bold leader development strengths-based emotional intelligence

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By: Ben L. Dilla, PhD, BCC

Bold Leader Development

©2019, Benjamin L. Dilla

STRENGTHS-BASED

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:

HOW YOUR STRENGTHS CAN HELP

YOU ENHANCE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE


BOLD LEADER DEVELOPMENT

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INTRODUCTION: REALIZING A NEED FOR CHANGE

Which of the following have you encountered with your team or interacting with other teams

in your organization?

Individuals who are consistently difficult to work with

Team members with big blind spots in their interactions with others

People who harbor resentment over past transgressions of others on the team

Team members who don’t give each other feedback for fear of the repercussions

Teams which perform below their capabilities due to counterproductive norms of

behavior

Teams that have an unhealthy distance from their leader, limiting their performance

Individuals (or teams) with great potential if they could enhance their interpersonal skills

Each of us has opportunities every day to have more productive interactions with others,

and to manage our own emotions better as we go through the challenges of the day. This is

the realm of Emotional Intelligence (EI).

Often, we get so accustomed to the way things are and don’t stop to think that things could

be different. Sometimes, however, we have to face the need for change. It might be our own

stress, or a blow-up in a relationship, that makes us confront the way things are. Or it might be

a new opportunity that we see but know it’s impossible unless we enhance certain interactions.

Whether the circumstances are negative or positive, you come to the realization that change

is needed.

After first recognizing a need for change in yourself or your interactions with others, three

more steps are needed to create the needed change and make sure it persists. You must

assess your current skills in Emotional Intelligence, apply your Strengths and, finally,

implement new behaviors and gauge results. The process of change looks like this:

Identify Challenge,

Opportunity, or Goal

1 Assess Emotional

Intelligence (EI) Skills

2Apply your Strengths

3 Take Action & Assess Results

4

Figure 1 - Strengths-Based Emotional Intelligence Change Process

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Developing Strengths Based Emotional Intelligence is a highly personalized process drawing

upon an individual's core talents to enhance EI skills needed for specific opportunities. Because

of this, I speak throughout this paper in the voice of a coach/facilitator. Whether you're

interested in Strengths-Based EI for yourself, development of one or more members of your

team, or training for all leaders in your organization, I invite you to join this journey from the

perspective of a participant in the process.

Pause to Reflect & Apply (or Discuss with Others):

1. What is a current situation for you where you need to manage your emotions better,

improve a relationship with someone else, or develop a new skill to take your

interactions with others to an entirely new level?

2. Throughout this paper, I’ll use the example of working with a difficult person, because it’s

a common concern and often at the heart of other challenges and opportunities we

face. Think of a person with whom you’d like to improve your interactions. Jot down

their initials and any relevant details about why a change is needed:

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DEFINING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

All of the situations in the introduction present an opportunity in the realm of Emotional

Intelligence (EI) – how you deal with yourself and others in the context of emotions and

interactions. For most of us, EI is most notable when it’s lacking in someone, or when it’s very

well-developed. Fortunately, research has shown that our EI skills can be developed and

improved.

EI is about you and others in the context of emotions, and involves aspects of both

awareness and management. EI is often defined in terms of these four components – self-

awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.

Components of

Emotional

Intelligence

Self Others

Awareness

Self-Awareness

• Self-control

• Confidence

Social Awareness

• Empathy

• Political awareness

Management

Self-Management

• Self-control • Adaptability

• Motivation

Relationship Management

• Communication & Influence

• Conflict Management

• Teamwork & Collaboration

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The components provide a useful diagnostic for things you might need to do in any

situation or interaction. Going back to the opening question about your team(s), each of the

four components are relevant for how you might personally deal with a difficult team member:

You might realize that this person has mannerisms or expressions that remind you of

a difficult sibling, classmate, or coworker from the past who pushed your “hot buttons.”

This realization (increased Self-Awareness) could help you in future interactions through

a higher level of self-monitoring for early warning signs of frustration.

Perhaps one of the things this individual does that irritates others is starting side

conversations with others during team meetings. Instead of trying to forge ahead and

talk over the side conversation, you decide that when you observe this behavior you will

pause, wait for the person to stop talking, and ask, “Is there something you’d like to

contribute to the rest of the team?” before proceeding (Self-Management tactic).

In speaking with others on the team, you might find out that the difficult person is having

a tough time at home due to conflict with a spouse or partner or dealing with a sick

child. This gives you new insight as to why the individual might be on edge and difficult

to deal with (enhanced Social Awareness).

