Clergy and Faith-Based Leader Clergy and Faith-Based Leader Response to Domestic ViolenceResponse to Domestic Violence

North Dakota Department of Health

“Conference on Preventing and Responding to Injuries in ND”

Presenter – Desiree’ Uhrich

October 29, 2008

Types of AbuseTypes of Abuse

PhysicalEmotional/PsychologicalSexualFinancialSpiritual

Intimate ViolenceIntimate Violence

Battering or sexual assault by spouse or partner

Incest or sexual abuse of a child by family member or caretaker

Physical or emotional abuse or neglect of a child or children

Abuse or neglect of a vulnerable adult (age or physical disability)

Homicide by one family member of another or by a partner

TraumaTraumaNot everyone who experiences IV ends up with

harmful effects.Women who have been victims of child sexual

abuse demonstrate twice as much impairment as women who have not.

Women who have been raped are 9 times more likely than nonvictims to attempt suicide. Also higher risk for alcohol/drugs, eating disorders, anxiety disorders.

Women in battering relationships higher risk for suicide.

How prevalent is IV?How prevalent is IV?Women are more likely to be assaulted in

their homes by someone they love and trust than they are on the streets of most American cities.

Study by U.S. Dept of Justice – Child abuse and domestic violence account for 1/3 of the total cost of crime.

Men are more likely to be victims of violent crime in general, but women are more than 10 times more likely to be victimized by an intimate partner.

Overwhelming SILENCEOverwhelming SILENCE

We know about the statistics in our churches and communities, yet there is still silence.

Why? Because facing the realities of intimate violence and its traumatic consequences is much harder than staying blind to it.

What is asked of you?What is asked of you?

All the perpetrator asks is that you be a bystander and do nothing. This appeals to our desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. Very tempting. . . .

The victim asks you as the bystander to bear the burden of pain and demands action and engagement and remembering.

What have we done?What have we done?

As a culture and as a church, we have consistently sided with the perpetrator through our silence.

Victims of intimate violence have been silenced by our disbelief and discrediting.

One of the KEYS to recovery from trauma of IV is to remember and tell the story and to be believed.

Intimate Violence and the Intimate Violence and the Church’s ResponseChurch’s Response

Rated as both the least-used and least-helpful resource compared to friends, family, therapists, family doctors, social service agencies.

Victims who have reported their pastors helpful were from churches where social problems were addressed and a safe environment was created where women felt safe in coming forward with their stories.

Intimate Violence and the Intimate Violence and the Church’s ResponseChurch’s Response

Women who are committed to their religious traditions often turn to their pastor with family problems.

Women who have experienced IV are more likely to leave the church than nonabused women.

Why? They experienced revictimization through silencing. – Church’s betrayal is symbolic of God’s betrayal.

“Churches need to be known as a place where we hold perpetrators accountable and where we are on record as religious communities that abuse is not tolerated. When offenders are held accountable, we can be come a safe community to heal.” Marie Fortune

Spiritual AbuseSpiritual Abuse Ignoring religious traditions of victim or ridiculing

them. Preventing victim from participating in

religious/spiritual ceremonies/events or church. Justifying violence or domination based on

religious teaching. Misusing scripture to instill fear. Dictating how another should believe or perceive

God and their faith. Using shame or guilt to influence and control. Maligning God by conveying that another is not

deserving of God’s love, freedom, and grace.

What Do Victims Experience?What Do Victims Experience?

Silence Resignation Self-blame Confusion Terror/Fear Trauma Unexpressed anger Isolation

Physical injury Inward scars Deprivation in diet, basic

needs, clothing, medical and dental care

Physical ailments brought on by years of stress – fibromialgia, IBS, PTSD, headaches, anxiety, depression

Emotional Impact of AbuseEmotional Impact of Abuse

FearAngerHopelessnessInsecuritySadnessGuiltShame

EmbarrassmentVulnerabilityFeeling PowerlessLow self-esteemHyper vigilance

Spiritual Impact of AbuseSpiritual Impact of Abuse

Loss of hope Loss of faith Loss of trust Fear Vulnerability = Pain Silence that is filled

with the noise of anxiety and frightening images

Feeling unworthy Anger and hurt inhibit

forgiveness Guilt Question, “Why did

God allow this?” Despair and anxiety

make prayer difficult

Struggle for WholenessStruggle for Wholeness Hope Courage Confidence Abundance Ability to love God,

oneself, others, and all creation

Trust/Faith Dignity

Silence that fosters reflection and insight

Recognize possibility for new life

Security and acceptance

Safety Growth Compassion for

oneself Forgiveness of self

and others

QuotesQuotes

“Hope emerges among those who publicly articulate and process their grief over their suffering.” (Brueggemann)

“Trust is not just a psychological issue – it is in fact a faith issue, indeed the faith issue.” (Fox)

“I will not let it continue to make me feel bad about myself. I will not let it limit my ability to love and trust others in my life. I will not let my memory of the experience continue to victimize and control me.” (A survivor)

What Image(s) Come to What Image(s) Come to Mind?Mind?

What image comes to mind when you think about domestic violence?

What Image Comes To Mind?What Image Comes To Mind?

