DATEE Magazine

DATEE MAGAZINE

DATEE Magazine was establish by the five editors, Brittni Scott, Paisley Fisher, Mike Prince, Samantha Schall, and Catie Goins to help troubled relationships, offer advice for relationships, and ways to solve conflict within relationships. Involving our personal relationships and conflicts and our readers’ conflicts and relationships, DATEE magazine provides perfect examples and advice on how to better your relationships.

DATEE Magazine is based off the definition of conflict constructed by our editors, that includes steps on how to recognize a conflict and how to appropriately respond. Check out our step by step process to evaluate your situation, using our definition!

Decide if there is a disagreement or disconnection present

Acknowledge if shared vision is inconsistent or the same

Think if the conflict is a threat to the shared vision

Evaluate your needs, interests, and concerns

Express your emotions and vision with the other party

By Catie Goins

When you are in a situation where a possible conflict is present, guide yourself through the DATEE definition of conflict,

Conflict exists anytime there is a disconnection or a disagreement between two parties in which the shared vision is corrupted or not the same. Conflict can even exist between two parties if only one party acknowledges the disconnection or disagreement.

If you notice the disconnection or disagreement, then look at the ultimate shared vision between the two parties. Are they the same? Then there might not be a conflict. However, if the shared vision is different, a conflict exists!

After realizing that some of these steps apply to your situation, the DATEE acronym to describe conflict can help you move through the situation appropriately and respond to the opposite party in an appropriate, efficient way!

Take a timeout with Twix!

See the conflict, have a twix, think it

through, address the situation!

Are You a Hothead? By Brittni Scott

● Do you get mad at things that people around you

don’t necessarily get mad about?

● Are you easily jealous?

● In an argument are you too busy yelling to pay

attention to what the other person is saying?

● Does it take more than counting to ten to calm

you down?

● In a conflict, is it “my way or the highway”?

● Do you talk (or yell) way more than you listen?

● Do you hate the thought of losing?

If you responded “yes” to most of these, you are a

hothead and you need to cool down

If you responded “no” to most of these, you are not

hotheaded, and we congratulate you!

How To DATEE a Hothead

What is a hothead?A hot head is a person who gets angry very quickly and very easily. Hotheads are bad at expressing their true feelings, so they express them in anger. The best way to deal with a hothead, is to try to not get angry yourself.Sometimes it seems like there is no winning when it comes to a hothead, we know. There’s no way to truly avoid a conflict with a hot-headed person, but thankfully, we’re here to help!

● Break the ice- Sometimes adding a little bit of humor to a heated debate is the best way to cool your hot head down and get to the route of the problem

● Keep calm, don’t argue on- When heads get hot, keep your cool.Keeping your composure can help make a hothead see that it is time to calm down. Remaining calm can help you talk to them to understand their feelings

● Ask questions- When a hothead gets heated, it is normally for a reason that they aren’t even saying. Peel back those rough edges and find the source of your problem

● Be the bigger person- We get that not everyone wants to always be the bigger person, but when it comes to a hothead, you have to. Make them feel like they’ve won, even if they didn’t. Hotheads love to be right.

By: Brittni Scott

Resolve it.By

The smell alone, will solve the conflict

Who’s Cooking Dinner?By: Paisley Fisher

If you are a female, you may have heard someone say or tell you, “little girls are not suppose to behave that way,” or “act like a lady.” If you are a male, you may have heard someone say or direct to you, “boys aren’t suppose to cry,” or “stop acting like a girl.” If you ever wondered what causes someone to place such titles on an individual based on their sex, you are not alone. The roles placed upon us are known as, gender roles. Gender roles are titles/identities placed on an individual, in order to determine their degree of maleness or femaleness. As a female, you may have been taught to behave differently from the males around you. At a young age, females are taught to be nurturing, caring, nice, positive, polite, respectful, social skills, cooperative, agreeable and so on. For an example, if a little girl were to yell at her friend and push her, someone of authority would quickly split the girls apart and lecture them on how girls are not be mean, but that they must place nicely together. On the other hand, at a young age, males are taught to be strong, aggressive, outspoken, protective, competitive, and so on. These gender role placed upon us play a big part in the way males and females react to conflicts. During a conflict, females are more likely to deal with their problems by being indirect. For an example, instead of confronting the problem head on, females are commonly known to ignore the person socially. Socially meaning, if a female happens to have a conflict with someone, they will ignore the individual, exclude them from activities, or talk badly about them with other female friends. Unlike females, males are more likely to confront the conflict head on (directly). For an example, f a male has a problem with an individual; it is common to see them tell the person that they do not like them. Males are more likely to shout when in a confrontation with another male.

