clemson - issue 5 - 10/15/2014

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Alumni, the High Schoolers of College With homecoming quickly approaching, you may find yourself excited for alumni to return to Clemson. Well, you shouldn’t be. It is important to remember that these alumni aren’t the same people they once were. Once you look past their seemingly mature appearance, you’ll realize that life after graduation has changed them to the point where they now more closely re- semble high school students than Clemson students. Here’s how: Their Lives Are Horrible: Whether we’re talking post-grads with entry-level jobs, or unemployed post-grads calling their parents “roommates,” every- one knows that life outside of college is a giant shit sandwich. Anyone who visits is undoubtedly trying to make the most of the one weekend of the year where they have anything to live for. Much like the in- sufferable high schooler who thinks their Delaware state championship ring means something, these alumni have no interest in anything besides reliving their glory days and reminding you of what a legend they were back in the day. They Can’t Drink: The real world is no place for someone with a college-level alcohol dependency to survive in. Sure, they think they can still drink, but any tolerance they once had left them when they started drinking a single glass of wine at dinner in order to reduce their risk of heart disease and calling it a night at nine o’clock. They may still go out once a week if they aren’t too tuckered out from work, but that’s no competition for the college lifestyle where 3 nights at the bars a week is considered tame. They’re Going to Get Sloppy and Embarrass Themselves: Having a terrible life in addition to a low alcohol tolerance is a recipe for disaster. Combine that with desperation for a great weekend and overconfidence in their abil- ity to drink and you’ve got an unheard of quadruple threat. This could come to frui- tion as vomit all over the couch, waking up on the roof, or a horrific injury. They Think Your House Is Garbage: Whether they’re living with their parents or in an apartment fit for a real adult, they are disgusted by your living conditions. While they probably won’t say anything outright about your coffee table that is just plywood held up by two kegs or your spatula/fly swatter, they think you are disgusting. It may be hard to blame them because, face it, your apartment is pretty terrible, but the fact that it bothers them is what’s truly dis- gusting. They Think They’re Better Than You: While everyone in the world is openly jealous of college students, behind closed doors those same people are also conde- scending to the college population that struggles to wake up before 11a.m. and still complains about the 2-3 hours a day they spend in class. And while that’s a pretty in- defensible argument, how dare they? It’s hard to skip less than the allotted days of class you are designated by the syllabus. You can only have “family emergencies” so many times a semester before you have to come up with a complicated story about Grandpa crapping the bed. So, next time you see an alumnus who thinks they are better than you just be- cause they have a college degree and you aren’t on track to graduate until Hillary Clinton’s second term, just remind them that they’re just a glorified high school student and a visitor in your domain. Re- member, it took Tommy Boy seven years to graduate college and he only went to crappy Marquette, so your situation is to- tally justifiable. Don’t let the alumni bring you down, they have nothing on you. FOLLOW US @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM OCTOBER 16TH, 2014 - OCTOBER 29TH, 2014 IF YOU’RE TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED, THEN JUST BE A CAT. THE EVOLUTION OF YOUR HALLOWEEN COSTUME IN 10 SIMPLE STEPS PAGE 5 WE HAVE 10 SUGGESTIONS TO BRING UP WITH THE LABOR DEPARTMENT. TOP 10: CAMPUS JOBS THAT SHOULD ACTUALLY EXIST PAGE 6 FOLLOW OUR FLOWCHART TO MAKE THE BEST DECISION OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. WHAT KIND OF HALLOWEEN PARTY SHOULD YOU ATTEND? PAGES 10-11 The Black Sheep Volume 7 Issue 5 The College Newspaper That's Actually About College Free! Like stealing costume ideas from BuzzFeed. Dan Collins wrote this

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Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

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Page 1: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

Alumni, the High Schoolers of CollegeWith homecoming quickly approaching, you may find yourself excited for alumni to return to Clemson. Well, you shouldn’t be. It is important to remember that these alumni aren’t the same people they once were. Once you look past their seemingly mature appearance, you’ll realize that life after graduation has changed them to the point where they now more closely re-semble high school students than Clemson students. Here’s how:

Their Lives Are Horrible:

Whether we’re talking post-grads with entry-level jobs, or unemployed post-grads calling their parents “roommates,” every-one knows that life outside of college is a giant shit sandwich. Anyone who visits is undoubtedly trying to make the most of the one weekend of the year where they have anything to live for. Much like the in-sufferable high schooler who thinks their Delaware state championship ring means something, these alumni have no interest in anything besides reliving their glory days and reminding you of what a legend they were back in the day.

They Can’t Drink:

The real world is no place for someone with a college-level alcohol dependency to survive in. Sure, they think they can still drink, but any tolerance they once had left them when they started drinking a single glass of wine at dinner in order to reduce their risk of heart disease and calling it a night at nine o’clock. They may still go out once a week if they aren’t too tuckered out from work, but that’s no competition for

the college lifestyle where 3 nights at the bars a week is considered tame.

