Stories of Change from

Uttar Pradesh

Author: Pooja AwasthiConceptualization and facilitation: Dr. Smriti SinghEditing: Moitrayee MondalDesign: Colorcom Advertising

foreword

Addressing issues of gender justice and empowering women lies at the core of all programmes and projects at Oxfam India. In this endeavour, Oxfam India’s project “Promoting Violence Free Lives for Women in India” has the overall goal of reducing the social acceptance of violence against women by bringing a positive change in the policy and programme environment that perpetuates its acceptance at an institutional and community level. The project has been supported by Department for International Development (DfID), UK Aid, under their International NGOs Partnership Agreement Programme (IPAP).

Over the past five years of the project, we are pleased to see the evolution of the four Women Support Centres in four districts of Uttar Pradesh as a strong support for any woman facing domestic violence to end the violence and thereby gain control over their lives. We would like to take this opportunity to extend our sincere gratitude to our partners Vanangana, Sri Ramanand Saraswati Pustaklya (SRSP), Sahayog (Humsafar) who have done an immense service in providing relief to women who have approached

these support centres over the years. We are also thankful to the officials of the Department of Women and Child Development and Department of Police, Uttar Pradesh who have provided from time-to-time help in the cases of women facing domestic violence and in the proper implementation of the Protection of Women against Domestic Violence Act (PWDVA) 2005.

This booklet offers a compilation of the 10 case studies from across the Women Support Centres which would help one to understand the issue of domestic violence, the functioning of Centres, its outreach to women from the marginalized communities like Dalits, Muslims and tribal communities, the support they render to women including counselling, linking women with legal, medical, shelter services and economic opportunities. The Centres have functioned on the premise of violence against women being the core issue that is affecting their lives and providing them with support up to the point they feel empowered and take charge of their own lives.

With many more women taking a step towards empowerment, Oxfam India in the coming days, along with partner NGOs, will continue to strive for a violence-free society.

Nisha Agrawal CEO Oxfam India

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introduction

Violence against women and girls is one of the most persistent, prevalent and systematic human rights abuse across the world. Not only it is deeply embedded in social structures across the world, but also enjoys social sanction. This is one of the most significant mechanisms by which individuals, societies and states retain control over women, their labour, reproductive power, and their choices.

The driving thought behind such violence is that women are inferior to men, both within the family and in larger social structures and settings. Historically women have been socialized to accept this violence, and they strive hard to keep it a secret, especially if it occurs within the supposedly secure folds of the family.

Hence the act of speaking out against violence is one that takes immense courage especially in the kind of patriarchal and feudalistic society that exists in North India where women have long accepted violence as their lot. Deep amounts of shame need to be confronted as women are taught that they lie at the root of violence that comes their way. This a collection of the stories of such women who chose not just to accept that what was being done to them was wrong, but confronted it, and thus emerged winners.

The enormity of their courage is understood better when set against statistics on crimes against women. According to the 2010 report of the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), not only have crimes against women been on the rise, the total share of such crimes, in all recorded crimes, is also going up. Thus, while in 2006, such crimes made up 8.2 per cent of all recorded crimes, by 2010, the share had gone up to 9.6 per cent. It is also noteworthy that the largest chunk of such crimes (44 per cent) originates within the home and is unleashed by husbands and relatives. The National Family Health Survey (2005-06) records that 35 per cent of all Indian women face physical or sexual violence, but only one in four seek help from any institutional source such as the police or social service organizations. The level of acceptance of violence against women is so high that 54 per cent of women believe that wife beating is justified. The same report puts UP at the second spot with 20,169 reported crimes against women from a total of 213,585 recorded throughout the country.

It was against this backdrop that Oxfam India, with support from the Department for International Development (DfID), UK under an International Partnership Agreement Programme implemented a project for advocacy for the effective implementation of the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 (PWDVA) between 2009 and 2013.

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The three main strategies of the programme are as follows

• State and National level advocacy for theproper implementation of the PWDV Act

• Providing direct support towomen survivorsof domestic violence through women support centre.

• Bringingchangeinbehaviorandattitudesofmen and women that perpetuates violence against women.

