CM107UNIT 7 SEMINAR

Instructor: Terry Fletcher

What’s Next?

After drafting, REVISION But before you revise, it’s good to

put your draft aside for a few days. It’s also good to get feedback from

as many people as possible, including friends, family members or co-workers, as well as your classmates

You will give and receive PEER-REVIEW feedback this week in the DB

WHAT IS PEER REVIEW?

WHAT IS IT?

HAVE YOU HAD ANY EXPERIENCE WITH PEER REVIEW?

WHAT WAS GOOD ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?

WHAT WAS NOT SO GOOD ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE?

WHAT IS PEER REVIEW?

Peer-review is a process by which someone other than the writer reads a draft and offers helpful constructive advice on issues that the writer needs to work on.

IMPORTANT! You don’t need to be a writing expert to do this. You just need to respond honestly and helpfully.

IT IS NOT GRADING.

It helps to read the paper and to imagine that you are the AUDIENCE. Think about how you would react if you were someone with the PROBLEM the writer is dealing with.

Think about what is helpful in the paper, along with what information you might still need from this writer, in order

for the paper to truly accomplish its goal.

Why Have Student Peer Reviews?

Why Have Student Peer Reviews?

Students can greatly benefit from reviewing other work and identifying their own strengths and weaknesses through that review of other work.

Peer reviews offer students the benefit of seeing how their work affects a variety of readers.

Peer reviews let students learn collaboratively. Peer review is a mutually beneficial process.

WHAT ARE EFFECTIVE PEER REVIEW COMMENTS?

.

“I liked it.”

“It was really good.”

“I didn’t like your thesis.”

Does this feedback help you fix your writing?

Probably not.

It is not specific enough.

EFFECTIVE PEER REVIEW COMMENTS

Address the paper and NOT the author! It is not personal.

Comments are specific. Don’t just say “add more” or “clarify.” Instead, indicate what specifically what you think would make the draft better and HOW the writer might do that.

Offer specific advice for improvement, but do not write for your classmate.

Comments are honest. It may seem difficult to tell a writer that he or she needs to work on an issue, but EVERY draft could use improvement. If you can offer help and show ONE or TWO things that the writer can work on, you will help the writer very much.

Focus on a few issues.

Do not identify grammar and punctuation issues. The writer is still focusing on thesis, development, research, and organization.

EFFECTIVE PEER REVIEW COMMENTS

Example: “The introduction could fully describe the topic of working with the public in a way all readers can understand, which is necessary if the paper is going to fully inspire the intended audience to overcome this problem . Maybe the introduction could use an example from a source that shows someone unsuccessfully dealing with the public, or use an expansion of the definition of public work in your first two sentences (which is underlined in the paper).”

Does this focus on the paper rather than the author?Does this comment point out a specific spot for improvement?Does this comment tells the author why the change is needed?Does this comment provide suggestions for improvement?

Specific, Directive Comments

In the following pairs, determine which of the two choices is the most effective comment:

a. “Your thesis statement is unclear. Fix it or you will get a bad grade!”

b. “I am having trouble understanding the thesis statement. The thesis needs to be clear so that the reader is sure of the point made about the topic in the rest of the paper. Could the thesis statement state specifically the way to overcome the problem of unhealthy school lunches?”

EFFECTIVE PEER REVIEW COMMENTS

In the following pairs, determine which of the two choices is the most effective comment:

a. “Your paper is hard to follow. You are disorganized!”

b. "This section discusses both the study environment and experimental methods, but the two are mixed together, making it difficult to focus on the main points. Could you separate each main point into its own paragraph?”

EFFECTIVE PEER REVIEW COMMENTS

In the following pairs, determine which of the two choices is the most effective comment:

a. “Find relevant references. Your sources are too general.”

b. “The background and references given in paragraph 2 don't seem directly relevant to the thesis. The readers will need references that give facts on the dangers of selling door to door specifically rather than references that explain the extensive history of sales in general.”

EFFECTIVE PEER REVIEW COMMENTS

EFFECTIVE PEER REVIEW COMMENTS

The most effective peer review comments include

1. a specific statement of where an improvement needs to be made

2. why it should be changed and 3. one-two suggestions for the writer in fixing the weakness!

PRACTICE

Read the following student essay draft. Take notes as you do of things you think are EFFECTIVE and things you think need work.

Then we will talk about the paper as a group.

Peer-Review

Begin by telling the author what you think is effective here.

Then, focus on 2-3 issues the writer could focus on in revision to make it stronger:

Does, for example, the writer have a clear audience and purpose?

Does the writer address effects?

Does the writer show WHY a person with this problem should want to change?

Does the writer demonstrate that the recommendation/solution will in fact work?

