crutchs shutdown special

1

�� “-sputter- COMES OVER…? HERE?!! OH NO, NO, NO, NO NO!! doesn’t work that way.

we NEVER had this CONVERSATION. … when you call it you’ll get an ANSWERING machine.

not outgoing message, just a BEEP. that’s your CUE. you say ‘JUMPIN’

JACK FLASH’ and HANG UP. got it?” Pete Ashton, KODT Issue #108, Unsolicited Advice…

Bait and Switch by jolly r. blackburn

shoot! you mean he’s not HERE?

\ came in to PAY DOWN my TAB.

where’s BOB...? isn’t he WORKING today?

they’re in

the BACKROOM

tossin’ DICE. they’re

GAMING..?

of course.

in CRUTCH’S GAME!!

c-crutch’s

game...?

oh dear

um, is

THAT

today...?

as for pete -- well, patty TWISTED

his arm at HAWG’s last week.

pete had one too many, BREWSTER

SNORTERS -snicker- she talked him into

puttin’ his NAME down on the SIGN UP list.

WHOAH... that doesn’t

SOUND like HACKMASTER...

afraid \

don’t

understand.

CRUTCH is

runnin’

CRIME NATION¡

a few days later...

oh... EDDIE.

\ didn’t expect to

see YOU workin’

the COUNTER.

hey B.A.! \’m

just FILLIN’

in for PETE

for a bit.

along with

a BUNCH

of the OTHERS.

how the HECK

did PETE get

SUCKED into...

er.. \ mean,

PETE said “no

way, now how”

he’d play.

as in NOW...?!!

relax, b.a. - you’re SAFE.

CRUTCH has a FULL TABLE.

oh, \ see.

but um, aren’t

YOU playing?

\ seem to

recall you

SIGNED UP

as well.

believe it or

not - patty’s

RECRUITING

CAMPAIGN

actually

worked.

crutch

had to CULL

the list - \

VOLUNTEERED to

give up my seat.

RA-TAAT-TAAT!!

droppin’ a

MAGAZINE and

SLAPPIN in a

NEW ONE here!!

BRRRRPPP¡¡BRRRRPPP¡¡

huh...?

oh, they’re both HERE.

GAAA!!

KA-BLAAM¡¡\ POP A CAP in

his ASS!!

KA-BLAAM¡¡

TRISH!!

behind you!

MOOK with a

MACHETE!!

that’s

because

it’s NOT.

\ expect

it WOULDN’T.

2 Knights of the Dinner Table® - Crutch’s Shutdown Special

* See KODT 187 - The Tutor: Eddie helps Crutch to study for his GM’s exam.

�� “\’m saying we’ve been walking around town with the STINK of DISHONOR

wafting through our ranks -- and ALL because we BLINDLY accepted CHARITY.”

—Brian Van Hoose KODT Issue #107, The Gift Horse

CRIME NATION...?

the HEROES

AND ZEROES add on?

what’s goin’

on -- some

sort of BAIT

AND SWITCH

by PETE...?

to PUSH

unsold

PRODUCT...?!!

no, no -- it’s just STRAIGHT UP,

CRIME NATION THE RPG.

OLD SCHOOL -- FIRST EDITION.

WHAT? he’s

runnin’

CN-1E..?!!

seriously?

well yeah. he CHANGED OVER.

at MY suggestion to be honest.

\ LOANED crutch

all my old BOOKS

and SUPPLEMENTS.

\ was the ONLY player

to show up to his FIRST

session a few weeks ago.

well -- lets just say \ felt

our little DEBUTANTE wasn’t

quite READY for the ball.

as CRUTCH’s

mentor

\ felt he, um --

still needed

a little time

to bring

his “A” game.

ah, that

BAD huh...?

tssk, tssk...

\ was

AFRAID

of that.

he lacks a certain level

of CONFIDENCE as GM.

well that’s understandable --

he’s a GM in training after all.

isn’t that the WHOLE point of

these SESSIONS? so he can learn?

well of

COURSE.

problem is

“FANTASY” really

isn’t his FORTE.

he seems to have

TROUBLE wrapping

his head around

the GENRE in fact.

as a PLAYER, he’s

pretty much stuck

to ONE CLASS all

these years - CLERICS.

sure, \ HAMMERED

rule knowledge

and recall into his

head so he could

PASS the EXAMS.

and \ TRIED to give him

practical experience

in SHAM-SESSIONS.

he does WELL ENOUGH,

\ suppose -- as long as

things go by the SCRIPT.

but you know as WELL as,

\, b.a. -- in HACKMASTER...?

players will EAT YOU ALIVE

if you’re not ROCK STEADY

and able to react QUICKLY

on your feet and make

CALLS accordingly.

again, he

LACKS

confidence.

something

unexpected

comes up...?

he SPITS, SPUTTERS

and FREEZES.

like a DEER in

the HEADLIGHTS.

he second

guesses himself -

starts thumbing

through the books.

okay - \ get that. but why CRIME NATION...?

simple really. “RUN

WHAT YOU KNOW.”

excuse me...?

well ain’t that what

they tell WRITERS...?

“write what

you know...?”

it HIT me that

THAT might be

the ANSWER

for CRUTCH.

‘fraid,

\’m not

FOLLOWIN’

ya, EDDIE.

*

3

�� “my, my… isn’t this INTERESTING? here you are in the BOWELS of the DUNGEON

OF NINETY-NINE DEATHS; and HOW do you CHOOSE to spend your TIME? standing

around YAKKING about pit-engineering and the physical traits of FEMALE dwarves. ”

—Newman, KODT Issue #109, Celebrity Hack

CRIME NATION is a

game about a WORLD

run by CRIMINALS!

THUG SOCIETIES.

CARTEL CITY STATES.

with thier

MOB POLICE

and uniformed

“ENFORCER”

militia.

HIT SQUADS.

yes -- but it also has a

very SIMPLE and ROBUST

engine under the hood.

the RULES are fairly

straightforward.

and it also

relies HEAVILY on

a GM NARRATIVE

using a “COMMON

SENSE” approach

to ARBITRATION.

a LOT of GMS found it difficult to fully CLIMB into that CAB.

as a LESSER known/played game, there’s also less

FANATICISM and the sort of RULES LAWYERING you see with

more popular games such as HACKMASTER -- so there’s THAT.

as for CRUTCH...

he’s a CREATURE

of the STREET who

well -- knows a bit

more about the

SHADOWY SIDES of

life than most gamers.

\’m hopin’ comin’ out the gate

with CRIME NATION will give ‘im

that CONFIDENCE BOOST he needs.

then \ can PULL him

back to HACKMASTER again.

so how’s it

GOING in there?

\ tried running CRIME

NATION once - back in the day.

\ felt like a FISH OUT OF WATER.

the RULES may be simple...

but \ just couldn’t ever seem

to get a CAMPAIGN with LEGS

off the BIRTHING TABLE.

that’s

just it.

let’s just say

as a FISH he’s

got more water

to SWIM about in

than most GMS.

aaah, so THAT’s your angle.

you figure he’ll

have a LEG UP.

CRIME NATION encourages

the GM to “WING IT” where

the rules are SILENT.

and crutch LOOKS the part.

if he makes a BAD CALL who’s

going to QUESTION him?

not me --

that’s

for sure.

well...

PICK IT UP, I SAID¡¡ t-that’s okay.

really - MY BAD.

\ DIDN’T realize

the guy was

PACKIN’...

you don’t DRAW

a KNIFE on a man

and then say,

“NEVER NO MIND”.

GAA¡¡¡ \’m JUMPIN’ out

the WINDOW and

ATTEMPTING to

BEAT OUT THE

FLAMES!!

oh gawd - \’m

GUT SHOT. game

over man...

ummm...

\ have a

few CONCERNS.

don’t let these

MOOKS take me

ALIVE, dude!!

SHOOT ME¡¡SHOOT ME NOW¡¡¡

petty gangs

drug lords

ALL vying

for a piece

of the action.


Blood and Scraps by jolly r. blackburnand barbara blackburn

MEANWHILE IN THE BACK ROOM...

oh no -- don’t

look to DAVE!

he’s not there

to HELP Ya.

you BOOSTED

the LEXUS and

decided to TOOL

AROUND in it

with DIRTY TAGS!

NOW YOU OWN UPTO IT¡¡

GAAAA¡¡ it’s a STICK. \

can’t get it out of

SECOND GEAR!!

dammit, bob!

\ TOLD you to

SWAP OUT

those PLATES!!

uht, uht, uht...

no HELP from

the STANDS, folks.

now yer only pullin’

ONE BAR on yer

CELLPHONE out

at the CEMENT

PLANT, dave --

yer CALL DROPS.

bob -- the CARTEL CRUISER rolls RIGHT UP on yer HIND SIDE!!

it’s sportin’ a REINFORCED RAMMIN’-PROD on its front bumper

and is loaded down with FAT MEN and ASSAULT RIFLES!!

yer PUNCHIN it but he has NO PROBLEM givin you a little LOVE-TAP

on your BACK BUMPER jess as yer crossin’ the FETZ-KIRBY BRIDGE.

and make a DRIVER

CHECK at -20%to see if you

maintain control.

crap! \ knew this

PRE-PAID no-contract

phone was

TOO good a deal...

shoot! \

MISSED it

by FIVE

points!

ut oh... and

you were

going

HOW FAST...?

�� “b.a., \ ACT like \ ACCEPT his APOLOGY all SINCERE like. as soon as he TURNS to walk away

\ STAB him in the back!! oh, yeah. \ PRAY to my gawd before \ stab him. do \ get any BONUSES?”

—Bob Herzog KODT Issue #82, One-Two Punches

bob’s gone

SOLO - he

DOES this alone.git off the

MAIN DRAG, dude.

hit those BACK

STREETS!!

and KEEP

tryin’ to

CALL me

back!

not gonna

WARN ya,

AGAIN!

-shooka-

-shooka

mark off FOUR CHASIS

POINTS from the LEXUS

nice going, bob - we send you to

SCOPE OUT the “CLANDESTINES”

and “LAY LOW” and you STEAL

of their LYNCHPIN’s RIDE?

he LEFT the

KEYS in the

ignition. alright?

it was a

frickin’ LEXUS.

you heard the man.

FULLY LOADED.

with PRIVACY

GLASS and FRONT

HEATED SEATS!!

what was \

GONNA do...?

oh, \ dunno -- LEAVE IT..?!!

and DO the job we

SENT you to do..?

CASE THIER BASE OF OPERATIONS.

dude, does it

have a rear

MP3 PLAYER?

you MIND...?

\’m a LITTLE

BUSY at

the MOMENT.

5

�� “yeah, well, they tried to cash in on that ONE-LEGGED DWARF craze last summer.

\ think they took some MAJOR hit points with that ONE-LEGGED HOBBIT release.”

—Pete Ashton, Bundle of Trouble #101, Takin’ Care of Business

alright, hoss - you go SHOOTIN’

out ’cross the OPPOSIN’ LANE

only to CLIP a GARBAGE TRUCK --

then BOUNCE back two lanes and

PUNCH THROUGH the GUARD RAILIN’

them AIR BAGS on

the steering wheel,

dash and SIDE

PANELS go OFF!!

GAAAAA¡¡¡

\’m goin’

in the RIVER?!!

crap - \ didn’t

put any POINTS

into SWIMMIN’.

hold on -- lucky for you the car

HANGS on the rail and doesn’t go off..

it jess sorta BOTTOMS OUT as

the FRONT WHEELS hang over

the edge and the TRANNY hits

HARD against the PAVEMENT.

\ DROP the MAGAZINE

from my BRUNI and

slap in a NEW ONE!yer drivin’

BLIND as

you HEAD

over the

SIDE!

ut oh,

SCRAPS is

in TROUBLE.

we’re gonna

have to GO in.

a BRUNI?

little LIGHT

isn’t it?

holy

crap!

well THIS operation sure

went SOUTH in a hurry.

crutch, \’ve been HANGIN’

back in the VAN with the

GIRLS -- do \ SEE

bob get RUN off the road?

if \ do, \’m

GUNNIN’ it and

comin’ in HOT!!

if’n there’s

another

FIRE FIGHT

\ ain’t

MISSIN’

this ONE!

sure -- \ ‘pose

you SEE a bunch’a

SPARKS and a few

STREET LIGHTS up

ahead SWAYIN’when

he HITS that rail.

just SIT TIGHT.

gonna TAKE

you a FEW

rounds to

arrive.

a wee bit later...

patty yer HIP is SHATTERED

by the SHOT GUN blast --

you TRY to crawl under the VAN and

FIND some cover but the THUG with

the CREW CUT and “BON JOVI” tattoo

is WALKIN’ toward where you LIE.

he EJECTS two empty 12 gauge

shells and you can hear the PLUMP,

PLUMP of two new ones being

DROPPED in the barrels as he DRAGS

on the cigar clenched in his teeth.

\ TOSS my jammed piece

and pull out my STILETTO.

takin’

AIM here!

\’m standin’ on the OVER TURNED van to get

some HEIGHT to see over those OTHER cars...

\ should be able to get a REAL GOOD

BEAD on this guy -- even though \’m

QUICK AIMIN’ \ should have an

OVERALL to-hit modifier of +1 still.

\ dumped a

BUTTLOAD of points

into SNIPER FIRE

and MEDITATION.

\ can actually STOP

my heart from

BEATING for TWO

SECONDS to get

BETTER AIM when

USING a SCOPE.

\ dunno about

THAT hoss...

yer BLEEDIN’ from a

HEAD WOUND from the

IMPACT into the BACK

of that 18 wheeler.

not to MENTION

there’s SMOKE

drifting in

from the

BURNIN’ LEXUS..

and \ don’t RECALL

anything in these

here BOOKS about

“MEDITATION” and

“HEART BEATS” or

any of THAT nonsense?

you got

a PAGE

NUMBER?

the doors -- they get all PINCHED UP

between them BUSTED SUPPORTS by

the way - good luck trying to OPEN ‘EM.


�� “you LOCKED HIM in the LINEN CLOSET?? dude,

that won’t do. we need him!! who’s gonna run the game??”

—Bob Herzog, Bundle of Trouble #9, Holodeck Not Needed

“NONSENSE...?” hey -- now LOOK here.

\ PUMPED six building points into GETTIN’ that.

but it wouldn’t be in your BOOKS.

\ PULLED the rule from a copy

of HACKJOURNAL AUSTRALIA - issue 32.

NORMAN BOWZER, the designer

of CRIME NATION gave it his BLESSIN’

sorry, pete. if it ain’t in

my HAND -- it ain’t a

RULE. not at MY table.

say what..? \ don’t

have the ISSUE.

not WITH ME.

but \’m tellin’ ya

as ONE

GM to

ANOTHER.

it’s OFFICIAL!!

you can

BANK on it.

show me the RULE.

or we’re MOVIN’ on.

patty TAUGHT

me that.

gonna be

a -4 on

that shot.

a wee bit later still

SHEILA, you take a SHOT

to the SHOULDER -- it SPINS

you AROUND real good and

RUINS your shot -- it goes

off WILD into the FLOOR.

but yer

KEVLAR did

its job -

no WOUND.

after LOBBING flamin’ BOTTLES of DOMINICAN HOOCH into those

SHIPPING CONTAINERS and givin’ the “ALL CLEAR” sign - the GUARDS

sent down to FERRET you out on the DOCKS split up and start

MOVING up and down between the REST of them CONTAINERS.

they POKE about a

bit and are JESS

drawin’ CLOSE

to your HIDIN’

SPOT when you hear

one of their HEAD

SETS start to

CRACKLE and HISS

with ORDERS.

and JESS that

quick them BOYS

pull back and

HEAD BACK

to the FREIGHTER.

whew -- that was close.

CRUTCH, \’m moving to a

BETTER position - CAREFULLY.

\’ll throw

TRISH over my

shoulder and

CARRY her with me.

thanks, sara.

\’ll SLING my

AK-47 and COVER

our backs with

my GLOCK.

applying

ADRENALINE

here!

bob - a LITTLE HELP would be nice.

\ THOUGHT you HAD MY BACK.

that FORK LIFT DRIVER

jacked me in the FACE.

he needed to be DEALT with.

look - if you’re

NOT gonna have my

BACK - just

SAY so. alright?

MOMENTS LATER...

dave, the guy on you SHOVES his knife up in yer RIB CAGE.

he TWISTS the blade and SHOVES the palm of his

OTHER hand up against your JAW and PUSHES -- as

if he’s tryin’ to DRIVE it right up into your SKULL.

patty, one of them GUARD DOGS has picked up

the SCENT of your BLOOD TRAIL and

finds you HIDING among the PACKING CRATES.

oh dear - and \’m

out of SHELLS.

GAAA!! GEEZ...

\ HEAD BUTT him

and KNEE his groin!

\ rolled a

THREE on

CLEARIN’ this

JAM, crutch!

7

okay folks..

let’s take FIVE.

\ need a

SMOKE.

and will you PLEASE SIT UP -- don’t SLOUCH.

at least ACT like you’re taking an INTEREST.

leemee alone.

my CHARACTER

needs some

“ALONE” time.

oh great -- THIS

is what \ LOVE.

COUPLES

workin’ out

thier ISSUES

at the TABLE.

HE needs a SMOKE...?

\ need a

GOOD

THERAPIST.

or a RIDE

to the

TRAUMA

CENTER.

don’t ask, ME.

ask, HER!!

she’s RUNNIN’

my CHARACTER

apparently.

oh, bob - STOP!!

TAKE THE SHOT.

\ was JUST pointing out that firing

SIDE-WAYS all GANGSTA style might

look GREAT in the movies

but makes for piss-poor ACCURACY.

fine --

whatever.

so NICE

for

EVERYBODY.

FINALLY...

well... what’s it

going to BE bob?

you gonna MAKE

your ATTACK roll?

you got a

CLEAR shot

on this guy

as he’s KICK-

IN’ in the

BAY DOORS.

sara, the fella on YOU, spits out a few broken teeth

and blood from the WHACKIN’ you gave ‘im with that

pair of BOLT CUTTERS -- he comes RIGHT back at ya.

he’s pulled off his MOTORCYCLE CHAIN BELT

and has it wrapped around one HAMBONE FIST.

not so fast, pete.

you attempt to make it through

the FIRE door but ol’ BOILER

GUT grabs you by the scruff

of the neck and HEAVES

you back a good 15 feet.

that sends you

SMASHING into

a PILE of

MACHINE PARTS.

mark off

ELEVEN

points of

damage,

hoss.

-shooka-

-shooka

patty, the dog chomps down

on a blood vessel. take off 5

points EVERY round.

hang in there

PATTY.

\ swing the

BOLT CUTTERS

again, this time

for his EYES!

\ take ONE last desperate

swipe with my knife.

gonna try to

get to ya!


�� “\ didn’t do ANYTHING to her. well, um, \ guess \ DID have her THRASHED with a

BUGGY WHIP… oh, and \ BURNED down her new GUNSHOP. her and B.A.

got all BENT out of shape about it. like they took it PERSONAL or something.”

—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #108, Home Court Advantage

say -- looks like your little

RECRUITING EFFORT really

did the TRICK, patty. CONGRATS!

FULL TABLE huh...?

so, HOW’S

it GOING

in there...?

\ wouldn’t

have a CLUE,

sweetheart.

\’ll ask

her LATER.

when we’re “JELLO WRESTLING”...

and EXCHANGING stories from

our DAYS in women’s penitentiary.

j-jello

wrestling...?

what

the...

there’s PATTY

and TRISH --

go ahead -

ASK them how

it’s GOING.

meanwhile...

oh gawd...

it’s KILLIN’ ME!!

\’m DYIN’ to

know what’s

HAPPENIN’

in there.

yeah, you

and me BOTH --

ooo... looks

like they’re

takin’ a BREAK!!

okay. leave

it to me.

HEY,

GIRLS!!

oh...

huh...?

it’s YOU...

it’s

GOING.

yeah...?

how

‘bout some

DETAILS...?

\’d LOVE to chat, b.a.

really -- but \ have

to go FEED the meter.

\, um, \ wouldn’t want

‘em to TOW AWAY

my “GYPSY WAGON”.

was it some-

thing \ SAID?