Oxfam India in collaboration with partner NGOs implemented the programme in 4 districts of Uttar Pradesh with a focus on setting up women support centres to provide holistic redressal to women who approached the centre. Counselling support linking with legal aid medical system, shelter services, vocational training, job opportunities are the crucial linkages that an aggrieved women receives when she reached a support centre. The support centre has two trained social workers with counselling skills who not only provides the woman with various alternatives but also helps in rebuilding her life.

Over the last 4 years, the support centres have reached out to many women who have faced domestic violence. Partners have negotiated spaces within the premises of the Superintendent of Police office and created a space for the woman. Oxfam India and its partners worked very closely with the Department of Police and Department of Women and

Child Development in bringing the change in the lives of women.

After an initial identification of probable case studies in consultation with implementing partners, field visits were undertaken to record them. Each story was recorded from the survivor’s recounting of it. Though partner records were used to corroborate the timeline of events and legal details, in each case, it was the survivor’s version of events that was recorded as accurately as possible. Where available, family members, neighbours and friends were also part of the conversation. Most of these cases were recorded at the homes of survivors to enable them to speak in a secure and familiar environment where they would find it easiest to verbalize their thoughts. The recording of these stories was done both manually and electronically, with each survivor being explained its purpose. Photographs were taken with due permission and shared with the survivors. Some names were changed on request.

This compilation would not have been possible without the immense grace of the women whose stories it tells. To welcome a complete stranger in their midst, to lay bare their most intimate thoughts and to answer questions that must have been put repeatedly to them during their ordeal would not have been easy. In addition, they were kind enough to respond promptly to requests on clarifications, long after the formal recording had been done.

This collection does not only tell the stories of 10 women who confronted varying forms of violence,

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it is a testimonial and validation of the almost 6,000 women whose lives were touched during the duration of the project. It recognizes the courage of each one of them. While it gives a glimpse of Oxfam’s successful interventions in the state of Uttar Pradesh, its greatest value would lie in inspiring other women, in similar situations elsewhere to speak out against violence.

The partners in collaboration are as follows:

District of Intervention Name of the Partner Address

Lucknow Humsafar Support Centre for Women

27, New Berry Road, Near Times of India Lucknow, Uttar PradeshIndia

Chitrakoot Banda

Vanangana Purani Bazar, Karwi (Chitrakoot) 226001,Uttar PradeshIndia

Azamgarh Sri Ramanand Saraswasti Pustakalaya

Village Jokehara, Tehsil Sagri, District : AzamgarhUttar PradeshIndia

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BELIYA

The strides that Beliya has made in her struggle to ensure a worthwhile life for herself and her 18 year old daughter Phooli are unbelievable given that she was once too timid to even verbally protest against her abusive husband. But with some support from Vanangana, mother and daughter are confident that justice will not elude them.

Beliya’s trials started 16 years ago—the day her one year old daughter Chunni succumbed to fever and cough that had wracked her little body for over a month. Every time Beliya had asked her school teacher husband Ayodhya Prasad for money for the treatment, she would be told that it was worthless to invest in a girl.

Beliya, a Scheduled Caste, illiterate woman from Kusaipur village of Chitrakoot district was married to Ayodhya Prasad at the age of 15. Her father had spent to the best of his ability on the wedding of his only daughter. But that best had not satisfied her husband and in-laws, who taunted her daily for coming without any dowry. When Beliya’s first daughter was born, physical abuse was added to the verbal torment. Beliya’s lack of education, her cooking skills, how she spoke—anything and everything would prompt her husband to hit her. By the time the second and third daughters came he had started bringing other women home. Like Chunni, Beliya’s youngest Usha also died due to lack of medical attention. “You are as useless

as the daughters you bear he told me,” remembers Beliya.

Beliya slipped into deep sadness. Her father brought her back with him, thinking that a change of atmosphere would do her good. She was just learning to cope when Ayodhya Prasad sent her a divorce notice. When her father went to reason with him, he was abused and shooed away. She then filed a case under Section 498 A of the IPC for dowry harassment. Perturbed by the move and fearing social ridicule, Ayodhya Prasad pleaded with Beliya to come back and promised not to mistreat her. When she did go back, she found that her husband had re-married. Beliya, still hopeful of a change and mindful of social sanctions, agreed to share the home. Ayodhya Prasad’s second wife devised her own ways to drive Beliya out—denying her food and locking her up at will. The husband resumed his daily ritual of abuse.

