collegian's issue 12, vol. 97

10
S ince joining Conference USA in 2005, The University of Tulsa has played in four Confer- ence USA championships, three of which were against the University of Central Florida. The Golden Hurricane met the UCF Knights for the most recent C-USA cham- pionship on a warm and blustery morning this Saturday in Tulsa’s Chapman Stadium. The game started with a series of unfortunate events for both teams, as UCF fumbled the open- ing kickoff and TU recovered on the UCF 32-yard line. But running back Alex Singleton fumbled on a fourth-and-one attempt, giving UCF the ball right back on their own eight-yard line. The Tulsa defense managed to push the Knights back to their own goal line before forcing a punt. The Hurricane offense then capi- talized on that defensive stand, as quarterback Cody Green con- nected with wide receiver Thomas Roberson for a 20-yard touchdown pass, giving the Golden Hurricane a 7–0 lead. UCF responded with a 10-play, 73-yard drive, capped by a throw by quarterback Blake Bortles to wide receiver Breshad Perriman in the back of the endzone for an 8-yard score, tying the game at seven with 14 minutes left in the second quarter. After several defensive stops by both teams, UCF and Bortles struck again in what was becom- ing a defensively dominated quar- ter, connecting with wide receiver Quincy McDuffie for another 8-yard touchdown pass. The Hurricane fired back with a seven-play, 75-yard touchdown drive, utilizing a seven-yard touchdown run from Singleton as the scoring punch. This was Sin- gleton’s 40th career touchdown as a Tulsa player, making him the all- time leader in touchdowns scored in TU history. With his 40th touchdown, Sin- gleton surpassed the record of for- mer TU running back Tarrion Ad- ams. Coincidentally, Adams was an integral part of the Hurricane team that defeated UCF for TU’s last C-USA championship win in 2005. A defensive stop by the Golden Hurricane gave the TU offense the ball back with 1:02 left in the half. With the help of a timely pass in- terference call against UCF, and a 32-yard pass from Green to Rob- erson with two seconds left in the half, the Golden Hurricane drove 80 yards for a touchdown in just over a minute. The touchdown drive was capped by a two-yard run by running back Ja’Terian Douglas, and Tulsa went into half- time leading 21 to 14. The third quarter was domi- nated completely by UCF, with its two touchdowns coming from the Knights. UCF running back Lata- vius Murray scored on a 2-yard touchdown run with 4:23 left in the quarter, but Tulsa blocked the ensuing extra point and the ball was scooped up by safety Marco Nelson. Nelson appeared to be headed for a 2-point score for the Golden Hurricane, but UCF holder Rob Calabrese furiously pursued Nel- son and brought him down just before the goal line. With 2:19 left in the quarter, Bortles scampered into the endzone from 28 yards out to give the Knights a 27–21 lead. Bortles was a running threat all game, bailing the Knights out of countless third-down conversions. The fourth quarter was as excit- ing as any this season. The mar- quee play was Trey Watts’ 54-yard punt return for a touchdown that tied the game and eventually sent the game into overtime. The punt landed near midfield, and UCF’s Kemal Ishmael batted the ball high in the air. The ball landed at the Tulsa 46 and was surrounded by UCF players. Watts then cleverly picked up the ball from the midst of the melee and raced 54 yards for the score, picking up a block from special teams player Derek Patter- son along the way. Knights coach George O’Leary said players told him they thought they heard a whistle to stop the play, but he said that was no ex- cuse. He said the only safe play in that situation is to pick up the ball and hand it to an official. “The kid (Ishmael) went up and smacked the ball, which is not real smart. If you’re going to do that, grab the ball,’’ O’Leary said after the game. TU Head Coach Bill Blanken- ship later commented on the play, “Once they touch the ball, there’s JAKE DODSON Student Writer In a thrilling overtime shootout, TU bested the University of Central Florida for the second time in three weeks, earning a conference championship and a rematch with Iowa State in the Liberty Bowl. Photo courtesy University of Tulsa Athletics C-USA CHAMPIONS Volunteers needed for Kendall-Whittier Gift Bag Filling Volunteers will fill gift bags for each of the 1,200 students at Kendall-Whittier Elementary on Wednesday, Dec. 17th, beginning at 8:30. The shuttle will take volunteers to the school from Bayless Plaza. For more details about this opportunity or other volunteer opportunities, contact Kathy Shelton in the True Blue Neighbor Volunteer Center at [email protected] or call 918-631-3535. See Champions page 2 a student newspaper of the university of tulsa december 3, 2010 issue 12 ~ volume 98 The last issue ever? See our extensive end-of-the-world coverage on page 4.

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The Collegian's 3 December 2012 Issue

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: Collegian's Issue 12, Vol. 97

Since joining Conference USA in 2005, The University of

Tulsa has played in four Confer-ence USA championships, three of which were against the University of Central Florida. The Golden Hurricane met the UCF Knights for the most recent C-USA cham-pionship on a warm and blustery morning this Saturday in Tulsa’s Chapman Stadium.

The game started with a series of unfortunate events for both teams, as UCF fumbled the open-ing kickoff and TU recovered on

the UCF 32-yard line. But running back Alex Singleton fumbled on a fourth-and-one attempt, giving UCF the ball right back on their own eight-yard line.

The Tulsa defense managed to push the Knights back to their own goal line before forcing a punt. The Hurricane offense then capi-talized on that defensive stand, as quarterback Cody Green con-nected with wide receiver Thomas Roberson for a 20-yard touchdown pass, giving the Golden Hurricane a 7–0 lead.

UCF responded with a 10-play, 73-yard drive, capped by a throw by quarterback Blake Bortles to wide receiver Breshad Perriman in the back of the endzone for an 8-yard score, tying the game at seven with 14 minutes left in the second quarter.

After several defensive stops by both teams, UCF and Bortles struck again in what was becom-ing a defensively dominated quar-ter, connecting with wide receiver Quincy McDuffie for another

8-yard touchdown pass. The Hurricane fired back with

a seven-play, 75-yard touchdown drive, utilizing a seven-yard touchdown run from Singleton as the scoring punch. This was Sin-gleton’s 40th career touchdown as a Tulsa player, making him the all-time leader in touchdowns scored in TU history.

With his 40th touchdown, Sin-gleton surpassed the record of for-mer TU running back Tarrion Ad-ams. Coincidentally, Adams was an integral part of the Hurricane team that defeated UCF for TU’s last C-USA championship win in 2005.

A defensive stop by the Golden Hurricane gave the TU offense the ball back with 1:02 left in the half. With the help of a timely pass in-terference call against UCF, and a 32-yard pass from Green to Rob-erson with two seconds left in the half, the Golden Hurricane drove 80 yards for a touchdown in just over a minute. The touchdown drive was capped by a two-yard

run by running back Ja’Terian Douglas, and Tulsa went into half-time leading 21 to 14.

The third quarter was domi-nated completely by UCF, with its two touchdowns coming from the Knights. UCF running back Lata-vius Murray scored on a 2-yard touchdown run with 4:23 left in the quarter, but Tulsa blocked the ensuing extra point and the ball was scooped up by safety Marco Nelson.

Nelson appeared to be headed for a 2-point score for the Golden Hurricane, but UCF holder Rob Calabrese furiously pursued Nel-son and brought him down just before the goal line. With 2:19 left in the quarter, Bortles scampered into the endzone from 28 yards out to give the Knights a 27–21 lead. Bortles was a running threat all game, bailing the Knights out of countless third-down conversions.

The fourth quarter was as excit-ing as any this season. The mar-quee play was Trey Watts’ 54-yard punt return for a touchdown that

tied the game and eventually sent the game into overtime. The punt landed near midfield, and UCF’s Kemal Ishmael batted the ball high in the air. The ball landed at the Tulsa 46 and was surrounded by UCF players. Watts then cleverly picked up the ball from the midst of the melee and raced 54 yards for the score, picking up a block from special teams player Derek Patter-son along the way.

Knights coach George O’Leary said players told him they thought they heard a whistle to stop the play, but he said that was no ex-cuse. He said the only safe play in that situation is to pick up the ball and hand it to an official.

“The kid (Ishmael) went up and smacked the ball, which is not real smart. If you’re going to do that, grab the ball,’’ O’Leary said after the game.

TU Head Coach Bill Blanken-ship later commented on the play, “Once they touch the ball, there’s

Jake DoDsonStudent Writer

In a thrilling overtime shootout, TU bested the University of Central Florida for the second time in three weeks, earning a conference championship and a rematch with Iowa State in the Liberty Bowl.

Photo courtesy University of Tulsa Athletics

C-USA ChAmpionS

Volunteers needed for Kendall-Whittier Gift Bag FillingVolunteers will fill gift bags for each of the 1,200 students at Kendall-Whittier Elementary on Wednesday, Dec. 17th, beginning at 8:30. The shuttle will take volunteers to the school from Bayless Plaza.For more details about this opportunity or other volunteer opportunities, contact Kathy Shelton in the True Blue Neighbor Volunteer Center at [email protected] or call 918-631-3535.

See Champions page 2

a student newspaper of the university of tulsa december 3, 2010 issue 12 ~ volume 98

The last issue ever? See our extensive end-of-the-world coverage on page 4.

Page 2: Collegian's Issue 12, Vol. 97

really no harm, no foul for us. Even if he ran and fumbled, it would go back to the origi-nal touching if we wanted it to ... Trey’s just a smart, smart, smart kid and a playmaker.’’

Tulsa kicker Daniel Schwarz’s extra-point kick was blocked, leaving the game tied at 27. After several possessions of solid defense from both teams, the game headed to overtime, after TU allowed time to run out on its last regulation possession.

Tulsa won the overtime coin toss and elected to play defense first, which proved to be a wise decision. The Hurricane held UCF on three plays, forcing the Knights to bring on kicker Shawn Moffitt, whose 38-yard attempt was blocked by Tulsa se-nior defensive lineman Cory Dorris. Once in possession, TU stuck to what it has done best lately: running the football.

Singleton was initially given a touch-

down on second-and-goal, prompting a massive celebration from Hurricane players and fans alike, but officials ruled upon re-viewing the replay that he was down inside the one yard line, provoking the ire of the Hurricane faithful.

