creating the leading advantage booklet 3

Creating the Leading Advantage www.leadingpotential.com.au

©2007 | Leading Potential 34

Leading for Change

CURRENT

STATE

DESIRED

STATE

CHANGE

Listening to Total Behaviour

Allowing space for articulation of their vision (The teacher they want to be)

Knowing what they want/who they want to be

Providing opportunities for them to grow into who they want to be

Working with both behaviour and intention:

Identifying people who are out of effective control

Clarifying intentions

Limiting and levelling destructive behavioural choices

Building effective behavioural choices for intentions

Leadership Responses

←PAIN PLEASURE

RESPONSES TO IMPENDING CHANGE

Leadership Responses


35 ©2007 | Leading Potential

Ineffective Leadership for Change

BEHAVIOURAL RESPONSES TO PAIN

• CRITICISING

• BLAMING

• COMPLAINING

• NAGGING

• THREATENING

• PUNISHING

• REWARDING

CURRENT

STATE

DESIRED

STATE

CHANGE

←PAIN PLEASURE


RESPONSE OBSERVED BY LEADER (AND OTHERS)

LABEL BEHAVIOUR OR PERSON

JUSTIFY AND USE COERCIVE LEADERSHIP BEHAVIOURS

EXTERNALISED CONTROL

COERCED RESPONSES

JUSTIFIED EXTERNAL CONTROL THINKING AND BEHAVIOURS

REINFO

RCE IN

EEFECT

IVE BEH

AVIOURA

L RESPO

NSES



Script 2:

SYLVIA

What don’t you want me on your team any more?

MICHAEL

Well not if you are going to make it so hard to work here. I mean what was all that? What are you stuck in the past or something? Yeh sure we may not like it but get with the times honey – this is happening and we have to do it.

SYLVIA

I don’t have to.

MICHAEL

No you don’t you can quit anytime you like. But if you want to teach then you will have to teach this way! Am I going to have trouble with you? Cause I will go straight to the principal about this if I am! I’m not putting up with it.

SYLVIA

Well if you are going to put it like that what choice do I have? I’ll do it but I’m telling you now I won’t be happy about it.



Effective Leadership for Change

BEHAVIOURAL RESPONSES TO PAIN

• CRITICISING

• BLAMING

• COMPLAINING

• NAGGING

• THREATENING

• PUNISHING

• REWARDING

CURRENT

STATE

DESIRED

STATE

CHANGE

←PAIN PLEASURE


RESPONSE OBSERVED BY LEADER (AND OTHERS)

SELF/CO‐MANAGED INTERACTION

INTERNAL CONTROL RESPONSES

INCREASING RESPONSIBILITY AND EFFECTIVE CONTROL

DEC

REASESINEEFECT

IVEBE

HAVIOURA

LRE

SPONSES

INTENTION READ INTENTION AND TOTAL

BEHAVIOUR

PHYSIOLOGICAL RESPONSE

CHOOSE THINKING/ACTING RESPONSE

EFFECTIVE LEADERSHIP ACTION

(NON‐COERCIVE)

RESPONDING TO BOTH

BEHAVIOUR AND INTENTION



Script 3:

MICHAEL

Okay so how was this painful for you? (E)

SYLVIA

Well you know I have this idea that as a professional I should be trusted to make professional decisions and this latest procedure from the minister just undermines my professional judgement.

MICHAEL

So this causes you pain how? (E)

SYLVIA

Well I think it takes away my freedom to judge a situation and an appropriate response.

MICHAEL

Yeh I see that now.

SYLVIA

And so this isn’t about you!

MICHAEL

No it isn’t. And I see I reacted as if you were attacking me. Though I have to ask you. If that was your intention, to reduce your pain, did you get what you wanted when you were complaining and criticising? (E)

SYLVIA

Hmm not really. I felt good because I was doing something other then just laying down and accepting it but not anything that would make any difference.

MICHAEL

Eh I understand how frustrating it is. In fact I agree with you on the professional judgement front. This time I don’t think we are going to win that fight. Would you agree with that? (E)



SYLVIA

Yep this one is in the bag.

MICHAEL

So I wonder then how you might find ways to continue exercising your judgement as professional and maintaining some of your freedoms? (P)

SYLVIA

I can’t see any right now, but thanks for hearing me on this one. Is this an issue for us or what? You know that whole thing of increasing responsibility but decreasing power?

