Chill out, football fans -just pretend you're cheeseheads

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lYou can keep

tra.{( of $ePdorubec nre tlpyhave beqr lnUpranrelocdon dncc ,

1919, atUouElr

moct of 0tgconntry doesr'tknow rvhere

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Hteams

ere is some adviee for thosebrooding fans in Cleveland andLos Angeles, whose footballhave been carried off by

unscrupulous franehise owners.And for those of us in Chicago who

waste time worryingabout what Miehael"The Weenie"McCaskey might dowith the Bears.

Forget it. Do as Ihave done andbecome an out-of-town fan ofAmerica's Team.

No, I'm not talkingabout the DallasCowboys, who false-lv claim to be

Chicago beat America's Team.The truth is,

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Dallas becamenationally popular

only because it hired higher-classhussies to jiggle and bounce for the net-works.

Ifthere is one team that desenres to becalled America's Team, it is in the mostunlikely eommunity to have a majorleague sports franchise of any kind.

Yes. I'm talking about little Green Bay,Wis., and its Packers.

Consider this: Los Angeles. thenation's second-biggest city. has recent-ly lost two NFL teams.

Yet there has never been even a hintthat the Packers rvould leave Green Bay.a city with fewer residents than L.A hasrioters.

You don't hear the ownets of theGreen Bay team whining that they arenot rich enough or trying to shake downthe local taxpayers for new goodies thatwill make them even richer.

That's because the Packer franchise isowned by the kind ofpeople who shouldorvn every football franchise.

Basically, it is owned by the people ofGreen Bay. And it would be almostimpossible for the team to go anywhereelse because no one individual owns abig enough piece to do it.

As Phil Pionek, executive assistant to

MikeRoyko

the team president, explains the setup:"There are 1,898 stockholders repfe-

senting 4,634 shares. A good majorityare Wisconsin residents. Most share-holders own one share. The bylaws indi-catr, that no one shareholder can hold2fi) shares.

"There are no dividends, no interest,no special season ticket privileges.Stockholders meet once a year at theannual meeting, and they elect theboa.rd of directors.

"The board elects the executive com-mittee and they operate the daily func-tions. It is seven people: the pr6sident,vice president, secretary, treasurer andthre e members at large.

"The president-CEo is the only personwhr. is compensated. Everyone else sitsgralis."

Isrr't that sensible? It means that thePac!<ers are truly Green Bay's team, thewa1 the Rams and Raiders weren'tL.A.'s team; ancl the Cardinals weren'tChirago's team or St. Louis'team andmight not remain Phoenix's team; andthe Browns weren't really Cleveland's

team; and the Colts weren't really aTexas team or Baltimore's team ...

Who can keep track of all these eotn-ings and goings?

But you can keep traek ofthe Packersbecause they have been in the samelocation since'1919, although most of thecountry doesn't know rvhere Green Bayis. Even people in Grcen Bay'{g:en't allsure u'here it is. but they don't have toknow, since they are already tkine.

Those of us in Chicago sometimespoke affectionate I'un at our rusticneighbors to the north.

We call them cheeseheads and chuck-le at the way they chomp their brat-wurst, drink their brandy-beer boiler-makers, and happily thump their dis-tentled tummies. The men. too.

But while Chicagoans rvorry about theBears moving to Gary, Ind., where theplayers might be mugged on their way tothe locker room, the Green Bay fans arefree ofsuch concerns.

This is the way it should be in everyfootball-crazed eity. They should ownthe teams, not some prissy bookkeeper

like MeCaskey, a double-talking hustterlike the guy who dumped Cleveland" theblowhard who took the Colts: toIndianapolis, or the other megabilckowners whose loyalty is comparable tothat of a leech.

If the 1,898 Packers stockholders carrrenounce greed, envy, the works of'Satan and othel vulgar cravings. rvhycan't it be done in other cities? ThePackers have managed to win champi.onships with their homespun system. . rtthe very least, they always field teanr.that are just as capable of twanging anopponent's tendons and crunching hiscartilage as anyone else's.

So until they get another team inCleveland (maybe the Cleveland Bears)and L.A, (maybe the L.A. Cardinals), thefans of these eities should join me ineating a big brat, burping a big burp andcheering on America's Team.

You will beeome not only an honorarycheesehead but an even greater honor

- an honorary Packerhead.Anyone for a bumper sticker?

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