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SUNDAY SEMINARY: COUNSELING

April 2016

COUNSELING

PROGRAM

“If anyone wants to be my disciple, let him renounce himself and take up his cross and follow me”

(Mk 8:34))

“Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Gal 6:2)

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COURSE OBJECTIVESThis course is designed to help you understand the privilege and responsibility you have

to help other believers live the Christian life. It will equip you with the Biblical knowledge and practical resources you need to be an “Instrument in the Redeemers Hands.”

COURSE OUTLINE1. Instruments in the hands of the Redeemer (chapter 1-3)2. Getting to the heart of the matter (chapter 4-5)3. How to be more helpful (chapter 6)4. Love: Building relationships (chapter 7-8)5. Know: Getting to know people (9-10)6. Speak: Speaking the truth in love (11-12)7. Do: Formal counselling (13-14)

Break for Easter (25 March)

8. Overview: How people change9. Getting help: Resources at your disposal10. Essential Do’s and Don’ts

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES Paul David Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemers Hands: People in Need of Change

Helping People in Need of Change, P&R Publishing, 2002.

Wayne Mack, A Fight to the Death: Taking Aim at Sin Within, P&R Publishing, 2006

Joel Beeke, Overcoming the World: Grace To Win the Daily Battle, P&R Publishing, 2005.

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LESSON ONE

INSTRUMENTS IN THE REDEEMER’S HANDS

1: SYNOPSIS“Many of us would be relieved if God had placed our sanctification in the hands of trained and paid professionals, but that is simply not the biblical model. God’s plan is that through the faithful ministry of every part, the whole body will grow to full maturity in Christ…The paradigm is simple: when God calls you to himself, he also calls you to be a servant, an instrument in his redeeming hands. All of his children are called into ministry, and each of them needs the daily intervention this ministry provides.” (Paul Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands, 9)

2: WHAT IS WRONG?“If you are going to help someone, you need to know what is wrong and how it can be fixed…This is where our culture gets it completely wrong. In rejecting a biblical view of people, the world eliminates any hope of answering the “what is wrong?” question accurately. And if it wrongly answers this question, how can it possibly provide a proper solution? Why do people do the things they do? Is my problem fundamentally an informational one? Will a well-researched, logical set of insights provide the solution? Or is my problem fundamentally experiential? Will dealing with my past solve my problem? Is my problem fundamentally biological? Will helping me achieve chemical balance solve my problem? Or is there something beneath all these things that is more deeply wrong with me? Scriptures answer to the last question is a clear, resounding, “Yes!”” (Tripp, Instruments, 9)

Romans 3:10 as it is written: "None is righteous, no, not one; 11 no one understands; no one seeks for God. 12 All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one

According to this verse what is the problem with people? How pervasive is the problem? In what sense have we all become “worthless?” What is the evidence of our fallen condition? (Rom 3:13ff)

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“The Bible says that our core problem, the fundamental reason we do what we do, is sin. Scripture is defining sin as a condition that results in behaviour. WE are all sinners, and because of this, we all do sinful things.” (Tripp, Instruments, 10)

What does Psychology say the root or cause of our problem is?

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“Because sin is my nature as a human being, it is inescapable. It marks everything I think, say, and do. It will guide my cravings, my response to authority, and my decision making. It will alter my values, direct my hopes and dreams, and shape every interpretation I make. If you are going to deal with your own difficulties or assist others who want to deal with theirs, you must correct wrong thinking. Yes, you must deal with the suffering of the past and ways the body isn’t functioning properly, but you must do more. You must help them conquer the sin that distorts all these experiences.” (Tripp, Instruments, 10)

3: HOW CAN IT BE FIXED?What is God’s solution for the weakness of the flesh according to Rom 8:1-11?

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What must a Christian do when we fall into sin?

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What must a Christian do to enable us to overcome sin?

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How does a Christian exercise and strengthen the muscle of faith?

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4: CAN WE CHANGE ON OUR OWN?“The problem is that most of us think that God is carrying around a very small toolbox! A successful carpenter uses many tools, each on designed for a particular job. God has a huge toolbox, and his principle tools are his children. Sadly, many people in the church do not see themselves this way. They think of ministry as something for the paid professional. When they think of their own involvement, they don’t think very far beyond saying a prayer or making a meal. Yet their adoption into the family of God was also a call to ministry, a call to be a part of the good work of the kingdom….The overall biblical model is this: God transforms people’s lives as people bring his Word to others.” (Tripp, Instruments, 18)

According to Eph 4:11-16 how does the body grow to maturity in Christ?

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“The combination of powerful truth wrapped in sacrificial love is what God uses to transform people…The bottom line is that you cannot have a relationship without being a person of influence. You give and receive counsel every day. It is not a task of paid professionals; it’s woven into the fabric of human relationships. The problem is that we don’t often recognize the powerful impact of those everyday encounters.” (Tripp, Instruments, 21, 46)

What are some of the things that hinder us from being used to minister to others in the way described above?

