communicating by chris robinson communicating… communicating by chris robinson communicating…...

Communicating by Chris Robinson

Communicating…


Communicating…

• Good communicators are successful with friends, family, colleagues,

customers, employees and the opposite sex!

• Good communicators avoid unproductive confrontations

• Good communication skills can be learnt

• Good communicators are happier and more fulfilled


In order to be a good communicator you

have to understand why people behave

the way they do

Your quality of life is equal to your

quality of communications


What makes people tick?

• Why do people behave the way they do?

• Freud

• Penfield

• Berne

• Transactional Analyses


Freud• Interested in the human psyche

• We are what we are as a result of our experience as we develop our sexuality

• Our sexuality starts to develop around the time of potty training

• Our sexuality goes on developing as we identify with our Parents and the people around us

• Emotional problems are due to unhelpful or traumatic experiences as we develop our sexuality and personalities


Penfield

• Penfield was a neurosurgeon

• Whilst working on peoples brains Penfield discovered that

the application of an electrical voltage, to the brain, could

stimulate past experiences as though they were happening

today

• The past experience could be from infancy

• Penfield concluded that experiences from a very early age

stay with throughout our lives


Berne

The Pre social age is the most formative period in our lives• A baby loved and cared for, with ample time from both

parents, will grow up with a healthy opinion of himself, he will be happy, confident and creative

• Deprived of love and attention he will lack Self-Esteem• Babies have to be fed – Positive stimulus

• Baby starts to feed himself, crawl and walk – can be Negative

• During Berne’s observations he noticed three ego states– The son’s smile which turns to rage as father rebukes his theory– The daughters transformation as she is told she can date the boy– The Parent, Adult and Child ego states


Parent

Adult

Child

The Ego states - Diagram


Being aware of Ego states

• How far back can you remember?

• Was it fact or feeling?

• Think of a dramatic experience

– How did you feel?

– How did you react?

• Which Ego state were you in?

• Which Ego state was the other person in?


Transactions

• The Unit of Social Intercourse

• Stimulus and Response

• Analysing which Ego State we are in

• Analysing the other persons Ego State

• Complimentary Transactions

• Complex or Ulterior Transactions


Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Formal & controlled


Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Informative & helpful


Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Intimate & creative


Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Other Good Transactions


Transactional Analyses

• We have looked at Complimentary Transactions now we

will look at;-

• Crossed Transactions

• Complex or Ulterior Transactions


Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Crossed Transactions


Parent

Adult

Child

Parent

Adult

Child

Ulterior Transactions


Analysing Transactions

• Body Language

• Facial Clues

• Gestures

• Tone of Voice

• The Words Used


Parental Clues

• Furrowed Brow

• Eye Block

• Pursed Lips

• Pointing Finger

• Head Wagging

• Horrified looks

• Foot Tapping

• Hands on Hips

• Wringing Hands

• Crossed Arms

• Tongue Clicking

• Tutting, sighing, patting of head

• Should

• Ought

• Always

• Never

• Answer questions with a Question

• The Parent relies on memory

• Enjoins to a higher authority

• Takes a fixed position

• Makes statements, not conversation


Child Clues

• Tears

• Quivering

• Pouting

• Temper

• Rolling eyes

• Whining

• Shrugging

• Downcast eyes

• Laughter

• Squirming

• Giggling

• Prolific use of the word ‘I’

• Otherwise less verbal

• The Child relies on feelings

• Child is centre of world

• Cannot consider other people’s position


Adult Clues

• Eye Blink every 3 to 5

Seconds

• Facial Movement

• Slight Changes in Posture

• Occasionally the curious

Child will Show

• How

• Why

• Where

• When

• Who

• Probable

• Possible

• The Adult Computes


The Adult Ego State• The Adult Computes the here and now

• Takes into consideration what the Parent remembers and how the Child feels

• Let the Adult ask of the Parent Ego state;

– Is it true?

– Does it apply?

– Is it appropriate

– Where did the idea come from?

– Is it real?

• Let the Adult ask of the Child Ego state;

– Are these feelings reasonable?

– What are the consequences?

