colchester 101

32
Colchester’s Access All Areas Fanzine Free Issue 1 November 2010 The Real John Cooper Clarke by Martin Newell A View from the Funny Farm Sven Wombwell’s Tales From the Telly Hop Aboard the Scent Train Colchester United’s Kem Izzet writes for 101 Local Food Guide Please take one

Upload: simon-colchester

Post on 14-Mar-2016

228 views

Category:

Documents


0 download

DESCRIPTION

Colchester 101 is a Colchester fanzine written by LOCAL people, for LOCAL people, about LOCAL people, LOCAL issues and LOCAL events, and some other pretty cool stuff thrown in too!!

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: Colchester 101

Colchester’s Access All Areas Fanzine

Free

Issue 1 November 2010

The RealJohn Cooper Clarkeby Martin Newell

A View from the Funny FarmSven Wombwell’sTales From the Telly

Hop Aboard the Scent TrainColchester United’sKem Izzet writesfor 101

Local FoodGuide

Pleasetake one

Page 2: Colchester 101

Stoke by Nayland Hotel, Golf & SpaKeepers Lane, Leavenheath, Colchester CO6 4PZwww.stokebynayland.com

Celebrate Christmasand New Year in Style

at Stoke by Nayland Hotel, Golf & Spaand bring your party to our party!

Come and soak up the festive atmosphere with your friends and colleaguesat one of our fabulous Christmas Party Nights...

Tickets from just £29.95 per personfor welcome drinks, delicious 3 course dinner and dancing

Limited places still available on some dates

…and join us for the most popular event of the year at Stoke by Nayland…

- our sumptuous New Year’s Eve Gala Ballwhere you can enjoy champagne, canapés, a delicious 5 course dinner,and dancing to the fantastic Soul Kitchen, the “Ultimate Party Band”!

Tickets £90 and £75 (£10 discount for members)

We also offer a great family Boxing Day Brunch from just £14.95 pp!Download our online Christmas/New Year brochure at www.stokebynayland.com

Make a night of it…Special Party Accommodation Rates from just £29* per person, to include breakfast and free use of our

fantastic poolside facilities! * based on 2 sharing a twin/double room

For bookings and information please call our Sales Team on 01206 265818/837

Page 3: Colchester 101

03

Colchester 101 is by local people, for local people,about local people, local issues and local events,and some other pretty cool stuff thrown in too!

In this first edition local singer, poet and authorMartin Newell explores the world of his good friend,the Essex based punk poet John Cooper Clarke.John, who has opened for such bands as the SexPistols, The Fall, Joy Division, Buzzcocks, Siouxsieand the Banshees, Elvis Costello, and New Orderalso posed with Martin for an exclusive photo shootfor Colchester 101 with local photographer AdrianMulton. The results are absolutely stunning, andAdrian also gives readers a few tips to improve theirown photographs in his regular column.

We also explore the world of Colchester’s celebritytelevision gardener Sven Wombwell, hear whatColchester United’s Kem Izzet has to say about thelatest events on the pitch at the Weston HomesCommunity Stadium, take a trip to the Funny Farmwith Hazel Humphreys as well as a look at the localmusic scene with Craig Fookes, and learn how tosmell good when we get there with Bid TV and PriceDrop TV’s Peter Sherlock. As if all that isn’t enoughAndrew Ross tells you what you need to be doingwith your garden this month while Melissa Porter’sfood section is on hand once you’ve worked upan appetite. And much, much more.

See you next month

Simon CrowEditor

Welcome to the launchedition of Colchester 101

Colchester 101is published byTonic Creative SolutionsThe StudioTye RoadColchesterEssex CO7 7BN

Tel: 01206 544700Email: [email protected]: Simon Crow and Paul ClarkDesigner: Paul Clark

Very special thanks to Roddy Ashworth

Thanks to our contributors:Adrian MultonMelissa PorterAndrew DellMartin NewellPeter SherlockKem Izzet and Colchester UnitedSven WombwellEd TabardChristopher MancipleCraig Fookes

Front cover image byAdrian Multon www.adrianmulton.co.uk

All rights reserved.Reproduction in part or whole withoutpublisher’s written consent is prohibited.Whilst every care is taken to ensure theaccuracy of all details and information thepublishers are not liable for errors andomissions to any features, listings oradvertisements. Any views expressed arenot necessarily those of the publishersTonic Creative Solutions.

www.Colchester101.co.uk

olchester is a beautiful, ancient town, theonce Roman capital of Britain and hometo some of our nation’s earliest recordedhistory. Our bustling town centre boasts

the remains of much of the Roman wall that oncesurrounded it, a Norman castle constructed on theremains of the Temple of Claudius and built usingmany bricks and tiles from the ruins of the Romantown.

In the summer of 1648 Colchester found itself in thethickest of the unrest during the English Civil War,and the Siege of Colchester is believed to have beenthe inspiration for the nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpy,a loyalist canon which was placed upon, and fell off,St Mary’s Church which is now home to the Arts

Centre. In modern times our town boasts some of thebest shopping in the area, restaurants and barsgalore to cater for all tastes, a vast range of sportand leisure facilities at Leisure World and theamazing new Weston Homes Community Stadiumwhich is the envy of many a league football club.

However, what has been missing has been amagazine to celebrate and promote the best ofour town. Well here it is.

C

You can findColchester 101on Facebook

Page 4: Colchester 101

ITV2’s The Only Way is Essex is the new‘reality’ show that everyone is talking about.Well at least here in Essex.

In case you haven’t seen the programme itfeatures a group of twenty-somethings fromEssex, complete of course with whitened teeth,fake boobs, orange skin, expensive watchesand flash cars. The girls all talk like ChantelleHoughton and the boys naturally, being Essexboys, have the gift of the gab. So apart fromdrawing on some tried and tested Essex stereo-types this all seems pretty harmless enough.

Or is it? In some quarters of Essex, andColchester, the howls of protest can be heardloud and clear. “This is not the ‘real’ Essex!”and “It’s taken years to shake off the image ofwhite stilettos and XR3s… and now this!” arejust some of the reactions evoked by this show.

But why? It’s only television; just a show

contrived to entertain… but according to some,at the expense of the whole county of Essex.

I have lived in Colchester for pretty much mostof my life. I like it here - if I didn’t I would havebeen off out into the wide blue yonder yearsago. Sure, we have people like the stars of TheOnly Way is Essex, but they don’t represent usall. And they seem harmless enough in theirlittle world that appears mainly to revolvearound Brentwood’s Sugar Hut venue. They area just small minority amongst our very diversepopulation that includes people from all culturesand religions.

I have Essex in my own blood: my father’s familycomes from Chelmsford, but my maternal familycan still be found spread across Liverpool and ifthey could endure the terrible stereotypes createdby Carla Lane in her ropey 1980s sitcom Bread,we, I’m sure, shall walk away from The OnlyWay is Essex totally unscathed!

Yes it’s true that many times over the years Ihave been the butt of the hackneyed jokeswhen meeting new people, perhaps on holidayor doing business out of the county: “Essex boyhuh? Got your white socks on?” “Drive an XR3do you?”

But so what?

I’m proud of where I come from and it wouldbe a pretty sad world if I wasn’t able to shrugoff those so-called jokes, or even laughalong with them.

So let’s celebrate The Only Way is Essexbecause at least the rest of the country istaking notice of us. And ultimately, that’sno bad thing.

ITV2,Wednesday andSunday at 10pm

I Wasn’t Born in Essex...but I Got Here as Fast as I Could

For those of you who haven’ttried it, or heaven forbid aren’ton Facebook, Places is a newfeature they have been rollingaround across the globe. Simplyput, you go somewhere, hit thePlaces button on your mobiledevice’s Facebook application,select your location from the listthat appears, then ‘check in’.You can also ‘tag’ any of yourFacebook contacts who are withyou (or aren’t!) or even set up anew place if your location does-n’t appear on the list. You canthen add your own commentsand of course your friends, whowill have seen your check in onyour wall, can leave theirs.

I tend to check in whenever I goto the pub or a restaurant, andI’ve also have developed a habitof checking in to every Tesco orTesco Express that I visit… whichdoes seem to be rather too oftenfor my liking. It amuses me, and itseems to amuse a few of myFacebook contacts too judgingby their comments.

However, last week, whilstwaiting for two hours in MadameTussaud’s infamous queue Ichecked into various locationsthat my Places list offered meduring the long wait, including acouple of embassies. This led toa friend excitedly Inboxing me toask if my girlfriend and I wereplanning a wedding in the WestIndies after having seen uschecked into the Maldivesembassy and assuming we hadgone there to get our visas! Andonly last weekend we visited arestaurant in town, checked intoPlaces and saw another couplehad also checked in, thenspotted them sitting a couple oftables away. After severalminutes of excited debate wedecided not to freak them outby going over and saying“Hi Matt and Danielle”.

Maybe we’ll save that particularkind of treat for another time!

Going Places?Is it just me or is anyone else getting akick out of Facebook Places?

You can findColchester 101on Facebook

04

Alexander TilingProfessional Wall and Floor Tiling

Mobile: 07563 442 148

Changing the face of training

SPECIALISTTRAININGCOURSES

Professionally trained by STC

••

Natural Stone ••••

Page 5: Colchester 101

Town has Some Catching up to do

“I’ve known Matt a few years through mutualfriends, in fact he was only at the club last weekto catch up with family and friends and poppedin for a couple of drinks,” explains EscapeManager Damien Stone. “Whether you love orloathe it, The X Factor takes ordinary peopleand puts them on a superstar platform and itcouldn’t have happened to a nicer and moreappreciative guy than Matt.”

Painter and decorator Matt, from Little

Maplestead, has been one of the favourites towin ITV’s Saturday night hit show, though bythe time you read this he may already be outbecause, as The X Factor fans know, one subpar performance, or badly chosen song, can bethe end of a contestant’s time on the show andtheir dreams of the big time.

Let’s all keep our fingers crossed that Matt, andhis trademark hat, are still gracing our screensright up until the final.