MICHAEL

It could be. I can see that. Does that get you fired up does it? (W)

SYLVIA

Sure does.

MICHAEL

So what are you going to do? (P)

SYLVIA

I reckon I’ve got to …



Evaluation and Planning Questions

WANT

What do you want?

What do you expect of yourself?

How do you want to be treated by others?

If it went well, what would be your preferred outcome?

What do you believe is important here?

DO

What are you doing to get what you want?

How do you communicate to others what you want? What have you communicated to others about what you want?

What are you thinking about yourself, others and the world when you’re trying to get what you want?

What are you doing specifically? (body language, posture, tone, facial expressions, relative positioning)

EVALUATE

Are you getting what you want?

Is it working?

How specifically do you know it is or isn’t working?

What parts are and are not working?

How important is this to you?

Is there another way you can get what you want?

Can you agree to delay getting what you want for another time/place?

PLAN

What will you do now?

What will you do differently?

When? How? With whom? Where?

Simple

Measurable

Achievable

Realistic

Time

N.B. Not all the questions are applicable to every circumstance and are not designed to be sequential.



7 Connecting Habits

Rose, K. Basic Practicum Handbook (Unpublished)

LISTENING – Helping people to help themselves. Hearing total behaviour without criticising, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing or rewarding SUPPORTING – Believing in, thinking the best, to build on one’s strengths, to validate and uphold. ENCOURAGING – Tapping into one’s strengths and confidence to make greater efforts and success in meeting one’s needs through one’s pictures. RESPECTING – A high and special regard for others by seeing and believing in their worth and dignity. TRUSTING – A reliance on the character, ability and strength of another. One in which confidence is placed and believing that one is here to help and not to hurt. ACCEPTING – To believe in, to value and to see the worth of others, just as they are, while supporting their efforts of continuous improvement. NEGOTIATING DISAGREEMENTS – Working towards win‐win solutions. Believing that in everything we say and do, we want to be drawn closer to each other and not driven further apart. To find solutions that are needs satisfying to the relationship we want with others.



Leadership Responses to Difficult Scenarios Who are the people that need to work harder when you’re late back to class from lunch?

Who are you saying are the people that matter when you don’t get back to class on time?

How do you want me to interpret your behaviour when you don’t hand in your program on time?

You’re program hasn’t been handed in on time. Before we come up with a plan for handing it in, is there anything you need me to know.

What does it say about you when you think it’s OK to put someone down in public?

Putting people down in public is not OK with me. We need to work out a way for it to be better between you and (x)?

You continue to wear inappropriate dress to work, how do you suggest we sort it out?

It’s not OK that the class was left unattended. We need to come up with a plan to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. What can I do to help make that possible? What will you do?

When you continue to send the student to my office, what is that telling me about your relationship with them?

*Note absence of external control through emotions (“I feel this way when you…”) and destructive habits



Reading Behaviour

Hanging around alw

ays wanting

to talk when there is w

ork to be done Not subm

itting planning on tim

e Lack of m

otivation for project X Doing ow

n thing without taking

care of due process

Complaining that no‐one

notices how hard they w

ork Criticising a student in the staff room

Bossing others around Taking over conversations or projects

Turning up late to yard duty Bragging about successes Putting others dow

n for their lack of professionalism

Making derisive com

ments

Late for Meetings

Not subm

itting planning on tim

e Late for w

ork Behaviour

Friends Healthy

relationships Connection to others

Release from

Feeling stifled, controlled, coerced Respect Success Em

powerm

ent Making a

difference Im

portance Pow

er

Fun Laughter Enjoym

ent Entertainm

ent Sleep Personal SafetyShelter Health

Food

Intention (Wanting)

Someone cares

Belonging Feeling loved To avoid loneliness

Freedom to…

Freedom

from…

Independence Be able to express m

yself

Control Being the best Achievem

ent Com

petence Self w

orth Pow

er over To party, rage Play To alleviate boredom

Longevity Rem

oval from

danger organisation

LOVE &

BELONGING

FREEDOM

POWER

FUN & LEA

RNING

SURV

IVIAL

Need

Increase opportunities for connecting, building and expanding group identity, understanding one another,

Increase opportunities for making

choices, initiating ideas, flexibility in processes and end results. Learn about other w

ays of doing things from

your team.