They’re Going to Get Sloppy and Embarrass Themselves:

Having a terrible life in addition to a low alcohol tolerance is a recipe for disaster. Combine that with desperation for a great weekend and overconfidence in their abil-ity to drink and you’ve got an unheard of quadruple threat. This could come to frui-tion as vomit all over the couch, waking up on the roof, or a horrific injury.

They Think Your House Is Garbage:

Whether they’re living with their parents or in an apartment fit for a real adult, they are disgusted by your living conditions. While they probably won’t say anything outright about your coffee table that is just plywood held up by two kegs or your spatula/fly swatter, they think you are disgusting. It may be hard to blame them because, face it, your apartment is pretty terrible, but the fact that it bothers them is what’s truly dis-gusting.

They Think They’re Better Than You:

While everyone in the world is openly jealous of college students, behind closed doors those same people are also conde-scending to the college population that struggles to wake up before 11a.m. and still complains about the 2-3 hours a day they

spend in class. And while that’s a pretty in-defensible argument, how dare they? It’s hard to skip less than the allotted days of class you are designated by the syllabus. You can only have “family emergencies” so many times a semester before you have to come up with a complicated story about

Grandpa crapping the bed.

So, next time you see an alumnus who thinks they are better than you just be-cause they have a college degree and you aren’t on track to graduate until Hillary Clinton’s second term, just remind them

that they’re just a glorified high school student and a visitor in your domain. Re-member, it took Tommy Boy seven years to graduate college and he only went to crappy Marquette, so your situation is to-tally justifiable. Don’t let the alumni bring you down, they have nothing on you.

FOLLOW US @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COMOCTOBER 16th, 2014 - OCTOBER 29th, 2014

IF YOU’RE TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED, THEN JUST BE A CAT.

THE EVOLUTION OF YOUR HALLOWEEN COSTUME IN 10 SIMPLE STEPS

PAGE 5

WE HAVE 10 SUGGESTIONS TO BRING UP WITH THE LABOR DEPARTMENT.

TOP 10: CAMPUS JOBS THAT SHOULD ACTUALLY EXIST

PAGE 6

FOLLOW OUR FLOWCHART TO MAKE THE BEST DECISION OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

WHAT KIND OF HALLOWEEN PARTY SHOULD YOU ATTEND?

PAGES 10-11

The Black SheepVolume 7 Issue 5The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

Free! Like stealing costume

ideas from BuzzFeed.

Dan Collins wrote this

Page 2: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

FOLLOW US! @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

OWNED & OPERATED BY:Black Card Media, LLC

2130 W. Potomac AvenueSuite 1, Chicago, Illinois 60622

Contact Corporate: 217.390.1747For Advertising: 608.712.0900

DISCLAIMER:The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or

supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking.

This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything

printed in this publication.

Please drink...responsibly and legally.

CAMPUS MANAGERRebecka Talley

EDITORIAL MANAGER Courtney Paul

ADVERTISING MANAGERS Mark Calvin BrackinJulie Socolow

WRITERS Joey Glass, Dan CollinsAustin Cope, Hannah Soblo

SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGERCourtney Merlo

DISTRIBUTION MANAGERAlex Beaver

CAMPUS DIRECTORBrendan Bonham

OWNERAtish Doshi

FOUNDERSAtish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers

[email protected]

[email protected]

HATE [email protected]

MEET the STAFF

Page 3: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

A FEW MORE WAYS TO KILL SOME TIME.

PLAY WITH US! @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM

PAGE 3BEAT OUR CAPTION!

Tweet us a better caption and win a prize!

WORD of the WEEK

The above phrase is either a gross sex euphemism or a serial killer’s nick-name. Which is it? Let us know by tweeting us your answer. If you’re

right, you’ll win a prize! Check back next week for this week’s answer!

GUESS THE REALITY TV STAR!

Made a cameo in season one of HBO’s Treme.#2

For a short time, ran a website, EatDrinkOrDie.com#3

Owner of Craft restaurants.#1

Whatever your dirty pleasure may be, don’t deny you watch reality TV. The image to the left is a silhouette of a reality TV star, and below are three clues as to who the person is. Let us know who you think it

is by tweeting us your answer. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize!

SEX EUPHEMISM ORSERIAL KILLER NICKNAME?

THE CARPET CLEANER

MALAPOOPISM

Accidentally or purposely shitting where one shan’t shit.

Bridget claimed her best malapoopism was the time she left a brown baked present in the

trunk of an ex-lover’s Honda Accord.

“Four peyote caps later, the world had successfully cracked revenge on Miley Cyrus’ vocal cords.”