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“The sad fact is that many of us are simply not biblical in the way we use the Bible! Being biblical does not mean merely quoting words from within its pages. Being truly biblical means that my counsel reflects what the entire Bible is about. The Bible is a narrative, a story of redemption, and its chief character is Jesus Christ….The overarching story reflects the fact that our problem as human beings is deeper than the individual sins we commit each day, creating the specific problems that complicate our lives. Our deepest problem is that we seek to find our identity outside the story of redemption….It is because our sin problem is so pervasive and so deeply ingrained that we need more from Scripture than insight, principles, understanding, or direction…We need something that will change us from the inside out – we need Jesus Christ.” (Tripp, Instruments, 27)

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LESSON TWO

THE HEART IS THE TARGET

1: SYNOPSIS“Why can your toddler be so contrary? Why did your friend get up in the middle of the conversation? Why is your teenager so angry? Why is Amy swallowed up by depression and despair? Why do you get angry in traffic? Why is that once-romantic couple now engaged in guerrilla warfare? Why is Bill driven in his career? Why is Sue so critical and controlling? Why does George speak so bluntly and unkindly? Why is your daughter so afraid of what her friends think? Why does Pete refuse to talk? Why do people do the things they do? The simplest, most biblical answer is the heart…. You cannot understand a human being without understanding the heart. So what does the term describe? The Bible uses “heart” to describe the inner person.” (Tripp, Instruments, 59)

2: WHAT IS THE HEART OF MAN?“Scripture divides the human being into two parts, the inner and outer being. The outer being is your physical self; the inner person is your spiritual self (Eph 3:16). The synonym the Bible most often uses for the inner being is the heart. It encompasses all the other terms and functions used to describe the inner person (spirit, soul, mind, emotions, will, etc.). These other terms do not describe something different from the heart. Rather, they are aspects of it, parts or functions of the inner person. The heart is the “real” you. It is the essential core of who you are… Because the Bible says your heart is the essential you, any ministry of change must target the heart.” (Tripp, Instruments, 59)

LUKE 6:43-45In this passage Christ compares people to fruit trees.

What does the fruit represent? What does the tree represent? What is the point he is making?

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“Jesus’ point is that a tree has the kind of fruit it has because of the kind of roots it has: we speak and act the way we do because of what is in our hearts… In many ways we deny this connection and blame people and circumstances for our actions and words. Here Christ calls us to humbly accept

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responsibility for our behaviour. He calls us to humbly admit that relationships and circumstances are only the occasions in which our hearts reveal themselves… If my heart is the source of my sin problem, then lasting change must always travel through the pathway of my heart.” (Tripp, Instruments, 62)

3: WHERE SHOULD WE FOCUS OUR EFFORTS TO CHANGE?

MATT 23:23-28 In this passage, Jesus is condemning the Scribes and Pharisees.

What is he criticising them for in 23:23-24? What is he criticising them for in 23:25-28? What does he command them to do in 23:223,26?

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Give some examples, from daily life, of how we try to deal with externals rather than the heart

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4: WHAT IS OUR ESSENTIAL HEART PROBLEM?

EZEK 14:1-6In this passage, the elders of Israel had come to enquire of the Lord from the prophet Ezekiel. They had questions for which they wanted answers, decisions which needed to be made, insights which they required, in order that their plans might succeed. God however instructs Ezekiel not to help them until they deal with the idolatry that is in their hearts. According to this passage:

Where are idols established? What is the result of having set up idols in their hearts? How many idols do the people have? Why will God not answer them in the way they desire? What does God instruct them to do?

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Give some examples of idols we set up in our hearts and the ways we worship them?

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“An idol of the heart is anything that rules me other than God…Sin is fundamentally idolatrous. I do wrong things because my heart desires something more than the Lord… Our hearts are “idol factories” and our words and actions are shaped by our pursuit of the things our hearts crave….To make matters worse, this idolatry is hidden. It is deceptive; it exists underground. We can make this great exchange without forsaking our confessional theology or even our observance of the external duties of the faith. So we hold onto our beliefs, tithe, remain faithful in church attendance, and occasionally participate in ministry activity. Yet at the level of what we are really living for, we have forsaken God for something else. This is the silent cancer that weakens the church, robs individuals of their spiritual vitality, and leads to all kinds of difficulty in relationships and situations.” (Trip, Instruments, 66)

Note: Heart idolatry can be well hidden behind external obedience/religion (Is 29:13)

MATT 6:19-24 Everyone seeks some kind of treasure Your treasure will control your heart What controls your heart will control your behaviour There are 2 kinds of treasures, earthly and heavenly – whatever treasure we choose will

become our rulers.

5: WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF HEART IDOLATRY?

JAMES 4:1-10Our lives are full of conflict of various kinds. According to this passage:

What lies behind all human conflict?

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What makes these desires wrong? Why will God not allow these desires to be fulfilled? What is God doing to help us? What does God command us to do with our idolatrous desires?

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“You and I are always desiring. Desires precede, determine, and characterize everything you do. Desires get you up in the morning and put you to bed at night. Desires make you work with discipline to get one thing done, and run as hard as you can to avoid another. Desires sculpt every relationship in your life. They are the lenses through which you examine every situation. At the foundation of all worship whether true or false, is a heart full of desire.” (Tripp, 78)

Give some examples of how and when good desires become idolatrous desires in our lives:

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“Our spiritual battle is a war for the heart. When that war is won, people behave in ways that please their Creator. God will never be satisfied with the crumbs of externalism.

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LESSON THREE

HOW TO BE MORE HELPFUL

1: SYNOPSIS“Being an instrument of heart change means following Christ’s example and focussing on the heart – starting with your own….starting with your heart means understanding and submitting to God’s calling, which will shape your life and relationships. God has called us to nothing less than incarnating Christ to others.” (Tripp, 96)

How do we sometimes become an obstacle to effectively helping other people?