Recent visitors to Colchester nightclub Escape will nothave failed to notice the 20ft long banner outside askingyou to vote for The X Factor contestant Matt Cardle.

The EsseX Factor

When I met my girlfriend I could never resist the urge to remind her what a grey 1960’stown planner’s nightmare her hometown of Chelmsford has always been.

Killing MachineAbout a month ago I was heading towards town onClingoe Hill one Friday evening when I was caughtup in traffic approaching the Greenstead roundabout.There were ambulances and police and, as I finallyneared the crossing just before the junction, I sawsomeone on a stretcher. It was clear they had beenhit by a car. I never did hear any more about it, sohave no idea what became of the poor person.

However, exactly two weeks to the day later I wasagain in a car approaching the Greenstead round-about on Clingoe Hill, this time as a passenger,and we stopped at the crossing to allow twoteenage girls to cross. Unfortunately the samecouldn’t be said for the driver of a 4x4 who was toobusy chatting on his mobile phone. He wentstraight over the crossing, missing the girls by nomore than a foot, and only braked when he spottedthe roundabout.

The girls stood in shock, horrified at having been asecond from death or serious injury, while the driv-er simply sat there, obviously relieved he hadn’tcaused an accident on the roundabout. He hadclearly been oblivious to the two girls he had justnearly mown down.

We have a law banning the use of mobile phoneswhile driving, but you still see people flouting it onColchester’s roads on a daily basis. Why is this stillhappening several years after that law was broughtinto effect?

Colchester High Street Chelmsford High Street

Where once we were the proud guardians ofa beautiful red chipped boulevard that sweptthrough the centre of our historic town wenow have a congested and polluted single fileprocession of cars, taxis, and buses belchingout their fumes ready to be breathed in bypassers-by.

How could this have happened? Well that’s amatter for debate, but that particular debatetook place years ago. It is now time for a newdebate, one about about how we can get itright in Colchester, undo the damage that hasbeen been done and create a town centre tomake us the envy and pride of Essex, not apoor relation to our neighbours down the A12.I’m sorry, but as good as it looks, giving RedLion precinct a facelift just doesn’t cut it inthe grand scheme of things. It’s time toreclaim our High Street from the buses andtaxis and make it once again into somewhereto be proud of. Somewhere you, and themany tourists who visit our town, can enjoycoming to

Now, don’t even start me off about towncentre parking (well maybe next month...)

I have to now, very grudgingly, confess thatafter having spent many weekends there I’vebeen surprised at just how far my belovedColchester’s town centre has begun to slipbehind our Essex rivals. I think it’s most notice-able when you go shopping in the town centre.Chelmsford High Street has long since beenpedestrianised to create a very open andrelaxing shopping environment where, onmany a Saturday, you will find bands perform-ing, charity events, market stalls and streetperformers vying for your attention. There arealso not one, but two indoor shoppingprecincts, the more recently opened

Meadowlands, and High Chelmer which in itsprevious existence was a drab and dreary out-door shopping area… until they put the roofon, then some years later added doors toclose it off at night and gave it a makeover. Itthen began to attract the likes of JJB, Republicand many fashion outlets amongst its numer-ous retailers.

Buses Belching Out Their FumesSo what went wrong in Colchester? A decadeor so ago the heart of our town centre wasripped out when our once beautiful High Streetwas replaced with black tarmac and cobbles.

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

05

Page 6: Colchester 101

Hello from everyone at Colchester Unitedand let’s hope that we see a lot of you hereat the Weston Homes Community Stadium.

We’ve had a solid start to the season and weare determined to do well to continue that asthe season progresses. We have seen an endto our unbeaten start to the season though andat the end of the game against Huddersfieldrecently, I couldn’t argue that they were thebetter team on the day.

They couldn’t say that for the first twentyminutes of the game, as we got on the frontfoot and got in some decent positions in andaround their penalty area. What we couldn’t dothough, was convert that into goals and whenHuddersfield did get back into the game, theywere clinical and deserved their half time lead.

We tried to get back into it in the second halfbut found ourselves well beaten in the end. Itwas disappointing to lose that unbeaten recordbut we were determined to start another rungoing. I think I can speak for all the players

when I say we wanted to put things right assoon as possible and it was a shame that wedidn’t have a game on the Tuesday.

We had to wait until the next weekend then andwe knew that we had to be at the races fromthe first whistle to get anything from Oldham.The sun might have been shining up there butit’s never warm and to be honest, nothing that

happened in the first half to warm the supportersof either team.

It livened up after the break, with some end toend football, and both sides had chances toscore the vital goal. We came under a bit ofpressure at one stage but we stayed strongdefensively and came away with anothervaluable point.

Two wins on the bounce against Bournemouthand Leyton Orient have now put us firmly in thedriving seat. So, we have completed a quarterof the league season and are handily nowoccupying third place in League One.

To those of you who do venture here to cheerus on, your support is appreciated and tothose who haven’t yet, come along and seeus in action.

Kem Izzet

Here’s to afew wins inthe comingweeks.

Views from the U’s

Page 7: Colchester 101

07

UNITED FCCOLCHESTER

Comedy ClubOur longest running events, theComedy Clubs run on a month-ly basis on the first Thursday ofevery month. With crowds reg-ularly exceeding 150, there’s areal buzz in the room as someof the leading comediansdescend on the U’s stadium.

And it’s great value too! Ticketsfor the Comedy Club nights arejust £10 or £8 to U’s seasonticket holders and ComedyClub members.

The next event is on ThursdayNovember 4th and sees thereturn of the incredibly amusing‘The Raymond and MrTimpkins Revue’. Of all of theacts that have visited theWeston Homes so far, fewhave had them rolling in theaisles as much as these guys.They’re a must see!

To purchase your tickets,e-mail [email protected] call us on 01206 755108!

Tribute NightsIf live music is more yourscene, then take a look at ourregular Tribute Nights at thestadium. Held on Fridayevenings, they’re a great wayto get the weekend started witha look back at some of thefinest music of the last fifty years.

We’ve already seen RodStewart, David Bowie and Blur

given the tribute treatment andwe’ve still got four more greatnights on offer before theChristmas party season getsstarted.

First up is the sounds of theBeach Boys on Friday October29th before what is set to beone of our most popular nightsyet with Steve Ballard perform-ing the always popular tunes ofElvis on November 5th.

A week later, it’s time to getsoulful as The Blues Brotherscome to the Weston Homesand, seven days after that, thefirst Tribute Night seasoncomes to a close with theRolling Clones and the soundsof Mick Jagger and co.

Each of these nights cost £12for the show only, or £25 if youalso choose to have a twocourse hot meal before themusic gets underway.

To book your place, call01206 755106 or [email protected].

Christmas PartiesChristmas 2010 will be the thirdyear of festive fun at theWeston Homes CommunityStadium – and we think we’veworked out what makes agreat party!

So far, thousands of peoplehave been to our Christmas

bashes and we’ve quicklybecome THE venue in the Eastof England to get the festiveseason underway.

Whether you want to unwindover a meal, have a party toremember or simply let yourhair down with friends andcolleagues, our festive calendarhas something for you!

Nearly 2,000 people havealready booked in forChristmas this year – makesure that you make your book-ing soon and don’t avoid thebest party season around!

Call 01206 755106 or [email protected] more details!

Boxing DinnerOnce Christmas has passed,2011 will pack a punch withthe latest of our non-footballsporting events at the WestonHomes Community Stadium.

In the two years at the stadiumso far, we’ve branched into arange of other sports andJanuary 2011 will see boxingmake its second appearance atthe stadium. We’ll have the bestof East Anglia’s amateur boxersin attendance on a night that willreally entertain boxing fans.

Tickets are already on salenow, call John Schultz on07759 886888!

Wedding FayreIf you and your partner areheading down the aisle in 2011,then we can help you out!

The second Wedding Fayre tobe held at the Weston HomesCommunity Stadium will takeplace on Sunday October 24thbetween 11am and 3pm andincludes two great fashionshows for you to take a look atwhat’s on offer in 2011.

With over 60 exhibitors at theevent, there will be the chancefor you to make plans for yourbig day, and you will also havethe chance to win a two weekhoneymoon and a £100Thomas Cook voucher!

PromsWhilst it’s a way off yet, we’realready taking bookings for2011’s Prom Season. Last yearwas the club’s first venture intoproms and they proved to behugely popular with a host ofschools and colleges makinguse of our great facilities.

Give us a call on 01206755106 to find out more!

For further information regarding assistance or fundraisingcontact Craig Treeby: [email protected]

Registered Charity Number 1121647

The Afghanistan Trustis dedicated to

assisting woundedmembers of the

Regiment, their familiesand the families

of those whohave been killed.

www.AfghanistanTrust.org

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

One of the main reasons for theswitch to the club’s new 10,000all-seater venue two seasonsago was to expand the range ofevents and activities that couldtake place. No longer restrictedby the covenant that held swayover Layer Road, the U’s haveput on some fantastic events atthe Weston Homes and the nextfew months are some of thebusiest yet as the club looksto involve as many membersof the local community in theiractivities.

So, on these two pages, wetake a look at some of theupcoming events at the WestonHomes Community Stadium -as well as a few of the crackinggames that are coming up asJohn Ward’s men look to pushfor the play-off places in thenext stage of the League Oneseason.

Page 8: Colchester 101

When it comes to new men’s fragrances, I’mgetting very excited at the moment. No! Getyour minds out of the gutter for one momentand bear with me…

Wood notes seem to be the order of the daywhen it comes to the latest men’s colognereleases. Kenzo have just created the clumsilytitled Kenzo Homme Eau de Toilette Boisee,a flanker to their 1991 Kenzo Homme butsomething quite outstanding in its own right.Despite the embarrassingly bad marketing, thisjuice was created by master perfumer OlivierPolge and is eminently wearable. It’s actuallymore ‘green’ than woody with herbs alongsidethe cedar, but you can immediately smell the artand the quality and it’ll suit any man in a suit.Or jeans and a poncho for that matter.