Increase opportunities for acknow

ledgment, achievem

ent, gaining respect and success. Provide self evaluation and self acknow

ledgement processes as part

of your work schedule. (Bew

are of rew

arding)

Increase opportunities for fun, learning &

laughter. Make it part of

the way you w

ork rather than an add on.

Increase opportunities for improved

organisation and meeting basic needs.

Remove physical, em

otional, professional and social threats.

Leader Response



Reading Behaviour

Behaviour

Friends Healthy

relationships Connection to others

Release from

Feeling stifled, controlled, coerced Respect Success Em

powerm

ent Making a

difference Im

portance Pow

er

Fun Laughter Enjoym

ent Entertainm

ent Sleep Personal SafetyShelter Health

Food

Intention (Wanting)

Someone cares

Belonging Feeling loved To avoid loneliness

Freedom to…

Freedom

from…

Independence Be able to express m

yself

Control Being the best Achievem

ent Com

petence Self w

orth Pow

er over To party, rage Play To alleviate boredom

Longevity Rem

oval from

danger organisation

LOVE &

BELONGING

FREEDOM

POWER

FUN & LEA

RNING

SURV

IVIAL

Need

Leader Response



Script 3

Doing/Evaluating

Evaluating

Evaluating

Identifying intention

Acknowledging needs

Evaluating

Criticising

Stating agenda

Revisiting agreements

Doing?

SYLVIA

So you were saying that you turn up late for meetings because it a way to get noticed?

MICHAEL

Yeh I was. And you said the team hassles me about it and I said I can take it.

SYLVIA

Do you like it?

MICHAEL

Yeh its okay.

SYLVIA

What do you like about it?

MICHAEL

At least I can get noticed for something.

SYLVIA

Being noticed is important for me, is it for you?

MICHAEL

Suppose.

SYLVIA

Does it feel good when they hassle you for being late?

MICHAEL

What is this a therapy session?

SYLVIA

Not at all. They don’t pay me enough to be a therapist.

MICHAEL

And I don’t need therapy. What is this about?

SYLVIA

Well we did agree earlier in the year that being prompt to meetings was important because it allowed us start and finish on time, indicated a respect for our colleague’s time and provided the best avenue for making team decisions. Do you recall that?

MICHAEL

Yes. So?

SYLVIA

Well in your opinion, have you been arriving at our meetings on time?



Negotiating

Doing?

Blaming

Allowing others to own needs/behaviour

Evaluating

Blaming, complaining,

Seeking information (What does this person want from the world/others/self?)

Pictures for meetings

Complaining/nagging

Evaluating

MICHAEL

No I already said that.

SYLVIA

Excellent we agree on that. What I’d like to do is find the best way forward. Do you still agree that it’s important to be at meetings on time?

MICHAEL

S’pose.

SYLVIA

Okay. Can I ask what keeps you from being at the meetings on time?

MICHAEL

I dunno? Different things, kids wanting stuff, parents ringing up, bloody report corrections, last minute reliefs I have to do without notice.

SYLVIA

Yes we are all incredibly busy and you no less than others. What do you wan to do about this?

MICHAEL

What can I do? I’ve got other stuff that has to be done. I’m not super human.

SYLVIA

Sure. I wonder if you like meetings, Michael.

MICHAEL

What’s to like? Just everyone blowing their own trumpet, pushing their weight around, talking over each other. I can’t get a word in edge ways.

SYLVIA

I didn’t realise you saw it that way. Can you tell me more about that?

MICHAEL

Look I come to a meeting and I expect it to be run smoothly, to have intelligent discussions, to make decisions that have all our ideas in them. Instead it seems to be the loudest trumpet gets the result.

SYLVIA

Okay that’s interesting information for me. So how does coming late work for you then?



Evaluating

Identifying need/intention

Seeking information (What does this person want from the world/others/self?) Evaluating/Wanting

Wanting/evaluating

Doing?

Evaluating

Supporting

MICHAEL

Well at least I don’t have to put up with all that grandstanding.

SYLVIA

Yet you get a fair bagging when you come late.

MICHAEL

Yeh well it’s the only time anyone takes notice of me.

SYLVIA

So you don’t like the ‘grandstanding’ as you called it and you do like to be noticed yourself? Is it important to you be acknowledged?

MICHAEL

Of course. I have a professional view like everyone. I don’t need to stand on a hill and wave a banner like some people but I do want to be heard occasionally.

