britt kenley - [guardians of the gray tower 5] - guardian's honor

8/18/2019 Britt Kenley - [Guardians of the Gray Tower 5] - Guardian's Honor

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Guardians of the Gray Tower 5

Guardian’s Honor

Guardian Varian Dross has become a stinking drunk. He blames

himself for the death of the queen because he was the guard onduty when she was poisoned. His loss of honor has driven him to

seek forgetfulness at the bottom of a liquor bottle.

As a former addict, Masun Eselin knows just how difficult it is toovercome the grip of drugs and alcohol. Asked by his best friend

Rom to help Varian quit drinking, he is unable to refuse.

Masun and Varian are not strangers to one another. Now throwntogether by fate, the two men must face the powerful attraction

they feel for one another. When they become lovers, they decideto work together to discover the identity of the mysterious duke

who has conspired with the Angkeshi to kill the queen. Will theybe able to find him before he can strike again?

Genre: Alternative (M/M or F/F), Fantasy, Historical

Length: 27,645 words


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GUARDIAN’S HONOR


Britt Kenley

EROTIC ROMANCE

MANLOVE

Siren Publishing, Inc.

www.SirenPublishing.com


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A SIREN PUBLISHING BOOK

IMPRINT: Erotic Romance ManLove

GUARDIAN’S HONORCopyright © 2012 by Britt KenleyE-book ISBN: 978-1-62241-076-7

First E-book Publication: September 2012

Cover design by Harris Channing All art and logo copyright © 2012 by Siren Publishing, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: This literary work may not bereproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, includingelectronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, withoutexpress written permission.

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GUARDIAN’S HONOR


BRITT KENLEYCopyright © 2012

Prologue

In a medieval world very similar to our own lies the rich and

prosperous kingdom of Emryn. Emryn is located in the FarNorth and

is ruled by King Kelan the Wise. Enemies of the kingdom are many,

but most threatening is the neighboring country of Angkesh, whose

queen will stop at nothing to wrest control of Emryn for herself. The

king and the rest of the royal family are guarded by an elite group of

soldiers known as the Guardians of the Gray Tower. Called simplythe Gray by the citizens of Emryn, it is their sworn duty to protect,

with their last breath, the kingdom of Emryn and its royal family.

Their strength is unyielding. Their loyalty is unquestioning. Their

dedication unswerving.


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8 Britt Kenley

Chapter One

Varian knocked on the door to his captain’s office and stood

waiting for the call to enter. He’d been ordered to report to Rom first

thing this morning. He knew that he was in a lot of trouble, and he

dreaded the coming interview. It wasn’t going to be good. He’d

screwed up the night before, and he figured that he was in for a

serious dressing-down. The door opened, and Rom stood before him,

grim faced. Standing back, his captain gestured him in and then

closed the door behind him.

“Have a seat, Varian.” Rom nodded to one of the chairs in front of

his desk. Varian sat and waited while Rom returned to his own chair

behind the desk. The Captain of the Guardians of the Gray Tower

looked at him for several long moments, letting the silence between

them stretch and making Varian squirm uncomfortably in his seat. Hewished the man would just get to it so he could return to his duties in

the training yard. Finally Rom spoke. “Varian, I realize that you’ve

been having a difficult time of it lately. I know that you blame

yourself for the queen’s death.” Rom met his gaze with a frank

concern. Varian tightened his lips but said nothing. He saw the other

man shake his head. “I have told you that neither I nor Kelan hold you

to blame for the events of that day, yet you continue to act in a

manner that indicates to me that you did not take me seriously.”

“Because I was to blame.” Varian blurted out the words and then

shut up at the look of reprimand in Rom’s eyes.

“I’m not here to argue with you about this anymore. As far as I am

concerned, this matter is closed.” The captain shook his head.

“However, there is a larger problem. Your drinking has gotten out of


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Guardian’s Honor 9

control. Last night, your fellow Gray could not rely on you to come tohis assistance to capture a dangerous criminal because you were too

drunk to even realize there was a situation going on. Instead, he had to

get help from a civilian, a prospective priest with absolutely no

training of any sort. Brax could have been in serious trouble.”

Varian dropped his eyes guiltily.

“In addition to that, it has been reported to me by several of your

fellow soldiers that there have been a few instances when you have

reported to duty smelling of alcohol. Your reaction time has slowed,

and your temper is short. They are concerned. I am concerned as

well.”

He paused, and Varian looked up to meet his eyes. “Have you

anything to say?”

“I wasn’t on duty that night, Captain. I think I am allowed to let

off some steam on my off-duty hours. And I have never reported for

duty drunk.” He may have had a drink before going on duty one or

two times, but he had not been drunk.

Rom nodded. “I am aware of that fact, but you should know that

the Gray are always in service to the crown, even during their off-duty

hours. And if your fellow warriors worry that they cannot rely on youin a difficult situation that unexpectedly occurs, such as the incident at

Mal’s, you become a hindrance to your comrades rather than a help.”

Rom stood and came around the desk to lean against it and look down

at Varian. “Varian, it pains me to see you doing this to yourself. You

are a great soldier and a powerful asset to the Gray. I can’t count the

number of times when you have gone above and beyond your duty

and been a great source of pride to this company. But if you can’t gain

control of yourself and your drinking, you are not going to be of use

to anyone.” He let out a heavy sigh. “So I’m temporarily suspending

your duties starting immediately.”

Varian was stunned. “What? But that isn’t fair. It was just one

incident.”


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10 Britt Kenley

Rom nodded. “I thought you’d feel that way, and I truly hate to doit, but my first thoughts must be of the Gray. I have to count on the

men under my command. You are out of control, Varian. The one

incident last night was just a foreshadowing of things to come if you

continue on your current course. I’m giving you a month to get

yourself together and to resolve the guilt you feel over what

happened. Thirty days to straighten yourself out. If you are unable to

do that, I will have to release you from the Gray permanently.”

Varian could feel the blood draining from his face at those words.

Being a member of the Guardians of the Gray Tower was his life.

“Please, Rom. Give me another chance. I’ll do better. I swear it by

Salara’s Shield. Don’t suspend me. Put me on Tower duty. I’ll scrub

floors. Peel potatoes. Anything. I’ll change, you’ll see.”

Rom shook his head. “I wish I could believe that, Varian. I truly

do. But you know the situation we’re dealing with right now is critical

for the safety of Emryn. The men under my command must be men

that I trust completely, and right now, I don’t trust you to do your job.

I’m sorry. Use this time to think about what you are doing to yourself,

Varian. I care about you. I need you.”

“If you needed me so much, you wouldn’t be doing this to me.”Varian’s words were bitter as anger took the place of shock. “I know

you blame me for what happened even though you’ve denied it. The

king, too, I’m sure, holds me responsible. If it weren’t for me, Lyra

would still be alive. I let that woman poison the queen and didn’t lift a

finger to stop her. Everyone knows it. I can see it in their eyes every

time that they look at me. Oh, they pretend like everything’s okay, but

it’s obvious what they really believe.”

“You’re wrong, Varian. So wrong. No one blames you. There was

no way you could have known that Vivie was working for the enemy.

She’d been serving the queen for months, and there had never been a

problem. Tobiah used his powers of mesmerism and brainwashing to

get her to put that Elder Spice in the queen’s food and poison her.”


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“Caid knew. As soon as he saw her, he knew.” Varian narrowedhis eyes. “If he had been on duty instead of me, the queen would still

be alive. It is my fault she is dead. I have lost my honor.”

“He only knew because he’d seen her before with Tobiah. He had

information that no one else did. It could have been anyone else on

guard that day, Varian, and the results would have been the same. I

will repeat one more time. It was not your fault. You had no way of

knowing what she had planned.”

Varian just sat there, stubbornly silent. Rom was wrong. If he’d

just been more observant, he might have seen that Vivie had been

acting suspiciously. Surely she had done something that he would

have seen if he’d been paying more attention. He should have tasted

the food before he let her in. He would have died, but at least the

queen would have been saved. No, Rom was wrong. It was all his

fault. He was surprised King Kelan had not ordered his immediate

arrest and execution.