– Who is responsible and for what?


Recognise Your Own PAC

Recognise your own PAC

Recognise the PAC in others

Communicate positively

In business, aim for Adult to Adult, where possible but never crossed

transactions

Do not play Games

Be creative

Recognise when Games are being played and do not get drawn in


Being Successful

Keep the Adult in charge

Know when your Parent and Child Ego states are aroused

Be good natured – careful use of humour can help

Avoid auto responses to stimuli

Do not take fixed positions unless you have to

If you must take fixed positions allow others to express their

own opinions


The Games People Play

• Let’s be intimate

• Let’s you and him fight

• Mine is bigger than yours

• Been there – done that

• Kiss off

• I’m no good at

• Court Room

• Wise old sage


Prejudice

• Prejudice is where the Parent dominates the Adult

• Mental Block

• Use repetitive statements to reinforce mental block

• In isolation of the facts the statements sound wise – they

sound Parental


Delusion

• Child dominates the Adult

• Withdrawal

• Day dreaming, fantasy

• Grounded in fear of reality

Parent

Adult

Child


A-Moral

• Parent is detached from AdultParent

Adult

Child


Workaholic

• Child is detached from AdultParent

Adult

Child


Alcohol

• Parent becomes detached from Adult

• Then the Adult becomes detached

from the Child

• The Child runs a mock

Parent

Adult

Child


Psychotic

• Adult, Parent and Child

are all detached or;

• The Adult does not exists

Parent

Adult

Child


Transactional Analyses - Recap

• Lets recap on last module

• Parent Ego State

• Child Ego State

• Adult Ego State

• Transactional Analyses

• Complimentary Transactions

• Experience of last week


Aggressive Behaviour

• We go on the attack

• Our Parent speaks to the other persons Child

• We stand up for our rights at the expense of others

• We don’t allow others to express their views

• We express ourselves inappropriately

– We make threats

– Enjoin ourselves to higher authority

– Use aggressive language – verbal and body language


Submissive Behaviour

• We are Defensive and Defend ourselves

• Our Child speaks to their Parent

• We fail to stand up for what is just and right

• We become self effacing, even apologetic

• We see ourselves as less important

• Cannot express ourselves creatively


Assertive Behaviour

• There is a better way – Be Assertive!

• Stand up for yourself, but

• Let others stand up for their selves

• Think of examples of Aggressive, Submissive and

Assertive Behaviour!

• When were you last Assertive?

• How did you feel?

• Will you work this week-end?


Appropriate Behaviour

• Submissive to those we respect

• Aggressive to those we do not

• Assertive most of the time

– Express your views

– Allow other to express their views


Self Esteem

• Ability

• Perception of Self

• As other see us

• We should like ourselves and feel we have value

• We should surround ourselves with people who like us

who are Assertive

• Self Esteem must be in reality


Leadership

• Listen to colleagues and customers and value what they

say

• Consider their point of view and discuss

• Enter into agreement, action plan, etc

• Provide feedback with praise, helpful comments and

suggestions, as appropriate

• Always ground comments in reality


Submissive People

• Ramble

• Qualify what they say

• Use words like;-

• Maybe, would you mind, I wonder, Sorry, Can’t, hopeless,

not important,

• Doesn’t matter, never mind


Aggressive People

• Use a lot of I’s

• State opinions as facts

• Use threats, enjoin themselves to higher authorities

• Put people down, undermine their self-confidence

• Use words like;-

• Ought, must, should, have to, blame, fault and you said


Assertive People

• Stay in Adult mode as much as possible

• Ask open questions such as How? When? Where? What?

• Want to know more about the problems and how they affect others

• Consider other points of view

• Distinguish between facts and opinions

• Have broad shoulders and can reduce tensions

• Do not get so upset

• Can vent negative feelings in a positive way


Good Communicators

• Think about what they are going to say before they say it

• Make sure they can express themselves clearly before they

try to communicate

• Sometimes it can take more time thinking about how to

express yourself than what you want to express!