SYLVIA

So you want to be acknowledged and you don’t get that in the meetings but you do get it when you come late?

MICHAEL

Ye pretty much.

SYLVIA

So coming late helps you get what you want?

MICHAEL

Some of it.

SYLVIA

Do you do anything in the meetings to help you get acknowledgement?

MICHAEL

I’ve given up!

SYLVIA

Is that working for you?

MICHAEL

What?

SYLVIA

Well I reckon, if being acknowledged is important to you and you aren’t getting any, you must be feeling pretty frustrated in those meetings. Are you?



Blaming

Listening/supporting/evaluating

Evaluating

Balancing priorities of needs

Negotiating agreements/ stating own needs/planing

Leaving the responsibility with the team member

MICHAEL

Too right. Their all egotistical jerks.

SYLVIA

Now I understand what you are dealing with here. Can I ask, “Do you think you might be allowing yourself to be late, to avoid the aggravation you experience at the meetings?”

MICHAEL

Suppose so.

SYLVIA

Is it working?

MICHAEL

Yes I don’t have to put up with it for all the time I am late.

SYLVIA

How do you see this working with your agreement that a prompt start to meetings is important too?

MICHAEL

It doesn’t. But until they shut up or you take control of them and give me chance. That’s what I am stuck with.

SYLVIA

Hmm Yes I will need to think some more about the way our meetings go and perhaps revisit our agreements. I’ll certainly do that because it is important to me that everyone is heard in our meetings. I wonder though what you might do to improve your experience of meetings.

MICHAEL

What do you mean? What I might do? I’ve tried everything I can think of.

SYLVIA

Yes and yet you still feel frustrated. So much so you come late to avoid the frustration. What if there was something you could do that would reduce your frustration, would you feel better about coming to the meetings?

MICHAEL

Yes I guess so.

SYLVIA

Then you might feel good about being there on time because that is important to you too.



Plan

Plan

Plan

Negotiate

Agree

MICHAEL

Hmmm

SYLVIA

So what could you do?

MICHAEL

Well if I got a chance I could present some of my ideas? But I’d have to have a chance.

SYLVIA

How could you be sure to get a chance?

MICHAEL

Hmm set it up at the beginning of the meeting I guess. Like have an agenda item.

SYLVIA

Sure that would work. Do you want to do that?

MICHAEL

Yeh okay. But I don’t want to be bagged by the team.

SYLVIA

Okay let me see what I can do about that. I’ll put in on our agenda for the next meeting and maybe the one after, we could have you first up present some of your ideas for the school fete this year.

MICHAEL

Okay I can do that.



Conflict Styles

WHEN

TO USE

DISA

DVA

NTA

GES

ADVA

NTA

GES

DIFFEREN

CES

BEHAVIO

URS

Conflict is trivial Your stake in the issue is not high Confrontation w

ill dam

age an important

relationship Don’t have tim

e t o resolve the conflict Em

otions are high

Conflict is unresolved People m

ay walk all over

the avoider Problem

may get w

orse Tim

e delay can escalate the difficulty of the situation

Maintains relationships in

the short term

Unassertive

Uncooperative

Mentally w

ithdrawn

Physically absent

PASSIVE

LOSE/LO

SE SITUATIO

N

AVO

IDING

People enjoy being the follow

er Maintaining a relationship

outweighs everything else

Changes agreed to are not that im

portant to the accom

modator

Time to resolve conflict is

limited

Giving in m

ay be counterproductive Overuse tends to lead to

people taking advantage of the accom

modator

Relationships are maintained

You do something you

didn’t want to do

Unassertive

Cooperative Neglect ow

n needs

PASSIVE

WIN/LO

SE SITUATIO

N

ACCO

MMODATIN

G

When unpopular

decisions need to be made

Commitm

ent by others to the decision is not crucial Maintaining relationships

is not critical Conflict resolution is urgent

Overuse leads to hostility

and resentment

Poor human relationships

Better organisational decisions m

ade

Forcers commonly enjoy

working w

ith accom

modators and

avoiders

Uncooperative

Aggressive

Satisfying own needs

AGGRESSIVE W

IN/LO

SE

SITUATIO

N

FORCIN

G

When issues are com

plex and critical No sim

ple or clear solutions Parties have equal pow

er and interest in solutions Solution w

ill only be tem

porary Tim

e is short Can lead to counterproductive results Can lead to people playing gam

es (asking for more than they w

ant)