The Cold Shoulder by jolly r. blackburn

THAT’S FIVE

MINUTES, PEOPLE!!

IF’IN yer LATE..? -

|’M LOCKIN’ THE DOOR!

whoah... is it my IMAGINATION...

or did PATTY just EXTEND

me the COLD SHOULDER...?

z

\ can’t

STAND it.

yeah.

a few moments later.

\ hear yer

playin’ CRIME...

but you

KNOW what?hroop?

9

�� “yeah, BINK was a bit of a WUSS. remember that time

\ he got killed trying to milk a GOAT? -snicker-

—Brian Van Hoose, Bundle of Trouble #25, A Frolicking Good Time

DAMMIT, BOB! just WHAT

in the HELL do you THINK

you were doing in THERE...?!!

no sooner did the TRUCK

roll into the DOCK then you

decide to go all JACK

SPARROW on us and go in

SOLO with GUNS ABLAZING!

no -- what you DID was blow TWO

HOURS of CAREFUL PLANNING

and BY-THE-COUNT execution!!

just to POINT WHORE a few E-PEES

for yourself and GLORY HOUND

Lone Wolf on a Leash by jolly r. blackburnand barbara blackburn

meanwhile in the BREAK ROOM...

huh...?

whadda

ya mean...?

you didn’t STICK

to the frickin’ PLAN!

you know -- MAINTAINING

silence and staying POSITIONED in

the EMPTY SHIPPING CONTAINERS.

until \ gave the SIGNAL...?

oh,

that. yeah...

THAT¡¡

the “PLAN” was to

HOLD our fire til

the CLANDESTINES had

started LOADING the

HOOCH - REMEMBER...?!!

so we could

take THEM

out as WELL

as thier

SUPPLIER!

heh, that

was frickin’

COOL, dude.

\ saw an

ATTACK of

OPPORTUNITY.

\ SEIZED it.

point whore?

\ TOOK one

for the

TEAM!

to the

tune of

TWELVE

DAMAGE!

for the “TEAM”

shya-right.

you TIPPED the GANG off to

the AMBUSH before they were

even CLOSE to the KILL ZONE!!

then when you were REPELLED

you LEAD them back to OUR

position bringing us UNDER FIRE.

TOTAL WASH!! that CARTEL-PACIFICA

FREIGHTER broke its MOORINGS and

slipped away still FULLY LOADED.

you BLEW

everything.

hey, it wasn’t a TOTAL

WASH -- \ took out

that FORKLIFT operator.

he’s

right -

he did.

ah, c’mon, shee. \ was just PLAYIN’ my CHARACTER

for CRYIN’ OUT LOUD. why you on my case?

SCRAPS LOMBARDI is a LONE WOLF OPERATIVE!

he’s used to acting

ALONE outside any formal

COMMAND STRUCTURE.

not to

mention

he’s

HEAD-

STRONG

and

IMPULSIVE!

just STICK

to the

PLAN.

ALRIGHT?

and ANOTHER

thing, “SCRAPS”

what HAPPENED

to the FIFTY

CREDITS \ LOANED

you to buy

BODY ARMOR?

you WOULDN’T have taken all

that WALKING-DAMAGE from

ASSAULT RIFLE FIRE is you’d

been WEARING matching

KEVLAR TRENCH COATS

like the REST of US instead of

a WIFE-BEATER TEE and JEANS.

\ DUMPED that

money into HAIR

PRODUCT and BLING

-- to BUMP up my

PRESENCE factor.

WHAT?

and NO

MORE

joyrides.


�� “anyway, othello’s a FIFTH LEVEL CLERIC now. other than the USUAL good quirks to

be found in any HENCHMAN, namely LOW SELF-ESTEEM and GULLIBLE, he is also a GLUTTON.

don’t tease him about his weight, though, because he’s REALLY SENSITIVE about it.”

—Stevil Van Hostile, KODT Issue #82, Alas Poor Raven

\’m um...

\ gotta go

see a MAN

about a

HORSE.

we gotta

be BACK

in FIVE.

hrrmpphph --

\ gotta HIT

the can myself

and GRAB a soda.

we’re not DONE with

THIS conversation, bob.

BOB...¿¡¡

well...? you got

SOMETHING to

say about it...?

\ didn’t

THINK so.

how ‘bout givin’ the poor guy

some SLACK on that leash, GURLY?

let the man BREATHE a

little for KRYSSAKES!!

EXCUSE ME...?

\ jess can’t

HOLD my

tongue

any longer.

DAMMIT,

SHEE...

just INVEST in a

TRENCH COAT -- alright?

they ALSO retain

BODY HEAT -- you KNOW

you have a LOW CON.

you’re gonna

CATCH a BAD COLD!

sizzlin’

HORSE

FAT...

look -- \’m WORKIN’

toward becoming

a “MADE MAN”

HELLO! my class..? \ can’t

wear a GANG UNIFORM

or COLORS -- \’m LONE WOLF!!

not to MENTION wearin’ BODY

ARMOR is a DING to RESPECT.

he’s got a

POINT there.

-5 to be exact.shut up,

DAVE.

and MADE MEN

don’t do ARMOR!

WHAT...¿¡¡\ didn’t

SAY

anything...

it’s a

MARK of

WEAKNESS

and a SIGN

of FEAR.

let the MAN

run his

CHARACTER!!

yep --

“EYEBEAMS OF

EMASCULATION”.

they

pretty

much

NAILED it.

11

�� “\ eat PAIN for BREAKFAST!!” —Newt Forager KODT Issue #82, Alas Poor Raven

crutch don’t WAIT

for NO ONE...

moments later...

oh, bob...

dave...

how’s it

GOING...?

say, b.a....

you got TWO

BUCKS \ can

BORROW?

for the VENDING

MACHINES?

yeah!!

me too.

we don’t

have TIME

to hit an ATM.

oh.. no.

sorry.

\’m all

TAPPED OUT.

but HEY...

how’s the

GAME going

in there...?

it’s frickin’ BRUTAL!!

\ BURNED THROUGH three characters.

\ had to OFF

myself by jumpin’

out a WINDOW!

GEEZUS...

THAT BAD,

huh?

well, \’m

SORRY GUYS.

he IS just

starting out.

BAD..¿¡¡¡ what are ya

TALKIN’ ABOUT...?!!

IT’S AWESOME¡¡¡

CRUTCH

is a

KICK

ASS, GM!!

speakin’ of which,

we gotta GO!!

wait, guys

how about a

few more de....

sorry, b.a.

NO TIME...

catch you

LATER.

wait... did they say,

“AWESOME...?”

hey, ya

GUYS!!

\ JUST paid

off my

COUNTER TAB.

three

characters?

yeah, \’m on my

SECOND GUY myself.

one of my guys got

BEAT with a LOG CHAIN

and SET ON FIRE after

being CAUGHT by the

“AVENUES” and

TORTURED to GIVE

up my HOMIES.

in the FIRST hour!!

\ got HEAD SHOT

for askin’ the

“WRONG QUESTIONS.” what ELSE

could you

have done?

he LOCKS

the DOOR!!did \ just

fall down a

RABBIT HOLE...?

The Beat Goes On... by jolly r. blackburnand barbra blackburn

the FAT MAN is on you

like STINK on a monkey, BOB.

you fire a SLUG in his chest but it

doesn’t even SLOW ‘im down, HOSS

-- he WRESTLES the gun

from your GRIP and TOSSES it.

he RAISES the

TIRE IRON in his

RIGHT HAND

and BASHES

the SIDE of

your FACE in.

GAAA¡¡¡ -sputter- he’s

got it IN for me -- h-he’s

got it IN for me BAD!!!

h-he’s STILL

ALIVE? how

can that DUDE

still be WALKING?

\ BURN

off my LUCK

POINTS to

execute a

CINEMATIC

ESCAPE!

yer CRIT-OUT-OF-LUCK, hoss.

FATS here is a “MADE-MAN”. luck

don’t WORK against MADE-MEN.

he’s gonna EXPEND four points

of RESPECT to put a little “HURT”

on yer ass -- seein’ how you

OFFED his dog and STOLE

his car he’s pretty RILED UP.

he’s steppin’ into

HOMICIDAL RAGE.

oh dear, FREE

ATTACK city.

GAAA!!

\’m goin’

for the gun.

he hits ya AGAIN with the TIRE IRON, bob

and then he goes ON HITTING YA!!

you jess wannit to STOP -- but it

JUST keeps comin’ and comin’ -- he

keeps BASHING, and BASHING and BASHING

til yer head and SCALP turn to GOO!

you PRAY for it

to STOP -- only it

don’t stop, hoss.

you PLEAD for it to

END, but when you

look up into

those soulless

eyes ROLLED back in

their SOCKETS as

he SWINGS on ya...

you REALIZE he’s

ENJOYIN’ it too

much -- yer

BEGGIN’ is like

FUEL in his CARB.

even after you

PASS OUT the SICK

BASTARD still

goes on HITTIN’ ya.

just for GIGGLES.

oh... um, dave -- \ RECON yer

at the TOP of the STAIRS by

now -- you PEEK in the window

and see FATS, -- shirtless

and SOAKED in blood standin’

over yer little BUDDY over there.

LATER...

three rounds later...

he LOOKS up and

sees ya and GRINS.

you can

PROBABLY

pop a SHOT

off ‘fore

he GETS

to you.

shya... SCREW

THAT!! \’m

RUNNIN’

back DOWN

the STAIRS!!

hey! what

GIVES...?!!

\’m NOT DEAD, you IDIOT!!

\’m just BLEEDING OUT - get

back here and TAKE that guy out.

DUDE -- you

shot him

FIVE TIMES!

he’s right.

yer as GOOD as

gone as far his

CHARACTER knows.

c’mon! \ can

pull through!

whoah, now

HOLD up, CRUTCH.

\ can’t sit IDLY

by and watch

a fellow PC

go dOWN due

to a BAD RULING.

bad call...? what’cha

talkin’ about, PETE?

that bit about MADE MEN bein’

IMMUNE to LUCK. that rule CHANGED.

it’s an OPPOSED ROLL -- HIS

luck against BOB’s here.

opposed

roll? \ don’t

recall THAT

in the BOOKS.

oh, that’s

right -- it

was in the

ERRATTED

2nd printing.

there!!

ya SEE?

SHE

KNOWS!!

-gulp-




—Pete Ashton, Bundle of Trouble #101, Takin’ Care of Business

13

�� “we were just CHARACTER SNIPING!! that’s all. we ALWAYS sign up for events and KILL OFF the

other players. makes the TIME go by quicker between the HACKMASTER EVENTS and one of US is always

GUARANTEED to win so we can split any PRIZES!” —Dave Bozwell, Bundle of Trouble #18, A Question of Honor

yeah, well...

\ ain’t GOT no “ERRATTED”

printing from the LOOKS of it.

and you know how \ RUN

my table. if’in a RULE

ain’t in my HAND...?

we ain’t

USIN’ it.

OH C’MON¡¡

THAT’S NOT FAIR¡¡

let it go, bob.

HIS TABLE.

HIS RULES.

this SUCKS!!

SCRAPS had his

FIVE KILLS in.

\ was ON my

way to bein’

a MADE MAN.

sorry to get

your hopes

up, buddy.

-sigh-

too bad ya

don’t have a

COPY of the

BOOK to give ‘im.

wait -- pete...!!!

actually, YOU DO!!

huh...? what’s that?

you’ve got a

CRIME NATION 3RD PRINTING

-- out front under glass!!

\ was actually going to

BUY it when \ HEARD what

we were playing today --

say

what?

and it has

the RULE

in it?

GORDO brought a

copy in last year...

to sell on CONSIGNMENT.

hot damn - so what

are we waitin’ for?

let’s go GET it!

whoah, hold

yer horses.

that book is in

PRISTINE CONDITION.

still in its ORIGINAL

shrink wrap from 1994.

it’s a COLLECTIBLE -

we just can’t POP it

and CREASE the spine.

the HELL

we can’t.

sorry,

bob.

it’s not

even MY

book.

eh...‘fraid not, bob -- sorry.

\’d need to SEE the rule.

and just so you KNOW...

the game’s movin’

into REAL TIME.

yer BLEEDIN’ OUT as

we TALK -- mark

off two more points.

GAAA¡¡

that PUTS

me at

MINUS four!!

like we said -

good as dead,

bob. let it go.

-snap-

huh...?

but the FIFTY

DOLLAR price

tag put me off.

fifty

bucks?!!

mother,

mary,

joseph...

YER

RIGHT!!

CRUTCH...¡¡¡

you said you

needed the

RULE in yer hand?

if \ just BROUGHT

you the book?

-- to HOLD.

would that work?


�� “the kid’s not USUALLY that TREACHEROUS. hmmrrff! never underestimate the

LURE of a CASE OF SNAPPLE.” —Pete Ashton, Bundle of Trouble #17, Bad to the Gnome

PETE!! -- dude, c’mon!!

you gotta pull out that BOOK.

\ still have a CHANCE here!!

sorry bob. FAT chance of that.

lessin you wanna BUY it.

BUY IT¿¡¡

SHEE¡¡

give me some PLASTIC...!!

excuse me?

YOUR CREDIT CARD¡¡

\ gotta BUY

that book!!!

-sputter-

WHAT...?

you wanna blow

FIFTY BUCKS?

NO BOB...¡¡

no way...

bob -- it’s JUST

not in the BUDGET.

PLEASE!! \’m

BEGGIN’ ya, shee.

REALLY...?

aaah,

THANKS, baby

hey..?

where’d

he go...?

\’d hate

to lose,

SCRAPS,

pete.

\ ain’t got

FIFTY BUCKS!!

g

no LET

GO OF ME!!c’mon...

PLEASE

it WOULD be

a SHAME to

see SCRAPS

taken out.

he’s got

a 17 DEX!

oh now

DON’T give

me that

LOOK...

-whimper-

-sigh- alright...

but it’s

COMING out

of your

ALLOWANCE.

YER THEBEST¡¡

well... okay, BIG SPENDER.

\’ll give ya

TWO MINUTES to

get BACK HERE before..

15

�� “okay \ lay it on THICK! \ tell this guy all the WONDROUS and INCREDIBLE things about KNU’KYLE

RA! \ explain the many PERKS of being a follower and \ EMBELLISH some of the finer details

to really make it look like a GOOD PACKAGE. don’t forget, \ get a plus 2 modifier for him being

a HALF ORC and another plus 3 cos he’s DRUNK!” —Bob Herzog, Bundle of Trouble #17, New Approaches

HAAAAA¡¡

\ got this!!

PAYDEN always DELIVERS

under PRESSURE!!

oh hey, bob.

how’s the GAME goin’?

no time

to TALK.

RING ME UP¡¡

oh... this CARD’S not

in your name, bob.

\’m not sure

\’m AUTHORIZED to..

just RUN THE

CARD - alright?

I’M BLEEDING OUT IN THERE¡¡¡

oh... well.

if it’s

an EMERGENCY.

THERE!!

-pant- -pant- you GOT it...

NOW CAN WE ROLL...¿¡¡

well.. looks

GOOD to me.

\ suppose.

yeah. we’re good.

no, this is a

job for

PAYDEN BLUE.

awww. \’m sorry bob.

and not to rub SALT

IN THE WOUND

it’s STILL

coming out of

yer allowance.

meanwhile...

...only the DWARF - he wasn’t

HAVIN’ none of it you see.

coz from where HE

was from they didn’t

BELIEVE in REZZIN’ the dead.

coz YOU know, “the

FATES have SPOKEN.”

heh -- so WHERE

did that leave ME?

fortunately my PACK

BEARER had my BACK and...

SLAAAAM

¡¡¡

oh... okay.

sure.

quickly!

quickly!

KA-CHAING¡¡

-pant-

-pant-

better get

one of your

NAMED dice out

for this one.

\’d go with

SLAZENGER 7.

moments later...

okay... looks like

a SEVEN is the

NUMBER to beat, hoss.

let’s SEE

what yer

MADE of!!

good luck,

bob..

you can

do it!!

shake them

BONES!!

one for the

BARDS, baby!

don’t

CHOKE,

shakey-

cakes

-shooka-

-shooka-

one roll later...

-whimper-


no worries, hoss.

you can SUBSCRIBE to KODT

and load up on BACK ISSUES

and other KENZERCO products

at www.kenzerco.com.

HROOO!!

http://www.kenzerco.com/index.php?cPath=22_23_30


http://www.kenzerco.com/index.php?cPath=22_23

Section 5 by jolly r. blackburn

ya know -- \ got

some of those

GELATINOUS

ICE-CUBE TRAYS

back in stock.

\ can make you

a DEAL if you...

well that’s odd. \ just

RENEWED my membership...

not two weeks ago.

no worries - probably

a COMPUTER GLITCH is all.

thanks,

pete.

a few days later...

it’s

been like

this ALL

day.

\’ll say.

ISN’T IT

GREAT...?!!

-sigh- \ sort’a

REGRET not

gettin’ in when

\ had a CHANCE.

HOLY

MOLY!!

you sure

seem BUSY,

PETE!!

nice for you! so, what’s the OCCASION...?

did you get a shipment of NEW PRODUCT in...?

naaa -- CRUTCH is runnin’ his GAME TODAY.

apparently, FOLKS are comin’ in to

see what all the FUSS has been about.

well, THAT

and hopin’ to

WRANGLE a

SEAT in

the game.

heh -- FAT

CHANCE of that.

no kiddin’...?

never seen anything like it - \ ain’t

had a GM with his sort of DRAW since

patty ran her POWERPUFF GIRL RPG...

but that was a

COSPLAY-LARP.

but at LEAST

\ SCORED this

LAST COPY of

HACKTOGRAPHER.

you got LUCKY -- \ took it with

me as READING MATERIAL while

doin’ my BUSINESS a few months

ago -- must’ve FALLEN behind the

HOT WATER heater

when SQUIRRELY was MOPPIN’ up.

MREEP¡

huh...?

whoah -- says here it was DECLINED, b.a.

DECLINED...?!!

\’ll just

CALL it in.

\ really can’t

AFFORD IT -

but no WAY

\’m walking

out of here

without it.

that is one

HARD to FIND

book -- it’s been

out of PRINT

for MONTHS!

jess

FOUND

it this

morning.

eeew...

\’m gonna use the

POINTS on my HMA

CARD toward the

PURCHASE, pete.

sure thing.

ring me up!

17

�� “well, to be honest he WAS a bit DISTRACTED. just BEFORE his FATEFUL ENCOUNTER he had the

GREAT MISFORTUNE to TUMBLE down a SLIDING CHUTE right into a NEST of VORACIOUS GROIN

LEECHES! understandably, he was in a bit of a HURRY to shed his ARMOR and administer FIRST

AID. that’s when the LURKER made his move.” —Cody Winkle, Bundle of Trouble vol. 19, Ready, Set, Bet


�� “RIGHT! and APPARENTLY brian’s not the ONLY one to know about the CENTERS FOR

DISEASE CONTROL’S online DATABASE. any MORON with a modem can access that

INFORMATION. and SOMEBODY forgot to mention CROANER’S DISEASE requires

a PROLONGED hospital stay.” —Bob Herzog, Bundle of Trouble vol. 23, And Then the Other…

that’s right.

the LAST FOUR

are 9-8-7-6...

sorry, b.a. \

HATE to do this...nothin’ PERSONAL, son.

apparently your

card’s been FLAGGED.

M-MY CARD¡¡¡

what the HELL...?!!

moments later.

and that’s on a

GAMEMASTER

SILVER ACCOUNT.

\ beg yer

PARDON...?

REALLY?

um, squirrely.

we got a

SEIZE and

DESTROY

here.

hroo!

hroo!

hroo!

seize and

destroy?

-snip-

-snippity-

-snip--snip-

HEY¡¡¡

something

about a

“SECTION 5.”

“SECTION 5”...?

firp -- \ don’t

even KNOW

what that is!

\ don’t understand -- my HACKMASTER ASSOCIATION

record is UNBLEMISHED -- you know that, pete!

other than a few CAMPAIGN AUDITS - it’s SPOTLESS.

if’n you say so, b.a.

so --will you be paying

CASH TODAY then??

