community spec script "innacurate acknowledgment"

8/13/2019 COMMUNITY Spec Script "Innacurate Acknowledgment"

1/25

COMMUNITY

"Inaccurate Acknowledgment"

Written by

Michael M. Jones

[email protected]


2/25

COLD OPEN

FADE IN:

INT. STUDY ROOM - MORNING

The STUDY GROUP hang out. BRITTA has a bottle of water mixedwith a red energy drink powder. DEAN PELTON enters with thenew student counselor, CHLOE FOSTER (late twenties),beautiful, blonde, professional.

DEAN PELTONDean-Dong!

(chuckles)Everybody, this is Chloe Foster.She is Greendales new studentcounselor!

JEFF is automatically fascinated by her beauty. He stands upto shake her hand. Everybody else politely waves.

JEFFHello, Im Jeff Winger.

CHLOEIts a pleasure to meet you, Jeff.Im Chloe Foster.

ANNIEWhat happened to the other studentcounselor?

DEAN PELTONWell... lets just say she gotcaught in a bit of a catnappingfiasco.

ANNIEOh no!

DEAN PELTONOh, Its okay. Most of the catsinvolved were returned to their

rightful owners.

SHIRLEYMost?

DEAN PELTONYeahhh... The little ones werentfound until it was too late. Theywere hidden inside empty boxes ofFroot Loops.


3/25

Troy looks at Abed.

TROYFollow my nose! It always knows!

Abed looks at Troy.

ABEDThe flavor of fruit! Wherever itgoes!

Troy and Abed high five each other. Everybody looks at themlike theyre crazy.

TROY(RE: everybodys reaction)

Theyre delicious.

DEAN PELTON

Also Up, Up, and Talent Away!Greendales annual talent show isin two days! Anyone who thinkstheyve got the plums to performcan still sign up in the library.Tootles!

Dean Pelton and Chloe Foster exit.

ANNIEShirley and I have been practicinga special dance for the talentshow.

JEFF(sarcastic)

Wow! How exciting!

SHIRLEYIts adorable and alluring.

PIERCE(to Britta)

You should join them, Britta. Thenitd be like The Three Stooges...

but with girls.

Only Pierce laughs. Britta takes a big drink of her redbeverage, then:

BRITTA(frantic)

No way! Im not participating in aschool organized competition.

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(MORE)


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Talent shows are for people withenormous egos who want to provethat theyre better than everyoneelse. Im a non-conformist!

Britta storms out of the room.

Troy and Abed simultaneously stand up and bust out into anacapella parody of The Promise by: When In Rome. Abedenacts the piano, and Troy enacts the percussion. Theyveobviously done this before.

They stop once they get to where the singing begins.

JEFFThat... was interesting.

ABEDWe want to sign up for the talent

show, but we dont have a singer.

TROYYeah... If only any of you co--

Troy remembers that Pierce can sing.

TROY (CONTD)Pierce! You can sing!

PIERCE(chuckling)

You think Im going to sing to

that? Pfft. Get some realinstruments, boys.

TROYWe dont need real instruments. Wehave the magic of our voices.

PIERCEWell, then Im not doing it. Youkids can embarrass yourselves.

Troy gets right up in Pierces face on his left side.

TROYI dont think you understand howimportant this is. This. Is.Everything.

Abed gets right up in Pierce face on his right side. Troyand Abed are now right up on both sides of Pierce face.

3.

BRITTA (CONT'D)


5/25

ABEDThis isnt a game, Pierce. This islife or death. You are the essenceof this army. The Battle ofThermopylae cannot be won withoutKing Leonidas! We are your Spartans

and you are our Gerard Butler!

Everyone looks confused, yet strangely moved.

SHIRLEYOooh no, Gerard Butler is much morehandsome than Pierce.

ANNIE(daydreaming)

My Scottish David Hasselhoff...

JEFF

The Hoff?

ANNIECmonnnnn... Baywatch!

TROYPlease, please, please, please,please, please, pleeeaaaassse?

PIERCENo!

Pierce folds his arms. Troy falls down to his knees and crys

like a big baby.

TROYWhy, Pierce Why? Why, why, why,why, why, whyyyyyyyyy?

As Troy cries...

JEFFHe must really love Gerard Butler.

Troy falls to the floor in the fetal position in a fit of

pathetic sobbing.

FADE OUT.

END OF COLD OPEN

4.


6/25

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. CHLOE FOSTERS OFFICE - LATER

Pictures of flowers and mountains cover the walls. Dimlighting sets a relaxed mood. There is a love seat in thecorner. Chloe Foster sits at her desk. Jeff enters.

JEFFHi. Jeff Winger. We met earlier...