Marc Jacob’s fantastic new BANG not onlycomes in a wonderfully butch bottle of ‘geomet-rically crushed chrome’, it smells like somethingthat should cost five times the price. Deep,dark woods meld into a backdrop of pepper,moss and quality vetiver. Not one for the office,gents. But wear it on a date and you’ll haveher swooning.

However, we now have a littledisappointment to confront for thefellas…

Greta Garbo’s final movie wasmemorably panned, so badly thatthe ultimate Hollywood star nevermade another film. One reviewsaid “it’s like seeing your ownmother drunk”. When my mothergets tipsy she’s rather delightful,but I get the point. The troublewith Chanel’s new Bleu scent isnot that it’s bad, its just so shock-ingly ‘normal’ that it beggars

belief. How can I pan it like Garbo’s finalefforts? It could be anything. It is fresh andsporty, great adjectives for a body spray fromthe supermarket for £2, but underwhelming forChanel, an iconic high-end brand that hasgiven us some of the best fragrances evercreated.

Of course, it will be hugely popular, and Icannot imagine any man disliking it, as thereis nothing to dislike. But Davidoff’s Cool Watertrod this path with much more imaginationtwenty years ago. It will end up as a gift formillions of men, and will make Chanel afortune, but this is not an historic fragrance,nor even a particularly interesting one. Ofcourse, you can tell that the ingredients aretop quality – I’d expect nothing less – and thepackaging and marketing are both excellent.But it just shouldn’t be a Chanel fragrance.I may just have to get drunk with my motherto get over the shock.

And for the ladies...? Oh, Calvin Klein.Welcome back! We’ve missed you.

The first three major Calvin Klein fragrances,Obsession, Eternity and the original

(pre-reformulation) Escape were toweringexamples of modern American perfumery.

And when Calvin Klein changed the way thatpeople buy perfume with “shared” fragrancessuch as ck One and ck Be (which I personallylaunched exclusively in Europe) it caused aperfume revolution. For a new generation,fragrance became all about the marketing; theimage. Not the quality and art of the scent itself.And everyone just wanted to smell like soap.

I approached Beauty with the same sense ofslight anxiety as I have the last twenty years’of Calvin Klein fragrances, that is, expectingvery little.

But how wonderful to smell a fragrance thatcould have been created in the heady,audacious days of the late eighties, but witha shimmering transparency that makes thisa perfume for 2010 and beyond.

It makes you think of backless gowns, candle-light, and a return to a genuine glamour andelegance. It is a fragrance for women, not girls,and it’s a splendid return to form; one thatre-establishes Calvin Klein as a greatAmerican perfumer. Wear it and your shoulderswill magically draw back, your tummy willbreathe in by itself, and you will look asbeautiful as the fragrance itself.

Peter is alsoManaging Directorof The Scent Train, aunique organisationthat providesfragrance salesvideos for online retailers and createsbespoke staff training courses.

www.TheScentTrain.com

08

THE

SCENTTRAIN

PeterSherlock’sScentTrainBid TV and Price Drop TV’s resident expert giveshis monthly lowdown on fragrances for both menand women - the classics and the latest releases,the good and the not so good.

Remember, there’s a hugerange of fragrances to buy onBid TV and Price-Drop TV.Tune in for details or visitwww.bid.tv and www.price-drop.tv

Page 9: Colchester 101

20 Church Walk, Colchester CO1 1NS (small lane off Head St between the cafe and the fishmongers)

t: 07800 796042 w: www.gallerydesign.co.uke: [email protected]

THE GALLERY

OPENING DAY SATURDAY 27TH

NOVEMBER 10AM-7PM

art, graphic design, photography and illustration + the gallery design shop

09

GRANITE COMPUTER SOLUTIONSBusiness I.T. Solutions & Services

Computer, Server & Network Support

Disaster Recovery Planning

Web Design, SEO & Hosting Packages

for Colchester, Essex & East Anglia

Tel: 0845 871 0821

E-mail: [email protected]

Web: www.GraniteComputers.co.uk

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

• Parties • Weddings •• Corporate Events • Charity Events •

Special Christmas Party PackagesLet The Essex Events Company set up a professional

bar in your office, saving you the problem of finding a suitablevenue that can cater for your staff. Have drinks andChristmas canapés after work, or in the lunch break

- any day you choose!

For more details contactSamantha Wall - 07771 511775

[email protected]

Do you struggle to check your own spelling and punctuation?Do you want your company image to be as professional as possible?

If so, you need

TheRedHotPenThe new proofreading and copyediting

service available exclusively from

Page 10: Colchester 101

10

AngryVs The Bear

For more information about The Raging Bull,please call Craig Fookes on 01206 752108,email: [email protected] or visitwww.theragingbull.co.uk

Craig Fookes looks at

Colchester’sHidden IndieMusic SCENEEvery month, in a private corner of Colchester’snumber one music venue, some of the hottestmusic talent in the town takes to the stage toshowcase their wares thanks to a night estab-lished by local band The 633.

‘633 presents...The Raging Bull’ has been up-and-running since November 2008, supportinglocal bands as well as playing host to a rangeof signed and touring bands from Essex andLondon. Operating from the Soundhouse venueat The Bull in Crouch Street, the night is knownas ‘the greatest indie/rock event at Colchester’snumber one music venue’, and takes place onthe 2nd Friday of every month.

The 633, who take their influence from Oasis,The Who, Kasabian, The Beatles, OceanColour Scene, Bob Dylan, Paul Weller, TheRolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, the Stone Roses

and The Verve are a five-piece indie-come-rockoutfit which have played a number of presti-gious events including Alan McGee’s GreasyLips Club Night at Jamm in Brixton, a MercInstore gig and Rocklands at 299.

Band member Mike “Deansy” Deans explainswhy they decided to set up The Raging Bull:“The night has gone from strength to strengthand has helped established many talentedbands from the local area. The whole aim of itis to nurture up-and-coming homegrown talentas well as showcasing the crème de la crèmeof the Essex and London gigging scene.”

As well as putting on regular music nights, TheRaging Bull also hosts its very own YouTube TVchannel on www.youtube.com/user/ragingbulltv,showcasing events such as an exclusive tour ofColchester’s soon-to-be-completed arts facility

FirstSite and interviews with nationally-recog-nised musicians such as Tom Hingley formerlyfrom the Inspiral Carpets.

The eclectic nights at the Soundhouse haveplayed host to a range of national talent includ-ing Tom Hingley, Blast!, We Rock Like GirlsDon’t and Freaky Age alongside local-favouritebands such as Vellocetta, Slopes, TheAmberblacks and The Library Suits.

The next Raging Bull event will take place on12th November 2010 at the Soundhouse, TheBull, Crouch Street, Colchester and will show-case Angry Vs The Bear, Freaky Age, Cav OKand The 633.

Page 11: Colchester 101

11

CAV OK

The 633

Raging Bullperformers and‘ones to watch’

according to the gospel ofCraig Fookes from The 633

AngryVs The Bearwww.angryvsthebear.comThis Colchester band uses mas-sive choruses to create dynamicelectro-indie-pop. They co-head-lined Colchester’s first ever FreeFestival earlier this year andplayed the South by South West[SXSW] festival in Austin, Texas.

AVB’s debut single ‘Show Emotion’was produced by Simon Gogerly(the guru behind U2 and GwenStefani) is out now and was pickedup by Radio 1’s Huw Stephenswho made it his ‘Pick of the Week’in April. The Bears have recentlysupported Florence & TheMachine, The Hoosiers, Esser, ThePipettes, Juliette Lewis, DirtyPretty Things, Reverend & TheMakers, Red Light Company, FlashGuns and Bens Brother. They willbe showcasing their latest materialat The Raging Bull event on 12November 2010.

Freaky Agewww.freakyageband.comSigned by V2 Records, this fourpiece band are all still teenagers,but have also performed at thisyear’s SXSW. They are currentlypromoting ‘Living In ParticularWays’, their second self-producedalbum mastered by FrankArkwright the legend behind TheCoral, Arcade Fire and The Smithsat Metropolis Studios in London.Jangly yet edgy, the band createshuge sing-along future classics.They perfected their now leg-endary cover of The Who’s PinballWizard at The Raging Bull andhave had a number one single inBelgium.

CAV OKwww.myspace.com/cavokThis fast paced five piece fromColchester delivers big dance basslines alongside charged and lyricaltones. After playing extensivelythroughout Essex and London theyhave recently supported ElizaDolittle. These guys will also beThe Raging Bull event on 12November 2010, alongside AngryVs The Bear and The 633.

The 633www.myspace.com/the633ukRude not to include ourselves onthis hit list! Gigging regularly as afive piece indie band since 2008,The 633 offers a raw indie andwear their influences on theirsleeve. They have been describedas ‘classic but by no means out-dated’ and run The Raging Bullshowcase.

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

Page 12: Colchester 101

12

You have one day, a pile ofmaterials, a handful of helpersand - to make it more difficult -you have to produce a TV showas well as a garden.

Do we cut corners? Well, let’sjust say the clock is always tick-ing and by the end of the dayyou have to produce results. Iremember about 10 years agoon the first ever shoot I did itrained solidly for two days andall we managed was a soggylawn and to upset the lovelyhome owner who had illusions ofa brand spanking new garden.

I hasten to add we did return toput things right but it was abaptism into the world of tellyI will never forget.

Gladly the experience from thenon was amazing - we travelledthe country and sometimes theglobe creating gardens that theowners could never achieve bythemselves.

There is an art to creating amakeover garden, and it is askill that you hone over theyears. Now, 200 gardens later Ithink we had it pretty sussed.Along this road that I foundmyself working with some of thegardening greats, such as MrTitch, the larger than life CharlieDimmock (no pun intended) andof course Tommy but when Ibecame the This Morninggarden presenter along sideDiarmuid Gavin it all becamea whole lot more bizarre.

