. Ifhe went into the real world then would anyone have any magic? Would anyone beable to see him?Bogamus thought about this and about where he should go next. He hadn’t founda good trollish bridge to settle under since he got buffeted out of his home. He couldnot yet face going back to the valley and meeting the goats. If he wandered awayfrom the river then he would be lost in the wilderness and unable to find his way backto the river, and he was only going to find a good trollish bridge on the river. Thisonly left him one option, to continue down the river and to keep looking for a goodtrollish bridge, even if this took him into the real world. So Bogamus kept going.One day Bogamus had just rounded a meander in the river when he saw theborder with the real world. There was no sign or painted line but the change was quiteclear. Where the air of the Magical Realm met the air of the real world you could seesomething. The two airs would twist and twirl as they mixed creating a shimmeringin the air. The shimmering air stretched from one bank of the river to the other andwent on in both directions into the wilderness.The peoples of the real world may not be able to see a magical creature such as atroll but they would see the boat and wonder who was rowing it. This was too muchof a risk. Bogamus would not be able to take his boat into the real world. InsteadBogamus steered to the shore, got out of his boat and tied it to a log on the side of theriverbank. He then walked along the riverbank and approached the shimmering57Bogamus the Trolldivide. On the other side of the divide the river continued on its way and everything

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looked much the same as it did on the magical side.There was nobody about. Bogamus wasn’t sure if crossing into the real worldwould be safe. To see what would happen he threw a stick through the divide. Thestick passed through as if there had been nothing there and landed on the real worldside. Gingerly Bogamus touched the shimmering air with his finger. It tingled.Eventually Bogamus decided that enough was enough, he was going in. He took adeep breath and stepped forward crossing into the real world. Bogamus gasped as hebreathed out, ready to rush back into the Magical Realm if needs be. He breathed inreal world air for the first time. It didn’t seem that different. He looked back at theMagical Realm through the shimmering air. Turning back to the real world Bogamusset off along the riverbank. He was going to find out what happens to trolls in the realworld.The real world seemed to be very similar to the Magical Realm. There was theriver, a path along the riverbank, trees, flowers and plants growing by the riversideand there were even fish in the river. However, Bogamus had noticed a fewdifferences. After he had walked a couple of miles into the real world a second trackstarted running alongside the riverbank path. This track was much wider than theriverbank. It was black with strange markings painted on either side and anothermarking in the middle. Bogamus left the riverbank and went to examine the road.There were no carts, carriages or walkers on this road, in fact Bogamus had not yetmet anyone or anything in the real world. He still didn’t know how the real worldpeople would react to a troll.In the distance Bogamus could hear a growling coming along the road. Could itbe a lion loose in the real world? Even trolls need to be wary of lions. He looked tothe horizon and saw a small red box hurtling towards him on the road. As it got closerthe roaring got louder and louder and then the red box started honking. Bogamusstood still, staring at the growling, honking box. In a moment he snapped out of hisdaze and leapt out the way. The roaring get louder and the honking more frequent asthe red box zoomed past. Someone inside the box was screaming things at Bogamus58Bogamus in the Real Worldas they went by. Bogamus wasn’t sure what all of the words meant and he didn’tthink he wanted to. Someone in the box could see Bogamus, but could they tell thathe was a troll? Maybe they thought that he was something else. Bogamus waited bythe side of the road and soon a second box, this time a silver coloured box, roared pastas well. This time, with Bogamus out of the way, there was no honking andscreaming.Bogamus felt that the road was far more “real world” than the riverbank path. Ifhe was going to find out about the real world then he should continue along the road.Bogamus was wondering which way to go along the road when he noticed a little waydown the road there was a sign on a tall post and two people waiting by the sign.Maybe they could tell Bogamus which way he should go?Edith and Vera were waiting for a bus.‘Oh, I’ve had such a lovely day but you know I’m really looking forward to

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getting back,’ said Edith.‘Oh yes. Then we can have a nice sit down and a cup of tea,’ replied Vera. ‘Doyou think the bus will be here soon?’‘It should be.’ Edith looked along the road hoping to see the shape of anapproaching bus. Instead a large green figure was walking towards them. ‘Well Inever.’‘What is it Edith? Is the bus coming?’‘No, it’s a … a young … er ...’‘Oh!’ said Vera who had also seen the large green figure.The two old ladies watched as Bogamus approached the bus stop.‘Good afternoon sir,’ said Edith when Bogamus arrived.‘Good afternoon madam,’ replied Bogamus who, except when guarding hisbridge, was always a very polite troll.‘Are you getting the bus?’ enquired Vera.‘What’s a bus?’ asked Bogamus.‘You must know what the bus is. To take you back into town,’ replied Vera.‘We’re taking the bus,’ said Edith.59Bogamus the Troll‘What town is that?’‘Ooh, you are one. Why Bealey of course. Are you going back to Bealey?’ askedVera.‘Well, I guess so.’ Bogamus didn’t seem too sure. Bogamus could hear a roaringsimilar to that made by the boxes behind him. He turned to see where it was comingfrom.‘Oh look! Here’s the bus,’ said Edith.Bogamus examined the bus. It was larger than the other boxes, slower and nowthat it was stopping it wasn’t making as much noise. The bus came to a halt, a dooropened and Edith and Vera got on the bus, showed their passes to the driver and wentto get a seat.‘Are you getting on?’ enquired Vera.Having seen the old ladies get on the bus Bogamus thought that maybe he should.He wanted to explore the real world and you seemed to do this in one of these boxesthat the ladies called a “bus”.Bogamus climbed onto the bus. His weight caused the bus to lean to one side.The bus driver looked around to see what had caused his bus to tilt so suddenly. Helooked straight through Bogamus as if he were not there. Bogamus moved past thedriver and as he did so the bus sprung back. Moving along the bus was not easy.Standing ten feet tall Bogamus almost had to crawl along the inside of the bus. Whenhe sat down he took up two seats to himself. Thankfully the bus was not crowded sonobody minded. The Bus driver got out of the bus and, worried by the tilting, startedchecking the tyres on the bus.There were a few other people on the bus. There was a woman with a baby,which took all of her attention, a man who was engrossed in his newspaper and a

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young woman who was listening to music. Not one of them even looked up asBogamus passed. Maybe they all thought that as trolls do not exist there couldn’t be atroll struggling to crawl to a seat on the bus. Maybe they had no magic at all and socouldn’t see trolls at all? Then there were the two old ladies, they had noticed him butdid not seem to mind that he was a troll. But then again maybe they didn’t realise thathe was a troll. The driver hadn’t seen a thing.60Bogamus in the Real WorldThe bus began to move off along the road. Bogamus was a little unsure oftravelling like this. While there were machines in the Magical Realm these weregenerally simple affairs that were less noisy and didn’t shake as much. They hadcarriages and carts but these were drawn by horses. Bogamus could not see anyhorses pulling the bus. But if he were going to explore the real world then maybe hewould have to get used to such things.Vera, who was sat just behind him, tapped Bogamus on the shoulder. ‘I don’tthink that we were introduced. My name’s Vera.’‘And I’m Edith. And you are?’‘Bogamus.’‘Well that is an unusual name,’ remarked Edith. ‘Where do you come fromBogamus?’‘Oh, a little way up the river.’ Bogamus didn’t want to tell the ladies that he wasfrom the Magical Realm, the people of the real world might not know what to make ofit.‘It’s nice up there isn’t it? You know I remember the time we spent up there justa few years ago.’Bogamus was confused by this. Was Edith saying that she and Vera had spenttime in the Magical Realm?‘Oh yes, we had some fun up there,’ said Vera. ‘I keep meaning to return.’‘Maybe next year,’ said Edith.And so Bogamus chatted to Edith and Vera as the bus trundled towards Bealey.Although Bogamus was careful not to mention that he was from the Magical Realm orthat he was a troll. People got on the bus and off the bus but none of them seemedbothered by the fact that two old ladies were talking to a troll. Maybe every one ofthem thought that it couldn’t be a troll as trolls don’t exist.As they travelled the fields and woods around the bus stop were replaced byhouses and offices and factories. There were more roads with more cars driving alongthem. Bogamus had seen towns and cities before. He could remember the streets ofPelina bubbling with life and colour and brightness. But the streets of the real worldfelt bland and lifeless compared to the streets of Pelina.61Bogamus the TrollEventually Vera remarked that they had reached the centre of Bealey. Bogamusthought that the centre of the town would be a good place to continue his explorationof the real world. Bogamus said goodbye and left the bus.

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‘What a nice young man he was,’ remarked Vera after Bogamus had left.‘Oh yes. Wasn’t he tall?’ agreed Edith.‘And he had such a nice smile.’‘And his skin was such a lovely shade of green.’‘Oh yes. Green.’‘But um, wasn’t he a tr…’‘Shush,’ interrupted Vera. ‘Nobody else on the bus has realised. We don’t wantto alarm them.’‘You mean they cannot see a big, green, you-know-what when it’s sat next tothem?’‘Well, can’t see or won’t see?’‘But what’s he doing here in Bealey?’‘How should I know? He said he had travelled from up the river. That’s theMagical Realm.’‘Well, maybe he’s on holiday.’‘Don’t be silly. Trolls don’t …’‘Shush, don’t say the T- word.’‘Oops, sorry. Well, if Ts don’t take holidays then why else could he be here?’‘You know, I’m not sure.’When Bogamus got off the bus he found himself in the middle of a bustling town.There were people everywhere. They all seemed to be in an immense hurry to getsomewhere else but where Bogamus did not know. Regardless of which no oneseemed to take any notice of him. Maybe they had too many things on their mind tonotice a troll, maybe they refused to believe that a troll could really be standing in themiddle of Bealey or maybe he was invisible and they just could not see him at all.Either way Bogamus slowly wandered around the town, looking at the buildings and62Bogamus in the Real Worldpeople and the cars roaring and honking as they moved people along the roads.Nobody seemed to mind.Bogamus was almost in a daze, confused by the commotion of the town when henoticed two eyes staring straight at him. The eyes belonged to a small girl. She wasstanding next to her parents who seemed to be arguing about something. Bogamuswas worried. He thought that the girl could see him and was not sure how she wouldreact to a troll. He tried to move away but found that there were too many peoplearound him. The girl, who seemed entranced by the strange, tall, green figure, walkedthrough the crowd up to Bogamus.‘What are you?’ asked the girl.Bogamus had never been asked what he was. He had been asked who he wasbefore but everyone he had ever met in the Magical Realm who could see him knewwhat a troll looked like and knew that he was a troll.‘Erm … ,’ Bogamus was still trying to get away but the crowds were too thick,‘I’m a troll.’‘Don’t be silly, trolls don’t exist,’ replied the girl.

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‘Well, what about me? I’m a troll and I exist,’ replied Bogamus who had hadenough of people not being able to see him.‘How do I know that you are a troll?’‘Well I am green and ten foot tall,’ he had to bend down quite a long way to speakto her.‘And trolls are big and green are they?’‘Yes.’‘Hmmm, maybe you are a troll then. But how did a troll get to Bealey.’‘I took the bus.’‘Trolls can’t take the bus! How did you fit?’‘Well I did have to duck to get on.’The girl glared at Bogamus. Even if they ducked, trolls shouldn’t take the bus, itwasn’t right.‘My name’s Rose, what’s your name?’‘Bogamus.’63Bogamus the Troll‘What an odd name. What’s a troll called Bogamus doing in Bealey?’‘I just followed the river and the river took me to the bus and the bus took mehere. What are you doing here?’‘Mummy and Daddy had a meeting in town, something to do with the fair. Thefair is very important; everyone from Bealey will be at the fair tomorrow. Where doyou live, Bogamus? I’ve not seen any trolls around here before.’‘Why under a bridge of course.’‘What a strange place to live. Who lives under a bridge?’‘What’s wrong with living under a bridge. It’s what trolls do. What do you liveunder?’‘I live in a house with my mummy and daddy,’ replied Rose.‘Well there you go. People live under houses and trolls live under bridges.’Rose thought for a moment. She wasn’t a troll, how could she know what wasright for a troll. Maybe living under a bridge was sensible for a troll.‘Well then, which bridge do you live under? Is it near?’‘Well … ,’ Bogamus didn’t like to think about his old bridge and how the goatshad buffeted him off it. ‘No, it’s not. My bridge is a long way away, up in themountains.’‘But there aren’t any mountains near here. You must live miles away. How areyou going to get home?’‘I … I don’t know,’ said Bogamus. ‘I was out looking for a new home. Is yourhome near here?’‘Not too far, daddy will be taking us back there soon.’ Then without thinkingRose added, ‘Do you want to come? You could stay with me for a while if you like.’Where was Bogamus to stay? If he didn’t find a good bridge soon then he wouldhave to wander the lands as a bridge-less troll. Bogamus made his mind up, ‘Yesplease. Thank-you very much.’