That yard proved to be no problem for Singleton, though, who specializes in short-yardage goal-line situations. The Hurricane lined up and handed the ball to Singleton, who pounded it into the endzone, sealing the win for the Golden Hurricane, with a fi-nal score of 33–27.

“It’s pretty obvious whenever we get sev-en offensive linemen in and Big Al (Single-ton) back there that we’re going to come at you,” said Green, “and he’s going to hit you in your mouth.’’

Just after the Hurricane was handed the C-USA trophy, it accepted an invitation to play the Autozone Liberty Bowl on New

Year’s Eve in Memphis, Tenn, which will be a rematch with the Iowa State University Cyclones, who defeated TU in its first game of the season—one of three Tulsa losses this season. The game typically pits the C-USA champion against a team from the SEC, but this year, the SEC failed to produce enough bowl-eligible teams to fill its bid with the Liberty Bowl.

“We’re excited to be going to Memphis,’’ Blankenship said, “That’s big time.’’ Tul-

sa has not gone to the Liberty Bowl since 2005, when the Golden Hurricane last won the C-USA Championship, also over UCF.

Tulsa, led by quarterback Paul Smith, won that game over Fresno State. Tulsa will certainly hope for a repetition of his-tory, as a win over a marquee opponent in a recognizable bowl such as the Liberty Bowl would give TU a boost going into next sea-son, and send the Hurricane seniors out on a high note.

Sports the Collegian : 23 deCember 2012

Kalen Petersen / Collegian

J. Christopher Proctor / Collegian

FontsBerthold Akzidenz Grotesk (Regular, Medium Extended, Medium, Extra Bold Condensed), Times (Regular)

Images080827-F-4177H-958_2.jpg (CMYK; 348 ppi; 86.1%), ANG logo OKLAHOMA (dark bkgd).eps (18.21%), sm icons.ai (17.91%)

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8-10-2012 1:45 PM

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Tulsa defender Mark Boullt attempts a shot on goal in the sweet sixteen game against the San Diego Toreros. The 2–1 loss followed a victory against the University of South Florida, and ended the Hurricane’s two-game run in the NCAA Tournament.

men’s soccer loses sweet sixteen to San Diego

Think you ’Cane?

The 2012 season has come full circle. After defeating UCF a second time to claim the C-USA Championship, the Golden Hurricane earned a berth in the Liberty Bowl.

The team awaiting them is none other than Tulsa’s season opener, the Iowa State Cyclones. While ISU won the first meeting on its home field 38–23, there are reasons to believe the second game will look significantly different.

In the first meeting, Alex Singleton—a mainstay of the Hurricane offense for most of the season—received only three carries for one yard.

A more dynamic run game combined with the more experienced play of Cody Green should ensure the Hurricane team that takes the field in Memphis is considerably stronger than the storm that petered out over Ames in September.

Location: Ames, Iowa

Students: 31,000

Mascot: Cy the Cyclone

Record: 6–6

2011 Record: 6–7

Last Week: L to West Virginia 31–24

Last Meeting: 2012 ISU W 38–23

ACT 25th/75th: 22–28

Tulsa hurricane vs iowa State

From Champions page 1

Page 3: Collegian's Issue 12, Vol. 97

Sportsthe Collegian : 3 3 deCember 2012

Lance Armstrong was a childhood hero of mine. During his run at seven straight Tour de France titles, my father, brother and I be-came fascinated by the sport, like so many other Americans who had previously been unaware of its existence. My father and brother even spent a good bit of money on two Casati roads bikes and cycling gear.

Armstrong’s book “It’s Not about the Bike: My Journey Back to Life” was practi-cally required reading in my household. I’ll even admit that during some of those unin-spired moments are inevitable in an under-graduate student’s life, I will still go to You-Tube and find the Armstrong’s famous Nike “On my Bike” ad for a little extra motiva-tion. All that personal history might make you think that I’m either an Armstrong apol-ogist or his biggest opponent, but nothing could be further from the truth.

The truth is I’m probably somewhere between those two extremes or not on that continuum at all. I’m simply disappointed. Armstrong demonstrated a fact of life to me that I imagine most of us eventually have to face: that our heroes are seldom, if ever, as epic as we made them out to be. I would like to think this disillusionment is why ev-eryone else is so upset with Armstrong, but I have my doubts.

It’s hard to say how many friends Arm-strong made in the world of sports journal-ism. Despite the recent narrative we have seen on the news, his was never a typical all-American underdog story. In reality, he has always possessed an arrogant assurance in his own abilities. This arrogance hasn’t done him any favors over the years of dop-ing trials and scandal. No—it seemed there was at least a small bit of Schadenfreude from journalists and former opponents dur-ing his Miltonian fall from grace.

So why were we so drawn to this flawed character in the first place? Armstrong’s career elevated a relatively obscure sport to one of the most popular in the country. Because of him, cycling doesn’t feel out of place at the top of ESPN broadcasts. We fell in love with Armstrong was because he was living proof of what basketball coach Jim-my V famously said: “Don’t ever give up!”

When Armstrong was hospitalized with cancer, doctors told him he had around a 40 percent chance of survival. However, it was revealed in his book that this may have an overestimation on the doctors’ part in hopes of just keeping his spirits high. Other medi-cal professionals have said his real chance of survival was probably closer to 20 per-cent, if not lower.

His mere survival would have been a tri-umph of modern medicine and the human spirit, but he went far beyond that: after re-covering from stage-three testicular cancer, which had spread to his lungs, brain and abdomen, Armstrong won seven Tours de France.

Armstrong’s story was so captivating be-cause it was personal for so many people. He wasn’t just an undersized player with a big heart defeating bigger, better and faster opponents. He was a man fighting a dis-ease that has destroyed so many friends and loved ones. His story was not athlete against athlete, but man against a much more nebu-lous and deadly opponent.

Why am I only disappointed in Lance

Armstrong and not furious? Why am I not enraged that I bought into this against-all-odds story? I’m disappointed because Lance Armstrong never gave up—until he did. Instead of taking a stand, either facing the music and admitting that he used per-formance enhancing drugs or fighting these accusations until the bitter end, Armstrong refused to fight the U.S. Anti-Doping Agen-cy’s charges.

While that refusal wasn’t necessarily an admission of guilt, it is the closest he could come without actually admitting wrongdo-ing. In one moment, he destroyed everything that he made us believe. He said “enough is enough.” He threw in the white towel. He went home to rest among his seven gold jer-seys, and he hid behind the well-being of his family as an excuse.

I don’t care that he used human growth hormone or other performance-enchancing drugs. Almost every other cyclist did. I’m disappointed because Armstrong made me, and so many others, believe that the only thing stopping me from greatness was my-self, that long odds were no obstacle to the human spirit.

Even if had admitted to doping, that much of his story would always be true. He might lose his titles, but he would always be the man that never gave up against cancer.

Now, after his odd withdrawal, all of us are left with an enigmatic figure and ques-

tions. How do we deal with a man who was a cheater but also raised public awareness and millions of dollars to fight cancer?

How should we feel about a man who has given us so much hope but has also lied to us so blatantly? These are questions we should never have to ask about our child-hood heroes.

Armstrong’s fall from grace leaves fans disenchanted

nick LeweLLenStudent Writer

Lance Armstrong has lost his seven Tour de France titles due to uncontested allegations of doping, causing the public to question what it was, beyond the titles, that made Armstrong their hero.

The magnificent seven of the cross coun-try team, seniors Andrew Heyes and Paulo Pinheiro, junior Chris O’Hare, sophomores Danny Thater, Dennis Hodapp and Tim Rackers and freshman Marc Scott, won their third straight Conference USA cham-pionship November 17th.

Since joining C-USA in 2005, the Uni-versity of Tulsa men’s team has won many C-USA Championships or placed in the top three teams. In a glorious season full of achievements, the entire team set per-sonal bests and broke into the top 10 in the coaches’ rankings. Tulsa Head Coach Steve Gulley said “We’re ecstatic,” after the win.

In final rankings for the U.S. Track &

Field and Cross Country Coaches Asso-ciation Division I Men’s Cross Country National Coaches’ Poll, the TU men were ranked No. 7. This is the highest ranking yet achieved by a TU men’s cross country team. Earlier this season, the TU men were ranked No. 9 by this same ranking system.

The TU men also finished seventh at the NCAA Championships at Tom Sawyer State Park in Louisville, Ky. Led by O’Hare with a personal best 10K time of 29:46.4, all five members of the team who scored finished in the top-100 runners.

Other personal records for this race in-cluded Heyes with a time of 30:10.7, Scott with a time of 30:39.3, Thater with a time of 30:40.5 and Rackers with a time of 31:00.7.

O’Hare was also honored as an All-American cross country runner for his 20th place finish. The top-40 finishers at the NCAA championships were all named All-Americans. This is his third overall honor as an All-American, but his first in cross coun-try rather than track.

After an astounding season, the Hurricane men finish in seventh place at the NCAA cross country championship.

men’s cross country 7th at nCAA Championship

Beate HaLLStudent Writer

The University of Tulsa women’s volleyball team became Conference USA champions after defeating the University of Central Florida Knights 3–0 (25–15, 25–19, 25–17) on Nov. 18, advancing to the NCAA tourna-ment, where it was knocked out in the first round by the University of Florida Gators.

The C-USA Championship tournament was hosted in Tulsa at the Donald W. Reyn-olds Center. The Golden Hurricane defeated opponents Southern Methodist University, the University of Alabama at Birmingham and the UCF Knights, three sets to none.

The championship win meant that the Hurricane would participate in the NCAA Tournament for the third consecutive year. Senior Tyler Henderson was also named the C-USA Player of the Year for the third straight year.

Henderson was also named the tourna-ment MVP, and, setting a tournament re-cord, averaged 7.94 points per frame during

the Golden Hurricane’s three matches. Senior Jessica Adams was also named the

C-USA Libero of the Year for the second consecutive year, joining only three other C-USA players to earn the title two years in a row.

The Golden Hurricane then traveled to Gainesville, Fla. to face the No. 15-seeded Gators in the first round of the NCAA Tour-nament on Friday. The Gators were the SEC regular season champions.