SAMPLE PAPER, page 1

Obesity is a growing problem in America and according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention more than one-third of adults and one sixth of children in America are obese and it increases every year (Obesity in America, 2011). Obesity starts with childhood, learning the difference between what’s healthy and what’s not is very important for children. Teaching kids at an early age that what you put in your body is important and making sure that kids can feel good about making the right choices about food. It is becoming more and more normal to go through the drive through and pick up a quick dinner it is very convenient. This shows children that it’s ok to do so and they will continue this behavior as they get older. Parents have to stop taking the easy way out and start teaching their children how to eat healthy. There are lots of programs that will help you teach one's children and one's self how to eat healthy.

There are a lot of schools in America that now have a healthier menu due to the ongoing problem of obesity. Getting kids on the right track will show them that as they get older it’s very important to keep one's body healthy and fit.

Sample paper, page 2

Furthermore there are a lot of reasons why people feel the need to overeat. Some people feel lonely, stressed, depressed; boredom or they eat because it creates a comfort for them. There are many other reasons why people overeat and once one determine the cause of one's overeating then it’s safe to set a plan in action with a life coach or a professional to get back on the right track of getting healthy.

Next finding a nutritionist or a dietitian is a great way to take control of one' body. They will make a custom diet or eating plan to fit any lifestyle. A nutritionist or dietitian will get someone on an eating plan that will work for one's body the best and they will assist in showing how to prepare and work it into an everyday life and schedule. Not only will they do all that but they will guiding along the way and continue to inspire to make this a daily habit (Dietitians and Nutritionists 2011).

SAMPLE PAPER, page 3

In addition there are many state wide programs that are specifically for obesity, as well as professionals that can help along the way, talking with a life coach or a nutritionist could help in making a plan to change overeating eating into healthy eating. Obesity can cause serious life time diseases and illnesses. Type 2 diabetes is commonly diagnosed because of being overweight or obese. Heart disease is a leading factor in a person that is obese and heart disease can lead to heart attack, congestive heart failure, sudden cardiac death, angina, and abnormal heart rhythm (Obesity-Related Diseases, 2012).

Obesity can be a result of many different issues including an energy imbalance, eating too many calories and not getting enough physical activity (Overweight and Obesity, 2011). Making sure that the correct amount of physical activity is very important in keeping a healthy body, exercise can put anyone in a better mood and even help with sleeping better. Exercise is also known to keep your mind healthy warding off depression and increasing your self-esteem. Your body needs to burn off the calories that it intakes each day. A lot of people do not do enough activity throughout the day to burn off the calories they eat and this will lead to obesity (Why Is Exercise Important for the Human Body, 2011).

Sample paper, page 4

In Conclusion the Goal is to stop the increase of obesity and start living a healthier lifestyle. Making better choices that will allow us to live healthier and feel better about ourselves, inspiring others as we go. Making sure everyone understands just how important it is to take care of your body from an early age. Allowing the world to see just how serious obesity is will hopefully get people moving in the right direction to take action. Motivation is a key element to getting the message across about how serious obesity really is. The more we can work together and help each other with this ongoing issue, the better off the world will be. Getting control of obesity before it gets control of us will benefit not only yourself but your future and your influence on others. We can show other people that it’s easy and fun to be healthy and stay fit while eating right.

Sample paper, page 5

References

Dietitians and Nutritionists (2011) retrieved from

http://www.bls.gov/oco/ocos077.htm

Rose, (2011) Obesity in America - retrieved from

http://www.downtoearth.org/health/nutrition/obesity-america

Obesity-Related Diseases (2012) retrieved from

http://www.obesityinamerica.org/understandingObesity/diseases.cfm

Overweight and Obesity (2011) retrieved from

http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/causes/index.html

Branch, (2011) Why Is Exercise Important for the Human Body - retrieved from

http://www.livestrong.com/article/472657-why-is-exercise-important-for-the-human-body/

 

Peer-Review

Begin by telling the author what you think is effective here.

Then, focus on 2-3 issues the writer could focus on in revision to make it stronger:

Does, for example, the writer have a clear audience and purpose?

Does the writer address effects?

Does the writer show WHY a person with this problem should want to change?

Does the writer demonstrate that the recommendation/solution will in fact work?

Peer-Review

What are SOME WAYS the writer could make these areas stronger? What would you need to see if you were the audience?

How would you say this to the writer, but without sounding too harsh or without hurting the writer’s feelings? How can this advice be presented in a constructive helpful way?

POST Peer-Review

What do you do with a peer-review that you receive on your paper?

Should you “listen” and incorporate all advice?

What if two people offer different or conflicting advice?

Questions?

Remember that your Grammar post-test is coming up in unit 8. Be sure that you review the Writing Center material on the issues covered in the test.

Do you have questions about your draft?

We are out of time!Have a great evening and week!