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2: CALLED TO SHOW GOD’S GLORY (JN 1:14,18)

In 1 Jn 1:14,18 what has Christ come to do in the incarnation?

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“The incarnation gets right to the heart of the struggle because it confronts people with the one thing that can make a lasting difference, the glory of God. The revelation of God in his awesome glory is the only thing that exposes the utter emptiness of all the other glories we crave….Personal ministry is not just about confronting people with principles, theology, or solutions. It confronts people with the God who is active and glorious in his grace and truth, and who has a rightful claim to our lives. Only as our hearts are transformed by this glory will the principles of Scripture make any sense to us.” (Tripp, 99)

The text says that Christ came full of “grace and truth.” What implications does this have for the way we minister to other people?

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“Since the central character of the great story of Scripture is Christ, a central theme of the story is grace. It must be a central theme of our personal ministry, biblical counselling, and discipleship as well. We point people to a God who not only sets the goal for their lives, but who enables them to do what they have never done before…Personal ministry must not be reduced to a set of principles to live by. Its central focus is the Redeemer who rescues people from the power of sin and progressively eradicates its presence from their lives.” (Tripp, 99)

“People are changed by seeing Christ in new ways, ways that reveal the bankruptcy of their own agendas and the emptiness of the glories they seek. Their most important encounter is not with the counsellor, but with Christ. We are there to set up that encounter.” (Tripp, 103)

Practically, how do we make sure that people encounter Christ and not merely Christian principles?

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2: CALLED TO BE AMBASSADORS (2 COR 5:14-6:2)“Our lives do not belong to us for our own fulfilment. The primary issues is, “How can I best present the King in this place, with this particular person?”… We represent God’s purposes to the people he placers in our lives. This is much broader than a commitment to formal ministry occupying a portion of our schedule. It acknowledges that our lives belong to the King. But this is where we get ourselves into trouble. We don’t really want to live as ambassadors. We would rather live as mini-kings…If we were honest, we would have to confess that the central prayer of our hearts is ‘my kingdom come.’ ” (Tripp, 105)

What motives do we have for getting involved in other people’s lives other than the “love of Christ?”

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How does lack of love for Christ hinder us from being an effective ambassador?

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How should the fact that we are representing Christ change the way we try to help others?

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“As an ambassador, I will represent:” (Tripp, 107)

The message of the King. The methods of the King. The character of the King.

3: LOVE, KNOW, SPEAK AND DO“These words do not represent a four-step process. They are not phases of a personal ministry relationship, as if you start at the first (Love) and push people through until the last (Do). They aer simply four elements of biblical ministry. Although there is some logic to the order, you will be doing all of these things simultaneously as you seek to be the Lord’s ambassador.” (Tripp, 109)

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LOVE“Love highlights the importance of relationships in the process of change. Theologians call this a covenantal model of change. God comes and makes a covenant with us. He commits himself to be our God and he takes us as his people. In the context of this relationship he accomplishes his work of making us like him. As we understand the way God works in our lives, we realize that relationship to him is not a luxury, but a necessity. It is the only context in which the lifelong process of change can take place. In the same way we are called to build strong relationships with others. God’s purpose is that these relationships would be workrooms in which his work of change can thrive.” (Tripp, 110)

KNOW“Know has to do with really getting acquainted with the people God sends our way. When you assume that you know someone, you won’t ask the critical questions you need to ask to get below the surface. We tend to think we know people because we know facts about them, but we really don’t know them. Knowing a person means knowing the heart…It means you know more about their beliefs, goals, hopes, dreams, values and desires.” (Tripp, 111)

SPEAK“Speak involves bringing God’s truth to bear on this person in this situation. To do this you need to ask, “What does God want this person to see that she doesn’t see? How can I help her see it?” Speaking the truth in love doesn’t mean making grand pronouncements. It means helping your friend see her life clearly. For lasting change to take place, your friend must see herself in the mirror of God’s Word.” (Tripp, 111)

DO“Finally, you must help your friend “Do” something with what she learns – apply the insights God has given to her daily life and relationships. Insight alone is not change, it’s only the beginning. God call your friend not just to be a hearer of his Word, but to be an active doer of it as well.” (Tripp, 112)

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LESSON FOUR

LOVE

1: SYNOPSIS “Imagine a doctor coming out of an examining room to say to his receptionist, “Sick people, sick people, sick people! All I ever see is sick people! Why don’t healthy people ever come and visit me?” The church is full of people dealing with the effects of sin, people who are not fully formed into the image of Christ. The church is full of people who have lost their way and don’t even know it, who haven’t made a connection between their daily problems and the transforming grace of Christ. Everywhere you look, you will find couples who are struggling to love, parents who are struggling to be patient, children who are attracted to temptation, and friends who battle the disappointments of imperfect relationships. This is 100 percept of the church’s membership!” (Tripp, 116)

If we are honest, don’t we simply want other people to get it together, our children to grow up, and all of us to just get along? Why?

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2: THE LOVE OF GOD (ROM 8:28-39)“I am deeply persuaded that the foundation for people-transforming ministry is not sound theology; it is love. Without love, our theology is a boat without oars. Love is what drove God to send and sacrifice his Son. Love led Christ to subject himself to a sinful world and the horrors of the cross. Love is what causes him to seek and save the lost, and to persevere until each of his children is transformed into his image. His love will not rest until all of his children are at his side in glory. The hope of every sinner does not rest in theological answers but in the love of Christ for his own. Without it, we have no hope personally, relationally, or eternally.” (Tripp, 117)

Without hope, people give up in the battle. How does Rom 8:28-39 offer concrete hope for those struggling with sin and life in a fallen world?