He heard Rom sigh. Then his captain returned to his seat and

picked up his quill. After dipping it into the inkwell that sat on his

desk, he began writing something on a piece of parchment. When he

was done, he sanded it and laid it aside to dry. “I’m giving you theseorders. When you leave here, report to Lieutenant Pike and give them

to him. It tells him that you are to be removed from the duty roster for

the next thirty days. At the end of that time, we will meet again and

discuss your future with the Gray. Do you understand, Varian?”

Varian nodded shortly, knowing it would be pointless to argue

further. Obviously Rom had made up his mind. This was all probably

just some elaborate ruse to make him think they weren’t going to kick

him out of the Gray. He could see where this was headed. Farking

hell, he couldn’t believe this was happening. He needed a drink.

“I recommend that you find someone that you can talk to, perhaps

someone who has gone through something similar. You need to get

help so that you can deal with this problem. There are other men who


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12 Britt Kenley

have struggled with addiction who can help you. Or the priests ofSalara. They are trained to give aid in such cases as yours.”

“I’m not an addict.” He was shocked that Rom would think that,

though he should have realized from the other things that his captain

had said. “And you think thirty days is going to be enough to cure me

if I am?” he asked sarcastically.

“I don’t know, Varian. But it’s hopefully enough time to help you

see that you need help. I am here for you, as are your fellow members

of the Gray. You just have to admit that you have a problem. If you’re

not an addict yet, you’re well on your way to becoming one.”

“Help? You think suspending me from my duties is going to help

me?”

“I hope it will, Varian. I hope it will shock you into seeing what

you are doing to yourself because if it doesn’t, your career in the Gray

will be over.”

Varian’s heart sank in his chest at the thought. “You wouldn’t do

that.”

“I wouldn’t want to, but trust me, I will do whatever it takes to

ensure that this company functions to the best of its ability. And it

cannot do that if one of its membership is not in control of his own body.” He rolled up the now-dried parchment and sealed it with his

personal seal. Then he passed the document to Varian. “You’re

dismissed.”

* * * *

Masun Eselin was walking up the stairs to the second floor in the

Gray Tower when he heard a door slam. Then thunderous footsteps

headed in his direction. He glanced up as the dark figure of one of the

Gray appeared at the top of the steps. It was Varian Dross, and from

the look on his face, he was not in a good mood. His broad shoulders

brushed against Masun as he passed him without a word of

acknowledgment or greeting. Masun turned to stare briefly as the man


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rushed down the stairs. He admired the man’s lean figure, a contrastto his own bulky muscularity, and felt a flash of desire which he

quickly suppressed. He had seen the warrior several times and had

been tempted to get to know him better, but he had not had the

opportunity lately because he had been so busy in the armory.

Varian’s brown hair, worn just a little long, and black heavy-

lidded eyes, combined with his wiry but muscular form and the gold

earring in his left ear, stirred Masun in a way he had not felt in a long

time. He thought about turning and following him, but it was obvious

the man was in a temper. It was probably not the best time to pursue

him. Ah, well, perhaps another time. He shrugged and continued on

up the stairs to his destination.

He knocked on Rom’s door and waited for his permission to enter.

When he heard his friend’s voice, he opened the door and looked

inside. Rom was seated at his desk, a look of concern on his face. He

managed a small smile when he saw Masun. “Come in, my friend.

Join me in a drink?”

“A little early in the day, isn’t it?” Masun cocked his head to the

side questioningly.

“Maybe, but I need it.”Masun strode forward and sat down in one of the chairs. “Well, all

right, then. You have any of that Jaelic whiskey left that you had the

last time I was here?”

Rom chuckled. “As a matter of fact, I do.” He reached into a

drawer and pulled out a bottle of the dark-amber liquid and a couple

of glasses. After pouring them both a small shot, he passed one glass

to Masun and then picked up his own. Raising it in a toast, he said,

“Long life.” He tossed back the drink in one swallow.

Masun followed suit, enjoying the burn of the fiery liquor as it slid

down his throat. He set his glass on the table and looked at Rom.

“What’s got you so angry?”

Rom shook his head. “Not angry. I just had to deal with

something that was unpleasant.”


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Masun narrowed his eyes. “Something to do with Varian Dross? I just passed him on the stairway, and he did not look like a very happy

man.”

Rom let out a sigh and sat back. “No, he’s not. I had to suspend

him from his duties for thirty days, Masun. And if he doesn’t get

things together, I may have to expel him from the company.”

“For Salara’s sake, why?” Masun was more than surprised. The

Gray were some of the best warriors in the kingdom, and Varian had

been a member of the company for years. While Masun didn’t know

him well, he certainly knew of his reputation. He couldn’t imagine

what he might have done that would warrant a reprimand much less

an expulsion.

His friend sighed and shook his head. “He’s drinking. To excess. I

believe he’s become addicted to alcohol.”

“Drinking?”

“To the point where he’s become a danger to the other members

of the Gray. He blames himself for Lyra’s death. He was the man on

duty the day she was poisoned, and he feels like it’s his fault that she

died. He believes his honor is in question.” He rubbed his hands

across his face. “I knew how he felt, and I’ve tried talking to him, buthe just keeps getting worse and worse. Last night, he was at Mal’s

when Brax spotted Tobiah, but he was too drunk to offer assistance.

Hell, he didn’t even know anything was going on.”

“So it’s true, then. You did capture Tobiah?”

Rom nodded his head. “We did. Unfortunately the man is dead.

Brax had to kill him when Tobiah attacked Jai. We had him in

custody, and still he managed to almost kill someone. Truthfully, I’m

glad he’s gone. Saves us the trouble of bringing charges.”

“Did you learn anything useful from him before he died?” Rom

and Masun were best friends, and Rom had kept Masun informed

about the search for the nobleman who was suspected of financing the

plot to kill the queen. It was believed that the man was in a conspiracy

with Kalandra, the Queen of Angkesh. The queen would stop at


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nothing to seize control of Emryn any way she could. For years shehad tried to find a way to do just that without success. Because of the

natural boundary of the Mountains of the Gloam, which separated

Emryn from Angkesh, a straightforward attack by the Angkeshi army

had little hope of success. Lately there had been several incidents that

indicated that she had turned her mind to a more devious means of

gaining the crown. The assassination of Queen Lyra had been the

latest in a series of suspicious activities that had the country on high

alert.

“He told us the man we are looking for is a duke. His last words

were ‘the Duke of…’”

Masun considered that. “It’s too bad you didn’t get a name, but

that information should narrow the field down quite a bit. There aren’t

that many dukes in Emryn.”

Rom nodded. “That’s true. But there are enough to make it a time-

consuming search. Javan is already doing whatever he can to try to

figure out which duke is the one we’re looking for. I know we will

find him eventually, hopefully before anyone else dies. Emryn is in

such a dangerous position right now. It’s impossible to know where or

when another attack will occur, but I’m farking sure there will beanother one. Which is another reason why I cannot allow any of the

Gray to be functioning at anything less than peak efficiency.”

“I’m sure Varian understands why you had to do what you did. At

least, he will after he’s had time to calm down and think about it.”

Rom nodded. “I trust you’re right. I need him. The Gray needs

him. But we need him as he was, not as he is. If he doesn’t find some

way to get over his feelings of guilt and turn himself around, I fear

that he will be lost to us permanently.”

“I know what he’s going through.” Masun reminded his friend of

his own dark past. “Addiction is a harsh taskmaster, and guilt a

powerful enemy.”


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Rom met his gaze frankly. “I know you do, old friend. I know youdo. I just hope that he finds someone who can help him as you did.

It’s not a battle that he can fight alone.”

“You’re right about that. Perhaps I can talk to him.”

Rom’s brows rose. “You’d do that? You don’t even know him

that well.”

“Maybe not, but I know you. He wouldn’t have lasted as a

member of the Gray all this time if you didn’t respect and admire the

man.”

“It’s true. Before all of this happened, he was one of my best men.

He will be difficult to replace if he cannot overcome this problem. If

you would be willing to help him, I would be grateful.”

