Conscious Discipline

Timothy S. Adamstadams@georgejuniorrepublic.org

“I’m NOT doing it and your can’t make me!”

Behavior and the Brain

What is Traditional Discipline? Traditional disciplinary model looks like:

- Rule based- Upheld by consequences in order to obtain obedience- Compliance earns rewards- Disobedience earns punishment- Persistent disobedience means removal

Tool used in this traditional model: = FEAR based

Premises traditional model is based on:- It is possible to control others- Rules govern behaviors- Conflict is a disruption of the learning process

Traditional Discipline

What is Conscious Discipline? An adult first approach to discipline that allows you

to focus on what you want and to help children make the choice to get there.

A comprehensive social and emotional intelligence management program that empowers BOTH educators, parents, and students.

Evidenced based, self-regulation program combining managing children with social and emotional learning.

Conscious Discipline

What is Conscious Discipline? So why change how you discipline?

- Brain research indicates FEAR is detrimental to optimal learning and brain development.

- Before we can change children’s behaviors, we must first change ourselves.

Conscious Discipline

What is Conscious Discipline? Conscious discipline is like a dance.

When you first start out it’s like learning how to dance for the first time. You need to practice in order to get better at it. You will be clumsy at first. It’s a skill you develop.

Conscious Discipline

Becoming Brain Smart Behavior Conflict gives you an opportunity to learn and

teach.

We often want children to STOP their behavior immediately.

All behavioral comes from an internal state.

Three Brain States

Becoming Brain Smart Behavior It’s important to have a connected brain = GOAL

3 Brian States: Executive, Emotional, Survival

You must learn to know which state a child is in to know which skill to use.

Three Brain States

Becoming Brain Smart Three Brain States1. Survival State- takes place in the

brainstem2. Emotional State- takes place in the

limbic system3. Executive State- takes place in the

prefrontal lobes (This is where we want children to be!)

Three Brain States

Brian Stem

Limbic System

Prefrontal Lobes

Three Brain States

Executive State

Prefrontal lobesProblem Solving

Relaxed Alertness

Emotional State

Limbic SystemConnection

Not Going My Way

Survival StateBrian Stem

SafetyThreat

Brain Stem Model

Executive StateNeeds problem solving

in social settings“What can I learn from this?”

Emotional StateNeeds connection, empathy,

and choices through I love you rituals, naming emotions, and

2 positive choices.“Am I loved?”

Survival StateNeeds safety and assertiveness

through structure, active calming, noticing, and assertive commands.

“Am I safe?”

You CANNOT offer choices to a Brain

Stem!

Power of Attention

Power of Attention

What you focus on, you get more of.

We consciously focus our attention on what we choose.

You CANNOT change behavior by focusing on what you don’t want!!!

Power of Attention

Focusing on what you don’t want puts your will power against your body chemistry. You must first focus on what you want.

Assertiveness = Just Do It Remember: What you focus on you get

more of.- Focus on what you want to help children reach your goal.

- GOAL = Clear Communication- You can’t set a limit and take care of another person’s feelings at the same time.- Visual learning = GOOD!

Assertiveness

Assertive Commands Walk over to the child State child’s name Wait for eye contact Draw a picture with words as you give

the command with gestures

Example: “Line up at the door, just like this.”

Assertiveness

Assertive Tone Teach what you want kids to do. They may not understand how you want

them to do something. If they don’t understand they may not

do it your way.

Example:

Assertiveness

Assertive Tone Learn how to harness your tone. Make the feelings of the other person

more important than your own.- “I see you are upset right now.”

Assertiveness

Assertive Tone Don’t be lazy! Go to them to get their attention. Don’t

command from the couch. Give them a picture of what you are expecting. Give a “no doubt” kind of energy

- “I know you can do it.” If they don’t listen, do something creative to

show them how

Assertiveness

What you focus on you get more of STOP RUNNING = more running

DON’T HIT = more hitting

STOP YELLING = more yelling

Assertiveness

Flip-Flopping “Stop Running” “Please walk”

“Stop Yelling” “Use Your Inside Voice”

“Stop Hitting” “Hands to Yourself”

Assertiveness

Assertiveness I-messages help when frustration sets in.

Indirect expression of emotion attacks children. Direct expression communicates with them.

I-messages are direct expressions. They: Describe the behavior Describe the feeling you are having. Describe a tangible impact of the behavior Describe a different behavior that is helpful.

“I don’t like it when you _____. It ________ because ________. Please _________ instead.”

“When you ________, I feel ________ because _______. Please _________.”

Assertiveness

Be A S.T.A.R.SmileTake a deep breathAndRelax

Be a S.T.A.R.