CONFLICT “RESOLVING TERRITORIAL CONFLICTS BY USING POWER IS THE MOST ANCIENT WAY AND STILL MUCH PRACTICED” – DAN DANA

Objectives

• What is it?• Levels• Thinking strategically about it• The psychology behind it• Tools• The conversation

What is it?

Your definition?

A condition between people • who are task interdependent, • where one or both feel angry, • find fault with the other, and • use behaviors that cause a business

problem.

What behaviors tell us it’s present?

Usually what happens….

• Most are prevented automatically every day by using social skills we have learned from the University of Life (Mom’s knee).

• But…..sometimes things escalate.

How do we typically handle?

Fight?

or

Flight?

Are there different levels of Conflict?

• Blip - Mild and passes quickly. Not a pattern.

• Clash – Fight or flight, tension, stress, anger

• Crisis – Violation of law, relationship is clearly on the verge of termination, risk of violence

The Cycle (Biological)

• Trigger

• Perception of threat (thoughts)

• Anger (feelings)

• Acting out (behaviors)

• Example

Can we stop the cycle? • Triggers? Probably not – we react • Perception? Maybe• Anger Normal & healthy – can’t chose not to be• Acting out There is a choice

First….

◦We must recognize the need to have a conversation and

then have the conversation….

How do we do that?

• Have a pre-meeting

• Prepare

• Hold the meeting & ensure agreement

• Have follow ups

The Other Cycle (also Biological)

• Conciliatory Gesture (Person A) • Inhibitory reflex (Person B)• Conciliatory Gesture (Person B )• Conciliatory Gesture (Person A)• Example

The Cost

Team Mediation

Step 1 - Define the Issue

• This may take some thought. Helpful to refer to the conflict definition.

Step 2 - Define the Parties

• Who specifically is directly involved?

• Involve those who will offer ideas for solution, those you need buy in from and will be committed to the decision.

Step 3 - Get the Parties to the Table

Send notification of the meeting – cc anyone that should have knowledge of it (no hidden agendas).

Speak to all attendees to cover ground rules

Don’t expect everyone to be thrilled.

Step 4 -Help the Parties define their interests

What is at stake (& what matters most) for each person at the table?

Ask for clarification if needed

If a solution is found that satisfies

all interests, is problem solved?

Step 5 - Brainstorm Options

• Nominal Group Technique (NGT) modified for Team mediation (ie: Delbecq, Van de Ven & Gustafson – Greenbriar Press) ____________________________________

• 1 - Ask each person to write down 3 ideas that may solve or address

• 2 - Go around the table - each person reports one idea

• 3 - Continue until all ideas are recorded. When a person runs out of ideas, they pass. This continues until everyone passes.

More of Step 5

• 4 - Facilitator reviews all by reading each one aloud

• 5- Each person selects their favorite 5 (or 3, etc.) Choose wisely – go with best options and team’s favorite.

• 6 – The list is read again. If the idea read is on someone’s favorite list, they raise their hand; votes are recorded

Step 6 - Test Options

• Are anyone’s interests negatively affected if we implement these ideas?

• If not, majority rules. If so, discuss further.

Step 7 - Action Plan & Commitment

• Detailed and specific – and a form of a contract

• How, who, how long, what deadline, what support and from who? (Specific)

• Ask for commitment from each

Preventative Mediation

• What is it?

• Should be practiced daily

Preventative Mediation

• Break the pattern – opting not to continue current behavior

• Common sense – not rocket science

• Feelings as data – step back and analyze. Use time as your ally

EXAMPLES

• YOU JUST DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER (DISTANCING) – YOU MAKE THE EFFORT

• POWER PLAY/DEMANDING

CO-WORKERS – ASK FOR COOPERATION

• CRABBY ALL THE TIME/CRITICAL – OVERRIDE NATURAL INSTINCTS & ASK FOR INPUT/ADVICE

Examples• If someone extends a conciliatory gesture,

return it!

•For an emotional encounter - take the cognitive route, not the emotional one – step back

(feelings as data)

As Professionals….• Be sensitive to the relationships of your co-

workers.

• Analyze any conflict to determine all the causes – the better you understand, the more effectively you can resolve.