core skills training in emotionally focused couple therapy · 2. to build the therapeutic alliance...

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CoreSkillsTraininginEmotionallyFocusedCoupleTherapy

CarolinaCenterforEmotionallyFocusedTherapywww.carolinaeft.com

Trainingendorsedby TheInternationalCentreforExcellence in EFT

www.iceeft.com • www.drsuejohnson.com

Trainer: Lorrie Brubacher, M.Ed., LMFT (NC #1245), Certified EFT Supervisor & Trainer, Director, Carolina Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy [email protected] • www.lbrubacher.com

Your participation in this training contributes to the growth of an expanding community of therapists certified in one of the most empirically validated approaches to couple therapy!

Core Skills in EFT, Workshop 1, 2018-19 © Lorrie Brubacher, M.Ed., LMFT (NC # 1245), ICEEFT Certified Trainer This material may only be reproduced for noncommercial use with appropriate referencing.

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CoreSkillsAdvancedTrainingSession1

Contents

CORESKILLSINEFT:INTRODUCTION page3LearningobjectivesforCoreSkillsTraining page4CoreSkillsSessionOne:Steps1and2ofEFT page5

PROCESSTOPICSOverviewofEFTProcess page6

StepsandStagesofEFT page7TheNineSteps–Overview&CaseExample page9

STEPS1and2:Overview page14

STEP1AllianceandAssessmentCreatingSafetywiththeTherapeuticStance page15CreatingSafetybyBeinginCharge page18AssessforCompatibleAgendasandPossibleContraindications page18BriefRelationshipHistories-PrivilegeProcessoverContent page18BeTransparentabouttheProcess–TherapeuticContract page19EarlySessionsandIndividualsessions–guidelines page19

STEP2:TrackingandFormulatingtheCycle page25

CORESKILLS(INTERVENTIONS)Reflection,sometimescalledtracking page25Validation page27Reframing,catchingbullets page28EvocativeQuestions page29EmpathicConjecture(usedlessinSteps1and2) page30Enactments page31

ADDITIONALMATERIALSRolePlay page32CasePresentationOutline page34ConsenttoRecordTherapySessionsForConsultation/Training page35EFTKnowledgeandCompetencyScaleKACS(self-supervisionscale) page37

NOTE:ChaptersmostrelevanttoCoreSkills1are:Chapters1-6inThePracticeofEmotionallyFocusedCoupleTherapy:CreatingConnections(2019)Chapters1-4inBecominganEmotionallyFocusedTherapist:TheWorkbook.(2005)

Chapters 1-4, in Brubacher (2018) Stepping into Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Key Ingredients of Change.LINK for Externship Articles and Chapters: carolinaeft.com/articles-and-chapters-for-externship.html



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CORESKILLSINEFT:INTROUCTION

Introduction:CoreSkillstrainingiscomposedoffourtwo-dayworkshopsfocusingonthecoreskillsofeachoftheEFTsteps.EachdaywillcontaininstructionandgroupsupervisionofEFTworkaccordingtotheguidelinessetoutbytheInternationalCentreforExcellenceinEmotionallyFocusedTherapy(ICEEFT).Eachworkshopprovidestwelvehoursoftraining.ParticipantsarerequiredtopresenttheirownworkthroughvideooraudiorecordingONCEthroughthefourworkshops.Anaudiorecordingmustbeaccompaniedbyatranscript.Guidelinesforcasepresentationandaclientconsentformforrecordingandpresentingforgroupconsultationareprovided.

Eligibility:ParticipantsarerequiredtohavecompletedanEFTexternship,bewillingtoparticipateinrole-plays,andpresenttheirownworkoncethroughrecordedpresentation.TheexpectationisthateveryonewillhavereadCreatingConnections(2004).

EFTCertification:CoreSkillstrainingcanbeappliedtowardsEFTcertification.Inadditiontopresentingtheirworkandattendingallfourtwo-dayworkshops,participantsarerequiredtohaveaminimumof8hoursofindividualsupervisionbyaCertifiedEFTSupervisororTrainerbeforeapplyingforcertification.Readinessforcertificationiscompetency-based,ratherthanmeetingthe8hourminimum.Thatis,oneneedstobeabletodemonstratecompetencyinStageOnebydelineatingandtrackingthenegativecycleandinStageTwobydeepeningandexpandingemotionandchoreographingenactments.Supervisionmaybefacetofaceorlongdistance.FinaldecisionregardingreadinessforcertificationisdeterminedbyICEEFT.

Goal:ThegoalofcoreskillstrainingistoprovideEFTimmersioninasmallgroup.

Trainingoccursonthefollowinglevels:• InstructionandreviewoftheEFTmodel• Demonstrationofskillsthroughvideorecordings androle-play• Discussionofcasesasrelevanttothecontentmaterialofworkshop• Practiceofskillsthroughexercisesandrole-plays• Supervisionofcasesduringformalcasepresentations

StructureSession1:Assessment&Alliance:Steps1&2Session2:CycleDe-escalation:Steps3&4Session3:WithdrawerReengagement:Steps5&6&7Session4:BlamerSoftening:Steps5,6&7and(optional)Consolidation:Steps8&9


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LEARNINGOBJECTIVESFORCORESKILLSTRAINING

SessionOne:Steps1-2ofEFT–AllianceandAssessment

1. TohaveanincreasedknowledgebaseofSteps1and2ofEFT.2. Tobuildthetherapeuticalliancethroughempathicattunement.3. Toidentifyandrepairrupturesinthetherapeuticalliance.4. ToassesstheappropriatenessofusingEFTforcouplespresentingfortreatment.5. Toimproveskillsinexploringattachmenthistoryandidentifyingattachmentstrategies.6. Toimproveskillsinidentifying,trackingandreflectingnegativecycles.7. Toimproveskillsforstructuringthebeginningoftherapy.8. ToidentifytheappropriateinterventionstouseinSteps1and2ofEFT.9. Tousetheintervention“catchingthebullet”tode-escalateescalatinginteractions.

SessionTwo:Steps3-4ofEFT–De-escalation

1. TohaveanincreasedknowledgebaseofSteps3and4ofEFT.2. Toimproveskillsinvalidatingsecondaryemotionalreactionsandexploringeach

partner’sunderlyingemotionalexperience.3. Toactivelyengagewithandfocusontracking[sequencesof]emotionalexperience

occurringinthehereandnow.4. Toassistapartnerinexpandingtheiremotionalexperienceusing“RISSSC”skills.5. Tomonitorthealliancewiththe“observing”partnerandkeepthatpartnerengagedin

theprocess.6. Toappropriatelyapplytheinterventionstosteps3and4–i.e.:Validation,evocative

reflectionsandquestions,heightening,empathicconjecture,trackingandreflectingcycles,reframingtheproblemintermsofcontextandcycles,andchoreographingenactments.

7. Tocreatepositiveattachmentframestoreframenegativecyclesofinteractions.8. ToidentifyStage1de-escalationanddifferentiateitfromStageIIchangeevents.

SessionThree:Steps5,6,and7ofWithdrawerRe-engagement

1. ToincreaseknowledgebaseofthefirstroundofSteps5,6and7ofEFT.2. Todefineanddescribetheprocessflowofthechangeevent-WithdrawerRe-

engagement.3. Tounderstandthebasicaim:tohelpwithdrawersengagewithunformulatedor

disownedattachmentemotionsandfears,andexpresstheseemotionstopartner.4. Tounderstandcommonwithdrawerbehaviors,experience,emotions,fearsandneeds.


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5. TounderstandhowtouseEFTInterventions(especiallyRISSSC&Enactments)tofacilitateWithdrawerRe-engagement.

6. Toincreaseabilitytohelpwithdrawerexpressfearsandneeds.7. Toincreaseabilitytouseenactmentstochoreographwithdrawerre-engagement.8. Toincreaseabilitytofacilitateandpromoteacceptanceinthe“observing”pursuing

partner.

SessionFour:Steps5,6,and7ofBlamerSofteningandStageThreeConsolidation

1. Toidentifyandunderstandcommonpursuerbehaviors,experience,emotions,needs,andfears.

2. Todefineanddescribetheprocessflowofthechangeevent-blamersoftening.3. TouseEFTInterventionsandRISSSCtofacilitateblamersoftening.4. Toimproveskillstohelppursuerexpressfearsandneeds.5. Toimproveskillstochoreographblamersofteningwithenactments.6. Tofacilitateandpromoteacceptanceinthe“observing,”previouslywithdrawnpartner.7. Tofacilitatenewsolutionstooldproblems.8. Tohelppartnersconsolidatenewinteractionalpositionsbyhighlightingpositivecycles.

andsecurebondandcreateanewattachmentnarrativeofgrowth.9. Toidentifyandresolvecommonimpasseswithcouples.10. ToincreaseknowledgeofresourcesforfurtheringlearningandgrowthinEFT.

CORESKILLSSESSION1:STEPS1AND2OFEFT

Step1:AllianceandAssessment:Createanallianceanddelineatethecoreattachmentstruggle.Assesspartners’goalsandfeasibilityforEFT.

Step2:Identifythenegativeinteractionalcyclethatmaintainsdistresswheretheseissuesareexpressed.

Theprocesstopicsandcoreskills(interventions)willbeappliedtorole-plays,caseexamplesandapossiblya“live”consultation.

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OVERVIEWOFEFTPROCESS

EFTisanonpathologizing,integrationofthreetheories:Experiential(Rogers),Systemic(Minuchin)andAttachment(Bowlby).Whatpartsofeachtheorydoyougravitatetomost?Howdoyouputeachoftheseelementsintopractice?-Howdoyoumakesureyouareworkingexperientially?Howdoyouutilizetheattachmentframe?Howisyourapproachsystemic?Experiential

Attachment

Systemic

Identifytheaspectyoufindmostchallengingtointegrateintoyourworkwithcouples:

Howdoestheattachmentperspective(ornormalizing“effectivedependency”andrecognizing“separationdistressresponses”)helpyouinthemidstofescalationornon-responsiveness?

WhatisthebasicgoalofEFCT?