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‘Good. Come along then, we’re going now.’Persuading Rose’s parents to let Bogamus travel home with them was surprisinglyeasy. They seemed to think that Bogamus was a new toy. Thankfully they were64Bogamus in the Real Worldwalking home, as fitting a ten foot tall troll into a car would have been impossible.Bogamus just followed Rose and her parents home.Strangely neither Rose’s parents nor any of the motorists or pedestrians seemed tonotice Bogamus on the way home. ‘It can’t be a troll, trolls don’t exist,’ they thought.‘It must be a bicycle or one of those new environmental cars or something. Maybeit’s a bus or a lorry. That’s it! It’s a big green lorry that is walking along thepavement with that little girl and her parents. It all makes perfect sense when youthink these things through.’After a few minutes they arrived at Rose’s house which was on a small road nottoo far away from the town centre.Rose’s mum opened the front door. Rose went through the door and turning toBogamus asked, ‘Are you coming?’When Bogamus tried to follow Rose his shoulders got stuck in the doorframe. Hehad to twist and duck to get in the house. Rose’s dad heard Bogamus thumping thedoor as he entered but thought that there must be something wrong with the doorhinges, no doubt in need of some oil. Bogamus entered the hallway. The onlypeople’s houses he had been in were Princess Ellatra’s palace and The Enchanter’scastle. Somehow this felt different, it felt smaller. Bogamus was so tall that he had tocrawl through the hallway. Rose went into the living room and carefully, so as not todamage anything, Bogamus followed.Magical creatures, such as trolls, can be unusually sensitive. Bogamus lookedaround the living room. It was full of strange boxes covered in little red and blue andgreen lights that glared and glowered at Bogamus like menacing eyes. They ruledthis room and would not accept any challengers, least of all from a troll. In a panicBogamus turned round and round but everywhere he looked there was anothermachine, its coloured eye staring back.‘Stay still, Bogamus, you will break something carrying on like that.’‘I can’t stay here with all these machine!’‘Machines? What machines?’‘This room is full of them. Looking at me with their coloured eyes.’65Bogamus the Troll‘You mean like the telly?’ said Rose pointing at the television.‘Whatever it is I can’t stay here.’‘Well we can go into another room,’ suggested Rose. ‘Come on. Let’s try thekitchen.’In the kitchen Rose’s mother was busying herself and didn’t notice a ten foot trollducking and twisting through the door. Without giving it another thought she turnedthe kettle on. Bogamus turned pale at the whistling that the kettle gave as the water

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boiled. It controlled this room and all invaders should be wary. The radio burbled itsown warning on the other side of the room while in the far corner the fridgemurmured ominously. Its front decorated with colourful plastic letters attached withmagnets, no doubt medals of past victories. There was no room for a troll in here.Bogamus backed out of the kitchen.Quite how they got Bogamus up the stairs Rose was not sure. But the rooms upthere were no better. Bogamus complained that the electric toothbrush and showerran the bathroom, the computer dominated the study and the alarm clock controlledthe bedroom. Even Rose’s own room was full of machines that worried Bogamus.‘Don’t they have machines where you come from?’ asked Rose.‘Some, yes. But they aren’t so angry. I try to avoid them anyway.’‘But if you can’t stay near machines then where are you going to stay?’Bogamus looked out of the window and across the garden. At the back of theunkempt garden was a shed. ‘How about out there?’‘Dad’s usually too busy to do anything in the garden,’ said Rose as she andBogamus wandered towards the garden shed. ‘There’s just the gnomes and the shed.’‘Gnomes!’‘Yes, they don’t do much, they just stand by the pond.’‘That’s not what I heard about gnomes. They are usually up to mischief, althoughsome are all right if you keep on the right side of them,’ said Bogamus.‘I don’t think so. These are made of stone.’‘Oh, so they are not real then.’Rose looked at Bogamus wondering how much more real you can get than stone.66Bogamus in the Real World‘Anyway, you won’t like the shed,’ said Rose opening the shed door. ‘It’s full ofmachines.’Indeed it was. There was the lawn mower, a fertiliser sprayer, a gas barbecue andall sorts of spades, forks and things for the garden.‘Oh no, this is fine.’‘But it’s full of machines. How can you possibly like this?’‘Ah, you see these machines are all asleep.’‘What do you mean?’‘Well they are not moving or making any noise.’Rose was a little confused by this. Machines did not sleep.‘What’s more there are no glaring lights. I’ll just make myself some space andI’ll be fine here,’ said Bogamus. He started moving the sleeping machines out of theway to make room for him. Bogamus took care as he moved the machines to makesure that none of them woke up.When this was finished they both left the shed and Rose went back to the houseleaving Bogamus in the garden. Bogamus took a long careful look at the gnomes.While they might look as though they were made of stone you never could be toosure. There were three of them. One was sat down holding a fishing rod, one wasplaying a banjo and one was dancing to the banjo playing. All three had large grins

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on their faces. It was now getting dark and Bogamus was tired. He moved away fromthe gnomes, went into the shed and shut the door.So it was that for a while Bogamus came to stay in the shed in Rose’s garden.The whole time he stayed there he was never found out. Rose’s parents rarely went tothe shed. Indeed the only creatures that ever noticed were the neighbourhood catswho made a point of avoiding the shed while Bogamus stayed there.67Bogamus and RoseThe following morning Rose went into the garden to see how Bogamus was afterhis night in the shed. She found Bogamus sitting outside the shed, staring at the threegnomes.‘Are you alright?’ asked Rose.‘Well, I suppose so,’ replied Bogamus.‘You look bothered.’‘It’s the gnomes, you can never really trust most gnomes.’‘Don’t be so silly. I keep telling you, they are made of stone. They don’t doanything. There’s the banjo player, the dancing gnome and the one holding threefishes.’Rose stopped. She had to think about this. Gnomes are made of stone and cannotmove. That last gnome must have been holding the fishes last night and must havedone so ever since she first saw him.‘How did you get these gnomes?’ asked Bogamus.‘Oh, some friends of mummy and daddy gave them to us. To begin with therewas just the one but they keep sending us more. Mummy and daddy don’t really likethem. But they’re from such good friends that they can’t throw them away.’‘That doesn’t sound like friends. It sounds more like gnome mischief. If I knowgnomes then they turn up unexpectedly, are usually unwelcome and come from a landfar, far away. Where were these from?’Rose picked the dancing gnome up and looked at his base.‘It says “Made in China.”’‘Is China far, far away?’‘I suppose so.’‘Well, there you go.’‘That’s enough about gnomes,’ said Rose replacing the dancing gnome in hisplace. ‘I want to know what a large, green troll like you is doing in Bealey.’‘Well. Um. You see there were these three, um. Do you really need to know?’68Bogamus and Rose‘If I’m going to let you stay in my shed then yes I do. Three what? Lions?Tigers? Dragons?’‘Er no. Um.’ Bogamus paused and looked around him. He was more than a littleembarrassed to admit to what had happened. But he couldn’t lie to Rose who hadgiven him a place to sleep and he had to tell her something. ‘Goats.’‘Goats! Is this some form of joke?’

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‘No. Hummm ... Let me explain. You see trolls live under bridges and I livedunder a particularly homely bridge …’Bogamus told Rose all about the three billy goats Gruff and how they sneaked,tricked and buffeted him off his bridge.‘And ever since then I have been travelling along the river looking for a newbridge to live under. Eventually the river led me all the way to Bealey.’‘And have you been able to find a new bridge to make your home?’‘No. None of them are really trollish.’Suddenly Rose was struck by a thought. ‘There’s a bridge not too far from here.We could go and have a look at it. Maybe that would be a trollish bridge?’They set off immediately to investigate the bridge. Rose went on her bike andBogamus ran behind her. His long legs meant that he could easily run as fast as Rosecould peddle. Soon they reached the bridge. The bridge was on the main road goingout of Bealey. The road was busy, full of cars, vans, lorries and motorbikes.‘So, what do you think?’ asked Rose.‘Its a lot bigger than my old bridge,’ replied Bogamus.‘It has to be, the river is wider here and it needs to be strong enough for all thecars.’‘What did you say?’Rose raised her voice, ‘I said it has to be because of the river and the cars.’‘I suppose so.’‘Maybe it would be quieter under the bridge. Come on.’69Bogamus the TrollBogamus followed Rose down a path that led under the bridge. The rumble oftraffic above echoed around the bridge’s arch. A towpath ran under the bridge. Rosestarted to wander under the arch.‘Well, its certainly roomy,’ began Rose but was stopped by Bogamus.‘Shush!’ Bogamus put one of his large fingers to his lips. Bogamus and Rosebacked out of the arch and hid just outside.‘Why are we hiding?’ asked Rose.‘Shush!’ repeated Bogamus. ‘Have a peak under the arch.’Rose bent her head around and looked under the arch of the bridge. At the otherend of the arch were three men standing on the towpath and talking.‘There’s just those three men talking. So what, people are allowed to walk on thetowpath and to talk if they wish.’‘True, but I’ve seen those men before.’‘But you don’t know anyone from Bealey?’‘Let’s keep quiet and listen.’‘So do we all know the plan then?’ asked Kofkor.‘A plan! I didn’t know we had a plan,’ replied Rumpus.‘Of course we have a plan.’‘Oh you mean the one The Enchanter told us.’‘How many times must I tell you, now that we are in real world we can’t call him

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The Enchanter. They don’t have enchanters in the real world. We have to call him…’‘The Boss,’ said Rumpus and Blalbar together.‘And don’t forget it.’‘But does he still have his magic?’ asked Blalbar.‘Of course he has magic, he’s The Enchanter.’‘But if we have to call him the Boss then he’s not The Enchanter. Before he wasThe Enchanter, so we knew had had magic. If he’s not The Enchanter no more thendoes he still have magic?’Rumpus nodded agreeing Blalbar.70Bogamus and Rose‘Don’t be a fool. He can do magic, he’s The Enchanter but when we are in thereal world we have to call him the Boss. I mean think of all the magic he’s done.’Blalbar and Rumpus thought for a moment.‘You mean since we got thrown out of Pelina?’ asked Rumpus.‘Well, er, yes I suppose so.’The three of them thought for quite about this for a minute. Could they actuallyrecall any actual magic? Eventually Kofkor said, ‘Well never mind about that, whatabout the plan.’‘Oh yeah, the plan,’ said Rumpus. ‘I ‘ad forgotten about the plan.’‘Right, it’s all happening at the fair this afternoon. We have three cups with abottle top under one of them. The Boss mixes up the cups and people make a bet onwhich cup the bottle top is under. If they gets it right then they wins, if they gets itwrong then we wins and gets to keep their money. Except of course they never wins.’All three of them laughed at this, ‘Hur-hur, hur-ha, hur-he.’‘What sort of a bottle top?’ asked Rumpus.‘Don’t ask stupid questions Rumpus. It’s the sort of bottle top that you gets onthe top of bottles, that is why it’s called a bottle top.’‘Why do they never win?’ asked Blalbar.‘I dunno. You know how crafty the Boss is. I bet he uses a trick or two to swapthe bottle top from cup to cup.’‘What, like magic?’’I guess so. The thing is, when people realise they never win they stop betting.That’s where we come in. We make a bet and we win.’‘Do we get to keep the money?’ asked Blalbar.‘You know what the Boss said, all the money will be shared out equally at theend. One share for me and one for the Boss. One share for Rumpus and one for theBoss. Finally one share for you and one for the Boss. Nice and fair, that’s what hesaid.’‘Yeah. All’s fair at the fair,’ injected Rumpus.‘Except for us, because we’ll be cheating.’‘Hur-hur, hur-ha, hur-hur, hur-ha, hur-he.’71