\ don’t HAVE

the cash.

can you HOLD

it for me..?whoah...

section 5?

\ didn’t mean to pry - but

what did you DO, b.a...?

that’s pretty SERIOUS.

huh...? oh -

hey, GORDO.

i-it IS...?

that’s a “HABITUAL OFFENDER” tag

on HARD EIGHT’S online forums!!

NITRO got SLAPPED with one of those years back.

what? that’s NUTS!

it’s gotta be some

sort of mistake!

damn, b.a. \ never

took you for

a TROUBLE MAKER.

ya know, \ HEARD there

WAS an OPEN REVOLT on

the BOARDS last weekend.

gosh, b.a. - you

weren’t MIXED UP

with that were ya...?

coz \’d HATE to be IMPLICATED. rumor has it

the MODERATORS are tryin’ to FERRET out

all the RING LEADERS and INSTIGATORS.

but \’m

a MODEL

online citizen.

\’m INNOCENT!

\ ASSURE you.

hmmm. COLLATERAL

DAMAGE maybe...?

ever since the EDITION WARS it’s a

good idea to be CAREFUL about the

COMPANY you keep on the boards.

-chomp-

-chew-

-munch- uh oh...

play it

COOL.um, do

\ need to

UNFRIEND

you...?

well, sure.

19

*See Knights of the Dinner Table #197: B.A. gets banned for reviving a dead thread on the Hard 8 forums after Brian has beenpushing an issue and using B.A.’s IP address to flaunt board rules.

wait a minute...

\ DID get

slapped with

a 90-day ban...

GORDO’s right, b.a. you probably

just got SWEPT UP in the net

with the RABBLE ROUSERS.

eh -- just file an

APPEAL -- \ can

help you with

the PAPERWORK.

hey, GORDO. -munch-

what’s up, with you?

oh - not much.

came down

hopin’ to

get a SEAT in

CRUTCH’S

GAME.

yeah? -- good

luck with THAT!

\’ve talked

to EVERYBODY.

ain’t nobody BUDGIN’!!

and \’ve been offerin’

COLD HARD CASH and

HAND PAINTED MINIS.

it’s my fault.

\ had a CHANCE

to sign up.

\ OPTED out.

well, \ ain’t

givin’ up.

not YET!!

-chomp-

-chew-

-munch-

*-chomp-

-chew-

-munch-

hey!! here comes PATTY and TRISH!!

must be getting CLOSE to game time.

oh cool.

\ was hopin’

to have a

WORD

with patty.

huh...?

P-PATTY...?!!

ah -- \ was

HOPING for

a chance to

RESUME

our DANCE.

DANCE...?!!the artful

‘dance’ of the

DEAL, guys.

haggling!

they both DECLINED my initial

offer -- but they’re dealing with

the MASTER OF PERSUASION!!

um, you got a

little FRUIT

PIE on yer

chin, there,

FRED

ASTAIRE.

\ do...?

-smack-

-smack-

afternoon, girls...

my... but y-yer

both lookin’...

LOVELY t-today...

oh... hi, brian.

thanks.

sweet of

you to say.-wheeze-

say, \ was w-wonderin’ if

-wheeze- you might RECONSIDER

givin’ up yer... -wheeze- s-s-seat.

sorry, brian.

the ANSWER

is still NO!

o-oh, but, um,

HEAR ME out...

w-what if \

were to t-throw

in a fa-free BUFF

COAT of -wheeze-

DURASHEEN and..

um... er...

EXCUSE ME,

LADIES..

\ need

a SODA.

yeah, sorry,

LOVE.

geezus,

it’s HOT

in here.

HAAR!!! “MASTER OF PERSUASION” my ass.

master of

EVASION, maybe.

poor, guy.

he DANCED

himself

right into a

SOAKING

WET MESS.

hey brian!

can you

GRAB me

a YOOHOO?!!


HEY!!!

there’s

CRUTCH!

oh - HEY’YA, CRUTCH!!

hey guys -- game time is

in TEN -- don’t be late.

coz SOON as \ hit the CAN and grab

a SMOKE - \’m lockin’ the doors!

oh snap!

we better

go, guys!

oh yeah,

baby...

let’s go.

thanks,

crutch!

we’re headed

that way.

good!

I’M BACKBAAY-BEE¡¡

now SOMEBODY

POINT me TO WHERE

THE ACTION IS...

\ don’t

think they’re

READY for

the two of us.

21

�� “boy, am \ steamed! bob could have PUT MY EYE OUT when he hurled that twenty-sider at me.

did you see the DENT it put in the wall?? and SARA… my OWN COUSIN. she actually held me down

while dave gave me an ATOMIC WEDGIE.” —B.A. Felton, Bundle of Trouble vol. 19, The Sympathy Ploy

oh - CRUTCH! \ put a couple ‘a

JUICE PACKS behind your SCREEN.

and some BLUE OX TERIYAKI BEEF JERKY.

oh.

thanks,

hoss.

\ NOTICED you

were chawin’

on some on

our RIDE

the other day.

HOT DAMN¡¡

GAME TIME!

squirrely...

MAN the

REGISTER!

hroo!

hey little fella -- give me a

PACK of those MARLBOROS.

\’ll take a couple of them PICKLED EGGS too.

oh, and some

PORK RINDS.

koo!

kroo!!

um, excuse me.

CRUTCH... sir?

huh...? oh...

hey, LUMPY.

the name’s BRIAN.

what’s on

yer mind..?

well, sir..., \ was

hopin’ to get a

SEAT in yer game.

word on the street

is yer running a

REAL interesting

game - \ want in!

sorry, LUMP.

game’s FULL up.

\ realize that...

but \ was hopin’

you’d make an exception.

if \ could just

SQUEEZE in...?

\’d consider it a...

full up means

FULL UP, hoss.

-sigh-

okay

then.

wow - you REALLY

want in that game.

you have

NO IDEA, b.a.

CRIME NATION

is my second love.

\ don’t think you understand.

\’m a HUGE CRIME NATION fan.

well -- make sure

yer NAME’s on the

WAITING LIST, LUMPY.

something

might

OPEN up.

zoh WOW!! a copy

of HACKTOGRAPHER!!

squirrely,

RING ME UP!!

Course Change by jolly r. blackburn

moments later...look -- CRUTCH caught us all FLAT FOOTED

last session -- \ don’t think ANY of us were

PREPARED for what he brought to the table.

oh he BROUGHT IT

alright --and THEN some.

my nerves were frazzled.

well -- \ think

we PLAYED

into his hands.

hell you got my vote.

what we were doing last

week sure didn’t work.

here’s the thing...

he BAITED us with the

CLANDESTINES - had

us playing THIER game.

this is a

GANG that

fought its

way TOOTH

and NAIL to

the TOP of

the heap in

BAY CITY.

they’re the DEFAULT bad guys in

the BOXED SET -- they’re

ACCUSTOMED to UPSTARTS like us

makin’ a PLAY against ‘em.

tryin’ to “SWEEP ‘EM AT THE

KNEES” by going after their

RACKETS and OPERATIONs

isn’t the way to go quite frankly.

we need to

play it

SMARTER.

anything beats

racking up a

BODY COUNT.

alliance?

now \ like

the SOUND

of that.

whoah! hold

on a

SECOND!

are you sayin’ we should ABANDON the PROGRESS we’ve

made DISRUPTIN’ the CLANDESTINE’S distribution network?

we lost a LOT of GOOD CHARACTERS tryin’to take

that HOOCH DEN last week - seemed like things could TIP.

not abandon, pete.

back burner it

for ANOTHER day.

she’s right.

we essentially

declared WAR

before we even

knew the POLITICAL

LANDSCAPE.

so who were

you thinkin’

of makin’ an

ALLIANCE with?

well... what

about the MEAT

LOCKER MAYHEMS..?

we haven’t had

BLOOD with them yet.

and word on the street

is they’re the MORTAL

ENEMIES of the clandestines.

ah -- so the

enemy of our

enemy is our friend?

let’s see how

good CRUTCH

is on his

feet when

we CHANGE

things up.

hey guys -- \

was HOPING we

could quickly

talk a bit about

STRATEGY.

before

CRUTCH

comes back.

well we don’t

have MUCH time

- what’s on yer

MIND, sara?

\ know, \ know.

SORRY - \ was

hoping to get

here SOONER. maybe we

should

CHANGE our

approach.

\ had post

traumatic

session disorder

for four days!

but THINK about it.

we’re

listening.

she’s makin’

sense guys.yeah.

you got

somebody

in mind?exactly.

we need to REBOOT and think SmALLER.

BAY CITY is a TOUGH PLACE to establish

a FOOTHOLD - let alone SURVIVE.

we need to establish a FOOTHOLD and

BUY enough time to get our WAR FOOTING.

we should FOCUS on going after some of

the OTHER struggling INDEPENDENTS.

corner a piece of THIER action.

or maybe

form some

ALLIANCES.


�� “hey, it wasn’t ALL magic driven! don’t forget EMBER BRIGHT made an AERIAL

LANCE-CHARGE against that BROWNIE. three points of SINUS CAVITY DAMAGE!! you just

KNOW he’s FEELING that. -snicker-” —Gordo Sheckberry, Bundle of Trouble vol. 23, Point Mongering

Into the Meat Locker by jolly r. blackburn

moments later still...

CRANKBOX

CADDY stares

HARD at ya.

like a

JUNKYARD

pitbull look-

in’ at

the CAT who

just LEAPT

over the

FENCE.

“you got some spit-chrome CAJONES hangin’ LARGE

to come SCURRYIN’ down to this side of the VIADUCT!!”“maybe you didn’t

see the TAG on

the WATER TOWER

on yer way in...

THIS IS MEATLOCKER MAYHEMTURF, DOG-BAIT¡¡

“um - w-we came not donnin’ our COLORS,

crankbox, s-sir. - as a show of RESPECT.

and with CHAMBERS empty and

MAGAZINES tucked in our boots.

we’re here

to talk.

\’ve got a

GRENADE crotched

- jess sayin’.

hrmmmph -- he’s lookin’ down

his NOSE at you, little sister.

like he don’t know if he

should POP a cap between

yer eyes or KICK dirt over

the STINK you DRUG in with ya.

“now what in

the HELL would

we have to

TALK about...?”

\ know yer STENCH --

yer the “SEVEN MATADORS”...

the CHUM-SACKS who’ve been

servin’ themselves up as TARGET

PRACTICE for the CLANDESTINES.

why you bring-

in’ your SORRY

ASS

problems to

my LOCKER?

yo CRUTCH!!

\’m checkin’ out

all the EXITS -

first sign of

TROUBLE \’m pullin’

the RING on this

GRENADE and goin’

JOHN WU all up

in this DUMP!

wow, patty -\’m impressed.

you’ve played, CRIME

NATION before \ take it.

no - \ used to

DATE a marine.

later as the “TALKS” unfold...

CRANK BOX CADDY is listenin’ to

LADY MCGYVER -- you seem to have his EAR.

and he ain’t lookin’ so ANGRY at the moment - least wise his

JAW’s stopped twitchin some and there’s less BLOOD in his eye.

but his lieutenant,

SPINE...?

he doesn’t look

like he’s buyin’ a

WORD you say.

he’s EYEBALLIN’

each and every one

of ya as that bottle

of ONE-EYED CROW

is passed around.

oh dear -- \ KNEW it.

\ FAILED my PERSUASION

CHECK against that one.

play it cool.

he’s not

callin’ the

shots here.

crank is.

and this

BETTER

be good.

hold on, PETE -- it’s just POSTURING.

he’s the ALPHA DOG here -- for the moment.

he’s just lookin’ for some

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of that from us.

there are RULES to THIS.

ut oh. not

liking this.

watch

that guy.

he’s

TROUBLE.

23

�� “hey ARTICULUS! nice SWING! does your HUSBAND fight too?

‘hey! \ came to see GLADIATORS, not FATTY-ATORS. hey B.A. am \ getting

any REACTION?” —Dave Bozwell, Bundle of Trouble vol. 21, Requiem for a Gladiator


�� “what the hell do you think those DISGRUNTLED HIRELING TABLES are for? huh? every

time you’re TOO HARD on one of the HIRELINGS, b.a. is over there ROLLING dice to BEAT THE

BAND. it’s like FEEDING a belt of AMMO to a MONKEY armed with a FIFTY CALIBER MACHINE GUN.”

—Brian Van Hoose, Bundle of Trouble vol. 24, The Dad Factor…

wait a minute...?

he’s eyeballin’ who..? ME?!!

TERRANCE BRICK the III

doesn’t TOLERATE that crap.

let it go, bob.

he’s BAITING you.

no.. he’s

frickin

siphonin’

my RESPECT

FACTOR.

oh you got

that right.

like a

SPONGE!

bob...

don’t

do it.

don’t

do what?

ain’t nobody

gonna

EYE BALL

terrance brick

and go

UNCHALLENGED!

\’m returnin’

the STINK EYE

back to this

SPINE-DUDE.

crutch,

does he

NOTICE...?!

oh yeah, - he notices. he looks to the REFRIGERATOR

who’s been standin’ behind ya and gives him, “THE NOD”.

ol’ STRAW DAWG takes the ALUMINUM baseball bat he’s been

cradlin’ in his arms and THROAT PUNCHES you with the END-GRIP.

you go DOWN on the GROUND on

all fours BARFIN’ up yer DENNY’S

breakfast burrito while SPINE

plants a BOOT on yer ASS and

sends you flyin’ FACE FIRST

into a PUDDLE of yer own SICK!

way to safe

guard your

“RESPECT”

factor

there, bob.

GAAA!

don’t \

get a

DEFENSE

roll...?

CRANKBOX leans

back in his MILK

CRATE THRONE

and PICKS at his

TEETH with an ICE PICK.

“alright... maybe

we CAN work together”...

“but FIRST”..?

“you gotta

earn TRUST.”

earn trust...? sure.

but um, how do we go about THAT?

by doin’ a little JOB for me.

\ wanna see what you’re

made of -- how you go

about gettin’ things done.

you

game?

oh..., sure,

we’re

game.

\ sure hope you

KNOW what you’re

doing, LADY MCGYVER.

trust me.

EASY

AS PIE!

famous

last words?

you make a

PLAY, dude,

\’ll BACK it.

don’t get

into a

PISSING

CONTEST

with this

GUY.

let sara’s plan FAIL on

its OWN before you MUCK

it all up -- alright?

\’m just PLAYIN’

my character!!

ewww.that probably

warrants a

RESPONSE.

easy,

bob...

they PATTED

us DOWN -

REMEMBER?

just put ‘im on

yer LIST of

ASSES TO KICK.

deal with

him LATER.

oh, he’s

goin on

my list!

nice! \

think we

just got a

FOOT in

the DOOR.

Drive Bye-the-Bye by jolly r. blackburn

seriously, PATTY? you

can’t spare ONE magazine?

you’ve got like SIX of ‘em.

sorry, TRISH.

this is why \

EMPHASIZED ‘proper’

provisioning

and PERSONAL

responsibility back

at the ICE HOUSE.

STURGIS HOWLER...?

heh - why even bother..?

you didn’t bring the

DESERT EAGLE \ bought you?

\ prefer the

STURGIS - alright?

don’t be an idiot. the .50 ammo

has FAR more STOPPING POWER.

that PEA SHOOTER’s gonna

BOUNCE right off that LEXAN GLASS.

are you THERE?

NO — YOU’RE NOT¡¡

will you just let me

RUN my character?

LATER THAT SAME NIGHT on the “JOB”...

bob, you take a ROUND

to the THIGH as you

attempt to RUN

across the street..

you DIVE

between those PARKED

CARS.

hitting the

PAVEMENT so

hard you’ll

be pickin’

ASPHALT out of

yer TEETH

for a WEEK!

meanwhile, a chromed-out cherry pink, LINCOLN CONTINENTAL.

careens around the CORNER at the end of the block.

two CLANDESTINE cleavers with MAC-10 SMG’s are

leanin’ out the side WINDOWS -- they SPRAY that bank of

NEWSPAPER RACKS with HOLLOW-POINT FIRE and ATTITUDE!

\ want DEFENSE

ROLLS from everyone

who was takin’ COVER

at that position!

CLANDESTINES¿¡¡

\ KNEW it!

those MEAT LOCKER

boys set our asses up!

GAAA!

another

drive-by!

crutch, BUTCH

LIGHTNING rolled

PERFECT DEFENSE!

\’m using my

FREE ACTION to

DIVE through the

FRONT WINDOW of

the DELICATESSEN!

jess bad luck all around, pete.

you ATTEMPT to climb the CHAIN LINK

fence in the ALLEY when yer old friend

the REFRIGERATOR catches UP with you.

he SHOVES his BASEBALL bat in the

GAPIN HOLE in your back left by

that SHOTGUN WOUND and turns

you into a MEAT-TURD ON A STICK

as he PRIES you loose from the FENCE.

meanwhile, that LINCOLN

has done a UU’EY and

is comin’ back around.

shovin’ a

GLOVE in

this WOUND!

CRUTCH - \’m standin’

DIRTY HARRY style in the

MIDDLE of the STREET

and assuming a

BRACED-WRIST

SHOOTING STANCE!

\’m poppin

a FULL clip

from my

STURGIS

HOWLER

into that

WINDSHIELD!

crap! g g

oh put

a SOCK

in it.

as the SNARE tightens...

reloading

here!!

sweet

gawd!!

crap!

well, \ don’t

see WHY.

well better

CONCEALMENT

factor for one.

not to

MENTION the

HOWLER

jams on a

ONE in six.

25

�� “guys, you don’t understand… \ actually got to PLAY for a change. \ played a GNOME

THIEF named GRIFT. \ picked locks, cut purses, raised hell… \ even kneed a BLACKSMITH in the groin!”

—B.A. Felton, Bundle of Trouble vol. 31, My Kingdom for a GameMaster


�� “he’s the most LOW-MAINTENANCE GAWD in the books. no tithes. no goofy fashion statements.

no symbols. no mandatory services or rituals. PRAY AND PLAY! what’s NOT to love about him?”

—Bob Herzog, Bundle of Trouble vol. 13, The GM Wanna-be

why are you

being DIFFICULT...?

\ thought AMMO

UNIFORMITY between

our CHARACTERS

would be the BEST...

dammit, shee.

we TALKED

about this --

you PROMISED.

-sigh- yer

right. we did.

fine. you

wanna

do STUPID?

go for it.

leave me

alone.

you wanna another

CHARACTER

SHEET, sweetheart?

you need

a moment.

\ understand.

tell me something,

LADY MCGYVER...

this plan is better

HOW exactly...?

whatta mean TAE SOO DO

is a SKILL PREREQUISITE

for HAW RANG DO...?

you mean \ WASTED 75 BP’s

on this crap and \ can’t use it?

SCREW IT¡¡

\ THROW my

EMPTY gun

at him and

RUN AWAY!

TRISH, yer peekin’ out the

AIR VENT on that SUPPLY

LOCKER you SQUIRRELED

yerself away in -- someone

JIGGLES the lock and tries

the door ‘fore walkin’ off.

just about the

TIME you think yer

home scot free,

you hear footsteps.

after emptyin’

a five gallon

can of

GASOLINE

in on ya, you

hear a ZIPPO

LIGHTER bein’

FLIPPED open.

you got the ol’ BEATER you jacked floored, sara. there’s so

much BLOOD slimin’ up the vinyl BENCH SEATS you and yer

POSSE are slidin’ BACK and FORTH as you TEAR through the

back streets tryin’ to make your way back to the ICE HOUSE.

pete, you reckon

that GRENADE took

out that PANEL

TRUCK that was on

yer ass -- there’s

hide nor hair of ‘em

out the shattered

BACK GLASS.

so a “traumatic

aortic rupture”...

that’s

survivable. right?

HAA! \ can’t

believe my luck!!

that LAST crit

was in the

SAME eye \

lost last week!

damn - \ KNEW

\ should’ve

invested in that

HOME BLOOD

TRANSFUSION

kit when \

had a chance.

\’ve been

GAMIN’

for a

LONG time,

ya know.