Listsomeattachmentthemes–expressionsyouhearormicro-momentsyouseebetweenpartners–thatcoveypartner’sdeepestfearsandlongings?(Listen,observeorrecallyourcouplesin-sessionorwatchavideosession.)____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Canyougiveanexampleormetaphorforeachattachmentstrategy?Secure:_______________________________________________________Anxious:Secure:_______________________________________________(Dismissive)Avoidant:___________________________________________FearfulAvoidant:_______________________________________________


Steps and Stages of EFT Stage 1: De-escalation

Step 1: Alliance and assessment

Step 2: Identify negative cycle, attachment positions

Step 3: Identifying emotions outside of awareness that are driving the cycle

Step 4: Reframe the problem as negative cycle of attempts to meet attachment needs

STAGE 1 De-escalation

fears rejection/ suffocation

Withdraw, defend, stonewall, comply

fears abandonment

Pursue, protest, complain, demand

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“I’m failing you.” “You expect too much.”

“I’m not important.” “You don’t care.”

Step 4: Cycle Reframe of the Problem

WITHDRAWER PURSUER

Step 2: Triggers & Moves in the Dance

Step 3: Underlying Emotions Music of the Dance

Stage 2: Restructuring the Bond Withdrawer Re-engagement

Step 5. Withdrawer accesses underlying emotions, disowned needs, aspects of self. Deepens, distills, discloses.

Step 6. Promote acceptance in pursuer of new view of partner - expand the dance.

Step 7. Withdrawer steps close to partner, expressing needs and wants. Asking for needs to be met to feel safe to stay engaged in relationship. New interactions between partners: withdrawer risks stepping close with assertive self - pursuer responds - withdrawer receives the response. This marks the first antidote bonding event.

WITHDRAWER PURSUER

Withdrawer Re-engagement: Stepping towards partner with entitlement & request for what s/he needs to stay engaged response

acceptance of new viewDeepen, distill disclose fears

pain, fear of annihilation fears of rejection,

Step 7

Step 5

Step 6

STAGE 2 Withdrawer Re-engagement

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Stage 2: Restructuring the Bond Blamer Softening

Step 5. Pursuer accesses underlying emotions, disowned needs, aspects of self. Deepens, distills, discloses.

Step 6. Promote acceptance in now engaged withdrawer of new view of partner - further expand the dance.

Step 7. Pursuer, owning attachment fears and needs, risks reaching from a vulnerable place of engaged fear to ask needs to be met to feel safely connected with partner. More new interactions between partners - pursuer risks reaching - engaged withdrawer responds, reaching back - pursuer receives the response. This is the second and ultimate antidote bonding event, that redefines the security between partners.

WITHDRAWER PURSUER

Blamer Softening: Reaching from vulnerable position with fear at a boil, with a request for what s/he needs to feel safe & secure.

Deepen, distill disclose fears

acceptance of new view

engaged, comforting response

fear of abandonment

Step 6

Step 7

Step 5

STAGE 2 Blamer Softening

Stage 3: Consolidation

Step 8. Integrate new bonding cycle with old problems. Support the emergence of new solutions to pragmatic issues. Partners can safely solve problems and cope with difference, since it is no longer a fight about attachment. (“Do I matter? Are you there for me?”)

Step 9. Consolidate new responsive positions and cycles. Enact new stories of problems and repair. Create resiliency story of “past distress and current bond.” Create future love story and rituals to keep love alive.

STAGE 3 Consolidation of an accessible, responsive, emotionally

engaged cycle

We feel safe, securely connected and precious in each other’s eyes. We depend on each other. We reach to one another for

comfort. We keep our love alive and imagine the future together.

“I am here for you. Your vulnerability pulls me close. I reach for you.”

“I need reach for your comfort and like your engaged presence.”

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“I make a difference for you.” “ You soothe my hurts.” “I need you. You need me”

“I’m important to you.” “You care about me.” I need you. You need me.”

WITHDRAWER PURSUER

© L Brubacher, 2016. This material may only be reproduced for noncommercial use with appropriate referencing. Infinity loop as a metaphor for a couple’s negative cycle - Woolley, (Woolley, Faller, Palmer-Olsen, & Vitoria, 2016)

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TheNineStepsofEFT:AnOverviewandCaseExample

Stage1:De-escalationStage1includesStep1-buildingallianceandassessingforcompatibleagendas,

Step2–identifyingpositionsofpursuitorwithdrawalandtrackingthestepsintheautomaticreactivecycle,Step3–accessingtheunderlying,mostlyoutside-of-awarenesscoreattachmentfearsandunmetlongingswhicharepropellingthenegativecycle,andStep4de-escalationofthenegativecycle.Buildinganallianceisthefirstandmostimportanttask.AnEFTtherapistcarefullyandempathicallylistenstounderstandtheclients’story.Theallianceisbuiltwithanattuned,empathic,acceptingstance,wherethetherapistgenuinelybelievesthatpeopledowhattheydoforverygoodreasonsandthatthereisno“badguy”intheroomexceptfor“thecycle.”EFTtherapistsframethepresentingproblemasanegativecycle,bytrackingandmakingsenseofthecouple’sdistressedinteractionsfromanattachmentperspective.

TheEFTStage1changeevent,“de-escalation,”iscompletewhenthecouplerecognizestimeandtimeagainthattherealproblemcreatingtheirdistressisthecycle–theincreasinglynegativeinteractiveloopinwhichtheyarebothstuck.Thisnegative,self-reinforcingcycleisnicknamedtheDemonDialogueinHoldmetight(Johnson,2008).Atthispoint,partnerscaneachalsoacknowledgeandtakeownershipforhowtheygetautomaticallypulledintothisdance.Theyrecognizehoweachone’sreactivebehaviorstriggerattachmentfearsintheother,andhowthisprimaryemotionthendrivespredictablebehavioralreactionsinanunendingloop.AsimplecaseexampleofStage1changeisseeninthecaseofCarrieandDarrell.

WhenCarrieandDarrell,asuccessfulcouplewiththreeadolescentchildrenenteredcoupletherapy,reactiveemotionsofangerandnumbnessdominatedtheroom.InStep1CarriedescribedtheendlesswaysthatDarrellhadletherdownandfailedtobeinvolvedenoughintheirhomelife.Allthewhile,Darrellsatwithhisfoottappingrestlessly,lookingdownandsquirmingasthoughhe’dratherbeanywherethaninthetherapyroom.Bothwerefromhardworkingfamilies,wheresuccesswasvaluedabovetakingtimeforaffectionandcare,andyetbothobviouslycaredverymuchfortheirchildren,andforoneanother.Fluctuatingbetweenshrillcomplaintsandsobs,Carriestated,“IhavetriedabsolutelyeverythingIcanthinkoftogethiminvolved.Ihaveevengonetobedindepressionfordays,butnothinghasworked!Hejusthidesfrommeandclearlydoesnotcare!SomedaysIrealize,‘Hedoesnotlovemeatall!’”InitiallyitseemsasifDarrellhadnothingtosay.Slowly,withsomevalidationfromthetherapistabouthowuncomfortablehelookedasCarriespoke,hesighedinexasperation,“Iworksohardtoprovideforthisfamilyandsheisneverhappywithme.”Carrieimmediatelyretorted“Wellyoucaremoreaboutthelawnthanme.IcantellIreallydonotmatteratalltoyou!”Thetherapistcreatesasafebaseforthemtoexploretheirrelationship,andtheyareeagerandwillingtoengageintheprocessoffindinghowtheyarestuckinthisrutofpainanddistance,andtorecreatetheoldpositivefeelingsandcomforttheyusedtohave.

WithrelentlessempathicreflectionsandvalidatingcommentsinStep2,CarrieandDarrelidentifythestepsintheirnegativedanceandthereactivitybeginstocalmdown.Thetherapisttrackstheirinteractions,untilCarrieandDarrellbegantorecognizetherapidautomaticcycle,whichhastakenovertheirrelationship.ThemoreCarriedemandsand


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protestsatDarrell’slackofresponse,themorehefreezesinbewildermentandhelplessnessaboutwhathecandoto“winherback”andthendisappearsintohiswoodworkingprojects.Themorehedisappears,themoredesperateCarriebecomesandherprotestsintensify.Onandonitgoes.Hedescribesthewords“Baddad.Badhusband.”playingloudlyandendlesslyinhisbrain,“Likeachainsawrunningsawinmybrain,”hesaid–“Soloud,soharsh!”

InStep3,Carrieisabletotalkaboutthelonelinessandfearsunderlyinghercriticaloutbursts,andDarrellisabletodescribethe“chainsawtorment”andthefearofbeingatotaldisappointmenttoCarriethatunderlieshisfrozenexterior.“Youarenotabaddadorabadhusband,”insistsCarrie,“Ijustwantyoutobewithus.Iamsolonely.Imissyouterribly!”Asthenegativecyclebegantode-escalate,theywereabletohearhowimportanttheyreallyaretooneanother.Softerfeelingsemergedbetweenthemastheybegantogetnewviewsofoneanother.AsalientmomentinStage1iswhenCarriesays,“Soisn’tyourlawnactuallymoreimportanttoyouthanIam?”“Ohno,notatall,”respondsDarrell,“Whenyouareupset,Igooutintotheyard,hopingthatifIcangetitlookinggreat,youmightbehappier.”

InStep4,CarriefeelsrelieftoseeDarrellisnotindifferentoruncaring,butishidingtoprotecthimselffromtheenormityofhercomplaintsandunhappiness.Shebeginstoseehimasmorefearfulofherrejectionthanasuncaring.Inde-escalation,sherecognizesthatthemoreshehasharanguedhimtogetaresponse,themorehehasstayedaway,feelingthathewasfailingandfearingherrejection.DarrellisrelievedtoseethatCarrieisnotcomplainingandbeingangrybecauseshethinksheisafailureorabadhusband,butbecausesheverymuchwantstoconnectwithhimandismakingadesperateresponsetopullhimouthissilence.