CHLOEYes, yes I remember. How can I helpyou?

JEFFFirst off Id like to say that Ifirmly believe schools wouldnt befunctional without the fantasticwork done by student counselors.

CHLOEOh umm, thank you. I appreciate it.

JEFFI appreciate you.

Jeff lays down on the love seat.

JEFF (CONTD)I need to get something off mychest--

CHLOE(interrupting)

--Sorry, youre going to have tomake an appointment. I just gotsettled and I have some work to do.

Jeff quickly stands up.

JEFFFair enough.

CHLOEYou can come in at eight. If thatworks for you.

JEFFLooking forward to it.

5.


7/25

Jeff exits.

EXT. CAMPUS - AFTERNOON

Britta, Annie and Shirley walk together. Britta has another

bottle of the red energy drink powder. She is extremely hyperand talks fast.

BRITTA(RE: red energy drinkpowder)

Holy crap! You guys gotta try this.Its amazing! Its this energypowder stuff that you put intowater and its like full ofvitamins and minerals andelectrolytes and it has nocaffeine, so its good for you! AND

IT TASTES LIKE KOOL-AID! HERE TRYSOME!

Britta jitters.

SHIRLEYUhhh... Were good.

ANNIEHow many of those things have youhad today?

BRITTA

Counting the two I had beforebreakfast and the two I had afterlunch... this is my sixth.

ANNIEOh my gosh, Britta! That cant begood for you!

BRITTANo! It doesnt have any sugar!Youre wrong! Its fantastic!

CHANG approaches. He is in his security uniform.

CHANG(RE: Britta)

Hey, Lohan! Pump the brakes!

Chang grabs the bottle out of Brittas hand, inspects it.

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8/25

CHANG (CONT'D)What do you got in here? A littlebit of rummy and a little bit ofcokey? Hmmm?

Chang twists the cap off the bottle, tilts his head back,

pours the energy drink all over his face and throws thebottle down.

CHANG (CONTD)Hmm... Tastes like Kool-Aid.

Brittas face engulfs in rage.

BRITTAYou demonic... careless... AHHH!

Britta storms off. As she walks off...

BRITTA (CONT'D)THE SECURITY AT THIS SCHOOL ISCORRUPT!

INT. STUDY ROOM - DAY

The lights are off besides a small lamp in the middle of thetable. It gives off the vibe of an interrogation room. Piercesits as we see Troy and Abed emerge from the darkness behindhim.

TROY

Why wont you do it, Pierce? Whywont you sing?

Troy leans over the table. Classic cop drama style.

TROY (CONTD)We know you love singing.

PIERCEI just dont want to do it, okay?Now leave me alone you hooligans.

Abed slams his fist on the table. The lamp falls over. Aftera beat Troy puts the lamp back up.

ABEDYoure hiding something. Somewheredeep inside that prehistoric brainof yours there is a secret.

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The kind of secret that crawlsinside your head and reminds you ofits existence. Over, and over, andover, and over, and over, and ov--

Pierce throws his hands up, ready to confess.

PIERCEOkay! Okay! Okay!

Abed and Troy look at each other surprised. Pierce takes adeep breath.

PIERCE (CONTD)The Promise was my... fourthwife, TABBY and Is favorite song.Looking back she was my favorite.

(a beat)Anyway, we listened to it all the

time. In the shower together,before sex

(chuckles)during sex. It was fan-tastic!

Abed and Troy react, grossed out.

PIERCE (CONTD)We even danced to it at ourwedding.

Abed and Troy react, how adorable.

PIERCE (CONTD)But that marriage ended in adownward spiral like the rest ofthem and the truth is every time Ihear that song I cant help butthink of Tabby. And it breaks myheart.

Pierce stands up.

PIERCE (CONTD)So Im not singing it, boys.

Pierce exits. Troy and Abed look at each other withconfusion.

8.

ABED (CONT'D)


10/25

INT. THEATER - DAY

Annie and Shirley practice their dance. Larger Than Lifeby: The Backstreet Boys plays from a small boombox on thestage. Shirley dances very conservatively while Annie dancesvery seductively.

As they dance...

ANNIESpice it up, Shirley! Give it somezest!

SHIRLEYI am not going to exploit my femaleattributes.

Shirley stops, watches Annie as she dances. Annie noticesShirley, stops dancing, then stops the music.

ANNIEShirley! What are you doing? Weneed to practice!

SHIRLEYI refuse to dance like one of thosepole girls whos life has beencatapulted out of the window!

ANNIEIts okay. Trust me. Youre a foxylady! Youre like an arousing

version of Queen Latifa. Yourebootylicious, girl.

