Building Rapport with NLP In A Day

FOR

DUMmIES‰

by Romilla Ready and Kate Burton

A John Wiley and Sons, Ltd, Publication

Building Rapport with NLP In A Day For Dummies®

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Table of ContentsIntroduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1

What You Can Do in a Day ........................................................ 2Foolish Assumptions ................................................................. 2Icons Used in This Book ............................................................ 2

Chapter 1: Pushing the Communication Buttons . . . . . . .5Introducing the NLP Communication Model .......................... 6

Scenario 1 ......................................................................... 7Scenario 2 ......................................................................... 8

Understanding the Process of Communication ..................... 9Processing pieces of information .................................. 9

Deletion ................................................................. 10Distortion .............................................................. 11Generalisation ...................................................... 12

Getting to grips with individual responses ................ 13Meta programs ..................................................... 13Values .................................................................... 15Beliefs .................................................................... 17Attitudes ............................................................... 18Memories .............................................................. 19Decisions .............................................................. 19

Giving Effective Communication a Try .................................. 20

Chapter 2: Seeing, Hearing and Feeling Your Way to Better Communication . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23

Getting to Grips with the Senses ............................................ 24Filtering reality ............................................................... 25Hearing how people are thinking ................................. 27

Listening to the World of Words ............................................ 29Building rapport through words .................................. 30Bringing on the translators .......................................... 32

Acknowledging the Importance of the Eyes ......................... 35Making the VAK System Work for You .................................. 40

Building Rapport with NLP In A Day For Dummies ivChapter 3: Creating Rapport . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .43

Knowing Why Rapport is Important ...................................... 44Recognising rapport when you see it .......................... 45Identifying people with whom you want to build

rapport ........................................................................ 46Having Basic Techniques for Building Rapport ................... 48

Sharpening your rapport with eight quick tips ......... 48Viewing the communication wheel and developing

rapport ........................................................................ 49Matching and mirroring ................................................ 51Pacing to lead other people successfully ................... 53Building rapport in virtual communication................ 54

Knowing How to Break Rapport and Why You May Want to .................................................................. 56

Discovering how to break rapport sensitively ........... 57Grasping the power of the word ‘but’ ......................... 59

Understanding Other Points of View ..................................... 60Exploring perceptual positions .................................... 61Looking into the NLP meta-mirror ............................... 62

Chapter 4: Where to Go from Here . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .67Embracing the NLP Attitude ................................................... 67Visiting dummies.com ............................................................. 68

Introduction

N euro-linguistic Programming (NLP) is one of the most sophisticated and effective methodologies currently

available to help you communicate effectively. NLP centres on communication and change. These days everybody needs the skills to develop personal flexibility. Tricks and gimmicks aren’t enough: everyone needs to get real.

Your ability to do anything in life – whether swimming the length of a pool, cooking a meal or reading this book – depends on how you respond to the stimuli on your nervous system. Therefore, much of NLP is devoted to discovering how to think and communicate more effectively within your-self and with others.

Here’s how the term Neuro-linguistic Programming breaks down:

✓ Neuro concerns your neurological system. NLP is based on the idea that you experience the world through your senses and translate sensory information into thought processes, both conscious and unconscious. Thought processes activate the neurological system, which affects physiology, emotions and behaviour.

✓ Linguistic refers to the way you use language to make sense of the world, capture and conceptualise experi-ence, and communicate that experience to others. In NLP, linguistics is the study of how the words you speak and your body language influence your experience.

✓ Programming draws heavily from learning theory and addresses how you code or mentally represent your experiences. Your personal programming consists of your internal processes and strategies (thinking pat-terns) that you use to make decisions, solve problems, learn, evaluate and get results. NLP shows you how to recode your experiences and organise your internal pro-gramming so you can get the outcomes you want.