In the game, the Golden Hurricane de-fended vigorously, with senior libero Jessi-ca Adams tallying 15 digs. Despite this, TU fell 3–0 (25–9, 25–21, 25–21) to the Gators.

The game marked the end of the careers of seniors Jessica Adams, Jordan Clampitt, Tyler Henderson, Shelbi Pitcher and Diana Silva. Henderson graduates as the NCAA all-time leader in kills during the 25-point rally-scoring era, with 2,525 career kills, and Adams leaves as the first player in school history to record 500 digs in four seasons, also setting the single-season record at TU with 680 digs this year, for a career-total of 2,437 digs.

This senior class is the winningest class in TU history, with 111 victories in its ca-reer. It is also the first class to make it to the NCAA Tournament three times, and the first class to win an NCAA Championship match.

The Hurricane volleyball team dominated the C-USA Championship Tournament, but was knocked out of the NCAA tournament in the first round by Florida.

Volleyball wins C-USA Championship

amanDa scHenkStudent Writer

Collegian file photos

The volleyball team dominated the C-USA Championship and defended strongly in the NCAA Tournament after a remarkable season, especially for the senior class.

J. Christopher Proctor / Collegian

TU Athletic Director Ross Parmley is on paid leave after he admitted to FBI investigators that he gambled through bookie and alleged criminal Teddy Mitchell in Oklahoma City prior to 2010. NCAA rules prohibit gambling by athletic department employees, and the university has announced that it will cooperate with the NCAA investigation.

TU athletic director under scrutiny for gambling

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Reading days are December 4th and 5th

Finals are December 6th through the 13th

Commencement is Commencement is on December 15th

Have a great break!

Page 4: Collegian's Issue 12, Vol. 97

From the Romans’ expectation that their great city would fall ex-actly 120 years after its founding to the multiple rapture dates re-cently predicted by fundamentalist preacher Harold Camping, history has rarely been short on apocalyp-tic predictions.

So it is not surprising that some have latched on to a claim that Dec. 21, 2012, as the last day of the Mayan long count calendar, marks the end of the world. In anticipa-tion of the purported end date, the Collegian has interviewed profes-sors and students at the University of Tulsa to learn more about the Mayan calendar and the end of the world.

Did the Mayans Think the End Is Near?

Did the Mayans actually mean to predict the end of the world? No, says Dr. Andrew Wood, TU’s Stan-ley Rutland Professor of American History, who has spent more than 20 years researching Mexican his-tory.

“Scholars help us appreciate that the Maya developed a com-plex and highly sophisticated … civilization,” said Wood. “The very few surviving Maya texts … reveal a particular interest in time and the dating of events.” Dec. 21, 2012, is a part of the highly math-ematical structure of the Mayan calendar.

“Ideas of cataclysmic change …

come not so much from the Maya but from literature created during the colonial period,” says Wood.

As an example, Wood cites the Chilam Balam, a “fairly shoddy work of cultural anthropology” from the Spanish colonial era containing 13 end-time prophe-cies that mention such disasters as “Earthquakes, drought, pestilence, bad government and other difficul-ties.”

In other words, expecting cata-clysmic events at the end of the Mayan calendar is an old mis-conception, but a misconception nonetheless.

The End Is Near?

Mohammed Alsalmi, an Omani student and follower of the Ibadi tradition of Islam, believes we live in the end times, but not because of the Mayan calendar. He described a prophecy in the Hadith, collec-tions of sayings or actions attrib-uted to the prophet Mohammed, regarding the signs of the end.

Most of the book’s “minor signs” of the end times—Arabs building skyscrapers, widespread wars, the global acceptance of drinking and usury, the glorifica-tion of entertainers, and a general lack of virtue—are occurring to-day, Alsalmi said.

After the minor signs come the major signs, which include the return of figures like Jesus Christ and Al Madhi, the “twelth Imam” to the to Earth. The end of the world culminates in a series of natural disasters such as moun-tains dissolving into dust, and ul-

timately the purging of the wicked from the universe.

When asked about the end of

the world, Christian Brian Crowder quot-

ed Matthew 24: 46: “No one knows the day nor the hour (of the end), not even

the angels in heaven nor the Son, but the Father.”

Indeed, most Christians interviewed expressed a hesita-

tion in attempting to explain the end times. Roman Catholic Mar-cia Jolly, for instance, agreed with Christian Scripture that the world would end in the second coming of Christ to Earth, but said she “(didn’t) know for sure” whether to interpret literally such scriptural details as the stars falling from the sky and the Euphrates river drying up.

“Christian teaching is quite clear about how things began, [but it] is more nebulous about how – and especially when things end,” said TU’s Warren Professor of Catholic Studies, Dr. Francis Hit-tinger. “In fact, Christian scripture does not say precisely whether the final consummation takes place ‘in’ time at all.”

“(Christ) severely admonished those who would try to know or to predict such an ‘end,’” said Hit-tinger. The quick relief of a sud-den, dated apocalypse, he said, “is not promised by authentic Christi-anity.”

Hittinger did say that Christ “preached vigilance, patience and fidelity” in anticipation of his sec-ond coming, the consummation of the corporeal universe, and the glorification of the saints.

Sharp Chaplain Dr. Robert Francis underscored the positive nature of the Christian understand-ing of the apocalypse. “Many peo-ple focus on the idea of judgment,” he said, “but for Christians it is the idea of being drawn into closeness of our Lord.” Francis did, how-ever, acknowledge that the judg-ment of the unjust was a part of the Christian end times doctrine.

Francis also said that the apoca-lypse would be “beyond time but (intersect) with time and history.”

The End Is Coming...Eventually

Physics professor Jerry McCoy of-fered another perspective on what will happen to the universe. “Vari-ous faith communities have their own ideas (about the end of the world),” he said, “but when comes to science it is all about what the laws dictate.”

The laws of physics dictate some rather cataclysmic changes for the Earth in the far distant fu-ture.

Assuming that they find a way to sustain themselves indefinite-ly on Earth’s resources, the first problem the Earth’s inhabitants will face is the collision of the Milky Way Galaxy with the An-dromeda Galaxy some several bil-lion years in the future. The new galaxy formed by this collision has been nicknamed the “Milkomeda” galaxy.

While the merging of the two galaxies will not cause any direct collisions between stars, the re-sulting change gravitational forces could have some catastrophic ef-fects. The gravitational influence of new neighbor stars could alter

the orbits of the Earth or other nearby planets.

Astronomers have recently dis-covered a planet hundreds of light years away that was completely knocked out of its orbit by similar phenomena. Needless to say, even a more subtle change in Earth’s orbit would cause catastrophic cli-mate change.

Should life on Earth survive the formation of the Milkomeda gal-axy, it would soon find itself fac-ing the next stage of our sun’s life cycle as a medium-sized star. The sun will turn into a red giant, ex-panding to consume the Earth.

By the time the sun has shed its newly acquired outer layers, becoming an Earth-sized white dwarf, the Earth as we know it will be gone.

Should the human race some-how survive the death of our sun, it would have to deal with what sci-ence fiction author Isaac Asimov famously referred to as “the last question”—the heat death of the universe.

In understanding the ultimate fate of the universe, scientists have been faced with one central ques-tion: will the universe continue ex-panding indefinitely as it has since it began in the Big Bang, or will it eventually collapse under its own weight in what some have called the “big crunch”?

McCoy compared the expansion of the universe to the motion of a ball thrown in the air. While every ball a person throws in the air will eventually fall back to Earth, it is possible, however, to throw a ball in the air fast enough that it es-capes the Earth’s gravitational pull and travels away from the planet indefinitely. These two possibili-ties represent the “big crunch” and universal expansion theories.

Observations by astronomers in the last 10 to 15 years show not only that the universe will not stop expanding but, surprisingly, that the rate at which it is expanding is increasing. The universe’s gal-axies are accelerating away from each other and may continue to do so indefinitely.

The universe’s stars are also in trouble. Ten billion years ago, stars were being formed at a rate equiv-alent to ten of our suns per year. Now, stars are being formed at a rate equivalent to one to two of our suns per year. This rate of change is expected to continue.

Worse still, the universe is run-ning out of the stuff stars are made of. Trillions of years from now, all

but the smallest of stars will have entered their death throes. “You won’t see stars anymore,” said McCoy. “You’ll just see dying em-bers.”

That assumes that you can see anything. At the rate the universe is expanding, other galaxies will eventually be moving away from ours faster than their light can approach it. “We’ll be left with a puddle of stars from the Milky Way, but nothing else,” McCoy said.

So What If It’s the End of the World?

“Maybe,” mused freshman Mi-cheal Shrag about the possible end of the world in 2012. “It’s going to die on the inside, at least. Ev-eryone is going to realize exactly what is wrong with the world at the same time and all hope will die.”

“I think (the Mayan calendar theory) is just an excuse for peo-ple to have parties,” sophomore Nicole Coppola, said.

Whatever motivations people may have for believing or disbe-lieving theories about the end of the world, one problem remains—whether or not the nature of the end of the world matters to the ev-eryday person.

Sophomore Parker Shirley ex-plained his feelings about the end of the world in terms of finals; he knows it’s coming, and it’s easy to stress out about it, but in the end it is more prudent to remain calm.

Or, as senior J. L. Calderwood said, “It doesn’t concern me, be-cause it won’t end in my lifetime.”

McCoy disagrees with such a perspective. “The average person should not be worried that the ultimate fate of the universe is somehow going to inconvenience them in the here and now,” he said. “However, I think most of human-ity shares an interest in where we came from and where we are go-ing in this agreeable state called ‘existence.’”

neWS the Collegian : 23 deCember 2012

While the Mayan calendar may predict that the end of the world is nigh, the University of Tulsa, at least, will go out with a literal bang. Fireworks will follow a show that includes everything from student-written poetry to song and dance.

Many of the events are hosted by the Henry Kendall College of Arts and Sciences, but students from all the colleges are involved.

Technically, Dec. 21 is the pre-dicted doomsday, but the date 12-12-12, when students will still be on campus, simply made more sense to the organizers.