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Bogamus the Troll‘Right,’ continued Kofkor, ‘when people see us win then they will think that theycan win. So they will keep having a go. Except they never win.’‘And we’ll get all their money,’ said Blalbar.‘Hur-hur, hur-ha, hur-hur, hur-ha, hur-hur, hur-ha, hur-he.’‘Right, is the plan clear then?’ asked Kofkor. ‘Can we go?’‘Wait a minute,’ said Rumpus. ‘How will we know which cup to pick?’‘Simple. When it’s our turn to pick the Boss will shake the cup with the bottle topunder it just as he finishes mixing them up.’ Kofkor looked at the other two. ‘Allclear now?’Blalbar and Rumpus nodded.‘Ok. Let’s go and clean up at the fair.’Rose and Bogamus looked at each other shocked. Their thoughts were no longeron finding a home for Bogamus but on the cheats who were going to rob the people ofBealey at the town fair that afternoon. They clambered back up the path and wenthome.When they arrived it was past midday and Rose had to have her lunch. Bogamuswent straight through to the garden as he could not relax in the house surrounded byall the machines.After lunch Rose went out to discuss what was to be done with Bogamus. In thegarden she saw the three gnomes by the pond. They were all sat down with the banjoand fishing rod to one side. They each held a plate with the skeleton of a fish on it.All three gnomes looked a little plumper than normal.Rose thought that this was strange. The gnomes were made of stone and thereforecould not possibly move. As they cannot move they must have been in this pose allalong. Although she thought that the gnomes had been playing the banjo, dancing andfishing. She decided that she must be mistaken. The gnomes had always been as theywere now.Thinking no more of this Rose said, ‘What are we going to do about that “Boss”and his three thugs? They’ll have their guess the cup game set up at the fair ready tocheat and trick all the people in Bealey.’72Bogamus and Rose‘There’s not much that I can do. Most people cannot see me. They think thattrolls don’t exist and that I’m not here. How could I talk to them if they think I don’texist? What we need to do is scupper their cheating.’‘How can we do that? If their boss is an enchanter he is sure to be able to see you.What’s more you’re too big to just sneak in, there’d be a troll shaped gap in thecrowd.’Just then a high-pitched voice interrupted, ‘Why don’t you use us? I could helpyou.’‘So could I.’‘And so could I,’ replied a second and third voice.Rose and Bogamus slowly turned to look at the three gnomes.

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‘Yes it’s us. The three gnomes.’‘Real enough for you now?’ said Bogamus.‘Or are we still not to be trusted?’‘Well now that’s not fair,’ said Bogamus. ‘Some gnomes are just fine.’‘You shouldn’t judge what you don’t know,’ said the fishing gnome.‘Little fellows like us might be just what you need,’ continued the dancing gnome.‘Maybe you want little fellows to hide under the table,’ said the banjo playinggnome.‘Oh, we know all about the guess the cup game,’ said the fishing gnome.‘What good would you be under the table?’ asked Rose. ‘How could that help thepeople of Bealey and stop them loosing their money?’‘Well now, what’s the bottle top made of?’ asked the dancing gnome.‘I dunno, some kind of metal I guess,’ said Bogamus.‘They’re made of steel, aren’t they,’ answered Rose.‘And what moves steel?’ asked the banjo playing gnome.‘Magnets!’ exclaimed Rose and immediately dashed into the house, up the stairsand into her bedroom. For her last birthday she had been given a set of magnets.There were round magnets and bar magnets and iron filings that the magnets movedinto patterns. But the best magnet of all was the strong magnet. It was shaped like ahorseshoe and was kept separately from the other magnets. If the bottle top got too73Bogamus the Trollnear it would be sucked towards the strong magnet. Rose rushed back to the gardencarrying the strong magnet. She passed the magnet to the fishing gnome. The fishinggnome held the magnet near his fishing hook, it swung toward the magnet. ‘Youmove the magnet and the bottle top follows. The people of Bealey will know whichcup to pick when the bottle top taps the side of the cup.’Excited by this plan Rose carefully packed the three gnomes and the magnet intoa backpack. The gnomes immediately started complaining about how crowded it wasin the backpack. Rose told them to keep quiet. When they had calmed down a littleRose, Bogamus and the three gnomes set off. Rose cycled, carrying the gnomes onher back, while Bogamus ran behind.As they left the house Rose called to her parents, ‘I’m just going to the fair, Iwon’t be long.’‘Cycle safely and make sure that you are back by tea-time,’ replied her mother.‘You are wearing your helmet aren’t you?’‘Yes mother, of course I am,’ said Rose as she left.Her father watched them go. He thought about what he saw.‘Darling,’ he said after Rose had left, ‘what would you say if I told you that Rosewas cycling to the fair with three arguing gnomes poking out the top of her backpackand was being followed by a ten foot tall troll.’‘Well, as trolls don’t exist and the only gnomes round here are made of stone thenI would say that you were going mad. Are you going mad?’‘No, I don’t think so.’

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‘Well then you can’t have seen those things, can you?’‘Very good dear, anything you say.’Bogamus was awestruck by the fair. Part of him was terrified of the machines.Another part of him worried that somebody would be able to see him for the troll hewas. But a larger part of him found the sights, sounds and smells of the fairwondrous. The cheerful cries of children riding horses on the merry-go-round. Theroasting of nuts, grilling of sausages and pink clouds of sugar on a stick. Rose toldhim it was called candyfloss. A castle full of air that you could jump around in74Bogamus and Rose(although you had to be a good deal shorter than Bogamus to do so). A small boystaring at a fish in a clear plastic bag filled with water. The fish looked back at theboy who had just won him.Over at one side of the fair there was a particularly large crowd gathered aroundone stall. To either side of the stall sheets of canvas had been erected. Bogamus andRose (who was still carrying the gnomes) approached the stall.‘Is it them?’ asked Rose. ‘I can’t see, there are people in the way.’Bogamus looked over the heads of the crowd. At the back of the stall he saw asign saying “Find the bottle top and win ££££££££s”. He could just make out onefigure at the end of the stall. It was The Enchanter. He couldn’t see Kofkor, Blalbaror Rumpus in the crowd but they could not be far away.‘Yes, it’s them,’ replied Bogamus.Bogamus and Rose crept along the side of the stall. Rose found a small hole inthe canvas and peeped through at the antics going on in the stall. Bogamus peeredover the top of the canvas.‘What about us?’ chirped the gnomes.Bogamus picked up Rose’s backpack and held it up over the canvas sides, thegnomes peered down.Looking down Bogamus could see that The Enchanter was stood behind a smalltable that was covered in a purple cloth that went all the way to the ground. On thetable there were three cups. If The Enchanter had looked up then quite possibly hewould have seen Bogamus. But he was too interested in the cups, the crowd and themoney he was making.The Enchanter’s hands moved quickly mixing up the three cups. You could justabout keep up with what he appeared to be doing. What was difficult to see was whenhe switched the bottle top from one cup to another. But people seemed to think thatthey could keep track of which cup the bottle top was in. A man in the crowd pointedat one of the cups and handed over a ten pound note. Carefully The Enchanter pickedup the cup to reveal that the bottle top was not there. He pocketed the money,replaced the cup and started mixing them up again.75Bogamus the Troll‘That’s it,’ said the man who had lost the money, ‘I’ve had enough of this game.I’ve lost all my cash. I’m going home. I don’t know what my wife will say.’ He

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started to move his way back through the crowd.To one side of the crowd stood Kofkor, Blalbar and Rumpus. The Enchanternodded at Rumpus. When he finished mixing up the cups he gave one of them aslight shake. Rumpus walked forward, handed over a ten pound note and pointed atthe cup that The Enchanter had shaken. The Enchanter lifted the cup to reveal thebottle top.‘Well done sir,’ said The Enchanter handing Rumpus back his money and anotherten pound note.‘That’s all right Boss.’ The Enchanter glared at Rumpus. ‘Er, I mean stranger,’Rumpus corrected himself.‘There you see, plenty of winners at this game. Now who will have another go?’asked The Enchanter as he started mixing the cups up again.‘There’s not moment to lose,’ said the gnomes. ‘Let us down there and we willput a stop to this.’Bogamus passed the backpack down to Rose who picked the gnomes out. Thethree gnomes wasted no time. Taking the magnet with them they crawled under thecanvas, through the legs of the crowd, lifted up the purple cloth and hid under thetable. Rose kept on looking through the hole in the canvas while Bogamus lookedover the top.The gnomes were not tall enough to reach the underside of the table, but this didnot prove to be a problem. The fishing gnome climbed on top of the dancing gnomeand stood on his head. Then the banjo player, who had the strong magnet tucked inhis belt, climbed up and stood on top of them both.‘Careful,’ said the dancing gnome.‘Shhh,’ replied the banjo player.At three gnomes high they could just reach the underside of the table. The cupsmade a scraping noise as The Enchanter mixed them up. When the scraping stoppedthe banjo player moved the magnet underneath the left cup, then the right cup and76Bogamus and Rosethen the middle cup. When he moved it under the middle cup there was a slight tap.The magnet had dragged the steel bottle top into the side of the cup.Above the table one of the crowd had handed over his money and was just aboutto select the right cup when he heard a slight tap from the middle cup. He changedhis mind and picked the middle cup. The Enchanter picked up the cup.‘Oh, bad luck sir,’ said The Enchanter without looking down and started to pocketthe money.‘But that’s the bottle top. I’ve won!’The Enchanter looked down and gasped when he saw the bottle top. The man hadpicked the correct cup. This wasn’t right.‘Oh. Er, well done sir. You see plenty of winners at this game.’ The Enchanterhanded the man his money and his winnings. He started mixing the cups up again.‘Who’ll have another go? Will we have another lucky winner?’There was a slight tap from the left hand cup. A woman in the crowd came

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forward.‘Twenty pounds on the left cup please.’The Enchanter lifted the left cup. There was the bottle top again.‘What, again!’ The Enchanter could not believe this. Two winners in a row, thisshould not happen. He handed the woman her money back and her winnings.Something was wrong. He looked behind him but there was nobody spying.A third game was played. Again there was a soft tap as the bottle top moved intothe side of the middle cup. Again The Enchanter lost money. This was too much.The Enchanter paused to think for a moment. If there was nobody behind him thenmaybe there was someone under the table.Under the table the three gnomes were still stacked on top of each other waitingfor the cups to be mixed up again.‘Why is he waiting?’ said the dancing gnome. ‘What’s going on?’77Bogamus the Troll‘Look-out, there’s a hand,’ said the banjo player pointing to the base of the purplecloth. The Enchanter was reaching under the table, groping around trying to findanyone or anything that might be there.Quickly the dancing gnome ran to the far edge of the table, right up against thepurple cloth and as far away from The Enchanter’s hand as possible. The othergnomes were still balanced on top of him.‘Careful, I’ll fall!’ said the banjo player.‘Shush,’ said the fishing gnome.The Enchanter waved his hand around under the table, missing the gnomes by aninch. Finding nothing the hand withdrew.‘Phew, that was close,’ said the fishing gnome.The Enchanter was puzzled. What was causing the people to guess the correctcup? It must be just good luck. Never mind, they cannot be lucky for much longer.There must be more money to win from them.‘And who wants to play again, who’s feeling lucky?’ said The Enchanter as hemixed the cups.But again there was a slight tap on the side of one of the cups and a man in thecrowd guessed the right cup and won. A fifth game was also won. The Enchanterwas losing money.‘Right, that’s enough. No more games, the stall is shut,’ declared The Enchanter.‘Wait a minute,’ said a man in the crowd. ‘We’ve been losing money allafternoon. You’ve got to give us a fair chance to win our money back.’‘Yeah, it’s only fair,’ said another.‘Oh no, I don’t think so,’ said The Enchanter.‘I insist, we must play again. The fair does not shut until evening and all the otherstalls are open.’‘Yeah, play again,’ said another voice from the crowd.‘Play again, play again, play again,’ the crowd chanted.The Enchanter looked to Kofkor, Blalbar and Rumpus for help but they were

