Chapter 3:Family Communication, Conflict, and Forgiveness

The Communication Process• Transactional Process – one in which we

simultaneously affect and are affected by our intimate relations

• Focus is on the interconnectedness of the relationship

Family Systems Theory• Views the family as an interconnected

system• Developed by Murray Bowen

Family Systems Theory• Family System is a dynamic entity that consists

of various individuals and their interconnected, intergenerational patterns of interaction.

• The primary function is to bring the parts together and arrange them into a whole, organized entity.

Figure 3.1: Virginia Satir’s Concept of the Family as a Mobile

Key Concepts of Systems Framework

• Interconnecting – family members affect and are affected by each other

• Looking at the whole – individual members’ behavior can only be understood by looking at the whole

Key Concepts of Systems Framework• Establishing boundaries – every system has

some border between it and its environment– Closed boundaries: no information in or

out– Open boundaries: information is

unobstructed, families lose identity• Maintaining balance – families work to

achieve and maintain homeostasis

Figure 3.2: Types of Boundaries

Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems

• Addresses family cohesion, adaptability, and communication

• Assesses family’s level of functioning

Figure 3.3: Olson’s Circumplex Model of Family Functioning

Creating Rules for Communication

• What we can and cannot talk about• Feelings that are allowed to be shared• Decision making• How we can talk about it• Communication strategy

Table 3.1: Cultural Competence: Enhancing Cultural Communication Skills

Table 3.1: Cultural Competence: Enhancing Cultural Communication Skills

Symbolic Interaction Framework• All human behavior revolves around social

behavior where there is an exchange of messages and symbolic meanings between actors.– Symbols: used to share meanings– Roles: a system of meanings• Role strain – competing demands from

multiple roles• Role conflict – conflicting role pressures

Types of Communication• Communication: the process of making and sharing

meanings– Transaction: parties act as senders and receivers

of information– Process: dynamic and ever changing– Involves Co-Construction: constructing

definitions– Involves Symbols: used to construct meanings

and definitions

Verbal Communication Exchanges of thoughts, messages, or information

through the spoken wordFundamental Processes of Verbal Communication:

1.Communication Effectiveness2.Perceptual Accuracy3.Predictive Accuracy4.Interpersonal Cognitive Complexity

Table 3.2: Verbal Communication Processes

Nonverbal Communication• Emotional communication gestures and

movements that convey our emotions• Occurs with or without the spoken word

• Includes facial expressions, motions of the body, eye contact, patterns of touch, expressive movements, hand gestures and more

Relational and Non-relationalMessages• Relational – those having something to do

with the partnership• Non-relational – those dealing with issues or

topics outside of the relationship• Decoding – interpreting the unspoken

exchanges

Types of Emotional Messages

• Positive Emotional Messages– Love, pleasure, affection

• Negative Emotional Messages–Anger and irritation

• Neutral Emotional Messages–Non-specific, ambiguous, hard to interpret

Private Couple Meanings

• Special interaction between partners• Predictive in nature• Based on information that only partners

share with one another

Conflict in Relationships

Areas of conflict:• Money matters• Division of household labor• Sex• Tremendous trifles

Constructive Conflict

• Constructive Conflict – builds relationships and fosters loyalty, commitment and intimacy

• How couples handle conflict determines marital longevity

Regulated Couples• Use communication patterns that promote

closeness and intimacy– Validating Couple: empathetic, supportive,

seldom express negative emotions– Volatile Couple: charged with intense

emotion, passion, romance, intense disputes but remain intimately connected

– Conflict-Minimizing Couple: avoid conflict, minimize significance of trouble, conflict kept below the surface

Non-regulated Couples• Have difficulty resolving conflicts, interactions

far more negative– Criticism: involves attack on the partner– Defensiveness: criticism/defend pattern

becomes a cycle of negativity– Contempt: disrespect, scorn, hatred– Stonewalling: communication between

partners shuts down

Destructive Conflict• May be overt or covert– Denial: when words and actions do not match– Disqualification: when a person covers-up an

expressed emotion– Displacement: when a person takes out anger

on someone else– Disengaged: no emotional closeness– Pseudo-mutuality: false closeness with

underlying anger and hostility

Functional and Nurturing Communication

• Functional Communication –Addresses the important functions of daily

life• Nurturing Communication–Conveys intimacy, caring, recognition and

validation of family members

Cornerstones of Communication• Developing Relational Cultures–Relational culture is a framework of

understandings–Coordinate attitudes, actions and

identities of the couple and family

Cornerstones of CommunicationConfirming messages and responses• Acknowledgement of the other person• Willingness to be involved in the relationship– Recognition: confirming and acknowledging,

may be verbal or nonverbal– Confirming: simple recognition and

acceptance of one another– Acceptance: every family feels they belong

Cornerstones of Communication• Self-disclosure – voluntarily sharing personal

information• Self-disclosure – Increases as relational intimacy increases– Increases when there are rewards– Tends to be reciprocal– Increases relational satisfaction

Cornerstones of Communication• Communicate often– Family communication can be enhanced

or hindered by the time spent in the process of communication– Family meetings provide structure and

organization to the family system

Cornerstones of Communication• Listen actively –means actually hearing what the other

person is saying– reflective listening means paying attention

to verbal and nonverbal messages

• Table 3.3: Poor Listening Styles

Cornerstones of Communication• Use humor– Laughing produces endorphins which relax

and calm us– Laughter and humor provide a way to

relieve stress in certain situations–Humor brings people together and helps

keep things in perspective

Table 3.4: Rank Ordering of the Forgiveness Process by Study Participants