Page 4: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

Clemson

104 Finley St.reetClemson, SC 29631-1532

864-653-7764

Easley

6101-I Calhoun Mem. HwyEasley, SC 29640

864-855-1289

Greenville

20 E. Coffee StreetDowntown Greenville, SC

864-552-1541

Spartanburg

100 E. Main St.reetSpartanburg, SC 29306

864-582-2662

Check Us Out Online at Grouchos.comTIGERS TOGO.COM

Go Tigers! Beat BC and Cuse!

Your Fast, Fresh & Original Neighborhood Deli

LIFE SKILLZ

The fantasy football craze is more popular than ever. Considering its quick move from official NFL fantasy leagues to unofficial college leagues, it was only a matter of time before it moved to local leagues and finally to local flag football leagues. So you can stay ahead of the curve, here’s some strategy for drafting your next fantasy flag football team.

First things first, FFF (fantasy flag football), is all about production over friendship. League organizers claim it’s about competition with friends, and it is, in the sense that destroying those friends and making them cry is just “friendly competition.” So, don’t draft your friend that tries really hard but doesn’t get results. You can like him every other day, just not on draft day.

The quarterback position accounts for nearly all of the production in FFF. Flag football is a passing league after all, so draft them early and often. Even if you can’t play them all, drafting three elite QBs just leaves less opportunity for your opponents. The ones you are really aiming for are the ones wearing sleeveless shirts and bandanas to keep their hair out of their eyes; they don’t mess around with distractions. These guys want to throw it deep on every play and run up the score, racking up plenty of yards and TDs that convert to major FFF pointage.

Next up: locating your wide receiver; hey those bandana-wearing dudes gotta throw it to someone. Look out for anyone who is infamous for annoyingly screaming about how open he is every single play, a habit preferably coupled with vigorous hand-waving action. That guy always gets plenty of looks, if only so he’ll shut the hell up. He may not be very good and he may drop the ball a lot, but drops don’t count against you in most leagues and he’s probably got a great end zone dance. The Mashed Potato is a lost art as far as we’re concerned and you’d better believe the FFF finds value in it as well. Pick these types up in the next round or two.

Once you’ve secured bandana and the banshee, you should be looking for a running back. Make sure you pick a guy who can

catch the ball, because running backs don’t really exist in flag football, so he’ll really just be catching slants and quick hitches; still, it’s a good idea to draft guys who hustle after the catch. Usually your smaller guys are better here because they’re shifty and it’s harder to reach down for their flags.

Last on your offensive lineup are the tight ends. Tight ends don’t exist in flag football, because, as mentioned before, everyone is really just a receiver. Don’t be fooled into taking someone that labels himself a tight end. It’s probably a euphemism or a horrible nickname.

Offense may get you more total production, but defense is an important facet of FFF as well. This time things are a little more diverse. Your best bet is the guy with inhumanly long arms that isn’t shy about accidently groping someone when reaching for a flag. Sometimes he takes a guys pants with him, but it’s worth it.

Another good pick-up is your typical ball-hawk interceptor type. He runs around whilst completely ignoring who he’s actually supposed to cover and just flies to the football. In realty, he allows a lot of big play when he blows coverage, a lot, but when it comes to numbers, his occasional interceptions give him some significant value. Pick him up in the later rounds.

The third major defensive player you can draft is the pass rusher. Recruiting for this position can get tricky in flag football, because pass rushing techniques are always a little awkward, as the pass rusher has to stand still for three seconds and count to himself before he is allowed to rush. As a result these players do not make a lot of tackles or sacks, but are vital to a team’s victory. Still, nobody wants a guy who is incredibly important to the success of a team, but doesn’t get numbers.

You now have all the knowledge you need for your next FFF draft. It may not look like much, but flag football isn’t a very complicated sport. In fact, it isn’t even a real sport. So, good luck and remember to shame your closest friends and mentally thank us when you beat them.

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ACKS

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Drafting Strategies

Austin Cope wrote this

Flag Football

Page 5: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

WELCOME BACK STUDENTS! COME IN AND TRY OUR “ALL STAR SPECIAL”

WAFFLE, EGGS, BACON, GRITS OR HASHBROWNS AND RECEIVE A FREE DRINK WITH YOUR SCHOOL ID!

facebook.com/WHClemson | 1064 Tiger Blvd

THE BEST GLASS AND

BODY PIERCINGS IN CLEMSON

Follow us on Instagram | fb.com/ClemsonTheEdge1393 Tiger Blvd. Suite #130 | (864) 653-4545

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER @BLACKSHEEP_CLEM

Halloween is a special celebration and here in Clemson, we ladies like to celebrate by adding unnecessary stress to our already-stressful lives in the form of excessive costumes. While every costume is different, the process of finalizing that costume is one in the same. Here, we reveal that process.

NO STRESS, NO STRESS, NO STRESS: The moment your mind first settles on Halloween in all its glory you still have about three page flips in your agenda until the actual date. Your pretty little mind doesn’t quite comprehend that Halloween is a weeklong bender that you’ll need to plan at least three different outfits for three different events with three different groups of people.

