Leonard Bernstein’s Candide (lyrics) The Best Of All Possible Worlds DR. PANGLOSS Let us review Lesson eleven! STUDENTS: Paragraph two Axiom seven PANGLOSS: Once one dismisses The rest of all possible worlds One finds that this is The best of all possible worlds! STUDENTS: Once one dismisses The rest of all possible worlds One finds that this is The best of all possible worlds! PANGLOSS: Pray classify Pigeons and camels MAXIMILLIAN: Pigeons can fly! PAQUETTE: Camels are mammals! PANGLOSS: There is a reason For everything under the sun! CANDIDE: There is a reason For everything under the sun! MAXIMILLIAN: Objection! What about snakes? PANGLOSS: Snakes! 'Twas snake that tempted mother Eve Because of snake we now believe That though depraved We can be saved From hellfire and damnation (Because of snake's temptation!) If snake had not seduced our lot And primed us for salvation Jehova could not pardon all The sins that we call cardinal Involving bed and bottle!

2 ALL Now onto Aristotle! PANGLOSS Mankind is one All men are brothers! STUDENTS: As you'd have done Do unto others! PANGLOSS It's understood in This best of all possible worlds-- MAXIMILLIAN All's for the good in This best of all possible worlds! CANDIDE: Objection! What about war? PANGLOSS: War! Though war may seem a bloody curse It is a blessing in reverse When canon roar Both rich and poor By danger are united! (Till every wrong is righted!) Philosophers make evident The point that I have cited 'Tis war makes equal -- as it were -- The noble and the commoner Thus war improves relations! ALL: Now onto conjugations! PANGLOSS: Amo, amas, Amat, amamus! STUDENTS: Amo, amas, Amat, amamus! PANGLOSS: Proving that this is The best of all possible worlds With love and kisses [blows a kiss] The best of all possible worlds! STUDENTS: Proving that this is The best of all possible worlds With love and kisses [blows a kiss]

3The best of all possible worlds! PANGLOSS Quod erat demonstrandum! QED! Amo, amas, Amat amamus! MAXIMILLIAN: (overlapping) Quod erat demonstrandum! QED! Amo, amas! Quod erat demonstrandum! PAQUETTE: (overlapping) Quod erat demonstrandum! QED! Amo, amas! CANDIDE: (overlapping) Quod erat demonstrandum! QED! CUNEGONDE: (overlapping) Quod erat demonstrandum! ALL: Quod erat demonstrandum In this best of all Possible, possible, possible worlds! Quod erat demonstrandum! Q! E! D!!!!!!!!!!! Notes: Amo, amas, Amat, amamus! Every verb in Latin has a pronoun enclosed. So, these are the endings of the verbs in the first conjugation: Singular Plural 1st person -o -mus 2nd person -s -tis 3rd person -t -nt In Latin, the root “ama” means “to love”, thus,

amo = I love amas = you (singular) love amat = he/she or it loves amamus = we love amatis = you (plural) love amant = they love

The chorus displays these Latin words as if part of a NYTimes crosswords puzzle, giving this production a true “New York City flavor.”

4Q.E.D.:

1. Q.E.D. is an abbreviation of the Latin phrase "quod erat demonstrandum" (literally, "which was to be demonstrated", and figuratively, "I rest my case"). The phrase is written in its abbreviated form at the end of a mathematical proof or philosophical argument, to signify that the last statement deduced was the one to be demonstrated, so the proof is complete.

2. Some school mathematics teachers use this term to school children, explaining only that it

completes proofs and could stand for "Quite Easily Done".

3. As mathematics has come to be written in languages other than Latin, Q.E.D. has acquired many translations; in French and German (two languages a mathematician might see often) it is respectively C.Q.F.D, for "ce qu'il fallait démontrer", and W.Z.B.W, for "was zu beweisen war". There does not appear to be a common English equivalent, though the end of a proof may be announced with a simple statement such as "this completes the proof" or a similar locution.

“Latin’s a dead language As dead as dead can be It killed off all the Romans And now it’s killing me!” Glitter and Be Gay Glitter and be gay, That's the part I play; Here I am in Paris, France, Forced to bend my soul To a sordid role, Victimized by bitter, bitter circumstance. Alas for me! Had I remained Beside my lady mother, My virtue had remained unstained Until my maiden hand was gained By some Grand Duke or other. Ah, 'twas not to be; Harsh necessity Brought me to this gilded cage. Born to higher things, Here I droop my wings, Ah! Singing of a sorrow nothing can assuage. And yet of course I rather like to revel, Ha ha! I have no strong objection to champagne, Ha ha! My wardrobe is expensive as the devil, Ha ha! Perhaps it is ignoble to complain... Enough, enough Of being basely tearful! I'll show my noble stuff By being bright and cheerful! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha!