The main portion of the cel-ebration will be a show centered around death and new life, led by Professor Jessica Vokoun. The show will include dance numbers directed and choreographed by students and professors. There will be skits, dramatic scenes and some

original works as well. Students and professors alike have been working hard with nightly rehears-als in preparation for the show.

During the show, the overarch-ing theme of death, life and the apocalypse will be explored. Ju-nior Kaedi Love summarized: “It’s a collaborative work with Shake-speare scenes, original mono-logues, and dance scenes. People with different areas of talent all coming together to do what they love.”

Physics professor Jerry McCoy is heading up a group of science and engineering students. “(We are) collectively calling ourselves the ‘BrainTrust’,” McCoy said. This group is participating in the main gallery with a piece entitled “Time for the Cosmos.” McCoy summarized “Time” as “dealing with the evolution of humanity’s (scientific) understanding of time and our place in the cosmos over the millennia.”

Pieces of photography and ty-pography will be displayed the evening of Dec. 12 in the Lorton Performance Center as a part of the goings-on.

Outside of the main celebration, individual professors will be host-ing various events. These events are a part of the 12-12-12 celebra-tion, though not a part of the Dec. 12 gallery.

Professor Roger Mailler of the computer science department and his students will be hosting a zom-bie computer game demonstration. Games will be available on Dec. 12 from 12:12 to 3 p.m. in Rayzor Hall’s upstairs computer lab.

The students of both Dr. Grant Jenkins, an associate professor of English, and Dr. Bruce Willis, the dean of the language department, will present original poetic works the afternoon of Dec. 12th in a po-etry slam in the Allen Chapman Activity Center. The poetry will be presented in both English and Spanish.

The TU Physics Journal Club will be reviewing a Scientific American article about 12-21-12 on Dec. 11. The article examines the Mayans and the scientific per-spective on the end of the world.

McCoy is also participating in an audio piece for Studio Tulsa a program, which will air Dec. 21.

on KWGS, Tulsa’s public radio station.

The “12-12-12” performances will begin at 7 p.m. on, Dec. 12,

in the Lorton Performance Center. Following a new trend for large campus events, there will be fire-works after the show.

Theatre production will focus on endings, new beginnings

Beate HaLLStudent Writer

Is the end here?

conor FeLLinStudent Writer

TU students and faculty share on the Mayan calendar and the end of the world as we know it.

Students, departments collaborate to produce this years cataclysm-themed performance.

12-12-12 will include events in addition to the Wednesday performance. Visual art will be hung in a gallery display and poetry will be read in ACAC on Wednesday afternoon.

Graphic courtesy of Devinn Parks

Page 5: Collegian's Issue 12, Vol. 97

This year will mark the 16th annu-al Student Research Colloquium, open to all students, from April 1-6 in the Allen Chapman Activity Center.

Hope Geiger, Senior Admis-sions and Student Services Coor-dinator, said the Colloquium is an opportunity for students “to gain public speaking experience, learn about research from fields outside their own academic discipline, and experience judging methods used by professional organizations for

national and international confer-ences.”

The Colloquium gives under-graduate, graduate and law stu-dents at TU a chance to present their research in a multi-disciplin-ary environment. The first such Colloquium was held in 1998. Geiger says that it has “grown from a one-session event with six participants into a week-long event (with) an average of 125 stu-dent presentations.”

Students may enter the oral pre-sentation sessions (all topics), the college poster competition (all topics), the community service symposium, or the additional spe-cial topic symposia (topics to be announced). Students can enter more than one competition as long as the presentations are not identi-cal. Group presentations are also welcome in all events.

Environmental Science

CaNaDa, OlD MaSSETT

The village of Old Massett in the Haida Gwaii islands of British Colombia has faced criticism for spending $2 million dollars to dump more than 100 tons of iron sulfate into the Pacific Ocean.

The project, undertaken by the Haida Salmon Restoration Corp, a city-owned entity, and pushed by American Businessman Russ George, is supposed to increase the salmon stock in the surround-ing waters, thereby giving a boost to the primary economic engage-ment of the city.

In theory, the iron sulfate will cause an algal bloom which will feed the salmon. In addition, the algae will sequester carbon di-oxide before falling to the ocean floor, where it will be buried.

The American and Canadian governments, the Haida Nation, and eminent scientists from Brit-ish Columbia and California have criticized the company for not openly reporting its activities and for wreaking untold havoc on far-reaching ecosystems.

aerospace

ENglaND, abINgDON

Researchers at Reaction Engines Ltd. have developed a hybrid jet-rocket engine. At speeds up to Mach 5 and within the atmo-sphere, the lightweight engine uses a high-speed heat exchanger to cool friction-heated air from 1000 degrees Celsius to -150 C in 1/100 of a second.

This allows it to be lighter than current jet engines, which have to be constructed out of very durable materials to withstand high heat, and run off of the air present in the atmosphere, unlike a rocket engine.

Current rocket engines must run off of a stored tank of oxygen and therefore expend a large portion of their fuel to get the rest of the fuel off of the ground.

A hybrid engine allows for the speeds needed to exit the atmo-sphere and removes the need for an internal oxygen tank within the atmosphere.

Materials Engineering

USa, bOSTON

NBD Nano, a startup named af-ter the Namib Dessert Beetle, is working on a self-filling water bottle patterned after the shell of its namesake. The beetle harvests water from the air with alternating hydrophilic, water attracting, and hydrophobic, water repelling, sec-tions of its shell.

In a similar way a self-filling water bottle would use nano-coat-

ings to condense water out of the air and move it to a central core. Other technologies the start-up is investigating are dehumidification technologies for both residential and military use, and water collec-tion for third world nations. They are planning for a release in 2015.

Computer Science

USa, OakrIDgE

The supercomputer Titan, housed at the Oakridge National Laborato-ry, has been ranked as the world’s fastest computer. It recently beat out Sequoia, an IBM computer housed at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California.

Unlike Sequoia, Titan is an open computer, which means that researchers can bid for time on it.

Additionally, about half of Ti-tan’s 37,376 processors are graph-ics processing units, unlike the tra-ditional central processing units.

GPUs were originally devel-oped to handle video games, which are the most complicated applications most home comput-ers will ever run.

The GPUs do require that re-searchers tweak their code to some extent, but the dominance of Titan, and 60 other computers on a top 500 list indicate that researchers are going to have to increasingly program for GPUs if they want to make use of the world’s ever-growing processing power.

South america

brazIl

Thousands of people took to the streets of Rio de Janeiro last Mon-day to protest a bill that plans to redistribute oil profits more equal-ly among Brazil’s 26 states.

Governor Sergio Cabral and Mayor Eduardo Peas of Rio, who orchestrated the mass protest, esti-mated that their state, which holds 80 percent of the country’s oil re-serves, would lose close to $1.7 billion in the upcoming year alone if President Dilma Rousseff were to ratify the bill. The revenue loss

would have a significant impact on the city’s plans to host the 2014 World Cup and the 2016 Summer Olympics.

“This oil is ours to guarantee our future,” Luis Santos, a Rio de Janeiro resident, said.

Non-oil-producing states that support the bill would, conversely, see a tripling of their oil royalties from seven to 21 percent by 2013.

Europe

bElgIUM

The European Milk Board coordi-nated a two-day protest in Brussels consisting of nearly 2,500 farmers from across the European Union to protest the high milk quotas and low prices they claim were putting

small farmers out of business.The current quota of 130 mil-

lion tons of milk is too much for EU’s consumption, they say, and the cost of producing milk in some countries is almost double that of its market price.

Demonstrators blockaded the streets with tractors and sprayed gallons of fresh milk on the po-lice and bystanders in front of the parliament building. Stacks of hay and tires were burned throughout the night.

asia

SOUTh kOrEa

After presidential candidate Ahn Cheol-Soo left the race to consoli-date liberal votes, South Korea’s

two main presidential hopefuls, Park Geun-hye of the majority Saenuri Party and Moon Jae-in of the Democratic United Party, are running neck and neck according to recent polls for the upcoming elections in December.

Park is the daughter of Park Chung-hee, who ruled South Ko-rea for 18 years until he was killed in 1979, and would become the first woman South Korean presi-dent should she be elected.

Moon, whose father is a refugee from North Korea, has attacked Park’s family background, claim-ing her incapable of understanding the problems of ordinary people.

Kim Jun-seok, a political sci-ence professor of Dongguk Uni-versity, predicted a difficult cam-paign. “People will split between the ‘pro-growth’ generation that supports Park Chung-hee and the ‘pro-distribution’ generation that supports Roh Moo-hyun,” Kim said.

africa

EgypT

Hundreds of thousands of Egyp-tians protested in Cairo against President Mohamed Morsi’s self-declaration granting him judi-cial immunity on any decision he makes on “issues of sovereignty.”

Morsi, who has been in power since June, assures that these mea-sures would be temporary but maintains that they were neces-sary to protect the revolution and Egypt’s transition to democracy.

Opponents of the president say

that Morsi had no legal author-ity to make such a decree in the first place. “This declaration is void and obsolete. It has no legal or constitutional basis. There has never been such a decree in Egyp-tian history since the pharaohs,” Atef Gad, a lawyer, said in the streets near Tahrir Square.

So far, only one person has died during the protests—from inhaling tear gas—but hundreds of others were injured.

Middle East

palESTINE

Despite criticism from Israel and the United States, the United Na-tions has upgraded Palestine to a non-member observer status.

138 countries voted in favor of recognizing a Palestinian state, nine countries voted against, and 41 others abstained.

The acknowledgement allows Palestine admittance into some UN agencies along with the In-ternational Criminal Court and indirectly recognizes Palestine’s claims on the West Bank, East Je-rusalem and Gaza Strip.

“Today’s unfortunate and coun-ter-productive resolution places further obstacles in the path to peace. That is why the United States voted against it,” U.S. am-bassador Susan Rice said imme-diately after the votes were an-nounced.

The thousands gathered in the West Bank to await the outcome of the vote erupted in cheers as they heard the news.

neWSthe Collegian : 3 3 deCember 2012

Eye on the world:

magDaLena suDiBJoStudent Writer

kimBerLy PoFFStudent Writer

Under the microscope:Nov. 20

1:00 p.m.

