communication modeling for personal and professional excellence - jun 2009

© International Institute of Business Analysis™

Communication Modeling for Personal and Professional Excellence

Launch Celebration

Guest Speaker: Ernest Hicks

June 4, 2009 This event is

sponsored by

2 © International Institute of Business Analysis™

Agenda

§  1. Welcome and Chapter Update

§  2. Upcoming Programs §  3. June Program with Guest Speaker Ernest Hicks


Chapter Update §  1. Chapter Charter §  2. Chapter Board of Director Elections §  3. Chapter Membership §  4. Chapter Surveys §  6. Volunteer Opportunities Chapter Website: rochesterny.theiiba.org


Upcoming Programs §  Thursday, 7/16 – Summer Networking (i.e. – Happy HourJ) at Pomodoro Grill

§  Thursday, 8/13 – Summer Networking at Pomodoro Grill

§  Thursday, 9/24 – “Bringing Software Requirements to Life” Lunch Program with Guest speaker David Walker from Borland at Sanibel Cottage

§ 


Upcoming Programs §  Thursday, 10/22 – “Visualization of Requirements” Lunch event with Matt Smith from iRise at Sanibel Cottage

§  Thursday, 11/19 – Dinner event with Blueprint at Sanibel Cottage

§  Thursday, 12/10 – Holiday Dinner Party at Sanibel Cottage

Effective Communications

The Map Is Not The Territory The image cannot be displayed. Your computer may not have enough memory to open the image, or the image may have been corrupted. Restart your computer, and then open the file again. If the red x still appears, you may have to delete the image and then insert it again.

It Is Only “A” Map Of The Territory Ernest L. Hicks 585-423-6157

8*223-6157

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Basic Presuppositions J  The meaning of your communication is the response it elicits

J  There are no failures in communication, only responses

J  Recognizing responses requires clean open sensory channels

J  Individuals process all information through their five senses

J  Individuals with the most flexibility have the highest probability of achieving the response they desire

J  Individuals have all the resources necessary to make any desired change

J  Individuals have two levels of communications: conscious and unconscious

J  There is inherent value in all individuals regardless of the appropriateness of their behavior

J  Individuals operate from their perception of the world rather than what the world really is.

Effective Communications

‘Communication” is the process that occurs when a perceived behavior in one person causes a “significant” mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual reaction in another person Since silence, withdrawal, and absence can cause significant mental and emotional reactions, it is impossible to “not communicate.” What is Effective “Communication”? Two or more people communicate effectively when each feels clear at the end that

Ø  “My main (primary) needs have been met well enough,... Ø  in a way that pleases me well enough.”

The odds of this happening in typical interpersonal situations are about 25%!

What is Communication?

The Meaning Of Your Communication

GGeenneerriicc VViissuuaall AAuuddiittoorryy KKiinneesstthheettiicc

I understand you I see your point I hear what youare saying

I feel that I am intouch with whatyou’re saying

I want tocommunicatesomething toyou

I want you totake a look atthis

I want to makethis loud andclear

I want you to get agrasp on this

Do youunderstand whatI am trying tocommunicate?

Am I painting aclear picture?

Does what I amsaying soundright to you?

Are you able to getan handle on this?

I know that to betrue

I know beyond ashadow of adoubt that this istrue

That informationis accurate wordfor word

That information isas solid as a rock

I am not sureabout that

That is prettyhazy to me

That doesn’treally ring a bell

I am not sure I’mfollowing you

How People Perceive Communications

Aid K

Kinesthetic Internal & External Feelings Auditory

Internal Dialogue

Ac

Auditory Constructing Words, Dialogue

Ar

Auditory Remembering Words, Dialogue

Vc

Visual Constructed Images

Vr

Visual Recalled Images

Eye Cues

Submodality Checklist

VISUAL color, clarity

shade position

movement flat

association shape

movie snapshot

distance foreground

Visual

Vc Vr

AUDITORY tone, tempo direction pitch internal volume sounds frequency words location external intensity associated disassociated