THE GROUP CHAT: Your annoyingly Type A friend will begin the group chat in which everyone will share her wildly impractical group costume ideas. Every single one will be turned

down for a variety of reasons: too expensive, too complicated, too unoriginal, so original that no one will understand it, etc. You’ll share about 149 texts, but don’t be fooled: you still have zero plans.

INTERNAL STRIFE: You come to notice that that girl you invited into your costume group chat out of the goodness of your hearts—who you really don’t even like that much anyway—hasn’t responded to your TY Beanie Baby costume idea, which obviously everyone adores. A little digging uncovers that the mutinous betch has joined another costume group; they’re being crayons. Whatever, Beanie Babies > crayons.

TRIMMING THE FAT: The group chat is dead. Out of the 10 girls who were just days ago so into your TY Beanie Babies idea, only 5 remain. It’s fine, though. A smaller group will be easier to Instagram. And crayons are stupid.

PANIC: You’ve been slaving over your classes and that sorority philanthropy event and the fraternity you know will make you sweetheart if you just bake them one more batch of bacon maple cupcakes when you suddenly realize that Halloweekend is a mere three days away. You have to make your TY Beanie Babies costume ASAP Rocky and a trip to the Anderson Michaels might as well be considered a daycation, considering the time it requires. You’re so screwed.

CONFIRM PANIC: You text the new group chat– crayons be damned– to see how the other girls are coming along with their costumes. They all share their totally legitimate excuse as to why they haven’t even begun to think of their costume construction. You’re all on the same page, at least. You plan a costume-making party for the following evening, and one of the girls promises to bring a bottle of wine to spice up

the process. Cease panic… for now.

THE “COSTUME-MAKING PARTY”: You show up 30 minutes late to the party only to discover that the first bottle of wine has already been destroyed, and your friends are well on their way to destruction themselves. No scissors, no construction paper, no costume-making. Just wine. Oh well, you needed a girls’ night anyway, and you have time to make the costume tomorrow. The day before. It’s totally cool.

IT’S NOT TOTALLY COOL: The crayons have already Instagrammed their costumes and they are immaculate. They’ll look even better when they’re on. And there’s glitter. You wonder if they even make glitter crayons. You vow to skip your classes and convince your costume pals to do the same. It’s for the Beanie Babies. Do it for the Beanie Babies.

THE INEVITABLE DISCOVERY: You aren’t crafty. Your friends aren’t crafty. Your Beanie Baby ear tags look like melted science projects. There’s no way you can wear them in public, especially considering the quality of the enemy crayon clan’s getups. Time for Plan B.

YOU’RE A CAT: You somehow knew it would come to this all along. You even managed to find

your cat ears 2 weeks ago in the black hole that is your costume box. You and your friends justify the laziness that is your decision with claims like “we’ll look so good in black” and “boys don’t even like girls with crazy costumes.” You promise that next year, you’ll do better.

Spoiler alert: you won’t.

The Evolution of Your Halloween Costume in 10 Simple StepsCourtney Paul wrote this

Page 6: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

06

In response to viral video footage of her drunken temper tantrum outside Tiger Town Tavern, Clemson junior Marney Winkler agreed to an interview to shed some light on her current condition.

“I want to share my story to raise awareness for the growing issue of free t-shirt addiction,” Winkler said, it’s a seriously a literally underrepresented problem that ’s spreading rapidly throughout the Clemson community.”

According to onlookers, Winkler was upset by the bar’s refusal to give her a free t-shirt, even though her twenty-first birthday had been that Sunday. Inebriated and enraged, Winkler ripped off her shirt in protest and ran into the street, waving it over her head. Onlookers barely had time to register that she was nude underneath the oversized men’s shirt before she sprinted down College Avenue to ransack Tiger Town Graphics.For Winkler, this was simply the latest episode in a downward spiral that has plagued her since her freshman year at Clemson University.

“I got one t-shirt and it was like, oh, this is pretty cool,” Winkler said, “but before I knew it I was addicted. I was doing anything to get shirts—if I didn’t get at least three new t-shirts every week, I would go crazy, planning, scheming, scavenging for shirts in the trash…”

Following the onset of the dreaded freshman fifteen, Winkler’s old high school clothes ceased to fit, but she saw no need to buy new clothes, instead coming to depend more and more on her growing stash of free shirts.

“Her closet was stuffed,” Anna Haynes, Winkler’s roommate of two years, recalls, “her dresser was overflowing. She had to use all the drawers in her desk and I would still find her shirts in my dresser all the time! I don’t even think she used a towel in the

shower, just a bunch of t-shirts tied together.”