Officers were called by a member of the MSA for a larceny of a lap-top. Members reported that they would get the video and see if they had video of the suspect.

10:50 p.m.

Officers conducted a pedestrian check on a female at Stephenson Hall. The female had two out-standing warrants for Domestic Violence. TPD was contacted and transported the female off campus.

Nov. 22

2:00 a.m.

Officers received a complaint about a reckless driver on campus. Security officers observed the ve-hicle and made contact with the student driver. The witness filled out a statement and officers took a report.

2:45 a.m.

Officers were dispatched to a party shutdown. This was the second time officers were called to this apartment for a noise complaint. Officers shut the party down and completed a student misconduct report.

1:25 p.m.

Officers received a call for a hit and run accident. The victim stat-ed he parked his vehicle between 16 and 22 Nov 2012 and when he returned he noticed his vehicle damaged.

Officers located another vehicle in the parking lot with damaged that matched up to the victims. Officers were not able to make contact with the suspect.

Nov. 24

9:35 p.m.

Officers observed a vehicle driv-ing without headlight on.

Officers conducted a traffic stop with the student and during the contact the driver failed to put the vehicle in park and the car rolled back and made contact with the se-curity vehicle. There was no dam-age to the security vehicle.

Nov. 25

9:52 a.m.

A student reported that an employ-ee was mowing grass in the area and a rock was thrown from the mower and busted her apartment window.

5:15 p.m.

A student reported that she was being harassed by a former boy-friend. Officers took a report and advised the student to file a report with TPD.

The Collegian does not produce or edit the Campus Crime Watch ex-cept for content and brevity.

April will see 16th annual research colloquium

cara DuBLinStaff Writer

TU’s annual research colloquium hosts student research, opportunity to be introduced to other fields of study.

Four levels of cash prizes are awarded for best presentation: first prize at $250, second at $200, third place at $150, and three Honorable Mentions at $100 each.

But what to submit? Accord-ing to its guidelines, the Collo-quium accepts “original research or scholarship that you may be conducting, work that you have already submitted for a classroom project during previous semesters, or work in progress.” Since this is not solely for the sciences, “re-search does not have to be experi-mentally based.”

All topics are acceptable for submission, which means that any student is eligible to get valuable experience presenting at an aca-demic conference without leaving Tulsa.

The Colloquium is not exclu-sive, and students may also pres-ent a topic, piece or idea that has been or will be presented at an outside conference if they feel that they need additional practice at

public speaking.Any student may submit ab-

stracts online, or, starting in March, may view this year’s ses-sion schedules at utulsa.edu/re-search_colloquium. The submis-sions are grouped by discipline, presenting various areas of interest to explore.

Presenters are chiefly TU stu-dents, about one-third of them un-dergraduates, the rest graduate and law students, but this year partici-pants from OU-Tulsa are hosting the poster competition.

Additionally, the Colloquium sometimes plays host to other aca-demic organizations—last year, it co-hosted the American Associa-tion of Science’s regional meeting, which will return to the event in 2015. “We invite off-campus par-ticipants and attendees,” Geiger said.

The Colloquium does not center around one specific theme in order to let students “from any discipline submit their research, regardless

of topic,” Geiger said. “We have submissions from students in ev-ery college—AS, BUS, ENS, Law, Grad—for both oral and poster presentations, so the topics are varied.”

Non-presenting undergraduates are encouraged to come and hear this local kaleidoscope of research and inquiry from across the fields.

Attending the conference can open a new area of the academic world to any student, and attend-ees have the chance to support their classmates and friends who present original work. Students can also volunteer to help run the Colloquium behind the scenes—about half of the volunteers are undergraduates, and many other students help to run the panel ses-sions as chairs or participate as student judges.

Abstracts for submissions are due by Feb. 14. Questions about participation may be addressed to: [email protected]

Page 6: Collegian's Issue 12, Vol. 97

variety the Collegian : 63 deCember 2012

It seems the end of the semester has snuck up on me, as it always does. And as usual, I am stressed out to my breaking point, too busy to be thinking much about emo-tional closure. Unlike most years, though, the end of my semester does not just mean a temporary halt to classes and a brief hiatus from campus life.

This year, as I return home from study abroad in Ireland, the semester’s end marks the conclu-sion of a wondrous and harrowing adventure. It is the end of an era, and a shocking return to “normal” (though suspect that “normalcy” will feel alien for a good while).

The significance of this time will become less murky with a lit-tle perspective, but even now I can sense that I have learned a lot and changed a good deal more.

I have learned about people; I can tell you firsthand what an adaptable species we are, and how much comfort we take in habit.

I can also say that first impres-sions of people are often wrong, and sometimes there is nothing but an accent standing in your way of connecting with a fellow human.

I have learned about art and pas-sion; about creation under pres-sure, about spectacular failure and about pure exhaustion.

But perhaps most important-ly, I have learned about myself: strengths I had not fully crystal-lized, and weaknesses I had not fully understood. I have learned that I am both terribly ignorant and extraordinarily capable. I have also experienced the practical ben-efits of having short hair.

The funny thing about assimi-lating yourself into another culture is that it makes you appreciate the heritage and nation that you always took for granted. Do you know how hard it is to actually explain Native American history to someone with no prior knowl-edge of the subject? It makes you feel like a terrible emissary, yet it is so easy to forget that not every-one shares your understanding of the world.

Immersion makes you realize that every culture has a compli-cated relationship with its own history, and sometimes that his-tory produces great dark spots on society’s frock.

In my time here, I have learned that it is OK to be American; for every bit of bad rap we get, we also have wonderful things to be proud of.

I am an American, and I am loud and expressive and ambitious and friendly and proud. I never thought I would say that, but it is true.

I love Ireland, and there are many parts of its culture I will dearly miss, but I have my own country to have a fond and com-plex relationship with.

And amidst it all, I love TU. I am blessed that I go to a school that offers me such a wonderful and utterly unique opportunity to go immerse myself in theater in Dublin, and then welcome me back as a totally changed person. I would not trade my education at the Gaiety School for anything, but it has also made me realize just how great I have it back in Tulsa.

A part of my heart will always be in Dublin. But I will be so hap-py to be home.

anna BennettStudent Writer

Since the passing of its drummer, the late great John Bonham, in 1980, Led Zeppelin has been vir-tually frozen in time. Its final stu-dio album, “Coda,” was comprised of outtakes from early years, and everything since has been either live recordings from the 1970s or compilation albums. There were a couple of miniature reunion con-certs between the three remaining members throughout the 1980s, but they were blasted both by crit-ics and the members themselves as “atrocities.” It all makes Zepplin’s new live release, “Celebration Day,” feel historic—it is the first time listen-ers get to hear the band on record since Bonham’s death (son Jason Bonham plays drums) in a grandi-ose, one-off reunion concert that filled England’s O2 stadium. The concert, which took place in 2007, was both filmed and au-dio-recorded, but its release was troublesome—the band members openly worried it would be too big a project to put together. Luck-ily for fans, they decided to finish production and release what is ul-timately a triumphant closing act in this storied band’s career. Rock musicians do not often age well—anyone who saw The Who butcher the 2010 Super Bowl half-time show can attest to that. So understandably, there was concern that this reunion may turn out as poorly as the previous ones. But from the opening notes of the clas-sic “Good Times, Bad Times,” it is obvious that this album is genuine. Apparently disturbed by earlier failed attempts, Zeppelin report-edly practiced for months for this one show, wanting to make sure everything was just right.

Still, this is not the same band as fans are used to—it is a different group than the one that often took 20-minute versions of their songs or allegedly slipped reverse mes-sages into their lyrics. This is not a bad thing, necessarily, and for fans that want the old sound, there are plenty of tribute bands who will play the records note-for-note. In-stead, “Celebration Day” shows an older, more mature-sounding Led Zeppelin—which has its benefits and drawbacks.Firstly, and most obviously, Rob-ert Plant does not have the same voice that he had 35 years ago. This is the biggest difference be-tween now and then, as many of the songs had to be taken down into a different key to enable Plant to hit the notes. This can be a little unnerving, most noticeably on “Stairway to Heaven,” which is so iconic that change feels cringe-worthy.With that exception, though, the altered keys gradually become just another idiosyncrasy of the album. And it is not as though Plant has a bad voice—remember, this was the same year he won a Grammy for Best Album alongside folk singer Allison Krauss—but he does sound like a completely dif-ferent singer, which brings an in-teresting element to many of the songs.

Otherwise, there are not too many slip-ups. Jason Bonham fills in ably for his late father— and as hard as it is to walk in giant’s shoes—and most fans will not be bothered by the change. Jimmy Page shows that he has still got a complete and utter mastery of the guitar, and even if age has robbed him just the slightest bit of his technicality, he makes up for it with grit and soul. The setlist is a good sampler of all of their hits and styles—“Kashmir” in particular stands out as a home run here—and they even played two songs “Ramble On” and “For Your Life” live for the first time. Other notables include “Dazed and Confused” and “Black Dog,” both of which capture all the energy and spirit that listeners have come to expect. This album will definitely go down as a success in almost every sense of the word. The band sounds sharp, together and full of energy, even if it is not the same youth-ful zeal they had when releasing their debut over 40 years ago. And while this will not be remembered as their best concert—or even their best live album, after “How the West Was Won”—the music is as important as the symbolism. Led Zeppelin proves with this record that these songs are alive, well and timeless—maybe more so than anyone realized.

Zeppelin’s latest a success

nicHoLas FosterStudent Writer

Recorded in 2007, yet released in 2012, Led Zeppelin’s “Celebration Day” proves that, despite the band’s age, its songs are timeless.

Photo courtesy Atlantic Records

“Celebration Day,” unlike Led Zeppelin’s earlier albums, does not feature the same band listeners grew up with 35 years ago. Instead, the album shows a much more mature-sounding Zeppelin—which has both benefits and drawbacks.

“The Man with the Iron Fists” is the latest big-name Kung Fu pro-duction by rap artist RZA and di-rector Quentin Tarantino. Yet after seeing the movie, I only have one thing to say about it: “Kung Fu cheese.”

