1

Bucketfillers For Life, Inc.- Western U.S. Region Kelly Nickel, Regional Director

P.O. Box 493575, Redding, CA 96049

Phone: 530-941-5207

Email: kellynickel@bucketfillersforlife.com

Resources

On the web

www.bucketfillersforlife.com www.bucketbook.com www.bucketfillers101.com www.pinterest.com/bucketfilling http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu http://casel.org www.greatkindnesschallenge.org www.search-institute.org www.riplekindness.org www.thebekindpeopleproject.org http://missiontokindness.com/

Videos

Youtube: “Free Hugs” Youtube: “Validation”

Youtube: “Life Vest Inside – Kindness Boomerang” Youtube: “Bucketfilling”

2

Nuances of Conflict and Bullying

As we take a closer look at bullying behaviors, we are creating a shared definition of what

bullying is, and what bullying isn’t, so we can all understand the difference between normal

childhood conflict and bullying behavior. Here are some differences between typical conflict

among peers and bullying:

NORMAL PEER CONFLICT BULLYING

Equal power or between friends Imbalance of power; not friends Happens occasionally Repeated negative actions over time Accidental or occur during play Purposeful, intentional, not play No serious threat Serious with threat of physical or emotional harm Equal emotional reaction Strong emotional reaction from victim and little or

no emotional reaction from bully Not seeking power or attention Seeking power, control, or material things Not trying to get something Attempt to gain material things or power Remorse – will take responsibility No remorse – may blames the target Makes effort to solve the problem Makes no effort to solve problem

Simple Bucketfilling Pledge

I hereby promise

To do my best

To fill more buckets

And dip much less

3

The Bucketfiller Song

I always can choose, It is up to just me

To fill or to dip, To be sad or happy

Singing oh wey oh…

****

Bucket fillers are cool, They are caring and kind

Now go fill a bucket, They are easy to find

Singing oh wey oh…

****

And so we all know how, To be a bucketfiller NOW!!!!

Singing oh wey oh…

Now Make Up Your Own Verses!

4

The Fill More Dip Less Song Words and music by Kelly Nickel and Pete Lundgren

Chords: G - D - C

Well I woke up this morning I was feeling boo hoo!

I felt like sleepin’ in I didn’t want to go to school

But then I remembered how to put on my lid

Decided to be happy I’m so glad that I did

I chose to fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less)

Then I got to school and I promptly fell down

I skinned up my knee and I was layin’ on the ground

But to my surprise help was quickly on the way

Three students picked me up and asked me if I was okay

They knew to fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less)

I walked into the classroom saw my best friend looking sad

Looked like she was having the worst day she’s ever had

I put my arm around her told her I would be her friend

My empathy and kindness helped her feelings start to mend

I try to fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less)

I open doors for others and give lots of high fives

And when I make a dumb mistake I do apologize

I make sure everybody feels included and safe

I tell my friends all of the time I think that they’re great

I like to fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less)

So every day each one of us has choices we can make

We choose how we treat others from the moment we’re awake

We know that bucketfillers make the world a better place

And filling buckets puts a smile on everybody’s face

We all can fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less)

5

You Can Be a Bucketfiller Now Words by Kelly Nickel

You can smile and wave and say hello

Spread sunshine everywhere you go

Fill more dip less is how you roll

You can be a bucketfiller now

Have fun with your friends and family

Be kind to everyone you see

Filling buckets is a warm fuzzy

You can be a bucketfiller now

When you’re at school help your teachers by doing your very best

Say please and thank you take turns help out share always clean up your mess

On the playground it’s a chance to practice being fair to everyone

Remember that it’s just a game and the whole point is to have fun

If you make a mistake and do something wrong

Say I’m sorry it’s my fault what can I do to make it right

If you are sincere when you apologize it won’t take long

They will soon forgive you and you all will sleep better tonight

There’s lots of things that you can do

At school at home whenever you

Would like to fill a bucket up

You can be a bucketfiller now

You can be a bucketfiller now!

Just do those little things that make the world a super sparkly place

You can be a bucketfiller now

Treat everybody in a way that puts a smile upon their face

Entertain your friends with a happy dance

Tell a good joke and make someone laugh

Put a nice note in your friends backpack

You can be a bucketfiller now

Lend a pencil to a friend help someone up if they fall down

Make everyone feel special and included tell them “you’re awesome!”

