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    Caregiving

    Principal authors: Peter S. Houts, PhD and Carole BeanBooklet editor: Peter S. Houts, PhD

    This handout is based on a chapter fromEldercare at Home, a publication of The

    AGS Foundation for Health in Aging (FHA). Visit www.healthinaging.org for

    more information on the workbook and presentation kits, as well as access the full

    text of Eldercare at Home (without illustrations).

    This handout can be reproduced and distributed provided it is not altered or

    sold for profit.

    2004 The AGS Foundation for Health in Aging

    The AGS Foundation for Health in Aging

    Eldercare At Home - Caregiving 1

    http://www.healthinaging.org/http://www.healthinaging.org/
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    Understanding the problemDefines the problem, who is likely to have it, and what kinds of things can be dto deal with it.

    When to call for professional helpExplains when to call for help immediately or during office hours as well as listsinformation you should have before you call.

    What you can do to helpWhat you can do to help with the problem and to prevent it.

    Carrying out your planHow to deal with problems in carrying out your plan, how to check on progress, awhat to do if your plan isnt working.

    Booklet summarySummarizes what you can do to manage this problem. You can use this sectionget a quick overview of what you can do.

    Each action you can take is in bold and has a picture illustrating the action.

    An important resource for this booklet was the Caring Families manual developedby the Family Caregiver Project at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. Theauthors of the Caring Families manual were D.D. Fernald, PhD; James R. Cook,PhD; and Catherine A. Gutman, DrPH, RN. Its development was supported bygrant no. 90PD0153 from the Office of Human Development Services of theDepartment of Health and Human Services.

    U.S.

    The AGS Foundation for Health in Aging

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    Understanding the Problem

    Juan is learning abouthow he can give goodcare to his mother.

    Caring for an older person at home requires a team of people with different skills

    and perspectives. Doctors, nurses, social workers, and clergy all make important,specialized contributions, but family members or friends give the day-to-day care.

    Your close personal relationship with the person you are caring for helps you to

    understand and interpret his or her feelings, wishes, and needs. You are also the

    first to become aware of many physical and emotional problems, the first to deal

    with those problems, and often are the person who carries out plans that you and

    other team members develop. As a team member, your job is to work cooperatively

    with other members of the teamboth family and professionalin solving

    caregiving problems. To do this you need to use the four problem-solving steps

    discussed in the first chapter of this book.

    As much as possible, the older person and the whole family need to be

    involved in problem-solving. Involve other family members in planning and

    making decisions, as well as carrying out plans. Give them information and invite

    them to express their concerns. This can reduce your burden and any criticism by

    other family members who may not be as directly involved.

    Remember that the older person is also a member of the team. His or her

    participation is essential for plans to succeed. It is also his or her right to beinvolved.

    Emphasize the positive parts of caregiving. Some caregivers see their work as

    helping someone about whom they care deeply. Others see caregiving spiritually,

    as part of Gods plan for them. Many feel that caregiving has enriched their lives.

    Others see it as a challenge and want to do the best job they can. And some see

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    caregiving as a way of showing appreciation for the love and care they have

    received themselves.

    Caregiving can have important benefits. Caring for an older person at home can

    give you a sense of satisfaction and confidence. You will discover inner strengthsthat you didnt realize you had. Caregiving can draw families together and can help

    people feel closer to the person who needs care.

    You can also use your caregiving to open doors to new friends and relationships.

    This can happen from talking to other people who have faced the same problems,

    from meeting people in a support group, from meeting health professionals who

    showed understanding and concern, and from family members who may have

    grown distant but who now are drawn together because of this difficult situation.

    Your goals for caregiving are:

    Be an effective team member working with doctors, other healthprofessionals, family, and friends in solving caregiving problems

    Involve the person you are caring for as much as possible in yourcaregiving plans

    Take care of your own needs so that you have the emotional and physicalstrength to be an effective caregiver

    Call for professional help when needed

    The AGS Foundation for Health in Aging

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    When to Get Professional Helpfor yourself

    Elizabeth is calling thedoctors office whenthe doctor has officehours.

    Caregiving is challenging and rewarding, but it is also very hard work. As a result,

    you may experience stress and need professional help yourself. Ask for help from

    a doctor or other health professionals if any of the following conditions exist.

