crisis counseling ii chapter 12 - life transitions

Crisis In Life’s Transitions

Prepared and Presented ByGlen Christie, MS, EdS, ThD, LPC,

CASACFaith Bible CollegeCrisis Counseling II

The Transitions of LifeTransitions Model

Understanding Transitions: Anticipated: Graduation, marriage, parenthood, start a job

Unanticipated: Accident, layoff, untimely death of loved one Nonevent: Not married, remaining childless, don’t retire

4 S’s System for Coping with Transitions:Situation: Situation at time of transition will affect responseSelf: Your inner strength for coping with the transitionsSupports: The support available is critical to your well-beingStrategies: Strategies used to change the situation

The Transitions of Life Transitions Defined

• Endings Triggering event, then the loss of the old life:• Disengagement• Disidentification• Disenchantment• Disorientation

• Neutral Zones The old life has ended, and the new life has not yet begun

• New BeginningsIt is a Process - not a “To Do List”. “Signs” are generally not available

• Listening to the “inner voice” for patterns and new opportunities

• Launching a new set of priorities, ideas, and goals

The Transitions of LifeTransition Is Change and Change Is

Inevitable

It is often said that the only things in life that are inevitable are death and taxes. Well, you can add a third item to the things that are inevitable, and that is change that blazes our trail through life.

We are caught up in a perpetual motion of change, swirling all around us, that we will never be able to avoid. In other words, this rate of change is here to stay.

Many Types of Transitions Personal

Child to adultDependent to

independentCaregiver to “empty nest”Able-bodied to disabledIncarcerated to

parolee/freeAddicted to SoberSpirituality (change

beliefs or religion)Home: (apartment to

homeowner, etc.)Personal technology

(phones, TV, computers, etc.)

Family & Other Relationships

Single to married (or otherwise committed)Married to singleChildless to parentIndependent to caregiver (or the reverse)Death (or separation from) a loved one

Many Types of Transitions SocietalA Changing WorldNative to immigrantGroups – majority to minority, etc.Spiritual – place of worshipMove to a new community

EducationHigh school to collegeCommunity college to universityCollege student to graduateStudent to employeeEmployee to student

Career New assignments,

bosses, etc. Employee to

manager Employed to

unemployed Unemployed to

employed Employee to

retired

Military Civilian to soldier Soldier to veteran

More Than One Transition?

Yes. You can experience several simultaneous or serial transitions at any time.

Some transitions may trigger others - Example: Loss of job can also trigger: New student, family status changes,

and Veteran (if job was military), etc.Synchronicity dictates that reason (God’s

intervention) governs cause and effect.

Is it possible to experience more than one transition at a time?

Emotionally

Mental Emotional Grief: Resistance Reminiscing Regret Spiritual Political Perception of

Reality Values Sense of Identity Personality

In Other Ways

PhysicalLevel of

“Productivity”RelationshipsAuthorityRolesThe “Rules”Expectations PrioritiesFinancialLegal

How Transitions Affect You

The Transitions of Life

To deal effectively with change you cannot let it frustrate or upset you.

You cannot attempt to minimize or avoid change. Instead, you have to learn how to deal with change, and use it to your advantage.

It begins with acceptance. Change is an essential element of life itself, yet we almost instinctively resist it. Most people believe that if they ignore change, it won’t happen.

That if they ignore change, somehow time will turn back to the way things were years ago. But that is not going to happen.

Acceptance


Unlike the “old days” change is occurring so rapidly that we no longer have the luxury of adapting to it gradually.

Instead of resisting change, we are forced to develop a habit of welcoming and working with it or get left behind.

The future belongs to those who anticipate change and have a plan to respond to it.

We’ll never be able to completely control change, but we can manage our participation in it and our reaction to it.

Things are Moving Quickly


The most valuable quality your can ever develop to deal with change is flexibility.

You must form the habit of remaining open-minded and adaptable to new information and circumstances.

When things go wrong and problems come up, as they often do, instead of becoming upset and frustrated, look for the benefit (the positive aspect) that is always contained in the change.

Flexibility


Another critical issue in dealing with change is having control.

Most of your stress and unhappiness in life comes as a result of feeling out of control in a particular area in your life.

If you think about the times or places where you feel the very best about yourself, you will notice a high degree of control in those places.

One of the reasons why you like to come home after a trip is because, after you walk through your front door, you feel completely in control of your environment.

Control


The only thing you have complete control over is content of your conscious mind. So, for you to effectively deal with change, you must have full control over thoughts.

Since change is inevitable and continuous, it is how you think about what is happening to you that will be the most important factor in determining how change will affect you.

How you think about what is happening to you will determine whether you will use change to your advantage or let it work to your disadvantage.

All in Your Mind


Resistance to change is almost always rooted in fear.

During periods of transition, some people may feel the need to cling to the past because it was a more secure, predictable time.

If what they did in the past worked well for them, they may resist changing their behavior out of fear that they will not achieve as much or be happy in the future.

So, Why do we resist … Fear!


Doing things in the same routine, predictable manner is comfortable.