One Halloween I had to do apumpkin carving competition inthe studio with Eamon Holmesand his lovely wife, when muchmy surprise along cameStephen Graham and Gino deCampo. It was surreal being liveon screen with one of the greatBritish actors carving up pump-kins in front of millions.

This Morning’s studios are trulyan amazing place to be,because as a no-frills gardeneryou find yourself sitting in thegreen room with the likes ofSean Connery, then RobbieWilliams wanders by with hisentourage... bizarre for some-one like me who, a few yearsago, was digging trenches inschools in London building play-grounds for a living. It allsounds very glam but I can tellyou it is the hardest job I haveever had. We literally movetonnes of soil, lay acres of deck-ing and plant 1000s of plantseach year, and when you havea run of 50 gardens in a series Ican tell you it is exhausting.

Now back in the real worldworking for my own design andbuild company in Colchester Ireflect back of the past 10 yearsand the hundreds of memoriesand strange events.

One time we were filming in theAlgarve with about 30 of usstaying in a Hotel by the beachjust outside Puerto Banus - let’sjust say gardening became thenew rock and roll for a week.Not much sleep was had - therewas even a trashed hotel room(was not mine of course). Ibroke my ankle jumping off apodium in a nightclub (yes I hadmy top off!) but thankfully it wasthe after-series party!

One memory stands out morethan any other. I was sent to doa garden for GMTV on theWirral and there on set was theclient, she was beautiful, kindand took my breath away. Oncewe finished filming I got a callfrom the studio. The wholeGMTV team had noticed aspark between us on screenand I am happy to say we arenow married with three beautifulchildren. It was a garden thatwould change my life forever.

Sven Wombwell’s Tales from the TellyBeing a TV gardener has to be one of thestrangest jobs around. Gardening is a waitinggame where you spend years developing anidea, nurturing plants and fine tuning ascheme until you reach perfection, but whenyou do it for telly it’s a whole different thing.

“This Morning’s studios are truly an amazingplace to be, because as a no-frills gardeneryou find yourself sitting in the green roomwith the likes of Sean Connery, then RobbieWilliams wanders by with his entourage...”

Photo:www.nickstrugnell.com

Page 13: Colchester 101

13

The Online ShopThe Natural Choice for all your Office Supplies

Massive savingsof up to 90%

are justone click

away!

essexstationery.co.ukTelephone 01255 671125

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

Page 14: Colchester 101

14

Putting YourGarden to Bedfor WinterBy Andrew Ross, Nicenstripey

FOR A FREE QUOTE CALL ANDREW ON:

www.nicenstripy.com0845 260 7651

[email protected]

autumn /

isn’t it time to hang yourgloves up for winter?

...leave it all to us..

/autumn

..t all to uswinter?hang your

60 7651.com.nicenstripy

ANDREW ONE CALL

1m

N:

needs attention all year roundand can give you somethingdifferent through all the seasons.

I have recently been to the Beth Chattogardens for inspiration, sitting on a benchand looking at the amazing colours thatare still available at this time of year.

Youroutdoorspace

Preparation is always the key and it is now that you need to think abouthow you would like the garden to look next year. As we move closer to thedormant season in your garden, it’s time to get to grips with some of thosetasks which will stand you in good stead over the winter period.

Fence and Shed Maintenanceand RepairsLoose fence panels may eventuallybreak completely in strong winterwinds. Take a look at your perimeterfence and see if all is well. Spotrepairs or replacement may beneeded to maintain security andprivacy over the next few months.Better to pick a dry day now toreview than to be making emer-gency repairs in gale force windson new year’s day!

Persistent rain will soak intountreated timber and cause rotting.Pick a dry day to treat fences andsheds to a fresh coat of preserva-tive. There are many coloursavailable in the shops to suit alltastes. You will be amazed at thetransformation.

Paths and DecksMoss can build up on decking andpaths. It can look unsightly and,perhaps more importantly, can bevery slippery. Use a strongpressure washer to blast off theseareas, remembering to brush kiln-dried sand back into the joints onblock paving to restore them totheir original state.

Gutter and leaf clearanceRotting leaves are best put on yourcompost heap, not left in yourgutters or on your lawns. Clearleaves to prevent over spillingguttering and blocked drains.Rotting leaves damage grass andmakes a mess, so remember torake them up regularly.

Vegetable BedsHome grown veg has never beenso popular. For those with largergardens, why not take time now toinstall some beds? Raised bedsare the most popular, the benefit ofthem being they put less strain onyour back while maintaining themand they also retain heat better,which will help seed germinationin the Spring. Whether you preferconventional ground level beds orraised, well rotted manure willneed to be dug into the soil toprovide optimum growing condi-tions in 2011.

These are just afew ideas to getyou out into yourgardens when thesun is shining!

Are you or yourcolleagues lookingfor ways to:

• Develop to realise full potential?

• Develop skills for managing teams,communicating, dealing with conflict?

• Develop strategic skills?

• Deal with a change of roleor organisational climate?

• Build and stengthen your leadership?

[email protected]

www.t2achieve.com

If you are, then coaching at workcould be a brilliant solution for you.

Just give us a call to unlock your potential.

0845 165 6269

Page 15: Colchester 101

The WildMan of

Wivenhoetalks about

his friendshipwith

TheBard ofSalford

Photography by Adrian Multon: www.adrianmulton.co.uk

Page 16: Colchester 101

16

his mother agreed tochange her name to Ringo,he told me, the wholecourse of his life mighthave taken a different turn.

He’d been called John, his brother wasPaul and his father happened to benamed George. With the best will in theworld, though, he still maintains, John,Paul, George and Hilda would not haveswung it. He became a poet and comedian.

He’d grown up in 1950s Salford, a citywith life-expectancy rates which werethen among the lowest in Great Britain.As a child he contracted TB and wassent to a sanitorium in Rhyll, NorthWales. As a pre-teenager, self-consciousabout his painfully thin legs, he refusedto wear shorts. During his last year injunior school, therefore, he was caneddaily for turning up in long trousers.One of his classmates at senior schoolwas Martin Ruane, who’d later becomebetter known as Giant Haystacks thewrestler. Haystacks took Clarkey’s sand-wiches off him every day. John wouldhave to ask his mother not to includecertain ingredients in the sandwiches,if he knew that Martin didn’t like them.Such glimpses of his early life have

gradually surfaced during the twentyyears of my friendship with the enter-tainer John Cooper Clarke and yet, likemany people who have experiencedgenuine hardship, he hardly ever men-tions the bad times. I was asked to inter-view him, for this article but we bothfelt it would have beensomewhat awkward.Whenever I’ve read inter-views with him, they’rerarely dull. But how manytimes can we go over theold ground? Far betterthat I give you a little ofwhat I know so far.

Suffice it to say that aftera dip in his career in the1990s, John has becomegenuinely famous again,especially so during pastcouple of years. Heappears to be back in thelong-stay star park. It’s not what you’llread in the papers which confirms thisfact - it’s what casually osmoses throughour conversations whenever I talk tohim. Richard Hawley the singer wants towork with him. He spent a recentevening chatting with Vivienne

Westwood. Noel Gallagher boundedacross a venue foyer to tell him howmuch he loved him. A couple of yearsago, a Sunday broadsheet feature writer,who’d been pursuing him for an inter-view for over a year, finally got John toagree to one. When it came out, John’s

feature got the front pageof the magazine. The car-toon illustration was byRalph Steadman. When hefirst went to New York, hispersonal tour guide wasDavid Johansen of the NewYork Dolls. John was recent-ly on the front page of anational tabloid. He had hisback to the camera. He wasin conversation with KateMoss. The list goes on.

And yet, for the past twodecades, it’s old town Essexwhich has been his home.

Here among modest Victorian terracesand unpretentious streets, is where hehangs his haiku. Here too on coldmornings, after lighting the coal firewith newspaper and kindling, he’d shuf-fle up the road to the newsagents in hiscardie and drainies, for ten Benson and

TheClarke’sTaleHad

“You don’t lookdisabled.

What areyou doing?”

“Justkeeping

the dreamalive.”

Page 17: Colchester 101

17

a tabloid. He can write poetry, ofcourse. He can also tell gags and spinyarns. Slam the package together andthat’s what has put the rears-on-tiers atthe events which he’s headlined sincethe late 1970s.

How does he work? Like many writers,he doesn’t really stop. The old noggin’sworking the whole time, resulting in aconstant outpouring of jokes and punswith a lineage stretching back to musichall days. These will be peppered with abattery of arcane literary referenceswhich would tax an Oxbridge don. Oneof my favourite stories about him: Uponfinding all the toilets occupied at avenue where he was playing, John useda vacant disabled loo in order to re-bouffe his hair. On coming out he wasconfronted by a jobsworth who said,“You don’t look disabled. What are youdoing?” John replied: “Just keeping thedream alive.”

One evening a couple of years ago, hearrived at my house, standing like akirby grip in Chelsea boots on the stairs.His French-born partner and his daugh-ter were away in France at the time. Itbeing late summer, neither of us had

any forthcoming gigs. He ended up stay-ing on my sofa for ten days. In retro-spect now, I think that without theanchor of his family being there, andnot wishing to get into any further mis-chief, I was probably the next most sta-ble thing within a taxi rideof his home. Once he’sasleep, though, there ispractically nothing thatwill wake him. Two blokescame round one morningto deliver a heavy sofabed. It had to come inthrough the first floorsash window of the roomwhere John was sleeping. Iwarned John, the nightbefore, that this would behappening. He said, “I’llbe alright.” The operationwas noisy and took thetwo delivery guys andmyself twenty minutes of struggle,including the object’s assembly.John never stirred. “Who’s thaton the sofa?” asked one of themen. “Another entertainer.” Ireplied. “Would I have heard ofhim? “asked the man. “Possibly.”I said.