Things reached an all-time low when Winkler and Haynes moved into an off-campus apartment together earlier this year. Unbound from the strict regulations and tiny floor plans of the on-campus dorms, Winkler’s t-shirt obsession grew to new heights.

Winkler no longer did any laundry, instead wearing dirty t-shirts as punishment for not filling her self-imposed free t-shirt quota.

“I went into her room one time and there was nothing but t-shirts,” Haynes recalled, “she slept in a nest of them—she had piles of them forming a little desk, some of the bigger ones turned into sacks to store the smaller ones.”

Winkler explained that Pinterest was the greatest fuel to her addiction, constantly giving her new ideas for what to do with her t-shirts. But as Winkler’s existence shrunk to skimming Pinterest for trendy new t-shirt

DIY projects and queuing outside of events promising free t-shirts for hours, she began to hate the person she had become.

“I mean, I even went to the Dwarf Fortress Gaming Club,” Winkler said, clearly horrified, “just because they had t-shirts. I hung out with fat, sweaty, nerdy guys eating pizza for three hours. I was kicked out of formals all the time because I couldn’t understand why a big t-shirt didn’t count as a dress. My life was t-shirts.”

Although some might see the naked footage of Winkler scattered across social media as a setback to her psychological recovery, Winkler says that it is just the inspiration she needs to change her ways.

“I’m giving this interview because I don’t want to be that person anymore,” Winkler said, “I’m making serious changes now, steps towards having a happier, more productive life. Of course, I still wear my free t-shirts, but I usually wear Norts underneath them now, and next month, I plan to try wearing yoga pants as well. It will be a difficult journey, but I believe in myself.”

Winkler reports that she will be starting her own club where others can share their stories. Each meeting promises free tank tops to help those affected break the cycle of addiction.

Hannah Soblo wrote this

REAL TALK

THE TOP TEN

Staff wrote this

TRUE LIFE: I’m Addicted to Free T-Shirts

“Before I knew it I was addicted. I was doing

anything to get shirts—I would go crazy, planning, scheming, scavenging for shirts in the trash…”

Everyone knows how lazy and privileged college students are, and how they’ll find anything to complain about. When they aren’t in one of their 15 hours of class during the week or in some resume-builder club, they’re likely to be spending the rest of the day taking hits off a bong that Daddy’s credit card bought. Maybe if some of these jobs were offered at Clemson, they would be more inclined to put their time at a $30,000 a year institution to good use:

10.) Netflix Binge Watcher: This job would be beneficial for more people than just college students because the students would binge watch all the shows and movies on Netflix, then write reviews for them. Next time you’re looking for a random movie and wondering if it’s any good, you’ll already know because some slob with a laptop already watched it for you.

9.) Liquor Tester: Because 90% of college students are alcoholics already, they might as well be professionals. Similar to binge watching Netflix, these students would be paid to try out every new type of alcohol that comes out, and determine whether or not it’s shitty by college standards, or just horrible in general.

8.) Yik Yak Campus Representative: This job would involve students attending popular social events and composing multiple Yaks. This would be a great resume builder, because students can claim they’ve had professional writing experience, and it’s quite possible this would qualify as journalism by today’s standards.

7.) Shack Shirt Designer: We’ve all seen it; the obvious walk of shame home the morning after a night out. So instead of giving away your favorite hoodie or t-shirt (which you will obviously never see again), why not design shirts to give to your conquests as a parting gift? “I slept with Jimmy!” would look great across her chest.

6.) Facebook Creep: College students have become so advanced with creeping on Facebook they could be employed as private investigators. New boyfriend? Just give the name to a certified creep, and they’ll be able to tell you his mother’s middle name, Social Security number, and most embarrassing moment from 7th grade in the matter of minutes.

5.) Drunk Food Critic: After a night out, students are faced with the toughest decision they will have to make in their pitiful existence: where to get drunk food. If other students reviewed popular restaurants, it would be so much easier to decide between Cook-Out and Todaro’s.

4.) Insincere Tour Guide: You know campus pretty well, and it annoys you how wrong campus tour guides get it. Prospective freshmen don’t need to know a building’s history, only exactly how long it takes to get there from their dorm.

3.) Drunk Fight Mediator: People are irrational when they’re angry and drunk, and can sometimes use outside help. This job is perfect for psychology students because they won’t get any work after graduation, so they should practice messing people’s lives up now.

2.) Seat Filler: This job serves no purpose other than to pay college students to sleep, which would be a dream come true for everyone. To make professors feel more confident, the university could pay students to fill in empty seats in giant lectures. Whoever was sitting there was going to pay just as less attention as you anyway!

1.) Professional Failure: Your parents most likely view you as a royal screw-up anyway, so being paid for it seems like the most reasonable compensation. In order to build up confidence in other students, the university can pay you to set the bar low in order to eliminate any self-doubt in their graduating class through pure comparison. You don’t have to get a job as long as you tell your classmates about it!