Auditory

Ac Ar


KINESTHETIC temperature size

movement shape

moisture weight

duration internal external texture

location frequency

kinesthetic

K


Practice Activity Now I can see what you are saying

I really feel excited

And I have to ask myself how this affects me

I would probably express it this way

I remember you said just those words There are so many

things that I can see myself doing

Visual Remembered What color are your mother’s eyes? What color is your car? How many doors are in your house?/apartment

Constructed Images How much is 330 divided by 3 Describe how you would look on a TV screen See yourself ten pounds lighter

Auditory Think of one of your favorite songs- hum it to yourself How does your car sound? Remember the last conversation with the last person you saw last night

Kinesthetic Which is colder- your right or left arm? Feel the heat of hot sand Remember how you felt with your first kiss

Questions to Elicit Specific Eye Accessing

✪  Only 7% of communication on the unconscious level comes through language.

✪  93% ---- your voice, body, as well as words

✪  MATCHING, moving the same side of the body

✪  MIRRORING, being a mirror image



Rapport

Rapport

Ø  Rapport is a state in which a person is most responsive to you

Ø  When people are like each other they tend to like each other

Ø  On the other hand when people are not like each other, they tend to not like each other

What are Your Goals?

Unhealthy Goals Ø  Be Right

Ø  Look good/ save face

Ø  Win

Ø  Punish, blame

Ø  Avoid Conflict

Goals of Dialogue Ø  Learn

Ø  Find the Truth

Ø  Produce Results

Ø  Build and Strengthen Relationships

Crucial Conversations Tools for talking when stakes are high, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny Ron Mc Millan, Al Switzler

The first thing that degrades during a crucial conversation is not our behavior (second) but motives, and we rarely see it happening

Ø An anchor is a technique that establishes a conditioned response in a person using words, pictures, touch or gestures.

- Person is fully associated - Present or past experience

Anchoring

Understand what actions, behavior, words or Stimuli cause you to respond automatically to Certain situations Example 1.Stimulus: song 2.Modality auditory 3.Response “I get teary 4.Connection When I said good-bye to my best friend

Identifying A Personal Anchor

Listening Filters Ø  Our automatic way of listening is reactive, listening to Ø  Our little voice reacts to what we think we hear

I already know this What’s the point? This is like--- Where is this going? What’s in it for me? Will this work?

Ø  Focus is on the information that validates your thinking

Ø  You miss out on the new information you didn’t know that could have created new possibilities, growth and development

Managing Your Listening

leadership and The Art of Conversation, Kim Krisco

Beliefs Values Attitudes Personality

Culture

Prejudices Interests

Expectations

Assumptions

Memories Images past and future Past experience

Filters

Ø Although all of us possess these internal lenses, we are often blind to them. We do not realize how much they “color” what we hear and how we respond.

Ø Being aware of these filtering lenses is a significant step in becoming a better listener.

Affirmative Listening Ø  Affirmative Listening is listening for- Listening for the possibility Ø  Instead of listening through “ I know this” try listening through “ I don’t

know this Ø  Listen for new ideas, how you are alike, for ways to collaborate, shared

values Ø  Affirmative listening connects you to others rather than separate you from

others

Managing Your Listening

What is spoken

What is HEARD

What is spoken

What is HEARD

REACTIVE AFFIRMATIVE


Preparing an Issue For Discussion Ø The Issue is: Be concise. One or two sentences, is it a concern, challenge,

opportunity, recurring problem?

Ø It is Significant Because: What’s at stake, How does it affect dollars, income, customers, the future.

Ø My Ideal Outcome: What specific results do I want

Ø Relevant Background Information: How, when, why and where did the issue start.

Ø What I have done up to this point: What have I done so far, What options am I considering?

Ø The help I want from the group is: What result do I want

Fierce Conversations, Achieving Success at Work & In Life,Susan Scott

Learn to Make Proper Request Ø  Saying exactly what you want Ø  Saying exactly when you want it Ø  Saying exactly who you want it from The operative word is exactly. The less precise you are in making your request, the greater the chance you will not get what you want or expect. When we don’t get what we want we usually blame someone else, but the majority of the time it’s our fault.