A year later, a completely broken but determined Beliya returned to her father’s home and approached Vanangana for help. As demanded by Beliya, the organization helped her file a case for maintenance under the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005. A year later the court ordered that she be paid Rs 1500 monthly. For some months, Ayodhya Prasad complied but then challenged the decision in the High Court where the case is still pending.

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Vanangana had meanwhile started working on Beliya’s economic empowerment. She was trained in sewing and also helped to set up a small provision store. However Beliya’s simple and trusting nature—she found it impossible to say no to those who wanted to buy on credit—made the shop unviable. She now works as a daily wage labourer—carrying bricks on construction sites for Rs 100 a day. Her husband once sent word to her that he would be willing to take care of their daughter if she came and lived with him but Beliya refused as she was confident of taking care of her daughter.

“I don’t trust him. Why did he not take her when she was little,” asks Beliya.

Phooli, studies in class 8 in a private school, and Vanangana chips in with her school fees. She says that she does not want to go to her father. “He might give me comforts, but I have decided to fight with my mother,” she says.

Together, mother and daughter are determined to win.

Beliya with her daughter Phooli

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LEELA

Like all women of her village Leela had tolerated her husband’s anger for long. However unlike all women, she knew she had to say no when it spiralled out of control.

The realization came one night when her husband Ram Chowk tried to strangulate her. For years, Leela a mother of four children between the ages of 7 and 17 years had put up with verbal and physical abuse, hoping that the intervention of village elders and the local panchayat would remedy matters. But that night, she realized that other, urgent measures would have to be taken.

After spending the night with her sister-in-law who had rushed to her side upon hearing her cries of help, the next morning, a terribly shaken Leela reached the SRSP office. Her biggest fear was that in her absence, her husband would vent his anger on the children. The same afternoon, Leela’s sister-in-law and a woman from her neighbourhood came by to pledge their support for Leela and to ask that strict action be taken against her husband.

Ram Chowk who had been contacted to appear at the centre, arrived by evening—drunk and angry. The counsellors at the centre turned him away, aware that a compromise could not be reached in that state. He returned again that night, with two men from his village, still drunk and angry. He threatened to attack Leela if she did not return with him at once.

The counsellors informed the local police and he was taken to the thana for the night. The next day, a sober Ram Chowk returned to apologize to his wife but Leela refused to return with him till her terms were met.

A day later he came back—repentant for his behaviour and with the promise that he would not abuse Leela. He gave a written undertaking stating the same.

That evening Leela returned home with the SRSP director Hina Desai. The neighbours were asked to keep an eye on Ram Chowk and report any abusive behaviour.

The need never arose. Gradually, Ram Chowk, a mason, also gave up drinking. “His transformation was unbelievable,” laughs Leela.

However for Leela, the change did not stop with her. The intervention of the centre had convinced her that other women in her situation could also be helped. So a week later she was back at the centre, with another woman survivor. Since then she has helped many women approach the centre.

“Often it is my husband who asks me to help the women,” she says proudly.

Leela has also had a makeover—from an unsure woman who once believed that it was her fate

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to suffer to a confident one who knows she can help others.

“I am not even afraid to talk to the police now,” she declares.

She is aware that this new found confidence has also spawned some mistrust among the villagers who tag her as the woman who disrupts families. “Even

women talk behind my back but I tell them that if they don’t come forward they will continue to suffer,” she says.

The people closest to Leela however are full of praise for her. Among them, her son Pravin, a student of class 9. “I am proud that my mother can help so many people. She makes them happy,” he beams.

Leela with her children

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MEENA

Meena refused to be talked into upholding her family’s misplaced sense of honour. Though she reached out to Humsafar for help after her middle class, educated family threatened to kill her for marrying a man of her choice, it was her quick thinking and courage that helped her fight back.

Meena and Deepak had met through common friends in Lucknow. Her parents knew of their friendship and her father had gone as far as expressing that he liked Deepak and would have considered him as a prospective son-in-law had he belonged to the same caste. A year after the couple met, Deepak was selected as a cadet in the Merchant Navy while Meena having completed her graduation found a job in the software industry.