CAMPUS JOBS THAT SHOULD ACTUALLY EXIST

Page 7: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

07

Tweet us your #partypics, or send them to [email protected] PICS

What piece of media would benefit most from replacing one word with “ass,” and what does it turn into?

ON THE STREETS

AARON “The Wizard of Ass. It would make

it like the Brown Brick Road.”

SEAN “You know the Fall Out Boy song ‘My Songs

Know What You Did In the Dark’? Make it ‘My Songs Know What You Did In the Ass.’”

STUART “Breaking Ass. That’s it.”

Page 8: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

The Grid

Friends Cafe

SPECIALNIGHT

FRIDAY! $6 Liquor Pitchers (During Happy Hour Only)

$1.50 Mystery Beers, DJ Sha!

$9.50 Liquor Pitchers Monday - Saturday! $3 Well Drinks Every Day!

Every Night! $0.50 Wings$2 12oz Bud Light and Bud,

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Happy Hour 4pm-7pm Mon - Fri

$4 Jager, $3 Fireball $5 Jack Daniels, 1/2 Price Apps

THURS.$3.56 Sushi Rolls,

Wine Tasting at 9pm, $6 Bottles of Champagne

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.75 Backstreets Burgers or $8.75

Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected Beers, Happy Hour Mon-Fri:

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Trivia at 8pm!1st place gets $25 cash

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Trivia Starting at 8:30pm$2 Well Drinks, $0.50 Wings, $2 12oz Bud Light and Bud,

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$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft $4 Long Islands and Blue

MotorcyclesHappy Hour 4-7pm

FRIDAY$6 Liquor Pitchers

(During Happy Hour Only) $1.50 Mystery Beers, DJ Sha!

$2.50 Fireball ShotsHappy Hour Monday - Friday:

$4.75 PBR Pitchers, $9.50 Liquor Pitchers

$3 Well Drinks Every Day!Live Bands and DJs!

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and PBR, $7.50 Liquor Pitchers

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft $4 Long Islands and Blue

MotorcyclesHappy Hour 4-7pm

SATURDAY Join us for flatbread specials and college football!

$2.50 Fireball Shots$9.50 Liquor Pitchers

College Football on 20 HD TVs

Boozey Brunch at 12pm, $2.50 Mimosas and Bloody Mary’s

Disco Night!

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft, $4 Long Islands and Blue Motorcycles$13.99 All You Can Eat Wings

(excl. home games)

SUNDAY ClosedService Industry Night!

$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers & random specials

NFL Sunday Ticketon 20 HD TVs

Follow Us on Twitter!@The_Royal_Tiger

$0.50 Wings, $2 12oz Bud Light and Bud, $2 16oz Busch Light

and PBR, $7.50 Liquor Pitchers

Book your next party at Larry’s!

MONDAY All You Can Eat Sushi

Half price appetizers$8 for a Dozen Wings,

$1 PBR$9.50 Liquor Pitchers

Burger Mondays! $4.99 Burger & Fries

$1.50 PBR$0.50 Wings, $2 12oz Bud Light

and Bud ,$2 16oz Busch Light and PBR, $7.50 Liquor Pitchers

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft, $4 Long Islands and Blue Motorcycles$13.99 All You Can Eat Wings

During MNF

TUESDAY Follow us on Twitter!@CUHangover

$5.75 Large Pizza, $1 PBR$5 Bud Light Pitchers

Happy Hour Monday - Friday: $9.50 Liquor Pitchers

Taco Tuesday! $4.99 Taco Backets, $1 12oz Blue Moons

Players Night$0.50 Wings, $2 12oz Bud Light and Bud, $2 16oz Busch Light

and PBR, $7.50 Liquor Pitchers

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft $4 Long Islands and Blue

MotorcyclesHappy Hour 4-7pm

WED. Check us out on Instagram!@356Sushi

Yeungs and Wings! $5 Yeungling Pitchers, $1 PBR

$6.75 for a Dozen WingsHappy Hour Mon-Fri: $9.50 Liquor Pitchers

$9.99 Pizza, $0.60 wings, $0.50 12oz PBR

Karaoke Starting at 9pm1/2 Price Bottles of Wine

$0.50 Wings, $2 12oz Bud Light and Bud, $2 16oz Busch Light and

PBR, $7.50 Liquor Pitchers

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft $4 Long Islands and Blue

MotorcyclesHappy Hour 4-7pm

THURS.$3.56 Sushi Rolls,

Wine Tasting at 9pm, $6 Bottles of Champagne

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.75 Backstreets Burgers or $8.75

Specialty Burgers and Your Choice of Selected Beers,

Happy Hour Mon-Fri: $9.50 Liquor Pitchers

Trivia at 8pm!1st place gets $25 cash

and $25 gift card

Trivia Starting at 8:30pm$2 Well Drinks, $0.50 Wings,

$2 12oz Bud Light and Bud, $2 16oz Busch Light and PBR, $7.50

Liquor Pitchers

$1.50 12oz Budlight Draft $4 Long Islands and Blue

MotorcyclesHappy Hour 4-7pm

112 Station DriveAnderson, SC 29621

PlatosClosetAnderson.comGET 20% OFF ON MONDAYS WHEN

YOU SHOW YOUR STUDENT ID

Page 9: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

OVERTIME PALMETTO’SSmokehouse & Oyster Bar

The Grid

MONDAY - FRIDAY$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers

That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!