During this time, John and I ran onslightly different schedules. I rose earlyand was at my keyboard by nine. I waslucky if I got to bed before three. We’dstay up talking about, well, mainly doo-wop music I seem to remember. It’s a

thing which John is some-thing of an authority on.He’d awake about middayand amble up to the Co-opfor his ‘baked goods’ -French pastries and soforth. He wrote routines,gags and poems at mykitchen table during thelong hot afternoons. while Ithrashed away at a laptopin the living room. Johndoesn’t use computers andstill writes everything inlonghand. Sometimes webroke for coffee and ciga-rettes. A woman dropping

by late one afternoon, described thescene as, “Like coming in and findingtwo good schoolboys getting quietly onwith their homework.”

He’s incredibly fussy about his clothes.His knowledge of tailoring, fashion andstyle goes far beyond that of the young

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

“Here, Mart.You’ve gottahear this

one.It’s an

absolute’kingem.”

Page 18: Colchester 101

18

Page 19: Colchester 101

northern mod which he’d once aspired to be. What theinterviews and general fluff will never tell you about him,though, is how genuinely merry he is. As long as I’ve knownhim, the first thing he usually says when we meet is, “Here,Mart. You’ve gotta hear this one. It’s an absolute ‘kin gem.”This will be followed by a wheezy ‘kshh-shhh-shssh’ laughand usually another gag. In late middle age, John hasbecome a merry old gentleman, in a very Dickensian sense.Most of what the two of us do when we meet up, involvesmerriment of some sort.

We don’t often talk about work, as such, though one inter-esting thing did transpire. As boys, we must have readexactly the same publications, the Mad Magazines, theSinister Tales comics and the Classics Illustrated series,because the references and the ideas just keep cropping upin our conversations again and again. Perhaps, it’s not thatwe both read such things but that we both rememberedthem. We were both ill in bed quite a bit as kids and read-ing is what seven stone weaklings who can’t have a fighttend to do.

John’s reactions to world shattering events can be unpre-dictable and hilarious. After a gig in Exeter inDecember of 2003, he was the last one downto breakfast in the hotel. A film crew and Iwere agog at the newspapers. SaddamHussein had been captured. The now-famouspicture of the unkempt and shocked dictatorhaving his teeth examined by his captors,was on every front page. “Have you seen this,John?” I said, holding up a picture. Hepeered at it myopically for a few moments.“Blimey!” said John, “ He’s let himself go,hasn’t he?”

John Cooper Clarke, once of Salford, is nowfrom Essex. He likes the place. Essex likeshim. The taxi drivers know him. A while agoJohn and his agent both managed to ‘forget’

that he’d been booked for a a headline gig at Leed Palace ofVarieties - the opulent Victorian theatre where the TV show,The Good Old Days was once filmed. It was three in theafternoon. This was an emergency. John needed to beonstage in Leeds at nine. He called a cab. To Leeds. He andthe agent agreed to split the taxi fare. It came in at well pastthree figures. John told the cabbie non stop gags all theway there. He bought the young driver dinner and put himin his own theatre box to watch the show while he wasonstage. He told the cabbie jokes on the way home. Johnwas back home by three in the morning. Lucky cabbie.Better than ferrying Saturday drunks back and forth to theestates, I reckon.

Every year now, for the past fifteen Christmases or so, Johnand I have done “Christmas with Jonny and Martin.” atColchester Arts Centre. For me at least, it’s the best gig ofthe year. It has a really special atmosphere. One year, with-out telling John, I borrowed a pantomime camel from TheMercury Theatre. Two other Colchester poets, Luke Wrightand Ross Sutherland got in it, and I led the camel outonstage in the middle of John’s set. He wasn’t expecting it.I’m still waiting for him to get me back.

“Blimey!”“He’s lethimself

go,hasn’t he?”

John Cooper Clarke and Martin Newellare at Colchester Arts Centre onDecember 18th.

19

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

Page 20: Colchester 101

20

Photographs that look good in colour oftenlook great in black and white.

De-saturating an image allows the eye to enjoythe composition, curves and contrast in animage without the distraction of colour. And ifyou’re looking to decorate your home with someoriginal artwork, a black and white photographicprint adds a touch of class to any wall.

The secret of black and white photography isknowing which shade of grey each colour in ascene will render. Film photographers often usecolour filters on their cameras to control thetransition.

Image editing programs and digital camerasallow you to create black and white imagesinstantly. The results may be good, but equallymay be dull and uninspiring.

So, ignore your camera’s black and white set-ting, and forget the multitude of one-touch de-saturation tools in Photoshop, and follow thesesimple steps to create consistently beautifulblack and white digital imagery:

This technique should work in any commerciallyavailable version of Adobe Photoshop, althoughthose with Photoshop CS3 or better shouldcheck out the Black and White adjustment layerfeature, which gives you even more control!

Working through the 12 steps above will allowyou to create beautiful results every time! Youare also on the road to understanding the truepower of Photoshop – the bit that all newcom-ers fear - layers.

Adrian Multon is a freelance photographerbased in Wivenhoe. He provides high qualityimagery for local businesses.

Adrian also offers group and 1-2-1 photographictutoring and image editing workshops. Seewww.adrianmulton.co.uk for details.

Convert Colour Images to Black and White

1) Open an image in Photoshop.

2) If not already displayed, openthe layers palette (Window -Layers). You should see asingle image layer labelledBackground. This containsyour full colour image.

3) Create a new hue/saturation‘adjustment’ layer (click theblack/white circle at the bottomof the layers palette and selectHue/Saturation).

4) In the resulting window movethe Saturation slider as far left asit will go. Hit OK. Your image isnow black and white, but we’renot done yet.

5) Double click the wordsHue/Saturation 1 on the newlayer (which should appear abovethe Background layer) andchange the label to desaturate

(you don’t have to do this step,but it’s a good habit to get intobefore you master layers andhave dozens of them in a singleimage).

6) Highlight the Backgroundlayer (left mouse click anywhereon the layer).

7) Create another newhue/saturation layer, as in step3. Hit OK in the new window. Thissecond adjustment layer shouldsit directly underneath the first,and above Background.

8) Label the new layer tone, andkeep it highlighted.

9) Towards the top of the layerspalette you should see the wordnormal. Click on the arrow nextto normal and choose colourfrom near the bottom of the result-ing dropdown.

10) Re-open the tone layer(double click the black/whitecircle on the left of the layer)and move its window to the sideof your image.

11) Adjust tones within the imageby slowly moving the hue sliderleft or right; decide which combi-nation looks best to you. ClickOK.

12) Examine the image at 100%magnification, ensuring there isno banding or pixelation, especial-ly in shadowy and transitionalareas of the image. If there is,return to step 10 and move theHue slider until it’s gone.

When finished you can combineall layers by left-clicking any layerand selecting Flatten Image. Youmight like to make other editsbefore doing this.

Chappel Viaduct. By Adrian Multon

TONE UP YOURPHOTOGRAPHY

Page 21: Colchester 101

21

I grew up with cats.

In fact, my mother ended her daysas the archetypal mad, old cat ladywith14 of the beasts in a mobilehome in Penzance. But let’s notopen up old scratch wounds…

My adolescent years were spentwith a beautiful Abyssinian calledBatty (don’t ask). She was far tooregal for such a silly name, didn’treally like anybody but me andslept at the end of my bed everynight. I would talk about ourintricate “prupping” communicationmethods but then I’d just sound asmad as my mother finally became.I adored that cat and she lived toa ripe old age.

But then I fell in love with dogs.

I have a wonderful friend who livesin the West Indies who has alwayshad, and even bred, lots and lotsof dogs, mainly Jack Russells. Myfrequent visits there across theyears, some lasting many weekswhen I was able, meant that I couldtake my position as part of her largepack of dogs.

Mojo, the top dog, was a gigantic,scary looking Rottweiler-Mastiffcross that was required for securitypurposes but was actually verysweet and gentle – if you wereaccepted into the pack. When Ifirst met him, he took my wrist inhis mouth, very gently but firmlybetween his powerful, droolingjaws and enormous teeth, and Ifroze with absolute fear. I hadn’t metmany dogs by this point in my life.

“Oh, he’s just telling you that hecould cause you serious damage ifhe wanted to – but he doesn’t wantto and you’re now to regard your-self as a part of the pack,” myfriend explained breezily. Frommeowing and “prupping” to Batty,I was now learning dogcommunication. When I wouldwake early with a bit of jet lag,before my friend and goddaughterhad risen, and sat in the rising StLucian sun with my morning coffee,

Mojo would bring me a large leafor a stick or once, rather distress-ingly, the carcass of some poor,small animal. With a wag of hisdocked tail, he presented me withmy ‘morning gift’. I adored him.

Then there was Pepper, a littleblack and tan mix of Dachshund,Jack Russell terrier andChihuahua. My “powerChihuahua” as she came to beknown. She arrived as the cutest,tiniest puppy on the very same daythat I had arrived for a two-weekstay. We immediately bonded andshe spent her first two weeks inher new home in my company,protected from the rest of theeight-strong, boisterous pack. Atnight, she joined me in the safetyof the guest bedroom.

Apparently, when I left, she spentweeks sitting outside the guestroom door, pining for me. Andevery year when I returned, shedefinitely remembered me andgreeted me as her old friend. Ihave always been accused of totallyspoiling her in those first twoweeks and that she grew into aright little “madam”. But year afteryear, when I called “hey, powerChihuahua!” she would comerunning to leap on my lap and lickmy face with genuine joy and glee.

That is really when I fell head-over-heels in love with dogs.

One of my visits coincided with theimminent birth of Pepper’s firstlitter of pups. Now, as I was led tounderstand, most dogs prefer tofind a quiet, secluded place andget on with the business at handon their own. Pepper’s labourbegan in the depths of night. Inmy friend’s exposed, near-balconyof a bedroom, as a dramatictropical storm raged around uswith hot rain and spectacularforked lightening, Pepper seemedto insist that I sat and comfortedher through her ordeal.

Her screams must have beenheard on the other side of the

island, even through the frequentclaps of thunder. Her size whenpregnant had led us to expect four orfive pups. Due to the size of thefather, she had just two enormousones that we christened Basil andPlum. (So, you get the vegetable /plant theme going on in the naming,right?).