    Mary is feeling sad anddepressed and can onlythink of bad things that couldhappen. So she calls thedoctor during office hours.

    You are experiencing

    moderate to severe depression

    You should get professional help

    if you are experiencing mood

    swings going from periods ofdepression to periods of agitation

    and high energy; if you feel sad

    most of the day, have lost interest

    in most of your daily activities,

    have difficulty paying attention

    to what you are doing, and have

    trouble making choices; if you

    are thinking seriously of harming

    or killing yourself; or if you have

    been severely depressed beforethis illness and recognize early

    symptoms of depression.

    The AGS Foundation for Health in Aging

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    When to Get Professional Help for yourselfGetting help for depression is just like getting help for physical problems. It is

    normal to be upset at times when caring for someone in your home for a long

    period of time. Professionals such as social workers, counselors, clergy,

    psychologists and psychiatrists are skilled and experienced in helping depressedpeople. Your family doctor can also be helpful in assessing how severe your

    depression is and in recommending a professional to help you. Your family doctor

    may also help by prescribing medicine to help for short periods of time

    Angela is very upset because shecannot do all the things she wants todo for her grandmother. So she calls

    the doctor during office hours.

    You are feeling overwhelmed

    and not sure you can manage

    at home

    Ask for help from your Area

    Office on Aging, socialworkers, or counselors who are

    familiar with services that are

    available in the community.

    This includes respite care

    where someone comes to the

    home to stay with the older

    person so that you can leave, do

    errands, visit friends, go to

    meetings, and get recreation orrest.

    Thelma is wondering what kind ofnursing home would be best for hergrandmother. So she calls thedoctors office during office hours.

    You need information and

    guidance about moving the

    older person to a nursing

    home or other care setting

    Social workers are often

    knowledgeable about nursinghomes in your area. They often

    know about costs, the kinds of

    services each provides, and how

    patients and families have felt

    about the care given there.

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    What You Can Do To be aSupportive Caregiver

    George wants to help hisdad.

    Involve the older person indeveloping and carrying out

    care plans.

    Angela is asking her mother to help solvea caregiving problem.

    This is one of your most

    important jobs. It can also be

    the most challenging. Mental as

    well as physical problems may

    make it difficult for older

    people to participate in

    planning their care. However,their participation is essential.

    When they participate, they feel

    respected and are more likely to

    feel committed to the plan and

    to cooperate in carrying it out.

    To help the older person participate, you have to pay special attention to what you

    say and how you say it. For example, speaking where the older person can see your

    face, speaking clearly, speaking slowly, sitting close so you can have direct eye

    contact, leaning forward or nodding your head to show interest, avoiding

    interrupting or judging, and watching for signs of fatigue or tension.

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    What You Can Do To be a Supportive Caregiver

    Be realistic and flexible about

    what you hope to

    communicate and agree on.If the older person has

    difficulty understanding you,

    remembering what you said,

    and making decisions, then you

    will have to simplify your

    explanations and the decisions

    you ask him or her to make.

    Andys dad is shaking his headbecause he doesnt understand. So

    Andy is making his explanationsimpler.

    If the older person disagrees or wont cooperate with the plan

    Suggest a trial run or a time limit

    this puts off a final decision until he or

    she has had a chance to try the plan.

    Amanda suggests that her mothertry a plan for just a week. Then shecan decide if she likes it.

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    If the older person disagrees or wont cooperate with the plan

    Explain your needs openly.

    Sometimes you will need to ask

    the older person to do things to

    make your life easier or your

    caregiving responsibilities more

    manageable. Remember that

    not all decisions will make

    everyone happy. On some

    issues you will have to

    compromise and, on others,

    youll have to ask the olderperson to compromise. Nancy is telling her mother about her

    own problems. Her mother has tounderstand Nancys needs as wellas her own.

    Choose your battles carefully.

    Ask yourself, What is really

    important here? You can save

    energy by skipping the minor

    conflicts and using your energy

    and influence on issues that

    really count.

    Vickie and her father disagree aboutsomething that Vickie thinks is veryimportant. So she is standing her ground.But she lets her father have his way onthings that are not important to her.

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    If the older person disagrees or wont cooperate with the plan

    Let the person you are caring

    for make decisions as much as

    possible. If the older person

    understands the consequences

    of a decision, you should accept

    his or her right to make the

    decision. If you are concerned

    about safety or health, suggest

    only options that are safe.