Tuesday & Saturday:LOW COUNTRY BOIL NIGHT! Get low with PSHOB’s famous

low country boil recipe.

FRIDAY!24 Wings and Pitcher

of Beer for $14.99

Wednesdays: Trivia @ 10pm!

TUESDAY$4 Burgers!

SPECIALNIGHT

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.75 Backstreets Burgers or $8.75 specialty burgers and

your choice of selected beers

Need a PARTY SPOT? Rent Palmetto’s EVENT Center Call 864-810-7339 ext 3 and get $50 off your next rental with the

keyword “Black Sheep”

Buy 6, Get 6 Wings After 4pm Go Tigers!

$6 House Liquor and Draft Beer Pitchers (4-8pm)

DJ Sha! THURS.

$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers Monday - Friday

That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!

NEW! 6 under $6 lunch menu served 11:30am-2pm M-F.

24 Wings and Pitcher of Beer for $14.99 Service, Service, Service $6 Chef’s Special FRIDAY

DJ All Night!Open 6:00 pm - 2:00 am

Show up early to miss the line at midnight!

Open 8am for our NEW BIG EASY BRUNCH! From 8am - 2pm

$10 Bottomless Mimosas Low Country Boil 5PM Follow us on Twitter!

$0.50 Wings All Day! Your Tigers Headquarters! College football on our 101 inch projector! SATURDAY

Service Industry Night!$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers

& random specials

Open 8am for our NEW BIG EASY BRUNCH! Try the best hangover cure:

Big-n-nasty biscuit, frittatas, wraps, omelettes, creamy grits, beignets, and waffles! Catch Bill’s NFL Action Here -

Go Sammy & CJ!

Follow us on Twitter! @TDsFoodAndDrink

Visit the Top of Tiger Town Tavern’s Private Club!

Follow us on Twitter to hear about daily specials!

@CUWingsSUNDAY

$8 for a dozen wings, 1/2 off appetizers

$5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers Monday - Friday

That equals 3 drinks for only $5.50!

Clemson’s best place to take a date! Try the “Haystack”, a totally sharable

mound of fries or fritos covered in deliciousness!

Oyster Fest & Shrimp Jam Every Monday Starting at 5!

All You Can Eat Wings! Stiffest drinks in town!Where the Big Tigers Play...

Check out our Instagram!@CUWinginIt MONDAY

$5.75 Large Pizzas, $5 Bud Light Pitchers and $5.50 Mini Liquor

Pitchers all night

LOW COUNTRY BOIL NIGHT! Get low with PSHOB’s famous low country boil recipe. Like us

on Facebook for weekly specials and competitions.

Karaoke With Fred Rock Bingo at 10pm! $4 Burgers TUESDAY

DJ Dance Night!Yeungs and Wings!

$5 Yeungling Pitchers, $6.75 for a Dozen Wings and $5.50 Mini

Liquor Pitchers

NEW! 6 under $6 lunch menu served 11:30am-2pm M-F.

Say “You saw it in The Black Sheep” and get a

FREE PSHOB Bumper sticker.

$1 Burger Night Trivia at 10pm! Buy 1/2 pounds of wings, get a 1/2 pound FREE! WED.

Burger and a Beer Night! $7.75 Backstreets Burgers or

$8.75 specialty burgers and your choice of selected beers

Need a PARTY SPOT? Rent Palmetto’s EVENT Center Call 864-810-7339 ext 3 and get $50 off your next rental with the

keyword “Black Sheep”

Buy 6, Get 6 Wings After 4pm

Stiffest drinks in town!Where the Big Tigers Play...

$6 House Liquor and Draft Beer Pitchers (4-8pm)

DJ Sha! THURS.

If you don’t start following us...YOU WON’T KNOW WHAT’S SO DAMN FUNNY.

@BLACKSHEEP_CLEMScan to go right to the page!

Page 10: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

WHAT KIND OF HALLOWEEN PARTY SHOULD YOU ATTEND?

Page 11: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

If you’re seeing your dorm covered in spider webs, with a multitude of carved pumpkins, and an occasional exorcism happening at your lo-cal Catholic church, then it must be Halloween. And because it’s Halloween it must mean there are sorority and fraternity parties or house par-ties that you’ll be attending. There will be some awesome parties full of orange Jell-O shots and slutty costumes, and then there will be those parties that have bobbing for apples and the Halloweentown series playing in the corner. Now, one party may sound better than the other. The Black Sheep is here to help you determine which kind of party you’re attending. Enjoy whatever party you choose. PS: We hope you win the costume contest.