Stage2:RestructuringtheBondInStageTwo,thetherapeuticfocusisondeepeningandexpandingtheprimary

attachmentemotionstocreatenewwaysofreachingandrespondingthatreshapetheattachmentbondintooneofsecurityandconnection.InthesecondstageofEFT,twochangeeventsoccur.Thesechangeeventsactuallyrestructuretheattachmentbond.Eachpartnerinturnaccessesthelongingsandneedsembeddedinthenewlyexpandedprimaryemotionsthatdrivethenegativecycle.Eachpartnertakesamonumentalrisktoreachtohis/herpartnerandaskforthesepreviouslyunexpressedcoreattachmentneedstobemet.Theseeventsconsistofveryintentionallystructuredinterventionsknownas“enactments”.

WithdrawerReengagement.First,thepreviouslymorewithdrawnpartner,whointhenegativecyclehasbeenholdingbackandturningaway,takestheriskofsteppingforwardtoaskforacceptanceandassurancethathe/sheisreallywantedandneeded,andasksthepartnertoeaseupontheirdemandsandcriticism.Forsomeonewhohasbeenholdingback,avoidingconflict,anddefendingtheselfagainstescalatingdemands,itisindeedabigrisktostepcloserinthisway,andmakeacongruent,assertivestatementsofneeds.Itisanewexperiencetoaccesslongingsforanemotionalconnection,sinceclosenessanddependencyhadbecomeassociatedwiththepartner’smessagesofdissatisfactionanddemandstochange.

Followingthischangeevent,knownas“withdrawerre-engagement,”isthesecondstagetwochangeevent–“blamersoftening,”inwhichthepreviouslyanxious,demanding


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partnerrisksfromavulnerable,congruentpositiontoexpressfearsofabandonmentandunworthinessandasksforcomfortandassurance.Studiesshowthattheseeventspredictchangeinrelationshipsatisfactionandinrelationship-specificattachmentsecurity,andthatthesechangesendureovertime(Johnson,etal.,2015).ThestoryofCarrieandDarrelillustratesStage2change.

ThecoreunderlyingemotionsidentifiedinStage1,Carrie’slonelinessandfearofabandonmentandDarrell’sfeelingofemptiness,aredeepenedinStage2.TheprocessofStage2movesDarrellfrom"IwithdrawbecauseIfeelinvadedandrejected”to“Ilongtoknowthatyouwantme-tofeelsafeinyourlove."Carriemovesfrom,"InagbecauseIfeelabandoned”to“IlongtofeelImatterandamloved."Theymovethroughvulnerabledisclosurestoriskingreachesandcompassionateresponses,whichsecurestheirconnection.

TheprocessofStage2alwaysbeginswiththemorewithdrawnpartner.InStep5,Darrelexploreshisemptinessandsenseofinadequacyasahusbandthatarisesnotonlywhentheyhaveconflict,buteverytimehehearsatoneinCarrie’svoice,orseesalookonherface,oramoveofherbodythatsignalstohimthatsheisdisappointedinhim.Withthetherapist’shelp,heexpandsanddeepenshisemotionalexperienceandbeginstoshakeasheputswordstowhathefeels.Thetherapistreflectstheshakingandfocusesonhisanguish,hisfearoffailure,andsoondirectshimtotalktoCarrieaboutthisexperience.Inthisprocess,Darrelldiscovershowthisfearresonatessoclearlywithhissenseofnevereverbeinggoodenoughinhisownfather’seyes.(Thisisthemostintrapsychicstep.PrimaryattachmentemotionstriggerexperiencesfromthepastandEFTtherapistsusethistodeepenpresentexperience).InStep6,thetherapistsupportsthepartnertorespondtothewithdrawnpartner’sdisclosure.CarrieisatfirstbewilderedbyDarrell’sfear.Sheisverymovedbyhisdisclosure,sinceshehadthoughtallDarrellhadforherwasangerandindifference.Darrell’sdisclosurepullscompassionfromherandextremerelief!“ThatiswhatIhaveneededtohear–tohaveyourpresence–toknowyouseemeisallIhaveeverwanted!”

Darrellismovedtoevendeeperself-disclosurebyhercomment.“Oh,Iseeyou!Ihearyou,Iseeyou,Ifeelyou!”Hesaid,“Iamonguardeverymomentforhowyouarereactingtome!”FurtherexpandingthisfearinStep7,hemakescontactwithhisneedforacceptancethatwasembeddedinthatdeepattachmentfear.Healsodiscoversanewlyemergingdesireforasafeandsecureconnection,andtakesastandfromapositionofincreasedefficacy,accessibility,andemotionalresponsivenessratherthanthepreviousdistant,inaccessibleandreactiveone.

BlamerSoftening.CarriebeginsherStep5disclosurewithsayinghowdifferentDarrellseems.“Heseemsmorecaring.AllIhavewantedistofeelthatyouseeme.”Butastypicallyhappensintheblamersofteningchangeevent,shesaid,“ButIstillhaveahugefearIamnotimportanttoyou–ahugefear–ahugeneedandIlashoutandbecomecross.”AsshesharedthesefearswithDarrell,muchofherfearsthathedidn’tcareorthathewoulddisappearweresoothed(viewofotherasdependable)andanotherfeararose.Sheaccessesnew,deeperfeelingsofhumiliation(andaviewofselfasunlovable.)

Darrelisnotoverwhelmedbyhertearslikehewaspreviously.HereadilyacceptsthisnewviewofCarrieinhisStep6responsetoher.Heseesherdifferently,asvulnerable


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andneedinghimratherthandangerous,andheisdrawntowardherbyherexpressionsofvulnerability.

InStep7,CarriereachestoDarrellfromhersheerpanicandshame,“DoIdeserveyourcompanywhenIamsodesperate?”Darrellreplieswithoutskippingabeat,“Absolutely!”“Iamsohumiliatedathavingtoask–embarrassed–I’venevershowedthistoanyonebefore,”admitsCarrie.Shesharestheflashbacksofherfather’srageandinsistencesheneededtobetoughandstrongonherown.

Shereachesandhecomforts.Anewcompellingcycleisinitiated.Thisnewconnectionredefinestherelationshipasasecurebond!Darrelsays,“Youareveryimportanttome!”Andthenheconfesses,“Itisnerve-wrackingtosaythosesimplewords.Iamsounusedtospeakingfrommyheart.”TrulyreengagedandjoiningwithCarrieintheirnewlystructuredbond,headds,“Beingopenwithyou,myfeargoesawayanditmakesmeloveyouevenmore.”“AndIfeelsomuchcalmerandsafe”,addsCarrie.

Finally,positivecyclesofbondingareconsolidatedandintegratedintothecouple’slifeinthethirdstageofEFT.Hereinpartnersandtherapistreflectontheevolvingpositive“broaden-and-buildcycles”andco-createstoriesofresilience–howtheymovedfromdistresstosecurityandhowthesechangesprojectintotheirfuturelifetogether.Oncepartnershavefoundthepathtoadeeplysatisfyingsenseoffeltsecurity,theyarelikelytostayonthispathofseekingandfindingsecureconnection(Mikulincer&Shaver,2015).

Stage3:ConsolidationInStep8withinStage3,CarrieandDarrell’snewbondallowsforopen

communication,flexibleproblemsolvingandresilientcopingwitheverydayissues.Bothfeelconfidentinasenseofbeingloveableandhavingamostimportantpersonontheirside,readytocatchthemiftheystumble.Theycannowresolvepragmaticproblemsandconsolidatechangessincetheconflictisnolongerafightaboutattachmentuncertaintiessuchas:“CanIcountonyou?AmIloveabletoyou?AmIenoughforyou?”WhenDarrellhaslongworkprojectsthattakehimawayfromthechildren,theyproblemsolvetogetherbecausethestruggleisnolongeraboutattachment.Whentheyhavedisagreementsaboutvisitingthein-laws,theycandiscusstheirdifferencesandtheirneedswithoutfeelingthreatened.

InStep9,theyconsolidatethenewpositivecycle,whichhasreplacedtheoldnegativedemand/withdrawdance.Carrieasksforreassurancewhensheneedsit.Darrellreassuresherandisengaged.Whenheroldfearsofbeingunwantedandbeingabandonedarise,Darrellsoothesher.Shefeelssecurelylovedandconnected.

Darrellparticipatesactivelyintherelationshipwithasenseofentitlementandworth,andasksforacceptanceandreassurancewhenheneedsit.Shecalmshisfearsandreassureshimheiswantedandenough!Whenheroldcriticaltoneappears,Darrellstepsforwardtoaskhertoeaseuponhim.Darrell’sfearsofrejectionandfailingaresoothedbyCarrie.Hefeelswanted,valuedandconnected.

Together,CarrieandDarrellcreateastoryofhowtheymovedfromdistresstoasecurebond.Theysetupconnectingritualstokeeptheirlovealive(suchasaspecialwayofwelcomingeachotherhomeeacheveningandbreakfastouteveryFridaymorning)andtheycreateafuturestoryofhowtheirrelationshipwillcontinuetogrow.


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ThecaseofCarrieandDarrellillustratesthejourneyofchangefromdisconnectionanddespairtoconnectionandasecurebond.ThiscaseshowstheeffectivenessofthreebasictasksofEFT.ThefirstandmostimportanttaskofbuildingandmaintaininganalliancewitheachpartnerremainssalientthroughoutallstepsandstagesofEFT.Theothertwobasictasksarereprocessingemotionalexperienceandstructuringnewinteractionsbetweenpartners.FollowingthestepsandstagesofEFTtofacilitatethesethreetasks,ispossiblewithconscious,deliberateandartfullyengageduseoftheempiricallyvalidatedEFTinterventions(Johnson,2004;Johnson&Brubacher,2016).

ReferencesJohnson,S.M.(2004).Creatingconnection:Thepracticeofemotionallyfocusedcoupletherapy

(2nded.).NewYork:Brunner/Routledge).Johnson,S.M.(2008).Holdmetight:Sevenconversationsforalifetimeoflove.NewYork:Little

Brown.Johnson,S.M.(2005)etal.,BecominganEmotionallyFocusedTherapist:TheWorkbook.New

York:Routledge.Johnson,S.M.&Brubacher,L.L.(2016).Emotionallyfocusedcoupletherapy:Empiricismandart.