Conflict: Seeing as though gender roles are placed upon males and females at an early age, it’s okay to conclude that these roles are a learned trait. Growing up, females and males may have noticed gender roles demonstrated by their parents. They may have seen their mother cook, clean, take care of the children, wash laundry, and etc. They may have noticed their father mowing the lawn, fixing items, workout, and taking care of finances. But, what happens if you’re having a date night with a significant other and they do not agree with such gender roles? For an example, a man and his girlfriend are preparing a dinner for their date night. After going to the grocery store and selecting dinner, they head home. Once home, the boyfriend sits on the couch, expecting his girlfriend to cook dinner. Instead of cooking dinner, she enters the living room and asks him to cook tonight. Seeing as though he had grown up in a household where the woman cooked, he quickly declined. She asks him why, and he responds by saying, “its your job to make dinner, you’re the woman.” She responds by saying, “who told you it was a woman’s job to cook?” The boyfriend then replies, “growing up my mom cooked everything. I do not know how to cook.”Once the girlfriend heard him say he did not know how to cook, she came up with an idea that would benefit them both. To resolve this conflict, in regards to who’s cooking dinner, the girlfriend suggested that they both cook together. She told her boyfriend, “how about I teach you how to cook? That way we both will be able to cook dinner together.” After thinking about her suggestion for a second the boyfriend agrees to it.

As you can see from the previous paragraphs, gender roles play a big part in the way males and females view conflicts. Males are more direct when dealing with conflicts, while females are more indirect. These direct and indirect traits are taught to us all at a young age. In the story about the couple date night dinner, you will notice that their conflict was deciding on who would make dinner. The boyfriend believed that it was a woman’s role to cook, while the girlfriend did not agree with the gender roles placed upon them, and wanted him to cook dinner. When the boyfriend told her that he did not know how to cook, she decided to cooperate with him by still cooking, but cooking together because she will be teaching him how to cook along the way. At the end of the day both people will be satisfied because they both will have cooked dinner. When you are able to disagree with someone, but tell them why you have a certain opinion, you it will be much easier for you to understand where they are coming from and work on resolving the conflict. In other words, seek to understand before seeking to be understood.

Spray away the

issueand see

right through

the conflict!

Movie NightBy: Samantha Schall

In a competition, two people will continue to butt headsunit one person eventually gives up. There is no cooperationand only one person will come out a winner. Each person

wants to feel like they’ve won something. If you’re feeling this way, watch “The Break-Up” starring Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston compete as one tries win their

luxurious condo they once shared together as a couple. See how they reach an agreement- if they ever do!

After a long week, what could be more relaxing than cuddling up on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn and turning on Netflix? There are a variety of different movies that are waiting to be watched, but which one do you choose> Do you go with the romantic love story, the scary thriller or the action packed film? There is one category of movies that seem to get overlooked by movie fanatics- movies about conflict. Conflict is everywhere in our own personal lives, and these movies just might be able to help you solve your own problems.

Collaborating is not easy, it tames the most amount of time to integrate ideas to satisfy everyone, which could cause conflict due to high assertiveness among individuals. Do you find yourself trying to collaborate lately, whether it is with a school project or you’re on a new team at work? Watch “The Lake House”, and see how Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves have to work together to find a way to find each other, before it’s too late.