When talk of her marriage started at home, the two decided to get married in January 2011. She explains, “It was not as if we wanted to live together immediately. It was just for security.”

After the wedding, Deepak approached Meena’s father to speak of a possible match between the two. Angered by this, Meena’s parents began pressurizing her for marriage. Still unable to gather the courage to tell them, Meena kept saying no. When the pressure got too much, she fled from home to Deepak who met her in Mumbai. However, the guilt of having hurt her family, and the possibility of and a reconciliation brought them back.

In Lucknow, Meena’s family gave the appearance that all had been forgiven. A date for the marriage was set and invitations sent out, yet four days before the wedding, Meena was tricked into going to the family’s ancestral village in Lalganj.

“A kind of family council happened. I was told to forget all about the past and that there was no escape for me. It was terrifying,” she recalls.

When she was made to call Deepak to convey her decision, she managed to pass on a message in a special code the two had developed during their courtship. She then pleaded with her family to be allowed to appear for her MBA exams in Lucknow, promising to abide with all their conditions.

A posse of armed relatives took Meena to the examination centre in Lucknow. As it was a girls’ college, no men were permitted in. In the college, Meena approached a teacher and asked for help. The teacher took her to the principal who then contacted Humsafar.

Getting Meena out of the college was a challenge as her relatives stood guard at the main gate. The principal offered her car, and Meena was smuggled out sitting on its floor. The next stop was the SSP’s office where Deepak’s parents were also asked to come with proof of the marriage. Understanding the seriousness of the problem, the SSP provided

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police protection to the family with directions that they be covered till the marriage was performed.

Once that was done, the couple breathed easy.

Now living happily with her in-laws, Meena misses her family acutely during festivals. “I had never expected them to react so violently. I was my father’s favourite child, yet he could not understand me,” she despairs.

Her mother-in-law Ram Kali says she tries her best to keep Meena happy despite still feeling scared at what her family might do. “She is like my daughter,” she says.

Meena who is preparing for her MBA exams looks on with a smile, convinced that what she did was right.

Meena at her study table

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MUNNI

Munni proved that there is no measure of a mother’s love for her children. She had put up with her husband Srawan’s physical violence for five years of her married life, but when he turned her out of the couple’s home in Kakori (Lucknow), refusing to give her their two children Satyanshu (4 years) and Nitin (8 months), she retaliated with a strength even she did not know she possessed.

Munni was referred to the Humsafar support centre by her sister who had been helped by the organization in the past. “I was going crazy thinking about my younger child who was still being breast fed. I wanted my children back at any cost,” she says. She also wanted to go back to her husband, aware that her poor parents would neither be able to support her or her unborn child.

As a first step, Munni and her parents were asked to complain with at the local thana, where they were assured of all possible help. Two constables accompanied Munni to her in-law’s home but had to return empty handed as her sons were not there. The next day, a case worker from Humsafar tried to reason with Srawan on the phone to give the children to Munni. He reacted angrily. However when the police intervened again, he agreed to hand over the

eight month old who had by then been away from his mother for 15 days.

After Munni had been with her parents for a few days, both families were called to reach a compromise at the Humsafar office. Once again, Srawan reacted angrily, denying all charges made by Munni and instead blaming her for disturbing the peace in the family. Both parties were given another 15 days to mull over the Munni insisting that she wanted to stay with her husband. Three counselling sessions later, Srawan agreed to take Munni back with him, and also desist from abusing her in any manner.

Today Munni, expecting the couple’s third child is happy living with her husband and in-laws.

“I am thankful that didi (the counsellor at Humsafar) could make everything all right for me. I got what I wanted,” she says. Though Srawan drinks occasionally, he has not hit Munni again. He even avoids mentioning the unpleasantness between the two.

Her mother-in-law Mayawati adds, “There was no shame in accepting our mistake. If I ill treat my daughter-in-law, would not the same be done to my three married daughters? I am happy that our family did not break up.”

Munni with her sons

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MYNAH

Married as a child, Mynah plucked the courage to stand up to her husband’s physical and sexual abuse and choose a life of independence, even if that meant staying away from her family.