“I’ll talk to him. See if he will listen to me. Of course, he probably

won’t welcome my help.”

“Do what you can. If he refuses to listen to you, at least you will

have tried.”


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Chapter Two

In a dark corner of Madame Lingo’s, Varian sat hunched over his

drink, his whole body signaling to the other patrons of the bar that he

was not there to socialize. He sat alone, a half-empty bottle of

whiskey on the table in front of him and a glass of the same amber

liquid in his hand. He studied the drink for a few moments, twirling

the glass around and watching the flickering candlelight glint in its

dark depths, before raising it to his lips and taking a long swallow. It

burned like fire going down, scalding his throat and hitting his belly

like a punch. Farking hells. He still couldn’t believe he’d been

suspended from the Gray. Of course, he couldn’t really blame Rom

for what he’d done. Once he’d gotten past his anger, he realized the

man hadn’t had any choice. He’d used Varian’s drinking as an excuse,

but Varian knew the truth. Rom believed he couldn’t be trusted because it was his fault Lyra was dead. Plain and simple. He’d failed

in his duty, and he supposed he’d deserved what had happened. Hells,

he was surprised he hadn’t gotten worse.

He took another drink of the whiskey, emptying the glass, and

picked up the bottle to pour himself some more. What he needed was

to drink until he passed out and slid like a limp heap onto the floor.

Then maybe he wouldn’t have to remember everything that had

happened. He just wanted to sink into the bliss of forgetfulness. But

he wasn’t an alcoholic. That was completely ridiculous. Rom was

wrong about that. He could quit whenever he wanted to. He just

didn’t want to. Why should he? He just needed to numb the

memories, that was all. If he didn’t, all he did was think about what

had happened. He’d go over and over and over it in his mind until he


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18 Britt Kenley

thought he was insane. He’d fantasize that he’d done thingsdifferently, that Lyra was still alive, that it was all just a horrible

dream. But it wasn’t a dream.

He didn’t know how it had all gone to shit so fast. A week ago,

he’d had the perfect life. He was a respected member of the Gray,

with friends and companions whom he truly liked. He had enough

coin to spend on the simple pleasures he most enjoyed—playing

three-card fist, making a monthly trip to the country to hunt wild

game, and joining the occasional male whore in the rooms upstairs.

And now, this.

The worst thing was he had no one to blame but himself. If he

hadn’t allowed himself to be distracted from his duties, none of this

would have happened. Lyra would still be alive, and he would still be

carrying out his responsibilities in the Gray. He hadn’t told anyone,

but he knew that he hadn’t been paying much attention the day Vivie

had delivered the queen’s morning meal. The truth was, he’d been

thinking about the man he’d spotted watching him the night before at

a small gathering he’d attended instead of doing his duty.

He’d been talking to several friends when he had felt someone’s

eyes on him. When he’d turned, he saw him. The man had lifted theglass he held, smiling in a silent toast, and Varian had smiled back,

lifting his own glass. Then someone had spoken to him, and he’d

turned to answer a question. When he’d looked back a moment later,

the other man had been laughing at something one of his companions

had said. Then the group had moved out of Varian’s eyesight.

The man was pretty well-known among the Gray, since he was

their captain’s best friend and also served as armorer to the company.

Masun Eselin. Varian had noticed the man watching him several more

times that night and had found him very attractive. He wasn’t as tall

as Varian, but he was very muscular, a result of his occupation,

Varian had decided. It took a lot of strength and fortitude to twist and

mold metal into weapons.


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Though not typically handsome, the man’s face was arresting,with its slightly crooked nose and full, sensuous lips. His eyes were a

light brown that crinkled at the corner when he smiled, and his short

hair was deep auburn. He had hoped Masun would approach him, but

he never had. Disappointed, Varian had left the party an hour later

and returned to his room in the Tower.

Unable to get the man out of his thoughts, Varian had been

mooning over Masun when he should have been tending to his guard

duties the next morning. And as a result, the queen was dead.

He had just lifted the glass to his mouth, needing to drown out his

thoughts, when his arm was suddenly jostled by a body brushing

against him, and the liquid that he was about to drink spilled all down

the front of his tunic.

He surged to his feet, searching out the person who had caused the

accident. He spotted the man, who continued to walk by as though

nothing had happened. Without thought, he surged forward, anger and

drink scrambling his thoughts. He grabbed the man’s arm and spun

him around in one quick movement. He caught a glimpse of surprise

on the stranger’s face a second before he sent his fist plowing into it.

The man fell back across the table behind him, spilling drinks andsending cards flying everywhere. The men at that table jumped up,

and curses blackened the air around them.

“What the farking hell!” The exclamation came from a man

standing somewhere to his right. Other voices of dismay and fury

flew around the room.

Varian ignored them, all his attention focused on the burly figure

that was slowly rising from the table where he’d fallen. The man was

glaring at Varian, blood pouring from his nose.

“You crazy bastard!” the man he’d hit shouted at him. Then he

rushed forward, plowing into Varian and sending them both sprawling

to the floor. The whole bar erupted.

Varian was vaguely aware of men gathering around as he and his

opponent rolled back and forth on the floor. He felt a punch land


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20 Britt Kenley

against his ribs and gasped, the breath knocked out of him. Painstreaked through him, and he struggled to get free. He rose to his

knees and managed to land another blow, this time on the stranger’s

chin.

The man fell back, and Varian struggled to his feet. The other man

did the same. They began circling one another, with the men around

them shouting curses and words of encouragement. Varian moved in,

attempting to punch the man in his torso, but his blow was blocked,

and the man hit him again, an uppercut to the chin. Varian staggered,

his ears ringing. The other man didn’t hesitate but moved forward,

hitting him again and again until Varian crumpled to the floor, barely

conscious.

In the distance he heard a loud roar. “What in seven hells is going

on in here?” A hush fell over the room. He heard someone say, “He

started it. That man on the floor. He just punched Arry for no reason.”

“Is that so?” The voice was somewhat familiar, but Varian

couldn’t quite place it.

He felt a nudge against his hips and forced his eyes open to peer

up at the man gazing down at him. When the fog of his vision had

cleared somewhat, he looked into familiar light-brown eyes. Salara’s bones, what was he doing here, of all people?

The man held out a hand and, after a momentary hesitation,

Varian raised his own to clasp it. In a moment, the man had pulled

Varian to his feet, where he stood swaying unsteadily.

“He’s gonna have to pay for the damages, Masun. I don’t care if

he is one of the Gray. He broke a table and two chairs.”

“I’ll see to it, Jagger. I’ll take personal responsibility for him. Will

that do?”

“Yes. Just get him out of here. When he gets sober enough, tell

him not to come back until he can act more civilized. This isn’t some

Lowtown dive. If he wants to go somewhere to get drunk and act a

fool, he needs to find somewhere else.”

“Will do. Come on, Varian. Let’s get your sorry ass out of here.”


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Masun collected their cloaks and led Varian to the door. WithMasun’s help, Varian managed to stagger out onto the front porch. It

was cold, as usual, and both men stood there huddled together until

the horses were brought around. The other man helped him climb up

on it.

“Can you manage to stay up there without falling off?” he heard

Masun ask.

He nodded.

“Good.” The other man mounted his own horse, and then turned

to look at Varian. “I’m not taking you back to the Tower like this.

We’ll go to my place. Follow me.”

Masun nudged his horse forward, and Varian urged his own to

follow.

* * * *

Masun had been looking for Varian for a couple of hours. After he

had spoken to Rom, he had needed to finish some work at the armory.

That had taken longer than he had intended. It had been late afternoon

before he had been able to get away and try to find the man. He’dtried the bars first, mostly the little out-of-the-way places that many of

the hard drinkers preferred, figuring that Varian would not want to be

anywhere that he might run into some of his fellow members of the

Gray. He’d had no luck. Finally he’d decided to try Madame Lingo’s

brothel. He hadn’t really expected to find the man there but thought

he might find someone there who knew where he was. If not, at least

he could enjoy a quiet drink and some pleasant companionship for a

bit. A light snow had begun to fall, and he needed something to warm

him up. Instead, he’d walked into a full-fledged brawl.