“The Man with the Iron Fists” was one of the most ridiculous movies I have ever seen. Although it was wonderfully choreographed, and the soundtrack consisted of hard-hitting hip-hop, the dialogue and the storyline were like cheez-whiz: cheap and bad tasting.

The movie’s redeeming quali-ties are few. First among these is an all-star cast: Cung Lee, David Bautista, Lucy Liu, Russell Crowe and RZA, a member of rap group the Wu-Tang Clan.

Moreover, the choreography and the fights were beautiful. Lots of flips, spins, kicks and impos-sible kung fu moves had me daz-zled and engaged in every single fight scene—of which the movie had no shortage. Additionally, the stunts and sets were well-executed and believable, and the hip-hop soundtrack by The RZA helped add to the movie’s intensity.

RZA’s group, the Wu-Tang

Clan, is well known for its influen-tial and trademark hip-hop sound, and RZA has been a longtime fan of the Asian fighting genre.

The RZA’s career already in-volved Japanese samurai and kung fu; he produced the soundtrack for “Afro Samurai,” a popular anime blending traditional samurai cul-ture and hip-hop styles.

The soundtrack for “The Man with the Iron Fists” is in a simi-lar style. Asian instrumentals, mixed with hip-hop grooves and East Coast-style rapping, bring a hardcore feel to the movie, and the intensity of the fight scenes was augmented by the soundtrack. However, the music could not save the awful storyline.

Firstly, the names of the char-acters were horribly corny, mostly consisting of inanimate objects.

For instance, the leader of the lion clan is named Golden Lion, his right and left-hand men were named Silver Lion and Bronze Lion. Another character, whose weapon is a knife, was—in a stroke of brilliance—Jack Knife.

To add another variety of cheese, the dialogue was just ridic-ulous. Everything was redundant, bland and pathetic. I found myself staring at the screen in disbelief over the characters’ lines.

The casting of non-actor RZA as the title character made matters worse, highlighting his subpar act-ing.

“The Man with the Iron Fists” featured wonderful action se-quences and had a great cast and soundtrack, but its bad writing and mediocre acting ultimately com-pounded its failure.

Kung Fu? more like cheese fondue

anDres gomezStudent Writer

The latest film by acclaimed director Quentin Tarantino features wonderfully choreographed fighting sequences, while the story lacks quality.

Photo courtesy Arcade Pictures

Musician The RZA portrays Blacksmith, or the Man with the Iron Fists, who seeks to defend himself and his fellow villagers from a band of assassins.

interested in pop culture, movies, books and more? Write for

Be a Variety writer—assuming the world does not end

E-mail [email protected] for more information

Zeilinger’s book, with its fierce, pink cover and eye-catching title, invites controversy. With her smart, colloquial prose, Zeil-linger—founder of the well-known feminist blog “The FBomb”—is ready to get in your face.

Zeilinger has written a concise summary of the history of femi-nism, its ideals and its founders. She has also woven throughout the work a blatant plea for the young women of her own generation to learn the history of feminism and adopt it in their own lives.

She is not afraid to draw tough topics like human trafficking and prostitution into her book. Her goal is to deliver a crash-course in the history of the movement and explain its relevance today.

All of this comes from a woman who will not graduate from col-lege until 2015. But despite her

success, Zeilinger is not preten-tious. The writing of this book and the creation of the famous blog are not an attempt at self-promotion; they seek to show women of our generation that “feminism is rel-evant to us, the youth of today.” She is seeking to rescue feminism from the bad publicity that it has received.

This is a book that should tran-scend politics, though feminism has been unfortunately slapped with political labels and become a party-line issue. Zeilinger is ea-ger to stress that this book—and feminism—are for everybody, re-gardless of gender, politics, or any other factor.

On her blog and in the book, she defines feminism as “being able to live your life in the way that sup-ports all of your human rights and makes you the happiest, no matter who you are.” For her, feminism demands equal rights for all peo-ple based on shared humanity.

However, though the book is an excellent and interesting introduc-tion and summation of the three stages of feminism, it is the work of an opinionated individual. She is often forceful and profane in her prose, and this style may not ap-peal to everyone.

Additionally, though impressive in its scope, this is not a scholarly work. Those seeking more in-depth information should consider the work a jumping-off point, not the Bible of feminism.

Spunky feminist book appealing

HeLen PattersonStaff Writer

Looking for an intellectual Christmas gift? Consider adding Julie Zeilinger’s latest book, “A Little F’d Up: Why Feminism is Not a Dirty Word” to your Christmas list.

Page 7: Collegian's Issue 12, Vol. 97

From a functional point of view, unions are as American as Twinkies. They functions as de-mocracies that allow for stream-lined decision-making while holding leaders accountable to members. Just as in all democra-cies, unions run into issues when

their size conflicts with their ac-countability.

Because their power is only as strong as their membership, they must serve the interests of mem-bers.

Unions represent workers in their negotiations with employers. They are not a symbol of a schism between the company and their employees, rather a symbol of mu-tual respect for their dependency.

Yet, for decades unions have been the subject to smear cam-paigns led by the corporations. Admittedly, unions have battled corruption, but that is grossly out-weighed by their work to improve the quality of life of members.

Those are realities we never hear about because their goodwill is overshadowed by propaganda campaigns of anti-union groups.

One thing that cannot be paint-ed over is the human factor: un-like corporations, unions are built of individuals united in creating something larger than themselves. The human element behind unions is significant in that it forces them to follow the desires of members.

Opponents would like to portray unions as runaway trains, but such is not the case.

In the Hostess example, we see a company run into the ground by its administration, which then turned to the workers to reduce ex-penditures.

Without unions, corporations have little incentive to take into account workers’ needs. While there are corporations that work to create a balance between them-selves and their workers, they are

the minority.Though striking appears ex-

treme, it is necessary to frame the issue. When a strike happens, it is neither sudden nor extreme. There are meetings for months before ac-tion.

The parties meet to discuss po-sitions and official dates for the strike. It is an organized process often misrepresented as chaos.

It would be heavy-handed to suggest striking is the only solu-tion, but it is sometimes necessary to send a message to corporations.

People on the picket line are willing to sacrifice personal com-fort and gain to fight for something better for more people in the long run.

Such action should only be taken in drastic situations and

The meek have inherited the earth. The creatures known for their fa-natical following of “Star Wars,” science-fiction theater and early Dungeons and Dragons have be-come economic powerhouses, and following closely behind them is a generation almost hardwired to in-

ternet counterculture. Nerd culture has become the driving undercur-rent of popular culture—and the world is better for it.

There are some who think that a “geekification” of art has come about. But how can art and cul-ture have become geekified if they started as an expression of geek culture? If one takes a look at what is influential in today’s the popular culture, they will find its roots in geek culture.

Popular music has sprung from the highly derivative electronic sounds of dance clubs, dubstep re-mixes and even techno music.

The top-grossing films of the past several years have been based off of the quintessential expres-sion of nerdiness: comic books. And J.R.R. Tolkien’s fantasy clas-

sics “Lord of the Rings” and “The Hobbit” are the fourth and fifth top-selling books of all time.

I would argue that culture since the dawn of history has been the domain of the nerds. While the meek were not usually responsible for the events of recorded history or myth, the responsibility to re-cord, create, tell and retell these stories fell to the nerds of the eons.

However, what is new in our geek-awakening is the labeling of genres.

Terms like science fiction, fan-tasy, romance, or historical fiction have not existed for the majority of recorded human culture, per-haps because there simply wasn’t enough art for labels to be useful.

People called “nerds” tend to identify strongly with different

genre labels. There are some who think that the fanatical nature of some nerds and fans decreases the value of art.

They think that someone can become a successful artist by pan-dering to one group of nerds or an-other, and thus reducing the gener-al quality of high art is decreased.

But, with nerds came some-thing else—standards. As a self-proclaimed nerd, I will fully admit that Sturgeon’s Revelation, that 90 percent of everything is crap, ap-plies to my particular interests.

Writers, filmmakers and art-ists cannot become successful by pandering to a subculture because we nerds know when we are being pandered to, and we generally do

With the upcoming release of the major motion picture “The Hob-bit,” I’m sure that Dec. 14 has been circled on many of your cal-endars, as it is on mine.

Some of you plan to attend its midnight premiere as you did for “Star Wars,” “Harry Potter” and other movie franchises catering to elite nerd followings.

But before you don your wig and elf ears, perhaps you could use the anticipatory week to do a little soul-searching as to whether the author’s artistic vision ever included the notion of costumes, conventions and multi-million dollar business enterprises carried out in its name.

In a word, let us together em-bark on a quest to discover the in-herent failings of what has become a dominant force in popular cul-ture—the geek.

One of the biggest problems with the “geek mentality” is that geeks, by definition, are extremely devoted to and fascinated by their interests.

Geeks, when we become fasci-nated by a work of art, particularly a book, by our very nature devote quite a lot of time to exploring the intricacies of the work, inside and out—the more to explore, the bet-

ter, which is why we tend to pre-fer genre fiction such as fantasy or sci-fi.

Eventually the nerd, having learned everything there is to know about the work at hand—at least on a technical level—has graduated from simple admirer to something more: he is a fan.

This in itself isn’t a problem; af-ter all, most authors enjoy know-ing that their work has inspired others.

It only becomes a problem when a number of geeks coagulate around any given work—a fandom has been founded.

When a work has attracted a group of fans, and these fans begin communicating with one another, its artistic integrity is in high dan-ger of being sullied.

Don’t believe me? When I say

Financially troubled Hostess Bakeries’ recent action has sent a strong message to labor unions, the American workforce and the broader American public: busi-nesses know best how to stay in business.

Labor unions were conceived as a champion of workers’ rights. They were a good idea and largely successful in that objective.

They later helped improve busi-ness ethics, ensure fair wages and gain other protections for employ-ees, such as medical attention for injured workers.

Unfortunately, after some years, unions have become dangerously politicized, a tool that manipula-tive people can use to force a busi-ness decision.

Members of the Bakery, Con-fectionery, Tobacco and Grain Millers Union (Bakery Union) went on strike at Hostess’ bakeries last November.

