chapters 5 8

Copyright © 2007 Allyn and Bacon 1

Chapter 5: Listening in Interpersonal Communication

Purposes and Payoffs of ListeningPurposes and Payoffs of Listening

Learn

Relate

Influence

Play

Help

Purposes

Payo

ffs



Stages of Listening ProcessStages of Listening Process

Listening is not the same as hearing

Hearing is passive, listening is active

Five stages

Receiving

Understanding

Remembering

Evaluating

Responding



Stages of Listening - ReceivingStages of Listening - Receiving

Hearing and attending to verbal and

nonverbal

Focus Attention on Speaker’s Verbal and

Nonverbal Cues (volume, rate,

expressions)

Avoid Distractions

Focus on Speaker, Not What You’ll Say

Next

Avoid Interrupting—maintain your role

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Learning and deciphering meaning,

thoughts and emotional tone expressed

Relate New Information to What You Know

See Speaker’s Point of View

Ask Questions for Clarification

Paraphrase Speaker’s Ideas

Stages of Listening - UnderstandingStages of Listening - Understanding



Remembering and Retaining

Needs to take place to have listening

occur

Memory is reconstructive, not

reproductive

Identify Central Ideas and Major Support

Summarize the Message

Repeat Names and Key Concepts

Stages of Listening - RememberingStages of Listening - Remembering

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Judging and criticizing

Evaluation of the message in some way

Resist Premature Evaluation

Give Speaker Benefit of the Doubt

Distinguish Facts from Inferences

Identify Speaker’s Biases and/or Prejudices

Stages of Listening - EvaluatingStages of Listening - Evaluating



Two Phases: during and after message

Support the Speaker with Back-Channeling

Express Support for Speaker

Respond Honestly Even in Disagreement

Own Your Responses

Provide a Supportive Atmosphere

Stages of Listening - RespondingStages of Listening - Responding



Listening is a Collection of Skills

All Five Stages Overlap

Listening is Never Perfect

Listening is Situational

Implications of the Model of ListeningImplications of the Model of Listening

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Styles of Listening Empathic and ObjectiveStyles of Listening Empathic and Objective Do you need to understand, identify with speaker or hold to

real world objectives?

Punctuate from Speaker’s Point of View

See as speaker does

Engage in Equal, Two-Way Conversations

Eliminate barriers (physical and psychological)

Seek to Understand Thoughts and Feelings

Avoid “Offensive Listening”

Looking for bits and pieces to attack with

Strive to be Objective, look at context

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Styles of ListeningNonjudgmental and CriticalStyles of ListeningNonjudgmental and Critical

Keep Open Mind, suspend judgment

Avoid Filtering or Oversimplifying

Hear the entire message, not just the good parts

Recognize Own Biases

Don’t let your own thoughts, attitudes, culture interfere with taking it from

speaker’s POV

Avoid Uncritical Listening

Listen to everything, ask for adequate info before judging

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Styles of ListeningNonjudgmental and CriticalStyles of ListeningNonjudgmental and Critical

Recognize Fallacies

Name-calling

Testimonials

Bandwagon

Agenda-setting

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Styles of Listening Surface and DepthStyles of Listening Surface and Depth

Surface: literal meaning

Depth: beyond surface

Focus on Verbal and Nonverbal

Listen for Content and Relational

Messages

Note Statements that Refer Back to

Speaker

Don’t Disregard Literal Meanings



Styles of Listening Active and InactiveStyles of Listening Active and Inactive

Active Listening

Checks for understanding, acknowledges speakers

thoughts and feelings, and stimulates speaker to

further explore

Do this by:

Paraphrase Speaker’s Meaning

Express Understanding of Speaker’s Feelings

Ask Questions

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Culture and ListeningCulture and Listening

Language and Speech

No two people speak exactly the same language

Nonverbal Behaviors

Display rules, each culture has own nonverbal vocab

Feedback

Some cultures value honesty, other value being positive over truthful

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Gender and ListeningGender and Listening

Achieve Different Ends

Women listen to connect, men listen to gain respect and establish

dominance

Demonstrate Listening Differently

Women engage in more eye contact and give more feedback

Time Spent Listening

Men listen to women less than women listen to men

Differences Changing Rapidly

Result of socialization; two different sets of learned behavior

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AccentComplementContradictControlRepeatAnd Substitute For…

…Verbal Communication…Verbal Communication

Nonverbal Communication is Used to…Nonverbal Communication is Used to…

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When Communicating Electronically...When Communicating Electronically...

People Use Emoticons

Keyboard Nuances

Text substitutions

:-)

:-(

*

:-

>-

{}

{{{***}}}

;-)

<G>



Meaning PrinciplesMeaning Principles

Meanings are in People

You don’t receive meaning, you construct it

Based on your values, perception, experiences,

etc.