    Nancy is asking her aunt to choose whichway to go. Nancy helps her aunt to makeas many decisions as possible.

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    Work with health professionals

    Below are some practical suggestions to keep in mind when you need information

    and help from the doctor or other health professionals.

    Be clear about what

    information you want and get

    to the point as soon as possible.

    Make lists of questions and

    concerns and have the lists in

    front of you when talking to

    health professionals.

    Have all the information

    health professionals may need

    when you call. Try to think

    ahead to what information

    medical staff may need, and try

    to have it ready when you talk

    to them about a problem. This

    will help the staff give you theinformation and guidance you

    need quickly. When Melonie calls the doctor, she has alist of information so she can answer thedoctors questions.

    Thelma has a list of questions when shesees the doctor.

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    Work with health professionals

    Be firm and straightforward

    about getting the information

    and help you need.Health professionals are here to

    help you be a good caregiver.

    Make your requests with

    confidence so that you will get

    the information you need and

    dont be afraid to admit when

    you do not understand. Remain

    calm. Being angry is not

    usually helpful. Being pleasant,

    firm, persistent, and showing

    appreciation are usually the

    best strategies.

    Tanya asks the doctor for information in anice way. She keeps asking nicely untilshe gets the information she needs.

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    Take care of your own needs and feelings

    You need to be at your best to do the best job of helping. Therefore, you should

    pay attention to your own needs as well as those of the person you are caring for.

    Set limits on what you can reasonably expect yourself to do. Take time off to carefor yourself and your needs and ask for help before stress builds up.

    Schedule positive experiences

    for yourself. There are three

    types of positive experiences

    that you need for good mental

    health: enjoyable activities withother people (examples: talking

    with a friend, playing with

    grandchildren, attending a

    meeting), activities that give

    you a sense of accomplishment

    (examples: cooking a special

    meal, exercising, helping

    others, finishing a project), and

    activities that just make you

    feel good (examples: watchinga funny movie, playing with a

    pet, walking out of doors,

    listening to favorite music).

    You should plan for each of

    these types of activities

    regularly. If you dont,

    caregiving may fill up all your

    time which will then increase

    your stress and reduce yourability to give good care.

    Kit is marking on the calendar when shewill do things that she likes to do. This willhelp her relax and to do a better job caring

    for her grandfather.

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    Take care of your own needs and feelings

    Pay attention to your own

    positive experiences. Make an

    effort to notice and talk aboutpleasant experiences as they

    happen during the day. It is

    often helpful to set aside a

    special time each evening when

    you can think about - or share

    with others - the good things

    that happened that day. Another

    idea that many people have

    found useful is to make lists of

    pleasant experiences. Keepthese lists and read them over

    from time to time to remind

    yourself about the good things

    as they happen. After you have

    done this for awhile, you will

    find yourself noticing good

    things as they happen and

    youll start the day looking

    forward to pleasant things thatwill happen.

    Angela takes time at the end of every dayto make a list of the good things thathappened to her that day.

    Be sure you get enough rest.

    If you are physically exhausted,

    your ability to cope with

    problems will decrease. Youwill be a better problem-solver

    when you are rested.

    Thelma makes sure that she gets plenty ofsleep. This helps her to give better care toher aunt.

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    Take care of your own needs and feelings

    Get help from others.Dont try to do everything

    yourself. If you do, caregiving

    can wear you out, increase your

    stress, and interfere with your

    ability to give good care at

    home. Learn about services that

    are available in your

    community. Support groups

    sponsored by hospitals and

    disease-related volunteergroups (such as Cancer or

    Alzheimers) can sometimes be

    very helpful. In addition, you

    should ask for help from family

    members and friends. Try to

    share tasks. For example, bills

    can be forwarded to a family

    member who live far away to

    relieve the caregiver of thismonthly chore.

    Charlotte asks her family and friends tohelp her care for her mother. She doesnttry to do everything herself. This helps herenjoy caregiving and to give her motherthe best care.

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    Take care of your own needs and feelings

    Sometimes family caregivers

    withdraw from family and

    friends, especially as theirwork gets more difficult.

    They do this because they do

    not want others to see their

    problems or because they are so

    busy that they dont make time

    to be with others.