Reach out and make a new friend now introduce them to everyone

Say thank you to the yard duty the lunch staff and custodian

Keep your lid on in case you have a rough day

And when someone tries to dip your lid will keep your feelings safe

When somebody’s rude or gossiping or acting like a brat

Look them in the eye and say I like you but I don’t like that

You can pick up someone else’s trash

Give a high five to the office staff

Enjoy a healthy tasty snack

You can be a bucketfiller now

Say good morning to your principal

Shout out real loud “I love my school”

Fill more dip less as a general rule

And you’ll be a bucketfiller now!

Yes now, Yes now, you’re qualified and capable so all you have to do is say you will, be kind fill more, dip less, and do the little

things that make the world a better place for everyone!

6

My Lid’s On

(to the tune of “I don’t care I love it” by Iconic Pop, but really any rap or tune is fine)

I got this feeling of resilience starting to come on

No matter what goes down today I can still have some fun

I got my lid on tight nothing will be dippin on me

My attitude is positive

Nothing dips my bucket, my lids on

School started out okay I got all of my seatwork done

But then the teacher said this pop quiz will be so fun

I started to panic then found myself remembering

A little stress is good for me

Nothing dips my bucket, my lids on

At recess everything started to go down hill

I accidentally slipped on a banana peel

Gravity did its job I landed on the ground

But I just hopped back up and didn’t even frown

So now I’m putting my lid on my bucket all the time

It helps me keep my bucket full and keeps me feeling fine

I know that life is filled with ups and downs and knuckleheads

I just don’t let them bother me

Nothing dips my bucket, my lids on, my bucket, Nothing dips!

7

Building Community in Groups

Dynamics of Groups Groups are inherently complex. Dynamics of individuals make it easier for members to be a collection of

individuals rather than a functioning group. Dynamics of individuals are potentially more divisive than

uniting. These can include: ►Leadership: Some have it, some develop it, some are followers.

►Motivation: People are part of the group for various reasons.

►Ability: Some are good at social and friendship skills, others not. There are extroverts and introverts.

►Emotional/Spiritual condition: Some have deep hurts and intense scars, some have pretty great lives. Some

are insecure about themselves, others are more secure.

►Energy: Some are clinically hyperactive, some are pathologically lethargic.

Bad News: In a group of individuals, the diverse dynamics of those individuals can be potentially divisive. Good News: In any group there will be common elements that can be used to draw people together.

Definition of Building Community: Use the common elements of the group members to overcome the diverse

elements by intentionally weaving members’ lives together. This enables group members to feel free to share

and bear each other’s burdens and hold one another accountable.

The Five Steps Step 1: Bond building

► Breaks down cliques and other barriers that exist

► Helps establish a trust relationship among members

► Allows members to begin to identify themselves as part of the group

Step 2: Opening Up ► Involves sharing NON-threatening areas of group member’s lives

► Allows trust to develop in the group

► Allows members to begin to recognize common elements of the group

Step 3: Affirming ► Allows members to encourage, compliment, and appreciate each other

► Lets members realize that they are cared for by other members

► Reassures members that they are safe to share vulnerable information about themselves

Stage 4: Stretching ► Puts members in new and unfamiliar territory, out of their comfort zones

► Involves trials or difficult situations that members will experience together as a group

► Creates an atmosphere where members feel comfortable to expose their imperfections to the group

Step 5: Deeper Sharing and Goal Setting ► Group members are openly empathetic, supportive, and encouraging

► Individuals rely on the group to help them with problems, solutions, and goals, and hold them accountable

Action Once the five-step process of building community is completed, members are ready to risk themselves in

sharing with their peers in a non-programmed situation. On their own, or as part of the group, they are willing

and able to take action that will improve the lives of others and make a difference in the world.

Source: Rydberg, D. (1985). Building Community in Youth Groups. Loveland, CO: Group Publishers.

8

The Bucket filling Interview (from “How Full is your Bucket” p. 105)

1. By what name do you like to be called?

2. What are the hobbies and interests you like to talk about a lot?

3. What increases your positive emotion or “fills your bucket” the most?

4. From whom do you like to receive recognition and praise?

5. What type of recognition or praise do you like best? (public, private, written, verbal, or other?)

6. What form of recognition motivates you the most? (gift certificates, a title, meaningful note/email, or

other?)

7. What is the greatest recognition you have ever received?

9

WHY I LOVE AND RESPECT YOU, __________________

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

10

Questions to Ask Each Other

Complete this sentence: “I can hardly wait to …”

Complete this sentence: “A birthday present that I will always remember is …”

Talk about allowances and whether or not parents should give them to their kids.