Mynah was 9 when she was married to 20-year-old Ram Moorat. Three years later she was sent to her in-law’s home with a bed, a dressing table and a sofa set. The horrors started immediately. Every night her husband would unleash himself on her. At first she thought that she must compromise for it must be the way of all husbands, everywhere. When the pain became unbearable, she protested. In return, her husband began tying her hands and legs so that they would not inconvenience his nightly pleasures. Whenever he would think that her protests were getting too much, he would whip her into silence with a leather belt. “He was careful to only hit me where others would not be able to see the marks,” she says.

For two years she suffered. Her father visited intermittently but she could not show him her wounds. Then one day she sent him a message through a distant relative who was her in-law’s neighbour. “Come and get me,” it said.

Her father rushed to her, and for this, was told by her in-laws that he wanted his daughter back so that he could sleep with her.

For four years Mynah stayed with her parents. She picked up the studies she had been forced to give up and cleared her class 10 board exams with 72 per cent marks. The wounds to her body and her mind began to heal. She also discovered she could sew and embroider. The scholarship money she got at school went into buying a sewing machine. She started taking up stitching jobs in the village. “I did not learn from anyone, but the blouses I stitched were most fashionable.” she laughs. Meanwhile in 2008, Ram Moorat filed a case for restitution of conjugal rights which the court turned down and instead asked him to pay his wife Rs 1500 as monthly maintenance. He then approached Vanangana to get his wife back.

However when the counsellors got to the bottom of the case, they advised Mynah to file a case under the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005. Another year went by before Mynah filed the case.

In the interim she tried one last time to save her marriage. She told her husband she wanted to study and if he wanted to make the marriage work he would have to leave the village and go to Banda with her. In the city, he began trailing her. He would spend hours outside the college campus, noting who she came out with, who she spoke to. He would shadow her to the market, and then interrogate shop keepers whose shops she had visited.

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Desperate and broke, one night Mynah swallowed a dye to commit suicide. A neighbour found her and rushed her to the hospital.

“That was the turning point. I asked myself if my life was so cheap that it should be snuffed out for someone so undeserving,” she says. Her answer was a clear no.

Returning to her parents was not an option. They had told her that her battle had tired them out and that they feared for the safety of their only son.

She remained in Banda, studying and sewing, and also attending court dates. The Rs 1500 that the courts ordered still remains unpaid.

Mynah is now pursuing post graduate studies. She hopes to get a government job—possibly join the police so that she can help women like her.

“In our society, a woman’s happiness is of no consequence. But I realized that it was worth fighting for,” she concludes.

Mynah’s sewing machine has been a trusted friend

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RACHNA

The complicated nature of Rachna’s predicament stopped her from seeking help. However when pushed against the wall, she decided to turn things around.

On a chilly February morning Rachna woke to find herself in front of a temple near her parents’ home in Lucknow. This was the last in a series of physical and mental assaults that had marked her three and a half year long married life in Mathura. Yet she would try for some more time to make things work out, before seeking legal intervention.

Rachna, a post graduate in Hindi Literature, was married to Vikrant, who was the brother-in-law of her younger sister Neha. Rachna was then 31, and her marriage had been delayed because she wanted to complete her studies before settling down. Vikrant seemed like the perfect match.

Though her married life was difficult—with her in-law’s, her husband and her own sister misbehaving with her, it was the birth of a son in November 2008 that wrecked the situation. The son was forcibly taken away and the family refused to pay Rachna’s medical bills which her brother had to clear. Back at her in-law’s Rachna was told that her son would belong to her sister. “I was not even allowed to touch my child,” she says.

For three and a half years after that, Rachna remained at her in-law’s home in Mathura, enduring

physical and mental abuse. Her only solace was that she could see her son. She would often be locked in a room and denied food, forced to bathe with cold water in winter and asked repeatedly to leave the house. All through the ordeal she was prevented from contacting her parents.

Then one day, she was forced to swallow some medicines that made her sleepy. When she woke up, she found herself in the compound of a temple near her parents’ home in Lucknow. “A neighbour spotted me and took me home,” she remembers.

When Snehlata Mishra, a member of Humsafar’s volunteer group and a frequent visitor to the provisions store run by Rachna’s brother came to know about the case, she took her to the mediation centre in the premises of the SSP office in Lucknow. Since her own family was unwilling to support her, Rachna wanted to return to her in-law’s and was referred to the mediation cell in Mathura for support. She was however denied entry into her married home. For one and a half months, she stayed at a short stay home, hoping that her in-law’s would relent. Her husband once tricked her into coming with him, and then tried to force her to give in writing that she would not pursue a legal case against him. She however refused, and followed it up with a complaint to the police.