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powerless against the whole crowd. The Enchanter had no choice.78Bogamus and Rose‘Very well we shall play again,’ he said at last and started mixing the cups upagain.Bogamus watched a few more rounds. Every time there was a slight tappingsound from the one of the cups and the crowd were easily able to guess which was thecorrect cup. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. Bogamus and Rose decided toleave the gnomes to get on with it and explore the fair.They both had a wonderful time at the fair. Rose won a coconut by throwing aball and knocking it off its stand. Bogamus got to try the candyfloss he had seenearlier.The Enchanter was forced to play on for most of the afternoon. Eventually all ofthe money he had won earlier in the day had been returned to the crowd. Once thecrowd realised that there was no more money to be won they seemed quite happy togo away. From across the fairground Rose could see the crowd around TheEnchanter’s stall moving away.‘It looks like it is all over. I had best go back and get the gnomes,’ said Rose.‘Ok, where will I meet you?’‘Bogamus, nobody else is ten foot tall and green. I think I will be able to find youwherever you are.’Bogamus smiled as she ran off. Just then he heard another voice behind him.‘Well look who it is, it’s our young friend Bogamus.’Bogamus turned around to see Vera carrying a large cactus plant and Edith with abox of chocolates.‘Prizes on the tombola. We always win at the tombola,’ said Vera.‘Oh yes, we always win. What have you been up to Bogamus? Having fun?’Bogamus nodded.‘I hear that there was some fuss at the guess the cup stall. A young man wastrying to cheat people out of their money. But I hear it turned out all right in the end,’said Vera.‘I should think that he’s just about finished giving back his ill gotten gains,’ addedEdith.79Bogamus the TrollThere was a shout from the direction of The Enchanter’s stall.‘Maybe you had better get along there quickly. There might be some moretrouble today,’ said Vera.Bogamus didn’t need to be told, he was already running.Rose noticed that The Enchanter’s stall was closed. The front of the stall wascovered in canvas, much like the two sides. Rose had just collected her bicycle whenshe heard the shout. It was The Enchanter.‘Argh! Gnomes! Get them! Kofkor, Blalbar, Rumpus where are you? Get thelittle creatures, it’s all their fault.’

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‘Gnomes? What these little fellows?’ replied Kofkor.‘Yes! After them! They must have told the people which cup to pick. It becauseof them that we lost all our money.’‘Right-ho Boss, after ‘em lads,’ called Kofkor.‘What about my sausage sarnie?’ said Rumpus.‘Never mind your sausage, get after the gnomes,’ barked The Enchanter.‘Ok Boss.’The three gnomes ran out of the stall, panicking and screeching, ‘Help! They’reafter us!’Kofkor, Blalbar, Rumpus and The Enchanter were in pursuit. Even running asfast as they could the gnomes’ little legs made it impossible for them to get away fromThe Enchanter and his thugs. They saw Rose standing by her bike and ran towardsher. The three gnomes reached Rose, climbed up her legs and into the backpack.‘Get us out of here,’ one of then said. Rose didn’t wait she got on her bike andsped off.‘After her!’ yelled The Enchanter, ‘she’s got three gnomes in her backpack. It’sall their fault.’Being able to see a ten foot troll run through a crowd in the real world is quite asight. Being as big as he was and running as fast as he did Bogamus could not helpbut bash into people and, more often then not, knock them over. But most people in80Bogamus and Rosethe real world refused to believe that a troll is really there. They just assumed thatthere was some other logical explanation as to why they fell over.So it was that when Bogamus sped past the tea tent one lady spilt a tray of teacupsover the vicar. Several sponge cakes and their cream filling were launched at thetown mayor and a patrol of scouts had their faces covered in strawberry cheesecake.Yet none of these incidents were blamed on a troll hurrying by. Some thought it wasextra slippery mud, others blamed it on a strong gust of wind or there not beingenough strawberries on the cheesecake this year.Leaving a trail of confused and slightly messy people Bogamus made his way toThe Enchanter’s stall in double quick time. As he arrived he could see The Enchanterand his three thugs running after someone. It was Rose and the gnomes. Bogamus setoff after them.Rose soon cycled out of the fairground and started to head home. There were stilla lot of people about and she had to keep swerving to avoid people, which slowed herdown. If she could escape the crowds then she could go faster and lose The Enchanterand his thugs. Rose turned left down a side street. She could still hear the fourpursuers not too far behind her. She turned right and right again and to her horrorfound herself in a cul-de-sac. There was no way through at the end.‘Turn around, we may still be able to get out of here,’ said one of the gnomes.But it was too late The Enchanter and his three thugs were already in the cul-de-sac.They spread out across the road and advanced. There was nowhere for Rose toescape.

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‘Our quarrel is not with you, little girl,’ said The Enchanter. Now that they hadRose and the gnomes cornered they did not need to run, instead they walked towardsRose. ‘It’s those three gnomes in your backpack I want. Hand them over and you cango.’‘No! The gnomes do not belong to you.’‘Don’t be foolish. The entire town is at the fair. There’s nobody around.’ TheEnchanter and his three thugs reached Rose. ‘There’s nobody to stop us.’81Bogamus the TrollThe Enchanter, Kofkor, Blalbar and Rumpus all loomed over Rose. Slowly TheEnchanter reached down to take the backpack with the terrified gnomes still in it. Butthen a large green finger tapped him on the shoulder. The Enchanter froze where hewas. Carefully The Enchanter and his three thugs turned to see who was behind them.‘Er, Boss.’‘Yes, Rumpus.’ The Enchanter gazed up at Bogamus. At ten feet tall he toweredover The Enchanter as much as The Enchanter had towered over Rose.‘There’s no such thing as trolls, right?’‘Why do you ask that?’‘Well there’s a ten foot tall green creature in front of me. Only it can’t be a trollas you said trolls don’t exist. Least ways not here in the real world, right Boss?’‘Ten foot tall and green. No, that would be a troll.’‘Oh. Only, er, I’m scared of trolls, Boss.’‘I’m scared of trolls too,’ said Kofkor.‘Me and all,’ added Blalbar.Bogamus put his thumbs in his ears, wiggled his fingers, stuck his tongue out andrasped as hard as he could. He rasped at Kofkor, he rasped at Blalbar, he rasped atRumpus and last of all he rasped at The Enchanter.The Enchanter screamed, barged past Bogamus and ran out of the cul-de-sac andaway as fast as he could. Kofkor, Blalbar and Rumpus saw him go, looked up atBogamus, looked at each other and screamed even louder. They ran away as fast astheir legs could carry them. Bogamus watched them go and when he was sure thatthey would not come back he turned towards Rose.Tears were running down her cheeks but there was a big smile on her face.‘Thank-you so much Bogamus.’ She ran forward to hug him. The three gnomesclimbed out of the backpack and started to sing and dance around Bogamus and Rose.Anyone living in the cul-de-sac would have seen a strange scene. If you believedin trolls and gnomes then seeing such creatures in the flesh would have been amemorable sight. If not then a young girl scaring off four grown men may well haveseemed even stranger.82Bogamus and RoseBogamus, the three gnomes and Rose all made it back home in time for Rose’stea.No one knows exactly what happened to The Enchanter but he never returned to

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either Bealey or Pelina. Indeed most people think that he never regained his magicalpowers. Some say in order earn a living he now performs tricks at children’s parties,making rabbits appear out of hats and handkerchiefs appear from inside your ear. Thesame people say that The Enchanter has three assistants, who are not noted for theirbeauty.83Bogamus the BraveAfter their adventure at the fair life calmed down for a few days. Bogamus sleptin the shed at night and stayed in the garden during the day. Rose’s mother and fathercould not see Bogamus and were not bothered by having a ten foot troll living in thegarden. Once or twice Rose’s father would look straight at Bogamus and scratch hishead. Thinking hard he would say, ‘Well it looks like a t… But no, it can’t be. Imean they don’t exist, everyone knows that. It must be something else. A newgarden plant or something.’Rose would collect any left overs from the family meals and any other scraps shecould get her hands on and take these outside for Bogamus to eat. Bogamus wasparticularly fond of potato peelings, which Rose thought was disgusting.Bogamus did not like to go into the house if he could possibly avoid it. Themachines still bothered him. He only went into the house if he and Rose were goingout somewhere as Rose lived in a row of terraced houses and the only way to get fromthe garden to the front of the house was to go through the house. They tried visitingother bridges nearby, but none of the bridges were even remotely trollish. Most weretoo large or too busy and none of them felt homely or welcoming. They were fine ifyou wanted to cross a river or a railway line but not the sort of place you would wantto live.Soon they had tried all the bridges near Bealey. There were other bridges outsideBealey but the further away they went the river got wider and the bridges needed to belarger still in order to cross the river. Besides they were all too far away for Rose tocycle there and Rose wasn’t supposed to take the bus on her own. Rose thought that ifshe told her parents that she would be going with a ten foot troll then they would notunderstand. They might even find it funny.Bogamus didn’t know what he was going to do. Although he was enjoyingstaying with Rose he couldn’t stay there forever. Eventually Rose’s mother wouldwant to know what Rose was doing with the left over food and potato peelings. Eventhe gnomes were worried. What was Bogamus going to do?84Bogamus the BraveOne night Bogamus lay awake in the shed. He felt very tired but he couldn’tsleep as he was worried about where he was going to live. Suddenly Bogamus heard ascream coming from the house. Bogamus shook his head to rouse himself, got up andleft the shed. This was not a human voice screaming but something else altogether.Bogamus moved nearer the house. He could still hear the screaming but now he couldalso hear words.‘No, stop pulling on me! Stop that! Please stop that! Please put me down, I

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don’t want to go.’These were not the voices of a person or even an animal. They were the voices ofthe machines. The machines in Rose’s house were screaming. But why wouldmachines scream? Bogamus peered in through the windows and looked into thehouse. It was dark in there but he could see something or someone moving around inthe gloom. They were picking things up and putting them in a large sack. Wheneverhe picked up one of the machines it would call out begging to be put back down. Inspite of all the noise Rose and her parents seemed to still be asleep. Maybe theycouldn’t hear the screaming.Bogamus was worried. He had never liked the machines but they seemed to bepart of Rose’s home. Also Rose and her parents liked the machines. Bogamusthought that the machines should not be moved like this. He had to get into the housesomehow, but the backdoor was locked at night and the only way round to the front ofthe house was through the house. Now a troll could quite easily smash the backdoorand get in like that. But Bogamus knew it would be hard to explain why the backdoorwas broken and he didn’t want people to suspect that there was something living inthe back garden. Anyway he didn’t want to damage the backdoor if he could possiblyhelp it. There was an open window upstairs but it was far too small for Bogamus toclimb through.Bogamus went back down the garden and woke up the gnomes.‘What is it? Why have you woken us?’‘Is it important?’‘And I was having such a lovely dream. I had just caught this fish, it was thebiggest one you ev…’85Bogamus the Troll‘Never mind about that,’ said Bogamus. ‘There’s somebody in the house takingthings. The family doesn’t seem to know that he’s there. The backdoor is locked so Icannot get in. There’s an open window upstairs but it too small for me.’‘And what do you expect us to do about it? Fly? We’re gnomes, not birds. Howare we supposed to get up there?’But the gnomes need not have worried, there was a sparkle in Bogamus’s eye. ‘Ihave a plan.’Bogamus and the three gnomes walked to the back of the house. The threegnomes climbed up, one on top of the other until they stood three gnomes high. Thebanjo playing gnome was on top and peered in through the window.‘What do you see?’ said the dancing gnome at the bottom.‘It’s just like the troll said,’ replied the banjo playing gnome. ‘There’s someonein there taking stuff.’‘Shouldn’t be allowed. Just taking stuff,’ said the fishing gnome.‘I don’t think it is allowed,’ said Bogamus.‘These things, they belong here,’ said the dancing gnome. ‘They don’t want to bemoved. No wonder they complain when he picks them up.’‘But the humans can’t hear them cry,’ said the banjo playing gnome.