Jagger had seen him enter and, when he found out he was looking

for Varian, had asked for his help in breaking things up. That’s when

Masun had discovered that Varian was right there in the thick of

things. Shaking his head, he’d waded through the crowd gathered


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22 Britt Kenley

around the two men. Masun wasn’t as tall as some, but his job in thearmory had built up his strength so that he was a match for just about

anyone. Luckily, the fight had ended just as he’d started to pull the

combatants apart.

He’d shaken his head at the sorry picture of Varian sprawled on

the floor. His mouth and nose were bloody, and he looked like he had

the beginnings of a beautiful black eye. Jagger had walked up, and the

men who’d been watching the fight were eagerly telling him how the

fight had started. Masun had frowned as he listened to their accounts

with half an ear while he studied Varian. He seemed to be regaining

his wits and began struggling to rise.

After he’d spoken to Jagger and finally gotten Varian to his feet

and out the door, he’d contemplated taking him back to the Tower,

but quickly dismissed that idea. He didn’t imagine Varian would like

the idea of his fellow Guardians seeing him like that. They would be

full of questions, and Masun was unsure just how much they knew

about what was going on with Varian. No, it was probably best not to

go there. With a decisive nod to himself, he decided to take Varian

back to his own place. It was private, and Varian could sleep off his

drunk there.By the time they arrived at his small house behind the armory,

Varian was barely able to keep himself upright. Masun got him down

and managed to half drag, half carry him into the house and to his

bedroom without dropping him to the floor. With the man sprawled

out on his bed, he was tempted to just leave him as he was until

morning. He finally decided to at least get the man out of some of his

clothes since they were filthy from where he’d rolled around on the

floor of Madame Lingo’s. He stripped Varian of his boots, tunic, and

trousers, and then pulled a blanket up to cover his lower body. He

used a damp rag to wash as much of the blood and filth from his face

as he could. When that was done, he went outside to tend to their

horses, putting them in the small shelter he had and feeding them

some oats. Finally he was able to go back inside and sit down to rest.


23/94


He poured himself a mug of red tea and thought about the warriorcurrently passed out in his bed.

The man was in bad shape. Not only had he been on the losing

side of the fight, but he was obviously drunk as well. From all the

accounts he’d heard, Varian was the one who had started the whole

thing. In Masun’s opinion, Varian was lucky to still be in one piece.

Though he was a trained warrior, the other man had been large and

well muscled. As drunk as he’d been, Varian hadn’t stood a chance.

“Farking hells,” he said to himself, his voice echoing in the quiet

room. “What in the name of the Goddess have I gotten myself into?”

Maybe he wouldn’t have been so eager to offer his help if he’d known

just how low Varian had sunk. Apparently the news Rom had given

him earlier had pushed Varian over an edge. It seemed to Masun that

the man had been looking for trouble. To decide to get limp-dick

drunk at Madame Lingo’s was just asking for it. Jagger kept a sharp

eye on the place and did allow that kind of stupidity. Brawls and

fights between drunks had a way of discouraging the customers from

gambling and hiring the whores for the night.

Masun took a sip of his drink and let it knock the chill from his

bones. Staring into the flickering flames of his small fire, he shook hishead over the foolish choices men made when life took a wrong turn,

and it seemed impossible to get back on the right path. He knew all

about that. He himself had once been addicted to smoking Darkleaf,

and it had been a hard journey back to sanity and reason. He’d been

clean now for almost five years, and he didn’t often let himself dwell

on those years. It was the lowest point of his life, and he tried to only

look forward these days. But all this trouble with Varian had brought

back the memories of those painful days and the events that had led

up to them.

He had been in love with a man named Yavil. Yavil was a daring

young man, willing to try any new adventure that came along. Masun

had adored that about him. He was totally fearless. Yavil had

purchased a horse that was completely wild. Lord, that horse had been


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24 Britt Kenley

a beauty. Coal black he was. A stallion. Not a speck of whiteanywhere. It was tall, at least seventeen hands. Yavil had adored that

horse, but riding him was another thing altogether. It took weeks just

to break the horse to the saddle and bridle.

He had teased Yavil about how much he loved that damned horse,

and that sometimes it seemed he spent more time with the horse than

he had with Masun. Yavil denied it, but had agreed to go out drinking

with Masun the next night to make up for his neglect. Of course, they

had both had too much to drink, and when they had gotten home,

Yavil just had to go check on that farking horse. Masun had mocked

him, saying he didn’t think Yavil was ever going to actually ride the

damned thing. He had dared Yavil to just get up on him once, and

Yavil had been just drunk enough, and just crazy enough, to accept

the dare.

Masun had sat on the fence and watched, getting more and more

worried as he saw how skittish the stallion was. Maybe it was the

lateness of the hour. Maybe it was the smell of the alcohol. Maybe it

was just sheer orneriness on the part of the horse. Masun didn’t know.

But what he did know was that the minute Yavil climbed on that

horse’s back, it had acted like it had gone completely mad. It had bucked and twisted like a whirling child’s toy. Yavil hadn’t lasted

long. The horse had tossed the man off his back like he was nothing

more than a bothersome fly. When Yavil hit, Masun had known

immediately that something was wrong. He had run for the healers.

After several long hours, they had told him that Yavil’s back had

been broken, and his skull had cracked. He was unconscious. They

didn’t know if he would ever wake up and, even if he did, feared that

he would be paralyzed from the neck down.

Yavil had lingered for three months, never regaining

consciousness. Masun had tended to his lover, blaming himself and

his stupid jealousy over a horse for what had happened. He had killed

the horse himself, slitting its throat and feeling a surge of gladness as

he’d watched the blood pouring onto the ground. When Yavil had


25/94


finally succumbed to his injuries and died, he had gone to the funeraldry eyed. He didn’t shed a tear in the weeks that followed.

Instead he had turned to Darkleaf to help him numb himself to the

feelings that he couldn’t cope with. It had taken almost three years,

three long years of sinking further and further into the claws of

addiction before he had finally pulled himself out of that dark pit. He

couldn’t let Varian do to himself what Masun had done. If he could

stop him from wasting his life like that, he had to do it. He had to try.


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26 Britt Kenley

Chapter Three

Varian was cold. At least, his chest was cold. His back was cozy

and warm. He stirred, reaching for his covers, when his hand

encountered a hair-roughened calf lying alongside his own. His eyes

fluttered open, and he turned his head slightly. The man sleeping

beside him was familiar. Masun Eselin. Varian’s thoughts were fuzzy,

but he easily remembered his growing attraction to the man who was

spooned against his back. He couldn’t remember exactly how he had

ended up in the man’s bed, but apparently he had finally managed to

act on his interest.

He pulled away slightly, turning so that he now faced the other

man and had to suppress a gasp of pain at the movement. He looked

down only to discover that his torso was covered with several

darkening bruises. As he shook his head in chagrin, a sharp stabstruck in the back of his head. He reached back and felt a lump that

rose beneath the tousled strands of hair. Vague images of him fighting

another man flittered through his head, and he felt a sense of shame at

such out-of-character conduct. Though he wasn’t one to shy away

from a physical confrontation, he’d never been a brawler. And he’d

never been the one who started the fight, which he unhappily

suspected had been the case in this instance. Was Rom right? Had he

let his drinking drive him completely out of control? He didn’t want

to think about it, so he pushed the idea to the back of his brain and let

his eyes study the man stretched out before him, a much more

pleasant occupation.

Even in repose, Masun’s face held a strength and an understated

masculinity that drew Varian. He lifted a hand to stroke gently down


27/94


Masun’s cheek and was startled to notice the back of his hand was cutand bruised. More evidence of his previous night’s adventure, he

thought in disgust. His hand slid across the shadowed roughness of

Masun’s jaw, and he used one finger to softly trace around the outline

of Masun’s generous lips, which parted slightly at the touch. Wishing

he could remember how that mouth felt on his own, he licked his lips

in anticipation of the next time he would feel them. Would they be

rough and demanding, or soft and teasing?