So, my hankering for a dog of myown grew and grew over theyears.

I had no idea what breed I wouldchoose – I just liked ‘dogs’. So Ifilled in a bizarre online question-naire that requested one’s circum-stances and requirements (“Howintelligent would you like your dogto be?” – um, preferably not a totaldunce…) and then suggested your

ideal breeds. My personalisedresults: a Spitz / Pomeranian (toofurry), a Corgi (I shan’t explain fullywhy that didn’t appeal but beingreferred to as a “queen” isn’texactly alien to me) and, thirdly,a Miniature Schnauzer.

Yes! A few Google searches laterand the decision was made. Iwould go for the MiniatureSchnauzer. She would be jetblack and named Berta afterVictoria Wood’s character in theclassic comedy ‘Acorn Antiques’.

The only trouble was, I lived aloneand at the time had a ghastly, fulltime office job. Berta would haveto wait…

And then, three and a half yearsago, my circumstances changedand I started to work from home.

My Life WithMiss Berta

www.trophypetfoods.co.ukCall: 01206 211491 or 07812 371590

Email:[email protected]

Top quality, own brand pet foodsdelivered free to your door.

British ingredients with noartificial colours or additives.

Foods to suit all pockets.

Most household pets cateredfor plus the wild birds too.

Free samples andnutritional advice.

Treats and accesssories availableplus a microchipping service.

QUALITYPET FOODSDelivered toyour door

Dog About Town

NEXT TIME:Finding and visiting Berta forthe first time, some advice onchoosing your breeder,bringing your puppy homeand some thoughts onnaming…

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

Page 22: Colchester 101

Slack Space is a non profit volunteer runinitiative to create arts usage of empty shopsand locations, in order to promote local artists,present new and exciting work to the publicand generate a cultural buzz in the town centre.

Since the formation of the group, during thedarkest days of the recession, they have occu-pied a number empty shops around town andcreated spaces where local artists, musiciansand creative people can show their work.

In the 16 months since Slack Space have beenoccupying empty retail units over 21,000 peoplehave attended a variety of events, not just artexhibitions but musical events, film screenings,

workshops and discussion groups. The workshowcased at Slack Space is varied andexciting but always accessible.

The progress of Slack Space has helped tocreate excitement about Queen Street and it isnow one of the leading figures in the develop-ment of the Cultural Quarter. The success ofthe early projects has been strengthened by theresponse of the general public who seem keento support the arts and experience somethingfresh and challenging.

With new exhibitions every 2/3 weeks there isalways something new for visitors to see. Theexhibitions cover the whole spectrum of art:

from super realistic portraits to expressiveabstract painting, from creative photography tograffiti culture.

As well as the ever changing display of artwork,the monthly minifests have also proven to bevery popular. The minifests are 4 days of musicand entertainmentfrom many genresand styles. Theevents have givenmany bands thefirst chance to per-form their work tothe public.

Visitors to Colchester and regular shoppers may havenoticed things are changing on Queen Street. In late Marchof this year the former Shoe World store was transformed,from a neglected and empty site, into the latest Slack Space.Art for ALL

www.Gosh.co.uk

osh!gGosh! is a marketing agency with a newapproach, helping businesses towards freshways of strategic thinking, and innovativeways to reach their customers.

From branding and design to creating digitalmedia via truly innovative communicationsincluding social media, Gosh! offers its clientsunique ideas and solutions.

t: 01206 823618 e: [email protected] Studio, Tye Road, Colchester, Essex CO7 7BN.

Talk to us today about how Gosh! canhelp you promote your business.

22

Page 23: Colchester 101

All events at Slack Space are free, for more information on whatis going on check out the blog: iheartslackspace.blogspot.com orbecome fans of Colchester Slack Space on Facebook.

To submit work, to enquire about useof the space or to volunteer email:[email protected]

Page 24: Colchester 101

Our anniversary gig on 27thSeptember was held at StanwayRovers Football club and billedas a “Lady’s Night”, offering asmorgasbord of some of the bestfemale comics on the UK circuit.Professional comedians SusanMurray, Juliet Meyers and Liz Carrput on a mix of irreverence andjust enough filth to keep our smallbut perfectly formed audiencelaughing it up and there was anicely surreal interlude by up-and-coming new local act KerrySouter. My favourite act of thenight was the reliably sick yethilarious Liz Carr. Liz is a no non-sense scouse lesbian, with a wor-rying resemblance to a wheel-chair-bound Michael Jackson anda continual habit of refusing to usea ramp up onto the stage and thenjoyously taking the rise out of mysupposed flagrant disregard fordisabled access. It’s becoming agreat in-joke - the audience mustthink I’m some kind of Nazi.

The Stanway experience has beendifficult going since we startedthere in July, as not all of thelocals seem that enamoured bycomedy nights, and it’s hard toattract people from Colchester andbeyond (if you live near the 65 busroute then get yourself down therefor the next one). I run the FunnyFarm on a not-for-profit basis, withall money from the audience goingto the acts, but in reality, withnewer nights bringing smalleraudiences, I’m often out of pocket,as I have to guarantee pro comicsa minimum payment against thedoor-split to entice them to thevenue.

So why do it? Well, predictably, it’sa labour of (obsessive) love. I dida comedy course at ColchesterArts Centre back in 2003 and soonafter helped start off a comedy nightat Essex Uni that’s still going withdifferent organisers now.

The subsequent charmingly sham-bolic and home-grown funny farm

gigs have introduced a loyal come-dy audience to comics who havegone on to win top Edinburghfringe comedy awards (JosieLong, Wil Hodgson, SarahMillican) or have been nominated(Paul Sinha, Matt Crosby ofPappy’s Fun Club, Marek Larwoodfrom We Are Klang, Nick Revell,Simon Munnery), turned up on TV(Jo Caulfield, Shazia Mirza, ScottCapurro, Paul Foot, RichardHerring) or Radio 4 (nearly every-body else!) and bona fide circuitlegends (Ian Cognito, RoryMotion, Peter Buckley Hill,Norman Lovett, Brian Damage &Krystaal). I’ve had support fromsome fantastic people: audiencemembers who stepped in to helpand ended up running the andmembers of Colchester’s secretvibrant creative community whohave loaned amps when oursblew up or frog shaped gardenspotlights. I’d love to make moneyworking full-time in the comedybusiness, but having been told bya recruitment agency for Britain’stop comedy agency that I havegreat experience but “would betoo old to fit in with the team”.

Recently I’ve discovered a cheapand cheerful way of indulging myinsane addiction is to run freecomedy nights, providing a plat-form for newer comics desperateto earn and bolster their stagewings and lacking the experiencefor paid gigs. We started at SlackSpace back in June, following upwith a fantastic Free Funny Farmat the Minories as part of KeepColchester Cool’s Free Festivalweek in September.

24

September saw the fifth anniversary of Funny Farm comedyclubs running in and around Colchester, and although theoriginal Wivenhoe Funny Farm was so named because itsvenue at Wivenhoe Town Football Club was surrounded byfields, it often feels as though the more common use of theterm is more appropriate and that the lunatics have indeedbeen running the asylum.

I’m currently in talks witha new venue in Wivenhoe,so it’s looking promisingthat the Funny Farm mayreturn to it’s home townin the next few months.I’ll keep you posted.

View from the

FunnyFarm

The diary of an independent comedy promoter

Let us take the headache outof promoting your business

Page 25: Colchester 101

25

LIKE about Colchester:The Bull and other dedicated musicvenues like the Twist - and how ithas boosted the vibrant and activeindependent music scene in the town.

LOVE about Colchester:The community - it’s big enough tohave a lot of cultural choice but smallenough to know most people on thecreative scene.

LOATHE about Colchester:It’s reputation as a ‘Squaddie Town’ -they do a great job for our country -let’s be more inclusive people!

WANT in Colchester:That we Don’t currently have:An all-night live music venue

Rechenda Smith

LIKE about Colchester:The location...we are perfectlypositioned between London and theEast Anglian Coast... what betterplaces to influence our town?

LOVE about Colchester:The Arts Centre, the orange tea bread(toasted) from the Arts Cafe, baconsarnies from The Old Courthouse, theBook Club I run, the Bandstand, thehiggledy piggledy layout of the shopsand the happy, smiley ‘can do’ people

LOATHE about Colchester:Thee empty unused retail spaces

WANT in Colchester:Bring back the trams!

Jo Coldwell

LIKE about Colchester:The potential of the town

LOVE about Colchester:The history, and the future (the VAF)

LOATHE about Colchester:The traffic policy (bad road lay-outs,lack of well -thought out bus routes)

WANT in Colchester:An Ice rink, and a Primark

Isobel Merry

LIKE about Colchester:The Lexden Crown, ColchesterConnected, Palladian Press andALL my customers.

LOVE about Colchester:The Colchester United FC

LOATHE about Colchester:I hate how long everything takes tohappen. The bureaucracy of decisionmaking in Colchester is like no othertown. I also think the town is notmarketed properly and is light yearsbehind lesser places like York andChester in terms of being a touristdestination.

WANT in Colchester:Championship football would be nicewith proper car parking facilities.

Steve Green

LIKE about Colchester:The history

LOVE about Colchester:The community spirit

LOATHE about Colchester:The football team and the townplanners past and present

WANT in Colchester:No more large supermarkets, wantmore local traders

Tony Emment

LIKE about Colchester:I like the great sense of community.

LOVE about Colchester:I love Castle Park and the RiverColne.

LOATHE about Colchester:I loathe the way Colchester isexpanding and the roads can’tcope with the extra traffic thanmore people bring.

WANT in Colchester:I want a Primark in Colchester!

Juliette Maxam

Like itLove itLoathe it

101 needs your inputThis is your chance to tell us what you LIKE, LOVE,LOATHE about... and WANT in Colchester that wedon’t currently have.

Send 30 words or less on EACH of the following subjects to:[email protected]

Wouldn’t it be great to look your very best?Perhaps you have a special occasion,or just want to refresh your look.

