Brushstrokes

Painting with Action Verbs• be – is a verb• It is a linking verb and a helping verb.• Sometimes using a be verb is necessary,

but most being verbs should be eliminated in editing.

Verbs a good writer tries to eliminate:

am, is, are, was, were, being, been, has, have, had, does, do, did, shall, will, should, would, could, may, might, must, can

Rewrite the following sentence using an action verb.

The road was on the left side of the barn.

Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson

with being verbs in place of the author’s original verbs.

He was a tall, strong, heavy, nut-brown man. What was noticeable was his jet black pigtail and his soiled blue coat. He had a handspike. His hands were rugged and scarred with black, broken nails, and there was a cut across one cheek of a dirty, livid white.

Original Treasure Island excerpt

I remember him as if it were yesterday, a tall, strong, heavy nut-brown man; his tarry pigtail falling over the shoulders of his soiled blue coat; his hands rugged and scarred with black, broken nails; and the saber cut across one cheek, a dirty, livid white.

Brushtrokes can often replace linking verb sentences.

Revise the following passage:

The storm woke me in the middle of the

night. The lightning was striking. The

thunder was exploding like grenades.

painting with prepositional phrases

The car ________ into the parking lot.

Add a vivid verb in the blank.

Add a prepositional phrase at the beginning of the sentence.

painting with appositives

The car ___________ into the parking lot.

Add a vivid verb in the blank.

Add an appositive or appositive phrase after car.

Painting with adjectives out of orderThe dented, rusty car went into the parking lot.

(typical order - adjectives before the noun they modify)

The car, dented and rusty, went into the parking lot.(adjectives out of order)

Now you try it:

The car, ___________ and ___________, _____________________ into the parking lot.

(replace went with a vivid verb)

painting with present participial phrases

The car __________ into the parking lot.

Add a vivid verb in the blank.

Add a present participial phrase at the beginning of the sentence. (ing)

Ex: Sliding on the gravel, the car chugged into the

parking lot.

painting with a series of present participles

The car ___________ into the parking lot.

Add a vivid verb in the blank.

Add three present participles (ing) in front the car.

Ex:

Clunking, screeching, and sputtering, the car

chugged into the parking lot.

painting with past participial phrases

Write a sentence starting with a past participial phrase.

Ex:

Embarrassed by his friends, Charlie hid from Sara and refused to ask her to dance.

Frozen with fear, I gazed at the audience waiting for me to begin my speech.

past participial phrase

Full, pursed lips protruded beneath the bushy black moustache and at their corners, sank into little folds, filled with disapproval and potato chips.

John Kennedy Toole, A Confederacy of Dunces

painting with a series of participial phrases

He hobbled around the ruins, seizing at his bad leg when it lagged, talking and whimpering and shouting directions at it and cursing it and pleading with it to work for him now when it was vital.

Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

painting with noun absolutes

1. noun + present participle (ing)Tires screeching

2. noun + past participle (ed)Experiment completedFace twisted

3. noun + prepositional phrasePencil in handEye on the ball

painting with a series of absolutes

Suddenly he saw the monstrous head of the fish – not five feet away, so close he could reach over and touch it with the

ladle – black eyes staring at him,

silver-gray snout pointing at him, gaping jaw grinning at him.

Peter Benchley, Jaws

Zooming and Layering

Rough draft

The boat went through the waves on the lake. The waves were high and came down over us. The storm made our minds fearful.

Rough Draft The boat went through the waves on the lake. The waves were high and came down over us. The storm made our minds fearful.

Revision 1 – zoom in on nouns and verbs

The row boat plunged into the waves on Lake Erie. White caps crested and then cascaded over us. The wind and lightening rippled out minds with fear.

layering – add brushstrokes

Hull groaning, the leaky row boat, an old wooden Acme Skiff, plunged into the five-foot waves on Lake Erie. Swirling above the boat, dancing like the wings of vultures, white caps crested in the moonlight and then cascaded upon us. The howling wind, the chilling air and the sputtering motor rippled our minds with a fear of dying.

Identify the brushstokes

(1)Hull groaning, the leaky row boat, (2) an old wooden Acme Skiff, plunged (3)into the five-foot waves on Lake Erie. (4)Swirling above the boat, dancing like the wings of vultures, white caps crested (5)in the moonlight and then cascaded upon us. The howling wind, the chilling air and the sputtering motor rippled our minds (6)with a fear of dying.