According to Reuters, their ac-tions were in protest of a proposed eight percent pay cut and reduc-tions in health care and pension benefits.

Their action severely disrupted performance at one-third of the bakeries, enough that Hostess Brands warned of liquidation if employees did not return to work by a certain day.

The union encouraged its mem-bers to continue the strike anyway, and Hostess liquidated to prevent the company’s collapse.

The union’s actions against Hostess were motivated by an appetite for public sympathy and simple greed. It is important to re-member that Hostess’ employees had been paid on time and were receiving the benefits stipulated in their contracts.

The company had kept its prom-ises. While a pay cut is certainly an unpleasant thing, the pay cut itself could have been renegotiated without resorting to strike action.

In fact, International Brother-hood of Teamsters, Hostess’ larg-est union, had successfully done so. According to Reuters, Team-sters honored the picket lines, but called on Bakery Union to take a secret ballot vote to continue or discontinue the strike.

It is not known whether the vote took place. In any case, the onus was on the union to take construc-tive steps.

Bakery Union drew limited sympathy from the American pub-lic and from Teamsters. Fearing the worst, many Americans rushed stores to buy Twinkies and the like.

A report by the Dallas Business Journal revealed that Teamsters questioned whether Bakery Union knew what it was doing.

Teamsters was quoted as saying, “It is difficult for Teamster mem-bers to believe (that liquidation) is what the (Bakery Union) Hostess members ultimately wanted to ac-complish when they went out on strike.”

Such situations are not limited to Hostess. Last year, union mem-bers demonstrated against Wis-consin Governor Scott Walker’s legislation, which attempted to limit public sector unions’ collec-tive bargaining powers.

These demonstrations led to the infamous “flight of the senators” out of Wisconsin in a bid to block the bill. Unionized school teach-ers in Chicago went on strike last year, negatively impacting the stu-dents they taught. In an injustice to

students, the school year had to be lengthened to make up for the lost class days.

Demands by the National Foot-ball League officials union brought lockouts, disastrous refereeing and furious fans to America’s favorite game. The NFL fiasco was a case of dirty politics worsened by union leaders’ zeal for money.

This colorful spat between Hostess and Bakery Union is a rare case of a union destroying jobs. The logic in employing fierce collective bargaining tactics is not good.

The outcomes of an unresolved dispute are never good: no one wins. Had one side won, the other side must have lost.

A win-win outcome is only pos-sible if union leaders scale their egos down to reality and honestly work to resolve the problem.

Unions fail in another way too, as described by an old proverb: “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” Of course, failure to feed could be legitimate grounds for union action, but Hostess had hon-ored its contract with the Bakery Union.

The unions’ viciousness is being felt through the liquidation pro-cess. Parties interested in buying Hostess Brands’ assets are report-edly looking at the labor contracts that they will buy as part of the as-set sale.

In some cases, buyers have al-ready determined which “piece(s)” of Hostess will be unsustainable due to the union contracts that will be sold as “part of the package.”

Hostess Brands’ decision to liq-uidate may be surprising to some. For union workers who did not heed the companies’ warning of liquidation, it was definitely sur-prising.

For now, all of them will need to search for jobs elsewhere, while members of Teamsters will have to have to deal with the consequenc-es of someone else’s actions.

opinionthe Collegian : 7 3 deCember 2012

Who should have been creamed in hostess vs. Union?

waLker

womack Student Writer

The ascension of geek culture to mainstream represents a bastardization of the art.

Unions are what protect the workers from corporate greed, which caused the Hostess debacle.

myriaH

Downs Student Writer

The geek’s rise to prominence in pop culture represents an increase in the quality of media.

steven

BucHeLe Student Writer

oscar

HoStudent Writer

Hostess’ fall represents the union’s growing power, hurting profitability and ultimately the worker.

Geek prominence a boon or a bane?

See geek page 9

See hostess page 9

“Without unions, corporations have little incentive to take

into account workers’ needs”

See Nerd page 9

Graphic by Martin Vera

“Culture, since the dawn of history,

has been the domain of the nerds”

Page 8: Collegian's Issue 12, Vol. 97

While Thanksgiving is an inter-esting holiday, the day after, now commonly called Black Friday, is beginning to outshine the original day of celebration. Black Friday deals actually began as a push by retailers in the 19th and 20th cen-tury to start the Christmas shop-ping season, but it was not called Black Friday until the 1960s.

Black Friday’s name is a sore subject for retailers. In most in-stances, from film to scandals, Black Friday has a bad connota-tion.

Urban legends would have you believe that it is named for the first day of the year that retailers are in the black, or making money.

Actually, most sources cite the

Philadelphia police tradition of calling the day Black Friday be-cause traffic became almost intol-erable.

Many large department stores used to hold parades on the Friday following Thanksgiving and fol-lowed them with sales in store.

At that time, Thanksgiving was the last Thursday in November. Retailers convinced then President Roosevelt to change Thanksgiving to the next to last Thursday, thus extending the Christmas shopping season.

After two years, it was officially moved to its current position of the fourth Thursday of November.

Thanksgiving itself was moved at the whims of department store owners, so why should Black Fri-day be any different?

Traffic might increase in stores and there might be crowds on Black Friday, but it is not actually the busiest shopping day of the year. Since 2005, it has been one of the busiest, but still not even in the top five.

This is a subtle distinction but an important one, given that the deals touted by retailers are often not as great as they seem.

For instance, many doorbuster deals are actually derivative

products. These products are ei-ther knockoffs of name brands or lower-quality products from name brands.

Advertisements for them make them look good, but the odds are that they are not the products well-informed consumers would choose.

While retailers prepare for these crowds as best they can, incidents of violence have increased since the Black Friday tradition began. Though violence and injury are rare, they are more highly publi-

cized in this era of tweets and real-time news media, but they are not more common.

When they do not end in trag-edy, they do sometimes make for funny stories, but most stores ex-perience large crowds without vio-lence.

Over the last several years, stores have opened their doors ear-

lier and earlier for Black Friday. News media and consumers are calling stores like J.C. Penney’s—which are waiting until Friday morning to open—“holdouts.”

One consumer interviewed had nearly finished shopping before the big department stores even opened their doors.

According to a survey by Cou-ponCabin, only a third of the peo-ple take issue with stores opening their doors earlier.

Many shoppers welcomed be-ing able to shop without staying

up all night or having to rise early.Retailers, or at least the cor-

porate offices of retailers, seem to like opening their doors ear-lier. More families come to shop together when the stores open early. 16 percent of consumers in-terviewed said that Black Friday shopping is a family tradition.

Taking small children to the

store with you before Christmas is like going grocery shopping hun-gry, you will buy more things than you originally planned.

Some traditionalists do take is-sue with opening the doors ear-lier and earlier, even though some stores start deals weeks before Thanksgiving and others offer on-line deals ahead of time.

They criticize the early open-ings because they pull people away from their families and Thanksgiv-ing dinner.

People are camping out earlier, even days in advance, instead of spending time with their families, but since shopping together is a family tradition for some, this ar-gument feels a bit nostalgic.

Finally, bank holidays are sup-posed to be days of rest for every-one.

This is also a critique that brings to mind images of the nostalgic Norman Rockwell-type Thanks-giving with the whole family gath-ered around the table for Thanks-giving.

Not every family does Thanks-giving the same way, and if retail-ers want to offer deals on Turkey Day, the day before or even weeks in advance, I say, “Why not let them?”

opinion the Collegian : 83 deCember 2012

editor-in-chief—Kalen Petersen

managing editor—J. Christopher Proctor

news editor—Kyle Walker

sports editor—Aubry Midkiff

variety editor—Stephanie Hice

opinion editor—Patrick Creedon

photo & graphics editor—Jill Graves

staff writers—Helen Patterson, Victoria McGouran

business & advertising manager—Liz Cohen

distribution manager—Tyler Magill

web editor—Mary Carol Franko

adviser—Kendra Blevins

The Collegian is the independent student newspaper of the University of Tulsa. It is distributed Tuesdays during the fall and spring semesters except during holidays and final exam weeks. The University of Tulsa is an equal opportunity employer and institution of higher education and does not discriminate on the basis of personal status or group character-istics including but not limited to the classes protected under federal and state law in its programs, services, aids, or benefits. The Associate Vice

President of Human Resources and Risk Management has the responsibility for implementing and monitoring the Affirmative Action Plan at The University of Tulsa and assisting with the application and interpretation of pertinent laws and policy. For additional EEO/AA information, contact Wayne Paulison in the Office of Human Resources and Risk Management at 918-631-2616. For disability accommodation information, contact Dr. Jane Corso at 918-631-2315. Requests for an interpreter must be made seven days in advance of an event and at least 48 hours for all other accommodations. Advertising Policy: Advertising appearing in this publication does not imply approval or endorsement by the University of Tulsa or the Collegian for the products or services advertised. For advertising information, call the Collegian Business Office at 918.631.3084. The deadline for advertising is 5 p.m. on the Thursday prior to the publication. Editing Policy: The Collegian reserves the right to edit all copy submitted by all writers. This editing may take place in many forms, including grammar corrections, changes in paragraph structure or even the addition or removal of sections of content. Editorial Policy: Columnists are solely responsible for the content of their columns. Opinions expressed in columns may not represent the opinions of the entire Collegian staff, the administrative policies of the University of Tulsa, the views of the student body or our advertisers. Letter Policy: Letters to the editor must be less than 500 words, typed and double-spaced. While we do not require it, letters sent via e-mail to the Collegian are encouraged. A SIGNED hard copy with a telephone number is required if a letter is accepted for printing. Under no circumstances will unsigned letters be published. The name of the person submitting the letter must be published with the letter. We reserve the right to edit or reject all letters. The deadline for letters is 5 p.m. on the Thursday prior to publication.

Black Friday’s intrusion into Thanksgiving is not the denegration of a holiday that it appears to be.

Beate

HaLL Student Writer

Black Friday just a part of American life

“If retailers want to offer deals on Turkey Day, I say,

‘Why not let them?’”

Page 9: Collegian's Issue 12, Vol. 97

the Collegian: 93 deCember 2012

Bound for Liberty

not take it well. If anything, nerds demand more out of

their nerd-dom than other cultures. Because we know what has been done before, we are looking for works that have deeper meaning, more polish, or that do things that haven’t been done before.