\ happen to

KNOW what

\’m doing.

-shooka--shooka-

you FLY over the

HOOD and BOUNCE

off the WINDSHIELD,

hoss as your

BUTT hits the

BACK of your head.

one CLIP later...

the LAST thing

to go through

your MIND is

the LINCOLN

HOOD ORNAMENT.

-whimper-

back in the ALLEY...

LATER...

droppin’ a

magazine

here! can we

SWING

back

by that

PAWN

SHOP?

we may have

to TWEAK a

few details.

is that a POLAROID..?

\ didn’t even think they

MADE those anymore?

\ got a good deal

on a HALF-PALLET of ‘em.

say - you want one?

\ can make

ya a good deal.

oh... no.

that’s

okay.

HEY!

what gives?

what’s with

goin’ all

PAPPARAZZI

on me, bro?

somethin’ NEW, \’m tryin’...

\’m COLLECTIN’

heads of THOSE that

didn’t MAKE the CUT.

yer going

on the “WALL

OF SHAME”

on the

FRONT of

MY GM SCREEN.

no... a little

HIGHER, dawg.

like

THIS...?

a bit

HIGHER.

just UNDER

yer CHIN!!

PERFECT -- HOLD IT....

SMILE, MEAT-SACK!!

Dyin’ Dumb in Bay City by jolly r. blackburn

dave, BEFORE we

continue - do

me a FAVOR.

hold your

CHARACTER

sheet

up for me.

huh...?

what

for...?

jess HUMOR me, hoss.

ya want \ should PASS it down?

back out at the ICE HOUSE...

um, okay.

whatever you

say, dude.

no - \ want you

to HOLD it up.

here

ya go.

\ got the IDEA from

back when \ used

to SPAR-FIGHT.

27

�� “yeah, well YOUR character didn’t have his SPLEEN eaten by a GREATER HELL SPAWN!

that damned thing FREAKED me out, man.” —Bob Herzog, Tales from the Vault vol. 5, p. 5


�� “it’s NEVER about the GIFT, sara. it’s about

ONE-UPPING the other guy.” —Brian Van Hoose, Bundle of Trouble vol. 33, The Gift Horse

W-WALL OF

SHAME..?!!

-sigh- hey, somebody hand me down

another CHARACTER SHEET...

looks like JACK HAMMER’s, brother, “PAUL

PEEN” is rollin’ into TOWN to avenge him.

no need to do

that, hoss --

you’re THROUGH.

whadda ya

mean \’m

“through”..?

the NIGHT

is YOUNG.

jess what

\ said,

strawdawg.

gotta a NEW policy.

if’n ya DIE DUMB...?

more than FIVE TIMES?

YER OUT.

go ahead

and gather

up yer things

and say yer

GOODBYES.

look hoss, \’ve ENJOYED havin’ ya.

but \ got a LOT of folks PESTERIN’

me for a CHAIR at this table.

\ figure FAIR is FAIR

DYIN’ DUMB..?!!

the guy

SHOT ME!!

WITH A LAW ROCKET¡¡

well you WERE moonin’ the GUY

out the SUNROOF of the car.

yeah, and

TAUNTING him

with a bull-

horn saying,

“IS THAT ALL

YOU GOT?” ya burn through FIVE characters?

consider it a GOOD RUN - time to

ROTATE in someone new from the list.

SERIOUSLY¿¡¡

yer kickin’ me out?

damn!

don’t worry, hoss.

the WAY the

REST of this

POSSE are burnin’

through CHARACTERS?

you’ll

rotate

back in...

eventually.

well

HELL FIRE...

this sorta

CHAPS my ass.

well -- not to be CALLOUS or anything...

but um -- \ call DIBS on his STEEL-TOED BOOTS!!

grabbin’

his GLOCK

here!!

ooo - is that

9mm AMMO and

clips compatible

with my

LINEBAUGH?

takin’ the

IPOD TOUCH!

dude, you got a

list of APPS

and TUNES

that’s on

that thing?

oh yeah -

NICE!

looks REAL

GOOD, hoss.

huh...?

-giggle- that

was so cute.

that TOTALLY

came out of

LEFT FIELD!

law rocket

isn’t even on

the frickin’

PRICE LISTS!

oh

my..

HEY¡¡¡

pinchin’

the SUN-

GLASSES!

\ assumed

our SEATS

were SAFE.

29



—Pete Ashton, Bundle of Trouble vol. 10, Takin’ Care of Business

well to make

this fair...

\’ll roll RANDOMLY

on the SIGN UP

list to see who

gets your SEAT.

brian’s getting my SEAT...? dude that

sucks SO MUCH --

BRIAN offered

you FIFTY BUCKS

for your seat.

you should’ve

just TAKEN it.

yeah - that blows.

\ could’ve

USED that money... g-good luck, guys!!

dave, you

forgot

your

DICE!!

well, he sure

seems to

be in a hurry.eh -- he just

lost a DAMN

GOOD character.

probably

needs a

MOMENT

alone.

do me a FAVOR, hoss.

if you see the

BIG GUY on

your WAY OUT...?

send

‘im in.

aaah,

man.

oh SHOOT

ME, PLEASE...

\ can feel

the FUN being

SUCKED out of

the room already.

say - we could

USE his TACTICAL

KNOW HOW to

crack this egg.

um, no

offense, dave.

crap!

yer right!

hmmmmm...

well, \’ll be.

looks like

it’s LUMPY’s

lucky day.

DAMN!! \ sure wish you’d have SAID something

about this “FIVE-MEN FOR A QUARTER” nonsense.

\ NEVER would’ve suicided, CRUNK MEISTER

last session steerin’ that HANGLIDER into

the WHEEL HOUSE of that HOOCH FREIGHTER.

dirk fing blast

\ FUMBLED

tryin’ to PULL

the PRIMING

CHARGE on

my C4-VEST.

too bad you

DETONATED

PREMATURELY.

that was

AWESOME,

pete!

-shooka--shooka-

damn, dude.

moments later...

GOTTA RUN!!um..., dave.

if \ might

make a

suggestion...

Art of the Deal by jolly r. blackburn

meanwhile out front...

now the EYNDAARANS are

mostly comprised of WILD

ELVES ya see — distant

cousins of the GREL.

now THIS is where it

gets REAL interesting.

\ didn’t even SPEAK

the language!! haar.

\ pretended

\ was a

DEAF-MUTE.

see the

IRONY HERE?

here, \ was tryin’ to PASS myself off

as the very EMISSARY \ MURDERED --

a guy sent on a sensitive diplomatic mission --

UR’MOSS. chieftain of the HIGH OGRES himself.

and \ didn’t speak WILD

ELVENEEZE or OGRE

THICK-TONGUE!!!

HAAR-HAAR!!

CYAN LOTUS was so

RECKLESS that way.

and the

FUNNIEST

PART of it all?

THE FOOLS FELL FOR IT!!

the EYNDAARAN DELIGATION

handed over the TRIBUTE

meant for the ARGARSTAN

EMISSARY and \ simply WALKED

OUT out of the TERRITORY with it.

true story.

\ SWEAR.

hey,

BRIAN!!

huh...?

oh - hey, dave.

thank gawd

yer sTILL

here, dude.

ya got a

MOMENT...?

sure. wass’up...?

\’ve been thinkin’

about your offer.

my

offer?

you know -

for my SEAT

in CRUTCH’s

GAME?

yeah...? what about it?

don’t tell me

you’ve RECONSIDERED.

well - maybe....

FIFTY BUCKS was

MIGHTY tempting.

but if you

could go

to SIXTY

FIVE...?

what do you take me for...? A FOOL?

no way \’m payin’ that MUCH, dude.

SIXTY THEN -- chair’s waitin’ for ya.

you can be playin’ in FIVE MINUTES!

DEAL!! hold

on - \ gotta

hit the ATM

next door!!

alright,

but hurry.

\ hope \ LIVE

long enough

to SPEND

that money.

is the

game over

already?

SWEET!!


�� “we were just CHARACTER SNIPING!! that’s all. we ALWAYS sign up for events and KILL OFF the

other players. makes the TIME go by quicker between the HACKMASTER EVENTS and one of US is always

GUARANTEED to win so we can split any PRIZES!” —Dave Bozwell, Bundle of Trouble vol. 18, A Question of Honor

BEHOLD!! the LEGENDARYVAULTS OF KENZER!!

break out theSACKS!!! we’regonna LOAD UP.(i wonder if they

take plastic.)it’s TRUE!!it really

DOES exist!sweet!!

Hundreds of comics, games and gaming supplements are only a key press away — in downloadable PDF format. Many are FREE!!

WWW.KENZERCO.COM

The Relief Player by jolly r. blackburnwith barbara blackburn

PETE’S BACKROOM: after SACKING, dave for

“DYING DUMB” one too many times, CRUTCH has

called in a NEW PLAYER from the waiting list.

actually, \ don’t NEED to roll up a character.

\’m ALWAYS prepared -- \ have a half dozen, CRIME

NATION characters right here in my BRIEFCASE.

\f everyone TELLs me their characters’

STRENGTHS, SKILL SETS, and a few

PARTICULARS \’ll pick one of THESE that BEST

compliments the GROUP and will be an ASSET.

sorry, chief. ain’t

gonna allow it.

you won’t

ALLOW it..?

excuse me?

no dice, LINT TRAP!

only CHARACTERS allowed

in THIS game -- are THOSE

who’ve been rolled up

RIGHT HERE at my table.

why are you

FLAPPIN’ YER

GUMS, hoss?

\ can’t hear ya.

well at LEAST

take a LOOK at ‘em.

\ spent a LOT of

time trickin’ em...

\-\ mean ROLLIN’

‘em up!!.

um, the

name’s

brian.

alright, LUMPY.

ya got TWENTY

MINUTES to ROLL

UP a character.

let’s make

it FAST, okay?

we’re waitin’

for ya.

yeah, sure.

c’mon, ROLL

some DICE!

you’ve got

a BLANK

SHEET.

USE IT!

c’mon, brian.

yer holdin’

up the GAME.

\ wanna know if

these STITCHES took.

don’t want no

RETREADS, dawg.

or CHARACTERS

fattened up off the

TEAT of another

GM’s campaign.

\ want

FRESH

spankin’

new MEAT.

and \ don’t ALLOW

no COMPARIN’ notes.

jess doesn’t SIT

well with me.

CHARACTERS aren’t

an OPEN BOOK.

ya wanna

get to

KNOW

somebody?

you do it

IN GAME.

ahh -- my bad. \ should’ve CLARIFIED.

\ don’t think you UNDERSTAND.

these are PRISTINE characters --

NEVER BEEN PLAYED. so it’s ALL good.

oh...? really. well that seems sort of ODD. look - it’s

YOUR table, but um, \’m no NOOB to CRIME NATION,

crutch, sir. \ mean if THAT’S what you’re worried about.

these characters are COMPLETELY kosher -- by the book.

\’ve been GAMIN’ all my life. \’m not one of these MIN-MAXIN’ neckbeards who...

dude, maybe you

should just

DO as he says.

bob, please.

\ GOT this.

\ don’t

make any

EXCEPTIONS.

we need a HUMAN

TANK - you got

one of THOSE..?!!

yer right

about ONE

thing - it

IS his table.


�� “yeah, this dude has this entrance CORKED up tighter than a TWENTY-YEAR bottle of wine.”

—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #140, Time Out

sorry,

big guy.

\ didn’t

get a CHANCE

to warn ya.

little SISTER...?

yer in charge.

CHECK HIS WORK.

oh..., of course.

you’ve got

it, CRUTCH.

it ain’t OPEN

for discussion.

now you’ve

got TWO

OPTIONS, dawg.

COMMENCE to rollin’ up

a NEW character -- and

\ mean REAL quick like...

or PACK UP yer KIBBLE ‘N BITS

along with your PURSE there and

\ ROLL on the LIST to see who

takes yer seat after the DOOR

smacks yer ass on the WAY out.

well. okay. but honestly

if you would JUST...

brian!!

don’t

PUSH.

yeah, don’t

BLOW it, dude.

do as he says.

\’ll be OUT

BACK when

yer READY.

alright, alright... \ GOT it.

\’ll ROLL UP a new character.

just seems rather POINTLESS

when \ have PERFECTLY good

characters sitting right here that...

you can DO IT with out

the BACK SASS, lump.

and make it QUICK.

we’ve wasted

enough time.

oh, um...

sure.

whatever.

-sigh- you

KNOW what...?

\’m gonna have a SMOKE.

why did he

put YOU

in charge

\ wonder..?

GM’S

PET!!

-snicker-

oh

stop.

didn’t get

a chance

to WARN me

about what...?

crutch isn’t LIKE the other GMS.

he doesn’t put up with any CRAP.

yeah, he’s NEW.

he hasn’t been

BROKEN yet.

nice going,

NUMB DICE!

you came THIS close

to getting BOOTED

before yer SEAT

was even warm.

he

means

it!

okay,

okay...

he can be

so stubborn.

dude, zip it.

yer

treadin’

on

THIN ice.

he TRUSTS

me - \

GUESS.

-shooka--shooka-

GEEZE... he’s REALLY

got you guys

runnin’ SCARED, huh?

heh - hilarious.

-scribble-

-scribble-

don’t you WORRY

about me - \ can

HANDLE myself.

sweet! 14

for wisdom...

33

�� “HELL YEAH, \’m MAD!!! dude, you CHALLENGED frickin’ DRACULA

to a game of darts!! you WAGERED my SOUL, you JERK!!”

—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #163, One-Two Punches

Charred-Gen by jolly r. blackburn

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

that earns me 15 extra

building points to JACK

UP my THRESHOLD OF

PAIN and RESISTANCE

TO TORTURE scores.

you got the

MAKINGS of a GOOD

BRAWLER there.

so before \ pick a CLASS and FLESH him out...

what’s everyone else playing...?

c’mon, guys -- don’t go TALKING OVER yourselves ALL at once.

hullo? what are you playin’? it wasn’t a TRICK question.

\ wanna PLAN my character accordingly.

sorry, brian.

crutch doesn’t

LIKE for players

to META GAME.

yeah, you should

probably just

ROLL up what you

feel GOOD with.

are you guys

for real..?

c’mon - he’s

not even here.

no... but he LEFT

patty in CHARGE.

what’s she

supposed to BE?

some kind of

HALL MONITOR?

just finish up, dude -

so we can PLAY.

\’m itchin’

to shoot

something.

unbelievable.

\’m startin’ to

wonder if you

OVER-SOLD this guy.

\ certainly hope

\ didn’t WASTE

sixty-bucks. *

SIXTY BUCKS...¿¡¡

wait, you

PAID dave to...

so....

what’d you

get for

WISDOM,

brian?

meh,

a 12!!

ooo!! SIXTEEN for my METTLE ABILITY.

\’m FEELIN’

this guy

ALREADY.

yeah,

“LUMPS”.

finish up

already.

“IN CHARGE”....?!!

you guys

are KILLING me!

a FEW weeks ago CRUTCH was BEGGIN’ for PLAYERS

- now he’s got you all JUMPIN’ through HOOPS...?

he RUNS a tough

GAME, brian.

but he’s GOOD.

it’s

REFRESHING,

to be honest.

ya don’t

wanna

CROSS ‘im

though.


* See KODT# 198: Art of the Deal: Dave gets booted from Crutch’s game after his fifth character dies dumb and he decides to take advantage of Brian’sprevious offer to buy his seat.

geeze loueeze...

you’re REALLY not

leaving me a

LOT to WORK with.

ya KNOW that?

\’m at the

MERCY of my

DICE here!

METHOD XIII - from the SIOUX COUNTY

CRIME NATION QUARTERLY NEWSLETTER --

“RE-ROLL DOUBLES on any ABILITY

SCORE roll of TWELVE OR UNDER.”

SIOUX COUNTY?

they fall under the NORTH

DAKOTA CHAPTER of the HMA.

“NIX” IT...¿¡¡

\ really don’t think it’s YOUR call, patty.

crutch left me as his PROXY --sorry brian.

at BEST that method is HOME-BREWED.

how ‘bout we stick to the

provisions in the CORE BOOK.

that SUCKS.

lessee, \’ll keep the SIX...

and reroll the two THREES...

wait,

you can

DO that...?

hell NO

you can’t

do that.oh, but

you CAN.

um... no,

brian.

\’m gonna

have to

NIX that.

what happened to the

SACRED BOND between

PLAYERS - huh?

so \ can get

an IDEA

of what

\ need to

be GOING

for here?

well -- \ reckon we can give ya a FEW details...

CRUTCH started us out in BAY CITY.

we were all UNAFFILIATES who only JUST arrived

from other areas of CRIME NATION and FELL in

together -- our GANG’S NAME is the SEVEN MATADORS.

we’re still tryin’ to

ESTABLISH ourselves

and get a PIECE of

the ACTION -- but

we’ve ha, um, a

few SET BACKS.

BAY CITY...?!! the

BARE-BONES setting that

came in the BOXED SET?

the one for NOOB

GMS and PLAYERS to

cut their TEETH ON..?

it had some TOKEN

gangs and some

FLUFF -- but

there wasn’t

really MUCH there.

-sigh- disappointing really.

\ was hopin’ EDDIE had set

him up with one of GRITTIER

supplements like the

GRINDER series or

CRIME SPREE, ROUGE TOWN

or even SPLAT FACTORY.

GRITTIER...? heh.

well you don’t have

to WORRY about that.

is he

for REAL?\ SUBSCRIBE.

method “13”

you mean

there are

12 others?

‘kay?

12’s not

so bad.

look at ‘im.

stopped

DEAD in

his tracks.

we’re on the SAME team here.

well can someone at LEAST

feed me a few DETAILS

about the CAMPAIGN while

\ FINISH my CHARACTER?

a “FEW”

setbacks?

shya’right.

oh...?

35

�� “okay -- next up… this DYING nonsense -- that has GOT to change.”

—Heidi Jackson, KODT Issue # 140, filler, p. 6


�� “nitro, \ let out about 30 feet on gordo’s RETRACTABLE LEASH.”

—Pete Ashton, KODT Issue #74, Fatigue Factor

CRUTCH took what was in

the BOOK and SHOT IT UP

with frickin STEROIDS.

forget EVERYTHING you

KNEW about BAY CITY, dude.

he added all

sorts of NEW

gangs to the mix.

filled in all

the GAPS with

his OWN stuff.

he really

made it

COME ALIVE.

you mean he’s been RACKIN’ up a BODY COUNT!! never seen

anything like it -- CRUTCH keeps the PRESSURE on — CONSTANTLY.

he doesn’t give us TIME to breathe. we STRIKE and he strikes back HARDER.

twenty-one PCs have been CHEWED UP in his SAUSAGE GRINDER so far.

the ONLY thing we’ve managed to ACCOMPLISH is securin’ some

abandoned ICE HOUSE and a few stinkin’ EMPTY LOTS as our HOME TURF.

we DID knock off

a LIQUOR STORE.

\ spent five

days in ICU.

“secured”...? we’re

payin’ RENT to the

SANDMAN if THAT’s

what you mean.

hrrmph...

sounds like a

case of FAILED

player tacticals.

\ don’t think you

understand, brian.

CRUTCH has a certain

FLAIR for the GENRE.

none of the USUAL

STUFF has been working.

he always seems to be

TWO STEPS ahead of us.

we could USE yer

TACTICAL know how

to help TIP the odds.

if we can just HURT

the CLANDESTINES

HARD ENOUGH to

make a TURF GRAB.

okay guys, a

little TOO MUCH

information.

maybe you should

just FINISH

yer character,

brian so we

can RESUME play.

hrrmph - and maybe you WANNA take a WALK,

tokyo rose. get a SODA? turn the OTHER way?

players need to DO what players do.

you wanna

take it up with

CRUTCH, pete?

oh..., so THAT’S how it

is, eh? guess we know

which side YOU’RE on.

it’s okay, guys.