Turning his attention to the rest of Masun’s sprawled form, he let

his eyes travel down over the broad chest covered with a generous

sprinkling of dark, curling hair. Light-brown nipples peeked up

through the curls, hard and tight, thanks, no doubt, to the chilly air in

the room. Unable to resist, Varian leaned forward and gently tongued

one stiff nub. His hand moved to the other, and his thumb brushed

over the sensitive flesh. Masun stirred slightly, and Varian drew back,

holding his breath until the other man settled down again.

Reaching out, he gently tugged the blanket that covered Masun’s

lower body until he could clearly see every inch of the other man. He

sucked in a deep breath at the image of male perfection. His eyes

moved over Masun’s body, lingering at the soft penis lying in its nestof curls. Even limp, it was an impressive size. He could just imagine

how it would look engorged with blood. His mouth watered at the

thought of taking that flesh in his mouth and feeling it harden from his

ministrations. The wrinkled of sacs that rested below Masun’s cock

also drew his gaze, and he pictured himself caressing them, rolling the

balls through his fingers as his mouth worked the swelling length of

Masun’s shaft. His own cock stirred at the thought.

At last he tore his gaze away and let his eyes continue their

journey down Masun’s well-shaped legs, admiring their blatant

masculinity. Then his gaze returned to the tempting sight at the apex

of his thighs. He moved, ignoring the protesting twinges of pain from

his body and positioned himself above Masun’s resting cock. He

leaned forward and, using just the tip of his tongue, licked a wet trail


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28 Britt Kenley

down the flaccid length. Then he blew lightly on the dampened flesh.It twitched, and Varian grinned. He continued the moist caresses until

the cock began to harden from his ministrations.

Taking a moment to glance up, he saw that Masun was still sound

asleep. Gaining confidence, he reached out gently and took Masun’s

cock in his hand and lifted it. His lips closed over the tip, and he

began to suckle. Slowly but surely, the rod began to become firm and

solid as he drew it deeper and deeper into the warm depths of his

mouth. He moved his hand, pushing Masun’s thighs apart, and began

a slow caress of the ball sac that lay there, just as he’d imagined

doing.

Suddenly he felt Masun’s hips arch up into the caress and heard a

sharp gasp. “Varian…What—”

Varian pulled his mouth off Masun’s erection and looked up at the

other man, whose eyes were now wide open. “Just lie back and enjoy,

Masun.”

“Farking hells, Varian, I didn’t bring you back here for this.”

“Didn’t you?” Varian didn’t know, and didn’t really care, why he

was here. All he cared about at that moment was getting his mouth

back on Masun’s beautiful cock. And it was truly beautiful. It waslong and slightly curved, a dark, ruddy color. The head was

mushroom shaped and a bit darker than the shaft. It was about eight

inches long and about five or six inches around. Veins bulged in a

random pattern down the swollen surface of the cock, making it look

powerful and dangerous. Delicious.

“No. You should stop. You’re injured and drunk. You don’t know

what you’re doing, Varian.”

Varian chuckled softly. “Does it feel like I don’t know what I’m

doing?” He bent and gave the shaft a long lick, lingering around the

head to delve into the slit for a brief taste. “And I’m not drunk. Not

anymore.” With that, he engulfed the head in his mouth and once

again began to suckle, drawing the cock deep. He felt Masun’s hand

clench in his hair, and, for a moment thought the other man would


29/94


pull him off his cock. Instead, after a moment of hesitation, Masunused his grip to direct Varian’s movements. If he could have smiled,

he would have. Instead, he allowed the other man to show him just

what he liked and how he liked it.

He could tell from the Masun’s increasingly ragged breathing that

he was nearing his climax. He sped up his movements, adding his

hand to his strokes in order to increase the friction.

“Salara’s bones, Varian, that feels so good. Your mouth feels so

good on my cock.”

Varian hummed lightly to let Masun know that he heard him even

though he couldn’t answer him at right that moment. When he did,

Masun moaned. “Goddess, that’s farking amazing. I’m about to come,

Varian. If you don’t want a full mouth, you’d better pull back.”

But Varian was having none of it. Pull off? No way in farking

hells. He wanted to feel the hot explosion as Masun erupted in his

mouth. He wanted to taste the salty sweetness of the man’s seed as it

slid down his throat. Ignoring Masun’s words, he continued to work

the throbbing cock, faster now, taking it deeper and deeper. He

loosened his jaw and breathed through his nose, swallowing the shaft

as deep as he could take it. With a harsh shout, Masun began coming.Varian swallowed each hot spurt, relishing the knowledge that he had

given Masun such pleasure. He sucked and sucked until Masun lay

back limply on the bed, his hands falling loose onto the bed at his

sides.

Varian sat up, using the back of his hand to swipe across his

mouth to remove any excess seed that he hadn’t been able to swallow.

His eyes focused on Masun, watching as his quickened breathing

began to slow until finally the other man’s brown eyes blinked open

and his gaze met Varian’s. Masun’s lids were lowered sleepily, and

his hair was a wild mess from where he’d tossed his head back and

forth on the pillow, giving him a sexy, tousled appearance that Varian

found very appealing.


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30 Britt Kenley

“Come here.” Masun’s voice was a low growl as he gestured forVarian to lie beside him on the bed. Varian complied quickly, eager to

feel the warm length of Masun’s body against his own. His cock

throbbed with unfulfilled need.

* * * *

He couldn’t farking believe what had just happened. He’d been

having the most incredible dream. In the dream he was lying in a sun-

drenched meadow, the kind he’d seen once when he’d traveled to

Vensor Province. He was nude, stretched out in a field of yellow

flowers, their silky petals tickling his body where they touched it and

causing ripples of goose bumps to roll over his skin. The warmth of

the sun’s rays warmed him, giving him a feeling of languid

contentment. The warmth moved down his body like a gentle breeze,

touching him softly here and there. Then he felt it on his cock, which

had risen to aroused hardness at the feel of that gentle touch. He was

engulfed in it, and he had been drowning in the sensation.

When he had finally awakened, he’d been at first puzzled and then

shocked at the sight of Varian’s head in his lap and the feel of theman’s mouth sucking heatedly on his erection. After he finally

realized what was happening, he had thought for a moment that he

should stop him, that the other man was too drunk to know what he

was doing. But he had been unable to resist the exquisite sensations of

Varian’s hand and mouth. So he had lain back and just enjoyed the

other man’s skillful lovemaking. His climax, when it hit, was one of

the most fulfilling he’d ever experienced, and as he lay back, amazed

by what had just happened, he couldn’t regret it.

Now he lay, his body molded against Varian’s, his eyes gazing

deeply into the other man’s, and he knew that it wasn’t over. His hand

came up to cup the back of Varian’s head, and he pulled the other

man closer. When their lips met, he could taste his own cum on his

lover’s lips. Varian’s mouth parted beneath the carnal demand of his


31/94


own, and he pressed forward with sensuous pressure. His tonguetraced a slow, damp trail around the edge of the other man’s lips

before pushing inside to slide moistly against Varian’s. His lover’s

response was all he could have hoped for. His mouth moved

tantalizingly against Masun’s, and a short gasping breath caught in

Varian’s throat, revealing his eager arousal.

He tasted like hot, musky male mixed with the alcohol he’d drunk

earlier, and Masun found the taste enthralling. He moved, pressing

Varian onto his back so that he could cover the other man’s body with

his own. He felt Varian’s erection prod into his belly. Masun arched

against him, pressing against his cock in a slow stroke that drew a

moan of pleasure from his lover.

Their mouths parted, and Masun dropped soft kisses down

Varian’s neck, biting delicately at the sensitive skin of his shoulder.

Varian moaned again. “I am on fire, Masun. Please, touch me.”

Masun’s hand slid between their two bodies and took gentle hold

of Varian’s straining erection. Sliding to the side to allow himself

more room to maneuver, he wrapped his fingers around the pulsing

shaft, tightening his grip as he began sliding his hand up and down in

a way that he knew Varian needed.“Yes. Goddess, that feels good.” Varian’s breathy moan of

approval was loud in the near silence of the room. Masun continued to

lave Varian’s neck and shoulders with kisses even as he continued to

stroke the man’s cock with increasing demand. His thumb rubbed

over the tiny slit, feeling the drops of pre-cum that had gathered there.

