a.w.r.c.s.a.s.a.

& COMMUNITY CAREBYSTANDER INTERVENTION

DURING THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC

By Johannah BlackIllustrated by Emma Kuzmyk

Abuse and violence thrive in isolation and silence. Women, trans,and non-binary people are particularly vulnerable to abuse duringsocial distancing and quarantine. The home is not a safe place foreveryone. As feminists it is important that we embrace an ethic ofcare that cuts through the isolation and fosters social solidarityeven if we must maintain physical distance. We also must grantcompassion and permission to those who need to break the rulesof social distancing in order to seek safety. In this zine you will find some suggestions on how we can worktogether in our communities, families, and friend groups to breakthe silence on gender based violence. This is not an exhaustive listencompassing every possible method of bystander intervention. Itis also important to recognize that not all of these suggestions willwork in every scenario. We do hope that this will spur discussionabout gender based violence, as well as creative and collectiveaction.

About this zine:

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Increased uncertainty and economic vulnerability put pressureon even the healthiest relationships. Being forced to stayinside for an indefinite period of time, sometimes in very smallor crowded spaces, means even more strain on those samerelationships. One thing that all of us can do in order to breakthe silence on gender based violence is to check in regularlywith our family, friends, and community members. This meansmore than asking, "How are you?" It is important that we openup and encourage discussions about our relationships even ifwe believe that those relationships are healthy. You can do thisby asking questions such as:

How to check in1.

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how have you and ___ Beencoping with being stuckinside together all day, everyday?

Has social distancingchanged yourrelationship with ___?

How has it been having___ home with youall day?

I've noticed my partner and i arearguing more often now that we'retogether all the time Have younoticed the same thing with ___?

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The questions listed in part one are great for opening up theconversation. However, sometimes you might not get the fullstory from those questions alone. People might be reluctant totalk about relationship problems. They might hint at problemsvaguely but not share enough information for you to know ifthey're okay. They also may not have the privacy or safety totalk about these issues. Here are some more pointedquestions you can use to encourage more details:

2. How to ask probing questions

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What are ways that you've beencoping with the increased strainon your relationship? How has___ been coping?

Do you have a place in thehouse/apartment where you canenjoy privacy and alone time?

Are you worried that the strain inyour relationship will get worse?Have you thought of what to do ifthat happens? Would you like helpthinking through this?

3. what to do if the persondoesn't want to talk

Maybe the loved one or friend we are connecting with doesn'twant to talk. Maybe they do not have the saftey or privacy totalk about this. Maybe they are not emotionally ready to talkabout this. There are still ways that we can extend a helpinghand or a listening ear.

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i just want you to know that youcan call or text me anytime to talkabout anything at all. You are nota burden to me. i enjoy talking toyou.

it seems like you don't really want totalk about this right now, and that'sokay. i just want you to know that ifyou do want to talk about it later, i amhere for you. you are not alone.

you seem unusually quiet ever since i broughtthis topic up. do you feel safe right now? i amgoing to give you a code phrase that i want you tosay or text to me if you feel unsafe at home. thecode phrase is "i'm feeling bored" you can say itnow or call/text me with it later. i am here foryou. you are not alone.

4. what to do if you suspect afriend or loved one is in danger

If you are worried about a friend or loved one who might beexperiencing an unhealthy relationship during socialdistancing, it is important to share this concern with them in asafe and gentle way. It can be really difficult for people togather the courage to reach out. It is up to us to extend thatbridge. It is easier for people to feel support if they can see thatsupport. This might mean asking if you can Skype or Facetime with the person. It might mean dropping off food/homemademasks/supplies at their doorstep and asking them to come toa window or to the door to wave at you when you do. Thisvisual contact can help the person to feel more confident inyour support. It can also be a way for you to check for anyvisual cues of unhealthy relationships. Does the person lookfrightened or anxious? Are they trying to hide the fact they aretalking to you? Do they have visible injuries? If you notice anyof these things or even if you just feel that something is off it isimportant to share this concern. You can say things such as:

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I am worried about your relationship with ___during social isolation. I can't help but noticethat you seemed frightened or anxious. you don'tdeserve to feel this way. you deserve to feel safeand comfortable in your own home. what do youthink about what i just shared with you?

i really care about you and i'm concerned thatyou're not safe at home. i noticed a large bruiseon your arm when i dropped off food yesterday. iwant you to know that no one has the right toharm you. you deserve to be safe. would you liketo talk about finding a safer place to stay?

i know that we are supposed to maintainsocial distancing at this time, but yoursafety is really important to me. i want toinvite you to come and stay with me if youare feeling unsafe being alone with ___.you deserve to feel safe.

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other tips:

This pandemic is somewhat unprecedented. Most of us havenever been in a situation quite like this one. You might feel likeyou don't know the right thing to do or even what the rightthing is. That is okay. There is no roadmap to the perfectsolution. All we can do is move forward with compassion andwillingness to connect. Some additional tips include thefollowing:

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if a loved one brings up relationshipproblems or violence don't change thetopic or try to get them to see the positive.offer them space to talk about it.

if a loved one hints at relationshipproblems or violence, gently ask for moredetails. now is not the time to "mind yourown business".

if you have noticed signs of an unhealthyrelationship between people you caredabout in the past take extra care to checkin with these people.

remember that even people we love, peoplewho we see as "good people" can do terriblethings to those they love. abuse is sadlycommon in all types of relationships.

if someone opens up to youabout abuse, believe them.

resources for safety:

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To get help in Nova Scotia you can call the Transition HousesAssociation of Nova Scotia at 1 855 225 0220 or visithttp://thans.ca/get-help/find-a-shelter/

For an interactive guide to creating a safety plan visithttp://www.loveisrespect.org/for-yourself/safety-planning/interactive-safety-plan/

This zine is a project from the Antigonish Women's ResourceCentre and Sexual Assault Services Association.

www.awrcsasa.ca