Meanings are More Than Words and Gestures

You can only approximate what the other

person means

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Messages and Meanings (continued)Messages and Meanings (continued)

Meanings are Unique

No two people ever derive the exact same meaning

Meanings are Context-Based

Some words have different meanings in different situations

Fat/phat, cool/cool, hoe/ho, etc

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Message PrinciplesMessage Principles Messages are Packaged

Nonverbal and verbal are packaged together

Look for a match between the two, or re-evaluate

Messages are Rule-Governed

Norms about what is appropriate, grammar

Messages Vary in Abstraction

General or abstract, some confusion can arise

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Messages Vary in Politeness Messages Vary in Politeness

Desirable Trait Across Most Cultures

Gender Differences

Women’s speech is more polite than men’s

How we treat strangers vs. how we treat

intimates or friends



Messages and NetiquetteMessages and Netiquette

Read the FAQs

Don’t Shout—ALL CAPS

Lurk Before Speaking or Contributing

Don’t Contribute to Traffic Jams

Be Brief

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Messages and Netiquette (continued)Messages and Netiquette (continued)

No Commercial Communication

Treat Newbies Kindly

Don’t Spam

Don’t Flame

Don’t Use Offensive Language

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Messages Vary in InclusionMessages Vary in Inclusion

Excluding Talk - Language & Topics Not

Shared

Another language, hushed tone, stop talking upon

entrance

Inclusive Talk - Seeking Others’ Perspective,

Providing Unfamiliar Details, Confirming

Responses



Messages Vary in DirectnessMessages Vary in Directness

Advantages of Indirect Messages

Express Desire without Offending

Seeking Compliments

Disadvantages of Indirect Messages

Win-lose situations more likely

Create Problems with Understanding

Gender and Cultural Differences

Men are more indirect when going against the masculine stereotype

Some cultures prefer indirect to direct language



Messages Vary in AssertivenessMessages Vary in Assertiveness

Nonassertiveness Lack of assertiveness in all or some communication

“You Win, I lose”

Aggressiveness Care about self and not the other

“I Win, You Lose”

Assertiveness Act in best interest without infringing on the other person

“I Win, You Win”

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Principles for Increasing Assertive CommunicationPrinciples for Increasing Assertive Communication

Analyze Assertive Communication

Rehearse Assertive Communication



Communicate AssertivelyCommunicate Assertively

Describe the Problem

State How it Affects You

Propose Solutions

Confirm Understanding

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Language Symbolizes RealityLanguage Symbolizes Reality

Intensional Orientation

Labels First, Actual Second

Buy it for the label

Extensional Orientation

Actual First, Label Second

Meet someone and then classify them

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Language Symbolizes Reality (continued)Language Symbolizes Reality (continued)

Cultural Identifiers

Boy, Girl, Gay, Lesbian, African

American, White, Hispanic,

Chicano, Etc.

Allness

Six Blind Men and the Elephant

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Language Expresses Both Facts and InferencesLanguage Expresses Both Facts and Inferences

Fact-Inference Confusion

Act as though an inference is a factual statement

Ex) acting on what you think, not know

Pragmatic Implications

Puts together factual conclusions to make an inference

Ex) sales manager gets fired

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Facts and Inferences—FactsFacts and Inferences—Facts

Made Only After Observation

Limited to What Has Been Observed

Made Only by Observer

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Facts and Inferences—Facts (continued)Facts and Inferences—Facts (continued)

About Past or Present

Approach Certainty

Subject to Verifiable Standards

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Facts and Inferences—InferencesFacts and Inferences—Inferences

Made At Any Time

Go Beyond What is Observed

Made by Anyone

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Facts and Inferences—Inferences (continued)Facts and Inferences—Inferences (continued)

May Be About Past, Present, or Future

Vary in Probability

Not Subject to Verifiable Standards



Language Expresses Both Denotation and ConnotationLanguage Expresses Both Denotation and Connotation

Denotation

Dictionary/literal

Connotation

Snarl Words

Purr Words

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Language Can Criticize and PraiseLanguage Can Criticize and Praise

Providing Honest Appraisal Tell the TruthConsider How You Phrase

Negative Appraisal

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Offering Criticism

Focus on Event not Personality

State Criticism Positively

Own Your Thoughts and Feelings

Be Clear

Avoid Ordering Change

Consider the Context




Giving Praise

Use I-Messages

Make Sure Affect Communicates Feelings

Name the Behavior You’re Praising

Take Culture Into Consideration



Language Can Obscure DistinctionsLanguage Can Obscure Distinctions

Indiscrimination

Form of stereotyping

Focus on classes as opposed to individuals

Ethnocentrism

Evaluate your own culture as better than other cultures

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Language Can Obscure DistinctionsLanguage Can Obscure Distinctions