\ got ENOUGH

to work off of.

sounds like you

guys need a

PERSUADER.

let me WORK

the NUMBERS.

one of those

LOTS has a

PLAY GROUND

on it PETE.

and the

NARRATIVE

STYLE of

CRIME NATION

seems to

strengthen

his hand.

he’s got a

FLAIR for

that too.

like \ said -- FAILED player tacticals.

you’ve got to ADAPT your game to the GM.

sounds to me like you’ve been lettin’

CRUTCH steamroll you with INTIMIDATION.

look - \’m not COMPLAININ.’

fact is he runs a

DAMN FINE, game --

we’re havin’ a BLAST.

on THAT we

can ALL agree.

\’m actually

kinda GLAD

you JOINED

us, BIG GUY.

yeah, but

our RATES

are locked

in with a

six-month

lease!

go RIGHT

for the

THROAT!

the

clandestines?

c’mon, patty.

we’re tryin’ to

HEDGE our bets

here is all.

37

* Spawn Gang (aka Spawn Point, Birth Turf)— In Crime Nation the concept of Character Legacy is handled by allowing players the option of associat-ing all the individual PCs they may run in the campaign to a single Place of Origin. Usually a neighborhood, city and/or gang the PC had past affiliationswith pre-game. PCs with such ties can enter the game with advantages, such as shared knowledge with previous PCs who may have perished, inheritingequipment and monies, mentored skills, etc. In addition, such characters may have pre-game associations and contacts in the form of cronies, fast friendsor even sworn enemies.

TWENTY MINUTES LATER...

how we doing, brian?

we getting CLOSE

to FINISHING up?

yeah, yeah, just choosing my STARTING weapons.

then \ have a few bits of my BACK STORY to flesh out.

okay -- \ think

he’s finished.

CLUBBER T. FORD

this guy is a cap-bustin’

TAGGER-slash-GANG-

BANGER from PISTON FLATS.

with THREE

rolls on the

NPC CRONIES

tables - held

in RESERVE.

you took the TAGGER package?

dude that ROCKS! you

can help PROMOTE the

SEVEN MATADORS and

RAISE our NOTORIETY score.

we’ll HOLD OFF

bothering crutch for

the MOMENT,

if you don’t mind.

\’ll need to CHECK

your work first, BRIAN.

you say your character

is from PISTON FLATS..?

what’s yer SPAWN GANG?

huh? oh - \ haven’t PICKED

yet -- \ was thinkin’ of

the NINE MILE SHANKS.

`noooo -- you

should pick

the SPANNERS.

the

spanners?

well sure -- CHARACTERS

spawned from the

SPANNERS start the game

with a FREE BLADED

weapon from table E1.

but best of all --

my character has PAST

AFFILIATION with them.

it’ll give us

something in

COMMON

to BOUNCE

off of.

yeah...? well OKAY then.

\’ll go with that.

ya know,

\’m pretty

much DONE here.

maybe one of

you should go

tell CRUTCH

so we can

get rolling.

you know.

past

history

oh wow -- you took

PRISON TATTOO..?

\ was gonna take that

but \ didn’t think the HIT

to LOOKS was worth it.

+5 to your

STREET CRED.

what’s to

THINK about...?

have you rolled for

your SHOE SIZE yet?

\ may have some LAWN-

GRIP BLUNT TOE boots

\ can make ya a DEAL on.

FINALLY... \ BIT on the “EXISTING

CONNECTIONS” advantage

- each session, \ can “CALL

IN A FAVOR” and summon a

CRONY to do a JOB for me.

if \’m REIMBURSED for

the SPRAY PAINT? sure.

-scribble--scribble-

good idea, shee.

can only make

the MAT-SEVENS

stronger.

hey, how

come you didn’t

wanna be

SPAWN-BUDDIES

with me?

let’s not make

a big deal out

of it. okay?


�� “bob, the SCHOOL MARM sits on your chest and SHOVES the GUN in your face.

apparently she didn’t take kindly to your ‘hey baby -- SHAKE IT for me!’ comment.”

—Brian Van Hoose, KODT Issue #108, One-Two Punches

oh... \ see you took MONKEY-FISTED ADVANCED

FIGHTING TACTICS: hand-to-hand.

that’s 75 BPS -- but there are PREREQUISITES.

did you remember to DEDUCT

another FIFTY BPS each for BASIC

and INTERMEDIATE MARTIAL ARTS..?

oh... um,

did \ FORGET

to take those...?

oh, dear... that puts

you at a BP DEFICIT.

yer gonna have to GIVE

something up. lose LAN

YIN MANDARIN as a second

language and DIESEL

MECHANIC maybe?

oh AND you

MISSPELLED

GAROTTE under

EQUIPMENT.

sorry, force

of habit, \ guess.

whatta ya

doing BIG GUY?

rolling up

ANOTHER

character.

um, maybe you should

EASE up a bit, PATTY.

oh, and you didn’t record the

-3 movement penalty for the

KEVLAR BODY SUIT --

my goodness -- how on

EARTH did you AFFORD that..?

oh, \ see. no brian, that’s 3 “K”

in credits. not “31” credits --

we’ll just um, write that one

off as “PLAYER ERROR.”

and your “S”‘s look a bit like

“5”‘s - you should try and

make them more DISTINCT.

CHECK my work? -sputter-

patty, \’m a GROWN-ASS MAN...

\ KNOW how to ROLL UP a character.

this ain’t HOMEWORK, ya know.

sorry, brian.

crutch did

ASK me

to check.

not sure about

the “MAN”

part but you’ve

got the

“ASS” part right.

everything’s

in order.

\ ASSURE you.

\’m SURE it is, brian.

it’s just a FORMALITY.

well, yer primary ability

scores look good.

you should have

ROUNDED DOWN

for your FEATS,

however - not UP.

um, and you

forgot to fill in the

HANDEDNESS box...

-scribble-

-scribble-

that’s no way

to talk to A

SPAWN BUDDY.

lessee

what

you’ve

got

here.

coz \’m LOOK-

IN’ at

the MATH

and it’s not

ADDING UP.

monkey-fisted?

that’s a

building point

SPONGE

right there.

-erase--erase-

\’ll just

TAKE

off the

ADVANCED

hand to

hand and

YOU can

sort it out.

and \ don’t think you

can stack ASTUTE

OBSERVATION,

ATTENTIVE LISTENER

and UNCANNY

INTUITION, sweetheart.

-scribble-

-scribble-

On Deck by jolly r. blackburn

okay, so yer

sittin’ around

at the ICE

HOUSE lickin’

yer WOUNDS

and feelin’

SORRY for

yourselves..

there’s THIS RAPPIN’ on the LOADIN’ DOCK DOORS.

you find LIPPY THE BAGMAN standin’ there with a REPLY to

your MESSAGE to the SANDMAN -- tellin’ him yer DOWN a man.

a wee bit later...

he sent back WORD he’s

sendin’ out a RECRUIT and

you should be EXPECTIN’ him.

got the guy’s name from

A FRIEND of a FRIEND

who owed him a FAVOR.

he says

the guy

he’s sendin’

“CHECKS

OUT”

ah, that

must

be the CUE

for BRIAN’s

character

to come in.

let’s not

take any chances.

we’ll need to VET

him ourselves.

fine

with me.

okay, LUMPS

yer on deck.

you ARRIVE a few

minutes later, \ suppose

and they LET ya in.

you can

take it

from there.

okay, basically you guys see a HUMAN-TANK standin’ on the

LOADING DOCK. \’m donnin’ LEATHER all BLINGED out with ZIPPERS,

BUCKLES and HOOPS. \ got an INDIAN MOTORCYCLE patch on my left shoulder.

and a big ol’ KOREAN FLAG sewn on the back. \’m wearin’ HARLEY

DAVIDSON DETONATOR brand ridin’ boots - polished to a high SHEEN.

around my WAIST \’m sportin’ a six inch wide BOBLBEE RIDIN’ GIRDLE -

TAILORED with eight AROUND-THE-GIRTH throwing-stars affixed by VELCRO.

\’ve got a SCAR down my LEFT

CHEEK - from EYEBROW to JAW

LINE - but \ ain’t ASHAMED of it.

\ wear it with PRIDE - got that

in the PEN when some JUICER

tried SHIVVIN’ me in the CHOW

LINE.

but \ don’t

really TALK

about that.

that’s the BACK STORY \ came up with based on my PRIORS

AND PARTICULARS roll -- it indicated \ did some HARD TIME.

\ figured it was for HOMICIDE — one of those GANG

INITIATION killings. unless you got OTHER ideas, crutch, \ was

thinkin’ one of my “HOMEYS” back in my OLD GANG, the SPANNERS

got picked up on a NARCOTICS CHARGE and SNITCHED ME OUT.

\ sort’a STAND out in a crowd by the way.

\’m pushin’ six foot, 11 inches and \’ve got one of

those retro FROS like SAMUEL L. JACKSON in PULP

FICTION - porkchop SIDEBURNS and jet pilot SHADES.

when all

of a

SUDDEN

like..

readyin’ my

MAC-10 just

just in case.

lessee

what you

BROUGHT.

heh -- is he wearin’ a

COLOSTOMY BAG? coz he

seems to be SPEWIN a lot of...

oh, my - that’s

VERY descriptive.

cute, pete.

do you MIND...?!! \’m sorta

makin’ an ENTRANCE here.

so don’t

ask about it.

he ratted

you out..?

that sort

of behavior

GALLS me.

interesting

character.

oh, he IS

good isn’t he?

\’m starin’

HARD at ya.

hey, we

should ALL

wear shades!

that’s sort

of MY

thing, bob.

39

�� “\’ll make this BRIEF -- just a FEW things you should know and we’ll get along FINE. first off --

no MONKEY PAWING other players’ dice. that should go without saying, but there you have it.”

—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #150, Torment By Proxy


�� “apparently, ‘RAISING THE DEAD’ in this SECT involves throwing the CORPSE

in the basket of a CATAPULT and HURLING the REMAINS over the TEMPLE

WALL into the ALLIGATOR INFESTED BOG which lies outside the GATE.”

—B.A. Felton KODT Issue #74, filler, p. 82

dang, dawg...

you came up

with ALL that

while \ was

havin’ a SMOKE?

you PICKED up on that, huh...?

yeah, used to ride TAG-MAN with my BOYS

back at the SPANNERS. had me a REAL NICE ride.

all BLACK-CHROMED out with RED SPOKES. and SADDLE

BAGS emblazoned with the GANG COLORS and SIDE

HOLSTERS for a pair of WAFFEN 870 SAWED-OFF SHOTGUNS.

well -- \ was able to SCAVENGE bits of my BACKSTORY from

some of these OTHER character sheets and COBBLE it together.

you supposed

to be a BIKER

or something?

welcome to the

ICE HOUSE, stranger.

we’re the MAT-SEVENS.

so...., SHADE.

you say you ran

with the SPANNERS.

what CITY was that?

lost my RIG, of

course, when

\ went in the PEN.

hey, if yer gonna LIVE

LARGE do it with your

PRE-GAME BACKSTORY

and go ALL out, \ suppose.

see..? \’m tellin’ ya...

he’s just the SHOT in the arm we NEED

to get some TRACTION in this town.

he’s really something. how

much of that is TRUE, \ wonder.

damn, wish, \’d put

MORE thought

into MY backstory.

all \ put down

was \’m from

DUBUQUE and

spent what

WOULD have been

my SENIOR YEAR

of HIGH SCHOOL

in JUVIE.

\’m TERRENCE

BRICK the IV.

the CREW just

calls me BRICK.

you can

call me

SHADE.

that’s it..? just SHADE?

all you need to know is

that’s what \ ANSWER to.

\’m here coz the SANDMAN

said yer lookin’ for some

MUSCLE and a hand

that’s good with a GUN.

well if SAND vouches

for ya, that’s good

enough for me.

yeah, let’s

PLAY

already.

hold up, brick. not so fast.

\’m sure he’s on the UP and UP and all.

but, let’s not be TOO hasty. we need

to QUESTION this guy to be sure.

probably not a

bad idea. \’m a

little ANTSY after

being set up by

the MEAT LOCKER

MAYHEMS.

c’mon, shee. it’s BRIAN.

we already KNOW he’s

bringin’ in his PC.

he needs to

be VETTED.

\’m fine

with that.

bring it!

41

�� “that’s not fair. we can’t help it if it takes a lot of effort on our part to make you a good GM!”

—Bob Herzog, Tales from the Vault #2, p. 50

what...?

sweet!! \ just picked up 25 BUILDING

POINTS for acting on “PERSONAL VENDETTA”!!

guess she was

playin’ off PAST

HISTORY in more

ways than ONE.

huh...? oh...

PISTON FLATS.

and YOU are....?

BUTCH LIGHTNING.

\ actually have TIES

in PISTON FLATS.

heh! BUTCH!

-snort-yeah..?

something FUNNY, pete?

er, NO!

nothing

at all.

will you look at that?

SHEE and BRIAN are

actually INTERACTING.

maybe they’re finally

PUTTING their

DIFFERENCES aside.

wouldn’t that

be WONDERFUL?

so you’re

from the BIG

PISTON too eh...?

maybe we used to

run with some of

the SAME people.

\ seriously, DOUBT IT.

\ wasn’t a SPANNER.

you weren’t?

\’m confused. \ thought

your SPAWN GROUP was...

\ used to run with

the NINE MILE SHANKS.wait.

what?

CRUTCH, I PRESS THEBARREL OF MY MAC-10TO SHADE’S FOREHEADAND BURST FIRE¡¡

that’s +3

for EXTREME

CLOSE RANGE.

+2 for the

BARREL

PRESS

and a PLUS

ONE for my

CLOSE

QUARTERS

SHOOTING

talent!

SHEE..¿¡¡

what are ya doin’...?

the SPANNERS are one

of my SWORN ENEMIES.

\ ROLLED “PERSONAL

VENDETTA” on my PRIORS.

“younger sibling,

drive-by, gunned down.”

oh no

she didn’t...

quickest

PC death

ever!

s

WHAT...?!!

seriously... it’s

RIGHT here

on my SHEET.

one dropped MAGAZINE later...

what the

hell jess

happened?

oh, shee.

seriously...?

taking out a SPANNER was

one of my PERSONAL GOALS.

they killed

my KID SISTER!

that was

COLD, shee.

oh man -- you

got PLAYED, dude.

-shooka--shooka-

Blaze of Gory by jolly r. blackburn

not happenin,’ LITTLE SISTER...

you manage to CRAWL yer way to

the DOUBLE-BARRELLED BENELLI...

but with yer BUSTED UP arm...?

you aren’t able to RAISE it

in time to get off a SHOT.

the “REFRIGERATOR”

is on LADY MCGYVER

with his ALUMINUM

BAT like a COON DOG

on POSSUM SICK.

later that night...he commences to FINISHIN’ the BEATING he started

when he CAUGHT you comin’ up over the FIRE ESCAPE.

pete, you managed to CUT that chain on the

ROOF TOP access door -- but as SOON as you

“JIGGLE” the handle you find yerself with an

18-inch length of REBAR stickin’ in yer THIGH.

pullin’

out my

knife here!

climbin’ up

onto the

ROOF!!

REBAR¿¡¡

are you flippin

KIDDING ME?

\ got HIT

with a piece

of REBAR?

crossbow trap, hoss.

improvised from a set

of LEAF SPRINGS, some

GUY WIRE and DUCT TAPE.

it SUNK about three

inches into BONE - you’ll

need HELP pullin it out.

a few seconds

after the TRAP

goes off some

ALARM BELLS

start CLANGIN.

oh crap...

we gotta get

off this ROOF

TOP folks --

NOW we’ve got ourselves a PARTY!!

a HALF-DOZEN mayhem-men come POURIN’

out on the ROOF TOP of a building over

YONDER and take up POSITION to fire on ya’ll.

sara, the FRIDGE jess cracked THREE

of yer RIBS -- mark off six points.

makin’ a

SLASHING

attack on

him, crutch!

\’m taking

COVER behind

one of those

A.C. UNITS!

seriously.

REBAR...?!

comin’ to

help ya,

sara!pullin’ out

my HOWLER!

moments later...

the LOBBED GRENADE goes

off taking out FOUR FEET

of BRICK and leavin’ a GAPIN’

hole in the WAREHOUSE ROOF!

bob, you take

some SHRAPNEL

to the SHOULDER.

gonna be a

FOUR POINT

WOUND!

patty, you

UNLOAD a CLIP

on the FRIDGE.

he’s BLEEDIN’ like a STUCK PIG but

he keeps on coming RIGHT at ya...

lucky for you, BANGS had yer back.

her CALLED SHOT to his head

puts him down -- he stumbles

BACK and falls through a

a SKYLIGHT and DROPS out of sight.

LUMPS those FOUR rounds passed

CLEAN through you -- you took 12

points of damage but yer still up.

runnin’ on PURE adrenaline.

reloadin’

here!YEESS!! this is

just great.

GAAA! \

run for

that

STAIR

CASE!

a few moments

later still...

pete, you HEAD SHOT the

guy on that other roof.

one of his BUDDIES picks

up his MAC-10 and

prepares to RETURN FIRE.

LUMPS, yer

lookin’ down

that STAIR

WELL and

PUCKER UP.

you got a

half-dozen

GUNS two

floors down

WINDIN’

their way up.


�� “you INSIST on hanging around this STUPID TOWN and BURNING VALUABLE GAME TIME

doing MUNDANE TASKS and ROLEPLAYING every little TRIVIAL THING like picking out the

JUICIEST PLUM… i’m BORED TO TEARS over here!! it’s like visiting my GRANDPARENTS!”

—B.A. Felton, Tales from the Vault #2, p. 27

43

�� “she says if we jump in we’ll FLOAT safely down to her. why would she LIE to us?

she gave us her NAME and that interesting little story about her BOYFRIEND.”

—Eddie “Tank” Ramirez, KODT Issue #150, I Believe, I Believe

that’s just

how it IS, hawg.

once the fightin’ starts,

EVERYTHING changes.

how you

DEAL with it?

that’s where

it COUNTS.

crap -- okay,

here’s the plan.

we RUSH down that STAIR

CASE before they can come up.

bob, you take POINT.

SECURE the first LANDING.

ME..¿¡¡¡

uh uh - NO WAY, JACK!!

\ ain’t takin’ no POINT.

\’m LEAKIN’ BLOOD here --

that COAX CABLE \ used for

a TOURNIQUET ain’ cuttin’ it.

besides, this is my

FOURTH CHARACTER.so...?

that’s right - FIVE CHAR-

ACTERS and cRUTCH

rotates in a NEW

PLAYER from the list.

wait.

are you

sayin’ DAVE...

um -- we better PULL OUT, guys.

this was probably a BAD IDEA...

PULL OUT? and just HOW the hell

do you PROPOSE we do THAT?

it’s a FOUR STORY building!! and that

GRENADE took out the FIRE ESCAPE.

hey! this “BAD IDEA” was

YOUR brain fart,

“SHADE II”. remember?

hitting the MAYHEMS

from their “UNDEFENDED”

top-side was your BIG PLAN.

hrrmph - looks like

the “SHOT IN THE

ARM” was just a

bunch of HOT AIR.

no surprise

there.

hey, let’s not

play the

BLAME GAME.

CRUTCH...

callin’ a

TIME OUT here.

we need a

GROUP HUDDLE.

a “TIME OUT”...? heh.

this ain’t LITTLE LEAGUE, chief.

once a GUN FIGHT commences...

it’s gotta ROLL to

its CONCLUSION.

yeah, but we just...

ain’t gonna be

no TIME OUT!!

seriously?

ya pull up your BIG BOY

pants and you EMBRACE it.

\’m MOST

wounded - \’ll

bring up the REAR.

so -- \’ve

only got ONE

character left

to PLAY before

\ get BOOTED

from the GAME -

that’s what!!

and that

\ paid...

that’s right. he

got ROTATED out.

but he

sold me his...

um, guys -- we gotta do something. QUICKLY!!

there’s MORE mayhems coming out on that

other ROOF — and we’ve got NO COVER!!

well LEAD THE WAY, blondie.

me...? um - \’ve got a

BROKEN ARM - not sure

what GOOD \’d be up FRONT.

don’t look at ME... \ got

a frickin’ piece of REBAR

stickin’ out of my THIGH.

\’m really kind

of LOW on ammo.

good

grief....

c’mon,

somebody

STEP up!