When it comes to a conflict, avoiding it will solve nothing. Avoiding has no cooperation between the individuals, and eventually, bigger problems could arise. Are you having problems with confronting someone who is avoiding something, or are avoiding something yourself? Watch “The Dilemma”, starring Vince Vaughn and Kevin James, and see how the situation is handled when one of them discover that his best friend’s wife is having an affair.

Accommodating to someone can be a challenge at times, yet it can also be rewarding seeing someone else happy with the outcome through cooperation. If you’re starting to get

frustrated with accommodating to someone, check out the movie “50 First Dates” with Adam Sandler and Drew

Barrymore. How do you think he feels? Sandler proves that some people will do anything for the ones they love.

When two people are able to compromise, the short term win feels extremely satisfying. Compromising with someone might not be easy in a way that it is hard to find a common ground. In a compromise, each party has to give up something, however, it could lead to an even greater outcome than expected. Are you trying to compromise with someone? Watch “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” and see how they compromise as a couple to complete their mission.

How can I recognize other people’s conflict styles by the way they handle conflict?

There are many ways to recognize other people’s conflict styles in real life and in group projects. In previously home works we did we read many articles explaining the importance of to set a norm in your group. That way you can acknowledge everyone's problems and can feel confident in saying listen here are some pointers to help you get back on the right path way. Just like in a relationship you both have to recognize each others sings, meaning you pick up on the singles that would so say push your buttons. One tip I would use is to pick a day that works for the both of you, so that clear drama free day and talk about what sings you and your love one do that push your buttons. Now do just go in like a war general you have to slowly get into it start off with small things so that way as time passes you can work your way up to telling your love one when you're not in the mood or just having a bad day and now know how to address it you can easily avoid conflict. Now I’m no hitch but I’ve been around the block a few times and I can say my most successful relationships have been when the both of us can tell what emotions are in the room so that way we don’t have to bump heads. Also with that tip it builds a trust wall so that way you can make self-improvement milestones, which will really have a positive effect on how far your relationship will go.

By Mike Prince

Are conflicts causing you too much tension? Relax and unwind, so you can better solve your conflicts!

Horoscopes Aries TaurusYou may feel as if you are Everything has been smootheavoiding something that needs sailing lately for you, Taurus, to be addressed, Aries. The however you feel as if you arelonger you hold on to this burden, in a competition with everyonethe harder it will be to face the around you. Take a step back, actual problem. Be brave, before take a deep breath, and realize the burden becomes too heavy. that you have people on your side.

GeminiYou feel like yoursignificant other is unable compromise with you lately, Gemini. Try showing more compassion to them and you will find a way to meet in the middle.

By Samantha Schall

LeoThere is an important project coming up in your future Leo, that will test your ability to work well with others. Due to the moon phases during this time, you will find yourself collaborating with the ideas of others, making you a more open-minded individual.

Cancer The time has

come to accommodate in a way to someone other than yourself, Cancer. Do not fear, whatever it is that you have to accommodate, you will and the other party will both have full cooperation on the matter.

Virgo You may find yourself feeling

as if someone important has been avoiding you. You only have to worry if you approach this person and they use the term “I’m fine”, but you’re most likely over thinking the situation, Virgo.

Libra

Drama seems to be followingyou around, Libra. Althoughyou are not known to be adramatic person, don’t avoidthis problem. Avoiding won’tmake you win, it will make everyone lose.

ScorpioA strengthof yours, Scorpio, is that you are a very good compromiser. When someone close to you starts acting in a way you don’t like, don’t get mad. Instead, find a way to meet in the middle with that person for the issue.

Sagittarius You are a lucky one, Sagittarius. You have the ability to accommodate to the needs of others. Don’t forget about this skill next time you are placed in an unfamiliar situation. People will gravitate to you for your cooperation abilities.

Capricorn Getting

what you want has always come easy for you, Capricorn. You like feeling like you’ve won something, but is time to stop competing with everyone around you. You will find yourself happier through your days once you let go of your assertive ways.