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‘I know, they’re all asleep upstairs,’ said Bogamus. He looked down at thegnomes and added, ‘So we’ll have to sort this out ourselves.’ The gnomes nodded.The plan began.Bogamus picked up the three gnomes one at a time. Carefully he lifted them up tothe open window leaving them on the ledge.‘Careful, I’m not too good with heights,’ the dancing gnome complained when hegot picked up.When all three were up on the window ledge they climbed through the openwindow and onto the windowsill. They were in Rose’s parents bedroom. Holding thedancing gnome by his hands the fishing gnome lowered him as far as he could. Whenhe could go no further the banjo playing gnome grabbed the fishing gnome andlowered both the gnomes. Eventually the dancing gnome’s feet touched the floor.86Bogamus the BraveThe gnomes formed a stack of three and the banjo playing gnome was now able toclimb down the other gnomes, before too long all three were down from the sill.Quietly so as not to wake Rose’s parents the gnomes moved out of the bedroomand headed for the stairs. Getting down the stairs was easy; they just slid down thebanister rail. The three gnomes looked around. They could hear that the burglar wasin the lounge. One of the machines was screaming as it was torn away from thetelevision and pleading to be reconnected. The gnomes headed for the kitchen and thebackdoor. The key for the backdoor was in the lock. The gnomes formed themselvesinto another stack of three. The banjo playing gnome was on top and could just reachthe key.‘Why is it always me at the bottom?’ complained the dancing gnome.‘Well you don’t like heights,’ replied the fishing gnome.‘True, but I don’t like weights either.’The banjo playing gnome turned the key and then grabbed the door handle. Theother gnomes dropped to the floor leaving the top gnome dangling from the doorhandle. The handle lowered and the door clicked open. The banjo playing gnome letgo of the handle and was caught by the other two. The backdoor swung open,allowing Bogamus to enter the house, ducking as he did so.‘He’s in the lounge,’ said the fishing gnome.‘Thanks. You all know what to do?’‘Yes,’ said the gnomes together.Bogamus left the kitchen and headed for the lounge, while the gnomes made forthe hallway and the telephone. They formed a tower and the banjo playing gnome,who was on top again, picked up the telephone and carefully dialed 999.‘I wouldn’t mind being at the bottom if the pair of you didn’t weigh so much,’said the dancing gnome.‘What do you mean? I’m very healthy, I eat lots of fish. Fish is good for you,’replied the fishing gnome.‘Maybe a bit too much fish,’ said the dancing gnome.‘Shush! This is important,’ interrupted the banjo playing gnome. The other two

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gnomes quietened down. The banjo playing gnome turned to the telephone receiver,87Bogamus the Troll‘That’s right, the Police please. We’ve got a burglar … Oh, he’s here right now …Oh no, I don’t think that he’ll be going anywhere soon … So you’ll send someoneover immediately … Thank-you very much.’ He put the receiver down.Normally Bogamus was only too pleased that almost everyone in the real worldcould not see him or if they did see him they refused to believe what they were seeing.It made it possible for him to follow Rose around without attracting attention.However, there were times when a troll wants to be seen. And if a troll wants to beseen then he can make sure that people see him.Bogamus crept into the lounge. The burglar was trying to untangle the variousboxes with their flashing lights from the television. The wires and cables around theback of the television were all in a tangle as the boxes tried to cling onto thetelevision. Next to him there was a large bag that looked quite full. He was far toobusy with the cables to notice Bogamus enter the room, although he stopped themoment a large finger tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and lookedstraight up at Bogamus. He stood there and gazed at the large green figure lookingdown at him.‘Y-y-you don’t s-s-suppose that I am dreaming?’ stammered the burglar.Bogamus shook his head.‘O-o-only when I saw that there was a large, g-g-g-green t-t-tr-troll behind me Ifought I must be d-d-d-dreaming. You s-see everyone knows that trolls aren’t re-rereal.’‘Oh, I’m real, very real.’‘S-so y-you’re a real troll who just caught me doing a bit of er, well, er ...’‘Burglarising.’‘Yeah. Erm, what exactly do trolls do to people they catch, erm, burglarising?’‘What do you think trolls do to people caught burglarising?’‘W-w-well, I wouldn’t want to say.’‘Nice things?’ suggested Bogamus.‘N-n-no. I don’t fink so.’‘So what then?’88Bogamus the Brave‘Well, er … if it’s not nice fings then maybe it is … er … bad fings?’Bogamus grinned, it didn’t seem such a nice smile to the burglar.‘I take it that I don’t want these bad fings to ‘appen to me.’ The burglar started tomove around the room, Bogamus followed him. ‘Only I was just about to leave, yousee this was my last job tonight.’As he was saying this the burglar picked up his bag and started edging his waytowards the door. Bogamus was about to respond when suddenly the burglar brokeinto a run. In a flash he was out of the lounge, into the hall and made for the frontdoor. Bogamus chased after him but he had to turn sideways and duck to fit throughthe lounge door, slowing him down. The burglar made it to the front door first and

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was outside. He didn’t have time to shut the door and started running away into thenight. Once outside Bogamus could move freely, his long legs bounding after theburglar and catching him up. The burglar turned to face Bogamus and as he did so hetripped up dropping his bag. Bogamus used his long, strong arms to pick the burglarup by his feet.‘Stop, stop! Please don’t hurt me. Please don’t do bad fings to me. Please.’Holding the burglar by his feet Bogamus looked at the little man dangling in theair. He hoisted the burglar up and dropped him on top of a nearby lamppost. Theburglar grabbed onto the lamppost and held on for dear life.On top of the lamppost the burglar was up at eye level with the troll. The burglarlooked across at the large troll who was keeping guard over him. Holding on wasdifficult, but he wasn’t going to fall to the ground and he wasn’t going to go anynearer the troll.‘I knew I shouldn’t ‘ave come out tonight. I should have stayed at ‘ome and ‘adsome sleep, just like everyone else does.’Bogamus looked at the burglar and stood guard. He just had to make sure that theburglar stayed where he was. After a while Bogamus heard the approaching sound ofa siren and saw flashing blue lights, the police were coming. Bogamus retreated intothe shadows, leaving the burglar alone on the lamppost.89Bogamus the Troll‘Well there’s a sight,’ said P.C. George looking up at the burglar from inside hispolice car. He turned the car engine and siren off. ‘My oh my, what have we here?’P.C. George got out of the car and approached the lamppost.P.C. George got his radio out. ‘Sarge, I’ve found the burglar. Looks like we gothim red-handed, but he’s clinging to the top of a lamppost.’‘Anything else,’ replied the radio.‘There’s a bag at the bottom of the lamppost. A swag bag if I’m not mistaken.’‘Good, bring him in.’‘Alright Sarge. Over and out.’ P.C. George put his radio back and looked up atthe burglar.‘Now sir, why don’t you come down and give yourself up. Where are you goingto run to? You can’t go up any higher and I’m down here waiting for you.’‘I’m not coming down. There’s a troll down there. It’s not safe,’ cried theburglar.‘There’s a what?’‘A troll! A big, green, lumbering troll with enormous arms who wants to do badfings to poor burglars like me.’‘Excuse me sir, are you saying that you won’t come down because there’s a trollin the area?’ asked P.C. George.‘Yeah, a troll! Big and green he is, you can’t miss ‘im. I’m not coming down.’‘And he wants to do bad things to you?’‘Bad, bad fings! I tell you, I’m not coming down.’P.C. George turned his radio on again. ‘Sarge, it’s P.C. George again. He won’t

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come down. Says there’s a troll about, a big green troll. Have we had any reports oftrolls in the area.’‘Don’t be a fool George,’ barked the radio. ‘There’s no such thing as trolls. Nowbring him in.’‘I’m telling you this troll is real,’ screamed the burglar who was in no mood forlogic or debate. ‘He’s ten foot tall and green and he put me up ‘ere. I’m not comingdown until that troll’s gone.’90Bogamus the BraveP.C. George thought for a moment. ‘Don’t worry Sarge, I think I know how tocoax him down. Over and out.’ P.C. George turned off his radio. He looked up at theburglar who was straining to hold onto the lamppost.‘Now what if I could take you to a building where there are no trolls?’ asked P.C.George.‘No trolls. Are you sure?’‘I can guarantee it. They put bars on the windows to stop trolls getting in.’‘A place where trolls can’t get in! You are saying that I could go to this buildingand there would definitely be no trolls?’‘Definitely.’‘How long could I stay there?’‘As long as you like.’‘And you can take me there now?’‘You could come in my police car. We’d be there in no time.’‘And I’d never have to face a troll again?’‘Not one.’‘Ever, ever, ever again?’‘Not ever.’The burglar looked around. From the top of the lamppost he could see a long wayand there didn’t seem to be any trolls about right now. If he was quick he might get tothis safe building before the troll came back. He thought of spending the rest of hisdays in a place with no trolls. He would never be chased by a troll again, never bepicked up and put on top of a lamppost. What is more no troll would ever do badthings to him. He would be safe from trolls. He had made up his mind.‘Ok, I’m coming down.’‘Very good sir,’ replied P.C. George.The burglar climbed down from the top of the lamppost. All the noise had wokenup several people on the street and a small crowd had gathered to see the burglar betaken away. Rose, her father and mother were among them.Afterwards P.C. George spoke to Rose’s father. ‘Bit of a close shave there sir.Thankfully someone in your house heard the burglar and called the police. I caught91Bogamus the Trollhim red handed,’ he pointed to the burglar’s sack and the families belongingsscattered around the lamppost. ‘You know what the strange thing is sir?’

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‘No, I can’t say that I do,’ replied Rose’s father.‘He claims he was put on top of the lamppost by a troll. A big green troll! Ha,ha, ha, ha.’‘Well, we most certainly don’t have any trolls around here,’ reasoned Rose’sfather.‘Of course not. There’s no such thing as trolls, everyone knows that. He musthave imagined it. No doubt he’ll be saying that gnomes called the police or somesuch. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.’‘Well we do have some garden gnomes, but they’re made of stone so I doubt theywould call the police. Isn’t that right Rose?’Rose was standing next to her father and smiled.‘But none of us heard the burglar. We didn’t wake up until we heard your siren.’P.C. George looked confused, ‘Well that is strange.’ He got his notebook out, ‘Itsays here that there was a call from your house. “We’ve got a burglar ... Oh, he’shere right now ... Oh no, I don’t think that he’ll be going anywhere soon.” And yousay this wasn’t you?’‘Oh no. We were all asleep until you arrived. Weren’t we Rose?’Rose nodded but was still smiling.They never did quite work out who had made the phone call or why the burglarwas found on top of the lamppost. Nor did they work out why the burglar had been sokeen to give himself up. Rose’s father had to speak with the police for ages. Rose’smother took Rose back to the house, gave Rose a cup of cocoa to calm her down andthen sent her upstairs to bed.The following morning there was a large pile of stuff that the burglar had tried tosteal in the hallway. It took most of the morning for Rose’s parents to put it all backin place. While her parents were busy Rose went into the garden. She foundBogamus sitting next to the garden pond and the three gnomes.92Bogamus the Brave‘Thank-you so much for what you did last night. I’m so glad that the burglar gotcaught and all of our stuff is safe.’ Rose hugged Bogamus.‘Well I was hardly going to stay here and watch him take your things. Besides Ineeded a little help from these fellows.’ Bogamus pointed to the gnomes. ‘Theyhelped me get in and it was them who phoned the police.’‘Thanks to all of you.’ The Rose turned a little more serious. ‘The thing is I’vebeen doing some thinking. You see you can’t stay here, living in the garden, eatingkitchen scraps and sleeping in the shed forever. The burglar told the policeman thathe was chased by a troll and the policeman told my parents.’Bogamus had been thinking about this too. ‘No doubt everyone in the town willhear about the burglar who was scared off by a troll before too long.’‘Yes,’ agreed Rose, ‘and it’s only a matter of time before people come to see ifthere really was a troll. I know that most people can’t see trolls but I can and I doubtthat I am the only one.’‘It’s only a matter of time before someone else sees me.’ Bogamus sensed where