Shirley is pleased by Annies compliments.

SHIRLEY(cheerful)

Oooooh really?

ANNIEIf you want to win, then you needto parade around those bazooms. Do

you want to win?

SHIRLEYYes, I want to win.

ANNIEThen lets try this again... andthis time... do it provocatively.

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11/25

INT. CHLOE FOSTERS OFFICE - DAY

Jeff is at his counseling appointment with Chloe. He lies onthe love seat like its a therapy session.

JEFF

(pretend crying)My father left when I was only nineyears old. He moved to South Africawith a woman he was cheating on mymother with. I havent seen himsince. I blame him for myinsecurities and my depression. Hementally and emotionally scarred meand all I have now is my poetry...and The Cure.

Jeff looks at Chloe with very convincing eyes. She isobviously falling for this and feeling sympathy for him.

JEFF (CONTD)And now Im really struggling tofind the one, ya know? I just wanta woman who isnt afraid to shareher feelings with me.

Chloe, nearly in tears, walks over to the love seat and sitsdown.

CHLOEI know exactly how you feel, Jeff.

She puts her hand on Jeffs hand. They look into each otherseyes.

CHLOE (CONTD)I love The Cure.

They begin to kiss.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

10.


12/25

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

INT. CHLOE FOSTERS OFFICE - SAME

Jeff and Chloe continue to kiss until... Chloe suddenly pullsback. She begins to panic.

CHLOENo, no, no, I cant... This is amistake.

She frantically gets up and sits back down at her desk. Jeffpretends like he agrees that its a mistake.

JEFF

What was I thinking? Im so sorry,Chloe. I wont bother you again.

He stands up and heads for the door.

CHLOEWait!

Jeff stops. Chloe approaches him.

CHLOE (CONTD)We have another appointmenttomorrow.

Jeff exits, stunned.

INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Jeff walks down a hallway. Britta, Annie and Shirleyapproach. Britta is frantic off of the energy powder drink.

ANNIEHey Jeff, How about that newstudent counselor huh?

Annie gives Jeff an elbow nudge.

JEFFWhat about her?

BRITTAOh, Dont act dumb. We saw the wayyou shook her hand.

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13/25

JEFFPeople shake hands. Its a gestureof greeting in this country.

SHIRLEYShes very pretty isnt she, Jeff?

JEFFSure.

BRITTAI knew you wanted her!

They stop.

JEFFI dont want her! And why do youcare? Hmmm lets see, maybe itsbecause after all this time you

still cant get over the fact thatyou're not getting your fix of

(RE: his body)this every night!

BRITTANo, no, no. I got over you so longago! Youre the one that keepssleeping around to make me jealous!

JEFFThat doesnt even make sense!

BRITTAYou dont even make sense!

JEFFWhat!?

BRITTAI dont know!

Jeff and Britta both storm off in separate ways. Annie andShirley still stand there.

SHIRLEYAwww. Theyre in love.

INT. LIBRARY - MOMENTS LATER

Pierce sits at a table by himself. He looks sad. Troy andAbed are standing around him. Annie and Shirley enter.

12.


14/25

ANNIEHey guys!

TROY(to Annie)

Tell Pierce he has a beautiful

voice!

ANNIEYou have a beautiful voice, Pierce.

PIERCEShut it, Matilda.

Annie looks confused.

ABEDPierce refuses to sing because ThePromise reminds him of his wife,

Tabby.

TROYTabby was his favorite wife and itwas their favorite song.

Annie and Shirley go awww.

ANNIEWow, Pierce. Who knew you were sucha hopeless romantic.

PIERCE

(reminiscing)She used to dress up like a mermaidand wait for me in the bathtub.

Everybody is grossed out.

SHIRLEYPierce, the only way youre goingto get over her is if you listen tothe song.

ANNIE

Yeah. Shirleys right. Listen to itlike... a thousand times. Maybemore.

SHIRLEYThen after that... youll be readyfor the talent show.

Pierce seems to understand.

13.


15/25

PIERCEYou know what... You kids areright!

Troy and Abed do a fist bump. Pierce stands up.

PIERCE (CONTD)Do any of you kids have it on yourimusic pods?

TROY(chuckling)

Old people.

Abed takes his iPod out of his jacket pocket.

ABEDHere you go.

PIERCEThank you, Abed. Now sign us up.Weve got a talent show to win!

Pierce moves off.

INT. CHLOE FOSTERS OFFICE - LATER

Jeff is at his second appointment with Chloe.

JEFFMy entire teenage life I didnt

have a father. I really dont thinkI would be here if it wasnt forpoetry. Reading and writing poetrywas my counseling for myself.