AquariusYou are known for you amazing collaboration skills, Aquarius. Don’t be discouraged if things are taking time to fall into place, the best ideas take the most amount of time to integrate.

Pisces There has been a problem in your relationship, Pisces that you have been avoiding in the hopes that it will go away. As hard as it may be, avoiding is not the solution and it won’t lead to any cooperation. Once this problem is addressed, weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

How Our Editors Deal With Conflict

Paisley FisherI grew up in a household where we confronted conflicts head on. My parents raised my siblings and I to say what we mean, and mean what we say. Meaning, whenever we were confronted with a conflict, we were to speak to the person directly. When dealing with a conflict, I confront the person and let them know what exactly the problem is that I am having. This way works best because it limits any misunderstanding. A misunderstanding can come about if one were to speak to another friend about the issue and the friend tells the other person the wrong thing. I use this method because I found that the person respects you more when you come to them yourself. By directly speaking to the person, it makes it easier to come up with ways to resolve the issue at hand. When speaking to the person, I first tell them what the issue is. Next, I allow them to express their opinions on the issue. Finally, I try to figure out the best way to solve the conflict.

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.”

~Thomas Paine

Catie GoinsFrom an early age, I was always taught to confront

conflicts in a very respectful manner. To not only address the conflict, but do it in a way that is efficient, and the other person can also express their opinion and and point of view.

A lot of conflicts come from misunderstandings or miscommunications. I often try and address situations by taking a step back and trying to understand what the other person is thinking or feeling.

I usually solve conflicts using the compromise or collaboration style. Whenever I am involved in a conflict I always want everyone to be involved and allow everyone’s opinion to be involved or present in some way possible. Although compromising and collaborating is not the ultimate win for everyone, it helps people communicate and both allow their opinions and feelings to be involved.

“Seek to understand before you seek to be understood.”

- Adam Barragato

Mike PrinceNow I grew up in a family full of ladies which means they're always going to be some head clashing but overall it will die down. And my mom taught me the importance of how to point out these signs so that way as I grew older I can get in the middle and talk them down and get them in right mood aging. And I just used my mom tips for just everyday conflict or just when I’m around friends so that way I can pick up on people sings. I feel like sometimes if you just sit back and take a view on your surroundings and people watch for a min then you can pick sings on what other people are doing but know how to approach a certain problem. I always tell my friends to also try to pick up this tip why if you can read a women body language then conversation is easy. It flows making the both you know this is leading somewhere and letting my friend know her body language won’t shut down.

Samantha Schall Conflict is something that everyone faces, no one is given a special ticket at birth saying “you will live a conflict free life”. In my personal life, I find the most conflict in my relationships with people closest to me. I believe that the people who you feel the most comfortable with at the ones who you will find yourself knocking heads with. Avoiding conflict doesn’t work for me because there is no cooperation and the problem will just keep building. I’m a compromiser, although my compromising skills work the best when i’m helping other people reach an agreement. When dealing with conflict, it is important to remember that you should always follow the advice you would give to others who are engaged in a conflict. Ultimately, I hope to reach the goal of being a collaborator. It takes a long time to collaborate ideas, and I believe with all of the experiences I am going through now, these lessons will help me know how to become that collaborator as I grow.

Brittni ScottTwo hotheads in a cold placeMy boyfriend and i both have hot tempers, which makes most situations extremely difficult. Our relationship comes with a lot of heated debates, conflict, and tension. Being hotheads, we both deal with a lot of compromise and accommodation. When conflict arises, I always have to ask myself “is this worth the argument?” If not, then it is time to accommodate and let him win. If so, then I try to come to a compromise when we both feel like we’ve won, but he has to let me win sometimes too. Patience is key in our hot headed battle. I always try to listen before I speak and make sure he knows that i have heard and understood him. When I am angry, he purposely makes me laugh, which calms me down enough for us to have a mature conversation.One thing I have always learned when it comes to conflict in relationships is even if you win, it is still possible to lose. The best conflict, is no conflict. Compromise is key!

Thank You for Solving Conflict with DATEE