    Unfortunately, some very

    important things are lost when

    you see fewer and fewer

    people. You lose thestimulation of thinking about

    other peoples lives and you

    lose the suggestions and help

    which others can give. You

    might also forget that other

    people love and care about you

    and are willing to help when

    asked.

    Pat is telling people that she does notwant help. This is wrong. It makes herwork harder and she thinks people dontcare about her, which is not true.

    Reach out to others and ask for their help

    Make a list of people who can

    give companionship and

    support to you and the person

    you are caring for.

    Dont worry about how far

    away these people live, howbusy they are, how long since

    youve talked to them, or even

    how well you know them.

    Make as long a list as you can

    to give you the most choices

    and practical help.

    Judy makes a list of people who couldhelp care for her mother. She also writeswhat they can do and how she can helpthem have a good time when helping.

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    Reach out to others and ask for their help

    Have a list of how people

    could help. Make your listspecific - so the people you

    asked understand exactly what

    is needed. Then they will be

    able to budget their own time

    and be prepared to give the help

    you need.

    Go down your list and think

    how you could make a visit

    (or a phone call) pleasant and

    enjoyable for each person.

    Use these ideas when you invite

    them and when they visit or

    call. When you do this, visitors

    will want to come again and

    you will feel good about asking

    them to return.

    Judy then calls the people on her list andasks them for help. She explains whatthey will do and how long it will take. Shealso makes sure that they will feel goodabout helping.

    Develop strategies for dealing with strong feelings

    It is natural to have strong feelings when giving care over a long period of time.

    Following is a list of strong feelings that caregivers often have and strategies for

    dealing with them if they become severe.

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    Feeling overwhelmed

    Sometimes caregiving problems build up to the point where you feel overwhelmed.

    If this happens:

    Try not to make important

    decision while you are upset.

    Sometimes you have to make a

    decision immediately, but

    usually you dont have to. Ask

    how long before a decision

    really has to be made.

    Roger feels that he cannot make adecision right away. So he sets a laterdate to make the decision. This gives himtime to think about what he wants to doand he doesnt feel rushed into makingdecisions.

    Take time to sort things out.

    It is important to take some

    time to let your thinking

    become clear again. Different

    people need different amounts

    of time for this to happen. Give

    yourself enough time to make

    plans and decisions with a clear

    mind and a more peaceful

    spirit.

    Claire feels upset at first. But she lets timepass until she doesnt feel upset. Then shecan think clearly about her problem anddevelop a plan to solve the problem.

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    Talk over important

    problems with people who are

    feeling more objective.

    If you are feeling very upset or

    discouraged, then ask a friend,neighbor, or family member to

    help. They can bring a calmer

    perspective to the situation as

    well as new ideas and help in

    dealing with the problems you

    are facing.

    Sadie is talking to her friend Melonie about

    her problems. Melonie has given Sadiegood advice in the past and she can seeSadies problems in new ways that helpsSadie think of new solutions.

    Anger

    There are plenty of reasons for you to become angry when you are giving care for a

    long period of time. For example, the older person may, at times, be demandingand irritating. Friends, family members, or professionals may not be as helpful or

    understanding as you would like. Some people feel angry because their lives have

    been turned upside down by taking on caregiving responsibilities.

    These feelings are normal! It is all right to feel this way at times. It is what you do

    with your anger that is important. The best way to deal with angry feelings is to

    recognize them, accept them, and find some way to express them appropriately.

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    Here are some ways that other caregivers have dealt withtheir anger:

    Try to see the situation from

    the other persons point ofview. Recognize that other

    people, including the person

    you are caring for, are also

    under stress. People react in

    different ways to stressful

    events in their lives.

    Carol feels angry about what Cindy said toher. But then she pretends she is Cindy.This helps her understand why Cindy saidwhat she did. Carol then feels better aboutwhat happened.

    At first Mary Lou felt a little bit angry. Butthe more she thought about it she gotmore and more angry until she wasthrowing dishes. This is wrong. Sheshould have expressed her anger earlierwhen she wasnt so very mad. Then shewould not do silly things like throwingdishes.

    Express your anger in

    appropriate ways before it is

    out of control. If you wait,

    your anger may lead to actions

    and words that you may later

    regret. Anger that is out of

    control can cloud your

    judgment.