CHLOEYou should recite to me some ofyour poetry. Itll help you toreally focus inside yourself anddistinguish those deep emotions youhave about your father.

Chloe sits down next to Jeff. She puts her hand on his kneeand looks into his eyes.

CHLOE (CONTD)The more you understand

(a beat)the easier it will be to get passedit.

Jeff looks nervous.

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16/25

JEFFFather... oh, father.

Jeff looks around the room. He sees a photo of a rose on thewall.

JEFF (CONTD)You were once like a rose...

Jeff looks around the room again. He sees a photo of anerupting volcano. Chloe is locked intensively in listen mode.

JEFF (CONTD)But now you resemble... that of thevolcano. At any moment... you coulderupt.

He quickly looks away, acting as if the poem is far toopersonal for him to continue.

JEFF (CONTD)I..I... I cant.

Chloe starts to cry. She grabs Jeffs hand.

CHLOEThat... was beautiful.

Jeff smiles. Success.

JEFFThank you.

Chloe quickly stands up, grabs her car keys off of her desk,grabs Jeffs hand and heads for the door.

CHLOELets go to my place.

INT. THEATER - DAY

Troy, Abed and Pierce practice on stage for theirperformance. Pierce begins to sing, but quickly gets choked

up.

TROYYou can do this, Pierce.

ABEDMaybe you can pretend like youre asuperhero, and your super powersare that you have no emotions andyou can sing really well.

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17/25

TROY(under his breath)

I wish I had super powers.

PIERCEOkay, okay, okay. I can do this.

Im a superhero. I am Su--Pierce!

Troy and Abed make that was lame faces.

PIERCE (CONTD)Okay losers. On three lets beginwhere I start singing. One. Two.Three.

Before Pierce gets the first five words out he bursts intotears and walks off stage. Troy and Abed stand still withblank faces.

Suddenly, Troy begins to cry and runs off stage. Abedawkwardly stands there.

INT. CHLOE FOSTERS HOUSE - NIGHT

Chloe holds Jeffs hand, leads him into her bedroom.

CHLOERight over here.

Jeff hops onto her bed. Right when he thinks shes going tojoin him, she grabs a handful of books off of a bookshelf.

CHLOE (CONT'D)Heres my Poe collection. I alsohave some E.E Cummings, LewisCarroll... Bukowski.

Jeff is confused. He stands up.

JEFFWait... You brought me here just toshow me your poetry collection?

CHLOEUhhh yeah. What did you think wewere going to do?

JEFFWell... you did kissed me, sooo...

CHLOEOh... Im sorry, Jeff. That was amistake.

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18/25

JEFFA mistake? Okay, forget about it.Guess what? I hate poetry. Its acowards form of expression. Also, Ihate The Cure. Robert Smith is afreak. Oh yeah, My father lives

happily with my mother and I'mperfectly content with my life. Ijust wanted to get in your pants.Goodbye.

Jeff exits.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

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19/25

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

INT. THEATER - NIGHT

The talent show is about to begin. The theater seats areabout half full. Dean Pelton approaches the podium on stage.

DEAN PELTON(sarcastic)

Is this thing on?(chuckles)

Okay! Is everybody pumped for ourperformers tonight?

The audience gives a pathetic applause.

DEAN PELTON (CONTD)Alrighty! First up weve got AnnieEdison and Shirley Bennettperforming a little dance numberto...

He looks closely at a note card in his hand.

DEAN PELTON (CONTD)(dissapointed)

Larger than Life by The BackstreetBoys.

INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

Jeff heads toward the theater entrance. He hears Larger thanLife playing, hates it, but enters the theater anyway.

INT. THEATER - CONTINUOUS

Jeff stands by the entrance, watches Annie and Shirley dance.Its hilariously awful, yet seductive. Their performance ends

and goes over well in the small crowd. Dean Pelton approachesthe podium.

DEAN PELTONWell, well, well... That was alittle frisky dontcha think? Nextup weve got Troy Barnes, AbedNadir and Pierce Hawthorne doing anacapella cover of The Promise byWhen In Rome!

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20/25

The lights slowly dim.

INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Britta charges toward the theater entrance. There is sadness

and rage on her face. She violently throws an empty bottle ofwhat once was the red energy drink powder on the floor. Sheslams open the theater doors interrupting Troy, Abed andPierces performance. Everybody in the theater looks back atBritta.

BRITTAIve got something to say!

JEFFBritta?

Britta points at Jeff.

BRITTAYou!

(beat)All of you! You all hate me. Andits because Im boring and Imlame and Im not fun. I just wantpeople to like me! I want to be afun friend! Well... look at me now!I have SO MUCH ENERGY I couldntpossibly be boring for even onesecond!