5 Pearls and ruby rings... Ah, how can worldly things Take the place of honor lost? Can they compensate For my fallen state, Purchased as they were at such an awful cost? Bracelets...lavalieres Can they dry my tears? Can they blind my eyes to shame? Can the brightest brooch Shield me from reproach? Can the purest diamond purify my name? And yet of course these trinkets are endearing, Ha ha! I'm oh, so glad my sapphire is a star, Ha ha! I rather like a twenty-carat earring, Ha ha! If I'm not pure, at least my jewels are! Enough! Enough! I'll take their diamond necklace And show my noble stuff By being gay and reckless! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha! Observe how bravely I conceal The dreadful, dreadful shame I feel. Ha ha ha ha! My Love GOVERNOR Poets have said love is undying, My love! Don't be mislead, they were all lying, My love! Love's on the wing But now while it hovers Let us be lovers! One soon recovers, My love! Soon the fever's fled For love's a transient blessing Just a week in bed And we'll be convalescing! Why talk of morals when springtime is flying? Why end in quarrels, reproaches and sighing, Crying For love!!!!!!!! My love! MAXIMILLIAN (dressed as a female slave) I cannot entertain

6Your shocking proposition. How could I regain My virginal condition? I am so pure that before you may bed me You must asure me that first you will wed me! Wed me! GOVERNOR Well, then, Since you're so pure I shall betrothe you, My love! Though I feel sure I'll come to loathe you, My love! Still, for the thrill I'm perfectly willing! So if we must wed Before we may bed Then, come let us wed, MY LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I Am Easily Assimilated I was not born in sunny Hispania, My father came from Rovno Gubernya. But now I'm here, I'm dancing a tango; Di dee di! Dee di dee di! I am easily assimilated. I am so easily assimilated. I never learned a human language. My father spoke a High Middle Polish. In one half-hour I'm talking in Spanish: Por favor! Toreador! I am easily assimilated. I am so easily assimilated. It's easy, it's ever so easy! I'm Spanish, I'm suddenly Spanish! And you must be Spanish, too. Do like the natives do. These days you have to be In the majority Tus labios rubi Dos rosas que se abren a mi, Conquistan mi corazon, Y solo con Una cancion. Mis labios rubi Dreiviertel Takt, mon tres cher ami, Oui oui, si si, ja ja ja, yes yes, da da. Je ne sais quoi! Me muero, me sale una hernia! A long way from Rovno Gubernya!

7Mis/Tus labios rubi Dos rosas que se abren a mi, Conquistan mi corazon, Y solo con Una divina cancion. De tus labios rubi! Rubi! Rubi! Hey! Nothing More Than This Is it this, the meaning of my life, The sacred trust I treasure, Nothing more than this? All of my hope and pleasure, No more than this? The love I dreamed and cried for, Nothing more than this? All that I killed and died for, No more than this? That smile, that face, that halo around it, That youth, that charm, that grace, Behold I have found it, Nothing more than this, No more than this. What did you dream, Angel face with flaxen hair, Soul as dead as face was fair? Did you ever care? Yes, you cared for what these purses hold, You cared for gold, you cared for gold. Take it for my kiss, my bitter kiss, Since it was this you wanted, No more than this. Finale: Make Our Garden Grow CANDIDE You've been a fool And so have I, But come and be my wife. And let us try, Before we die, To make some sense of life. We're neither pure, nor wise, nor good We'll do the best we know. We'll build our house and chop our wood And make our garden grow... And make our garden grow. CUNEGONDE I thought the world Was sugar cake

8For so our master said. But, now I'll teach My hands to bake Our loaf of daily bread. CANDIDE AND CUNEGONDE We're neither pure, nor wise, nor good We'll do the best we know. We'll build our house and chop our wood And make our garden grow... And make our garden grow. (ensemble enters in gardening gear and a cow walks on) CANDIDE, CUNEGONDE, MAXIMILLIAN, PAQUETTE, OLD LADY, DR. PANGLOSS Let dreamers dream What worlds they please Those Edens can't be found. The sweetest flowers, The fairest trees Are grown in solid ground. ENSEMBLE (a cappella) We're neither pure, nor wise, nor good We'll do the best we know. We'll build our house and chop our wood And make our garden grow. And make our garden grow! (The cow dies) VOLTAIRE Ah, me! The pox! * * Note: At the end of the finale In the 2004 performance, The Wisest Man in the World’s “assistant”, (Dr. Pangloss), asks the audience: “Any questions?” (see next page)

9A Plea for the Classics, by Eugene Field (Presented by Michael Gilleland)

American poet and journalist Eugene Field (1850-1895) penned this half-comic, half-serious defence of teaching Latin and Greek in college. The scraps of Latin and Greek in the poem would have been familiar to most college students of his time:

1. Amo, amas, amat = the Latin conjugation "I love, you love, he/she loves"

2. kai, gar = common Greek words meaning "and" and "for"

3. Zoa mou, sas agapo = a fragment of Greek meaning "My life, I love thee".

Field's plea for the classics was rejected by the "Boston gentleman" and other educational reformers of his ilk. The Latin and Greek languages unfortunately have little or no place in the modern college curriculum.

A Plea for the Classics A Boston gentleman declares, By all the gods above, below, That our degenerate sons and heirs Must let their Greek and Latin go! Forbid, O Fate, we loud implore, A dispensation harsh as that; What! wipe away the sweets of yore; The dear "Amo, amas, amat"? The sweetest hour the student knows Is not when poring over French, Or twisted in Teutonic throes, Upon a hard collegiate bench; 'T is when on roots and kais and gars He feeds his soul and feels it glow, Or when his mind transcends the stars With "Zoa mou, sas agapo"! So give our bright, ambitious boys An inkling of these pleasures, too -- A little smattering of the joys Their dead and buried fathers knew; And let them sing -- while glorying that Their sires so sang, long years ago -- The songs "Amo, amas, amat," And "Zoa mou, sas agapo"! (source: http://www.mgilleland.com/efplea.htm )