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3: THE IMPORTANCE OF LOVE (1 COR 13:1-3)“The love of Christ is not only the only foundation for our personal hope, but our incarnation of that love is our only hope of being effective for Christ with others. Sadly, many of us have forgotten this, and we are resounding-gong people in cymbal clanging relationships. There is a whole lot of noise, but no real change!” (Tripp, 119)

How important it is, that this love begin with those God brings us into daily contact with at home, at school, at work and at play.

4: THE ROLE OF RELATIONSHIPS“When we forget the call to incarnate the love of Christ, we take our relationships as our own. Soon they are governed by our pleasure, comfort and ease. We get irritated at people who interfere with these things, and much of our anger is due to the fact that we are relationship thieves. People do not belong to us; they belong to God! Relationships are not primarily for our fulfilment. On the contrary, relationships between sinners are messy, difficult, labour-intensive, and demanding, but in that, they are designed to result in God’s glory and our good as he is worshiped and our hearts are changed.” (Tripp, 120)

God’s relationship to us is loving and redemptive, and he wants our relationships to mirror those qualities. This means at least three things:

He has a higher goal for our relationships than our personal happiness He wants our relationships to be the context for the change he works in and through us. We need to build relationships that encourage this work of change.

“God doesn’t justify me because I am okay, but precisely because I am not okay. He knows that lasting change will take place in me only when I am living in personal relationship with Him. In his magnificent love he makes that relationship a reality. Only those who have a relationship with God through justification and adoption will undergo the radical change process of progressive sanctification.” (Tripp, 123)

God’s redemptive activity always takes place in the context of relationships God’s first step in changing us is to draw us into relationship with Him. Our relationships are essential to the work God is completing in us and in others.

Trip states that the above “view of relationships must transform the way we respond to one another.” How would it?

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5: THE NATURE OF REDEMPTIVE RELATIONSHIPSPaul Tripp suggests a number of key elements of redemptive relationships:

1: ENTER THE PERSON’S WORLD (HEB 4:14-16) We must try to understand the person’s struggle through their own eyes. “An entry gate is not the objective problem a person has encountered, but his particular

experience of that problem (fear, anger, guilt, anxiety, hopelessness, aloneness, envy, discouragement, desires for vengeance etc.) (example pg 127)

o Listen for emotional words (I’m angry, I’m afraid, I can’t stop crying)o Listen for interpretive words (This shouldn’t happen, I guess I am getting what I

deserve)o Listen for self talk (I am such a failure, This always happens to me, I don’t have

what it takes to face this)o Listen for God talk (I thought I was doing what God wanted, He simply doesn’t

hear my prayers, How could God let this happen to me?)o “As you listen for the four things listed above, look for a theme (anger, fear, guilt,

hopelessness) to emerge. Then grab that theme, meet the person in the midst of that struggle, and incarnate the loving Lord she may be unable to see.” (Tripp, 128)

o Let the person know that God is there and that he understands the struggle. Turn to passages of Scripture that speak to the exact thing that has her in its grip. In so doing, you accomplish two things. You help her 1) recognize that Scripture speaks to the deepest issues of human experience 2) to see that God meets his people most powerfully in experiences where they fear He is absent. The psalms are particularly helpful here.

2: INCARNATE THE LOVE OF CHRIST (COL 3:12-17)Think of an example of someone God really used at a difficult time in your life. How/ why did God use them? Was it something they said? Something they did?

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“God changes people not simply because you have spoken the truth to them, but because those words were said with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and love. When we do this, we become the physical evidence of the truths we present. We are not only incarnating truth, but Christ himself.” (Tripp 136)

3: IDENTIFY WITH SUFFERING (HEB 2:10-12)If we are going to help people, we need to have a biblical view of suffering (Tripp, 144):

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God is sovereign over suffering God is good God has a redemptive purpose in our suffering There are many different reasons for suffering

o Living in a fallen worldo Our own sino Other people’s sino The Devilo God’s good purpose

Suffering is real and does not excuse the evildoer.

The reasons for, and degree of our suffering, may differ, but the experience is common to man. How does our own suffering become a platform for helping others who suffer? (2 Cor 1:3-11)

“Even our suffering does not belong to us, but to the Lord. Perhaps it is easier to recognize that our blessings belong to the Lord than it is to recognize that he owns our suffering. If you watch someone suffer, you will see that we tend to treat suffering as something that belongs to us, something we can respond to as we please. We tend to turn in on ourselves. Our world shrinks to the size of our pain. We want little more than release, and we tend to be irritable and demanding.” (Tripp, 153)

4: ACCEPT WITH AGENDA (TIT 2:11-12)“So we sturdily refuse to condemn, but we also refuse to condone. We accept people with a grace that empowers us for God’s work of heart change. Anything less cheapens his grace and denies the gravity of our need.” (Tripp, 159)

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LESSON FIVE

KNOW

1: SYNOPSIS“Personal ministry is not about always knowing what to say. It is not about fixing everything in sight that is broken. Personal ministry is about connecting people with Christ so that they are able to think as he would have them think, desire what he says is best, and do what he calls them to do even if their circumstances never get “fixed.” It involves exposing hurt, lost, and confused people to God’s glory, so that they give up pursuit of their own glory and live for his.” (184)

2: MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS (JN 14:1-11)According to this passage, what is the way to heaven? How did Jesus show them the way?