He spread the moisture over the cockhead, enjoying the feel of the

sticky liquid and craving a taste. He raised up and turned, reversing

his body so that his head hovered over the hard shaft and his hip

brushed against Varian’s shoulder, his own erection rising again as he

bent to swipe his tongue through the tempting wetness.

Varian jerked as he felt that rough caress. Masun felt the other

man’s hands moving softly over his body in encouragement, one

coming to rest on his own semi-erect cock. The other man’s hand


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32 Britt Kenley

boldly took hold of him and began to tug gently, sending more bloodrushing into the rod, and amazingly, Masun could feel it thickening

and lengthening again.

He used his tongue to lick and stroke over every inch of Varian’s

cock, wetting it thoroughly before he took it into his mouth,

swallowing it down until his nose was pressed tightly against the

curling hairs at the base of the shaft. Breathing through his nose, he

held still for a few moments, relishing the sounds of approval which

were coming from Varian’s throat. The other man’s hand tightened

even more on Masun’s own erection.

He pulled back, letting the long, slender rod slide almost

completely out of his mouth before engulfing it once again to the hilt.

Varian moaned, and his other hand clenched in Masun’s hair. Masun

stayed there for several long moments before he drew back once

more. He felt Varian’s hand tugging in his hair, so he released the

man’s cock to gaze up at him. Varian’s eyes were dazed with arousal,

but he whispered, “Wait.”

Varian moved, taking hold of Masun’s body and maneuvering

him so that he was stretched above Varian, his thighs on either side of

Varian’s head. His cock was hard as a rock now as he realized whatVarian planned. He felt the man’s mouth on him again, pulling the

head of his cock into his mouth. His eyes closed for a moment at the

exquisite pleasure. When he opened them, he saw Varian’s own cock,

hard and pointing upward, just inches from his mouth. He grinned

before opening his lips and taking that hard shaft into the heated

warmth of his mouth once again.

For several minutes the only sounds that could be heard in the

room were the licking and sucking as the two men orally pleasured

one another. Masun could barely think, so caught up in the exquisite

dual sensations of Varian’s mouth on him and the feel of the other

man’s cock filling his mouth and throat as he moved his cock in and

out.


33/94


He could tell from the other man’s quickened breathing andfrantic movements that he was nearing climax. Lifting his hand from

where it had rested on Varian’s hip, he reached down to stimulate the

area between his balls and his anus, stroking it with the tip of his

finger. Varian groaned loudly, releasing Masun’s cock, and climaxed,

his body stiffening and his cum shooting into Masun’s mouth in a hot

splash. Masun continued sucking, milking Varian of every drop.

When he was done, he released Varian’s cock and reached over to

lift the lid of the trunk which sat beside his bed. Grabbing the bottle of

tunis oil he kept there for just such occasions, he pulled the stopper

out and poured a dollop of the liquid into his cupped hand. Varian lay

limp and satiated on his bed in a loose-limbed sprawl. Using his free

hand, Masun pushed the other man’s legs wide and reached down,

probing for the anal opening hidden from his sight. He saw Varian’s

eyes open and understanding dawn in them. Varian moved his legs so

that his feet were flat on the bed and lifted his hips so that Masun

would have better access. Using the tunis oil, he coated the outer ring

and then slid one finger inside gently, twisting and turning it before

adding a second and then a third. When he was sure Varian could

accept him comfortably, he used the remaining oil to coat the head ofhis cock.

Then he positioned himself above Varian, his erection prodding at

the hole. He began to push forward, his eyes and Varian’s locked as

he began entering the other man’s body an inch at a time. He kept his

movement slow and steady, not wanting to hurt the other man by

going too quickly. At last he was fully seated in Varian’s body, his

balls resting gently against the firm mounds of Varian’s ass.

The other man smiled and licked his lips. Taking that as a signal,

Masun pulled back, his cock sliding easily in the well-lubricated

passage. Then he pushed forward again, and Varian let out a husky

groan. Keeping the pace easy and smooth, Masun moved again and

again to sink his cock into the eager body of the man lying beneath

him. The entire time he kept his eyes focused on his lover. When he


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34 Britt Kenley

felt his climax nearing, he sped up, his strokes becoming rougher anddeeper. At last he came, spewing himself into Varian’s tight channel,

holding himself there until ever last drop of his cum had been

emptied.

He pulled free and fell to the side, his breathing harsh and loud.

Varian snuggled close, his head moving to rest on Masun’s chest and

his hand stroking across his abdomen before he fell into sleep. Masun

pulled the blankets up to cover them both from the chill air and then

lay wide awake, stunned by what had happened between him and the

suspended Guardian. Oh, he had been attracted to Varian, had planned

to pursue him even, before everything had gone to seven hells. And

now things were completely messed up. He’d wanted to help the man

stop his destructive path and, instead, he had fucked him so

thoroughly they were both exhausted. What the farking hell was he

supposed to do now?


35/94


Chapter Four

When Varian awoke, the room was just beginning to lighten from

the rising sun. He opened his eyes, and his gaze traveled around the

unfamiliar quarters as he tried to put together the events of last night.

The throbbing pain in his skull didn’t help any. He started to sit up,

and he felt even more aches and pains. The fight. He’d gone to

Madame Lingo’s to drown his sorrows in drink, and somehow he’d

gotten into a fight with one of the patrons.

He finally managed to get up, swinging his legs over the side of

the bed and sitting there, hands rubbing over his face as the memories

came flooding back. Masun had been there. He had broken up the

brawl and had brought Varian home. Heat filled his belly as he

recalled the passionate encounter they had shared in the middle of the

night.He heard a noise from the other room and rose. After making

quick use of the chamber pot, he dressed quickly before washing his

face and hands in the water-filled bowl sitting on a large chest. When

he was finished, he opened the door and stepped into the main room

of the house. He saw Masun crouched before the fireplace, lifting a

pot of what smelled like red tea from the banked coals and setting it

on an iron tile to keep the hot surface off the wooden tabletop. He

looked up when Varian entered.

His face wore a blank expression as he took in Varian’s

appearance. Varian managed a smile. “Good morning.”

Masun nodded and stood. “Good morning. How are you feeling?”

“Like somebody beat the shit out of me last night,” he answered

ruefully.


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36 Britt Kenley

Masun laughed then, and his eyes lit with humor. “That’s aboutright, then.” He gestured to a chair at the table where he obviously ate

his meals. “Have a seat, and I’ll tend to some of those cuts and

scratches. I should’ve done it last night, but I was just too farking

tired after practically dragging your sorry ass inside and getting you in

the bed.”

Varian did as he was asked, sinking down onto the wooden chair

and watching interestedly as Masun gathered together a bowl of

water, a rag, and a small, round jar. Silently the other man began

examining his wounds and gently washing off the dried blood in a

few spots before opening the jar and scooping up some of the foul-

smelling ointment to apply to the worst of the cuts.

“Salara’s bones, that stinks.” Varian couldn’t prevent the

comment when he got his first whiff. His eyes watered, and he drew

his head back quickly.

Masun just smiled and shrugged. “It does that, but it’ll help keep

the infection out.”

Varian studied the man standing so close. The warmth from

Masun’s hands and the faint smell of musk and male began to stir

Varian’s desires, and he couldn’t stop from remembering all thethings he and Masun had done to one another the night before. He

could feel his cock begin to harden.

“I haven’t thanked you for last night,” he told the other man, who

shrugged and brushed off his thanks.

“It’s nothing. Somebody had to stop you before you got yourself

killed.”

Varian paused a moment. “I wasn’t talking about the fight.”

Masun’s hands stilled a moment before he continued tending to

the cuts, his eyes avoiding Varian’s. “You certainly don’t have to

thank me for that. Truth is, it probably shouldn’t have happened.

You’d been drinking, and you weren’t in any condition to have

been—” He floundered for words, his cheeks turning an interesting

shade of pink.