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this was going. ‘And then who knows what will happen.’‘You are going to have to move out and find a proper place to stay. A bridge allof your own.’‘But we’ve looked at all the bridges around here’ said Bogamus. ‘None of themare remotely trollish. They are all too big or too noisy.’‘Or too busy. Maybe there aren’t any trollish bridges in the real world.’Bogamus frowned, he knew that this was the case.‘Actually I think there is one more bridge we haven’t checked out yet,’ said Rose.‘Now I think about it, it’s probably the most trollish bridge I know.’‘Really, where is it?’‘Follow me.’They left straight away. Rose, carrying the three gnomes in her backpack, cycledinto town with Bogamus running alongside her. Bogamus thought that they wereheading for a bridge. But instead they went to the bus stop where Bogamus had firstarrived in Bealey. Bogamus could not understand why they had come here. Before93Bogamus the Trolltoo long a bus arrived. It was leaving Bealey and going back to where Bogamus hadfirst met Vera and Edith.‘Are we taking the bus?’ asked Bogamus.‘You’re taking the bus Bogamus. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and it all addsup to this: you returning to the your bridge in the Magical Realm where you belong.’The bus doors open. Bogamus looked around at the town that had been his homefor the past few days. Where he, Rose and the gnomes had had such adventures.‘But, Rose …’‘Do you have any idea what would happen if you stayed here. Eventuallysomeone’s bound to find out that there’s a troll in Bealey. Imagine the fuss if thenewspapers found out about that.’‘But … I’ve felt more at home here than anywhere I’ve been, ever since I left mybridge,’ replied Bogamus.‘And that’s where your home is, under the bridge that you know and love, upthere in the Magic Realm. You’re a part of that place and that place is a part of you.If this bus leaves and you’re not on it, then one day you’ll regret it.‘‘But what about us?’‘We’ll always have the fairground,’ replied Rose.‘And chasing the burglar,’ sniffled Bogamus.‘Who knows, one day I may even get to visit you and your bridge up there in themagic realm.’‘Maybe, that would be nice.’They hugged once more. Then Bogamus turned around and climbed onto the bus.Even though Bogamus’s weight caused the bus to bow down on one side the busdriver didn’t seem to notice the ten foot tall green troll ducking and twisting his waythrough the bus to find a seat.As the bus pulled out Bogamus waved at Rose and the three gnomes who all

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waved back at him. Bogamus was leaving Bealey and starting his journey home.94Bogamus the BraveBogamus sat on the bus feeling glum. He knew that returning to the MagicalRealm was the right thing for him to do but he was still going to miss Rose and thegnomes. The bus stopped and two old ladies got on.‘Well look, it’s our young friend Bogamus,’ said Vera.‘Heading back home?’ asked Edith.Bogamus nodded.‘You’re sorry to be leaving people behind?’ asked Vera.Bogamus nodded again.‘Don’t be too sad,’ suggested Edith as they both sat down near Bogamus. ‘All thepeople you meet and places you go to stay with you, and you with them.’‘Rose will be all right as well. We’ll send her something to remember you by.Oh, but enough of that,’ said Vera, ‘I hear that you and Rose had all kinds ofadventures. You must tell us about them.’And so Bogamus told Vera and Edith how he had chased off a burglar, dealt twicewith The Enchanter, freeing the people of Pelina and getting the people of Bealeytheir money back. How he had persuaded a group of fairies to scare off a giant andmade a knight useful and that he was now heading back to reclaim his old bridge.Soon Bogamus forgot that he was sad to leave Bealey as he remembered all the funthat he had had and thought about the adventures that still lay ahead.Eventually the bus reached the river and stopped where Bogamus had first got ona few days earlier. The bus doors opened and Bogamus got up to leave.‘What a lot of adventures you’ve had,’ said Vera.‘Yes, I think that you are big enough and brave enough to deal with any problemhere or in the Magical Realm,’ added Edith.Bogamus smiled, got off the bus, turned and waved goodbye to Vera and Edith.When the bus had gone Bogamus crossed the road and found the path along theriverbank. Soon he was on his way back to Magical Realm.Rose went home feeling a little sad but knowing that Bogamus had to go back tothe Magical Realm. When she got back she noticed a strange thing, the gnomes hadturned back to stone. They were now stuck fishing, dancing and playing the banjo.95Bogamus the TrollJust as they were when Bogamus had arrived. Carefully she arranged them by thegarden pond in their correct place.Later that week a package arrived addressed to Rose. There was no indicationwho it was from. When she opened it there was a stone figure inside.‘Not another gnome!’ complained her father.‘Now you know that the gnomes were given to us by very good friends of ours.We can’t possibly throw them away,’ said Rose’s mother.‘I suppose so. We’ll have to put it out in the garden with the other gnomes,’replied her father.

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But Rose knew that this was not a gnome and that it had not been sent by herparents’ friends. This figure was larger than the gnomes, much larger. He had greenskin and a very nice smile.96Bogamus ReturnsBogamus wandered along the river and eventually found the shimmering dividewhere the real world meets the Magical Realm. He paused before crossing. Hethought of all the people he had met in the real world and the things he had done.Then he thought of his beloved bridge high up in a mountain valley. His mind madeup he crossed through the shimmering divide and into the Magical Realm. He foundhis boat where he had left it, untied it and started to row back up the river.He rowed past the kingdom of Pelina, now safely under the rule of King Frederickand Queen Clarissa. He felt glad that such a fine city had been saved from TheEnchanter. He rowed through the fairy woods and waved at the dragonflies dartingaround the water. One of them changed back into fairy form, smiled and waved backat him. In a flash the fairy changed back into a dragonfly and re-joined the others.Before too long Bogamus was rowing past the reeds where he met the knight. In thedistance he could just make out a figure leading a horse as they ploughed a field.Eventually Bogamus reached his home valley. Here the river was too fast flowingfor him to keep rowing. So he rowed to the riverbank, climbed out and tied the boatdown on the good side of the valley. He would have to walk the rest of the way backto his bridge and the goats. Still at least he would be walking along the good side ofthe valley bathed in sunshine and full of life. The other side of the valley was stillbarren and grey.As he wandered along the side of the river Bogamus looked ahead. He washoping that he would soon see his bridge. His home. Instead the first things he sawwere the three billy goats Gruff. What was more they were on the barren side of thevalley. They noticed Bogamus as he approached and clip-clopped over towards him.‘What are you three doing over there?’ asked Bogamus.Mydor, the cleverest of the three goats stepped forward.‘Since we met last,here we have been cast,unable to find repast,as we were in the past.’97Bogamus the Troll‘Eh?’ replied Bogamus. He never could understand Mydor, who was far tooclever by half.‘We’re stuck on the wrong side of the valley again,’ said Bydor. The largest goatwas simpler than his clever brother.‘How come? I thought you three had taken over the bridge.’Fydor, the smallest of the three goats, shook his head. ‘Not since Grunthig came.’‘Gunthig?’ asked Bogamus.‘He’s an even bigger, meaner, nastier troll than you were Bogamus,’ replied

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Fydor. ‘He’s taken over the bridge and won’t let anyone pass. He forced us backonto the barren side of the valley.’‘And here we stay,without a wisp of hay,as we waste away,dreaming of the day,when over the river we find a way.’Bogamus still could not understand a word that Mydor said.‘We need to get back to the good side of the valley,’ said Bydor.‘But we cannot with Grunthig on the bridge,’ continued Fydor.‘Grunthig’s our woe,but if he were laid low,we could go to and fro,and all would be glow.’Even the other two goats struggled to understand Mydor sometimes.‘I know we’ve had our differences in the past,’ said Fydor. ‘But I think thisGrunthig is bad for us all.’‘Perhaps you could challenge him to a Trolling Match?’ suggested Bydor.When a troll takes over a bridge it is theirs to keep until another troll successfullychallenges them to a Trolling Match. When challenged, the troll who holds the bridgemust name three events for the Trolling Match. These events can be anything trollish:roaring and scaring passers by are common events, but so are rock smashing, head98Bogamus Returnsthumping, knee biting and goblin throwing. However, it is entirely up to thechallenged troll to pick the events. Grunthig would be able to pick whateverchallenges he wanted. Maybe something that Bogamus had never done before.Whichever troll won the most events would be the winner and would claim thebridge. The loser would have to leave, never to return. If Bogamus were to win hewould get his bridge back and Grunthig would be banished for good. But if he wereto lose then Bogamus would have to leave, never to return.Bogamus approached the bridge. Sure enough Grunthig stood on the bridge,checking both ways and making sure that nobody crossed his bridge. As he drewcloser he could see that the goats were right. Grunthig was indeed a massive troll,half again as tall as Bogamus. What was more he looked stronger and meaner thanBogamus had ever been. He had a large scar running from his left eye, down hischeek to the edge of his lips and he seemed to have a permanent sneer. Bogamusdoubted that Grunthig would have a nice smile, not that he would smile very often.In spite of Grunthig’s size and strength Bogamus advanced and called out hischallenge.‘Bogamus the Troll am I.With a fee-foe-fie.To a Trolling Match I challenge you.To see who will stay and who will go.

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So name your events three.And let’s see who is worthy.’Grunthig listened to the challenge. Even by troll standards his voice was deep andrough. ‘A Trolling Match is it? Hargh-hargh. Good! Life here has been too simple,too boring. Three events it is and I get to name all three.’Bogamus nodded.‘First event, scaring things. You stand on this bridge and when I point atsomethin’ you have to scare it.’99Bogamus the TrollBogamus agreed and moved onto the bridge. Standing next to Grunthig he wasonly too aware what a large, powerful troll Grunthig was. Eventually Grunthigspotted a group of three rabbits.‘See them,’ he pointed at the rabbits. ‘Scare ‘em.’Bogamus knew what he was going to do. He put his thumbs in the ears, wiggledhis fingers as hard as he could, stuck his tongue out as far as it went and rasped asloud as he could until he could not rasp a moment longer. The rabbits looked up atBogamus, turned and ran back to their warren. Bogamus had managed to scare therabbits.‘Not bad,’ said Grunthig, ‘now it’s my turn.’Grunthig surveyed the valley looking for creatures to scare. Eventually he saw acouple of deer emerge from some nearby trees. ‘I’ll do them.’Grunthig let out an almighty roar. A roar that started deep in his belly, rose upthrough his throat, out of his mouth and into the valley. The sides of the valleyseemed to shake with the noise of his roaring. When the sound finally subsided aneerie quiet filled the valley. Not only had the deer fled, but every creature and bird inthe valley had hidden for fear of Grunthig’s roar.Grunthig turned around sure that he had won the first event. But Bogamus wasnowhere to be seen.‘Bogamus, where are you?’ called Grunthig.Bogamus crept out from behind a nearby rock.‘Erm … Well, I didn’t want to get in you way while you were roaring,’ saidBogamus.‘You sure that you weren’t scared?’ asked Grunthig.‘No, no, no. I just didn’t want to get in your way.’‘Sure?’Bogamus nodded.‘Well have it your way, but I won the first challenge,’ said Grunthig.Bogamus had to agree.The three billy goats Gruff were deep in conversation.100Bogamus Returns‘I’m not saying that I want a troll in our valley,’ said Fydor. ‘But, if we have tohave one then I would rather have Bogamus than Grunthig.’