You might see that this person has strong opinions and is naturally outspoken (without

much of a filter between their thoughts and their words). To help counter this behavior,

you could study, practice, and apply assertiveness techniques (Relationship

Management strategy).

It’s one thing to define Emotional Intelligence and much more challenging to apply the

skills in practice. This is a journey for which most of us need a guide, but it has to be a guide

who understands the challenges you face. Just reading a book on Emotional Intelligence isn’t

likely to help, because many books on EI are written by who seem to innately have a sensitivity

to emotions in themselves and others and have strong skills to deal with them. Making the

translation for those of us who don’t naturally have these skills at the same level can be

difficult. Individual coaching or training customized to your specific issues of concern is the

best route for producing real change in EI, as research has shown.

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The fact is, we all have some people in our lives who are difficult to deal with. EI provides

the insight and the tools to show you what you can do in these situations. Note that all of the

suggestions above focus on your behavior, not forcing change on the other person (who may

indeed benefit from emotional intelligence training or coaching). Through awareness of

emotions in yourself and others, managing your own emotions and managing relationships in

the context of emotions, you can have more productive and fulfilling interactions with others.


1. How would you assess your own Emotional Intelligence – high, moderate, or low?

Which components do you believe are strongest? Which are weakest or most in need

of development?

2. What feedback have you received from others where their perceptions don’t align with

your own view of your EI? This might be an indication of blind spots you need to address.

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Now Consider Your Strengths

Let’s next examine what we mean by a “Strengths-Based” approach to EI or any other

skill set. This perspective comes from the field of Positive Psychology which focuses on the

psychology of normal and even exceptional behavior, as opposed to the focus of much of the

field of psychology on abnormal or dysfunctional behavior. Positive Psychology assumes that

each of us have tremendous untapped potential and are capable of self-efficacy and self-

actualization; that we have the answers to life’s challenges and demands within us. Positive

psychology is about discovering potential rather than uncovering problem s or recovering from

trauma.

For the purposes of this introduction to Strengths and EI, I’ll refer primarily to the

excellent work of the Gallup organization in identifying people’s natural talents and helping

them develop into strengths. Gallup’s work is of course built around the StrengthsFinder

assessment – now known as CliftonStrengths in honor of Dr. Don Clifton, the author of the tool

and one of the early founders of Positive Psychology. If you haven’t yet taken the

CliftonStrengths assessment, I highly recommend it. However, taking the assessment and

reviewing the results isn’t enough for most of us to get the maximum value. Jim Clifton, current

CEO of Gallup (and son of Dr. Dr. Don Clifton) has said that people need one-on-one interaction

with a coach to gain the most insight and value from their strengths.

There were 34 talent themes that emerged from Gallup’s research on peak performance

and are assessed by the CliftonStrengths assessment. (The assessment is a gauge of talent

or a predisposition to think, act, or interact in a particular way. Combining talent with knowledge

and skills results in strength, which Gallup defines as repeatable excellence in a particular

activity.)

Research on the 34 Gallup strength themes has revealed four domains of strengths:

Strategic Thinking, Executing, Influencing, and Relationship Building. Gallup says all work

teams must be able to function well in these four domains to be productive. Of course, not all

individuals will have strengths in all areas – an important reason why we need each other in a

team context to be most effective.

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Strategic Thinking Executing Influencing Relationship

Building

This domain focuses

on gathering and

analyzing

information, making

decisions, and

setting a path for the

future.

These themes have

to do with bringing

structure and order,

making things

happen, and getting

things done.

Themes in this

domain focus on

taking charge,

communicating, and

getting whatever is

needed from others.

In the arena of

building

relationships,

themes help people

to bond with one

another and create

team synergies.

• Analytical • Context

• Futuristic • Ideation

• Input

• Intellection • Learner

• Strategic

• Achiever • Arranger

• Belief • Consistency

• Deliberative

• Discipline • Focus

• Responsibility • Restorative

• Activator • Command

• Communication • Competition

• Maximizer

• Self-Assurance • Significance

• Woo

• Adaptability • Connectedness

• Developer • Empathy

• Harmony

• Includer • Individualization

• Positivity • Relator

The CliftonStrengths assessment gives people a listing of their Top 5 Strength Themes.

Those strengths may lie in just one or all four of the domains; most people will have strengths

in two or three of the four domains. No particular pattern is better than another. When you take

a Strengths-Based approach, you focus on the use of your “signature strengths” to address a

challenge or opportunity in front of you. This works not only with task-related issues but also

in our interactions with others.