37/94


“To have been enjoying myself in your bed?” Varian supplied.At that, Masun’s eyes rose to meet his. “Yes.”

Varian shrugged. “I’ve been attracted to you for quite some time,

and I think you’ve felt the same. And I certainly wasn’t unwilling last

night. In fact, if I remember correctly, I was the aggressor. Not you.”

Masun finished his doctoring and began putting away his supplies.

“Perhaps. But you weren’t completely sober, and I was. I should have

known better.”

Varian studied the man’s averted face. “Does that mean that you

haven’t been attracted to me? Was I wrong? For some reason, I’d

thought the interest was mutual.”

Masun sighed and faced him, his eyes guarded. “No. You weren’t

wrong.”

“Well, then I guess it was a lucky chance that you happened to be

there last night to rescue me, wasn’t I?”

Masun sat in the chair opposite his. “It wasn’t chance that brought

me there last night, Varian. I was looking for you.”

Varian smiled, undeterred by the serious look Masun sent him.

“All the better then.” He couldn’t understand why Masun seemed so

upset by what had happened.“I was looking for you because Rom asked me to talk to you about

your problem.”

Varian’s smile vanished. “What? My problem?”

Masun just nodded grimly. Varian could feel the anger stirring in

his gut. “You mean the drinking?” He stood and paced across the

room, his thoughts whirling around in his head. He swung back to

face Masun. “I told him I don’t have a problem.”

“I think the events of last night prove that you do.”

“A barroom brawl doesn’t prove a problem with alcohol. If that

were true, then half the men in Winterreach have a problem.”

“First of all, it wasn’t a barroom. It was Madame Lingo’s. You

know as well as I that neither she nor Jagger allow that kind of

foolishness to go on in their establishment. And second, the fact is


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38 Britt Kenley

that the first thing you did after you left Rom’s office was to go getdrunk. That seems to be your typical reaction these days, from what I

understand. Can’t you handle hearing bad news without resorting to

alcohol, Varian?”

Varian clenched his hands. “What in seven hells would you know

about it?”

Masun frowned and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the

table. “I’ve been down that road, Varian. I’ve needed to lose myself in

the forgetfulness offered by mind-altering drink and drugs. I was a

Darkleaf addict for five years before I finally realized what I was

doing to myself. I hate to see that happen to you, but it will if you

continue as you are.”

Varian could barely contain his shock at Masun’s confession. But

then he shook the thought aside. “It’s still none of your business what

I choose to do.”

Masun nodded. “You’re right. It’s not. Rom asked me to, and he’s

a good friend, so I agreed. But I can’t do more unless you decide you

want help. Unless you admit you have a problem. I just want to say

this to you, and then I’m done. Rom says you blame yourself for

Lyra’s death. That you feel responsible for not realizing what wasgoing on. If that is true, then what you’re doing now, using alcohol to

dull the guilt, is a coward’s way of handling it, don’t you think? If

you really think it’s your fault, why aren’t you out there trying to do

something about it, trying to find the people responsible, instead of

wallowing in your own self-pity?”

Varian sat back, the words that Masun threw at him hitting him

hard. “I’m no coward.” He bit that out through clenched teeth.

Masun just looked at him pityingly. “Aren’t you?” He rose. “I

have to go to work. Help yourself to the tea. Lock up when you

leave.” With that, he crossed to the door, grabbed a fur-lined cloak

from the peg, and left.

Varian just stayed where he was, Masun’s words echoing in his

brain like the refrain from a bad melody. Could it be true? Was he a


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coward? Was he taking the easy way out? Uneasily he thought overhis actions since Lyra’s death, and what he remembered made him

cringe a bit. He thought of the expression in Rom’s eyes when he had

told him that he was suspending him from the Gray. He remembered

the looks on his fellow Guardian’s faces when they had smelled the

alcohol on his breath during training. Goddess, had he been that much

of a fool? And what was being done to catch the traitors who had

engineered the queen’s death? He didn’t have any idea. Why hadn’t

he been the one to volunteer to find the people responsible?

He needed to think, clear his head. A long walk through the crisp,

cold Emryn air might help him get his befuddled thoughts in order.

* * * *

Masun stood at the window of the armory, looking over the

training yard where the new Guardian recruits were being put through

their paces. He wasn’t getting much work done because he couldn’t

keep his mind from returning to the events of the previous night,

especially the unexpected but incredible lovemaking he had

experienced with Varian. Just recalling the way Varian’s hands andmouth had felt on him, the tightness of his body when he’d entered it,

had Masun hard and thick with arousal and need.

Though he hadn’t intended what had happened, he couldn’t say he

was sorry about it. It had been better than he could have possibly

imagined. He’d been with too many men not to recognize something

special when he felt it. It was true that he’d been attracted to Varian

and had been hoping that something would happen between the two

of them, but he did feel a twinge of guilt. After all, he knew that

Varian was struggling with a drinking problem, and that was more

important than getting physical satisfaction. Right now, that should be

his focus.

He heard one of his assistants call out a greeting and turned just as

King Kelan entered, accompanied by Rom and another man Masun


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40 Britt Kenley

recognized as Queen Lyra’s brother. Teris Bas Rillian, Duke ofHawksworth, had come to Winterreach for his sister’s funeral and had

remained behind after the rest of his family had returned home. He

and Kelan seemed to draw comfort from each other’s presence, and

Masun thought perhaps a bit more. He had seen the two men

exchanging glances in what was not a fraternal fashion.

He focused on Kelan now as the king approached, bowing his

head when the man stopped before him. “Good morning, Masun. I

hope we’re not disturbing you with this early visit.”

Masun smiled and shook his head. “Not at all, Your Majesty.

Truthfully, I haven’t been getting much accomplished anyway. My

mind doesn’t seem to want to focus on much of anything this morn.”

Kelan grinned, and Masun was glad to see the king in a more

lighthearted mood since the last time he had seen him. “Well, then, I

don’t feel so guilty for interrupting your work.”

“I told you that Masun never minds taking a break, sire,” Rom put

in facetiously.

Masun agreed. “Rom knows me only too well, Majesty. Now,

what can I do for you gentlemen this cold and windy morning?”

“I’m not sure if you’ve met Lyra’s brother, His Grace, the Dukeof Hawksworth?” The king gestured toward the other man, who

nodded at Masun.

“I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced. I’m very sorry for

your loss, Your Grace.”

The other man, who bore a striking resemblance to the deceased

queen, smiled slightly. “I’ve heard a lot of good things about your

work, sirrah.”

“Teris is in need of a new sword, and I told him that you did some

of the best work in Emryn,” Kelan said.

Teris looked around at the swords, daggers, and other pieces of

weaponry and armor in various states of completion that were

displayed on the walls, tables, and practically any other available

surface in the room.


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“Indeed, I see you have quite a collection,” Teris observed.“Please, look around. Most of these pieces are for the Gray, but I

would be pleased to make a sword for you, Your Grace, if you like

my workmanship. I could design one to your personal specifications.”

Teris smiled, and he and Kelan began to wander around the room,

picking up various pieces to study them and test their worthiness.

Rom walked over to Masun. “So how did things go last night? Did

you manage to find Varian?”

He nodded. “Yes. He was at Madame Lingo’s, drunk and

brawling.” He told Varian the details of the fight. Rom winced at the

description of the state Varian was in when Masun got him home.

“So I guess he was in no shape for you to talk to him.”

Masun shrugged. “Not really. Though I did speak to him a little

this morn at breakfast.” Masun could feel his face grow red as he

remembered the other things he’d managed to do to Varian, and

Rom’s gaze sharpened on his face as he spotted that telltale blush.

“What aren’t you telling me, Masun?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Masun tried to look

innocent but knew he’d failed miserably when Rom’s eyes narrowed

suspiciously.“Come on, Masun, I know you too well. Something happened,

and I want to know what it was.”

“It’s nothing. None of your business, Rom.” Masun turned away

from that piercing gaze, pretending to straighten up his tools that lay

on the table before him.