Asking people to change the way they operate or think is asking them to move outside their comfort zone. "We've always done it this way, so why do we need to change?" becomes the rallying cry for people who have difficulty transitioning in life.

In some cases, people may ignore or deny the transition simply because it requires them to experience something beyond their normal method of operation.

Creatures of habit


Some people seem to have the attitude, "Please don't confuse me with any facts or supporting documentation about this change--I've already made up my mind!“

People with this attitude approach the transition process with their minds firmly made up, insisting, "No way!" during any discussion, explanations, or exploration of possible benefits.

Closed mind


Most people view change from an ego-centric standpoint, they will respond by fearing how the transition will affect them directly.

Will it make their life easier? Will they have to endure struggle or pain (nothing positive)? Will the change put their health or security in jeopardy?

Will the transition force them to be around different people or unwillingly adapt to a new lifestyle?

Fear of transitional impact


We all experience transitional change in our lives. It can be a tragedy, like the folks in Louisiana coping with the effects of a major disaster, or it can be something good, like me getting married.

Sometimes we accept change and sometimes it’s forced upon us whether we like it or not.

Life’s transitions come in all shapes & sizes, intensities, and can be a very disruptive force in our lives.

How to Deal With Transition

The Transitions of Life Even small changes, like a disagreement

with a close friend, can throw us out of balance.

Sometimes it’s as simple as a routine, or good habit, being broken. If enough time has passed and enough disruption has occurred, it can be hard to get back on track.

Part of a maintaining a good, stable, and well balanced life is learning to appreciate both aspects of nature’s duality.

The problem lies in that sometimes appreciating and acting appropriately on that duality creates confusion and disruption and you can lose momentum in various aspects of your life.


It requires effort to keep up with change. It calls for motivation, determination and

persistence. It takes courage to step out of self-imposed limitations and to face your true self.

It also requires an open mind, patience and flexibility to recognize the many opportunities that God is continuously offering you. The focus is, therefore, on none other than the ‘Self.’

It is Hard Work


No transition is possible unless you can face and accept your inner true self with all your weaknesses and your strengths.

Transition on the outside is the result of transition on the inside. Whatever phase of change is confronting you, there are only two choices.

You either choose to be passive, stubbornly ignoring and change, or you can actively take matters into your own hands and take control of your life.

It is Hard Work


I walk, down the street. There is a deep hole in the

sidewalk. I fall in

I am lost.... I am helpless It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again

I can't believe I am in the same place but, it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

How We Seem To LearnI walk down the same street There is a deep hole in the

sidewalk. I see it there.'

I still fall in.... it's a habit, my eyes are open.

I know where I am. It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the

sidewalk. I walk around it.

I walk down another street!


Anamnesis: The skill of keeping n touch with what is deep and constant in the midst of change.

Listening: The skill of truly hearing others Joining: The skill of temporarily experiencing

and understanding the worldview of another. Penetrating: The skill of seeing that the

presenting symptom is often not the real problem.

Turning to the outside: The skill of staying out of the way of the change until you can get at it from a better angle.

Big vision: The skill of seeing the forest.

Skills of Transitioning


• Hang time: The willingness to stay in the moment of ambiguity.

• Wholeness: The ability for an individual, a family, or a community to move as one.

• Knowledge: The understanding of how change works.

• Aligning the center: The skill of lining up who you are with how you serve others every day - the decisions you make, how you spend your time, what you offer to people.

• Internal Drive: The skill of finding happiness in the doing, not just in the result.



• Rhythm: The skill of knowing when to move. • Zanshin: the skill of sustaining relationships. • Shifting Focus: The skill of rapidly and cleanly

shifting focus, being fully present with what is in front of you, and able to fully set aside what is not the present task.

• Acting in uncertainty: The skill of being able to move with insufficient data.

• Capacity For Paradox: The skill of entertaining two opposing ideas at the same time, not to discredit one over the other, but to glean the best from both

• Market sense: The skill of finding the opportunity in the crisis.



Go out of your way to recognize the efforts and positive contributions of others and to express your appreciation. I competative games and fun games, play to lose some of the time. A side benefit will be that you lessen your concentration on winning and improve your skills. At first, avoid others who are quick to anger or other Type A’s, since it will take you some time to learn not to react to them. Make a list of the reasons and benefits of eliminating this hostility from your life.

Coping With Transitioning


Try to identify your trigger point of anger. What

irritates you the most? What would happen if you did

not become angry? Keep a behavioral diary. Whenever anger

occurs, record the following:

The circumstances surrounding the anger such as who was there, where it occurred, what triggered it, etc.

The specific ways you acted and the statements you made.

Coping With Transitioning

Conclusions

In the foregoing I have tried to tell you that there is a trajectory of life

It is not the same for our body soul and spirit Our body develops decays and dies Our mind develops and only decays if our

brain is diseased. Even then it does not cease to exist

Our soul is immortal and it will exist in eternity either in heaven or hell

Conclusions

If we are in Christ and he in us we go to heaven

If we are not in Christ we will be separated from God for eternity

Our charge is to help as many people manage their transitions as possible and introduce them to the Lord of life

crisis counseling ii chapter 12 - life transitions

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