GEEZUS...


�� “a-a-actually, sir, my character was the OFFSPRING of active PLAYER CHARACTERS and

qualified for the GENE POOL METHOD as prescribed in the GMG. my mother was a HUMAN

KNIGHT ERRANT. \ take after HER mostly. my father was a scampy HALF ORC THIEF who

MEANT well but bounced from one FIX to the…” —Dirk Zuggard, KODT Issue #59, The Mechanic

okay, look this way.

hold it a little HIGHER.

higher....

GOOD!

HOLD IT!

okay, so who’s gonna

be NEXT on the list...?

well, my

BERRETTA jammed.

and this .38...?

it’s a PEA

SHOOTER really.

oh, now this is just PATHETIC.

FOOLS RUSH IN, eh?

until the “EXIT ONLY”

sign starts FLASHING.

no one’s

EAGER to

lose their

SEAT \

suppose.

hey - \’m

not exactly

SPRY on my

FEET at

the moment.

let’s

compare

wounds.

least

WOUNDED

goes in!

fine...

FINE!!

if nobody

ELSE has the

BALLS to do it...

no... this ain’t time

to be COMPARIN’

NOTES or RUNNIN’

yer MOUTHS...

clocks running!!

\ wanna see some

ACTION - and it

better be QUICK. I GO IN¡¡

a few moments

later still...

NICE - yer

gonna look

REAL good

on my SCREEN...

on the UP SIDE you DID

take out TWO mayhems when

your BODY knocked ‘em down

THREE FLIGHTS of stairs.

slammin’ that door and BARRING

it with HER on the inside..?

brian, \ thought she was gonna

THROAT PUNCH you -- for REAL.

dude.... seriously?

\ have to

RIDE home with her.

hey... she

KILLED my brother.

my THIRST

for VENGEANCE

demanded

QUENCHING.

we ALL may be

following her --

we’re STILL in a pickle.

you went

out LARGE,

shee - no

SHAME

in that.

\’m gonna

have BUTCH’s

name

tattooed

on my

ARM, shee.

finally...

\’m on

FUMES.

Fallen behind on reading Knights of the Dinner Table...?

Need to COMPLETE your Collection?

Looking for those HARD TO FIND back issues?

Don’t fret…

They’re all available at kenzerco.comand most can be had in digital format.

Playing it Safe by jolly r. blackburnand barbara blackburn

THE FOLLOWING DAY...

well -- thank gawd this

CRIME NATION nonsense

will be OVER with soon...

\’m sorta ANXIOUS for

our FRIDAY NIGHTS

to return to normal.

really SUCKS

havin’ to go to

the MOVIES alone.

once again.

huh...? OVER...?

whadda ya talkin’ about?

things are

JUST starting

to RAMP up.

have you

HEARD

something?

my bad -- \ simply

meant it’s almost

over for YOU.

now why would you say that?

SCRAPS is just fightin’ a little

STAPH INFECTION is all.

\ expect a FULL RECOVERY.

sure, sweetheart. but he

IS your FIFTH character.

his NUMBER’s bound

to come up soon, bob.

and when it does...?

well, sad to say, you’ll be

ROTATED out of the game.

-sputter- GEEZE LOUEEZE...

thanks for the SUPPORT!!

have a little FAITH in me - huh?

\’m in this for the

LONG HAUL, shee.

\ don’t plan on

my “NUMBER”

comin’ up.

sure, bob.

yer playin’ it

SAFE and

HANGING

back -- \

GET that.

don’t

FORGET

shee...

\ PROMISED,

brian we’d

SWING BY and

PICK HIM up.

what? so \’m

his PERSONAL

CHAUFFEUR now?

he’s got a VAN.

why doesn’t

haul his OWN

fat ass to

the GAME?

apparently he RAN

over a SHOPPING

CART out at the

WAL-MART -- took

his ENTIRE exhaust

system out.

a SHOPPING

CART? how

the hell did

he do THAT?

he

SWALLOWED

a BUMBLE

BEE.

exactly what \ said.

dude, LEFT a can of

MOUNTAIN DEW on

the CONSOLE while

he ran in to buy

some FRUIT PIES.

HE

WHAT...?!!

damn BEE climbed RIGHT

in the can -- STUNG

him on the LARYNX.

the POOR bee.

that’s all.

yeah. so...? well...

which means we can get back to

our normal FRIDAY ROUTINE...

DATE

NIGHT!!


�� “MOMMY, MOMMY GET ME OUT OF HERE!!”

—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #163, Wither Art Thou…

47

�� “why golly gee -- it LOOKS like he’s moving his SOPWITH CAMELS into ATTACK

FORMATION!!over the CAMPS in VIMY!! oh my… isn’t that where your HEADQUARTERS

are LOCATED…?!!!all those FAT little generals in one basket. tsk… tsk… tsk…”

—Johnny Kizinski, KODT Issue #175, As the Stomach Turns

c’mon, bob -- it’s

just you and ME here.

when DAVE got rotated

out and you REALIZED you

were on your LAST MAN...

you got a bad case

of being CAUTIOUS.

-firp-

\ NEVER!!

\’m not

JUDGING.

just callin’ it the way

\ SEE it - that’s all.

last session you lost your EDGE.

you stopped taking point --

letting OTHERS take the RISK.

yeah, bob -- you were

kinda playin’ it SAFE.

THAT’S

NOT TRUE!!

YOU TAKE

THAT BACK!!

oo00.. is that

BASS in your voice?

well that’s good.

glad to see

the FIGHT in you

hasn’t COMPLETELY

been SAPPED.

\’m sorry, sweetheart.

truth is the others probably

APPRECIATE you holding

back and letting them SHINE.

P-PLAYIN’ IT SAFE...¿¡¡¡

what the hell are

you talking about?

HANGINGBACK...¿¡¡

are you

DELIBERATELY

tryin’ to PUSH

my buttons?

of course

\ am -- so

you’ll BURN

OFF that last

CHARACTER

and ROTATE out.

there’s nothing

really wrong

with playing a

SUPPORTING ROLE.

SUPPORTING

ROLE..?!!!

again, \’m

not judging.

it’s just

that... well..

\ always thought

of you as the

RISK TAKER.

you know -- the one

who ALWAYS steps

up and takes CHARGE?

always the ONE in

the THICK of THINGS.


�� “hey, BACK OFF, jack. DARTH VADER could dance CIRCLES around ‘Q.’

you call that WUSS a proper VILLAIN!?”

—Nitro Fergueson, KODT Issue #97, pg. 75 filler

SHEE...¡¡¡

y-you drove

RIGHT PAST HIM!!!

he’s

DRENCHED!

oh...?

did, \...?

okay - you better SLOW DOW....

whoah - SHEE.

yer SPEEDING up!!!

SHEE..?!!

what gives?

oh, \ dunno.

mechanical

FAILURE...?

see..? he’s

waiting on

the CURB.

just like

\ said.

HEY - THAT’S

EXACTLY WHAT \ AM!!

YOU HEAR...?!!!

you sayin’

DIFFERENT...?

hey, what do \, know...?

just seemed like you were

HANGING BACK last week.

guess, \ was wrong. - no big deal.

well, \

wasn’t.

OKAY?

hey -- you dont’ have to

convince me sweetheart.

\’m not PLAYING any

longer -- remember?

oops!

it’s what

the OTHERS

think that

matters.

the OTHERS?

wait - did

somebody

SAY something?

oh -- WAIT!

there’s BRIAN.

GAAA¡¡

gwhat

the hell....?

The Show Dawg by jolly r. blackburn

LATER THAT SAME DAY...naaah, dawg -- you don’t UNDERSTAND what \’m sayin’.

there must be TWENTY FOLDING CHAIRS crammed in there...

\ only have SEVEN PLAYERS.

there’s hardly any room

to MOVE ABOUT in there.

huh? SPECTATORS...? f-for the GAME...?

MY GAME? oh no -- naaaa, dawg.

lose the CHAIRS. ain’t happening.

whoah... hold

on now -- let’s

not be HASTY...

besides -- you’d be

doing me a HUGE SOLID.

\ got a PALLET of old

out-of-print CRIME

NATION product \ picked

up on EBAY on the CHEAP.

folks watchin’ you

RUN the game

might DRIVE sales.

\ ain’t

no SHOW

DAWG,

hoss.excuse

me...

\ jess wanna run

my game, alright?

\ don’t need no

LOOKIE-LOOS givin me...

oh - hey, little sister.

how’s it GOIN’ in there?

\ came out to tell you NITRO

and GORDO have FINISHED

rolling up their CHARACTERS.

good. did you CHECK ‘em?

to make sure they are

ACCORDIN’ TO BOOK?

\ did.

they’re

good

to go.

hey PETE - what’s

with all those

CHAIRS set up in

the BACK ROOM...?

they’re for

the GAME -

whatta ya THINK

they’re for?

oh, right.

\ PLUM

forgot.

look — \’ve been MEANING

to MENTION it... but hell,

\ didn’t figure you’d mind.

\ had SQUIRRELY

set up a few

CHAIRS for

SPECTATORS.

you may not REALIZE

it, son — but

you’re a SENSATION.

a lot of CURIOUS

people wanna see

what all the

FUSS is about.

this is yer time to SHINE!

49

�� “well -- \ got HOSED on build dollars this round. \ got hit with a $25,000

FINE for SPRAYING the CROWD with .50 CALIBER ROUNDS while tryin’ to take out newt… ”

—Stevil Van Hostile, KODT Issue #153, The Road to Hack


�� “ya got NOBODY but yourself to blame there, gordo. NOBODY forced

you to CLENCH that MATCH in you TEETH while NEWT lit it with a bullet. ”

—Pete Ashton, KODT Issue #197, One-Two Punches

just LOSE the CHAIRS, hoss. alright?

or do \ need to MIGRATE the game to NEW digs?

\ hear GAMIN’ DICK has an old

SCHOOL BUS set up behind

his SHOP to run games in now.

no, NO!! we’re good.

the CHAIRS are gone.

oh and take

the SIGN out

of the

WINDOW.

well...?!! you HEARD the man, FUR BRAINS.

gather up those

CHAIRS and put ‘em

back in the BASEMENT.

hrooo.

\’m gonna

grab a SMOKE.

game starts

in FIVE minutes.

glad to

hear it.

be quick

about it.

if it’s about folk’s

DISRUPTIN’ things...

\’ll put up SIGNS

sayin’ there’s to be

no TALKIN’ or

GRAB ASSIN’

say... did LUMPS ever show up?

brian...? nope. he hasn’t.

well -- alright. you can

tell the OTHERS we’ll

START the game in a few.

\ will

do that.

as \ was sayn’ hoss.

those CHAIRS need to go.

if’n you could make

that HAPPEN in the

next FIVE minutes...

look, crutch...

about those

CHAIRS.

how would

THAT be...?

Rinse and Repeat by jolly r. blackburn

AN HOUR OR SO LATER...thing is ya see -- \ had made ARRANGEMENTS...

with a really “GOOD FRIEND” of

mine to catch a RIDE to the game.

only this “FRIEND” turned out to be a

real JERK who left me STANDING by the...

\ don’t wanna hear EXCUSES, lump.

you’re LATE and you’ve

DISRUPTED my game.

yeah but \

would’ve

been here

‘cept for

the fact...

but NOTHIN, straw dawg.

\ done said \ don’t

wanna HEAR no excuses.

\’m sure

you got a

REAL

GOOD ONE.

we’ve already wasted

ENOUGH time on it.

just UNDERSTAND

that you OWE me.

don’t be LATE again.

huh...? OWE YOU? \ don’t understand.

how do \ OWE you? \ owe you WHAT?

ut oh... he hit DAVE

with this routine

when HE was late.

routine?

what routine?

just a little WRENCH \ borrowed from PATTY’s GM toolbox, dawg.

by MY watch -- lessee, you were an HOUR late to my TABLE -- give or take

a few minutes. so the way, \ see it -- that’s SIXTY-MINUTES you owe me.

now ONE MINUTE of my time is worth right around FIVE E-PEES.

so the NEXT 300 hundred E-PEES

yer character EARNS...? THEY’RE MINE!!

\’ll be RAKIN’ em off the

TABLE to pay off yer debt.

hey!!

that’s

not FAIR!!

you know what...

yer right.

maybe my TIME is

worth a little more.

want \

should

RE-CYPHER

things a bit?

yer LATE

LUMPS!!

and NOW yer

interrupting

MY game...

um, the

name’s

BRIAN...

and yeah...,

ABOUT

bein’ late.

ouch!

oooo - nice

and TOUGH.

\ think \ LIKE

his style.5 e-pees?

inflation strikes.

used to be THREE! @%%$#!!HAPPENS!!


�� “FELICIA DAY -- THAT’S WHO!!! she said ‘HELLO BOYS’ and EVERYTHING!!”

—Gordo Sheckberry, KODT Issue #190, No Great Obstacle

y-yer blamin’ ME..?!!!

yeah, bob. \ think \ AM.

\ had PLENTY of time

to DWELL on it -- during

my FOUR MILE stroll

with my WET drawers

CHAFIN’ my ASS!!

damn, dude - \’m sorry. REALLY!

\ don’t know what got into SHEE.

\ TRIED to get her to TURN AROUND but...

SPARE ME, bob. please. you

GROVELING isn’t gonna

stop what’s COMING yer way.

say what...? wait...

was that a THREAT...? gee, \

dunno.

WAS IT?

c’mon, dude.

\ SAID, \

was sorry.

so what’d \ MISS...?

did we FINISH with the

UPGRADES to the ICE HOUSE..?

yeah, sure.

whatever.

WHAT¿¡¡

they hit us

on our

HOME TURF...?!!

dude -- you’re not listening. we

BARELY made it back before

they FIRE BOMBED the joint

AND most of our CLIENTS!!

yeah, well -- we were

DISCUSSING that

before you got here.

we were SPIT BALLING.

one of the NEW GUYS

was just pitching

an IDEA of his own.

from YOUR “tool box”, patty..?

YOU came up with that?

\ only USE it if

a player doesn’t

CALL to say they’re

running LATE

or can’t make it.

shya’right -- we didn’t have a

CHANCE - the MAYHEMS hit us

before we could even RECOVER

from last session’s WOUNDS.

you can say THAT

again -- \ didn’t even

have a chance to

WRING the blood

out of my SOCKS!

so SOON...?!! we’re you able to get

those FIFTY-CALS up on the ROOF?

what about the WAREHOUSE..? tell

me we DROPPED the shipment before...

they TAGGED the

ENTIRE block. and

the LINCOLN is toast!

they must’ve

FOLLOWED us back

from the EAST SIDE.

well we’ve

got to HIT

back -- they

just HOSED

the gang

RESPECT

POOL...!!!

new guys...?

the NEW recruits!

nitro and gordo’s pc’s.

TANNER “MILE

HIGH” DRYSDALE!!

at yer service.

\’m a FIXER...

just rolled in

from RIVET TOWN.

RIVET TOWN...?

were you with the

CROTCH ROCKETEERS?

don’t be

INSULTING.

\ ran with the

SOUTH COGS.

can you SHOOT?

is this a JOB

interview?\ was

just

askin’.

YO! HOLMES!!

XAVIER T. THORPE

in the HOUSE!!

my homies jess

call me “THE MOUTH”.

coz \ can BUST A

RHYME like NOBODY.

you FEELIN’ ME...?!!

like \ was just tellin’ yer

CREW -- \’m a NEGOTIATOR, yo!

you DIG? \ WEAVE WORDS and bring

MINDS together. it’s my SPECIALTY!!

TURF WARS are a LOSER’s GAME!

fightin’ over

TABLE SCRAPS

ain’t no way to

be -- we wanna

be eatin’ at the

TABLE with the

BIG DAWGS!!

um, the “MOUTH”

over there thinks

we should

sit down with

the MAYHEMS.

sit down? you

mean TALK?

53

�� “um…, yeah. for the time being just continue as you have been. \’ll make

up a ROSTER and interview the candidates. um… you can have the KID

in the HIGH CHAIR by the way… that’s ONE \ can scratch off my list anyway.”

—Nitro Fergueson, KODT Issue #177, The Sit-Down


* See KODT# 198: Into the Meat Locker — The Matadors reach out to the Meatlocker Mayhems to ally against the Clandestines.

�� “between our AGGRESSIVE EXPANSION schedule …and PATTER-FOOTS flingin’ themselves out of the

TREES at me, \’ve burned off every CHARGE on every magic item \ own -- \’m feelin’ a bit EXPOSED.”

—Pete Ashton, KODT Issue #194, Huns on the Run!!

YO!! thanks

for GIVIN’ the

“NEW GUY”

this chance

to REPRESENT...

I’M ON IT¡¡

where’s

the HARM

in trying...?

GORDO’s run a

LOT of CRIME

NATION. he might

bring a NEW

PERSPECTIVE

to things.

look guys, here’s the DEAL -- \ put BEAUCOUP points

into DIPLOMACY, FAST TALK, POLITICAL SAVVY and GOOD

LISTENER. XAVIER is the HENRY KISSINGER of GANGDOM!

sure GANGS wage WAR. but the truly SUCCESSFUL

GANGS...? they’re the ones who have LEARNED

the ART OF THE DEAL. to COMPROMISE so the

BUSINESS of DOING BUSINESS gets done.

let me go TALK to the MAYHEMS. maybe we

should

BAKE ‘em

a cake.

hold up

guys.

he may be

ON to

something.

look -- it’s WIN WIN. we send XAVIER

here to go TUG the MEATLOCKER MAYHEM’S

collective EAR -- it just might SLOW their roll.

BUY us

some

TIME to

REGROUP.

but what if they

AGREE to a CEASE FIRE?

then we’ll

BREAK IT.

at a TIME

of our

CHOOSIN’.

exactly, guys.

look, while the

MATADORS, the

MAYHEMS and the

OTHER small gangs

are fighting for

TABLE SCRAPS

and BLEEDING

themselves WHITE...

the BIG DAWGS are sittin’ back gettin’

FAT — feedin’ both sides the GUNS and AMMO

that keep the SAUSAGE GRINDER a’turnin’.

hullo! DIP-WAD -- we TRIED

sittin’ down and TALKIN’

to the MAYHEMS -- the

bastards DOUBLE-CROSSED us!!

that’s because that’s ALL they

know, guys. it’s WHAT gangs do.

\’m tellin’ ya -- SARA’s plan to UNITE

the smaller gangs was DEAD ON.

we just have to take a LEADERSHIP role.

BREAK THE CYCLE -- put in the HARD WORK!

ho’kay.

THANKS.

we’ll put

that one in

the SUGGES-

TION box.

NEXT!!

oh -- now HOLD ON, brian.

what he’s saying has

MERIT -- enough BLOOD has

been spilled on BOTH SIDES,

-- the MAYHEMS might be

WILLING to consider a TRUCE.

\ agree - we’re

just HURTING

each other --

BUSINESS has

ground to a halt.

then you

get what

\’m sayin’

\’m tellin’ ya

XAVIER was BORN

for this ONE THING.

are you KIDDING me?

TALK? with

CRANKBOX...?!!!

he’s gonna see it

as us wavin’ a

WHITE FLAG.

sure. maybe.

let ‘im

THINK that.\ dunno about BORN

- MIN/MAXED maybe.

ahhh -- \ see how yer thinkin’.

a little DISTRACTION eh?

\ OWE ‘EM! BIG TIME!

for BUTCH LIGHTENING! and

BANGS, JACK HAMMER I, II and III,

TERRANCE THE KNIFE, and..

well... okay, MOUTH.

looks like yer

CENTER STAGE.

GOOD LUCK.

really...?!!

yer

sending

me IN..?!!

just WATCH OUT

for a FELLA they

have over there

called the

REFRIGERATOR.