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    Here are some ways that other caregivers have dealt withtheir anger:

    Find safe ways to expressyour anger. This can include

    such things as beating on a

    pillow, shouting by yourself, or

    doing some hard exercise.

    Sometimes it helps to ventilate

    anger with someone who is

    safe - who wont be offended

    or strike back. Get away from

    the situation for a while and try

    to cool off before you go backand deal with what made you

    angry.

    Angela feels angry, but she gets rid of her

    anger in safe ways such as hitting a pillow,imagining herself yelling, doing exercises,and talking to a friend who isunderstanding.

    Tyrone is blaming himself for being angryabout his caregiving problems. But he isnot to blame. Caregiving is hard and it isnatural to feel angry sometimes.

    Try not to feel guilty about

    your anger. Anger is a natural

    response to a difficult situation.

    Most other people would

    probably feel the same way if

    they were in your shoes.

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    Here are some ways that other caregivers have dealt withtheir anger:

    Sally is talking to her friend Joyce aboutwhy she feels angry. Telling someoneelse about her feeling helps Sally tounderstand why she feels the way shedoes.

    Talk to someone about why

    you feel angry. Explaining toanother person why you feel

    angry helps you to understand

    the reasons for your anger and

    why you reacted as you did.

    Candice is talking to a counselor about herfeelings. The counselor helps Candiceunderstand why she feels the way shedoes and helps her think of ways to solveher problems

    Talk to a counselor.

    It often helps to talk to

    someone removed from the

    situation who can provide

    support and an objective

    viewpoint about your problems.

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    Loss and sadness

    You may feel sad because the person you know and love has changed. Memories

    of how the older person used to be may make you sad. You may feel sad because

    of losing normal things you did before this illness and because of plans that maynot be fulfilled. You may also feel burdened by the responsibilities you have to

    bear alone. Here are some things you can do when you have these feelings:

    Wilma is telling a friend about her feelingsof sadness. Her friend felt the same way

    when she was a caregiver and this makesWilma feel better about her own feelings.

    Talk about your feelings of

    loss with other people who

    have had similar experiences.

    People who have been

    caregivers of older persons will

    usually understand how you

    feel. Support groups are one

    way to find people who have

    had similar experiences and

    who can understand and

    appreciate your feelings.

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    Shame

    You may be embarrassed because the older person looks unusual or acts odd in

    front of others. You may not know how to explain this to other people and you

    may feel badly because you feel ashamed of your own family member.

    These feelings are normal and common. Its all right to have these feelings. There

    are several things you can do to deal with them.

    Carol feels embarrassed about how herfather looks and acts. She talks to herfriend Shiela who says she felt the same

    way about her Uncle. This helps Carolunderstand her own feelings.

    Talk about your feelings with

    someone else who has the

    same problems. That person

    will understand how you feel,

    and telling them about your

    problems will help put theminto perspective.

    Cindy used to be embarrassed being with hergrandfather in public. But then she realizedthat she has a right to go where she wantswith her grandfather and, if that upsets other

    people, that is their problem, not hers.

    Remember that you have a

    right to go into public with

    your family. If other people

    are uncomfortable with how

    your family member looks, they

    can go elsewhere.

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    Here are some ways that other caregivers have dealt withshame:

    When someone asks Millie about why herfather acts the way he does, Millieexplains that he likes to be different fromother people. This explanation helps other

    people to be comfortable around herfather.

    Develop a simple explanationfor why the older person acts

    in a certain way. If someone

    asks, then you can give an

    explanation you are

    comfortable with.

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    Dont assume that everyone

    will be offended. Other caring

    people will notice good things

    about the older person and will

    be understanding and

    supportive.

    Samantha thought other people would beupset by how her Uncle Phil behaved. Butthen she realized that most people werevery understanding and wanted to behelpful to him.

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    Take small, gradual steps to become

    more comfortable with the older

    person in public. Start with people

    you know well and who are

    understanding. Invite them to visitand to be with you and the older

    person. As you become comfortable

    with friends, gradually go out in

    public.

    First Marjorie took her Aunt Millie to see her friend Jane. Then shetook her Aunt to meet several friends together. Later she and AuntMillie went together to meet strangers. By meeting more peopleslowly, both she and her Aunt felt more and more comfortable beingwith new people.

