creating a healthy marriage - service, integrity, fidelity · reference: getting the love you want...
TRANSCRIPT
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Objectives
» Discuss the myths of marriage
» Examine the stages of marriage
» Understand the behaviors that lead to and intensify marital conflict
» Learn the keys to creating and maintaining a healthy marriage
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Marriage Myths
A Great Relationship:» Depends on a great meeting of the minds» Requires a great romance» Requires great problem solving» Requires common interests» Is always a peaceful one» Lets you vent all of your feelings» Has nothing to do with sex» Cannot survive a flawed partner» Requires you to do things the “right way”» Requires you to straighten your partner out
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Stages of Marriage
» Romantic Love» Disillusionment/the Power Struggle» Cooperation» Acceptance» Transformation
Reference: Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendricks
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Behaviors That Intensify Conflict
» What are some of the behaviors we engage in that cause or intensify conflict in our marriages?
» What are some of the behaviors we engage in that can help reduce conflict?
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Behaviors That Intensify Conflict
» Criticism» Contempt» Defensiveness» Stonewalling» Flooding
Reference: Gottman & Silver, The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work
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Dealing with Differences & Conflict
» Set boundaries
» Clearly communicate your needs
» Learn the art of negotiation
» Identify and own your feelings
» Check out your assumptions
» Consider your spouse’s point of view
» Create win-win solutions
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Principles for Creating a Healthy Marriage
» Have a solid friendship
» Know your spouse
» Strive for emotional intimacy
» Make time to be together
» Let your partner influence you
» Solve the solvable issues
» Create shared meaning
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Tools for Maintaining Healthy Relationships
» Active listening
» Nonverbal communication
» Own your messages
» Keep anger contained
» Remember to have fun
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Resources
» Military Community Services
» Chaplain and Local Clergy
» Military OneSource (800) 342-9647
» TRICARE www.tricare.osd.mil
» Behavioral Health Services
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References
Internet– www.familydigest.com– www.relationshipjourney.com– www.drphil.com
Books– Barnett, Doyle. 20 Communication Tips for Couples: A 30-Minute
Guide to a Better Relationship. New World Library.– Gottman, John M & Silver, Nan. The Seven Principles for Making
Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press.– Hendrix, Harville. Getting the Love You Want. Owl Books.– Stone, Douglas, Patton, Bruce, Heen, Sheila, & Fisher, Roger. Difficult
Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. Penguin, USA.