Rom was silent for a long moment. Finally he let out a small

laugh. “Are you involved with Varian, Masun?” He paused for a

second. “No, wait. Don’t answer that. You don’t need to. I can always

tell when you’ve become infatuated with some man or other, my

friend. You always get that same look on your face.”

Masun swung around to face Rom, knowing he looked guilty and

defensive as seven hells. “Look, Rom, I didn’t mean for it to

happen—”


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42 Britt Kenley

Rom let out a bark of laughter so loud that Kelan and Teris lookedover at them. “Farking hells, you fucked him.”

Masun grimaced, cursing the fact that his best friend knew him so

well. “It was an accident. And do you have to be so loud?”

Rom laughed again, though he did keep it a bit quieter this time.

“An accident? Oh, I’d love to hear the explanation for that one.”

“Can we talk about something else, for the Goddess’s sake?”

Rom just shook his head, a smile still playing around his lips. “All

right. All right. I’ll leave you with a bit of privacy. Just try to

remember that I asked you to help me with Varian’s drinking

problem, won’t you?”

Masun nodded. “I haven’t forgotten. I’m hoping some of what I

said this morn sank in.”

“Good, good.”

“So, how are things going in the search for the mysterious duke?”

Masun knew that Rom and Javan, along with several other members

of the Gray, were desperately seeking the identity of the highly-placed

traitor to Emryn.

Rom shook his head. “Slow. We have to be careful not to insult

any of our most powerful supporters, and we also don’t want to let theman know we’re looking for him. Javan has spies everywhere, and

we’ve been sorting through the information as it comes in, but it’s not

going to be an easy task.”

“How would you feel if Varian and I did a little searching of our

own?” Masun asked, an idea beginning to form in his brain from

some of the things he had said to Varian that morning. “I think it

would be good for him to participate in finding the man ultimately

responsible for the queen’s death.”

Rom’s forehead creased in thought. “I don’t know. I suspended

him from the Gray for thirty days for a reason. I suppose I couldn’t

stop him if he wanted to spend his free time trying to locate the

unknown duke.” He looked at Masun. “Do you really think it will

help him?”


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Masun nodded. “He needs a way to overcome his guilt for thequeen’s assassination. Finding the man behind the murder could be

the only way he will ever be able to get past what happened.”

“I don’t have a problem with it, just as long as you make sure that

you don’t give yourselves away to the wrong people. The last thing

we need is for our target to realize that we’re closing in on him.”

Masun agreed. “Of course. We’ll be very careful.”

“And you have to agree to come to me with any information you

discover. I don’t want you and Varian acting on your own if you do

discover who this man is. The Gray needs to handle apprehending the

man and anyone who might be working with him. Swear to me on

Salara’s bones that you will keep me informed of anything that you

learn and that you will not act without my permission.”

“Absolutely. I have no desire to play the hero.”

“Just make sure that Varian feels the same way, or I will lock him

up if I have to.”

“I will.”

The king and Teris began walking back toward where Rom and

Masun stood, so the two men ended their conversation quickly. After

Teris placed an order for a sword, and Masun agreed on a price, thethree men left the armory.

Masun considered the plan he had come up with to help Varian.

He only hoped the other man would agree. The more he thought about

it, the more convinced Masun was that it was exactly what Varian

needed in order to feel good about himself again. Masun knew very

well just how destructive guilt and self-blame could be, and he didn’t

want to see Varian sink any lower than he already had. It could very

well be his last chance to save himself and to remain a member of the

Gray.


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44 Britt Kenley

Chapter Five

Varian spent a lot of time over the next couple of days thinking

about what Masun had said to him. The first day, he’d gone through

so many emotions that he’d been almost dizzy with the changes. That

night he’d gone to a bar near the Old Quarter. It was dank and dark.

The only customers were old drunks nursing their beverages and a

few workers from the field houses. They’d given him a brief glance

when he’d walked in and then promptly ignored him. After he’d

ordered a bottle of whiskey, he went and sat at a scarred table in the

corner. He’d poured a glass and then sat and stared at the amber liquid

a long, long time.

Finally, he’d stood up and walked out, leaving both bottle and

glass sitting on the table, untouched. He’d walked slowly through the

streets with no particular destination in mind. The streets were nearlydeserted, and the winter’s cold winds lashed at his face, stirring up

flakes of snow and bringing with it a measure of peace and sanity that

he’d been missing for weeks.

When he had arrived back at the Tower, he’d ignored the

speculative looks of the men huddled around the fire in the Great

Room. Instead, he’d headed to the stairs and climbed them to his own

room. Once there, he’d stirred up the fire and then gone to bed, falling

easily in to a deep sleep, something he hadn’t been able to do since

the queen’s murder.

The next day he’d gone to the training yard, working out like a

mad man, sparring with anyone who was willing. The days after

followed a similar pattern. He fell into bed each night exhausted but


45/94


content. Most important, he hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol, thoughthere were times when the temptation to do so almost defeated him.

On the evening of the fourth day following his night with Masun,

Varian found himself standing in front of Masun’s door. He could see

from the light in the window that the man was home, but still he

hesitated. He wasn’t sure why. Normally, he was not shy or easily

embarrassed. But this man’s opinion meant a lot to him, and his

memories of the things Masun had said to him, the way he had acted

toward the other man, caused him to cringe a little inside. He almost

turned and walked away, but something stopped him. He took a deep

breath, lifted his hand, and rapped sharply on the wooden door.

The door swung open, and Masun stood there, a look of surprise

on his face when he saw Varian. For a moment, neither man spoke.

Then, hesitantly, Varian asked, “May I come in?”

Masun’s eyes studied him, their gaze traveling quickly up and

down his body, taking in, Varian knew, the fact that he was sober and

neatly dressed. Masun shrugged and stepped aside, giving Varian

room to enter. Masun gestured to the table and chairs. “Would you

like to have a seat?”

Varian managed a smile. “Perhaps in a moment. What I’d like tosay is best said on my feet. First I want to thank you.” He saw the

look of surprise that flashed across Masun’s face. “And apologize. I

know that I acted like an ass when you were just trying to help. I

guess I didn’t want to hear it, but what you said, well, it really made

me start to think. And little as I want to admit it, you were absolutely

right. I was wallowing in my own stupid self-pity when I should have

been out there with the rest of the Gray trying to find the person who

was responsible. If you see Rom, I’d like for you to tell him that I

understand why he did what he did, and that I’m going to try very

hard to straighten up and act like a true Guardian of the Gray Tower

instead of a spoiled, sulking brat.”

The whole time he was talking, Masun just stood there with an

inscrutable look on his face. When he finally quit talking, Masun


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46 Britt Kenley

didn’t say anything. Varian’s face heated. “I guess that’s all I have tosay. I’ll go now and let you get back to whatever it is you were

doing.”

He was reaching for the door handle when Masun’s voice halted

him. “Would you like a cup of red tea?”

He swung quickly back around. Masun was looking at him with a

small smile. He managed to smile back. “I’d love one.”

Masun led him over to the table and told him to sit. Varian

watched as the other man moved efficiently around the small room,

grabbing the pot that had been sitting on a grate near the fire and

pouring them both a glass of the warm, soothing liquid.

After he had set the cups on the table and joined Varian, they both

took a sip of the warm beverage, and then Varian spoke. “You said

you couldn’t help me unless I admitted I have a problem.” He met

Masun’s eyes easily, wanting to convince the other man of his

sincerity. “So I admit it. I need help. Can you help me?”

Masun’s face was serious. “I can, as long as you’re willing to help

yourself.”

“You were once addicted to Darkleaf?” Varian had remembered

the shock when Masun had confessed that fact to him. “Can you tellme about it?”

Masun sat back, the cup of red tea cupped between his hands, and

sighed. “It’s not a story I’m proud of, but it’s part of my life, and if it

can help anyone by my telling it, then I am happy to do that.”

“What happened?”

Varian sat and listened as Masun told his tale. He was enthralled

by the story of a young, wild Masun whose lover had died so

tragically. He could understand Masun’s feelings of remorse and

regret over what his careless words had caused to happen. He easily

related to the agonizing feelings of guilt that had l

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