*

Walk On By by jolly r. blackburn

crankbox puts TWO

FINGERS to his lips and

gives out a WHISTLE...

at the END of the alley

behind him a low-rollin’

armored JIMMY turns in --

with two huge BRUISERS

standin’ behind the CAB in

the BED of the TRUCK!

they’ve got ELBOWS

braced on the roof

with a couple of

SHOTGUNS aimed

and at the READY!

up on the ROOF TOPS on BOTH sides of the alley...

you see the SHADOWS of men SCURRYIN’ like RATS!

the rachetin’ of the SAFTEY LEVERS and BOLTS on

WEAPONS being worked, echo all AROUND ya.

it’s an AMBUSH...?!!

great -- looks like CRANK-

BOX had the SAME IDEA!!

he used the PEACE

TALKS as an

OPPORTUNITY to

make a MOVE.

CRANKBOX grins from EAR to

EAR when he sees the LOOKS

on y’all’s FACES -snort-

like a FAT KID in a CANDY SHOP!!

yer ol’ friend, REFRIGERATOR

is standin’ RIGHT behind him.

like a YARD DAWG tuggin’ at his

LEASH -- slappin’ his BLOODSTAINED

ball bat in the PALM of one hand.

crank cocks his NECK and

puts a HAND to his ear.

“what was it you

said to us, MOUTH...?!!

”MIND REPEATIN’ IT...?”

REFRIGERATOR reaches up and RACHETS

the head’s JAW like a SOCK PUPPET.

then does his BEST

to PARROT, xavier’s VOICE...

“oooh, oooh,

mister CRANK-

BOX, sir? we

don’t wanna

FIGHT no mo’...!”

oh no he

didn’t just

do that...

A WEE BIT LATER...

classic! we were on

our way to WAYLAY

them and they were

doing the SAME.

crutch, any UPDATE

on the STATUS of

my CHARACTER?

\ was JESS

gettin’ to

that, SCOOTS.

you HALT about TWENTY YARDS away from

CRANK and his WALL OF MEAT AND IRON...

he HOLLERS out to ya...

“well, well, if it ain’t the MATA-WHORES!!!”

“we GOT yer ERRAND BOY’s message...”

“what WAS IT, he SAID again...?

\ just can’t seem to RECALL...”

he SNAPS his FINGERS and

REFRIGERATOR produces the HEAD

OF XAVIER and STICKS it on the

END of his bat for all to see.

GAAA¡¡XAVIER’S HEAD?!!

g g g

MOTHER

of

GAWD!!

w-wait!!! t-they

DECAPITATED me...?!!

heh - \ think they

put a little something

EXTRA in that HOOCH

they TOASTED you with.

oh my...

oh, well,

DONE, sir.

WELL DONE!!

that’s going

in my

PLAYBOOK.

g-geezus...

*

xavier doesn’t

talk like that!

55

* Crutch is using a sing-song voice here.

�� “yeah -- \ don’t think we’ll have another EXPLOSIVE BOWEL incident

in the WAREHOUSE…we slipped a couple of tablets in his HIP FLASK.”

—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #175, As the Stomach Turns


�� “PULL OUT? and just HOW the hell do you PROPOSE we do THAT?

it’s a FOUR STORY building!!and that GRENADE took out the FIRE ESCAPE.”

—Sheila Horowitz, KODT Issue #199, Blaze of Gory

CRANKBOX snaps his FINGERS again.

the FRIDGE gives the head

an OVER-HAND TOSS toward ya.

it ROLLS like

a LOP-SIDED

BOWLING BALL

down the ALLEY

and RIGHT

up to your FEET.

comin’ up

EYEBALLS --

starin’ into

the NIGHT.

now the MAYHEM BOSS is pointin’ a FINGER at you and

SHAKIN’ it — the SLY GRIN is gone and he looks PISSED.

“yer DAYS in BAY CITY are OVER, MATA-WHORES!! you HEAR?”

“it ENDS TODAY!! you don’t have an ADDRESS here no more.”

“now HERE’S how it’s gonna work — yer LEAVIN’!!”

your LIVES? they ain’t worth #@@!!& to me — you

can take THOSE with ya. but EVERYTHING ELSE...?!!

weapons,

ammo,

money...??

THAT @#!!&BELONGS

TO ME!!

excuse me, GURLS -- but

CRANKBOX was still talkin’...

“now yer gonna

step up ONE at a

time and DROP

your weapons,

ammo and money.

RIGHT HERE

at my feet!

then yer gonna

WALK across

the HOLLISTER

BRIDGE and

OUT of BAY CITY.

BUT BEFORE

YOU DO....

okay, SCOOTS...

gather up yer

THINGS and

LEAVE the table.

huh...?!! y-yer makin’ me LEAVE...?!!

you can go

ROLL UP a new

character, son.

\’ll work you

back in jess as

SOON as, \’m able.

-sniff- o-okay.

does anybody have a

BLANK character sheet,

\ can borrow?

tough

break,

gordy.

you’ll find a

WHOLE stack

of ‘em in the

OTHER room.

thanks,

for the

EFFORT.

we go through a LOT of ‘em.

\ set up a WORK STATION.

plenty of spare pencils

and what not...

\ had SQUIRRELY put

on a HOT POT of coffee

jess before the game.

‘kay.

a few moments later...

-gulp-

DAMN!

jumpin’

bajeebers...

this is

CRAZY

intense.

wait a minute -- he’s RUNNING us out of TOWN?

shy’aright -- who does he THINK he is...?

apparently the GUY

holding all the CARDS.

well we ain’t

COMPLYIN’.

are we?

you do the ODDS!

\ think yer lookin’

at a TPK here, pete.

easy, guys, EASY!

if he’s FOOLISH

enough to let

us WALK...

we LIVE to

SETTLE the score

another day.

57

�� “we took PRECAUTIONS. after EACH game \ take some DIGITAL PHOTOS to preserve all

TROOP PLACEMENTS. \ started doing that after \ suspected PETE of CHEATING between turns.”

—Brian Van Hoose, KODT Issue #174, The Wheels of Justice

\ wouldn’t worry about it,

bob -- it’s just a BLUFF.

just throw your crap down

and FORGET the boot part.

oh...? you think

so, LUMPY...?

who wants to

CALL his bluff...?

YOU..?!!

no..?!!!

hrrmmph.

\ didn’t

THINK so.

okay, folks...

here’s how

we’re gonna do this.

\’m goin’ RIGHT

down the line.

lookin’ for COMPLIANCE here.

yer gonna WALK up, lay

down your STUFF. then \

need to HEAR ya say

yer KISSIN’ the BOOT.

c’mon, crutch.

we all kiss the

boot. okay? it’s done.

oh no -- we’re gonna

do this MY way, hoss.

\ REALLY need ya to

say, “\ KISS THE BOOT!”

we’ll start with

YOU, lady mcgyver.

me..? oh... er.

yeah, \, um...

\ guess \ do it...

nope — sorry. \ actually NEED for you to say the words.

c’mon -- a little louder. —“\ KISS the boot”.

-sigh-

\ KISS the BOOT.

very, good. you

may PASS!!

how ‘bout you,

little sister?

\-\ kiss

the boot.

how utterly

embarrassing.

hrrmmph... \’ll be

DAMNED if those words

fall out of MY mouth!! --

bad enough we’ve been

PWNED - we have to have

our NOSES rubbed in it...?

\ can’t

BELIEVE this

is happening.

EACH of ya is

gonna BOW DOWN

and kiss the

TOE of my BOOT!

KISS HIS BOOT¡¡

“that’s the PRICE of

SAFE PASSAGE today”.

“but you BESS be

quick about it...”

“the FARE’s likely

to CREEP up -

real QUICK like.”

oh c’mon!! you

KNOW we

can’t do that!

\ ain’t DOIN’ it -- you HEAR?!!

no way in HELL - he’s

tryin’ to HUMILIATE us.

relax, dude.. he’s just

makin’ a SHOW of it for

the BENEFIT of his men.

\ really

HATE this

BASTARD!

important thing for

NOW is stayin’ ALIVE!

\ don’t care -- \ ain’t

kissin’no BOOT!!

SCRAPS bows down

before NO MAN!!


�� “GAAAA!!! t-there’s SPIDER LEGS comin’ outta that guy’s HEAD!!!… GEEZUS…

DR. COOPER just got his HANDS chewed off…!!! B-BY THAT GUY’S CHEST!!”

—Bob Herzog, KODT Issue #184, Owning Up

that brings

us to YOU

nitro...

what’s it

gonna be...?

oh geeze... well, the SMART

THING of COURSE would

be to just go along with

the GROUP -- but DAMN...

my PRIDE just won’t let me.

sorry, guys —but \ don’t RECKON,

tanner will be kissin’

any BOOT today.

CRUTCH, \ walk

up to the guy...

\ THROW down my

HOWLER .45, my

WRIST BLADE and

MONEY BELT.

nicely played, VICTOR.

CRANK begins to CLAP his

hands. he yells out to his men,

“ya see that?!! now

THERE walks a man

who has some SAND.”

dammit -- really

WISH you’d said

something, nitro. \’da

done the SAME THING!

“he would’ve made a

DAMN GOOD, mayhem

that man right there!”

really?

it was

THAT

easy?

oh and he pulls

out his MAC 10

and pops a CAP

in the BACK

of your head as

you WALK away.

you DEFIED

him in front of

his MEN, dawg.

SERIOUSLY,

CRUTCH..?!!

is this

ABSOLUTELY

necessary?

\’m a GROWN

ASS man!!

what’s it

gonna be,

PETE...?

\ need to hear

you SAY it...

it’s your CHOICE, pete.

you either COMPLY - or you don’t.

what’s it gonna be...?

well - what HAPPENS if \

just throw my STUFF down

and just MOSEY on by?

SUREST way of FINDIN’

out is to TRY it, old man.

but they’ll be no TAP BACKS.

oh for the love of...

I KISSTHE BOOT¡¡

alright...?!!!

is he HAPPY..?!!

ha! \

KNEW it!

say what...?

then \ stare him

DEAD in the eye...

then TURN AWAY

and WALK OFF!

DAAAAMN...¡¡¡

no SHAME in that CHARACTER DEATH, hoss.

you can join, SCOOTS in the other room

and COMMENCE to rollin’ up another one.

\-\’m not sure

\ WANT to.

good lord...

okay, it

APPEARS the

man’s serious

about the

BOOT thing.

NEXT...¡¡¡

\’m RUNNIN’ right at CRANK’s ass!!

\’m hopin’ \ SURPRISED ‘em for a

FEW SECONDS worth of FREE ACTION.

after FIFTEEN STEPS or so,

\ execute a Shoulder roll.

while doing that — \'m gonna burn off

FIVE POINTS of RESPECT and put it toward

DOUBLE-DRAWING my TWO PISTOLS!

that should knock it down from a SITUATIONALLY

DIFFICULT action to CHALLENGING. \’m gonna

BURN another TEN POINTS of respect to get a +5.

last call, son.

\ need to HEAR

you say the words.

what’s it gonna be?

The Last Stand by jolly r. blackburn

okay, BOB.

what’s it gonna

be -- CLOCK’S

tickin’

and

CRANKBOX

ain’t a

PATIENT MAN

\..., um... \...

oh geeze...

\ just can’t DO it.

kiss his

frickin’ boot..?!!

it JUST

goes

against

my GRAIN.

bob you GOTTA do it.

CHOKE IT DOWN.

\ SWEAR to you

-- we WILL get

our REVENGE.

but we have to

SURVIVE this moment

in order to DO that.

\ didn’t really

KISS it -- to be honest.

was more of a PECK.

didn’t get all

slobbery or nothing.

c’mon, bob -- \ know that look. you don’t want to

SUICIDE yer character like NITRO did do ya?

and don’t forget, dude.

this is your FIFTH

character -- you BLOW THIS

and you get rotated out.

you don’t think

\ KNOW that...?!!!well then...

you KNOW

what you

HAVE to do.

you know what...?

`SCREW THIS..¡¡

they may TAKE ME OUT

but DAMMIT - \’m takin’

CRANKBOX with me!!

\ start walkin’ forward.

and when \’m about

TWO-THIRDS the way there?

\ start

SPRINTIN’!

B-BOB...¿¡¡¡

WHATTA YA DOIN..?!!

\’m TAKIN’ CHARGE

of my OWN FATE!!

that’s what --GOIN’

to a PLACE where you

COWARDS can’t follow!

-shooka--shooka- g \’m attemptin’ to COME OUT of my

shoulder roll in a CROUCHED upright

position with BOTH GUNS raised.

59

�� “every nook and cranny of my CAB was packed with C4 EXPLOSIVE --

set off by a BUMPER TRIGGER upon impact. … \ pull the cord on my ROCKET

POWERED EJECTION SYSTEM -- \’m jettisoned some 500 feet into the sky!

my HANG GLIDER harness is automatically DEPLOYED. …\’ll sail GRACEFULLY down…”

—Brian Van Hoose, KODT Issue #153, Pedal to the Metal


�� “say… does CO-GM come with a HAT or a BADGE or something…?”

—Dave Bozwell, KODT Issue #190, Road Scholars

\ came up with BOTH GUNS raised and the SAFETY’S on OFF!!

\ ain’t takin time to AIM, crutch!

I’M SNAP-FIRING¡¡

at CRANKBOX with my DOUBLE EAGLE in my RIGHT HAND...

and at REFRIGERATOR with my HOWLER

in the OTHER! that’s my OFF-HAND so \’ll

have an ADDITIONAL -4 to-hit against him.

CRIMINEY, BOB!!

yer HOSIN’ yerself!!

you’re TANKIN’ yer RESPECT?

you were almost a MADE MAN!!

you don’t GET it, pete...

\’m GOING OUT, LARGE!!

there ain’t no CHANCE

of me SURVIVING this.

heh -- there

ain’t no

CHANCE in

your gettin’

off this

SHOT!

well, \’ll be...

way to

REACH, deep,

bob - \’m

IMPRESSED.

go ahead and make

an AGILITY CHECK to

see if’n you MANAGE to

FREE those guns when

you come out of that ROLL.

with a MINUS 8 modifier!!

c’mon,

bob.

minus 8?

crap!

-shooka--shooka--shooka--shooka-

one roll later...

YEEESSS¡¡¡

I MADE IT¡¡

good

luck, bob.

make it

COUNT, son!

so -8 on the

ONE shot. -12 on

the other, bob.

\’m dumpin’

my LAST

TEN POINTS

of RESPECT

on the shot

on CRANK!

that should

bring it up

some to

a MINUS 5.

believe it or

not - \’d like

to see you

MAKE these

shots, hoss.

when yer

READY...

BREATHE, BOB - don’t get

all TENSED UP - keep that

WRIST limber. GET a GOOD arc!

\ don’t think \ can WATCH --

my STOMACH’s in KNOTS!

oh my -- if he

MAKES that shot.

can you IMAGINE?

you LITERALLY have ONE

SHOT at this bob -- then ALL

hell’s gonna BREAK LOOSE.

BETTER MAKE IT GOOD!!

geezus, guys.

yer KILLING ME.

\ can’t THINK!!

whatta ya doing?

take the

SHOT

already.

heh! goin’ out in a

BLAZE OF GLORY!

you

can

do it!

no

way.

61

�� “we’re pickin’ up GORDO on our way out of town…it’ll be NICE havin’ company and

an EXTRA driver to help out. \ jess can’t SLEEP when squirrely’s behind the wheel.”

—Pete Ashton, KODT Issue #140, Hit The Road Jack

this is a JOB

for a couple of

NAMED DICE.

think \’ll go with

“THE BLISTER” for

the DOUBLE EAGLE.

and lessee.

CRACKLIN’

FREDDY

for the

HOWLER.

BLISTER...? you SURE about that...?

\ KNOW my dice, dude.

HISTORICALLY, he’s a PINCH-ROLLER.

one GOOD ROLL in ‘im burstin’ to get out

and then he’s THROUGH for the session.

and FREDDY likes

reachin’ for those

LONG SHOTS - maybe

he’ll work some

of his magic.

good

choices.

good luck,

dude.

alright --

\’m gonna roll

BOTH SHOTS

at the same

time, CRUTCH!

-shooka--shooka-

OWW¡¡

DEATH TO THE MAYHEMS¡¡¡

c’MON

BOYS!!!

huh...? where’d they GO..?!!

WHERE ARE MY DICE...¿¡¡¡

that HURT like

a SUNUVABITCH!!

\ think one

LANDED

down there!

WHERE..?!!!

do you

SEE it?!!

\ think one

HIT my leg

and

BOUNCED

that way!

well -- looks like ONE of ‘em

ENDED UP under the table on THIS end.

yep - looks like FREDDY.

\ can’t read

the RESULT.

hmmmm...

is that a...

z

whoah, whoah

WHOAH!!

don’t READ

it, GIRLS!!

nor the

OTHER ONE, guys!

\ WANT ALL EYES ON ME...

RIGHT here -- HEADS UP!!

alright, bob -- you got

STRAY ROLLERS on the floor.

you gotta make a DECISION.

take the RESULTS as they LIE..

or RE-ROLL ‘EM.

\ need an

answer - NOW!

re-roll, bob!

it’s a BAD

OMEN!!

BUNDLES OFBUNDLES OFTROUBLE!TROUBLE!

TALESTALES

FROM THEFROM THE

VAULTVAULT

38+ Volumes in all -- Each bundling 3 or 4classic issues of KODT between TWO covers.

These hefty volumes compileall those hard to find KNIGHTS

OF THE DINNER TABLE stripsthat have appeared outside the

comic book throughout theyears. Ripped from the pagesof SHADIS™, Dragon™ andRIFTERS™ magazine among

other places.FIVE VOLUMES in all.

Available at GAME

and COMIC SHOPS

everywhere!!

Cant’ Find Them?

Then go to www.kenzerco.com

The perfect way to catch up onall those OUT OF PRINT back

issues you may have missed.


63

�� “\ am no longer your FRIEND. \ am not your BUDDY. and MOST importantly, \ am

NOT your DAD.\ am the GAMEMASTER!! tears do not MOVE me… WHINING AND

POUTING are POWERLESS. \ am IMMUNE!… kaley, sweetheart. daddy’s talking.”

—Nitro Fergueson, KODT Issue #174, The Last Great Hope

you hit CRANK BOX square between the EYES!!

he’s KNOCKED BACK like a ROCK into the arms of

the REFRIGERATOR — deader than COOTIE BROWN!!

the MAYHEMS are

caught off guard

and in a bit

of SHOCK.

you got maybe

5 seconds still

to EXPLOIT.

holy crap!

CRANK’s down?

and here WE

are without

any WEAPONS!

CRUTCH -- \ didn’t

PAUSE to see where

my SHOTS went!!

-- \’m back on my

FEE T and sprinting

FORWARD AGAIN!

the THUG behind the cab of the JIMMY

DOES gets a SHOT off at ya, though.

to the tune of

TWELVE POINTS!

make a

THRESHOLD

OF PAIN

check!!

oh geeze...

-sigh-

\ should REROLL...

but my GUT’s

tellin’ me

to TAKE ‘EM.

\’m sorry, bob.

this one’s a FIVE.

you MISSED

the FRIDGE.

what about the

other one...?!!

well...,

\ don’t SEE

the OTHER ONE..

my EYE’s all

WATERIN’ up

here - damn.

\ don’t see it either.

maybe it rolled... wait!

\ SEE it - JUST under your chair.

don’t MOVE

yer FOOT...

can you

READ IT?!!

oh gawd --

what’s it say?

\ NEED this one...

you guys have NO

IDEA how much

\ NEED this one!!

hold on...

it’s a little

DARK down here...

\ THINK

it might

be a...

what is

it, girl?!!

it is....

A NAT 20!!

yer

CRITTIN’

me!!

YEEEES¡¡¡

YEEES¡¡¡

HOODY HOO¡¡

I SHOT THEBASTARD¡¡

GOOD

SHOOTIN’

TEX!!

way to

do it!!

wonderful!go, bob,

GO!!!

his BEAD was off...

but the DEER SLUG

still strikes you

just above the BELT

on the left side!


�� “after being HIT in the face with another round of PHANTASMAL-FISTS from brian’s STAFF OF

LUCKY STRIKES the FROST GIANT decides he’s had enough. he RUNS across the burning FOOT BRIDGE…

and ESCAPES. …look -- he GRACEFULLY DEER-HOPPED over the GAPS and FLAMES. deal with it.”

—B.A. Felton, KODT Issue #169, The Past that Never Was -- Part 7

HAAA!! \ MADE IT!