InT.Sexton&J.Lebow(Eds.),ThehandbookofFamilyTherapy(2nded.).NewYork:Routledge.

JohnsonS.M.,Fontaine,M-F.&Dalgleish,T.L.(2015).Attachment:Aguidetoaneweraofcoupleinterventions.InJ.A.Simpson&W.S.Rholes(Eds.),Attachmenttheoryandresearch:Newdirectionsandemergingthemes.(pp.393-421).NewYork:Guilford.

Mikuliner,M.&Shaver,P.R.(2015)Boostingattachmentsecurityinadulthood:The“broaden-and-build”effectsofsecurity-enhancingmentalrepresentationsandinterpersonalcontexts.InJ.A.Simpson&W.S.Rholes(Eds.),Attachmenttheoryandresearch:Newdirectionsandemergingthemes.(pp.124-144).NewYork:Guilford.


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STEPS1AND2:ALLIANCEandASSESSMENT

Overview

Theattachmentframeguidestheinitialstepsofcreatingsafety,assessingtherelationshipprocess,settingatherapycontract,andidentifyingthenegativecycle.

WhataTherapistSEESandHEARSinSteps1and2:twobondingmammalscaughtinanegativecycle,mostlyunawareoftheattachmentfearsandneedsdrivingthiscycle.

WhatTherapistandClientsDOinStep1TheEFTcliniciancreatessafetyandacollaborativealliancewithanattachment

orientationinStep1ofEFT.TheEFTtherapistobservesthepresentmomentinteraction,attendingtosignsof

internalemotionalexperience,andinterpersonalinteractiveexperience.Clientsdescribetheirexperienceoftherelationship,andtheirhopesfortherapy.Thetherapistlooksforpartners’reactivitytooneanother,signalsofthestrengthoftheirmutualattachment,andindicationsofeachpartner’sopennesstothetherapistandwillingnesstoengageintherapy.Clientsexploreandindicatetheirwillingnesstoengageintheprocessofrelationshiprepair,whichthetherapistoffers.Assessmentandalliancebuildingareinseparable.Themainaspectsare:

1. Createsafetyinsessions2. Assessforcompatibleagendasbetweenpartners3. Privilegeprocessovercontent4. Makeatherapeuticcontract

WhatTherapistandClientsDoinStep2Collaborativelyexploringandnaming,thespecificnegativecycle(feedbackloop)

thatistakingovertherelationshipinvolves:1. Identifyingtheattachmentpositionsofanxiouspursuitoravoidantwithdrawal

thatcharacterizethestepsinthedance.2. Namingthedominantattachmentdance.Identifyingthemoveseachpartner

makesinthedistancingdance,thetriggersforthesemoves,andthemeaningseachpartnermakesoftheother’smovesprovidehintsoftheunderlyingfearsofabandonmentorrejectiontoaccessinStep3.Clientsparticipateinsimpleenactmentsabouttheirmovesandtriggers.

HOWaTherapistdoesSteps1and2ThroughoutSteps1andtwo,anEFTtherapist’smannerofpresenceisonethatis

closelyattunedtoandresponsivelyengagedwitheachpartnerandtheircyclicdynamic,inthepresentmoment,withtransparencyaboutthetherapyprocess.


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ALLIANCEANDASSESSMENTThefollowingtopicsarecovered:

CreatesafetywiththetherapeuticstanceandattachmentorientationCreatesafetybybeinginchargeofthesessionAssessforcompatibleagendasandpossiblecontraindicationsBriefrelationshiphistories-PrivilegeprocessovercontentBetransparentabouttheprocess–Makeatherapeuticcontract.Earlysessionsandindividualsessions–guidelines

1. CreateSafetywiththeTherapeuticStanceRogers-Empathicattunement,unconditionalacceptanceandgenuinenessBowlby–Safehaven,securebase

Whyisthetherapeuticalliancesoimportantinthismodel?____________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________

EmpathicAttunement.Tuneintotheclient.Stepintotheclient’sworld:Walkaroundinitandgetafeelforit.Useyourimaginationandyourpersonalexperiencetoconnectwiththeclient’sexperience.Beingwithpartnersinawaythatengendersafeelingofconnectednesssaysinaway,“Youarenotalone.Youaremakingsensetome.Iunderstandhoweachofyouarefeelinghurtandmisunderstood.”Trackingandattuningtoemotion:Useverbalandnonverbalmessagestoconvey,“Ihearyou.Iamwithyou.Isupportyou.Iamnotjudgingyou,butacceptingyou.”

Example:Youcanhearaclientcriticizeherhusbandforworkingsuchlonghoursandbeingconstantlypreoccupiedwithhisbusiness,andwithempathicattunementcansensethattheclientisfeeling___________________,evenbeforesheverbalizesit.Whatistheattachmenttheme?_____________________________________.Howcouldthisbeanattachmentdancebetween2people?

Example:Youseeasoftspokenrathershyclientwinceashelistenstohiswifeberatehimforspendingsolittletimewithhisson,andwithempathicattunement,cansenseheisfeeling___________evenbeforeheverbalizesit.Whatistheattachmenttheme?_______________

Example:Youhearaclientcommentingonherhusband’spastfewweeksofsobriety,“Itrusthimnowthathewon’tdrinkanymore…untilIseesomethingthattellsmeotherwise.Yes,Idotrusthimnow,but….Ijustdon’twantustoslipbackintoouroldpatterns.”Herwordstellyouthatshetrustshim,andusingyourimaginationtostepintoherworld,listeningtohernonverbalsaswellasthewholepicturesheispaintingwithherwords,youtuneinto__________________(whatunderlyingattachmentemotionsbeyondthismessage)?


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Example:ExperimentwithempathicattunementtoGeraldandthentoBarbara(fromWorkbookp.115).Stepintoeachoftheirworlds.Connectwitheachclient’sexperiencebyusingyourimagination,yourpersonalexperience,andyourfeelingsinthemomentasyoulisten.

Gerald:“Weseemtobegettingonjustfineandthensuddenlywe’renot.Barbaralaunchesintoatirade.Itcomesrightoutoftheblue!Sheambushesme!Beforeweknowwhereweare,she’stellingmeshewantsadivorce.Me,Iamlikeaturtle.Iwithdrawintomyshell,wherenoonecanhurtme….”(Atearbeginstotrickledownhischeek)“Wehaven’tevenhadahuginyears!”

Barbara:“Wearen’tgettingonfine!YoucomehomeeverynightandswitchontheTVandthereyoustayforthenight.Youneverevenseeme.Idon’texistforyou.That’swhyweneverhug.I’mtoobusysuckingupmyownanger.Isuckitupandsuckitup,andthenIcan’ttakeitanymore–Iblow!”

Imaginewhathis/heremotionalexperiencemightbe.

Gerald:______________________________________________________________________

Barbara:_____________________________________________________________________

Whatattachmentthemescande-pathologizewhatishappening?______________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

CreateanexampleofempathicreflectiontoGandthentoB

ToGerald:_____________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

ToBarbara:____________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________


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Thetwootherelementsofcollaborativetherapeuticstance(fromhumanistic,experientialapproaches)are:

UnconditionalAcceptance/Validation

Weneedfirsttoacceptwheresomeoneisbeforewecaninvitehimorhertomove.Theinterventionofvalidation(especiallywhenvalidatingangryreactiveresponsesinthecontextofthecycle)communicatesacceptanceandnon-judgmentoftheclient’sexperience.

E.g.Petersays,“Ijustwanthertobackoffinsteadofbeingsuchalunatic!”Howcanyoucommunicateacceptanceandevenvalidation?(Connectwithhisexperience.Donotjudge,invalidateorinterpret).

__________________________________________________________________________GenuinenessBeavailableforarealhumanencounter-genuine,accessibleandresponsive

Whyisthisimportant?Tohelpclienttrusttheallianceandthetherapeuticprocess.Tobewillingtoriskourhumanityinthisprocess,justasweareaskingofourclients.Whatareyourmostfeared/challengingclientsituationsthatcouldchallengeyourgenuineness?______________________________________________________________________________

AttachmentThemesTheAttachmentTheoryofAdultLoveprovidestheframeworkforunderstandingadultloverelationships.Seekingandmaintainingcontactwithsignificantothersisauniversalneed.Attachmentneedsfor“effectivedependency”arenormalizedasanecessaryforsurvival.Distressedmarriagesareinsecurebonds,whichneedtoberestructuredsothatpartnerscanexperienceeachotherasemotionallyaccessibleandresponsive.SafeHaven:Comfortandsecurity.Lovedoneisavailableandresponsive.SecureBase:Calm,confidenttoexplore,risk,learn.Thequestionis:“AREyouthereformewhenIneedyou?”“AREyouAccessible,ResponsiveandEmotionallyengaged?”“CanIdependonyouwhenIneedyou?”Theanswersareorganizedaroundtwodimensions:AnxietyandAvoidance

AttachmentlanguageExerciseinIdentifyingAttachmentLanguage:WatcharecordingofanEFTcouplesessionandidentifytheattachmentlanguagethecoupleuses.Recurringthemesincludeloneliness,fearsofabandonment,rejection,lossofconnection,fearsofbeingunworthyandunacceptableinthepartner’seyes,lackofsafetyandsupport,andfearsofnotexistinginthemindoftheother.Reachingoutwithaclearmessage,toadmitneedandaskingforcareandattention,canbeextremelyrisky.


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See“Differentstrokesfordifferentfolks:Tailoringinterventionstoattachmentstrategies”(Brubacher,2012athttp://www.carolinaeft.com/pdf/Marker_Article_Series_of_7.pdf,p.4).

AttachmentMicro-markersWatch,listenandsensethemanyimagesandnonverbalmico-markers(fleetingsigns)ofattachmentthemesanddynamics.