How do you feel about school?

If you could choose a new name for yourself, what would it be?

Are you more of a leader or a follower? Explain.

From whom might you take advice?

Share three things you think you need in order to be happy.

What are some of the rules around your house?

What do you daydream about?

If you could have any pet in the world, what would it be? Why?

Describe your favorite meal.

Give three reasons why someone should have you for a friend.

What sorts of things embarrass you?

What makes you feel safe and secure?

Complete this sentence: “I feel good about myself when …”

Complete this sentence: “If I were in trouble, I could always talk to …”

How important is honesty in a friendship?

Complete this sentence: “When I am teased, I …”

Complete this sentence: “When I can’t sleep, I …”

If you could have any super hero power, what would you pick? Why?

What is one thing that you would change about your school?

What is your favorite food? Why?

11

You are as happy as you think you are

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the

effort. ~Herm Albright, quoted in Reader's Digest, June 1995

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. ~Anthony J. D'Angelo

If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want. ~Oscar Wilde

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire

I had the blues because I had no shoes, until upon the street I met a man who had no feet. ~ Persian Saying

If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one. ~Cavett Robert

It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to. ~Annie Gottlier

Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day. ~Author Unknown

I don't like that man. I must get to know him better. ~Abraham Lincoln

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. ~Confucius

When you feel dog tired at night, it may be because you've growled all day long. ~Author Unknown

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault

Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. ~Betty Smith

We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails. ~Author Unknown

Some people grumble because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses. ~Alphonse Karr

Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. ~Italian Proverb

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. ~Maori Proverb

Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway. ~Emory Austin

Swallow a toad in the morning and you’ll encounter nothing more disgusting the rest of the day. ~Nicholas

Chamfort

Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise. ~Alice Walker

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of

recognizing and appreciating what we do have. - Frederick Keonig

12

The Optimist Creed

Promise Yourself . . .

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your Optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the

future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you

meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to

criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to

permit the presence of trouble.

13

Fun and Effective Practice Ideas for Teachers Bucket filling is easy and FUN for teachers and students. You can provide daily opportunities for students to remember and practice bucketfilling. Some ideas are:

1. Fill the bucket of individual students by telling them why they are special to you. Tell the children you want to “fill their buckets”, then fill the individual bucket of everyone in class. This praise can be verbal or verbal and written.

2. After the children get to know each other, have each child fill the bucket of every other child in the

room. Give them a sheet of paper with each child’s name and one or two lines to write after each name. Have them think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates. Compile the list and give each student his or her list. Names of the bucketfillers are not necessary.

3. Children and adults suffer loss and go through stressful situations (death, illness, divorce, loss of a

pet, moving, etc.). You can help the child with the loss and also practice bucketfilling. Place a smaller bucket on the desk of the student who needs support and ask the class to uplift this student by filling his/her bucket with notes of sympathy and compassion. The “support bucket” is a great way to express compassion to and appreciation for any person.

4. Ask each student to fill at least one bucket a day for the next 30 days and write down what he/she

said or did. Discuss these ideas at the end of the 30 days.

5. On a regular basis, perhaps every Friday, invite the children to tell what bucketfilling deed they were most proud of that week.

6. Have slips of paper handy so students can regularly report bucketfilling when: (1) They fill a bucket, or

(2) Someone else fills his/her bucket. Ask the students to place these in the classroom bucket, and then read them together. This could also be done verbally.

7. When the classroom bucket is filled because so much bucketfilling is happening, celebrate as a group

with a pizza party or other fun activity!

It’s Easy to Create a Bucketfilling Family!

LEAD BY EXAMPLE

1. Bucketfillers make the world a better place by saying and doing kind things. When you talk to your child or grandchild, tell

them you want to fill their buckets. Tell them WHY you love and respect them, using the word “because.” Mention the

many little things they do that make you happy. Be sincere. Fill the buckets of your other family members by telling them

why you love them too.

2. Remind your child to fill a bucket as they begin each day. Tell them you will do the same. In the evening, talk about what

you did to fill a bucket. Talk about how good it felt to fill someone’s bucket. Help your child come up with bucketfilling

ideas. At the same time, be sure to reinforce your safety rules i.e. not talking to strangers, etc.

3. As a family, talk about what filled your buckets that day, and what, if anything, dipped from your buckets. You will learn so

much about your children. Teach them to keep a lid on their bucket to overcome the negative effects of bullies or bucket

dippers.