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Conflict – Managing it Creatively

Presentation for OCSTA by Fr. Rémi Lessard

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The Nature of Conflict Conflict is a normal and inevitable part of life

The effects of conflict can be either disruptive and destructive or creative and constructive.

Inability of cope with conflict leads to to increased hostility, antagonism and divisiveness: clear thinking disintegrates, and prejudice and dogmatism come to prevail.

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Conflict management

CM does not necessarily seek to terminate or even solve conflict

CM seek to increase understanding of issues, factors and points of view

CM seek to create group cohesion through: mutual respect and confidence in group’s ability

CM seek to improve self-knowledge through examination of goals, values and focus

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Conflict management

CM seeks to foster openness to change and adaptation

CM seeks to improve trust in the process and the people involved

CM seeks to increase collaboration CM seeks informed decision rather

than the forced agreements of “group thinking”

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Biblical Foundation Theology of friendship: Jesus and Pharisees: You

are like whitewashed tombs (Matthew 23,27)) Theology of service: washing each others feet

(John 13,1-15) Theology of presence: what do you want?

(Mark 10,46-47) Theology of justice: healing on Sabbath day

(Matthew 12,10) Theology of sharing: multiplication of the loaves

(John 6, 1-14) Theology of forgiveness: one must forgive

seventy time seven (Matthew 15, 21-22)

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Theological Foundation

Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anaemic. (Martin Luther King)

The opposite to war isn’t peace, it’s creation. (A character in Jonathan Larson’s Broadway play : Rent)

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Power and Love: Paul Tillich Power is the drive of everything

living to realize itself, with increasing intensity and extensity

Love is the drive towards the unity of the separated.

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Power and Love

Power and love have generative sides and degenerative sides

Love is what makes power generative instead of degenerative

Power is what makes love generative instead of degenerative

Will without love becomes manipulation and love without will become sentimental

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Power

The generative side of power is the power-to, as the drive to self-realization.

The degenerative shadow, is power-over, the stealing or suppression of the self-realization of another

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Love

Love is generative when it empowers us and other: when it helps us, individually and collectively, to complete ourselves and grow.

Love is degenerative-sentimental and anaemic, or worse, when it overlooks or denies or suffocates power.

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Power and loveTwo fundamental drives

Power Love

The drive to realization,to achieve one’s purpose, to get one’s job done, to grow

The drive to unity, to reconnect and make whole that which has become or appears fragmented

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Love over powerDegenerative love

Power

LoveSubmissive and lifeless peaceNot pushing anything on anyone in order to get alongLet others win to preserve goodwill and harmonyTalk and negotiate endlesslySuccessful processes producing unsuccessful resultsNothing new created

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Power over loveDegenerative Power

Power

Love

Aggressive warPushing things through, no matter whatMake deals to get things to go our the wayInsensitivity and callousness Impose solutionsNothing new created

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Degenerative power camp

All you need is power.

The context in which we create is a terra nullius, an empty world, an open frontier, a white space, a blank canvas.

We don’t need the connections: disposable people and planet.

Loving wastes valuable and precious time.

Degenerative love camp

All you need is love.

Establishing connections gives us enough momentum and direction to realize and sustain change.

Power is a dirty; it corrupts. We don’t need it.

We won’t have anything to to with power.

Without power, nothing new

grows

Without love, there is no space to grow into.

Key assumptions

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Generative power camp

Without love, there is no space or opening to grow into.

Love expands our intelligence and builds our capacity for co-creation.

Connectedness is as valuable as directiveness.

To be afraid of using love – of being hurt – is to be paralyzed into isolation.

Generative love camp

Without power, nothing new grows.

Power is never absent. It must be acknowledged, understood and discussed productively.

The ignorance and concealment of power corrupts.

To be afraid of using power – of hurting anyone – is to be paralyzed into inaction.

Key assumptions

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Learning to employ both power and love is like learning to walk on two legs. We can’t walk only on one leg, just as we can’t address our toughest social problems only with power or only with love.

But walking on two legs doesn’t mean either moving them both at the same time or always being stably balanced. On the contrary it means moving first one leg and then the other and always being out of balance – or more precisely, always being in dynamic balance.

The great balancing act

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The key to walking on two legs is that even when we are focussing on one, we must not forget the other. Our capacity to take a next step that will move us forward depends on our capacity to recognize the state of our power and love.

Continued

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Power Love

Fall down

Way of walking # 1

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Stumbling dangerously

Way of walking # 2

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Power Love

Walking fluidly

Way of walking # 3

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Mastery

Power & Love

Way of walking # 4

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Adam Kahane, Power and Love. A Theory and Practice of Social Change, San Francisco, Berrett-Koehler, 2010.

“Power and Love should be read and reread by anyone seriously committed to addressing though problems.”

Morris Rosenberg

Source

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The Board and Conflict Conflict results from:

Lack of information Different views of what information is important Varying interpretations of available information.Conflict is rooted in different needs or interest and

the perception that all the choices facing the board are in competition.

Structural conflict involves a struggle over power or authority.

Value conflicts results form different ideals, different ways of understanding the world.

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Types of conflict

Between board members

Between the board and the director

Between the organization and its constituency

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Good Practices in Managing Conflict Pay attention to good interpersonal

communications

Operate with a strategic plan

Clarify roles and responsibilities

Help develop a skilled chairperson

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Good Practices in Managing Conflict Learn about conflict resolution processes

Establish a code of conduct for the board

Encourage board self-assessment

Celebrate agreements and new understanding

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Responses to Conflict

Emotional responses

Cognitive responses

Physical responses

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Conflict Styles

Competitive style: People who tend towards this style take a firm stand and know what they want.

Collaborative style: People who tends towards this style try to meet the needs or all people involved.

Compromising style: People who prefer this style try to find a situation that will partially satisfy everyone.

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Conflict Styles

Accommodating style: This style indicates a willingness to meet the needs of others at the expenses of one’s own needs.

Avoiding style: People who tends towards this style don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and they sometimes evade the conflict entirely by delegating difficult decisions.

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Five-Step Conflict Resolution ProcessStep one: Set the sceneStep two: Gather informationStep three: Agree on the problemStep four: Brainstorm possible

solutionsStep five: Negotiate a solution

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Active listening Listen in order to fully understand what is

being said to you. Rephrase what you heard the person say so

you can be sure you heard correctly. Ask questions that help you get more

information, e.g. “What did you mean when you said…? »

Offer encouragement and support. Ask how the person feels. Be careful not to

assume that you know how the person feels.

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Communication blockers

Blaming and attacking Being distracted or using other body

language that is non-attentive Dismissing or making light of

someone’s problem Interrupting Lecturing/moralizing “Yes… but.” statements

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Communications Enhancers Asking for more information and problem

solving together Giving full attention such as making eye

contact or leaning toward the other person Showing empathy, validating the other

person’s feeling Staying silent until the person is finished

speaking Withholding judgement “Yes… and” statements