2. CreateSafetybyBeinginChargeoftheSession.a. Describehowyouwilllikelyinterruptattimes.Whenthecycleerupts

repeatedly:“Icanseethingscangoofftherailsbetweenyouquickly,soI’mgoingtobeinterruptingyouattimestoslowusdown,andhelpyougetfurtherinthisconversation…isthatOKwithyou?”Sometimesyoumayuseyourhandstogentlyandfirmlyinterrupt.

b. Beinchargeofwhospeaks,when.“Thankyouforsharingyourexperience,nowIwouldliketohearfromyourpartnerhows/hefeelsabouttherelationship.”or“I’mgoingtostopyouthere,yousaidsomethingreallyimportantthatIwanttounderstandbetter…”

c. CatchBullets,toreframeaggressionWhenCarrieshouts,“YoumayaswellbedeadforallIcangetoutofyou!”thetherapistcatchesthebullet.“Whenyoudon’tknowhowtoreachhim,it’ssoeasytoturnthevolumewayup,totryandgetthroughtohim,isthatit?”WhenDarrellslumpsinhischair,mumbling,“It’snotworthlisteningtoher,”thetherapistcatchesthebullet.“IwonderifitisjusttoopainfultohearyouhavemayhaveletCarriedown,thatyoujusttuneherout?”

d. Focusontheexperienceoftheonewhoisspeaking/complaining,ratherthanonthecontentofthecomplaint.“Andwhatgoesonforyouwhens/hedoesthatthingyoudislikesomuch?”or“Ihearyousayingthisisverydifficultforyou.Whathappensinsidewhenyoulookdownasyousay,‘Heworksallthetime?’”

e. Privilegeclient’sperspectiveandreactivity.Validatesecondaryreactivitytohelppartnersfeelunderstoodandtomakesenseofthenegativepattern,untiltheycanmoveslicebyslicetowardstheleadingedgeofmorevulnerableprimaryemotion.

* Note:FordetailsonthefollowingthreeaspectsofallianceandassessmentrefertosectionsonEarlySessionsandIndividualSessions,below.

3. AssessforCompatibleAgendasandPossibleContraindicationsDifferentagendas?-AmbivalenceUnacknowledgedaddictivebehaviors?LackofSafety?Competingattachments–Activeaffairs?

4. RelationshipHistories–PrivilegeprocessovercontentEntertheemotionalexperienceofeachpartnertosensehoweachpartnerexperiencestheirpartnerandhowtheyexperiencetherelationship


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Tracktherecurringsequencesofinteractionsthatperpetuatetheirdistress,eachpartner’stypicalposition(pursue/withdraw)andattachmentstrategy(hyperactivate/dismissattachmentneeds).

5. Betransparentabouttheprocess–CreateaContract(anagreementtoengageintherapy.)Themostimportantaspectoftheallianceisthatpartnersfeelthetasksoftherapyhavevalueandrelevancetotheirconcerns(Johnson&Talitman,1997).

EarlySessionsGoal:Tobuildanalliancewitheachpartner,togetasensethateachpartnerfeelsthatIunderstandtheirpositionandexperienceinthisrelationship,andthatIhaveanexperientialsenseofthecycleinwhichtheyarecaught.Idothisbyreflectingandvalidatingtheirdistressandbeginningtounderstandthedistressasanattachmentdance–oftwoindividualsinseparationdistress.

Listentooneperson’sstoryfirst.“Frequentlypeoplehaveslightlydifferentorevenverydifferentperspectivesabouttherelationship,soit’sveryimportantthatIgettohearfrombothofyou.Whowouldliketostart?”Seguetothepartnerbyaskingthemwhatit’slikeforthemtoheartheothersaysomethinginparticular(e.g.,theyfeelalone,uncaredfor,likenothingtheydoisenough.....)

Questionstofocusthecoupleandstarttoworkinfirstsession:Whatinitiallydrewyoutooneanother?Arethere/havetherebeentimesyoufeelcloseandconnected?Whatdoes/didthatlooklike?Whathaspromptedyoutofeelyouarestuckorinneedofhelpatthistime?Whatareyourhopesforoutworktogether?Hopes,goals,changeseachonelongsfor,intherelationship?Whendoyoutypicallygetinabadplace?(Forsome,thebadplace/thenegativecycleisanarguments.Forothers,itmaybethesilenttreatment.)Askingwhenistohelpidentifytypicaltriggersfornegativeinteractions.Whatdoesatypicalargumentlookslike?Inviteaplay-by-playaccountofhowanargumenttypicallyunfolds.Whowalksawayfirst?Doeseitherpartnereverleaveduringanargument?Forhowlong?Whatisitlikefortheother?Afteranargument,whoapproachesfirsttoreconcile?Aretheyabletorepairafterdisconnection?Howdoeseachofthemendupfeelingafterafightorcoldsilence?Evokethefeelingsandthebehaviorsastheyplayout.Alsoevokewhatitisliketobediscussingthis.

Relationshiphistory–Itrytogetasenseoftheirrelationshipstory–howitevolved–whatdrewthemtooneanother-pivotalevents(listenforpossibleattachmentinjuries)thatshapedtheirrelationship.

SourcesofComfort–What/whoiseachone’sprimarysourceofcomfortatthistime?Aretheyabletogiveeachothercomfortnow?How?When?


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Howmuchistouch,physicalaffection,makinglovepartoftheirrelationship?Whodidtheytogotoforcomfortasachildwhentheywereafraid?Whoheldthemwhentheycried?(Listenforsignsofsafety,addictivebehaviorsforcomfort,competingattachments.)

Assessingforpossiblecontraindications.Arethereevertimeswhenanargumentescalatestophysicalpushing,shoving,slapping,hitting,throwingthings?Ifso,whenwasthelasttimethisoccurred?Doeseitherpartnerfeelafraidoftheother?(Verifythislastquestionagaininindividualsessions)Doyoudrinkalcoholorusedrugs?Areargumentsdifferent(worse)whenyoudo?

Summarizethestuckcyclethatcomesoutastheyinteractanddescribetheirinteractions.Thiscaninstillhopefortheirrelationship,aswellasnormalizeandvalidatetheirexperienceastwowell-intentionedpeopledoingtheirbesttostayconnected,yetcaughtinacyclethatseparatesandhurtsthemboth.

Processismoreimportantthancontent!Youwillnotasknearlyallthesequestions,rather,youcreateaconversation.Listentotheemotionaltoneintheroomandtakingnoteofhoweachonegetstriggeredbytheother.Notesignsofwheneachpartnerrespondstoorturnsawayfromtheother.Observetheirvoicetoneandbodiesandfaceswhiletheytalkandwhiletheotherpartnertalks.Takenoteofwhentheretheysharesimilarviewoftheirstrengthsanddifficultiesandwhentheirperspectivesareverydifferent.

Solicitfeedback,makeinformalcontract.Beforetheendoffirstsession,inviteeachpartnertoexpresshowtheyfeelaboutthiswayofworkingtogether/aboutthissessionandtheirwillingnesstoworktogether.

Betransparentabouttheprocessoftherapy.Clarifyyourviewthatthereisnotonepersontoblameherefortheirdistress,butthatit

isatwo-persondancethattheyhavegottencaughtinandthathasbecomeanautomaticwayofcopingwithdistress,fearsandpain.Letthemknowweneedbothpartner’sactiveparticipationtoeffectivelyreshapetherelationship.Askforeachpartner’swillingnessandagreementtoengageintheprocessofshiftingtheirdistressintoapositive,safer,andmoresupportiverelationship.Describeintermediategoalsintheprocessofreachingthatgoal.

Whatisyour“elevatorspeech”todescribetheprocessofEFT?Prepareaheadbywritingoutyourowndescription.(Thenseeexamples,below).

Informthemthatafterthefirstsessionor2youwillhaveindividualmeetingswitheachpartnerandthenresumeyourworkasacouple.Inthefirstsession,IrecommendtheyaugmenttheirtherapywithreadingHoldMeTight.Itrytohavebooksonhandtogivethemacopy.ItellthemthebookwaswrittenbyDr.SueJohnson,whodevelopedtheformofcoupletherapythatIpractice.


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“ElevatorSpeech”oftheEFTprocess,Examples

“Webeginwithhearingfromeachofyouaboutwhatdrewyoutooneanother,whathaspromptedyoutofeelyouarestuckandinneedofhelpatthistime.Wewilldiscussanypivotaleventsthathaveimpactedyourrelationship.Togetherwewillidentifythecyclethatblocksyoufromhavingthesaferelationshipyoudesire.Wewillalsoexplorehowyoutriggereachotherintothisautomaticspin--andwhatarethesofteremotionsandneedshiddenunderneaththatyouareunabletoexpressatthistime.Wewillworktogethertodisempowerthenegativecycleandmakeitsafeenoughtoshareyourmostlyunspokensofteremotions,fearsandneeds.Sharingthosepreviouslyunspokenfearsandneedswillpullyourpartnertoloveandacceptyou,andhelpyoutochangethisnegativeautomaticcycleintoapositiveonewhereyoucanfeelsafer,happierandmoresupported.”

Dr.SueJohnsonusesthedancemetaphor.Shesays,“Itellmycouplesthatarelationshipisadance-andtherhythmsandhabitualstepsofthedancehavetheirownmomentum-cantakeover.InEFT,welookatthedanceyouarecaughtinandhowitleavesyoubothhurtingandfrustrated.Wehelpyoustepoutofyournegativedanceandcreateanewdancethatissafer,closerandmoresatisfying.Wetalkaboutemotionsalotbecausetheyarethemusicofthedance-wehelpyouunderstandthesignalsyousendthatmightmakeithardforyourpartnertocomecloseandhelpyousendnewemotionalsignalsthatpullyourpartnertowardsyouandhelpyoudancetogether-inharmony."

IndividualSessionsUsuallydoneafterfirst1or2couplesessions.Purpose:

1. Tofosteralliance.2. Toobserveandinteractwitheachpartnerincontextwithoutpartner.3. Tohearhoweachpartnerseesandfeelsabouttheirpartnerandtherelationship.4. Toobtaininformationandcheckhypotheses(e.g.competingattachments,levelof

commitment,previousattachmenttraumathatimpactrelationshipinpresent,contraindications,fearsofsafety,etc.).