1. If you’ve taken the CliftonStrengths assessment, what were your Top 5 Themes? Which

domains do they fall in? What have you done with this information to improve your

performance?

2. If you haven’t taken a strengths assessment, you can gain insight on your strengths by

writing down or talking through examples of your “peak experiences” or

accomplishments, and then analyzing common themes (i.e., talents) that emerge from

those examples.

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PUTTING IT TOGETHER: APPLY YOUR STRENGTHS TO

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

If you have an EI “opportunity” such as dealing with a difficult coworker, how does that relate

to your strengths? The answer is two-fold. In my experience from strengths-based coaching, I

believe your strengths define your mindset about EI and also provide the toolkit for enhancing

or improving EI. Your mindset reveals the areas of EI that may come most naturally for you –

and those that will require more effort. Your strengths are also your toolkit of skills to apply to

the areas where you want to grow. For the greatest chance of success, you must apply your

strengths to address your challenges and needs.

A STRENGTHS-BASED MINDSET FOR EI

First, consider your mindset towards EI. We know that people are both rational and

emotional beings; that is, we think and we feel in virtually everything we do. Two of the four

strength domains are more on the rational side – Strategic Thinking and Executing. These

strengths are often applied to task-related issues, such as analyzing aspects of a problem or

charting the path to accomplish a goal.

Where the Strategic Thinking and Executing domains do tend to help most naturally is

on the “Self” side of EI skills – Self-Awareness and Self-Management. People with Strategic

Thinking skills are often reflective individuals who spend a lot of time “in their own heads”

thinking about issues and problems. This tendency for reflection helps with Self-Awareness.

Those with Execution skills are great at putting together a plan for action and implementing it.

While they may not be naturally attuned to the world of emotions around them, these skills are

often applied very productively to Self-Management.

The other two domains – Influencing and Relationship Building – focus more on the

emotional side of life and particularly how we interact with other people. Strengths in the

Influencing arena tend to focus on communicating, selling, or persuading people. Relationship

Building themes center on how you interact with others and are often described as the “glue”

that holds a team together.

Strengths in the Influencing and Relationship Building domains tend to align with the

“Others” side of EI – Social Awareness and Relationship Management. These relational strengths

help build bonds with others and create synergies among the members of a team.

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Self-Awareness Social Awareness

Self-Management Relationship Management

Strategic

Thinking Execution Influencing

Relationship

Building

Think about someone whose strengths fall primarily in Strategic Thinking and Executing,

such as my colleague Lynn. He’s a brilliant business strategist and one of the most productive

people I know, yet he’d be the first to admit he has struggled with interpersonal skills. Lynn

would say that managing interpersonal relationships hasn’t come naturally for him, and it’s still

something he has to consciously work at. Yet he has a good level of self-awareness and

manages himself well in the challenges of most situations.

Alternatively, consider someone who has most or all of their Top Five Strengths in

Influencing and Relationship Building, like my friend Maya. She is outgoing, well-connected with

others on her team, and readily able to persuade and win others over to her point of view. Some

of the themes in these domains clearly correlate with EI skills and even have the same titles,

such as Communication and Empathy.

Figure 2 Strengths-Based Mindset for EI Self- vs. Others-Orientation from Strengths

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No single mindset is going to be effective in all situations that call upon Emotional

Intelligence. For example, some interactions in organizational situations require careful

analysis of subtle factors in both the rational and emotional realms. This might involve a

combination of Strategic Thinking and Relationship Building strengths. Your mindset, based

on your top strengths, tells you which EI skills might be relatively easier for you to develop and

which will require more conscious thought and intentional effort.


1. Do your strengths better equip you for the personal, self-reflective side of EI, or for the

social side – understanding others and managing relationships? What examples can

you recall?

2. To what extent do you have different skills (in different domains) that lend themselves

to each of the elements of EI?

A STRENGTHS-BASED TOOLKIT FOR EI

Your unique blend of strengths also gives you the toolkit to develop the EI skills you

need in order to be effective and interact well with others. (The same could be said about

applying your strengths to any challenge, new skill, or perceived weakness.) A strength-based

philosophy simply says that you should use the strengths you have to accomplish the things

you need to do. Trying to take a “non-strength” and develop it takes too much time and effort,

and typically you’ll never be better than mediocre if you try. But if you can engage your

strengths, you’ll be more motivated to apply yourself and can accomplish more.