I will admit that sometimes we nerds de-stroy the very genius we are looking for; case in point: “Ender’s Game” and “Speaker for the Dead” by Orson Scott Card. They are two excellent books, not just among sci-fi, but in general. However, Card’s later books that are set in the same universe, mainly to sell more copies, are clearly of inferior value.

I have to admit that Card will never regain the genius of “Speaker for the Dead that I,” by my consumption, helped kill.

However, my fellow nerds and I are still

looking for genius art. We are pushing artists to dig deeper, polish more and work harder. When we find things that meet or exceed our standards, we reward them.

So say what you will about the folks in costume standing outside for “The Hobbit”’s midnight release. I can tell you the people creating that movie have worked harder to make a better movie because of those very nerds.

And you’ll know if it met the nerds stan-dards, standards higher than even many of our high art critics, because they will be all too willing to tell you.

We nerds might be annoying, obsessive and destructive to the very things we love, but we are a challenging culture.

We are making art have more meaning, more love. We are effectively making art better.

From geek page 7

alternative dispute resolution should be consulted prior, because of the effect a strike has on its workers.

Strike funds are limited and also help to counteract the length of a strike, forcing the unions to be flexible in reaching settle-ment with the corporation, while a lack of production weighs on the corporations.

Many are concerned that additional in-tervention from the unions will cause cor-porations to lose profitability.

Their contention is this will result in higher costs via transfer fees and fewer jobs. And while both prove to be remote possibilities, is it not an equally viable eco-nomic option that the corporation’s officers would take a pay cut?

Unfortunately, they do not give their

employees that option and without unions, many of those workers face the conse-quences of such corporate greed.

There is an alternative explanation to the reduction of profitability: the gluttonous habits of upper-level management.

The expenditures of upper-level salaries and benefits outweigh those of the lower-level workers, yet corporations have con-vinced us that lower-level workers need to accept the pay cuts to be profitable.

They threaten consumers with price in-creases and hold us hostage with the pros-pect of eliminating jobs only because we allow them.

Unions are one of the few things stand-ing between corporate greed and the gen-eral public. They deserve our support be-cause they are made up of people just like us.

From hostess page 7

“The Lord of the Rings,” “Harry Potter” and “Star Wars,” how, in your head, do you relate these very disparate works? “Star Wars” is a lighthearted movie blockbuster. “Harry Potter” is an elevated children’s se-ries written in the popular vein.

“Lord of the Rings” is the culmination of years of academic study of linguistics, epic poetry and legend.

Yet the grouping of them together does not seem odd because they have been mar-ried as “geek” in the popular mind.

This is due to the absorptive nature of geek culture. When fans of one work be-come fans of another, the second work is assimilated into the greater geek collec-tive—to its artistic detriment, in the case of Tolkien’s legends.

That a person can like both Star Wars and the legends of Middle-Earth is no problem, but that they should both appear at some frivolous comic convention—that funda-mentally degrades the works of higher art.

A second aspect of geek culture that could use some alteration is its inherent indulgence.

Its growing predominance in our post-modern world could be explained by a growing murkiness of purpose and an ever-

extending span of childhood. Geek culture may be nostalgic, but at

times this nostalgia is expressed in a genu-ine wish to return to childhood.

Geek culture and its prominence are in-dicative of a more general cultural plunge into indulgence and puerility.

This nature of geek culture often has a worrying side effect: rampant consumer-ism. Nerd culture, especially in its current form, in many ways relies on collectibles, video games, cards and other assorted mer-chandise, in an unhealthy manner.

Often we nerds speak of stories that oc-cupy multiple works as “franchises”—as if that business term were in any way ap-propriate. But indeed, franchises are built around authors’ works to the point of pros-titution.

In the end, it’s not that “The Lord of the Rings” or any comparable work is intrinsi-cally ruined by its having fans or unjustifi-able merchandise.

Rather, I hope that fans will respect the integrity of the works they admire. So on the 14th, go to “The Hobbit” and enjoy what I hope to be a spectacular movie.

However, consider returning the elf ears to a drawer, relabeling them “Vulcan,” and saving them for the next “Star Trek” con-vention where they’ll be duly appreciated.

From Nerd page 7

Photo courtesy University of Tulsa Athletic Relations

Junior quarterback Cody Green holds aloft the University of Tulsa’s Conference USA championship trophy. This revelry came after fans rushed the field in response to an apparent touchdown one play earlier, only to have to scramble for the stands when the play was called back by the referees.

Page 10: Collegian's Issue 12, Vol. 97

State-run media3 deCember 2012

After the unexpected resignation of cafeteria worker Linda Worth-ley, The University of Tulsa ad-ministration announced Monday that Executive Vice President Kevan Buck would temporarily assume her duties, which include preparing and serving meals at the cafeteria, swiping student ID cards and washing dishes.

The university said that Buck would serve an interim cafeteria worker until a replacement for Worthley could be found.

While Buck’s new role may be less critical than his usual respon-sibilities—managing the universi-ty’s finances—President Steadman Upham praised Buck’s abilities, although he admitted he had no idea whether Buck knew anything about cooking.

“When I heard that we were down a caf worker, I knew there was only one man I would trust with the job,” Upham said. “Af-ter all, this semester alone, he’s already been acting president and athletic director, so I thought, ‘why not’.”

While Buck is officially listed as TU’s vice president, unconfirmed reports have placed him in vari-ous positions over the past several months, leaving it unclear exactly where the limits on his vice presi-

dential duties lay. Andrew LeMon-te, a foreign language student, said that Buck had recently stood in for one of his instructors.

“Our Russian language profes-sor came down with the flu, and we thought class would be can-celed. Then, Wednesday morning, (Buck) shows up, speaking in flu-ent Russian, and class goes on like normal,” he said. “He even has office hours. Though he listed five different offices, which is a little confusing.”

Another student, who asked that her identity be withheld, said that she parked her car in illegally in the Westby lot, and returned to find a person she identified as Buck, in a campus security uniform, putting a ticket on her windshield.

“He was super polite and help-ful, actually,” she said. “Even though I was mad about getting a ticket, I couldn’t help thinking, ‘The guy’s a real pro.’ He even gave me his phone number for if I wanted to contest the ticket. Ap-

parently he’s filling in at the Cam-po office.”

Several TU football players, meanwhile, said that Buck stepped in for an injured linebacker in Sat-urday’s conference championship win over the University of Central Florida, even delivering a critical block that allowed running back Trey Watts to return a punt for a touchdown.

“I’m not sure if he was even eli-gible to play, but he sure saved the game,” Watts said. However, Buck left the locker room immediately after the game, sources reported, saying that there was a leaking pipe in Keplinger Hall that “need-ed fixing.”

Buck was unavailable for com-ment, as he was busy stringing up Christmas lights on the Kappa Al-pha fraternity house.

Full disclosure: Kevan Buck works as a part-time editor for The Collegian.

State-Runthe

mediaMore bang, less whimper.

The Buck stops everywhere

kaLen PeterssssenParseltongue Editor

TU Executive Vice President Kevan Buck fills in as president, athletic director, everything else.

Writer fails to turn in article

Graphic by Jill Graves

In a press conference Monday, University of Tulsa President Steadman Upham commended Athletic Director Ross Parmley for his “exemplary undercover work” with the Federal Bureau of Investigation in bringing down an Oklahoma gambling ring.

As a direct result of Parmley’s work, Teddy Mitchell was arrested and accused of racketeering, tax evasion, acting as a “bookie,” and holding high-stakes poker games at his home in Oklahoma City.

Upham lauded Parmley for go-ing “above and beyond the call of duty” of his post as athletic direc-tor by “spending years deep within Mitchell’s gambling ring” despite “grave personal peril.”

“The University of Tulsa cannot thank Ross enough for putting his life on the line so that justice might be served,” Upham added.

The risk to Parmley’s personal safety was so dire, in fact, that he was forced to abort the opera-tion in 2010. “The heat was on,” said Parmley. “Mitchell suspected that I was a narc—I had to get out while I could get out alive.”

“We hated to see Agent Parmley stop gambling in 2010,” said FBI Special Agent Aaron Curtis, who oversaw the investigation. “But we had no choice. Wait any longer, and Parmley could be swimming the Arkansas River with cement shoes.”

Despite Parmley pulling out, however, the investigation was not fruitless. It lead to the arrest of Mitchell and his sons, and Parm-ley’s winnings while undercover have been a major boon to the Uni-versity’s endowment.

Parmley was not the only mem-ber of the TU faculty deserving recognition, however. TU Execu-tive Vice President Kevan Buck was also commended by Upham for filling in as the operation’s “grease man, munitions expert, and computer whiz” at various points over the course of the in-vestigation.

Curtis said that we must also recognize the importance of Up-ham’s own return from retirement after contact was lost with Agent Geoffrey Orsak, who never re-turned from a dangerous recon-naissance mission in Oklahoma City.

hurricane athletic director infiltrates OKC gambling ringtim nissenSpy Kid

JareD starkweatHerOver-Committed freshman

Photo courtesy of People’s Daily, friends of the State-Run Media

Bashful onion reporter covers lust with humor

A recent gaffe garnered international attention when People’s Daily of China re-published a satirical Onion article declaring Kim Jong Un, Dear Leader of North Korea, 2012’s Sexiest Man Alive. However, unnamed inside sources report that the Onion reporter legitimately finds Kim Jong Un’s sex appeal unrivaled, but is too shy to own up to it.

Graphic by Jill GravesThe photo that blew Parmley’s cover in 2010.

in other news:

After weeks of failing to receive an article from over-committed freshman writer, angry editor publishes blank text to humiliate, coerce.

Fact checking and cruelty provided by J.Christopher Proctor

Big East discovers Tulane football team, retracts offer

King John I’s approval ratings plummet to 99%

Heartwarming Black Friday moments

TU rated No. 1 party school for administrators

Tulsa residents miss out on great Tulsa World article

See pg. 11 for more

World to end—State-Run Media expected to continue

Congress realizes Wyoming seceded four years ago