Bible StudyBible Study

Pastor Daren C. JaimePastor Daren C. Jaime

The Control Quiz

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

The Control Quiz

1 = Rarely or Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

 1.Do you "help" other people drive - tell them what route to take, when to turn, where to park, remind them that the traffic light has changed? _____

2.Do you devote a lot of attention and energy to keeping your personal environment organized? ______

3. Do you give people a lot of "shoulds" and "oughts" - unsolicited advice, suggestions, and "constructive criticism?" _______

4. Do you have lots of personal rules, routines, rituals, and ceremonies? ___

5.Are you the one who takes over and orders other people around when the situation seems confused? ______

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

The Control Quiz

1 = Rarely or Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often

 6.Do you dislike depending on others, accepting help from them, or allowing them to do things for you? ______

7. Do you insist on "being right," having things done your way, or having the final word? ______

8.Do you "over-plan" simple activities? _____

9. Do you find it difficult to admit making mistakes, being wrong or misinformed about something, or acknowledging that you've changed your mind?______

10. Do you become angry, irritable, or anxious when someone or something makes you late, when things don't start on time, or things don't go according to plan?______ Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org

2/16/14

41 - 50: yep, you're a control freak. 31 - 40: you probably have some control issues. 21 - 30: you can live and let live. 10 - 20: are you being honest?

Note: the even-numbered questions indicate personal control and the odd-numbered ones indicate control over others.

Interpret Your Score

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Control issues are characterized by a person’s

need to micromanage and orchestrate the actions and behaviors of others.

Control is most often a reaction to fear. People who struggle with the need to be in control often fear being at the mercy of others. Thus the need to lead and be in charge.

Control is dangerous because it leads down a path towards manipulation and if not careful leads to an unhealthy way of life.

What is Control or a Controlling Spirit

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

The 12 Controlling Tendencies

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

It’s Always Your Fault. Some Controllers blame

you for their anger and their behavior. Controllers tell you their anger and misbehavior is a consequence of something or somebody else.

1 – Misdirected Blame

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Some Controllers repeatedly put you down.

They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel “on guard,” unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong.

2 – The Put Down

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Some controllers have a tremendous sense of

entitlement, the attitude that they are justified to do what they do. Although wrong, they feel a perfectly logical right to do, say or have whatever they desire. They are fully within their right because in their mind they deserve or have earned the right.

Of further note, keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit.

3 – Entitlement

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

The other type of control is motivated by

unconscious power needs - they've become almost addicted to the feelings of proving themselves, being in charge, and getting their way.

4 – Power Player

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Such people hate it when you want to make

decisions on your own. They want themselves to have the first as well as the last say in all your issues. They feel as though their input is needed or should be consulted in every outcome.

5 – Decision Domination

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Some controllers cycle from hot to warm and back

again to cold. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hot with you and then suddenly and instantly the next day they want to warm up to you as though nothing ever happened and then the very next day become cold before starting the cycle all over again.

6 – Controlling by Temperature – Hot to Warm

to Cold

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase.

7 – Controllers seek to divide using For and

Against

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Is this person trying to change you into who they think you should measure up to be in their eyes. They want you to live upto their standards and expectations.

8 – They Try to Change You

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Meanwhile as part of their attempt to make

themselves more impressive and ideal in your eyes they will also often put down other people. If they criticize others a lot then this usually comes from low self esteem and this will often end up affecting you negatively in the long run.

9 – They Criticize Others

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

In an effort to keep you under control through

the public, controllers may lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you, either in front of people, behind your back, in private.

10– Public Embarrassment

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Some Controllers will encourage you to drop your

hobbies, interests, and involvement with others. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, or why can’t they come.

The underlying motive is to prevent you from having fun or outside interests other than those which they totally control. They want to be more involved in your affairs because they have limited ones themselves.

11 – Have Limited Interests

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Some controllers (paranoia control) will consistently

“check up on you” and keep track of where you are who you are with and how long you are with a certain person, or groups of people.

Paranoia: This kind of personality is always suspicious of others, and quite certain that there are those who are focusing their time and attention on them in an attempt to sabotage or destroy their success.

People who disagree with the paranoia or refuse to be manipulated by them are assigned wicked motives. Only to find out “nobody is really out to get him”.

12 – Paranoia Control and Paranoia

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

NOTE:

Control is abuse. There is a difference between being in control and controlling. When a person is constantly controlling it is an emotional abuse, no different that physical or psychological.

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Scripture Reference: James 4:6 1 Peter 3:8

 People who are controlling fail to see their behavior as abusive. Pride can’t stand to be humbled, in fact we are taught Pride cometh before the fall. As long as pride remains prevalent, there will be a distance between you and God. This happens because pride resists the loving and caring nature of God. It can't stand to be humbled, and this is the very thing God calls us to be.

1. Stop taking Pride In yourself and Take pride out

of self!

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

2. Crucifixion leads to Personal

ResurrectionScripture reference: Galatians 5:24-26

3. Become a Weak-LingScripture Reference: 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

“When I am weak, then I am strong." Accepting your weakness will lead to Christ fully living in you.

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Scripture Reference: Matthew 6: 24-34

Most controlling people are really INSECURE people hidden in a trap closet! Controlling people lack faith their security is themselves to fix it, make it right. It is possible to be so controlling that it actually affects your daily health. You can honestly exhaust yourself maintain control over everything? Trying to control all of the juggling balls in the air will cause panic. Let go and Let God!

4. Don’t Even Think about It

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

Scripture Reference: Psalm 138:6-8

Warning: Control leads to manipulation! Controllers will attempt to manipulate people into who they believe you should be according to what they say their standards and expectations are. You may be following God but it looks disobedient in the sight of others.

Don’t worry about the controllers or the manipulators, concentrate on the Author and Finisher of your faith!

1 Thessalonians 4:11Philippians 2:12-14

5. Stop Trying to Perfect People

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

END

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

1 = Rarely or Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often.

1.Do you "help" other people drive - tell them what route to take, when to turn, where to park, remind them that the traffic light has changed?

2. Do you devote a lot of attention and energy to keeping your personal environment organized?

Control Quiz

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

1 = Rarely or Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often.

3. Do you give people a lot of "shoulds" and "oughts" - unsolicited advice, suggestions, and "constructive criticism?“

4. Do you have lots of personal rules, routines, rituals, and ceremonies?

Control Quiz

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

1 = Rarely or Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often.

5. Are you the one who takes over and orders other people around when the situation seems confused?

6. Do you dislike depending on others, accepting help from them, or allowing them to do things for you?

Control Quiz

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

1 = Rarely or Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often.

7. Do you insist on "being right," having things done your way, or having the final word?

8. Do you "over-plan" simple activities?

Control Quiz

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14

1 = Rarely or Never; 2 = Seldom; 3 = Sometimes; 4 = Often; and 5 = Very Often.

9. Do you find it difficult to admit making mistakes, being wrong or misinformed about something, or acknowledging that you've changed your mind?

10. Do you become angry, irritable, or anxious when someone or something makes you late, when things don't start on time, or things don't go according to plan?

Control Quiz

Rev. Daren C. Jaime Pastor

http://www.thepeoplesamez.org2/16/14