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‘Oh yes,’ replied Bydor, ‘we might even be able to reason with Bogamus to allowus back over to the right side of the valley. Somehow Grunthig doesn’t seem the typeto reason with goats.’Mydor said:‘If a troll there must be,then Bogamus I would see,on …’‘Do you have to talk like that all the time?’ interrupted Bydor.‘Of course not,’ replied Mydor, ‘although it is good for confusing trolls. Thething is that Grunthig holds the bridge and so he can choose the events giving him anadvantage. What is more, Grunthig is a much bigger, stronger, nastier troll. Bogamusis not going to win.’‘Unless we were to give Bogamus a hand,’ suggested Fydor.The three billy goats Gruff agreed on this and headed off towards the bridge.‘Second event, listening,’ said Grunthig. Although you may not believe it, goodhearing is a key trollish skill. Trolls cannot stay alert to guard their bridge all thetime, they have to eat and sleep like the rest of us. They rely on their good hearing totell when someone is approaching their bridge. Even when sleeping a troll can hearyou coming.Mydor and Bydor approached the bridge from the barren side. Fydor wasnowhere to be seen.‘Right I’ll pick one of those two goats,’ Grunthig pointed down the valley atMydor and Bydor. Bogamus wondered what had happened to Fydor. ‘He’ll creep upon you while you look away. If you can ‘ear him, say so. Do you understand?’Bogamus nodded.‘Good.’ Grunthig looked at the two goats. One of the goats was a normal sizedgoat while the other was far larger. Of the two, the larger goat was bound to make101Bogamus the Trollmore noise. Bogamus would have the normal size goat leaving Grunthig with thelarger, noisier goat. Grunthig went up to the normal sized goat. ‘What’s your name?’‘Mydor is my name.Please do not me maim.For what should I aim?And I will try to attain.’‘What?’ asked Grunthig who was as confused by Mydor’s rhymes as Bogamuswas.‘He’s called Mydor, what do you want him to do?’ translated Bydor.‘Oh right. I couldn’t understand ‘im. Creep up on that troll over there and don’tmake any noise.’‘Which troll would that be,the one with his back to me?’‘Well I don’t see any other trolls. Now creep up to him and make sure he don’thear ya.’

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Mydor crept forward. He had to make Grunthig think that he was doing his bestnot to be heard. But at the same time he had to make sure that Bogamus did hear him.He crept forward avoiding any twigs, leaves and loose rocks. The ground slopeddown as it approached the river and the bridge. Soon Mydor reached a large rockbalanced on the sloping ground. Still under the gaze of Grunthig he carefully climbedto the top of the rock. As he reached the top, the rock started to tilt forward. It wasgoing to fall over. Mydor jumped of the rock just in time and landed on the groundwith a thump.Bogamus heard the noise. He pointed straight at Mydor and said, ‘I heard youlanding.’Grunthig grunted in agreement. He marked the place where Mydor had beenheard and moved to take Bogamus’s place on the bridge.‘Right now it’s my turn to listen. Go and get a goat to creep up on me. I’ll tellyou when I can hear it.’ Grunthig thought that there was only one goat left, Bydor.He was such a large goat that he would make an enormous trampling that could beheard a mile off. He took his place on the bridge, turned his back and waited.102Bogamus ReturnsBogamus reached Bydor.‘So you have to send one of us goats to creep up on Grunthig?’ asked Bydor.Bogamus nodded.Fydor, the smallest of the three billy goats Gruff appeared. He had been hidingnearby. ‘Maybe I could be of assistance. I can creep as quiet as a mouse, remember?’Indeed Bogamus could remember. Fydor had crept over the bridge whileBogamus slept beneath it and had not heard a thing. Bogamus agreed and Fydorstarted to creep towards Grunthig.Fydor stepped forward gracefully and carefully. He did not break a twig, rattle arock or rustle a leaf. He moved slowly but silently and drew closer to Grunthig.Grunthig cupped his hands to his ears as he strained to hear any sound howeverslight. Surely the big brute of a goat had started. He should have heard a tramplingby now. Maybe Bogamus had admitted defeat and had run away? Maybe theTrolling Match was over and he had already won? But he dare not turn around justyet. If the goat was still creeping and he turned then he would automatically lose thisevent. He waited and listened.Suddenly there was a tapping on his leg. Grunthig turned around and saw a smallgoat standing behind him.‘Where did you come from?’ bellowed Grunthig.‘Why just over there,’ replied Fydor pointing at Bogamus and Bydor.‘But you weren’t there earlier.’Seeing that Fydor had reached Grunthig, Bogamus walked up to the bridge. ‘Youdidn’t say which goat,’ said Bogamus, ‘just that I should get a goat to creep up onyou.’Grunthig growled. ‘Ok, you win this one. That’s one all. The third event, thedecider, will be a race.’

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The race was to take place along the river. The two trolls walked away from thebridge and along the river. Grunthig, as the defending troll, was able to select the sideof the river he would race on and chose the good side. Bogamus was on the other sideof the river among the barren rocks. The race would be back to the bridge. The first103Bogamus the Trolltroll to stand on the bridge would be declared the winner and would own the bridge.The loser would be banished from the valley.With the two trolls gone the three billy goats Gruff were able to cross the bridgeto the good, fertile side of the valley. Starving from weeks spent on the barren side ofthe valley they immediately started eating grass.After he had had his fill Bydor said, ‘Even though we are back on the good sidewe ought to give Bogamus a hand. To make sure that he wins.’‘Indeed we should,do all that we could,in Bogamus’s bid,to be of Grunthig rid …’‘Enough poetry Mydor,’ interrupted Fydor. ‘You’re the brains, do you have aplan?’‘Indeed I do,’ replied Mydor, ‘now I suspect that Grunthig will try to cheat.’Fydor and Bydor both agreed with this. ‘Well, we should be able to use this to ouradvantage.’When the trolls were just over a mile from the bridge Grunthig said, ‘That’s farenough, we will race back from here.’ Both Bogamus and Grunthig turned aroundand took their marks to start the race. ‘When I shout “go” we start racing.’Bogamus nodded and waited for Grunthig to start the race.Grunthig smiled to himself. The river ran in a bend between the start line and thebridge. The curve of the river would mean that Bogamus would have further to runthan he would. What was more Bogamus was on the barren side of the valley. Hewould have to cross rocks and boulders and these would slow him down. But, just tobe sure, Grunthig would try one more trick.Suddenly Grunthig jumped up from his marks and started running back to thebridge. ‘Go,’ he shouted but he was already in the lead. Bogamus was up andrunning in a flash and started chasing after Grunthig. But Bogamus found that nomatter how hard he tried he could not make up the ground he had lost to Grunthig.The bare rocks beneath him were uneven, if he went flat out he would slip and fall flat104Bogamus Returnson his face. Grunthig had green grass to run on and could go as fast as he pleased.Soon Grunthig’s lead started to grow. Bogamus was worried that he would lose thisevent and be banished from both the valley and the bridge.Grunthig was pleased. The race was going well, he had built up a good lead onBogamus and was confident that he would win the race. Ahead, just next to a smallwood, he could see one of the goats, the middle sized one.

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‘What do you want?’ shouted Grunthig as he reached Mydor.‘For a little of your time,I will help with your crime.If you wish to win the race,then listen to my case.’‘What? I can’t understand you.’Mydor pointed to a path leading into the woods.‘If you venture down this path,your course will be cut in half.Run through the treesand you will win with ease.’‘What do you mean? I can’t understand it when you talk in rhyme. Are yousaying that this is a short cut?’‘Yes, that’s the plan,I’ll help where I can…’‘Right, I’ll take it,’ said Grunthig and ran off along the path through the woods.‘… To ensure Bogamus a winand the health of my kin.’But Grunthig was already gone and did not hear the end of the verse.Grunthig pounded through the woods. He could just see sunlight at the end of thewoodland path. Soon he would be out of the woods and then onto the bridge. Therace would be won and the bridge his.If only he hadn’t cheated and taken a short cut. If only he had not run so fast. Ifonly he had looked at the ground as he left the woods and burst into sunlight. Then105Bogamus the Trollmaybe he would have seen Fydor hiding there and seen Fydor lift up his hoof to triphis feet. Maybe if just one of these things had not happened then Grunthig would nothave fallen head over heals, spun a somersault through the air and landed on his backbanging his head. If he had not done these things then maybe he would have won therace.As Grunthig lay on the ground dazed he saw Bydor, the largest and strongest goat,approach. Bydor pinned Grunthig to the ground with his front hooves.‘Oh, my head,’ moaned Grunthig, ‘my head hurts.’ Then he slumped into sleep.When Grunthig came to he looked up and towards the bridge. As his visioncleared he could see that the bridge was full of creatures. Somehow he was notsurprised to see that the three billy goats Gruff were there. But there were also deer,rabbits, elves and all the real and magical creatures of the valley, all standing on thebridge. Behind them, having reached the bridge moments before, was Bogamus.Bogamus beamed in triumph. ‘It seems I won the race. That’s two-one to me.The bridge is mine.’‘It’s not fair, you all cheated. I would have won that race were it not for youpesky goats,’ roared Grunthig.‘You cheated as well,’ replied Bogamus, ‘at the start line and with the short cut.

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If you hadn’t taken the short cut then you might have won.’Grunthig did not know what to say. Instead he roared in frustration.‘You can’t scare us now, Grunthig. There’s too many of us, you can’t take us allon,’ said Bogamus. ‘You know the rules. You lost the Trolling Match, the bridge ismine and you are banished.’Grunthig did know the rules. With his head hung low he started walking awayfrom the bridge and out of the valley. Bogamus, the three billy goats Gruff and all thecreatures of the valley watched him go.When he had gone Mydor turned to Bogamus and said,‘Grunthig the troll has gone,the day has been won.The bridge is now yours,106Bogamus Returnsunderneath water pours.Across we cannot swim,or jump from rim to rim.We got here as a team,but how shall we cross the stream?’‘Why does he always talk like this?’ said Bogamus, ‘I can’t understand a wordhe’s saying.’‘We all helped you get your bridge back,’ said Bydor.‘But if you take over the bridge,’ continued Fydor, ‘then we are back where westarted. How are we all going to get across the river?’Bogamus had to think about this for a moment. ‘Well,’ Bogamus paused, the eyesof every creature in the valley were staring straight at him, waiting for his answer.‘How are we going to get across?’ repeated Fydor.‘Well ... ‘ begun Bogamus.‘What are we going to do?’ asked Bydor.‘I … I … I ... er,’ said Bogamus.‘What is the solution?’ enquired Mydor.‘Er … we could build a second bridge.’107Bogamus TodayFrom that point on everyday was a good day for Bogamus. All the creatures ofthe valley, including Bogamus and the three billy goats Gruff, worked together tobuild a second bridge. Here the barren side of the valley proved most useful, for thiswas strewn with rocks and stones and these were used to build the bridge.Mydor, who had agreed not to speak in rhyme so that everyone could understandhim, designed the bridge. Bydor and Bogamus lifted the stones and carried them tothe site for the new bridge. Fydor helped cut them to size and everyone, including theelves, rabbits, deer and even the troublesome goblins, helped put the stones in place.In just a few days the second bridge, located about thirty yards upstream fromBogamus’s bridge, was finished. Bogamus got to live under his bridge, and a fine

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trollish bridge it was too. But now the creatures of the valley were free to cross fromone side of the river to the other using the second bridge. Soon the new bridgebecame known as ‘The Free Bridge’. Bogamus even had a sign put up next to hisbridge that read:‘Troll Bridge - No Entry.Please use the Free Bridge to cross the river.’However, a troll’s duty to guard his bridge cannot be forgotten. So if ever acreature had been particularly naughty then, as a punishment, it would be made to tryand cross the Troll Bridge. Bogamus, who really was a very fine troll, would hear theapproaching creature and call out his warning:‘Bogamus the Troll am I.With a fee-foe-fie.This bridge don’t come near.Or I’ll tear off your left ear.I’ll gnaw your right arm.To your belly I’ll do harm.So keep well away.108Bogamus ReturnsIf you want to see another day.’The naughty creature would run in a panic back to their mother and would alwaysbe better behaved for the rest of the day.Every creature in the valley, especially the three billy goats Gruff, knew that theyhad the finest troll anywhere in the Magical Realm or, indeed, in the real world.And so they lived and still live now.WQW109If you have enjoyed Bogamus the Troll then you will love Villainous Vic, also byNathan A. Jones.Villainous Vic‘Oi Vic, wot you up to?’‘Never you mind Tel, go back to your bunk and pretend like you never sawnothin’.’‘But I can’t see nothin’, it’s dark in here.’Indeed, in the depths of the night the inside of the prison cell was pitch black.Toothsome Terry, the notorious "Bealey Brigand" and Vic’s cellmate, had beenwoken from his slumbers by the sound of metal grating on metal.‘Good, that way you won’t get in no trouble,’ replied Vic.‘Naa, youse is up to something, I knows it. What’s that noise I can hear?’‘I’m just filing the bars on our cell window.’‘Where’d you get the file from?’‘You’re asking too many questions Tel. What you don’t know can’t get you introuble. Know what I mean?’‘Yeah, s’pose so. But what you doing it for?’