5. Torefineyourimpressionsofattachmentfearsandneedsunderlyingtheirinteractionalpositionsandtobegintoarticulatethem.

SomeThingstoConsiderforIndividualSessionsSecrets.Ifissuesarisethatseemrelevanttobeingabletohelpyouinyourrelationship,

thatyouareuncomfortablesharingwithyourpartner,Iwillencourageyoutotalktoyourpartneraboutitbeforeournextsession.Icanhelpyoutodothatifyou’dlikemyhelp,sinceIcannothelpyouasacoupleifIamholdingasecret.Secretswillinterferewithmeetingyourgoals.

ComfortSeeking.Howdoyoucomfortorsootheyourselfwhenyouarenotateaseinyourrelationship?Doyouhaveanybodyinyourlifethatyoucantalktoabouthowyoufeel?Aboutyourrelationshipdifficulties?


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Previousrelationships.Whatweretheylike?Howdidtheyend?Patternsorthemesthatrecurred?

Touchandphysicalintimacy.Howdoyoufeelaboutthequalityoftouchandphysicalintimacyinyourrelationship?

Affairs.Haveyoueverhadaffair?Ifso,isitover?Doesyourpartnerknow?Haveyoueversuspectedthatyourpartnerwashavinganaffair?

Violenceorabuse.Istherephysicalviolenceorabuseofanykind?Verifywhetherpersonisunafraidofpartner.Checkforemotionalorphysicalfear.(CanuseHITS=Hurt?Insult?Threaten?Scream?DVscreeningtool,Sherin,2003)

Drugoralcoholuse.(Ifso,emotionallifeisnotaccessible.)Explorehowsubstances/otheraddictivebehaviors(pornuseetc.)arepartofthecycle.(CouldadaptCAGE(Ewing,1984) orPATHOS,Carnesetal.,2012,tocycleexploration.)

FamilyofOrigin/Childhood.(Canexploremostofthisincouplesessions–Useindividualsessionforanydetailspartnerdidnotthinktoshareorwishtoshareincouplesession.)Whatwasitlikegrowingupinyourfamily?Whodidyoufeelclosestto?Whodidyougotoforcomfortwhenyoucried,werefeelingscared?Whatwasyourrelationshiplikewithyourfather?Yourmother?Anyothersignificantattachmentfigures?Whatwasyourparents’relationshiplike?Howdidtheydealwithconflict?Didyouseethemargue?Whatdiditlooklike?Wasthereeveranyphysicalviolence?Whatdiditlooklike?Whatwasitlikeforyou;whatdidyoudo?Werethereanysignificantlygoodorbadthingsthathappenedtoyougrowingup?Didanyoneevertouchyouinawaythatmadeyoufeeluncomfortable?

MentalHealthDifficulties.Isthereanyhistoryofmentalhealthproblemsinyourfamily?Haveyoueverhadanymentalhealthdifficulties?Depression?Anxiety?When?Therapy?Medications?

Ambivalence.Ifseemingambivalentordetached:Whatkeepsyouintherelationship?Isthereanythingwehaven’ttouchedonthatyoufeelwouldbeimportantformetoknow

aboutyoutohelpyourrelationship?


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STEP2:TRACKINGANDFORMULATINGTHECYCLE

Lookforacommonpattern:Whoispursuerandwhoiswithdrawer?Whohyperactivatesattachmentneedsandwhodismissesthem(one’sownandothers’)?Cyclescanvarybutwearelookingforeachpartner’stypicalresponseinwhenfeelingvulnerableorunderstress(threat).Wearelookingatthecyclebetweenclosenessanddistance.Listenforanythingthathastodowithcloseness,connectionanddisconnection.

TYPESOFCYCLES:Pursue/Withdraw.Mostcommoncycle.Animage:HideandSeek;HoldMeTightmetaphor:ProtestPolkaAttack/AttackSequences.Oftenawithdrawerfeelingprovoked,turnsandfightsback.Animage:RagingStorm;HoldMeTightmetaphor:FindtheBadGuyWithdraw/Withdraw.Mayappeartobedominantpattern,butlikelyanunderlyingpursue/withdrawpatternwhereblamerhasgivenup.Animage:Frozenlake;HoldMeTightmetaphor:FreezeandFleeComplexCycles.Oftenseenintraumasurvivorswherebothanxietyandavoidancearehigh.Pursuersmaywithdrawwhenconnectionisoffered.Connectionisnottrusted.Hereweseemulti-movecyclesandcomplicatedsequences.ReactivePursue/WithdrawFrequentlythisisseenwhenthecoupleisatthebrinkofseparation--followsalonghistoryofpursue/withdraw.Pursueris“burnedout”.Withdraweris“reborn”andpursuerdoesn'ttrustit.Itseemsthatwhenthepursuerisalmostoutthedoor,thewithdraweriscomingback.Youworkwiththecyclethatispresent,butkeepinmindtheoriginalcycle.AnexcellentexampleofthiscycleisthecasepresentedthroughouttheEFTWorkbook.

Whichcyclescanyouidentifyfromthecouplesyouhaveworkedwith?Canyoutrackthecycleontheinfinityloop?(WhatdoespartnerAdothattriggersPartnerB’sworstattachmentfear?WhatreactiononthepartofBtothisfearthentriggersPartnerA,whichresult’sinA’sreactivebehaviorsthatinturntriggerB’sfearsandreactionsandsoon.)Developalistofquestionsthatpullforidentifyingthecyclepositions.

Questionsyoucanaskthatpullforbondingexperiences/timesofsecureattachment:


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InHoldMeTight,Johnsonencouragespartnerstoexaminetheirpartsinacycle:

When_________________________________(cueortriggerthatstartsthecycle.)[Fillinthebehavioralcuethatstartsthedanceofdisconnection–whatyouperceivefromyourpartnerthattriggersyourlackofeaseorsafetyandfearintherelationship].

ThenItendto___________________________________[Chooseanactionword;whatyouDO].(behaviororactiontendency.)

WhatIsaytomyselfatthistimeis__________________________________________________.[Insertyourworstfearsaboutyourselfortheother].(attachmentmeanings)

ThemoreI___________,themoreyou______________;themoreyou________,themoreI_______andwearebothtrappedin_____________________[Chooseemotionsthatcaptureyourexperience--e.g.painorisolation].

AdaptedfromHoldMeTightpp.95–97.


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CORESKILLS(INTERVENTIONS)USEDINSTEPS1&2

ReflectionReflectionisusedextensivelyinallStepsandstagesofEFT.Whatdowereflect(mirror,echo,repeat,paraphrase)?

1. Client’swords- especiallyattachmentrelatedwords,phrases- toshowunderstanding,toclarifyandmakeexperienceexplicit

2. Client’sexperience:(inneremotionalexperience)Reflectthesecondaryreactiveemotionandtheprimaryemotion(clientmayormaynotbeawareofit;wemaybeguessingatit)

Thesereflectionsopenthedoorforexploringanddeepeningtheexperience.Collaborativelyexploringclient’sexperiencesimultaneouslydeepenstherapist’sunderstandingofclient’sexperienceanddeepens/expandsclient’sattentiontohis/herownexperience.

Example:Sallysays,“Johnwasincrisisabouthisjobandhewasnotthereatallformewithmytripstoemergency,mymedicaltestsandthisbigcancerscare!”HowcanyoureflectSally’sexperience?

BasicReflection:_____________________________________________________

Secondaryreactiveemotion:________________________________________

Whatprimaryemotionisimpliedontheedgeofawareness(theleadingedge)?______________

3. Nonverbals:(weeping,lookingdown,clenchingfists,closingeyes/withflutteringlids,swallowhard,bitinglips,etc.)

Youmaychoosetoreflectthistotheclientoryoumaychoosetosimplybesilentlyaware.

Example-Simplereflectionofnonverbals:TherapisttoDonnawhoexpressesexasperationoverherresponsibilitiesfortheentirehouseholdandherfulltimejob,“Yousoundangryandthenalmostterrifiedthatyoucannotpossiblymanageallthisalone.”Donnapausesalongtime,hereyesfillwithtearsandshereachesforatissue.

Howwouldyousimplyreflectwhatyousee?


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4. Incongruencebetweenverbalandnonverbal:

Example:Marksmilesashesays,“Ithinkshe’sstillresentingmefornotstayingatthehospitalwithherthreeyearsago.”Respectfullyandgentlyreflectthetwomessages:

5. Interactions(e.g.alook,agesture)Reflectinginteractionsastheyunfoldisalsocalled“tracking”Bensitsbackandcloseshiseyesasthevolumeofwife’svoicerises.Howcouldyoureflectthisunfoldingprocess?_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Trackingthecycleinteraction:–thetrigger,thelimbicsenseofdanger,theattachmentmeaning,theemotionandthebehavioralresponse:Example2:“SowhenKathysays,‘Whycan’tyouever…!?’[trigger]analarmbellgoesoffinyourhead.Youhearthatthewomanyouloveisunhappywithyouandthisissoupsettingforyou.Beforeyouknowit,you‘blowafuse’.”Intheexampleabove,identifythecuewhichtriggersasenseofthreat:______________;thebodilyarousal:____________________;theattachmentmeaning_____________________,thereactivesecondaryemotionandactiontendency______________________andthelikelyunderlingprimaryemotion:__________________________.

AccurateEmpathicReflections:CaseExample

Imagineyouarestrugglingtoempathizewithaclientwhoistriggeringjudgmentalfeelingsinyou.Youhearhimbeingdomineering,controllinganddemandingtowardshiswife.Hepresentswithaviewof“oldschoolmanhood”andhiswifeisindependent,competentanduncertainifshestillwantstobewithhim.Hehashadnumerousaffairsovertheyears,butisnotinvolvedwithanyonepresently.

Louie:“Ithurtsmetoadmitit,butwehadplanstogotothemeetingandtheweatherwasverybadandsoIcancelledthetrip.Iwasblownawaywhenshecalledandsaidshewasgoinganyway!Ithurtsmetoadmitit,butIwasblownaway!Whatwindsmeupisthatsomethingchallengesthesafetyofmyfamilyandshejustwentaheadanddecidedforherself.Wealwayscaredforeachother…welookoutforeachother.IamtheproviderandprotectorandIwantittobethatway.IgetsowoundupwhenIseethatshedoesn’twantmetoprotecther!”