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“There are many reasons why our relationships are trapped in the casual. One is that, in our busyness, we despair of squeezing ten dollar conversations into ten cent moments….Another reason is that we buy the lie that we are unique and struggle in ways that no one else does…We don’t want to face what our struggles reveal about the true condition of our hearts.” (164)

How can we ensure that we are building meaningful relationships with people rather than superficial ones?

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3: GENUINE SYMPATHY (HEB 4:14-16)This passage reveals that Jesus sympathizes with our weaknesses. “The Greek word translated “sympathize” here means much more than a flash of compassion or a surge of pity. Our experience of sympathy is usually limited to feeling sorry for someone and being thankful that we’re not in the same boat. But sympathy here means to be moved by what has moved someone else. Chris’s sympathy is so strong that our problems become his….It is understanding what it is like to live in the middle of someone else’s circumstances, coupled with a desire to do whatever is within your power to help him out.” (166)

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What prevents us from having genuine sympathy with others? How can it be cultivated?

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Beware of making assumptions Make sure your conclusions are correct

o Ask people to define their termso Ask people to clarify by giving you concrete, real life exampleso Ask people to explain why they responded as they did in the examples they have

given you.

4: CAREFUL ENQUIRY (PROV 18:13)This verse should be the key verse for everyone who desires to help others with God’s truth.

“We tend to have permanently casual relationships that never grow into real intimacy. There are things we know about each other, but they fool us into thinking that we know the human beings who live within the borders of those details. So we fail to pursue them with good questions.” (163)

Ask open-ended questions that cannot be answered with a “yes” or “no” Ask a combination of survey and focussed questions.

o Survey questions scan the various areas of a person’s life and look at the person as a whole. Things that seem superficially different may actually be a part of a larger them of thought, motive, or behaviour that you want to uncover. Survey questions help uncover themes and patterns in a person’s life

o Focussed questions look intensively into one area of a person’s life. The purpose of focussed questions is to uncover roots and causes.

Remember that certain kinds of questions reveal certain kinds of information. You must continually ask yourself what you do not know. (what, how, why, how often, where, when)

Ask a progressive line of questions in which each question is based on information uncovered in the previous questions.

“Because of this (sin) we all need people who love us enough to ask, listen, and, having listened, to ask more. This is not being intrusive. This is helping blind people to embrace their need for Christ. It is helping people to see the foolish ways they have lived for their own glory, and the subtle ways they have exchanged worship and service of the Creator for worship and service of his creation.” (181)

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5: ORGANIZING THE INFORMATION “Biblical ministry thrives when good exegesis of Scripture leads to an accurate exegesis of the person’s life. This two-sided interpretive process is what makes biblical personal ministry unique. We cannot properly understand people without accurately exegeting the Scripture, and we cannot properly apply Scripture without accurately exegeting people….What themes, perspectives, promises, and commands of Scripture make sense of this person and speak to this situation?” Our counsel will only be biblical if we filter what we have heard through a sound biblical grid. (186-7)

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LESSON SIX

SPEAK

1: SYNOPSISAll Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. (2 Tim 3:16-17)

Answer the following questions about the above text and explain their significance to biblical counseling:

Who is Scripture given by? What is Scripture given for? What is the result?

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When you hear the word “rebuke” what images/ thoughts come to your mind?

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2: WHY SHOULD WE REBUKE? (LEV 19:2, 15-18)The right motives for rebuking another person are to be the same as the motive for obeying any of God’s commands. What are they?

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“We confront unbiblically (or not at all) because we love something else more than God. Perhaps we love our relationship with this person so much that we don’t want to risk it. Perhaps we prefer to avoid the personal sacrifice and complications that confrontation involve. Perhaps we love peace, respect, and appreciation more than we should. Here is the principle, to the degree that we give the love of our hearts to someone or something else, to that degree we lose our primary motive to

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confront. But if we love God above all else, confrontation is an extension and expression of that love.” (201)

Who is responsible for rebuking in this text?

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“This call extends beyond the borders of formal counselling, discipleship, and ministry relationships. It is a call to respond to all who live near us. Rebuke is not something that exists outside a good relationship, brought in only at crisis moments. The Bible presents confrontation as one of the cords of a strong relationship, a normal part of the interaction that makes a relationship what it is…The model here is ongoing honesty in an ongoing relationship.” (Tripp, 202)

Why is rebuke/ correction often not a part of normal Christian relationships?

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“Have you ever considered how often you have chosen to be silent, when God was calling you to be part of his rescue effort? We are called to accept moral responsibility for the things God reveals to us about others. To refuse to speak is to rebel against the Lord we say we love and serve. Having said this, the passage does not give you permission to live as if you were someone else’s conscience.” (204)

What are some reasons in this text, why we don’t rebuke at all, or rebuke incorrectly?

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What are some alternatives to biblical rebuke in this text?

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“A humble, honest lifestyle of rebuke protects us from ourselves. As sinners living with sinners, we need something to retard the progress of sin in our relationships.” (Tripp, 208)

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3: HOW TO PREPARE FOR REBUKE (2 TIM 3:15)Confrontation begins at home. God has provided the Christian family as the primary place where we learn to give and receive rebuke. Give some examples of this from normal family life.