Annie, Shirley, and Dean Pelton walk onto the stage.

ANNIEBritta?

BRITTAAnnie! Look at me! Im a jubilantfool!

Britta runs toward the stage and attempts a cartwheel, shefalls, the audience laughs. Britta notices, so she continuesto try cartwheels, but falls on purpose. The audience

continues to laugh.

Jeff cant take this anymore.

JEFFEnough, Britta! Stop! What are youdoing?

Britta lies on the floor, pathetic and out of breath.

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21/25

BRITTAHuh?

JEFFThis isnt you. Nobody ever saidthey hated you, or that you were

boring. You just started drinkingan insane amount of that horriblyunhealthy energy crap and youbecame a different person. Itdoesnt make you more fun to bearound. It just makes you alunatic.

(beat)And I cant imagine what yourbathroom trips have been likelately.

Off of Brittas face, her bathroom trips have been pretty

bad. Just when things seem to settle down, the entrance doorsslam open again, but this time its...

CHLOE(to Jeff)

I cannot believe you!

DEAN PELTONLooks like weve got a show tonightladies and germs!

Jeff is frozen in place.

CHLOEYou lied to me to get in my pants?

BRITTAWhat!?

SHIRLEYOh boy...

JEFFLook, Im sorry.

CHLOESorry isnt going to make me feelany better.

(RE: Britta)What is she doing on the floor?

JEFFOh, just ignore her... Listen, Imselfish. Were all selfish.

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Were all desperate and we all makemistakes.

Chloe makes a what are you getting at? Face.

JEFF (CONTD)

Take Britta for example. Look ather. Shes pathetic! Shes lying onthe floor desperately trying to nothave a heart attack all because shewanted people to like her, but itwas all in her head. And Pierce.After 20 years hes still not overhis ex-wife!

PIERCEIm okay now, Jeff!

JEFF

Good for you, Pierce.

CHLOEYou really hurt my feelings.

JEFFI know, and Im sorry. I guess whatIm trying to say is that none ofus are perfect. We all have ourflaws and its our job to seethrough those flaws to find thebeauty. The beauty sticks out likea sore thumb... a beautiful sore

thumb. And the flaws are alwaysjust background noise.

Abed, Troy, Pierce, Annie, Shirley and Dean Pelton walk offstage toward Jeff and Chloe. Shirley extends a hand to helpBritta up on the way. They all form into a group hug. DeanPelton gets pushed out and walks it off as if he doesntcare. Everybody in the theater goes awww as they walk out,arm in arm.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE

21.

JEFF (CONT'D)


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TAG

INT. LIBRARY - DAY

Troy stands in the middle of the library reading a paper in

his hands.

TROY (V.O.)Dear, Dean Pelton. We accept thefact that we have to sacrifice ourpersonal comfort every single dayfor going to this school, but wethink its crazy that every day youcome in the study room andinterrupt us wearing some sort ofbird costume. Its weird.

EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY

Abed walks toward the camera from 50 yards away.

TROY (V.O.)(CONTD)

We dont see you the way you wantus to see you. And you probablydont see us the way we want you tosee us. Were all just--

DEAN PELTON (V.O.)Freaks?

JEFF (V.O.)Narcissists?

BRITTA (V.O.)Pessimists?

ANNIE (V.O.)Squares?

SHIRLEY (V.O.)Oompa-Loompas?

PIERCE (V.O.)Zombies?

SHIRLEY (V.O.)Did you write this, Abed?

ABED (V.O.)I may have.

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24/25

ANNIE (V.O.)I am not a square!

JEFF (V.O.)And Im not a narcissist. Itscalled confidence.

DEAN PELTON (V.O.)No, you only care about yourself.

SHIRLEY (V.O.)Do I look like an Oompa-Loompa toyou, Abed?

JEFF (V.O.)You call wearing high heels andfishnets confidence?

DEAN PELTON (V.O.)

Well, you sir could never pull itoff!

PIERCE (V.O.)Whats a zombie?

BRITTA (V.O.)I have a feeling this wont endwell.

ABED (V.O.)See? Youre a pessimist.

BRITTA (V.O.)I am not! What makes you think youcan just dehumanize all us likethis!?

PIERCE (V.O.)Ahh, Ive gotta pee. My bladder isthe size of a blueberry these days.

TROY (V.O.)Sincerely yours, the study group.

As Abed approaches the camera he thrusts his fist into theair and freezes there. This all seems a lot like TheBreakfast Club.

FADE OUT.

END OF SHOW

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24.

community spec script "innacurate acknowledgment"

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