crucial conversations
DESCRIPTION
Crucial Conversations. Adapted from Crucial Conversations Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron Mcmillan, and Al Switzler McGraw-Hill Companies, New York, 2002. ISBN 0-07-140194-6. Your Moderator Today is Karen Tobias - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
Crucial Conversations
Adapted from Crucial Conversations Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High
Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron Mcmillan, and Al SwitzlerMcGraw-Hill Companies, New York, 2002.ISBN 0-07-140194-6
CEU code 05109wb .1 CEU
Your Moderator Today is Karen TobiasVP of Professional Development
NMA Headquarters2210 Arbor Blvd.Dayton, OH 45439937-294-0421E-mail: [email protected]
Objectives for Crucial Conversations
Discover how to communicate best when it matters the most
Manage your communication “style” under stress
Make it safe to talk about anything
Fill the Pool of Shared Meaning Turn conversations into
actions and results you want
Tools for talkingWhen the stakes are high…
At work Boss – Performance reviews Co-workers - Conflicts on how to… Customers – Angry
At home Family – Children, Parents, S______ Friends – ____________ Neighbors – ____________
Behavior Choices
We Can Fight“Violence” Attack Label Control
We Can Flee“Silence” Withdrawn Avoid Mask
“Conversation Killers”
Chapter 4, Learn to Look, pp. 52-54.
Behavior Choices
Fight Camp
Flight Camp
The Dialogue ModelSilence
Violence
ControllingLabelingAttacking
Safety
WithdrawingAvoidingMasking
Dialogue
“Conversation Killers”
What is happening to you… Feel fear Question their
motives Feel you aren’t
respected Feel threaten
What should be happening to you… Feel safe Trust their
motives Respect the
person Understand
their meaning
Start with your own heart
The only person you can change is yourself…start there.
Focus on What You Really Want Pay attention to your motives. Ask yourself: “What does my behavior tell me
about what my motives are?” Then, clarify what you really want. Ask
yourself: “What do I want for myself? For others? For the relationship?”
And finally ask: “How would I behave if this were what I really wanted?”
Chapter 4 , Learn to Look, p. 63.
Learn to Look
Learn to Look at content and conditions Look for when things become crucial Learn to watch for safety problems Look to see if others are moving toward
silence or violence Look for outbreaks of your Style Under
Stress
Chapter 4, Learn to Look, p. 63.
Refuse the Sucker’s Choice As you consider what you want, notice
when you start talking yourself into a Sucker’s Choice. Watch to see if you’re telling yourself that you must
choose between peace and honesty, between winning and losing, and so on.
Break free of these Sucker’s Choices by searching for the and.
Clarify what you don’t want, add it to what you do want, and ask your brain to start searching for healthy options to bring you to dialogue.
Chapter 3, Start with Heart, p. 43.
Make it Safe
“…Step out of the conversation, build safety, and then find a way to dialogue…”Decide which condition of Safety is at risk Mutual Purpose
Do others believe you care about their goals in this conversation? Do they trust your motives?
Mutual Respect Do others believe you respect them?
Chapter 5, Make It Safe, p. 91.
Make It Safe
Apologize when appropriate.
Contrast to fix misunderstandings When others misunderstand either your purpose
or intent, use Contrasting. Start with what you don’t intend or mean. Then
explain what you do intend or mean.
Chapter 5, Make It Safe, p. 92.
Make It Safe
CRIB to Get to Mutual PurposeWhen you are at cross-purposes, use
four skills to get back to Mutual Purpose:
Commit to seek Mutual Purpose. Recognize the purpose behind the strategy. Invent a Mutual Purpose. Brainstorm new strategies.
Chapter 5, Make It Safe, p. 92.
Resources
Crucial Conversations Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High
Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler
McGraw-Hill Companies, New York, 2002.ISBN 0-07-140194-6
Http://www.crucialconversations.com