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‘I is escaping, gettin’ out of here. I’ve been cooped up in this prison cell for toolong. You wanna come with me?’‘Escape! Go out there, into the outside world! No way, I know where I’m safeand I’m safe here in this cell, with four walls to protect me.’‘Fine with me, stay here if you want, but I’m getting my freedom back and takingmy chances on the outside.’‘But Vic, I fought you was scared of the outside. I fought you said there’s trollson the outside. Big, green, scary trolls that will do bad things to hard workingcriminals like you and me. You said you was going to stay here forever in a nice safeprison.’110Villainous Vic‘Yeah I did say that, but fings change,’ the filing noise stopped as Vic spoke. ‘Igot taken to this doctor, who told me that the troll was just my mind playing tricks onme.’‘Really?’‘Yeah, apparently there is no such fing as a troll so it can’t have been a troll thatchased me up a lamppost that night. It can’t have been a huge, green troll thatthreatened to do bad fings to me, as trolls just don’t exist. Apparently the troll wasjust an an-throw-morph-a-fing.’‘A what?’‘I’m not sure what it means either Tel, it’s a big word that the doctor used. I finkit means that the troll is sort of everyfing that I’ve ever worried about.’‘How can that be? I worry all the time and I don’t see anyfing big an’ green chaseme up lampposts.’‘I guess these doctors are just so clever that they invented somefing where yourfears and worries can become a big, green troll. Anyway it don’t really matter, what’simportant is that there is no such fing as trolls. Not then, not now, not never. If therearen’t any trolls then I don’t need to hide in ‘ere, acting like some scared-y-catworried a troll might be about to bosh ‘im.’ The sound of Vic filing the cell barsstarted again. Vic had soon filed straight through one of the bars. He caught thefalling bar and carefully placed it on the floor.‘Is this it Vic, are you going?’‘Yeah, I fink I can just fit through this gap and then I’ll be outside and free again.You sure you don’t want to come with me?’‘No fear Vic, I’m staying right here. This prison cell is my home and I ain’tleaving it.’‘Suit yourself. It’s been nice knowing you Tel but this is it, goodbye,’ said Vic.‘Bye Vic,’ replied Toothsome Terry.With that Vic squeezed his thin body through the gap in the bars and disappearedinto the night. Toothsome Terry sat in his bunk bed wondering what to do now thathe was alone in his prison cell. He was worried, worried about his old mate Vic andwhat might happen to him now that he was on the outside. Lying down in his bed111

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Villainous VicTerry turned on his side and said, ‘I fink he’s just made a terrible mistake,’ beforeclosing his eyes. Soon the only sound in the prison cell was Terry’s deep snoring.‘Good evening and thank-you for holding. Welcome to the Majesto PencilSharpening Helpline. Majesto Pencil Sharpeners - sharpening your pencils to thepoint of perfection. How can I help you today?’The sergeant at Bealey police station was a large, powerful man. But for all hisstrength the current night shift was presenting him with a problem. He was sitting athis desk with one hand holding a telephone receiver and one of the fingers on hisother hand sticking into a machine in front of him on his desk.‘Evening all,’ said Sarge, ‘I’m using one of your pencil sharpeners and I seem tohave a … pencil stuck in it.’‘I’m sorry to hear that sir. So, just to confirm I’ve understood this, you have apencil stuck in the sharpening mechanism.’‘A pencil, yeah.’‘Well I’m glad to say sir that all Majesto Pencil Sharpeners come with a safetyrelease mechanism, we’ll have that pencil unstuck in a jiffy. You see the pencilclasping levers?’‘The ones holding the pencil in place?’‘That’s correct sir. If you squeeze those levers together with one hand and pressthe release button on the back of the unit with the …’‘Wait a sec,’ Sarge placed the telephone between his shoulder and his ear,squeezed the clasping levers and gasped as metal teeth released their grip on hisfinger. ‘Right I’m squeezing the levers, now what?’‘With your other hand press the release button.’‘What other hand?’‘You have two hands sir?’‘Of course.’‘Well, squeeze the levers with one hand and press the release button with theother?’‘But … I can’t do that?’112Villainous Vic‘Well you’ve got two hands haven’t you sir, one for the levers and one for thebutton. Are you sure it’s a pencil you’ve got stuck in the machine?’Sarge placed the phone on the desk and, heaving himself out of his chair, peeredat the back of the machine. Sure enough there was the release button. Maybe if hereached over he could press the button with his nose and release his finger. He leantover the machine straining his neck as far as he could, his nose reaching for thebutton. At this precise moment there was a loud knock on his office door and insprang P.C. George.‘Something’s happened at the prison sir,’ blurted out George.‘You’ve only been here a few months, George. When you’ve got a few moreyears under your belt you’ll learn when not to disturb a senior officer.’

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‘But a prisoner’s escaped from Bealey Prison.’‘I’ll deal with it in a minute George. Now leave me alone.’‘But it’s Villainous Vic who’s …’‘In a minute George.’‘Ok Sarge, I can see you’re busy. Is everything alright with that pencilsharpener?’‘Yes, just fine. Now if you could just leave me alone for a moment.’‘Only you seem to have your finger stuck in it.’‘Well that’s where you’re wrong. I don’t have my finger stuck, I’m justexamining the machine.’‘Only if you have your finger caught then all you need to do is squeeze theclasping levers and press the release button. You’ll have it free in no time.’‘Yes I know, but I don’t have my finger stuck so I don’t need your help. Now ifyou could just leave me alone for a moment.’‘Very good Sarge,’ George turned and left, shutting the door as he went.Sarge uncoiled himself from the pencil sharpener and reaching for the telephonereceiver he realised, just a little too late, that releasing the clasping levers would freethe metal teeth to bite into his finger.‘Are you all right sir?’ asked the helpful voice on the end of the phone.‘I’m just having a little difficulty reaching the release button.’113Villainous Vic‘Oh I’m sorry to hear that sir. Majesto Pencil Sharpeners prides itself on thequality and usability of its mechanical pencil sharpeners. Pencils sharpened to thepoint of perfection, that’s our motto.’‘Is there any other way to release my finger … I mean pencil from the sharpener?’‘No sir.’‘Goodbye.’ Sarge put the phone down.‘It was a good job we were able to free you from the pencil sharpener,’ said P.C.George. Sarge’s finger was bandaged up, making it impossible for him to drive. As aresult P.C. George had to drive Sarge out to Bealey Prison to investigate the breakout.‘Yeah, I suppose so. Is it much further to the prison?’ replied Sarge.‘Not far now.’Bealey Prison was a few miles out of town, with the last mile or so being a narrowcountry lane. George peered out through the car’s lights, into the pre-dawn gloom. Inthe distance two lights shone back at him.‘Looks like there’s a vehicle coming towards us sir,’ said George.‘Yeah, so?’ replied Sarge.‘Well, maybe we should ask them whether they’ve seen anything suspicious thismorning.’‘Such as?’‘Well, maybe they caught a glimpse of Villainous Vic on the run. I mean, if he’son foot then he can’t have gone too far,’ said George.‘I suppose so,’ replied Sarge. ‘What kind of vehicle is it?’

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George tried to see past the dazzle of the approaching lights.‘It looks like a … like a … like a milk float. I think we’ve found the milkman.’Unable to pass each other on the narrow lane both vehicles came to a halt. P.C.George and Sarge got out of their car and approached the milk float. The driverstayed put in the cab of his milk float.‘A little early to be out and about would you not say?’ asked Sarge.‘Well, er, you see I wos, er, just er, out an’ about, er, of a morning,’ replied thefigure from the darkness of the cab.114Villainous Vic‘He’s the milkman Sarge. They’re always up early, got to do their milk rounds, toget you your milk in time for breakfast,’ said George.‘Yeah, that’s right, I’m the milkman an’ I’m doing my milk round,’ said thefigure.‘Thank-you for that George. So who are you delivering to out here then?’‘Out ‘ere, crumbs I dunno. I guess there’s ‘ouses with people in ‘em who wantstheir milk,’ replied the figure. George strained his eyes to see into the cab, but hecould not quite make out the figure in there.‘But Sarge, this road only leads to Bealey Prison,’ said George, ‘so either hepicked up his milk there or he just delivered some.’‘Yeah, that’s right, I just delivered milk to the prison, ‘course I did, silly me,’ saidthe figure.‘And now you’re off to Bealey for more deliveries?’ added George.‘Yeah, that’s right. Gotta hurry up into town, I’ve got lots of milk to deliver.Can’t keep the people waiting.’‘Hmmm,’ Sarge thought about what he had heard. ‘Well, we’d best not detainyou.’George and Sarge went back to their car and reversed back to a passing place toallow the milkman to continue on to Bealey. Before too long they were back on theirway to Bealey Prison.‘So what do we know about this Villainous Vic then?’ said Sarge.‘Well it was me that caught him a few months ago,’ replied George.‘What? You?’‘Yes. A strange one he was though. I found him at the top of a lamppost. Hesaid there was a big, green troll about and that he wasn’t coming down in case the trollgot him. In the end I offered to take him to prison so that he’d be safe from the troll.’‘But I thought that Villainous Vic was the most infamous villain that Bealey hasever known?’‘Oh he is, but it turns out that the most infamous villain that Bealey has everknown happens to be scared of trolls.’‘Were there any trolls around that night?’ asked Sarge.115Villainous Vic‘Of course not. There’s no such thing as trolls, everybody knows that.’

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‘So why, if he is so scared of trolls, has he decided to escape. I mean trolls are noless real now than they were then?’‘I don’t know, maybe a short stint in prison has changed him.’‘But this means that you’ve seen Villainous Vic, in the flesh?’‘Oh yeah.’‘So you’d recognise him if you saw him?’‘Definitely.’A few minutes later the car pulled up at the prison gates. George showed hispolice badge to the prison guard on duty who opened the gates for them. As theyapproached the main building a figure came running through their car’s headlightsheading straight for them.‘Who’s this now?’ asked Sarge.‘It’s the prison governor,’ replied George as he wound down his window.Breathless the governor arrived at their car. ‘Thank-you for coming so quickly.We’ve had a second crime tonight. We’ve just found the milkman, gagged and tied.What’s more, someone has stolen his uniform, his security pass and his milk float.’‘Two crimes in one night! What sort of a person lives in a place like this?’bellowed Sarge.‘Well criminals mainly, this is a prison you know,’ said the governor.‘Oh yeah, I forgot,’ said Sarge.‘But aren’t we missing something?’ said George. ‘Maybe it’s just one crime.Perhaps it’s Villainous Vic who gagged the milkman and then made off in his milkfloat.’‘But we saw the milk float out on the road,’ said Sarge.‘You mean you’ve seen the Villainous Vic tonight?’ asked the governor.‘Yes, it looks as though we did pass him on our way here,’ said George.‘I thought you said that you’d be able to recognise him. Why didn’t you saysomething when we saw him?’116Villainous Vic‘Maybe he recognised me and stayed in the dark of his cab so that I couldn’t seehim.’

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