Successful People

• Enjoy life, work, friends and family

• Are more confident in themselves and others

• Like themselves

• Keep in control

• Can handle responsibility

• Are Team players

• Save time, energy and frustration

• Can relax and have a sense of humour!


Support Calls

• Ask for name of person and company first• Always log on the support system, if down – keep notes• Support system:-

– prompts for questions you might forget– analyses calls and problems– provides statistical feedback and customer reports– Gives account status

• Don’t get flustered – say you have to follow a procedure• Convention has it that who made the call, remakes it if the

line is broken


Should you take the call?

• Is the customer on a valid contract?

• Are you the best person to help?

• Do they have a support problem or should they buy an

upgrade, more storage, training or consultancy?

• Have you got the tools to do the job?


Don’t get flustered!

• People are more likely to be Aggressive if:-

– They know they have made an error

– They want to hide their error

– There is no valid Support Contract

– They know you cannot solve the problem

• Line or supply problem, hardware or network down

– They have had problems getting through

• Stay calm, breath properly, say you have to follow the company procedures

• Listen and be patient with the customer as this reduces the tension and heat –

don’t interrupt!

• Say you are sorry they are frustrated, angry etc – this is not the same as

apologising because you are in the wrong!


Customers don’t tell the truth!

• Always reflect their problem

– RASP Re-iterate, analyse, summarise, priorities

• Reflect the problem in different ways

• Make sure you fully understand the problem before giving

a solution


Improve your hit rate

• Do not give a solution to test your understanding of their

problem – you will loose credibility!

• Check the Support system for similar problems and

solutions

• If you must test your understanding of the problem try

“Our diagnostics tell me you should try..”

• Try to avoid standard answers

• Practice improving your hit rate


Ambiguous problems

• Ask the Customer “What would you like me to do for you?”

• How would you like to have this resolved?

• The Customer might want less than you would have offered!

• Think about Customers solution – it might be better than yours!

• The Customer might work out how to solve his own problem

• Is the solution on offer sensible, practical, safe?


Difficult problems

• Reduce support problems by selling;-

– Consultancy

– Training

– Upgrades

– Tools

– Other products and services


Be positive

• Only say what you can do

• Only promise you will do your best or you will call them back by….

• Record all promises made with time and date

• Record all sales opportunities – send info

• Don’t say what you cannot do – say what you can do and balance that

with what you can’t do

• Ask them “Is that helpful?”

• If possible, get their commitment to the solution


Be in control

• You are obliged to know what you are doing – your customer is not so:-

• Have a friendly manner• Be slightly more formal in difficult situations• Give the impression you are

– In control– You care– You are pleased to help

• Remember; tone of voice and body language are just as important, if not more important, than the words you used


Be professional

• Keep to central issues

• Stick to the facts

• Keep one eye on problem and one on upgrades

• Priorities

• Close are calls as soon as reasonable

• Never hang up first

• Try not to offer favours – they backfire!

• Be formal and friendly

• Never be familiar – matey!


Managing Stress

• What is stress?

• Is stress good or bad?

• Positive stress

• Negative stress

• Everyone is different


Stress Awareness

• What stresses you?

• How does stress affect you?

• Strength and duration of stress?

• Symptoms of stress

– Short term• Breathing, heart beat, blood pressure, tensing, back ache

– Long term• Headaches, days off, low well being, depression, insomnia


How to handle stress

• Keep fit, get regular exercise, walks

• Improve your diet

• Get a hobby or outside interest you can look forward to

• Try to reduce stress in your private life

• Book a holiday or other break


Stress at work - 1

• Pace yourself– Prioritise jobs for the day and write them down

– Tick jobs off as they are completed

– Set rest periods and lunch breaks

– Try to work on one problem at a time

• Learn to takes breaks– Get someone to cover for you

– Tell reception you need a break

– Go for a walk and breath properly

– Tidy your desk before you go


Stress at work – 2

• Prioritise jobs by urgency and importance

• Allow for interruptions

• Organise your desk so you can always find things

• Change your seating posture regularly

• Regulate getting up to see colleagues


Stress at work - 3

• Stress often comes from trying to help when you not have the:-– Skills, tools or equipment

– Authority

– Time

– Support of your colleagues or boss

• Stress can come from always wanting to be in control, ask yourself:-– Is it my responsibility?