Making Things happen


There are only four proper replies or responses to request Ø  Accept Ø  Decline Ø  Counteroffer Ø  Promise to reply later If you let someone give you anything except one of these responses, there is a good chance that the action you want and need will not be forthcoming

Getting Proper Replies


Many replies you will get are actually vague non- responses Ø  I’ll think about it Ø  I’ll look into that Ø  I’ll try Ø  That’s a great idea Ø  As soon as I can get to it Ø  That’s outside of my control, but I’ll see what I can do Ø  I’ll see what my boss says

Dealing With Non-responses


Ø  Step 1: Connect with the person or group you are enrolling –  what are one or two things the people I am enrolling are committed to? –  What ways have I demonstrated my commitment?

Ø  Step 2: Share your personal commitment, and connect their commitment with yours.

–  What commitment is driving, or behind my effort? –  What are the ways my successful efforts will satisfy both their

commitment and my own

Ø  Step 3: Allow the people you are enrolling to involve themselves in the process.

–  How do I expect people to respond to what has been said? –  How will I react, and what will I say, when they do respond? –  How would like them to respond?

The Enrollment Process


Ø  Step 4: Once you feel you have made your connection, move on to your request.

–  Exactly what do I want, exactly when, and exactly whom do I want it from?

–  What will happen or stop happening if I get what I want, and when will it start or stop happening?

Ø  Step 5: Get a committed response. –  What are four proper responses I will accept?

Ø  Step 6: Summarize the conversation and the outcomes –  again, how will granting my request enable my

commitments and theirs to be realized?

The Enrollment Process


Principles For Communicating With People Ø All People are motivated. We cannot motivate them. We can only guide them by

their motivations.

Ø People do things for their own reasons; not for Yours Or mine. Show people what they want and they will move Heaven and Earth to get it.

Ø People change because of pain. When the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing, People will change.

Ø The key to all effective communication is identification. When something becomes personal, It Becomes interesting.

Ø The best way to get people to pay attention to you is to pay attention to them. Little things mean a lot.

By Nido R. Qubein

Principles For Communicating With People

Ø Pride is a powerful motivator. Everybody is proud of something.

Ø You cannot change people; only their behaviors. Attack the behavior; not the person.

Ø The worker's perception becomes the supervisor's reality. What they see is what you get.

Ø You consistently get the behaviors you consistently expect and reinforce. Reinforcement can be positive or negative.

Ø We all judge ourselves by our motives; but we judge others by their actions. Any of us can do anything we can convince ourselves we are justified in doing.

By Nido R. Qubein

Wisdom has two parts: 1) Having a lot to say, 2) And not saying it.

What does it take to create win-win solutions? Ø  We need to focus on needs and interests rather than wants and positions.

Ø  We need to be honest about our wants and needs, then discover the other person's wants and needs.

Ø  Attitude and belief are critical to the success of this process.

Ø  What principles do you base your words and actions on?

Ø  What are your values and beliefs?

Ø  What is your purpose in life, your personal mission?

This is the starting point for all your communications with yourself and others.

The Meaning Of Your Communication

Thank You

.

Practice Activity I really feel excited

And I have to ask myself how this affects me

I would probably express it this way

But those past experiences are hard to forget I remember you said

just those words

Vc K

Ac Aid

Vr Ar

There are so many things that I can see

myself doing

Now I can see what you are saying

Vc

Seven Conversational Principles Ø  Be aware of the power of conversation and pay close

attention to how you speak and listen

Ø  Don’t dwell on past-domain conversations; use them to establish a connection and then move on

Ø  Be aware of, manage, and change the broad invisible unspoken conversations that determine the way people see and interpret the world.

You Have The Power


Seven Conversational Principles continued...

Ø  Shift the conversation first from the past to the future and

then to the present

Ø  Manage your listening and that of others by couching and by substituting affirmative for reactive listening

Ø  Distinguish between those things that exist in substance and those that exist in language, and act appropriately

Ø  Consciously and intentionally manage and shape your image as someone people listen to attentively

You Have The Power


communication modeling for personal and professional excellence - jun 2009

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