How do you view intimate How do you view intimate violence theologically?violence theologically?

Where is God in it all?

How do we read scripture/sacred text to help us look at domestic violence?

What are the characteristics of God, i.e. mercy, justice, etc. that motivate us to action?

What is helpful for survivors?

Spiritual Resources are of Spiritual Resources are of central importance to victimscentral importance to victims

Not uncommon for survivors to report that they prayed to survive battering or to live through a rape

Many have a deeply personal connection to the Divine and confidence in God’s faithfulness and presence

““I would sit outside my bedroom door reading I would sit outside my bedroom door reading the 23the 23rdrd Psalm over and over and wait for him to Psalm over and over and wait for him to

fall asleep.” – A survivorfall asleep.” – A survivor

Even though I walk through the darkest valley,

I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff – they comfort me.

2323rdrd Psalm Psalm

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup overflows.

2323rdrd Psalm Psalm

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long.

Important resourcesImportant resources

What resources do our faith traditions hold for us as we seek to become a community where accountability, prevention, and healing are possible in the context of domestic violence?

Theological ResourcesTheological Resources1. Nature of justice as understood in Scripture

Especially prophetic traditions

Justice is the core principle running throughout all of scripture

Essence of God is justice Carefully listen to those

who have not been heard

2. Consistent biblical mandate of hospitality

Especially to strangers Most vulnerable Community was called to

protect the widow, the sojourner, and the orphan

Scriptural PassagesScriptural Passages

Jesus sees those who are “invisible” to the rest of society.

He makes room and shows hospitality.

Who is “invisible” in our society now?

Luke 7:36-50 – The woman with the alabaster jar of ointment for Jesus' feet.

Mark 5:21-43 – The outcast woman who hemorrhaged for 12 years.

John 4:4-42 The woman at the well

The widows and the orphans in the books of the prophets.

Two Primary Images from Two Primary Images from Judeo-Christian TraditionJudeo-Christian Tradition

Exodus

God freed the Israelite nation from suffering and slavery. Expected Israel to care for those on the margins – poor, widows, orphans.

God proclaims liberation for those bound by the terrors of violence in their families.

ResurrectionNeed to hear about that power

which overcame Jesus’ total vulnerability and suffering.

Need to learn that they too have the possibility for a new life. Healing and wholeness are possible.

Honoring the BodyHonoring the Body

“For it was you who formed my inward parts; you who knit me together in my mother’s womb .” Psalm 139

Bodies are sacred Embodiment is central to

the Christian faith, i.e. church is the body of Christ

Wounded and abused bodies are persons made in God’s image.

Honoring the BodyHonoring the Body

Matthew’s Gospel affirms that when we minister to others we minister to him

Bodily vulnerability is something we all share.

View the world through Jesus’ body. His wounded but resurrected body brings into focus the bodies of all the wounded and abused in the world.

Honoring the BodyHonoring the Body

Goals for Domestic Violence Goals for Domestic Violence InterventionIntervention

SAFETY for the woman and childrenACCOUNTABILITY for the abuserRESTORATION of individuals and, IF

POSSIBLE, relationships

OR

MOURNING the loss of the relationships

What happens when the What happens when the victim comes to the pastor?victim comes to the pastor?

Marie Fortune warns, “You will not be able to believe her” if his public role includes governance of the church, SS teacher, generous steward, etc.

Your experience with that individual is real and true and PUBLIC.

The victim’s experience with the individual is real and true and PRIVATE.

With most of us, we go with our experience even when info conflicts with it.

3 Major Approaches for 3 Major Approaches for Caring for Victims of IVCaring for Victims of IV

1. Short-term crisis needs for women and children in midst of IV where focus must be on victim’s safety and perpetrator’s accountability

2. Caring for victims who seek pastoral care to recover from the trauma. May be well after the fact.

3. Prevention and resistance.

What should I say?What should I say?

What are some things you could say to a victim that would be helpful in you role as clergy person, or church

man or woman?

What should I say?What should I say?

I believe you and I’m sorry this is happening to you. No one deserves to be abused. I am afraid for your safety

and the safety of your children. Help is available. You are not alone, this happens to other

women. Here is a number you can call for advocacy and shelter. I’ll stay with you if you’d like to call now.

If addressing spiritual aspect – “God desires your safety and protection.” “You have a faith community that supports you.” (if it is true) “Would you like to pray together?” – Gauge the appropriateness of your comments here.

How Can Clergy/Faith-Based How Can Clergy/Faith-Based Leaders Effectively Practice Leaders Effectively Practice Intervention and Prevention?Intervention and Prevention?

Get as much training as possible – Go through volunteer training offered by local program.

Recognize the power of compassionate presence - Henri Nouwen calls it “compassionate solidarity.”

Give public voice to the issue of domestic violence. Encourage the faith community to be a safe place for victims to come for help. Utilize sermons, newsletters, bulletins, meetings, etc. to raise awareness.

Images of Hope – Women are Images of Hope – Women are Sacred – People are SacredSacred – People are Sacred

DespairDespair Hope Hope

New Life and HopeNew Life and Hope

“The Resurrection” by

Joseph Cusimano