Upon her return to Lucknow, Rachna was told by her family that they did not want to have anything to

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do with her. Mishra took her in. While the mediation centre’s continued efforts to work out a compromise between Rachna and Vikrant have not worked, she is now in the process of filing a case for her child’s custody.

Realizing Rachna’s need for economic indepen-dence, Humsafar arranged for her to be trained in furniture polishing. Though it was an unconventional choice of a vocation, Rachna displayed a flair for it and was so good at her work that she was employed by her trainer for six months. However since the furniture maker moved his shop to a far away location, Rachna gave up her job and currently takes up assignments—often on reference from Humsafar.

“My ordeal has made me realize how important it is for women to be independent. I used to be very scared. Now I have the strength to fight for my child and the belief that I will be able to take care of him on my own,” she says.

While her family does not want to have anything to do with her, Mishra treats her as her own daughter. “I have gradually seen her go from a woman who was so unsure of herself to one who is well versed with the ways of the world,” she says.

As Rachna braces for the fight to get her child back, she will need all the confidence she can drum up.

Rachna (back to the camera) hugs Snehlata Mishra

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RANI BITTI

Rani Bitti endured years of physical abuse at the hands of her husband and mother-in-law yet was hesitant to pursue legal options as she felt her parents would suffer on her account. However when she plucked the courage to do so, she found not just legal help but also psychological support from her village.

Two years into her married life, Rani Bitti, then 15 found out that her husband Sitaram suffered from tuberculosis. The beatings started when she questioned him on why the fact was hidden from her parents. Her mother-in-law Chunni instigated Sitaram to stay away from his wife and even disowned the son born to the couple. The family was well off and owned farmland, but Rani Bitti was forced to work as a labourer to meet her needs and those of her son Manish. While the family stayed in a three room pucca house in the village Arjanpur, Rani Bitti was banished to an outside mud room that doubled up as kitchen and bedroom. Then one day, mother and son (then 7 years old) were thrown out of even that room.

Rani Bitti and Manish sought refuge at her parent’s home in Baghi. Her father approached the village panchayat for a solution, but despite many summons, her husband never came to compromise. It was then that her father Vipati came to know of Vanangana through a family that had approached the organization earlier. At Vanangana, a Domestic

Incident Report was filed and for more than a year the organization tried to broker a compromise between the couple. When this failed, in September 2009, a formal case of domestic violence was lodged against Sitaram and his mother and maintenance sought for Rani Bitti and her son.

Despite moral and legal support from the organization, Rani Bitti found it difficult to pursue the case. “I was mentally broken. I could see that my parents were suffering because of me,” she says. Thus despite the support of her parents, Rani Bitti returned to her in-law’s home. The neighbours prevailed upon her in-law’s to let her live in the outside room again. Her shocked parents decided to have nothing to do with her.

In December 2013 Sitaram gave a formal undertaking to the court that he would henceforth not mistreat his wife and started living with Rani Bitti and Manish. He also started undergoing treatment for his condition. Rani Bitti’s courage propelled her neighbours into supporting her. The gram pradhan, Ram Sagar Pandey, put her name on the list of eligible beneficiaries of the Indira Awas Yojna. He says, “The entire village considers it a duty to stand by a woman who has suffered so much for no fault of hers.”

Though Rani Bitti is the sole earning member in her family of three, she is positive about a turnaround,

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“Once my husband gets better he will look for work. Things will get better. I want to educate my son as much as possible,” she says. Her husband’s moving in with her has put an end to her mother-in-law Chunni’s interference in the couple’s life.

Though her parents are still angry with her for having moved back to her marital home, her three brothers continue to support her financially, sending money for Manish’s school fees, books and clothes.

Manish who loves drawing says, “I will take care of my mother when I grow up.”

Rani Bitti looks on fondly, believing that change is coming.

Rani Bitti with her son

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SUDHA

Sudha’s courage lay in accepting that the man she had chosen to marry was not right for her. Once that realization dawned, she did everything in her power to right that wrong and in the process helped many other women through her work.