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Another key strengths-based principle to remember is that you can utilize any strength you have

to address any opportunity or challenge you face. While skills in the Strategic Thinking and

Executing domains might align more closely with Self-Awareness and Self-Management, these

strengths can also be applied to Social Awareness and Relationship Management. Likewise,

strengths in the Influencing and Relationship Building domains, which naturally align with

Social Awareness and Relationship Management, can also be employed to enhance Self-

Awareness and Self-Management.

Figure 3 - Strengths-Based Toolkit for EI Any Strength Can Be Productively Applied to Any Skill

Strategic Thinking

Execution

Influencing

Relationship Building

Self Awareness

Social Awareness

Self Management

Relationship Management

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Consider examples in the table below as ways you could apply strengths in each domain to

enhance your EI skills. (Your specific strengths in each domain might be different but could be

applied in similar ways.) And remember the formula that says you have to add knowledge and

skills to raw talent to build a strength. On your path to greater EI skills, you might be refining a

strength that you feel you’ve been using throughout your life, or you might be developing a

strength that comes out of the CliftonStrengths assessment as a new insight for you.

CliftonStrengths

Domain Emotional Intelligence Skill/Behavior Example

Strategic Thinking

As a Learner, you could find ways to gain new skills and

knowledge in Social Awareness, such as how to read others’

emotions in verbal and nonverbal communication, and share

what you’ve learned with the rest of your team so everyone can

benefit.

Executing

Using the Achiever theme, you might build and implement a plan

for gaining and applying new skills in collaboration and

teamwork, enhancing Relationship Management within the team

and beyond it (with customers, for example).

Influencing

With the strength of Maximizer, your tendency to stimulate

personal and group excellence in others can also be applied to

yourself for new approaches to Self-Management in challenging

situations you’re facing in your work.

Relationship Building

If you have the theme of Empathy (sensing other people’s

feelings and imagining yourself in their situation), you can also

apply this to greater Self-Awareness to make sure you don’t

focus on others’ emotions to the neglect of your own emotional

health and well-being.

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1. Which of your strengths have you applied in the past to meet a new challenge?

Consider specific example of how you used an existing strength in a new and creative

way for success.

2. How might you further refine and expand your strengths in areas that are aligned with

aspects of Emotional Intelligence which you want to improve?

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AND THERE’S MORE:

EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT USE OF STRENGTHS

As we’ve seen, you will definitely find that your strengths help you enhance your EI skills.

Most people also find there is a return benefit in employing EI skills to better utilize their top

strengths. Greater self-awareness and self-management will enable you to self-monitor and

apply the most appropriate strength (or set of strengths) in a particular situation. Likewise,

having more social awareness and more skills in relationship management will help you

manage strengths in the context of others and their strengths.

The effective use of strengths is determined by situational and interpersonal

considerations in any scenario. For example, having an Influencing strength like Competition

can be employed within a team context to rally everyone to perform better than other teams

or higher than past performance. However, if two or more members of the team have the

strength of Competition, they might start vying against each other for greater influence within

the team, which could be counter-productive. Having higher EI makes you more self-aware and

able to manage yourself in the context of situations and interactions. EI also gives you the

ability to read others’ reactions to the use of your strengths to help ensure you don’t misapply

or overuse them in ways that are less effective. This is a more subtle and advanced use of EI

and strengths in combination for greater effectiveness and often requires coaching through

specific examples of your interactions with others.

Speaking of advancing, let’s wrap up by discussing some next steps you might take in

integrating your strengths and EI in the journey towards increased productivity and

effectiveness.

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Next Steps

To further explore and apply a Strengths-Based approach to Emotional Intelligence,

consider these suggestions and take action, starting today:

Determine a current challenge, need or opportunity in your work (or other areas of your

life, such as family, faith, or community). What is your goal, and how does it involve

change within you or in your interactions with others?

Do a self-assessment of your EI skills of Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social

Awareness, and Relationship Management. Determine which of these areas is most in

need of development to address the goal you have.

Ask two or three people you trust to give you their honest, candid assessment of your

skills in these areas. Listen carefully (without defending or explaining past actions) and

thank them!

Find resources (books, videos, etc.) that help you better understand and improve your

EI skills.

Practice your new skills and assess the results you’re getting in your interactions with

people.

Again, seek feedback from a few trusted friends or colleagues. Ask them what changes

they’ve noticed in your actions and how effective the changes have been.

As you experience positive change in behavior and results, celebrate the outcome and

continue to build on your success!