Polarization

Either/or fallacy

Describe the world in extremes

Static Evaluation

Retain an evaluation despite changes in that

person or thing



Language Can Confirm/DisconfirmLanguage Can Confirm/Disconfirm

Confirmation

Communication pattern that acknowledges and accepts a person

Disconfirmation

Communication pattern that ignores a person’s presence

Talking with the Grief Stricken

Encourage them to share feelings, but don’t force

Avoid forcing them to think of the bright side

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Sexism

Generic Man

Generic He and His

Sex-role Stereotyping

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“ism’s” that disconfirm

Heterosexism

Racism

Ageism

Racist/Sexist/Heterosexist Listening

Listening is influenced by the ‘isms’ too

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Functions of Nonverbal CommunicationFunctions of Nonverbal Communication

Impression Management Body size, skin color, dress, etc

Forming and Defining Relationships Communicate closeness

Signal dominance

Structuring Conversation and Social

Interaction Turn-taking cues

Influence Signals truth or deception

Emotional Expression Revealing emotions through nonverbals

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Body CommunicationBody Communication

Body Gestures



Body CommunicationBody Communication Body Appearance

Dress, skin color, hair

color, etc

Halloween costume

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Facial CommunicationFacial Communication

Signal EmotionsSadness

Disgust

Contempt

Interest

Happiness

Surprise

Fear

Anger




Facial Management

Intensify

exaggerate

Deintensify

Cover up feelings for benefit of others

Neutralize

Cover so others are not affected

Mask

Hide feelings

Simulate

Fake it

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Facial Feedback

Facial Feedback Hypothesis

Facial Expressions Influence Physiological

Arousal

Feeling and expressing increases arousal

Influences what others think of you



Eye CommunicationEye ContactEye CommunicationEye Contact

Monitor Feedback “what do you think?”, signals attention

Secure Attention and Interest Increasing eye contact to get more attention/interest

Regulate or Control Conversation

Signals turn-taking, initiates a new speaker

Signal Nature of Relationship

Positive or negative, “gaydar”

Signal Status and Aggression

Visual dominance, stare down

Compensate for Distance

Can overcome distances, express closeness



Eye CommunicationEye Communication

Eye Avoidance Privacy

Civil Inattention

Turn attention away from public argument, PDA

Pupil Dilation

What happens to the pupil of the eye Interest Level: enlarged pupil with higher interest level

Attraction: enlarged pupil with more attraction

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Touch CommunicationTouch Communication

Meanings of Touch Positive Emotions

Trust, similarity, informality

Playfulness Deemphasizes emotions, lightens interaction

Control Behaviors, thoughts, feelings of another

Ritualistic Greetings/departures

Task-Related Associated with a task

Touch Avoidance Avoid touch in certain circumstances/from people

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ParalanguageParalanguage

What is Paralanguage?

Rate

Volume

Pitch

People Perception and Paralanguage

Persuasion and Paralanguage

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Functions of SilenceFunctions of Silence Time to Think

Hurt Others

Response to Anxiety

Prevent Communication

Communicate Emotional

Responses

Achieve Specific Effects

Nothing to Say

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Spatial MessagesProxemic DistancesSpatial MessagesProxemic Distances



Spatial MessagesTheories About SpaceSpatial MessagesTheories About Space

Protection Theory

Buffer zone around you, “your space”

Equilibrium Theory

Greater the intimacy, closer the distance

Expectancy Violations Theory

What happens as you increase/decrease distances wit someone who you

are not intimate with



Spatial MessagesTerritorialitySpatial MessagesTerritoriality

Primary Territories

Your own: room, office, desk

Secondary Territories

Don’t belong to you, but you occupy: table at the cafeteria, seat in class

Public Territories

Open to all: restaurant, movie theater

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Spatial MessagesTerritorialitySpatial MessagesTerritoriality

Markers

Central Markers

Reserves your place: drink at the bar, books on your desk

Boundary Markers

Divide your territory from another’s: checkout separator, arm rests

Ear Markers

Indicate possession: trademarks, nameplates, monograms

Territorial Encroachment

Higher status people can invade the territory of a lower status person, but not

vice versa



Artifactual CommunicationArtifactual Communication

Space Decoration

Color Communication

Clothing and Body

Adornment

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Olfactory CommunicationOlfactory Communication

Attractants

Taste Enhancers

Memory Aids

Sources of Identification

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Temporal CommunicationTemporal Communication

Psychological Time

Past, Present, or Future Orientation

Future Income Related to Future Time

Orientation

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Nonverbal Communication and CultureNonverbal Communication and Culture

Culture and Facial Expression

Culture and Color

Culture and Touch

Culture, Paralanguage, and Silence




Culture and Time

Formal Time

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Monochronism and Polychronism

chapters 5 8

Education

payoffs of listening

offensive listening

perfect listening

uncritical listening

questions microsoft

context microsoft image

attack microsoft image

role microsoft image