Page 12: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

clemson’s best mexican food!

SPEND $10 get $2 off

buy 2 Terraburritos get $3 off

open late tuesday, thursday and friday!

1062 Tiger Blvd. • Clemson, SC • (864) 654-8006

Yellow Cab is your local, friendly, and dependable cab service!

OPEN 24/7 IN CLEMSON864.882.3454

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN?

KELLI of TIGER TOWN TAVERN

Kelli’s Answers Correct Answers

SCORE5 out of 10 1) World Geography: Mont Blanc is the

highest mountain in this mountain range.

2) Video Games: What handheld game device launched with Tetris and Super Mario Land?

3) Poetry: What poetic form is recognizable by its lack of consistent meter, pattern or rhyme?

4) Senses: What sense is primarily influenced by your olfactory nerve?

5) Chain Restaurants: Yum! Brands restaurants own and operate three national restaurant chains. Name two.

6) Religion: What is the Catholic prayer “Ave Maria” more commonly known as?

7) Fashion: In women’s fashion, what is the smallest dress size available?

8) US History: What was the 50th state admitted to the Union?

9) Drugs: What street drug shares similarities to, and is a derivative of morphine?

10) Cartoons: What long-running show will see crossovers with both Futurama and Family Guy in its upcoming season?

1) Alps 2) Game Boy 3) Free verse 4) Smell5) Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, KFC 6) Hail Mary 7) 0

8) Hawaii 9) Heroin 10) The Simpsons

1) Pfft 2) Pong 3) Haiku 4) Where do you get these questions? 5) Fale 6) Hail Mary 7) 0

8) Hawaii 9) Heroin 10) The Simpsons

Page 13: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014
Page 14: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

THE BACK PAGE

Can you find the 8 differences in this furry dining scene? Email us at [email protected]. If you're right, you'll win a prize!

Spot thedifference!

Page 15: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014

PUB AND GRILL

MMM... THAT IS A TASTY BURGER.

OVERTIME - PRIVATE CLUB

• WEDNESDAY DANCE NIGHTS •with DJ MeBoom & $5.50 Mini Liquor Pitchers

THURSDAYS100% BLACK ANGUS

BEEF BURGER + SELECT BEER FOR ONLY $7.75

SUNDAY: SERVICE INDUSTRY NIGHT

the WALK THROUGH CAMPUS madlib___1___ is so alive in the fall! Just walking around campus and smelling the ___2___s and leftover ___3___, seeing the freshme-n skanks with their ___4___s exposed groping the ___5___-year-old locals—god, they’re so cool—hearing the roar of the ___6___ bottles rolling into the gutter… I just love it all! As I walk past the bars, I just can’t help but feel a tingle in my ___7___ at the thought of finally downing a___8___ with a ___9___ and a ___10___ beer-back. Once I turn 21, everything will change. Sure, I could get a fake ID, but with this baby face, who’d believe it? Plus it’s so much better to wait, right? That’s pretty much my philosophy on everything, at least that’s what my mom wants me to do. Seeing all the lecture halls brimming with kids in front of their computers, reading up on ___11___, watching ___12___ do the Ice Bucket Challenge and seeing the hundreds of pictures of ___13___’s baby - who just turned three! - really gets me excited to hit up my remedial math class. I love creeping, er, watching over the shoulder of that cute ___14___ as she scrolls through page after page of Tumblr; I feel like I’m really getting to know her. Who needs math anyway? I’m an ___15___ after all!

Finally flopping down on my lofted bed in ___16___ after a long day of learning is the icing on the cake of a classic college day. Hitting up ___17___ with my ___18___-loving roommate is always a highlight, mostly because we get high (heh) off of his sick ___19___ and then light (heh) a doobie on the walk over there, and just go hard on some ___20___ and ___21___. Freshman 15, my butt! It’s really these simple days that make me appreciate how badass it is going to ___22___. So maybe I’ll spend another night watching ___23___ and hangin’ with my floor mates, but it’s all about the memories, man, all about the memories.

1) Your college town2) Type of flower

3) Late-night food4) Body part

5) 30-something age6) Type of liquor

7) Body part8) Strong mixed drink

9) Novelty shot10) Average beer

11) Latest hashtag trend12) Random old relative

13) Your (annoying)homecoming queen

14) Hair color15) Your major

16) Freshman dorm17) Campus cafeteria

18) 60s rock band19) Smoking apparatus

20) Savory food21) Type of cereal22) Your university

23) Terrible reality show

CLUE BANK

Page 16: Clemson - Issue 5 - 10/15/2014