    Guilt

    Many people caring for an older person at home feel guilty at some time during

    their caregiving. They may feel guilty because of not doing a better job of giving

    care. They may feel guilty because they feel angry or upset with the person they

    are caring for. Some people feel guilty almost out of habit. They have learned from

    childhood to feel guilty when something goes wrong.

    Although feeling guilty is understandable, it can interfere with doing the best

    possible job of caregiving. Guilt makes you think only about what you did wrong,

    while most problems have many causes and what you did is only part of the reasonfor the problem. To solve a problem, you have to look objectively at all of the

    causes and then develop plans to deal with the whole problem.

    Dwelling on guilt feelings will rob you of precious energy that you need to cope

    with new problems.

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    Here are some things you can do to deal with feelings of guilt:

    Talk to other people who

    have gone through similar

    experiences about what

    happened and how they felt.

    It is often easier to see a

    situation objectively when it

    happens to someone else, and

    this can give you perspective on

    your own problems.

    Theona expects herself to be perfect.This is wrong. No one can be perfectand we have to accept ourselves as good

    people who sometimes make mistakes.

    Charlie felt guilty about what he said to hisgrandmother until he talked with Angiewho said she also felt guilty about whatshe said to her aunt.. This helped Charliesee that his feelings were natural.

    Dont expect yourself to beperfect. Expecting perfection

    in yourself can cause guilt to be

    a regular part of your life. It is

    helpful to remember that you

    are human, and therefore you

    will make mistakes from time

    to time.

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    Here are another thing you can do to deal with feelings ofguilt:

    Dont dwell on mistakes.

    Accept mistakes and get

    beyond them as best you can.

    Forgive yourself for your

    shortcomings.

    Sonia thinks about her mistakes all the time.This is wrong. This stops her from solving her

    problems.

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    Carrying out and adjusting your plan

    Mary and her mother areworking together to carryout their plans

    Problems you might have carrying out your plan

    Problem:

    If I dont do it, it wont get done.

    Response: It may not - but is it essential? Sort out things that really need to be

    done. Its OK to let some things, like housework, slide a bit when you take on new

    responsibilities.

    Problem:

    I hate to ask other people to help me.

    Response: Start by asking for help with little things and notice how easy it is and

    how much people enjoy helping. If asking makes you very uncomfortable, then get

    someone else to ask for you.

    Problem:

    The person Im caring for doesnt want other people to help us.

    Response: Suggest trying outside help for just a short time and thenyou can both talk over how it worked. Also, explain that you need

    help.

    Problem:

    Im swamped with problems, so I dont have time to take care of my needs.

    Response: This is the most common reason why caregivers become exhausted.

    They become preoccupied with their caregiving problems and dont pay attention

    to themselves. You will be a better caregiver in the long run if you get help with

    caregiving so that you can do things that you enjoy and that you find relaxing.

    Think of other problems you might have carrying out your plan

    What other problems could get in the way of doing the things suggested in this

    handout? For example, will the person cooperate? Will other people help? How

    will you explain your needs to other people? Do you have the time and energy to

    carry out the plan?

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    Checking on progress

    Veronica uses the ideas she learned inthis booklet on caregiving right away. Sheshould not wait until her problems aresevere. It is easier and better to use the

    ideas before problems get out of hand.

    Start using the ideas in this

    handout now. Dont wait until

    you feel overwhelmed. It is

    easier to develop good

    caregiving habits and attitudes

    early before the problems get

    out of hand.

    Every week or so take time to think about how you are doing as a caregiver.

    Re-read this booklet periodically to see if there are ideas here that can be of help.

    What to do if your plan isnt working

    Be realistic about what you expect of yourself. Dont expect to be perfect.

    Everyone makes mistakes. Most plans need to be adjusted and changed as thecondition of the person you are caring for changes and your situation changes.

    If you cannot do the things that are essential for the person you are caring for,

    then consider getting help or moving him or her to an assisted living facility or

    nursing home.

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    When to get professional

    help for yourself

    Explain your needs

    openly.

    Choose your battles

    carefully.

    Involve the older person

    in developing and

    carrying out care plans.

    Suggest a trial run or

    a time limit when

    trying new ideas.

    You are feeling

    moderate to severe

    depression

    You are feeling overwhelmed

    Let the person you are

    caring for make decisions

    as much as possible.

