coaching for personal empowerment
TRANSCRIPT
Personal Leadership and EmpowermentLeadership│Empowerment │ Awareness │ Drive
Coaching to change behaviour and create personal empowerment and transformation Debbie Craig, MD: Catalyst Consulting and World Alive
• Can you change someone? • Why sustainable change is so hard • What are the barriers and motivators for change • The 7 aspects of self that impact our ability to change • The personal transformation cycle • The personal transformation pyramid • Coaching tools for change• Guidelines for sustainable change
Can people change?
autocratic (my way or the highway)
egotistical (I know best)
procrastination (tomorrow is another day)
poor time and priority management (I haven’t had
time)
workaholic (just one more e.mail)
healthy lifestyle (I’ll start next month/year)
lack of empathy (who cares?)
lack of awareness (what did I do?)
defensiveness (it wasn’t me)
Awareness
Insight
Willingness
Action
Changing behavior to change results
Only if you change your approach, can you change your results
Barriers and Motivators for change
• Fear of failure
• Fear of loss of credibility/image
• Fear of uncertainty
• Fear of not coping
• Fear of incompetence
• Fear of losing what you have
• Fear of being found out
Fears• Denial
• Excuses
• Avoiding feedback
• Ego
• Procrastination
• Aggression
• Avoidance/withdrawal
• Blame/criticism
Coping mechanisms
Power – wealth, success, prestige, power, freedom, personal power Achievement – tick list, contribution, purpose, recognition, self-actualisation Affiliation – acceptance, belonging, love, health
MotivatorsWhat’s
the pay-off?
7 Dynamics if you ask people to do something different
• People will feel awkward, ill-at-ease and self conscious
• People will think first about what they must give up
• People will feel alone even if everyone is going through the change
• People can handle only so much change
• People are at different levels of readiness for change
• People will be concerned that they don’t have enough resources
• If you take the pressure off people will revert back to old behaviour
Real change can be perceived as painful
Active
EmotionalResponse
PassiveTime
Receive ShockUnexpected
news
DepressionDisbelief
AngerWishing to change
the past
Acceptance
Hope
PositiveActivity
Understanding the language of the mind & the power of the subconscious
External Event
2 million bits/sec
134 bits/sec
FILTERS/PROGRAMMES
DeleteDistort
Generalize
ParadigmsLanguage
MemoriesDecisions
ValuesBeliefsAttitudes
Your interpretation of events
Your interpretation of the world
Your PARADIGM
Programs• 0-4 years old - 50% of our thinking is stamped in our brain• 4-8 years old - 30% “ “• 8-18 years old - 15% “ “
95% of programs is stamped in our heads
What actually happens
Feel “good” Event ?
Feel “bad”
Body reacts
Mind reactsWe
react
SURVIVINGCYCLE
When the conscious and sub-conscious work together, the outcome becomes a reality
RationalLogical
Thinker/analyzerWords & numbersWillpower (effort)
Get’s bored and tired easily
ConsciousThe power to think
EmotionalConceptual
Creator/imaginatorPictures & symbols
Personal power (effortless)Limitless energy
All memoryAll Beliefs/instincts/habits
Runs the body
Sub-ConsciousThe power to do
Conscious/Subconscious
Core Wounds
• We all have 5 primary wounds that stimulate intense emotional responses based on the fear and pain of it happening again
FEAR
Rejection
Abandonment
Humiliation
Betrayal
Injustice
Birth
Primary school
Finish school
First Job
Marriage / Family
Leadership\Career moves
ChildhoodUniversity
Appointed to Manager
Student days…
What actually happens
Feel “good” Event ? SURVIVING
CYCLE
How do we break the cycle?
Feel “good” Event Interpre
-tation
Option APerception of threat
Fight or flightAdrenaline
Subconscious reaction
NO CHOICE
Option BPerception of no threat
Reflect , analyse, choose before act
Conscious responseCHOICES
?VICTIM
VICTOR
Processing emotions
• What is the emotion trying to tell me?• Is it a boundary issue?• Is it an expectation issue?• Is it a difference in opinion, belief, value, approach, intent?• Is it affecting my self-esteem/self-image?• Is it an assumption or an incorrect belief – about myself/another?• WHAT HAS TO CHANGE?
e-motion = energy in motion
It is not what happens to us that
defines us ...
but how we choose to respond to what
happens
Changing behaviour requires deeper understanding
Physical
Behaviour
Thoughts and feelings
Experience
Talents
Personality
Values & beliefs
Results
Behaviour
Feelings
Thoughts
Beliefs
Decisions
Interpretation
Experiences
Feelings Perceptions
Prejudices
Anxieties
Assumptions
Attitudes
Mindset
Thinking styles
Beliefs
Changing behaviour – coaching tool
Physical
Behaviour
Thoughts and feelings
Experience
Talents
Personality
Values & beliefs
Results
Behaviour
Feelings
Thoughts
Beliefs
Decisions
Interpretation
Experiences
What result would you like to change?
What is the specific behaviour that is leading to those results?
What feelings might be leading to those behaviours?
What thoughts might be leading to those feelings?
What beliefs might be leading to those thoughts?
What decision did you make about yourself, others or the situation that might be leading to those beliefs?
What assumptions did you make about current or previous experiences that led to such decisions?
What assumptions, beliefs, decision could be more useful to achieve the results you want?
What thoughts, feelings, behaviours would this results in? How would this impact on your results in future?
What we attend to and intend to become reality
Power of the Spirit (SQ)
Purpose, Vision, Values and goals
Aligning body, emotions, mind, spirit
Intuition and inspiration
Power of the Emotions (EQ)
E-motion=energy in motionLetting go baggage
Emotional intelligenceWorking with the Inner child
Power of the Mind (IQ)
Power of subconscious, thoughts and words
Victim to victorPower of ChoiceAchieving goals
PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT
Power of the Physical (PQ)
Purpose of the bodyBody messages
Harnessing energyHealth and balance
- 23 -(c) World Alive 2010
AwareConscious response
UnawareUnconscious
response
Choices No Choice
Optimised Limited
Experiences
VICTOR VICTIM
Results
Behaviour
Feelings
Thoughts
Beliefs
Decisions
Interpretation
TOVictor
CourageCollaboration
(win-win)Action
Self-confidenceCommittedEffective
ResponsivePurposeful
FROMVictimFear
Competition (win-lose)Procrastination
Low self-esteemUncommitted
IneffectiveReactive
Lack of clarity/direction
Shift happens …