Sudha married Mahesh, her neighbour of many years, in 2001. They married secretly, aware of Mahesh's father's objections to Sudha's caste and her weaker economic background. "Mahesh's mother would often tell me that she wanted a daughter-in-law just like me, but she did not dare oppose her husband," Sudha remembers.

When the marriage was found out, the two fled from home but were forced to return when Mahesh's father, Shatrughan Singh—a police constable began harassing Sudha's paternal aunt who was also Sudha's adoptive mother. It was in her aunt's home that Sudha had grown up and fallen in love with Mahesh. On their way back from Gujarat where the couple had fled, they stopped at Sandila, to get a notarized marriage agreement, as their marriage certificate had been seized by Mahesh's father and the couple feared further harassment in the absence of proof of their wedded status. However before the two could reach Lucknow, they were pounced upon by Mahesh's father and brothers who beat up and dragged Mahesh away and threatened Sudha, then five months pregnant, to abort her child.

A terrified Sudha reported the matter to the police but when a FIR was not registered she sought help from the Association for Advocacy and Legal Initiatives (AALI)—a Lucknow based resource organization. Even after the registration of the FIR, and Sudha’s statement before the police, Shatrughan Singh was not arrested on the pretext that he was posted in Sitapur. Sudha continued to pursue the case and was repeatedly threatened, twice with acid attacks.

Fearing for her safety, AALI helped Sudha secure temporary shelter at the government shelter home in Allahabad till her son was born. Throughout her ordeal, Sudha had a sneaking suspicion that Mahesh was supporting his father’s doings. Then one evening when Mahesh tried to snatch away and kill their child her worst fears were confirmed.

Sudha was then directed to Humsafar and the organization helped her file a case under the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 for maintenance. The court set that sum at Rs 400, which Sudha dubs “laughable”. Next she filed a case under Section 489 (A), which is still being heard.

Given Mahesh’s constant efforts to harass her, Sudha was offered shelter at the Humsafar office and in 2003 she joined the organization as a public educator, making women understand the many layers of violence and also how they could fight

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back. In 2004, she resumed her education and is now pursuing a degree in Arts. The same year Mahesh remarried.

Sudha’s son Samarth, now 10, is studying at a private school and doing well. “My fight is not for me, it’s more for my son’s future,” explains Sudha who has demanded a sum of Rs 25 lakhs for him. She says her only regret is that she chose to marry a man who could not stand by her.

In 2010, she lost her paternal aunt who had been her biggest support, even when her own family had disowned her. “She used to tell me to not feel offended if people kicked me because every kick will only take me further,” says Sudha.

Sudha knows her courage will take her far.

Sudha at work

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SUNAINA

Sunaina took some years to understand the enormity of the injustice that had been inflicted on her and her children. Even though she knew that a confrontation would be weighed against her, she decided not to back out.

She waited for eight years hoping that her husband Ashish and her in-laws would change their behaviour. While Ashish worked in Mumbai in the artificial jewellery business, she lived with her in-laws in the village Meghpur (Azamgarh) with her two children, facing daily abuse and threats. “They wanted me to leave. When I asked my husband, he said it was because he did not like my face,” she says. Yet she chose legal help as the last recourse.

Sunaina and Ashish were distantly related and so the former’s family did not make too many inquiries before the wedding, soon after which he had left for Mumbai. Her requests to join him were stonewalled by her in-law. When she complained to Ashish, he said that he did not have enough money to keep her. The only time they permitted her to go to Mumbai was when her mother intervened. She had barely settled into her new life, when her mother-in-law got her back. The abuse worsened.

“They would fill my husband’s ears with false stories about my character. Slowly even he stopped speaking to me,” she says.

On his yearly visits home, Ashish began to pressurize her for a divorce. By then the two children had been born and since the prospect of having to bring them up without any support played heavily on Sunaina’s mind, she resisted the pressure. The fear that if she returned to her brother’s home, she would never be permitted re-entry into her married home, kept her from leaving her in-laws despite the worsening abuse.

“He should have made the decision to leave me when we married. Why after two children were born?” she asks.

In 2012 the abuse became unbearable after her brother-in-law (Ashish’s elder brother) attempted to molest her. When she locked herself in a room, he threatened to break down the door. Her cries for help attracted the neighbours and she escaped. The next morning she fled with her two children to her brother.