– Why do I want to help?

– Do I want to help for ulterior reasons?

– Why can’t others learn for themselves?


Stress is catching

• Control stress in yourself

• Recognise stress in others

• Support your colleagues

• Leadership is the ability to structure time

• So, structure your time and help others structure their time

– they will appreciate it!


Analysing stress

• In moments of stress use your adult to analyse:-– What is stressing you?

– How do you feel?

– Is it reasonable to feel this way?

• Try to understand the cause of stress and put right as much as you can

• Dissipate the remaining stress by:-– Going for a walk

– Dig the garden

– Switching off


Long term solutions

• Think about:-

– Your job description

– Learning new skills

– Discuss training with your supervisor

– Changing your attitudes

– Learning more about yourself


Balance

• Always ask yourself:-

– Am I getting to worked up?

– Am I being wound up?

– Am I looking at this from the wrong point of view?

• Always try to:-

– Reduce negative feelings and irrational thoughts

• Try not to fantasize


Your Target

• Get physically fit:-– Diet, exercise, glasses, pace yourself, breath properly, sleep well

• Get mentally fit:-– Know yourself, strengths and weaknesses– Know your past, present and future – have plans– Book a holiday– Stimulate the brain, read, hobbies, games, etc

• Get spiritually fit:-– Feel good about yourself– Feel good about others– Be a good colleague, friend, partner, lover!– See the good in everything!

• Be successful! – That is your target!


Managing Time

• Self starting

• Sorting priorities

• Planning ahead

• Managing time

• Time is what you make it

• Interruptions

• Recording time


Self Starting

• Develop the ability to structure time

• Help others structure their time

• Fear of starting can be biggest problem

• Start on easiest or most enjoyable job to get you going

• Build up to difficult jobs

• You do need some discipline in life!


Prioritising

• Keep a list of jobs to be done

• Sort jobs by priority and urgency

• As jobs are done, tick them off!

• Do not work on easy jobs to avoid the difficult jobs

• Do not take on to much work

• Recognise when you have to little work


Planning Ahead

• Plan journeys so you complete the longest leg first

• Plan journeys in advance so you can combine the most

visits

• Think about jobs well in advance and plan them in

advance

• ‘The One Minute Manager’


Managing time

Use it or waste it

• Build in breaks and relaxation

• Vary the type of work you do

– Get up regularly

– Alternate keyboard time with other tasks

• Try to leave your desk tidy

• Keep your jobs list up to date

• The ability to structure time is important

• Help others structure their time – if you can


Time is what you make it

• Exciting or boring

• Pace and control time

• Review your Jobs list and reflect on what you have done

• Reorganise what you have not done

• Keep one eye on the present and one on the future


Interruptions

• Plan for time and leave time for interruptions

• Interruptions can make life interesting

• Stand if you are under pressure on time

• Sit and discuss if you:-– Have the time

– It is important to the other person

• If you interrupt, use the persons name

• Don’t procrastinate


Recording Time

• Time recording can be about:-

– Costing a project

– Analysing how you spend your time

• Analyse your time for a day or a week

• Record activities as you do them or you will forget

• Include the time you spend chatting socially


Code Activities 1

• Work:-

– W1 Computer time

– W2 Customer support

– W3 Productive time

– W4 Reading Manuals

– W5 Meetings

– W6 Paper work


Coding Activities 2

• Social:-

– S1 Customers

– S2 Colleagues

– S3 The Boss

– S4 Suppliers


Coding Activities 3

• Breaks:-

– B1 Coffee

– B2 Loo

– B3 Go to shops

– B4 Smoking


Coding Activities 4

• Meetings:-

– M1 Boss

– M2 Customers

– M3 Suppliers

– M4 Colleagues

• Learn and improve!

• Successful people never stop learning!