Conflict resolved relatively quickly Working relationships to

be maintained

Comprom

ising approach

Moderate assertiveness

Moderate cooperation

ASSERTIVE I W

IN

SOME/YO

U W

IN SO

ME

NEG

OTIA

TING

When dealing w

ith issues that require an optim

al solution Com

promise w

ould be sub‐optim

al People are w

illing to place goal before self interest Mem

bers truly collaborate Tim

e is available Maintaining relationships

is important

Skill, effort and time are

greater and longer than other styles

Leads to best solution for conflict

Problem solving style

Agreem

ent that the solution is the best one for both

parties

Assertive

Cooperative Looking for the best solution A

SSERTIVE

TRUE W

IN/W

IN

COLLA

BORA

TING

Adapted from Lussier, R.N., & Achua, C.F. (2004) Leadership: Theory, Application, Skill Development, (2nd Ed) pp 196‐198

Michael

Text Box

This page not available on the free version for copyright reasons.



Plan



Wubbolding’s Effective Plans

Adapted from Wubbolding, R.E. (2000) Reality Therapy for the 21st Century,

Brunner‐Routledge, Philadelphia.

LOCUS OF CONTROL

OTHER SELF

EFFECTIVENESS

INCREASED

DECREASED

Self Managed

Co‐Managed

Other Managed



Motivating yourself to act…

What will doing this give me? Will it…

Survival … increase my health?

… decrease my hunger? … give me rest? … increase my personal safety? … increase my longevity? … decrease danger? … decrease fear? … increase my level of organisation and

planning?

Fun/Learning … increase my fun, laughter, … give enjoyment, entertainment? … allow me to play? … decrease my boredom?

Freedom … give me freedom to…?

… give me freedom from…? … increase my independence? … allow me to better express myself? … allow me to do and believe what I want to? … reduce the feeling of being stifled, controlled

or coerced?

Power … increase my power, control and success? … allow me to be the best I can be? … allow me to achieve, make a difference … increase my importance, self worth,

competence and respect … empower me?

Love & Belonging … help me feel loved?

… help me feel that someone cares? … help me belong? … build friendships and healthy relationships? … increase my connection to others? … reduce my isolation?


Distinction and Expansion Activities ©2007 | Leading Potential

LEADING FOR CHANGE – Distinctions

Now you have completed the Leading for Change section you can:

1. Identify the elements of Leading for Change that are important to your role as leader.

2. Identify when a change does or does not hold a match for your team members.

3. Identify ways to work with those experiencing discomfort as a result of an impending change.

4. Recognise the behaviours that suggest that a team member is in discomfort and damage the team’s cohesiveness.

5. Learn non‐coercive ways to help others work away from their discomfort.

6. Understand why ‘labelling’ other’s behaviour subverts the real work of leadership.

7. Identify the intentions and needs of your team and help them find new pictures and behaviours to get what they want effectively.

8. Build trust through rapport building (matching and mirroring)

9. Listen with the agenda of understanding others and know what questions to ask to build that understanding.

10. Help others to identify when their pictures are no longer helpful and then help them to find more effective pictures and behaviours.

11. Help others to get a match for their pictures and needs in processes, tasks and relationships.


©2007 | Leading Potential Distinction and Expansion Activities

LEADING FOR CHANGE – Expansions

Identify the intention in people’s everyday behaviours (regardless of your discomfort or agreement with those behaviours). Try attaching what you have identified to an underlying need or needs.

Create more effective thoughts you can have when people are criticising you.

Listen for the connecting habits in phrases that leaders you admire use.

Find ways to rephrase ideas expressed through the disconnecting habits to make them more connecting.

Practice matching and mirroring and see if you can lead people to match your more resourceful body language.

Listen with an agenda of understanding and build an understanding of the world of the listener. Do it over and over. With friends, life partners, your parents and children. Then do it for your team.

Identify how you meet your needs in leadership. Create pictures of others being listened to first and then work out how this will help you meet each of your needs as a leader.

Think about a new change you have to introduce. Now work out how it might help your team to meet their needs. In that process identify pictures they may take on as part of that needs meeting. Use these pictures as you introduce the new change to your team.

Ask questions that will have the team create those pictures. “I’m wondering how we might see this change as helping us be more effective/to have more choices/to engage in lifelong learning/be more organised/ to feel more connected as a team?”

creating the leading advantage booklet 3

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