    Be realistic and flexible about

    what you hope to communicate

    and agree on.

    What you can do to be

    a supportive caregiver

    You need information and

    guidance about nursing

    homes or other care settings

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    Be clear about what

    information you want.

    Have all the

    information health

    professionals may need

    when you call.

    Work with health rofessionals

    Be firm and

    straightforward about

    getting the

    information and help

    you need.

    Take care of your own needs and feelings

    Schedule positive

    experiences for yourself.Pay attention to your own

    positive experiences.Be sure you get

    enough rest.

    Get help from others. Make a list of people who can give companionship and

    support. Think about how you could make a visit (or a

    phone call) pleasant and enjoyable for each person. Then

    call or talk to each of them.

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    The AGS Foundation for Health in Aging

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    Anger

    Develop strategies for dealing with strong feelings

    Talk over important

    problems with people

    who are feeling more

    level-headed.

    Try not to make

    important decision while

    you are upset.

    Feeling overwhelmed

    Take time to sort things

    out.

    Find safe ways

    to express your

    anger.

    Express your anger in

    appropriate ways before it

    is out of control.

    Try to see the situation

    from the other persons

    point of view.

    Dont withdraw from family and

    friends, especially as your work

    increases.

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    Talk to someone about

    why you feel angry.

    Try not to feel guilty

    about your anger.

    Talk to a counselor.

    Feelings of loss and sadness

    Talk about your feelings

    of loss with other people

    who have had similarexperiences.

    Feelings of shame

    Talk about your feelings

    with someone else who

    has the same problems.

    Remember that you have

    a right to go into public

    with your family.

    Develop a simple

    explanation for why

    the older person acts

    in a certain way.

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    Talk to other people who

    have had the same

    problems about what

    happened and how they

    Dont expect yourself to

    be perfect.

    Dont dwell on

    mistakes.

    Dont assume that

    everyone will be

    offended.

    Take small, steps to become more comfortable with

    the older person in public.

    Feelings of guilt

    Carrying out andadjusting your plan

    Start using the ideas in this

    booklet now. Dont wait until you

    feel overwhelmed.

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    The AGS Foundation for Health in Aging (FHA)Established in 1999 by the American Geriatrics Society, the AGS Foundation for Health in

    Aging (FHA) builds a bridge between the research and practice of geriatrics health care

    professionals and the public. FHA advocates on behalf of older adults and their special needs:

    wellness and preventive care, self-responsibility and independence and connections to the family

    and community through self-responsibility and independence and connections to the family and

    community through public education, clinical research and public policy.

    Eldercare At Home, Second EditionEldercare At Home is part of a comprehensive effort by the AGS Foundation for Health in Aging

    to provide support and guidance to those of you caring for older people at home. The FHA has

    created a series of Powerpoint slide presentations that cover each of the 27 chapters found in

    Eldercare At Home. Accompanying each slide presentation is a fully illustrated handout that can

    be used as handouts, or as stand-alone resources for caregivers who are dealing with only one or

    two issues.

    The major goal of this initiative is to makeEldercare at Home materials available to all

    caregivers. To this end, the plain text version (without illustrations) ofEldercare at Home is

    available free of charge online at www.healthinaging.org.

    Eldercare at Home Workbook is also available for purchase through the FHA. Each of the

    twenty-seven chapters in the Eldercare at Home books cover the most common problems that

    family caregivers face. TheEldercare at Home Workbook can be used just as you would a

    cookbook. Read a chapter before you start dealing with a specific problem just as you would

    read a recipe before beginning to cook. Reading the chapter allows you to understand the

    problem and take action before it becomes severe. Eldercare at Home can even help you to

    prevent some problems from happening. It offers you advice on developing care plans, which

    will give you a sense of purpose and hope in coping with the challenges of providing care.

    For more information on Eldercare at Home, or the AGS Foundation for Health in Aging, visit

    www.healthinaging.org, or call 1-800-563-4916.

    The AGS Foundation for Health in AgingThe Empire State Building

    350 Fifth Avenue, Suite 801

    New York, NY 10118

    Phone: 1-800-563-4916

    Fax: 212-832-8646www.healthinaging.org

    http://www.healthinaging.org/http://www.healthinaging.org/