Fully qualified mobile technician specialising in eyes and make up:Eyebrow Shaping - Eyebrow Tinting - Eyelash Tinting - Eyelash Perming

Individual eyelash extensions - Cosmetic make up for Special Occasions - Bridal make up

Call Lauren on07739 791139Eyes and make up

To Advertise inColchester 101

Call 01206 544700or email us at:

[email protected]

Revolver Retro Clothing35a Sir Isaacs Walk, Colchester, Essex CO1 1JJ.

01206 562961

RETRO CLOTHINGACCESSORIESHOMEWARES

www.RevolverRetro.co.uk

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

WANTIT!

Page 26: Colchester 101

26

Defined in the dictionary as‘any substance which can betaken into the body andchanged into energy’. Thisbasic explanation probablycovers it for some people, the‘eat to live crowd’. For me, andcountless others, it doeslittle to convey the pleasure,comfort and social experienceentwined with a love of goodfood. I am a proud member ofthe ‘live to eat’ crowd, and Ihope you are too!

In the following months, I hope tocelebrate all that is good about foodin our home town of Colchester.Believe me, we have much to praise.

I would like you to share yourdiscoveries and efforts too. Nominateyour local food hero, send us a photoof your creation using one of ourrecipes and we will publish the mostcreative one. We would love to hearyour nominations for, ‘Top 5 ChristmasPuddings’. Or your recipe ideas for‘Mum, I’m Hungry’... go on,get involved.

E-mail your ideas [email protected]

FOOD:

Page 27: Colchester 101

27

Local’s BestI want to encourage you to makeuse of our brilliant local foodretailers. Buying local make sensefor so many reasons. Like manyColchester residents, I don’t wantto live in a town overrun withcarbon copy chain stores. AlthoughI recognise their place in thecommunity, I want to see moreof a balance between the bigsupermarkets and small independentfood stores.

I love the town’s quirkiness, theindividuality of the many smallshops and businesses. We shouldbe celebrating this and encouragingdiversity to thrive. Locally ownedbusinesses circulate moneywithin the local community andthat’s good for everyone.

Seasonal Food GuideEating seasonally means eating food that isat its peak in terms of flavour and nutritionalcontent, while at the same time cutting downon those food miles. Each month, we aim tobring you a guide to what’s in season.

Now is the season for leafy green vegetables and roots: beetroots,brussels tops, cabbages of all colours, carrots, celeriac, greens, kale,parsnips, pumpkins and squashes all go well in those autumn hotpotsand roasts.

British apples and pears are still in abundance, along with walnutsand chestnuts. What to do with all these seasonal goodies...

Take 512345

Procter’s, Prize Winning, Old English Breakfast PorkSausage. £3.75 for 500g, Procter’s Sausages, RedLion Yard, Colchester.

Wicks Manor, Pork & Apple Sausages. £2.99 for454g, Wicks Manor Farm, Witham Road, TolleshuntMajor, Maldon.

Sainsbury’s Ultimate Chipolata, Taste the Difference.£2.59 for 400g, Sainsbury’s Tollgate, Colchester.

Waitrose, 8 Premium Pork Sausages.£2.09 for 454g, Waitrose, Colchester.

Asda Extra Special Sausages, Premium Pork.£1.93 for 454g, Asda, Colchester.

BestBangers

What you’ll need;Pasta any sort, quickcook is good for obviousreasons, cook in plenty ofsalty boiling water and drain.Mushrooms Button are fine, chop upand fry in a little butter with a splash ofolive oil....season.Spinach buy a bag that’s already beenwashed, and throw it all into the pan youhave sautéd the mushroom’s in, it willwilt almost immediately.Cream Cheese stir in a 300g tub ofcream cheese.

Add your creamy spinach and mushroomsauce to the pasta and stir well tocombine thoroughly. Serve with a handfull of freshly grated Parmesan cheeseand let them tuck in. Job Done!

CreamySpinach &MushroomPasta

MUM,I’M HUNGRYQuick Kids Recipes

In a large soup pot, heat theolive oil and butter over mediumheat. Add the onion, carrot,parsley stalks and celery andcook for 5 minutes, or until thevegetables begin to soften. Addthe garlic, season and cook for2 minutes more.

Add the tomato puree and tin oftomatoes, vegetable broth andherbs, bring to a boil and turndown to simmer.

Add the cannellini beans andsimmer for 2 minutes.

Add the courgette, cabbageand pasta and simmer for 10minutes, or until all of thevegetables are tender and thepasta is al dente. Season withsalt and pepper.

Serve the soup in large bowlswith a sprinkling of Parmesancheese and a drizzle of goodextra virgin olive oil. Warm acrusty loaf in the oven to mop upthe soup, or slather garlic butterover hunks of toastedbread...delicious!

:2 tbsp Olive Oil1 tsp butter1 onion, chopped1 carrot, chopped2 stalks celery, chopped2 cloves garlic, finely choppedMaldon saltFreshly ground black pepper1 tbsp tomato puree1 can chopped tomatoes2 pints marigold swiss vegetable bouillon stockHandful of basil, tornHandful of parsley, chopped, keep the stalks separately1 tin of cannellini beans, rinsed and drained1 courgette, quartered and chopped1 small cabbage, quarter, remove core and slice thinlyHandful of pastaParmesan, gratedExtra virgin olive oil for drizzling

ItalianMinestroneSoup (serves 8)

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

Page 28: Colchester 101

It was another busy day in the office at a Banknear Liverpool Street. Plans tonight to go outwith Pierre, a French client of mine and meetup at Jamie’s Bar. Remembering a commentfrom him that British girls seem to drink toomuch I decide I need to be careful and not drinktoo many glasses of wine. He flirted with melast time so again I think to myself I must justhave a couple of glasses of wine, no more. Iam not meeting Pierre until 7pm and suddenlygoing out with a few of the girls I work with justfor a quick drink seems like a very good idea(after such a good day, well I deserve it don’t I?).

Must be careful how many glassesI have tonightBefore I know it we are down in Corney andBarrows. Gosh, suddenly it is 7pm and I sprintover to Jamie’s Bar. I love this warm feelinginside and the good mood seems even moreexciting now. It’s great working in the City. Butgone are those thoughts of “must be carefulhow many glasses I have tonight”. I cruise intoJamie’s Bar, a quick professional peck on thecheek and Pierre buys me a large glass of wineand all is well. We are chatting away (amazinghow much more confident and knowledgeable Iseem now) and Pierre remarks “you seem a bittipsy”...I laugh it off, gone is the caution aroundmy drinking. The feeling is so good who cares?I’ll have another one.

I suddenly wake up... where am I? Is this my

home? What’s the time? What happened? Ilook at my watch it is 4am. What do I lastremember? Well I recall meeting Pierre, I recallhim commenting I’m tipsy, I vaguely recall stag-gering to the toilet... but after that? Well as perusual I haven’t got a clue… my handbag is fullof paperclips and bulldog clips (where the heckdid they come from?) I am frightened andworried now. Is my boyfriend home? Does heknow when I came in? I creep upstairs (feelingsick and awful with my head spinning) and he’sfast asleep in bed.

I walk into the bathroom. God, I look awful, andthen have a horrid sick feeling in my stomach..,did I kiss Pierre or even worse did anything elsehappen?

I’ll never drink againI feel full of disgust - why can’t I remember? Ipromised myself last time that nothing like thiswould ever happen again, so how come it has?I look at my make-up - is it smudged (yes) andlook at my nice sharp work suit and jacket andblack tights - do these look like they have beenoff? I don’t know. How can I find out? I silentlypray to God: “Please make everything ok andI’ll never drink again or do anything like thisagain”. Nothing happens, I just feel sick fromthe drink, and worse still, sick and disgustedwith myself.

By 8am I am feeling really ill. I usually showerand eat a stodgy breakfast and drag myself towork after a night out, but today I feel physically

worse than usual, and I’m scared. By 8.15am Icall the office and tell them the seafood I hadlast night whilst I was out with the client did notagree with me (another lie). I crawl into bed.

Why had it happened again?My boyfriend is up but not talking to me. Helooks disgusted. It was just last week I hadpromised him I would never do anything likethis again, and I had so meant it, I knew I had,so why had it happened again? I didn’t wantthis. I loved the feeling drink gave me but I hatedthe consequences. Why had I not stopped afterfour or five drinks, why could I never stop afterfour or five drinks? I simply didn’t know.

It was 10am and I still feel so ill from the drink.my boyfriend is working at home, unfortunately,and still not speaking to me. He steps over melying on the bathroom floor feeling sick... thephone rings and I panic: “Please tell them I amstill ill if that is my boss,” I manage to say. “Wellyou better get up and answer it yourself” comesthe reply. “I’ve had enough covering for you, if Iget to it first I’ll tell them the truth”. He’s neverspoken to me like that before, with that harsh‘had enough’ tone in his voice. Something haschanged and I am frightened, but too sick tosay anything or get up.

By noon I am scheming about what excuse Icould make to call Pierre to find out what hadhappened last night. If only I had gone intowork then I could have telephoned and thankedhim and weaselled it out of him, but I know it

Each month Colchester 101 will featurereaders’ own stories about issues thataffect, or are still affecting, their lives.If you have a story to tell then send itto us at [email protected]

This month, an anonymous Colchesterwoman tells how her alcoholism finally droveher to her own personal rock bottom and sherealised she needed to stop drinking andsought help at Alcoholics Anonymous.

A Problem Shared

Diary of aColchester AlcoholicOne Thursday, June 1996

28

Page 29: Colchester 101

would be a bit strange as I am supposedly offsick. I never wanted to feel like this again. I hadoften felt this way but little did I know that daythat for once it would be different this time. Ipromise myself as I lay on the floor I will neverdrink again. I never want to feel this humiliatedever again. I have been in worse scrapes in mylife through drink over the previous years, butit was the way I feel inside this time that isdifferent. I am broken, the game is up.