Youfindyourselfgettinglostinhisdominanceanddemands.Youstrugglewithattuningtohisexperienceandtryingtobeacceptingandunderstanding.Howcanyouapproachhimwithanattachmentframeandrespondwithempathicreflections?

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Validation

ValidationisusedextensivelyinEFTassessment.Validationisused“toaffirmtheclient’sexperience,toconveytoeachpartnerthathis/heremotionsandresponsesarelegitimateandunderstandableinthecontextoftheirexperience.”(Workbookp.119)Weusevalidationtorespondtoclient’sdescriptionofpastexperienceortopresentexperience.

PastExperienceExample1:(adaptedfromWorkbookp.119)Cindy:Afterwefight,hewon’tspeaktomefordays.

Therapist:What’sthatlikeforyou?(evocativequestion)

Cindy:Itmakesmefeeldesperatelyafraid…likewell,--likeit’sover.

T:(validatingprimaryemotion)Soafteroneofthesefights,foryouit’slikeyoulosehim.Andyoufeeldesperateandafraid,likeheisgoneforever?”(empathicreflection)

C:Ifeellikehe’llneverspeaktomeagain!Imustbeababytogetsoscared.

T:Itmakessensetomehowscaryitgetsforyouifhedoesn’ttalkwithyou.(validation)–Heissoveryprecioustoyou,right?

PastExperienceExample2:Paula:Afterwefight,hewon’tspeaktomefordays.

Therapist:Thatsoundsverydifficult.(evocativeresponse)

P:Itmakesmesofrustrated…likeit’sallmyfaultagain…hejustwon’tbothertotalktomeb/chethinksIamtoocrazytobotherwith!

Createavalidatingresponsethatvalidateshersecondaryreactiveemotion,inthecontextofherexperienceand/orinthecontextofthecycle:

________________________________________________________________________

PresentExperience--hereandnowinthesession

Example:Kent:Didyouseehowshelookedatmejustnow?....AssoonasItellherthekidsshouldn’tbeinourbedanymore….…Therapist:Whatdidyouseeonherface?(evocativequestion,tohearaboutthecueheperceived)Kent:Isawthatlook……likeherehegoesagain….itseemsshecanneverhearmypointofview.

HowwouldyourespondtoKent,validatinghisin-the-momentexperience?Core Skills in EFT, Workshop 1, 2018-19 © Lorrie Brubacher, M.Ed., LMFT (NC # 1245), ICEEFT Certified Trainer This material may only be reproduced for noncommercial use with appropriate referencing.


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________________________________________________________________________

Whilevalidating,includesecondaryreactiveemotion(usuallyinvolvingangerorthedenialofhavinganyfeelings).“Thetherapistalwaysplacessecondaryemotioninthecontextoftheclient’sexperience(andalsointhecontextofthecycle)andvalidatesit.”(Workbook,p.119)

Example:“Iamsoexasperatedwithhim!Ihavetriedtenwaystogethisattention,andhedoesn’thearme!”Thefirsttaskistovalidatethesecondaryemotion:“Ofcourseyouarefrustratedwithhimwhenitseemstoyouthatheisnottakingtimetohearyou.”Thishelpstheclienttofeelseenandimmediatelybringsdownthelevelofanxiety/reactivityintheroom,whichthenopensthedoorforfurtheringexplorationandlinkingtheelementstoeachother.

Carefulvalidation:Takecarethatvalidatingoneclientdoesnotinvalidateoralienatetheother.Focusingontheprocessratherthanonthecontentishelpful.(FormoreonthisseeWorkbookp.120)Caseexamplefromgroup?

Reframing(SeeWorkbookpp.121&122formore)

Donotrushintoareframeandtherebyinvalidatetheclient.

KeyEFTreframeforangerandcriticism:Protestaboutwantingtobeimportant/abouttheotherbeingimportanttoyou.

Example:“Wewereatthemeeting,andIwassoproudtobewithher.Herspeechwasawesome.Andthenatcoffeetimeshecompletelyignoredme.Ithought,‘WhatamI?Choppedliver?’Iwaslivid!YesIknowIwentforheronthewayhome!”

Therapist:Yourangersoundslikeitaboutlongingtobethereatherside,becausesheissoimportanttoyou.-Isthatit?

KeyEFTreframeforwithdrawal:Pullingbacktoprotecttherelationship.

KeyEFTreframeforpartner’snegativecycleofdistress:Afightforsecureattachment/forconnection.Negativecycleistheenemypreventingthemfromfeelingsafeandcloseandaccepted.Seeworkbookp.88forareframeofafightasafightforsecureattachment.

CatchingtheBulletisareframe(withanattachmentconjecture),whichbypassaggressionandfocusesinsteadontheunderlyingprimarypain(andthegoodintention).Thisreframetakesthestingoutoftheaggressivecommentandhelpstocreatesafetyinthesession.


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Example:Wifetearfullyexplainshowhusbanddidn’tunderstandhersadnessfollowinghermiscarriage.Herespondswithaswiftandangryresponse:“IfIhadadollarforeverytimeyouweren’tthereforme,I’dbearichman!”T:(catchingthebullet):WhatI’mgettingisthatitistrulyhardforyoutohearherdisappointment,sohardthatsomehowyoumoveintostopher.(p.122Workbook)

Example:Ben:“ThingsaresotensewhenwegethomefromhockeySatmornings!Ineverknowwhatwillsetheroff!There’snothingwecandowhensheloosesit.Sheiscrazy!”

T:(catchingthebullet)__________________________________________________Refertoworkbookpp.122and123formoreexamples.

Evocativequestions

Assessmentismoreofadialoguethanaseriesofquestionsandanswers.Thetherapistseekstoentertheexperienceofeachpartner,tounderstandhoweachpersonconstructshis/herunderstandingoftherelationship(Step1),andtotracktherecurringsequencesofinteractionsthatperpetuatethecouple’sdistress,aswellanypositivecyclesofinteractionwheretheyareabletoreachforandrespondtooneanother’sneedsforsupportandcomfort(Step2).

Thereare,however,somequestionswhichcanbeusedtoevokepartners’explorationoftheircurrentrelationshipanditsevolution,aswellastheirbroaderattachmenthistories(pastromanticandchildhoodrelationships).TherearealsoquestionsanEFTtherapistusestoexplicatetherelationshipstrengthsandthetypicalnegativecycleofdistress.

Examples:Evocativequestionsaboutrelationshiphistories:Who/whatisyourmainsourceofcomfortnowwhenyouarestressed?Whoheldyouwhenyoucriedasachild?Whodidyougotowhenyouwerescared?

Evocativequestions,toaccessawarenessofthenegativeorpositivecycles:Aretheretimesyoucanreachtooneanotherwhenyouarestruggling?Whatareyourbestmomentstogether?Whendoyoutypicallygetintothissilenttreatmentphase?Howdoesyourargumenttypicallybegin?Whoistypicallythefirstonetoreconnectafteranargumentordaysofsilenttreatment?

Usequestionsandpromptstoevokeor“callup”emotions.Expandtheemotionalexperience,whichmaybeverymarginaloronthe“leadingedge”ofthepartner’sexperience.Alwayspresentanevocativeresponseinatentativemanner,toinvitetheclienttoexploreandprocessinanewlyarticulatedmanner.AlsoseeWorkbookpp.64,65.


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Formingevocativeresponses:“Usequestionstoexploretheemotionalexperienceofaclient,oftenbuildingfromanonverbalexpression…focusonthehow,whatandwhereofaperson’sexperience.”Donotaskwhyquestions.“Why”evokesabstract,cognitiveresponsesratherthanemotionalexperience.(Workbook,p.65).

Askabouttheimpactofaneventasithappensinsession:“Whatishappeningforyouasyouhearhimsay‘I’velearnedtopickmybattles’?”or“Whatdoesthatmeanforyouwhenshesays,‘I’velearnedtopickmybattles’?”

Evocativequestions,toaccessthedifferentelementsofemotion:• “Whatdoyouseethattellsyouheisnotlistening?(toevokethecueortrigger)• “Whendoyougetthemessagethatheisignoringyou?”(toevokethecueortrigger)• “Whatdoyoufeellikedoingwhen…(toevoketheactiontendency)• “Whatsensationsdoyoufeelinyourbodywhenthishappens?”(toevokeawarenessof

physiologicalarousal)• “Whatdoesittellyouwhenhedoesnotlisten?”(toevokethisattachmentmeaning).

SmallEmpathicConjectures(usedlessinsteps1and2)Makingempathicinferencesbydrawingonyour“experienceofthecouple’scycle,empathicimmersioninclient’spositionandexperienceinthiscycle,andunderstandingofadultlovebasedonattachmenttheory.”(Workbook,p.72).• Conjecturesareinformedbyfearsofengulfment,rejectionandabandonment.• Conjecturesmustbeofferedwithtentativeness• Theseexploratoryresponsesareforthepurposeofenhancingclients’attentiontoandengagementwithemotion.• Theyarenotcognitiveinterpretations,butempathicresponsesbasedonempathicimmersionintheclient’sworldofexperienceandonanunderstandingofattachmentprocesses.

Simple:Conjectureaboutexperiencebeyondtheirawarenessorthathasnotyetbeenformulated.Therapisttakesonestepontheleadingedge…andconjecturesaboutattachmentemotione.g.“AsIlistentoyouIhearyousayingyou’reangryabouthislackofconcernforyou,butIseethetearsinyoureyesandIwonderifyouarealsosayingthatyouarefeelingsadasyousaythis.Doesthatseemtofit?”

Complex:Drawsontherapist’sengagementwiththecouple’spatternandontheirindividualexperience–informedbyattachmenttheoryandcouplebonds.Useattachmentrelatedthemes.Exampleofaconjectureaboutattachmentlongings:“Yousaythatyouarelonelyandthatthepainofyourlonelinessissooverwhelmingthatyouturnandgetaggressivewithhim.Iwonderiflonelinessislikeadeepdesiretoconnectandtobeheldandcomforted?


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Sometimeswhenyougetaggressive,Iwonderifitisaboutadeeplongingtobeclose?Doesthatfit?”