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Biblical confrontation begins with your own heart. Paul Tripp offers the following guidelines (210)

Do not turn moments of ministry into moments of anger Do not personalize what is not personal Do not be adversarial in your approach Do not confuse your opinion with God’s will Do not settle for quick solutions that do not address the heart

“The ultimate apologetic for the reality of the gospel is the loving unity of the body of Christ, a unity so deep, resilient, and pervasive that it can only be compared to the unity of the Trinity. (See John 13-17.) Our call is to find satisfaction in our relationships, not because people please us, but because we delight in displaying God’s love to a hopeless world. What a difference it makes to see that being sinned against is not an occasion for vengeance but for God to be revealed!” (Tripp, 207)

Why is rebuke a necessary part of normal Christian relationships? Tripp offers the following reasons (212):

The deceitfulness of sin Wrong and unbiblical thinking Emotional thinking My view of life tends to be shaped by my own experiences. Because I am the one who

interprets my experiences, my conclusions will be reinforced by each new situation.

The above list tells us some of the obstacles we will face as we seek to rebuke one another. What are these and how can these obstacles be overcome?

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4: HOW TO REBUKE (ROM 8:1-17)“A mistake we often make when we seek to lead someone to repentance is to emphasize the law over the gospel… the grace of the gospel is what turns our hearts, because the gospel is God’s magnificent promise of forgiveness in Christ…Confronting people should not only confront them with failure and sin, it should also confront them with the gospel.” (Tripp, 213)

In the above passage the gospel is presented as both a comfort (1-11) and a call us to live changed lives (12-17). As we seek to rebuke people we need to balance both the comfort and the call of the gospel.

Imagine you were talking to a husband who had verbally abused his wife for years. How would you apply the comfort and call of the gospel to the huband and wife in this relationship?

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Instruments in the Redeemers Hands suggestions some steps to follow in the confrontation process

1: Consideration: What does this person need to see (about himself, God, others, life, truth, change) that he does not see, and how can I help him see it?

What is going on? What were you thinking and feeling as it was going on? What did you do in response?

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Why did you do it? What were you seeking to accomplish? What was the result?

2: Confession: confession is essential to the change process. It is the time when people finally admit what is in their hearts and take responsibility for what they have done.

3: Commitment: Commitment is the first step of the “put on” phase of repentance. Where is God calling this person to radically new ways of living and thinking?

4: Change: “It is easy to assume that change has taken place because the person has gained insight and made new commitments. This may tempt us to stop the confrontation process prematurely. But change has not taken place until change has taken place!” We must help people apply insights and commitments to their lives. If commitment focusses on the “what,” change focusses on the “how.”

Consider the process Nathan followed in 2 Sam 12:1-7 What lessons do we learn from his example?

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“In scripture the more common form of confrontation is interaction. The confronter stands alongside the person, helping him to see, telling stories, asking questions, drawing out answers, and then calling for a response.” (Tripp, 232)

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LESSON SEVEN

DO

1: SYNOPSIS“Most of us are tempted to think that change has taken place before it actually has. We confuse growth in knowledge and insight with genuine life change. But insight is not change and knowledge should not be confused with practical, active, biblical wisdom… For many people, it is much easier to know what is wrong than how to change it. The final aspect of our model, DO, teaches us how to apply the truths we have learned, personal insights we have gained, and commitments we have made, to our daily lives. Here we teach people to be dissatisfied with the gap between their confessional and functional theology. DO, trains people in the decisions, actions, relationships, and skills of Christ-centred, biblically informed living.” (Tripp, 243)

2: ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE (2 COR 11:1-3)“Sin produces in all of us a tendency to “now-ism” which means we forget three things: who we are (betrothed to Christ); what he is doing now (preparing us for the final wedding); and what we are to be doing (remaining faithful to him).” (Tripp, 241)

Think about the different struggles with sin we might have. How does an eternal perspective help us to deal with them biblically?

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3: INGREDIENTS FOR ENCOURAGING CHANGE

3.1 ESTABLISH YOUR PERSONAL MINISTRY AGENDA (GAL 6:1-5)“This is as important in informal personal ministry as it is in more formal counselling situations. An Agenda is simply a plan for accomplishing a goal, a map that shows us our destination (the changes that need to take place) and how to get there (How? Where? When? With whom?) Our goal is more than denouncing sin or solving the problem of the moment. We need to know what specific changes God is calling this person to make in this situation.” (Tripp, 245)

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Much of what we have learned about how to help people change can be applied to all our Christian relationships, but when it comes to helping people “do,” then both parties are accepting responsibility to work together toward specific changes. Describe some scenario’s in which this might happen.

Consider Galatians 6:1-5:

What is the problem requiring “intervention?”

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What “qualifies” a person to intervene? What warnings are offered?

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What is the goal of such “intervention?”

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We should ask questions that help us think clearly about how to accomplish God’s goals for change in this person.

What does the Bible say about the information that has been gathered? What are God’s goals for change in this person in this situation? What are some biblical methods for accomplishing God’s goals of change?

3.2 CLARIFYING RESPONSIBILITIES (2 PET 1:3-11)Does every believe have all the resources needed for life and godliness? Where are these resources found?

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Are all believers equally fruitful in the Christians lives? What is the problem?

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One of the keys to helping people change is helping them understand who is responsible for what – what they need to trust God to do, what they can expect you to do and what they themselves must do.