Over 14 years now continuously soberAs I said, I had promised myself a million timesbefore I would never drink again, but today over14 years on I am very grateful for that Junenight as it was the beginning of my journey intoAlcoholics Anonymous and eventual recoverythrough the AA 12 step programme. I tried tostop drinking on my own from that June dayonwards but was unsuccessful. It was eventuallyin October that same year I turned up at myfirst AA meeting, and it was from that dayonwards that I have not had a drink since - over14 years now continuously sober. Little did Iknow that the best, and happiest years, of mylife were ahead, and would be sober oneswhich was pretty amazing for someone who atone point could not imagine life and functioningwithout alcohol.

But the last bit of my journey to AA andrecovery is another story for another day....

Anonymous,Colchester

Alcoholics AnonymousAlcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of menand women who share their experience, strengthand hope with each other that they may solvetheir common problem and helpothers to recover from alcoholism.

Helpline 0845 769 7555Email: [email protected]

Al-Anon Family GroupsAl-Anon Family Groups provide support toanyone whose life is, or has been, affected bysomeone else’s drinking.

Helpline 020 7403 0888Email: [email protected]

Narcotics AnonymousNA is a nonprofit fellowship or society of menand women for whom drugs had become amajor problem.

Helpline 0300 999 1212www.ukna.org

Cocaine AnonymousCocaine Anonymous is a fellowship of men andwomen who share their experience, strengthand hope with each other so that they maysolve their common problem and help others torecover from their addiction.

Helpline 0800 612 0225From UK Mobile Phones 800 612 0225Email: [email protected]

Colchester Gay SwitchboardSince 1979 Gay Essex has worked throughoutNorth Essex to meet the needs of gay, lesbian,bi-sexual and transgender individuals and thoseaffected by HIV and AIDS.

Helpline 01206 869191 or 0845 1 23 23 88www.gayessex.org.uk

BrookBrook is the only national voluntary sectorprovider of free and confidential sexual healthadvice and services specifically for youngpeople under 25 providing professional advicethrough specially trained doctors, nurses,counsellors, and outreach and informationworkers offering advice on:• Contraception • STIs • Pregnancy

Helpline 0808 802 1234www.brook.org.uk

Overeaters AnonymousOvereaters Anonymous is a fellowship ofindividuals who, through shared experience,strength and hope, are recovering fromcompulsive overeating.

Helpline: 07000 784985www.oagb.org.uk

beatbeat is the leading UK charity for people witheating disorders and their families. beat is theworking name of the Eating DisordersAssociation.

Helpline: 0845 634 1414Email: [email protected] 0845 634 7650Email [email protected]

Families Need FathersIf you are separating or divorced and areworried about not seeing your children - orworried about the effect the breakdown of yourrelationship might have on them, FamiliesNeed Fathers can provide you with the supportand information you need. Open to mothers,fathers, grandparents, new partners andextended families.

Helpline: 0300 0300 363www.fnf.org.uk

RelateRelate offers advice, relationship counselling,sex therapy, workshops, mediation, consulta-tions and support face-to-face, through onlinecounselling by phone and through their website.

Find out more 0300 100 1234

SamaritansIf you are in crisis, feel distressed or areperhaps thinking of suicide, Samaritans cangive you the time and space to talk about yourfeelings, help you explore your options andperhaps seek a way to face the future. Trainedvolunteers are available 24 hours a day,7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Helpline 01206 561234www.Samaritans.org

Open RoadReducing the harmful impact of drugs andalcohol on users, their families, partnersand society.

Call now on 0844 499 1323 to speakto someone in your area of Essex.

HELPLINES

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

29

If you need help and support to deal withan addiction or crisis, below are contactdetails for organisations dedicated toproviding support and advice for avariety of problems.

Page 30: Colchester 101

30

Dear Chris,

My heart sank when I saw that ITV is making a big-budget show for the Christmas season based around the nation’sfavourite ABBA song. There is more chance of them reforming in my back yard - and releasing a special flexi-disc with myterrier’s face on - than a truly interesting ABBA song winning this competition.

Clearly, the contenders are...

‘Waterloo’ (1974)Yes, it kick-started an amazing career, but it is Wizzard in drag. Very bad drag. And utterly representative of the mostaccessible glam-pop at that time.

‘Mamma Mia’ (1975)Intoxicatingly catchy Brill Building pop par excellence - but also the title of a “phenomenon” that brought us, perhaps,the worst movie of all time. Am I alone in being an ABBA fan that finds that film akin to being tortured? By largeStreisand-nailed rats with a fixation for cheese?

‘Dancing Queen’ (1976)According to Frida, the most beautiful thing she had ever heard, I agree, until the forty squillionth play of this strangelynon-disco, disco classic. And it really is a classic. However, a much over-played one that needs a few years of rest ina dark room with a very cold compress.

‘Take a Chance on Me’ (1978)This chuggingly fantastic song is also a victim of the Magic / Gold / Let’s not play new records culture that has beset usall for a few years now. Despite some shockingly sexy moments from Agnetha and Frida, this exists in an abyss ofseventies despond, only dragged out every other day for yet another ABBA documentary aiming totell ‘the truth’ about the Swedish supergroup. *sigh*

Your thoughts?All the bestEd

Despite being a pair ofColchestrians, Ed andChris have never actuallymet. Not even for gig atThe Twist. But they email eachother all the time about theirvery broad music tastes.

Colchester 101 has been givenpermission to reprint theirmessages. Oneupmanship?Yes, occasionally…

ABBA - ITV Special

Re: ABBA - ITV Special

Dear Ed,

Well, the truth is simple. Forget Pop and think high art. Shall I write a strong letter to ITV about it?You know that I eventually won out on the recycling boxes debacle?

ABBA have written some of the most bleak, nihilistic records ever recorded. If you can listen to ‘The Day Before youCame’ without a pang of regret for the life you missed out on, then you probably liked ‘Up’ for the dog jokes alone…Let’s remember that ABBA wrote in a foreign language. Therefore they are probably the only major groupwhose work grew better by the year, as their understanding of the use of English improved.

Their last few records were dismissed by a public who tired of a group that seemed to be hurtling towards early middleage and missed out on - literally - some of the greatest records ever made. I’ll give you three examples. Listen to themand better understand life as an adult. I shan’t prattle on anymore, as I will be here until the ITV show actually airs (andI’ve got those cupcakes to decorate for my Goddaughter).

So here they are…

‘Slipping Through my Fingers’ (1981)Any parent will weep. As you know, I had a kitten, and I cried at this song for thirty-five minutes after I finallyadmitted to myself that she’d grown into a cat. Anybody that doesn’t own this song should download it immediately.

‘Like an Angel Passing Through my Room’ (1981)The final song on ABBA’s final album. One of the sparest, bravest recordings ever made. Listening to this makes yourealise why music that isn’t considered classical should be given the name... The Sophie van Otter cover is equallyentrancing.

‘The Day Before you Came’ (1982)When this record only made number 32 in the charts I became a cynic, a position I have held for almost 30 years now.Quite simply the best record ever made, with a sparseness and elegance of tone never seen before. WhenI die, I want this song to be the one that is played at my funeral. I’ll tidy up those eulogy guidelines andsend them to you ASAP.

YoursChristopher

Dear Christopher

So, Mamma Mia, here I go again.

Oh, ITV viewers and voting public - please look beyond the obvious.Please. Or I shall sit outside your studios and sing Dancing Queen overand over again.

Actually, I’ve walked past the ITV studios. There are lots of peoplewith photos of Fern Britton in carrier bags behaving in a similarly strangefashion.

All the bestEd

Re: ABBA - ITV Special

Muso Pen Pals

Page 31: Colchester 101

31

Colchester 101 is the Colchester fanzine written by LOCAL people,for LOCAL people, about LOCAL people, LOCAL issues and LOCAL events,and some other pretty cool stuff thrown in too!!

AdvertisingOpportunities

INSIDE FRONT PAGEType area 270 (high) x 190mm (wide)Full Bleed 303 x 216mm(297 x 210mm type area)

SINGLE PAGEType area 270 x 190mmFull Bleed 303 x 216mm(297 x 210mm type area)

OUTSIDE BACK PAGEType area 270 x 190mmFull Bleed 303 x 216mm(297 x 210mm type area)

INSIDE-BACK PAGEType area 270 x 190mmFull Bleed 303 x 216mm(297 x 210mm type area)

HALF PAGE (landscape)Type area 133 x 190mm

QUARTER PAGE (portrait)Type area 133 x 93mm

EIGHTH PAGE (landscape)Type area 64 x 93mm

Advertorial FeaturesGet your business noticed

Colchester’s Access All Areas Fanzine

FREE

Issue 1 November 2010

The RealJohn Cooper Clarkeby Martin NewellA View from the Funny FarmSven Wombwell’sTales From the TellyHop Aboard the Scent TrainColchester United’sKem Izzet writesfor 101Full MonthlyEvents Guide

Pleasetake one

Colchester 101 is a fullcolour FREE A4 Colchesterfanzine bursting at theseams with local news,interviews, things to seeand do, reviews, music,theatre, sport and much,much more...

Contact: 01206 [email protected]

www.Colchester101.co.uk

AdvertiseWithColchester 101

Co

lch

este

r1

01

Co

lche

ster’s

Acce

ssA

llAre

asFan

zineNovember2010.www.Colch

ester101.co.uk

Page 32: Colchester 101

Economicrevival?Or just wishfulthinking?

Would a rebrand or corporateidentity makeover give your companya competitive edge?

Maybe it is time to refresh yourwebsite to make it truly work foryour business?

Do you want sales and marketingliterature that will really get you noticed?

Then talk to Tonic, Colchester’sgraphic design and creativecommunications specialists.

Your futuregrowth dependson effectivelypromoting yourbusiness.

The Studio, Tye Road, Colchester, Essex CO7 7BN. Email: [email protected]

Call today to find out how wecan help you take your business forward.

01206 544700www.TonicOnline.co.uk