On the advice of a survivor, she approached the support centre run by SRSP in Jokehara where a Domestic Incident Report was filed. The centre sent out summons to her husband. The couple and the family were counselled and a formal compromise affected in the local thana. According to the terms of the compromise, Sunaina would stay with her brother for a year during which Ashish would make arrangements for getting her to Mumbai. In the interim, he would send money to support his wife and children.

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Despite the organization’s persistent efforts, the money comes intermittently.

Sunaina’s brother, a teacher at the local government school, has assured her that he will try to find her some work in the school. She realizes that financial independence is the key to her future.

“My brother has his own responsibilities. For how long will he support me?” she asks. That sense of insecurity sometimes drives her to consider a re-conciliation, but now its risks are clear to her.

Sunaina says that she will continue to fight for her maintenance as her children’s future depends on it. “I need to stay strong and focus on my children. They are all I have,” she says with a determination that is a testimony to her new found courage.

Sunaina with her children

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USHA

While alcoholic and violent husbands like Ram Achal abound in Azamgarh where unemployment is high, women like Usha who gather the courage to say no for their own sakes and for their children are rare, and inspirational.

Married at the age of 18, Usha, the mother of three children between the ages of 16 and 12 years, came to SRSP to seek respite from her husband Ram Achal, an alcoholic, who would often beat her up. Usha’s decision was prompted by the determination that her children would not suffer at her husband’s hands. “I would have tolerated it but when he started locking the children out of home, I knew I had to act,” she says.

Usha was directed to the organization in 2009 by village elders who knew of its work.

At SRSP, Usha and her children were housed in the short stay home for a while and a Domestic Incident Report filed with the Probation Officer at the Social Welfare Board. Her husband was asked to appear at its office. Both parties were counselled separately and then together. An agreement was drawn up with Usha consenting to return on the condition that her husband would not beat her or her children.

As Ram Achal worked intermittently and would blow up his earnings on alcohol, the organization also offered Usha work as a cook. She also found

work under the Mid Day Meal scheme at a nearby primary school.

Usha’s new found economic independence and the constant follow up of her case by the organization has ensured that her husband has adhered to the conditions of the agreement, even though he has not given up alcohol. Usha though is trying to rid him of the addiction by stealthily mixing a homeopathic medicine that promises to cure alcoholism, in his food.

The change in circumstances has bestowed Usha with immense confidence. She says that she no longer depends on her husband to ensure their children’s future. “I will educate my daughter as much as possible. Every day I teach my sons to respect women,” she says.

Usha’s struggle is remarkable because, despite her father and brother promising support, she never thought of leaving her marital home. “I have complete right over this home, why should I give it up?” she asks.

In her own way, Usha has also turned counsellor for other women in distress, and directs them to the centre. She says, “Women like me suffer abuse because we stay silent. But I tell other women that silence does not help. There is no honour in it, and we must speak out for our rights”.

Usha has proved that it is possible.

Usha preparing a meal at the Sri Ramanand Saraswati Pustakalaya, Jokhara

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For women, confronting violence means confronting centuries of prejudice and traditions, of displaying rare courage shaped by the conviction that a life free of fear is a human right. Each of the women in this collection faced enormous obstacles. Each one of them displayed rare courage which helped them shape a life, which at least in part, was what they wanted. What they lacked in education and riches, they made up in determination and resolve. Their stories are reminders that if women take that first step to question the life that has been chosen for them, the next steps will follow and justice will be delivered. These are human stories, not legal stories. They are real stories, not stories of miracles—and hence stories that are bear testimony to the best of the human spirit.

Oxfam India is a human rights organization that fights poverty and injustice by linking grassroots programmes to local, national and global advocacy and policymaking. Under its gender justice theme Oxfam India addresses the issue of Violence against Women and Women’s Leadership in Governance System. The present booklet highlights Oxfam India’s work in Uttar Pradesh under INGO partnership agreement programme supported by Department of International Development (DFID) Government of United Kingdom. The programme focused on promoting violence free lives for women in India.

Oxfam India 1 Dalibagh, Butler Road,Lucknow - 226 001, Uttar Pradesh.Phone: +91-522-4172000

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