Exampleofaconjectureaboutadefensive/protectivestrategy:“Soitseemslikeyouhearherwordsandyouseehertears,andyoujustfeellikeafailure…yougetscaredthatshewillnevertrustyouagain…Thatyouarenotworthy,notforgivableandsoyoupullawaymoreandmore?Andyouactlikeyoudon’tcare?Isthatit?”

EnactmentsInanenactment,thetherapistgivesdirectionsforonepartnertotalkdirectlytotheirpartner.Theexperiencebringspartnersintodirectcontactwitheachotherintheimmediatemoment.Thefocusisonowninganddisclosingexperience,notdiscussingit.Theaimistopromoteresponsivecontact,notalongerdiscussion.Inthebeginningoftherapyenactmentsareusedtohelppartnersseethenegativecyclemoreclearlyandtomoreactively”see”and“own”theirpositions.

Setthestage:Istheattachment-significantcontextormeaningclear?Istheresufficientowningoftypicalpositions,actiontendenciesorattachment-relatedemotionalengagementinthemoment?Helpthecoupleanticipatecontact.

Choreograph:Maketherequest,brieflyrestatingthesignificantattachmentpositionoremotiontodisclose.Maintainfocus.

Processtheexperience:Checkwithdisclosingpartnerwhatitwasliketodiscloseandmakecontact.Checkwithreceivingpartnerwhatitwasliketoreceivethedisclosure.Reflect,validate,reflect.

YoucanalsofollowtheEFTTangotostructureanenactment.


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RolePlayforCoreSkillsWorkshopOne

Pleasedivideintogroupsof4or5.Youwillneedtwoclients,atherapistabackuptherapistandpossiblyanobserverwhowillreportbacktothegroupafterrole-plays.

GoalsofTherapist

1 Unfoldthiscouple’snegativeinteractivecycle(Step2),trackingandreflectingtheiractiontendenciesinthecycle.[“Themorehe_________,themoreyou_________;themoreshe__________,themoreyou_________.”]Invitethemtoownandenacttheirtypicalpositions.

2 Evokeandreflectattachmentmeaningstriggeredinthecycleortriggeringthecycle.(E.g.“WhatdiditsaytoyouAnne,thathewaslate?”;Whatdoesheroutragesaytoyou,Ted?”)

3 Attuneto,acknowledgeandvalidate–thesecondaryemotionsofeachpartner.4 Attuneto,acknowledgeandvalidatethemeanings,viewofselfandother.5 Catchbullets(reframeaggressionasunspokendifficulty,painetc)wherenecessary.

Assumeyouhavealready:Learnedaboutcouples’identifyingdata(age,occupation,numberofchildrenetc.).AssessedforsuitabilityforEFT.

GoalsofBackupTherapist.

1 Sitclosetotherapist,trackingthesessionclosely.2 Iftherapisthasagreedtothis,offernewdirectioniftherapistsoundsstuck.3 Bereadytostepinastherapistafterapprox.10min.

GoalsofObserver.

1 Noteinterventionsused.2 Notecycleasformulatedaswellasclients’graspofthecycle.3 Anyotherobservations?4 Bereadyreportbacktocoregroupfollowingrole-play.

GoalsofCouple:

Asyoudothisrole-play,trytogetasenseofwhatitfeelsliketobeunderstoodandvalidatedinthisway.Perhapsyoucouldshareyourexperienceasaclientwithyourgroup.


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Scenario-AnneandTed

Thisisyourfirstinterviewwithacouplewhodescribesadistantrelationship,withfrequentargumentsthatescalateintonamecallingwithextremeanger,leavingthemdistantandsilentfordays.Youaskthecoupleforanexampleofsuchanargument,andtheydescribewhathappenedpriortotoday’ssession.TheyhadplannedforTedtopickAnneupoutsideherofficesothattheycouldrunanerrandtogetherbeforetheirappointmentwithyou.Annestoodonthesidewalkoutsideherofficeattheappointedtime,butTedkeptherwaitingfor30minutes,intherain.Theydidnotaccomplishtheirerrand.Annewasoutragedatherhusband’slateness,tellinghimterselythathemightnotthinkshehadanythingusefultodoinherworkplace,butshebegstodiffer.Howdarehekeepherwaiting?Ted’spleasforleniency(hehadbeenheldupbecauseofaroadtrafficaccidentandhadforgottenhiscellphone)weretonoavail.

Scenario2

Changeroles,thenusingthesameformatasabove,playoneofthecouplesdescribedorseenduringworkshop.

Lorrie Brubacher MEd, LMFT (NC # 1245), Certified EFT Supervisor and Trainer

Director, Carolina Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy

Director, Winnipeg EFT Training and Consulting

Outline for Case Presentations

Participants need to present once during the 4 Core Skills workshops. The presentation

can be in video or audio form. Audio recordings must be accompanied by a transcript

of 15 minutes of the session. If you present a video recording and the audio is not

adequate for the group to understand, a transcript (or subtitles) must be made available

for each participant. Any presentation will be no more than one hour long. It may be

shorter as well. The therapist will present the case (outline to follow), will play

approximately 10-15 minutes of the session and allow 20 minutes for discussion and

possibly role-play. It is not required that the case be specific to the EFT steps being

discussed but should be an EFT-oriented session.

Before playing your video, briefly focus on:

1. Where the couple is in the EFT process. Number of sessions to date. The Stage the couple is in. How the couple defines their cycle. What change events have occurred?

2. Your questions for the group. For example, where do you feel stuck, or what interventions do you find difficult? What feedback are you seeking from your colleagues?

In addition, you may briefly comment on any of the optional following aspects you feel the group needs to know:

1. Ages, work, marital status, children, previous marriages2. Their presenting problem3. Significant elements of their relationship history-pivotal moments or

relationship (attachment) injuries4. Any other significant life events in -family of origin, sense of secure attachment,

previous trauma and so on.


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CONSENTTORECORDTHERAPYSESSIONSFORCONSULTATION/TRAINING

InordertoconstantlyimprovemycounselingIliketorecordmytherapysessions.IfyouarecomfortablewiththisIneedyourwrittenpermission.Ourworkincounselingwillnotbeaffectedbytherecordingandyouarefreetosayno.Ifatanytimeyouchangeyourmindwecanstoptherecording.

Wegivepermissionfor____________________torecordourcounselingsessionsforthepurposeofgettingfurthertrainingfromLorrieBrubacher,M.Ed.LMFT(NC#1245),CertifiedTrainerandSupervisorinEmotionallyFocusedTherapy(EFT).

Pleaseinitialtheoptionsagreeabletoyou.(Initials)

1) Forourtherapist_________________________toreviewoutsideofsessions. ____ ____

2) Forourtherapist_________________________touseinmeetingwithconsultant/trainerL.BrubachertohelpmelearntheEFTmodel. ____ ____

3) Forourtherapist_________________________touseinconsultation/traininggroupsofothertherapists. ____ ____

Weunderstandthattherecordingsofthesession(s)andtheconsultant’sfeedbacktothetherapistwillbekeptprivateandconfidentialbytheconsultant/trainerLBrubacher.Weunderstandthatnonamesoridentifyinginformationotherthanwhatisontherecordingwillbeprovidedtoanyone.

Wealsoagreethattheconsultantisonlyresponsibleforprovidingtraining/consultationtothetherapistontheuseoftheEFTmodel.Thistrainingisaservicetothetherapist.Thetherapististhensolelyresponsiblefortheconductofourtherapysessionsandanyoutcomesofthesesessions.InconsiderationoftheconsultantprovidingthetrainingtothetherapistintheEFTmodel,weagreethattheconsultantLorrieBrubachershallnotbe,inanyway,heldresponsiblebyusorbyanyotherpersonassociatedwithusforwhatoccursinanyofourtherapysessionsortheoutcomeofthosesessions.


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Inthecasewhereweagreethatarecordingofoursessioncanbeusedbyourtherapistinsmallgroupconsultationwithothertherapistsandtheconsultant/trainerLorrieBrubacher,(#3above)weunderstandthatourconfidentialitywillbeprotectedatalltimes.Ifanytherapistintheconsultationgroupknowseitherofusinanywaywhatsoeverheorshewillnotviewtherecordingandwillkeepconfidentialityasperstandardprofessionalguidelines.

Signed:

Name:___________________________________________(Signature)

___________________________________________(Print)

Name:___________________________________________(Signature)

___________________________________________(Print)

Therapist:_________________________________________(Signature)

___________________________________________(Print)

Date:_________________________________

EFT Knowledge and Competency Scale (EFT-KACS)©

Hanna Levenson & Mira Svatovic

DirectionsFor each item please indicate:(1) how knowledgeable you are with what is required to execute the skill; and(2) how competent you think you are in executing that skill on a scale from:

1 (not at all) 2 3 4 5 6 7 (quite a lot)

1. Creating safety in the session and maintain a positive alliance.

Knowledge (circle one): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Competence (circle one): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

2. Validating partner’s emotions without invalidating the other partner’s emotions.



3. Continually reframing the problem in terms of the cycle (e.g., track and reect).



4. Managing the couple’s interaction (e.g., conict) and redirecting the focus when necessary.



5. Using EFT emotion-focused interventions (e.g., heightening, reection, etc.) to explore and expandemotions and place them in the cycle (Step 3).



6. Working with primary emotion, especially with RISSSC (Steps 5 & 6).



Knowledge&CompetencyScale.pdf

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7. Placing emerging emotions into the cycle.



8. Using enactments therapeutically.



9. Managing defensive responses (secondary emotions).



10. Maintaining session focus (especially on emotion, the cycle, and attachment issues).



11. Framing the cycle, problems, and emotions in terms of attachment needs and fears.



12. Following the steps and stages of EFT.



13. Consolidation of change and development of new narratives.



Content of scale items based on work of Denton, W.H., Johnson, S.M., & Burleson, B.R. (2009). Emotion-focusedtherapy—Therapist Fidelity Scale: Conceptual development and content validity. Journal of Couple andRelationship Therapy, 8, 226-246.

Reprinted with permission of first author, Hanna Levenson

Knowledge&CompetencyScale.pdf

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core skills training in emotionally focused couple therapy · 2. to build the therapeutic alliance...

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