Give some practical examples of how we mix up responsibilities and thus make change more difficult.

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3.3 INSTILL IDENTITY IN CHRIST (ROM 6:1-11)What does change have to do with our identity in Christ?

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Change is a long and difficult process. We need to keep bringing people back to the basis for all change = our new identity in Christ.

3.3 PROVIDE ACCOUNTABILITY (JAMES 5:13-16)“We must love people enough to do more than expose wrong, pronounce right, and walk away. Accountability requires a willingness to roll up our sleeves and get alongside people as they fight the war between sin and righteousness.” (Tripp, 268)

Why do we sometimes avoid accountability? What makes accountability fruitful? What makes it unfruitful?

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“Accountability is not about being a private detective, trying to do the work of the Holy Spirit, being someone else’s conscience, forcing someone to obey, chasing someone who is running, or looking for someone who is hiding. Accountability provides loving structure, guidance, encouragement, and warning to someone who is fully committed to the change God is working in his life. The person who makes the accountability work is always the person being held accountable.” (Tripp, 269)

Accountability provides structure: It provides practical, ongoing wisdom as to the where, when, and how of change

Accountability provides assistance: There are times when a person is afraid to make the changes required and needs someone to help them do it.

Accountability provides warning: When people are tempted to give up in the midst of the hard struggle to change, accountability reminds them of the consequences.

Some questions you might ask:

What kinds of ongoing help will this person need? How often will I need to be in contact with him or her for change to continue? Are there other resources in the body of Christ that would be helpful during this period?

How can I connect this person to these resources?

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LESSON EIGHT

OVERVIEW: HOW PEOPLE CHANGE

1: SYNOPSISThis lesson aims to provide an overview of the process and means of sanctification as it is easy to lose sight of the path in the messiness of the process. God is continually seeking to make us more like Christ in every circumstance by causing us to continually depend on Christ’s finished work and the Spirit’s on going work in our lives. We must continually exercise our faith in God and His Word in order to grow.

2: GOD LEADS THE WAY (PHIL 1:6; 2 PET 1:3-11)God initiated a transforming work in our lives and is the one who will continue it until the day when Christ returns. God is our primary sanctifier!

What means does God use to continue growing us in Christ?

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GROWING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST

DAILY TEMPTATION TO SIN

DECISIONS OPPORTUNITY TO

WORSHIP/ SERVE

NEW NATURE=CHRIST

OLD NATURE=SELFWhat are the implications of the reality that sanctification is a lifelong process?

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Why is it important to remember that God is in control of our sanctification? (James 1)

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3: GOD HAS PROVIDED THE MEANS (2 PET 1:3-11)

God has provided us with everything we need It comes through our true/ intimate relationship with Christ We must make effort to exercise our faith in order to produce fruit This fruit must be constantly increasing Growth/ productivity is a continual, lifelong process Failure = false faith or forgetful faith. Means of sanctification/growth/ fruitful faith=God's provision in Christ + our effort =

effort dependant upon God's supply = Faith-filled effort.

The opposite of faith = relying on self (faith =renouncing self and relying on Christ and the cross)

What are the foundational truths the form the basis of our relationship with Christ? What are the effects when we forget these truths?_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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What kinds of “efforts” are needed to supply, virtue, kindness, love, etc.?

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3: FAITH IS THE FOUNDATION

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3.1: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE BEFORE GOD (ROM 5:1-11)We need to continue to believe that in Christ we have complete forgiveness of our sins so that our relationship to God is secure in His unconditional love (Rom 5:1-11)

What does the above passage teach with regard to our relationship to God?

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“When we have our quiet time for the day, or when we have given a tithe, we are confident of God's

love toward us. But when our days become crowded and personal devotions end up neglected, we

start to avoid God, sensing that we are under His wrath and anger. We imagine that God is waiting

for us to get ourselves together before we again enter his presence. Such thinking betrays our

failure to grasp the security of our union with Christ and the depth of God's love and consequently

disrupts our communion with him. Making God's love contingent on our action is a sad but common

misunderstanding in the church. Remember, a believer's union is never in jeopardy. For God's love is

an eternal love that had no beginning, that shall have no ending, that cannot be heightened by any

act of ours; that cannot be lessened by anything in us. While our sense of communion with God may

fluctuate, his love does not grow and diminish, The wrath of God against the sin of saints was

completely exhausted on the cross.” (John Owen, Communion with the Triune God, 30)

3.2 A NEW IDENTITY AND RELATIONSHIP TO SIN (ROM 6:1-5; EPH 5)We need to continue to believe that the power of sin in our lives has been broken and that we have a new nature that desires righteousness.

What does this passage reveal about our new identity in Christ?

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Why is this important in relation to our struggle with sin?

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Note:

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The forgiveness gained by Christ helps us when we have failed. The new potential gained by Christ gives us the hope of succeeding and is an anti-dote to

pride when we do. Righteousness is not only possible it’s inevitable because it is the result of the completed

work of Christ.

What commands are contained in this passage? (What must we do)

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3.3 A NEW SPIRITUAL POWER (ROM 8:1-17; GAL 5:16-20)We must continue to believe that by means of God’s Spirit we can experience growing victory over sin and increasingly produce righteous fruit. The Spirit doesn’t make our efforts unnecessary it simply makes them effective.