The potential of Strengths-Based Emotional Intelligence is limitless – a lifetime journey

of increased personal effectiveness and enhanced interactions with others in all arenas of life.

I hope this process of development and growth will be productive and fulfilling for you!

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SERVICES OFFERED BY BOLD LEADER DEVELOPMENT


➢ Personal insight through assessments and feedback sessions on a variety of tools

including CliftonStrengths, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, MCORE, DISC, and MBTI.

➢ Coaching for leaders who are working to improve skills (such as EI) and business

results, or navigate a transition such as a new organization, promotion, different role, or

new team.

➢ Coaching and team building for teams who want to take their performance to the next

level through better integration and application of their strengths for success.

➢ Speaking and training for groups of all sizes, from informal lunch-and-learn sessions to

formal training programs and keynotes at company events and conferences.

PROFESSIONAL BIO

DR. BEN L. DILLA

Ben is in his 20th year of coaching and consulting with individual clients, teams, and

organizations. His career has taken him through a diverse range of industries and

organizations including the military (US Air Force), technology, financial services,

transportation, customer service, manufacturing, retail, and healthcare. In addition to his

coaching and consulting work through Bold Leader Development, he serves as Affiliate

Professor of Management and Director of the Doctor of Business Administration (DBA)

program in the Satish & Yasmin Gupta College of Business at University of Dallas.

With his commitment to continuous learning, Ben regularly engages in coach training and

mentoring and has achieved several certifications: Board Certified Coach (BCC) by the Center

for Credentialing & Education; Gallup Certified Strengths Coach; Marshall Goldsmith’s

Stakeholder Centered Coaching process; Individual Coaching for Excellence by PDI (now Korn

Ferry). His clients get the benefit of best practices in coaching backed by experience and

confirmed by top coaching organizations.

In terms of education, Ben earned a Master of Science and PhD in Industrial & Organizational

Psychology from Purdue University and a Bachelor of Science in Behavioral Sciences &

Leadership from the US Air Force Academy. This provides his clients with the benefit of broad

knowledge of leadership and management theory, research, and best practice to draw upon.

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HOW I CAN HELP IN DEVELOPING STRENGTHS-BASED EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE


The journey to improve EI is best accomplished with the support of others, and I’d be

glad to play a part in assisting you, your team or organization in your efforts:

Send me your Top 5 CliftonStrengths themes and the area of EI you most want to

enhance (e.g., Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, or Relationship

Management), and I’ll send you a free report listing 3-5 suggestions to use your

strengths to enhance your EI.

Let me be your guide to get the most out of a personal assessment of your strengths

and EI. I can provide links to the online assessments for CliftonStrengths and Emotional

Intelligence 2.0 (at cost) and review the results with you in a feedback session that fits

your budget.

Join my next Masterclass on Strengths-Based Emotional intelligence for a deeper dive

into this topic. In this class you’ll learn more depth and detail on these topics and

develop a personalized action plan to use your strengths to enhance EI, with the support

and encouragement of others who are part of the group.

Commit to a coaching relationship, and you and I will work together to address your

challenges and opportunities with EI, personalized to your strengths. I recommend a

minimum of four coaching sessions so you can benefit from the cycle of learning, trying

new behaviors, and getting feedback at least a couple of times. For more information,

please see my website, BoldLeaderDevelopment.com.

I also coach teams in Strengths-Based Emotional Intelligence, utilizing individual

assessment results, a team strengths profile, and a facilitated process of team

development planning including mutual accountability for results.

Bring Strengths-Based Emotional Intelligence training to your organization to benefit all

teams and individuals, from those that struggle with EI to those who want to take their

skills to the next level for even greater effectiveness. Training can be customized to the

types of emotional and relational challenges most often faced in your work.

Look for my upcoming book on Your Best Self at Work for a more in-depth examination

of strengths, emotional intelligence, and other factors including core motivation that will

help you apply your strengths for better results at work every day.

https://boldleaderdevelopment.com/

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HOW I CAN HELP IN DEVELOPING STRENGTHS-BASED EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE


Are you ready to discuss your next steps in employing your

strengths to enhance your EI and improve your results?

You can request a complimentary 30-minute call

by clicking the icon “Talk to Ben today!” on

www.BoldLeaderDevelopment.com

Ben L. Dilla, PhD, BCC

Managing Director and Executive Coach


[email protected] 214-477-3510

https://www.boldleaderdevelopment.com/

mailto:[email protected]

bold leader development strengths-based emotional intelligence

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