Delegation

• Delegation is a way of saving time

• You can:-

– Ask, hint, suggest, discuss, tell,

• Or you can Involve:-

– Identify together what needs to be done

– Sort activities by importance and urgency

– Discuss who does what

• Be assertive

• Let others be assertive


Understand and Review

• Objectives

• Methods

• Authority

• Standards

• Criteria for success

• Reporting requirements


Delegation Summary

• Delegating is:-

– Another pair of hands

– Help

– Saving time

– Being effective

– Being efficient

• Delegating is not:-

– Abdication

– Passing the buck

– Getting out of or avoiding situations

• Authority can be delegated but not responsibility


Delegation Feedback

• You need feedback to learn and compare

• The Boss can provide feedback with a pat on the back or by saying well done

• The Worker can provide feedback if the Boss asks:-– Did you enjoy the work

– Was it interesting

– Did you learn from the job

– What did you dislike about the job

– What support would you like

– What training would help?

• It is all about team work and building a team!


Account Management for Support Staff

• Reduce support calls from difficult users

• Support problems are someone's else's opportunities –

Make them yours!

• Reduce work on out of date systems

• Increase revenues for the Company

• Become a profit centre

• Get bonuses on sales


The role of Support Staff – 1

• Do you feel you are the only person who can help?

• Do you feel only you knows best?

• How many approaches are there to solving the users

particular problem?

• Training, Consultancy, Sales

• What are the pro’s and con’s of each approach?


The role of Support Staff – 2

• Keep on eye on today and the other on the future

• Help the User manage their site

• Know your Users business needs

• Know your Users future needs – before they do!

• Feed information to your User so when they have a

problem – they think of you

• Should the User upgrade hardware, software, systems,

network, server, storage?


Types of Problems

• Difficult Users

• Difficult problems

• Ambiguous problems

• Poor installation, training or consultancy

• The answer might not be Support – It might be sell more!


Who is the User

• Is there a Key Operator?

• What issues do they have?

• What motivates them?

• How many Users are there?




Who is the Decision Maker?

• You know your Users future needs but who is:-

– The Decision Maker?

– What motivates them?

– What is the benefit to the Decision Maker?

– Who influences the Decision maker?


The Decision Making Unit

• There are others in the Decision Making unit:-

– Managing Director

– Financial Director

– Technical Director

– IT Director/Manager

– Sales Director

– Operations Director




Anticipating Problems

• Try to anticipate problems – be analytical

• Feed Users and Decision Makers with information

• Send sales information regularly

• Keep the Sales Department informed

• Use the Sales Department to solve your problems

• Fax details so the information is available at the time of

the problem – not 2 weeks later!


Things to consider

• Try saying “You know – if you had Version ?? - This would not be a problem

• You know you ought to be thinking about more memory, a bigger server, more storage, etc.

• Always justify what you say with a benefit

• Try “Does your Supervisor know how hard you have to work to keep this version working?”

• Speak with authority – Tell them!

• Always warn Users of problems in advance – try helping them manage their site


Training the Trainers

• Who are the interested parties:-

– Managers, Trainee’s, Supervisors

• Establish what each party wants, needs and expects from the training

• Over what time scales and with what resources?

• Establish what the Trainee:-

– Knows

– Does not know

– Needs to know

– Would like to know


What can be Agreed?

• Agree criteria for judging whether the training has been

successful

• Set targets which challenging and interesting, not off

putting – agree targets with Trainee

• Plan the training and agree which things are:-

– Important and which are urgent

• Where, when and how should the training be delivered?

• What must the Trainee undertake to do?


How is the Training Going?

• Measure ability before and after training so the benefit

becomes tangible

• Is the Trainee’s perspective of progress in reality?

• Does the Trainee feel comfortable?

• Is the Trainee thriving? (Body language clues)

• If not, consider altering the approach, speed, content or

rest breaks


Summary

• At the end of each training session:-

– Summarise what you have covered and what they

should have learnt

– Get them to agree what went well

– Get them to agree to do some reading, research,

practice, before the next Training session


The End of Training

• Encourage the Trainee to see their Training as part of a

continuous process

• Identify what Training they should consider next

• Identify where extra Training might be required, what

books or articles to read

• End Training on a high!

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