Saturate our lives with His Word Be quick to obey His application of Scripture to our lives Seek God’s help continually and diligently Commune with Christ and His Saints

The above deals with guilt, idolatry, hopelessness. If sanctification has stalled it is probably because faith has forgotten one of the above central truths.

4: SUMMARY OF ESSENTIAL ATTITUDES AND PLANNING

GENERAL ATTITUDES

1. This trial, temptation, struggle, situation is intended to strengthen my faith and thus grow my intimacy with God (deepen my dependance upon and desire for Him)

2. Change is a process rather than a once off decision

3. My relationship with God is not contingent on this change (run away if I fail or think I deserve God's favour if I succeed)

4. I can change and cannot be happy without continual change

SPECIFIC PLANNING

1: History: What is the problem, what circumstances relate to the problem, why is it a problem, how long has it been a problem, what have I already done to solve the problem?

2: Motives: What is my motive for wanting to change in this area? (watch out for self-righteousness and/ or guilt)

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3: Heart Desires: What are my functional saviours in relation to this issue? What is my heart desiring? (watch out for seeking security or satisfaction in something other than Christ)

4: Defining Change: What specific thoughts and actions do I need to “put off” and “put on” in relation to this issue? What will true change look like? How will my intimacy with God be deepened?

5: Planning: What Scriptures do I need to memorize and meditate on in relation to this issue? What specific prayers must I be praying, when and where? What other means of grace must I make better use of? (fellowship/ accountability, gospel, Christian books, …)

6: Progress: What must I do if and when I fail? What must I do if and when I am making progress?

“Shift your focus away from your sin and onto Christ: don't persist in looking upon sin; look

upon Christ instead, and don't look away from him for a moment. When we see our guilt, if

we don't see Christ in the scene, away with it! In all our storms of conscience , we must look

at Christ exclusively and continually.

Shift your focus to Christ, our mediator. If we're so discouraged we cannot pray, then we

must see Christ praying for us (Rom 8:34), using his influence with the Father on our behalf.

What better news could we ever want than to know Jesus Christ – the Son of God, co-creator

of the Universe – is addressing the Father on our behalf?

Shift your focus to Christ crucified, risen and ascended. When guilt persists, remember

where Jesus is and where he's been. He has been upon the cross, where he spoiled all that

can ruin us. He's now upon the throne of heaven, as our advocate and mediator. His state in

glory doesn't make him neglectful or scornful of the guilty sinner he died to redeem. He has

the same heart now in heaven as he had upon the cross.

Shift your focus to the glory of Christ. If guilt still persists, remember that he pardons for his

own name's sake (Is 43:25l Ezek 36:22; 1 Jn 2:12), because in pardoning us he'll make us

living monuments of the glory of the grace he purchased. It's Christ's own happiness to

pardon, so he does. By embracing this truth, even the most desperate sinner's conscience

can rest absolutely assured.

Shift your focus off of self-condemnation. When our conscience relentlessly condemns us,

remember that Christ will have the last word. He is judge of the living and dead (1 Pet 4:5)

and only he can pronounce the final sentence. Christ is the judge – not us or our conscience.

So never for a moment dare to take the judge's place by proclaiming irreparable guilt when

he proclaims hope, grace, and pardon. If we think our sin is too great to be pardoned,

remember that Christ doesn't agree.

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Shift your focus off self-contempt. If we focused on hating ourselves, realize that we're

focussed on ourselves and not on him. Self-contempt is a subtle form of self-centeredness,

which is the opposite of Christ-centeredness. Unless our self-contempt makes us look more

at the righteousness of Christ and the cross of Christ and less at ourselves, the whole

endeavour lead to death. Let our sin break our hearts but not our hope in the gospel.

(Thomas Wilcox, Honey Out of the Rock)

LESSON NINE

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MENTAL DISEASES?

1: SYNOPSISThe notion of mental diseases or disorders has become very popular in our modern age. Since the mind is not a physical entity, it is beyond the reaches of normal scientific enquiry. Mental diseases cannot therefore be placed in the same category as physiological diseases. It is not a biblical counsellor’s place to either recommend or prohibit the use of psychometric medications, but neither should we be unaware of their popular use and effects.

2: SYMPTOMS, CAUSES, SOLUTIONSSymptoms Possible Causes Biblical Solutions PsychiatryAnxiety Fear, love of money,

wordlinessPrayer (Phil 4:6-7); Faith (Lk 12:22-34); give away your possessions (Lk 12:33)

Medication

Fear Persecution (1 Pet 3:14), lack of love (1 Jn 4:18)

Fear God (Lk 12:4); Love; set apart Christ as Lord (1 Pet 3:15)

Medication

Anger Worldliness (James 4:1-10)

Repent of idolatry Medication

Downcast, constant crying, inner turmoil, sadness

Difficult physical circumstances (Ps 42:9)

Hope in God (Ps 42) Medication

Wild, erratic mood swings, suicidal behaviour

Demon possession (Mk 9:22; )

Faith in Christ (Mk 9:22)

Medication

Do these medications treat the causes or the symptoms of mental diseases?

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Since secular medicine does not acknowledge the existence of the human soul it is forced to seek a physiological cause and treatment for every disease. This presupposition is particularly evident when it comes to “mental diseases” which describe non-material symptoms rather than underlying, material causes. There is definitely an interconnection between the material and non-material aspects of our being (1 Cor 11:30; James 5:13-15) but non-material problems do not always have material causes which can be treated by material means (medications).

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