\’m still UP and RUNNIN’!!

\ SPRINT forward and RUN

UP the body of CRANK in

REFRIGERATOR arms!!

then \’m gonna try and

do a HAND VAULT over

the CAB and do a

FLYING TACKLE on

those two GUNMEN!

look at

him go!

he’s a

MACHINE!

several rounds later...

you HIT the guy in the SHOULDER, hoss.

he falls back into the BED of the

truck SCREAMING in pain -- but his

BUDDY is on you like MONKEY STINK~~

he gets you in a HEAD LOCK from

behind and is tryin’ to SNAP yer neck!

meanwhile the DRIVER of the JIMMY

panics and FLOORS the pedal. both YOU

and your attacker need to make AGILITY

CHECKS to remain STANDING in the bed!

GAAA!!

a few rounds later still.

pete, the SMOKE clears from that “CROTCHED” grenade you

TOSSED — there’s a HOLE in that WALL of MAYHEM MUSCLE

that were layin’ down fire on ya’ll. but it’s closin’ quick!

bob you managed to

MULE KICK the guy

off the BACK of the

speeding truck -- the

oTHER guy draws a KNIFE!

\’m RUNNING up

to grab my weapons!

\ try KNOCKIN’

the KNIFE

away with my

JAMMED

howler!

firing on

semi auto!!

jess not yer day, LADY MCGYVER.

you’re JUST about to grab hold of your

MAC 10 when a SIZE 13 BOOT plants

itself on your HAND and GRINDS DOWN.

-shake-

-shake-

you LOOK up and

see the FRIDGE

taking a TWO-

HANDED swing

for the FENCES

at yer HEAD!!

this is

gonna hurt!

as the battle unfolds...

the DRIVER of the JIMMY is CAREENING down the ALLEY...

he’s SLAMMIN’ the sides of the TRUCK up against

DUMPSTERS, ABUTMENTS and anything ELSE he

can hit in an attempt to KNOCK you out of the bed, bob.

patty, you DIVE for cover behind the GARBAGE TRUCK but yer a

little too slow -- the RPG goes off and the BLAST sends

you FLYING -- you catch some SHRAPNEL in the GUT!

LUMPS a couple of MAYHEMS have

targeted you and are moving in.

doh! falling

back here -

takin’ cover!

what the

FRICK!!

SPRING

BOARDING

onto the

HOOD of

that JIMMY!

rollin’

AGILITY!!

goodness!

runnin’ for that

WEAPON PILE!

and \’m a

ZIG ZAGGIN!

the TRUCK BED is SLICK with

BLOOD and the BODY of

the GUY you just CHOKED

to death is slidin’ BACK

and forth -- it KNOCKS

yer FEET out from under you bob.

ROLL to see

if you REMAIN

in the BED as

the TRUCK

veers around

the corner.

65

�� “A BIB…?!! for YOUR information it’s an official HACKMASTER GAMER SMOCK!! what’s

wrong with you…? …they’re all the RAGE!!… \ ordered THREE!!… you put one of THESE

babies on and suddenly EVERYONE knows yer game -- and that you mean BUSINESS”

—Eddie Ramirez, KODT Issue #178, A Total Smock

crap! in the FIGHT of my life

and here \ am with a JAMMED

GUN and no BACK-UP!

\ don’t want to RISK jumpin’...

yer runnin’ on

PURE adrenaline,

hoss -- the

blood is just

POURING down

your chest

soaking yer

TROUSERS!

meanwhile back in the ALLEY, pete

the FRIDGE has you by the SCRUFF

of the neck with one hand

and by the ANKLES with the other.

he’s using you like a BATTERING RAM

trying to PUNCH a hole in a brick wall.

LITTLE SISTER,

you try crawlin’

away but the FRIDGE

steps on your

ENTRAILS and

pulls you OUT from

under the CAR.

when he TIRES of

that he TURNS his

attention back to PATTY.

\ DON’T

BELIEVE IT!!

\ made it...

AGAIN!!!

HAAA! \ might

actually

SURVIVE this!!!

LATER STILL...

CRUTCH, \ should

REACH our van

this TURN --

\ got the KEYS

in my HAND.

\’m hittin’ the

POWER LOCK

button before

\ GET THERE!!

yer pretty SHOT UP, lumps but you manage to

PULL yerself up into the VAN and get it started.

you throw it in gear and pull away

JUST as the MAYHEMS who were

PURSUIN’ ya CLEAR the alley.

\ reach in the GLOVE BOX and apply

a shot of MORPHINE - \’m BLEEDIN’OUT

but that should BUY ME 1d5

minutes before \ PASS OUT!

crutch, \ try KICKIN’ in the

BACK GLASS of the CAB so

\ can get at that DRIVER!

\’m headin’

for the

NEAREST ER!

sorry, bob...

like \ said, this

LOW-RIDIN’ JIMMY

has been MODIFIED.

there’s 16 GAUGE

steel mesh wire

SPOT WELDED

across the GLASS.

okay -- \ CLIMB up

on the CAB and start

SMEARING the WINDSHIELD

with my BLOOD to OBSCURE

the DRIVER’S vision.

that outta

make him

SLOW DOWN!

oh it makes him SLOW DOWN alright... the JIMMY starts

CAREENING, goes up on the CURB taking out a LIGHT POLE.

the DRIVER over corrects and BRINGS it about with a HARD RIGHT.

smashing RIGHT into the front of a LAUNDRY MAT.

you FLY head first over the CAB - slidin’ across a

FOLDING TABLE and BOUNCING off a CHANGE MACHINE

before CRASHING into a bank of WASHING MACHINES.

have \ come

to yet?

this is

brutal.

\’m puttin’ a

BULLET in

my BRAIN PAN!

GAAAA!!

\ AVERT

my EYES!!

got it

FLOORED

here!!


�� “\ did have an idea for FLOATING DICE. you know -- for ROLLING up characters in the BATHTUB.”

—Waco Bob Forsey, KODT Issue #97, Miracle-On-Demand

everything,

go okay?

\ don’t wanna

TALK about

it - alright..?

can we

just GO?

oh dear...

your NUMBER

came up...

didn’t it?we can have

DATE NIGHT!!

aaah,

POOR THING.

\’m sorry.

TWENTY MINUTES LATER... my... THAT

was quick.

\’d BARELY walked

in the DOOR and

was ABOUT to

shower when

you CALLED.

A FEW MINUTES LATER...

okay... just a

LITTLE HIGHER...

SARA -- could

you MOVE in

just a SMIDGEN...?

there!!

HOLD IT!

don’t be DOWN, sweetheart.

you know -- it’s STILL early...

and FINALLY...

you PASS OUT just as you make the PARKING LOT, lumps.

you HIT the front doors of the HOSPITAL at FIFTY-EIGHT

MILES an hour and end up OVERTURNED in the LOBBY.

bob, the DRIVER doesn’t have much

TROUBLE following yer BLOOD

TRAIL into the BASEMENT -- he

finds you HIDING in the HAMPER.

\ APPEAL to

his SENSE

of FAIR PLAY!

\’m wearin’

a MEDICAL

TAG, crutch.

got my

BLOOD TYPE

and other

DATA on it!

it was a DAMN GOOD, run,

bob -- you got NOTHIN’

to be ASHAMED about.

at least \

didn’t KISS

no boot!

me neither,

bro - me

neither.

The FUN doesn’t have to stop just because you’ve FINISHED reading the LATEST

issue of KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLEKNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE.

Just hop onto our website where you’ll find online KODT strips, hard-to-findback-issues, KODT Trivia, FREE DOWNLOADS and much MORE!

You’ll also discover our online DISCUSSION BOARDSDISCUSSION BOARDS where over TWO-THOUSAND fellow KODT Fans hang out and rub elbows.

it’s the

NUMBER ONE

website for KODT

FANS. c’mon --

where ELSE are

ya gonna go?

“A Celebration of Games and“A Celebration of Games and

the People Who Play Themthe People Who Play Them”” ™™

What are you waiting for?

www.kenzerco.comwww.kenzerco.com

Psssst!! Hey Bud…

http://www.kenzerco.com/forums/forum.php

http://www.kenzerco.com/forums/forum.php

“Just finished reading it fromcover to cover and all I have to say

is it was EPIC!!”

Click Here for more information...Click Here for more information...

http://www.kenzerco.com/product_info.php?cPath=22_23_27&products_id=775

http://www.kenzerco.com/product_info.php?cPath=22_23_27&products_id=773

B.A. (Boris Alphonzo not Bad Attitude or Bozo as his schoolmates called him) Felton is a devotedGameMaster, loyal to his group and the game known as HackMasterTM. In his 30s, he still lives with hismom, but this has given him the time to perfect his craft. To make money, he drags himself away fromhis game designs to work the graveyard shift at the local Pizza-Go-Go.

In his early years, B.A. played a Gnomish thief named Tar Markvar, a character fate frowned on,whose wit outshone his wisdom to the day of his death.

B.A.'s college career of anthropology and history study didn't last long; he dropped out to pursue hisdream of being a game designer. He spent his life savings of $6000 into developing and producing hisfirst independent game, DAWG: the RolePlaying GameTM. Unfortunately, the game failed and bombed;B.A. believes to this day the game didn't sell due to a negative review in WatchDog Gamer magazine(run by Nitro Furgueson). This was too much for B.A., who suffered a nervous breakdown and gave upgaming. A few years later, the sound of rolling dice called to him once more - he began gaming againand founded the Knights Of the Dinner Table. At their peak, the KODT boasted a membership of 26;in the following years, membership has fluctuated and now dropped to a steady five.

B.A. has always tried to push the envelope both in features, description and imagination. The firstadventure he ran as a GM was "The Hordes of Dark Devastation". Swiftly moving from pre-generated shelf adventures to his own adapta-tions and creations, he inflicted ran his first home-brewed adventure "It's A Rocky Road To Frankenstein's Castle" - the HackMaster™adaptation of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", while Bob and Brian were the only Knights. His innovations didn't stop there - success-fully mixing incompatible systems, employing the most intense game aids or taking his group into the 21st Century with GM aids and playersystems are samples of B.A.'s dedication. Granted, not every one of his experiments is a complete success; sometimes the role of a GM mustfly in the face of available facts. But his hard work, his innovations, his time at the HackMasterTM Academy and his willingness to spread thejoy of HackMasterTM to new players or new GameMasters give proof of B.A.'s caring, love and dedication to the phenomena that are GaryJackson's HackMasterTM and the KODT.

It hasn't always been easy for B.A.; his great work isn't always appreciated - or without dangerous incident either. Although B.A. has hadsome glorious moments, one of the darkest moments - for himself and for the Knights - was the day he chose to quit when fellow/competingGM Earl Slackmozer moved into the county and cheated to win the respect that was rightfully B.A.'s; and yet in the end, B.A. and the Knightswon through. With a slice of pizza in one hand and the notes for his adventure with a home-brewed system, B.A. keeps the thoroughly well-deserved title... of GameMaster of the Knights Of the Dinner Table. The preferred system for B.A. and the Knights is GaryTM JacksonTM's®

HackMaster®, with its derivative supplements, SpaceHack!® and Cattlepunk®.

b.a.FELTON

Sara Felton is the exception that proves the rule. Where therest of the Knights Of the Dinner Table are the fire, heart andsoul, Sara is the cooler, wiser head of the group, the perfect foilto their impetuousness - a consummate professional in thebusiness of HackMasterTM.

Moving from Wisconsin to Muncie, the home town of hercousin B.A., led her to an invitation to join the Knights. Thewealth of experience she brought to the Table was more thananyone expected - role-playing for ten years, regional championof the Wisconsin Gary Jackson Role-Playing Tourney forfour years running and attended the HackMasterTM camp in1992 (spending ten days studying demi-human cultures).

Sara even stretches to the role of GameMaster with ease, herlatest triumph being convincing a bunch of sexist Hack'N'Slashmaniacs to put aside their usual characters for a night and playfemale characters, warming her up for an upcoming GaryCon.

Sara is quite the perfectionist; for her, the art ofHackMasterTM and role-playing is more of a science to becarefully and properly executed, whether in the playing,GameMastering or even tasks such as mere mapping. Her role-playing is technically near-perfect, with her ability to eithersuppress or use her personal feelings to enhance her role-playing. She has earned her respect - not only from the people

who live in the many worlds ofHackMasterTM, but even from themost impossible taskmasters ofthe game - the Knights Of theDinner Table.

Sara has reflexes that wouldscare a striking cobra. Thoseinstant reflexes, however, aregenerally used for only one thingaround the table. The secondsomeone makes a sexistcomment, Sara's hand is tightlygripped on their shirt, pullingthem into range of the fist she hascocked and ready to launch intothe face of the offender.

Unless a sexist comment has been made, Sara maintains hercool at all times. Sure, she regrets the loss of her favoritecharacter Zayre the Barbarian, but she keeps the perspectivethat Zayre was just a fictional construct defined by numbers onpaper. A cool, calm professional, Sara is ready to move on withher expertise in the game that is HackMaster™.

saraFELTON

The almost perfect phrase to describe Brian van Hoose is "idiot savant" - minus the idiot bit. A young lifetimeof devotion to his computer hobby has instilled in Brian the precision required to make him what he is today - awalking, talking, nearly perfect, unstoppable, organic HackMasterTM machine, living and breathing The Game.

Brian's early computer hobby developed into running his own Internet connected BBS, a hobby that helpssupport him. His other means of financial support comes from the - again, very precise - hobby/business ofminiatures, painting and selling. Mindful of the economics of the situation, a van Hoose painted miniaturecomes in three styles of increasing quality and price: Slop-N-Go, Table-Top and Museum Qualities. His otherhobbies include his beloved Fantasy and Science Fiction TV shows and novels (note the Babylon 5 mural paintedon his van or his Green Lantern t-shirt). Then again, he also claims to have been abducted by aliens. Which waythe therefores go on that one, nobody is sure.

His personal life obviously reflects the flaw points which balance his otherwise precise life-style. Outside theKnights, personal expression is one of Brian's weaker points. Brian himself is a quiet, withdrawn man, appar-ently barely capable of stringing three words together into a clear sentence. For that matter, Brian also - in spiteof a decent tenor singing voice - appears to be so unnerved by the idea of having to sing he breaks out in hives.Brian's Armor of Reticence, however, has its weaknesses. Once shattered, the resultant explosion is terrifying -

and usually leads to the table being picked up and flipped over in a mad rush of blind rage. Brian is also quick to defend himself - when B.A.'s 82 yearold grandfather had a flashback and attacked Brian "the Japanese sniper", Brian defended himself admirably... or at least it was fairly admirable untilPappy Felton crawled from the room and Battle-Rage Brian dragged him back in by the ankles. And all the gawds in all the heavens help you if youmention something like Alexis to him now (Alexis? His make-believe girlfriend.).

His home would be declared a biohazard if ever inspected by the appropriate health authorities - scary, furry green things growing in the refrigerator,dust that scares asthmatics into fits and a bizarrely adhesive substance on the floor of the bathroom. Best not to ask.

Brian's devotion to and mastery of HackMasterTM is unparalleled, possibly superior to any other single person in the history of HackMasterTM. Ownerof what is probably the most complete collection of HackMasterTM manuals, articles and supplements outside the offices of Hard8TM, the purpose of themanuals in Brian's case is simply to provide proof for others - Brian himself is an living, breathing encyclopædia, a repository for virtually every rule, line,table or piece of HackMasterTM information there is, down to the footnotes and page numbers, letter perfect. His calculations of remaining hit points,ratios, percentages, probabilities, experience or saving point values, body weights and statistics put Seymour Cray to shame.

In recent history, Brian has never been seen to act as a GameMaster. In spite of his astonishing HackMasterTM ability, his Third Place Award in theSaginaw RPG Tourney of 1978 and the fact that he himself introduced B.A. to HackMasterTM, Brian underwent a terrible trauma at GaryCon'89, someterrible, mysterious event that caused him to actually give up role-playing for almost a year. Fortunately for the institution of role-playing, Brian recov-ered and went from strength to strength from there - except for the fact that Brian never acts as a GM anymore.

Brian's training is, of course, supplemented by his attendance at the 1987 and 1993 HackMasterTM camp (at which he attended the same ten-daydemi-human culture classes and was awarded a badge for his Orc-speak prowess. His other great service to the world of HackMasterTM was his proposalof the Gamer Achievement Awards, a concept he is now developing with the help of Bob and Dave. Brian proposed the GAA to the Gary JacksonAcademy Of Role-Playing, designed to be worn beneath convention name tags and at other formal gaming events.

But Brian's phenomenal mastery of HackMasterTM isn't the only feature that makes him a terrifyingly good player - the other factors are his ruthless-ness, tactical cunning and his ability to exploit any shoddy rule.

brianVAN HOOSE

Brian's frightening cunning showed itself when he:

• Killed the Vampire lord Vardania armed only with a woodenstake, sacrificing himself to save his comrades - whilst being afirst-level character

• Saved the entire crew of the HackCruiser Warmonger fromuntimely death at the hands of space-pirates with his knowl-edge of mass-transporter systems and explosives

• Saved the party from being slaves of Rot Gut the Swack-IronDragon by tricking it into polymorphing into a dung beetle

• Tricked B.A. into running a HackMaster™ game when theparty should have been playing SpaceHack™

• Took over the entire town of Muskeegie in CattlePunk™

• Rescued the entire party from imprisonment and execution withhis Teleportation ring

• Created the Warmonger Science Officer

Brian's characters have included:

• Crimson Lotus, Black Lotus & Benny the Mage in the ongoingKODT HackMaster™ adventures

• Shotgun Billy and Big Jim Murdock in CattlePunk™

• The Leader of the Green Empire of Asia in Risque™

• The Warmonger's Science Officer in SpaceHack™

• Nigel Molenski in HackNoia™

• A Caped Crusader in Heroes And Zeroes™

Johnny “Lucky” Kizinski was one of the original members of the Knights of theDinner Table Gaming Club. He was highly respected by the other members for hisgaming style and dedication to the game. He is mostly remembered, however, for hisincredible luck with the dice and his uncanny habit of coming up with the right results atthe right time. Mention his name around any gaming table in Muncie, Indiana and you’relikely to hear the sad refrain, “the boy could play!”

Johnny’s story has an unhappy ending however. One night during a power session ofCattlePunk, his luck ran out. He fumbled consecutively FIVE times, failed four savingthrows, and missed twelve to-hits over the course of the evening. As a result four high levelplayer characters met their demise. Johnny’s unlucky streak haunted him in the weeks thatfollowed and he eventually lost interest in the game and hung up his dice bag.

He later moved out of state and now manages a Big Juices in Wisconsin.johnny

KIZINSKI

From humble beginnings, Dave Bozwell has embraced role-playing witha passion, empathy and loyalty worthy of awards, rarely matched in themany worlds of HackMasterTM.

As a welcome break from his Ball State U. courses of cultural anthro-pology and dance theory, Dave was introduced to role-playing by Bob inthe days when B.A., Bob, Johnny Kizinski and Brian were the onlyKnights. In his rebel years, Dave was the sort of guy who'd paint thewords "IN THE NADS" on the side of a water tower and risk his "life"saving a Paintball-War Buddy, paving the way for the on-the-edge, bored-with-tiny-details, true-blooded, hungry-for-victory Hack'n'Slasher that hewas to become.

His introduction to the subtleties and intricacies of HackMasterTM wasan historic, solemn moment. A few early RPG life experiences preparedDave for the rigors of RPG life ahead; most notably, playing in NitroFurgueson's "Trial By Ordeal" LARP and the accidental target-end testingof Weird Pete's experimental gasoline-powered Fireball Generator.

For a long time, HackMaster was "just a game" to Dave, much likePaintball, Risque or Nintendo. He'd play one session with the Knights andmiss another two... until that fateful hour when Dave and his adventuringhuman fighter El Ravager discovered one of the powerful relics of theHackMasterTM polyverse... the HackMaster +12. A major relic of theHackMasterTM polyverse, the HackMaster +12 wielded by El Ravager(a.k.a. Dave Bozwell) is one of the only four known to exist on GarweezeWurld. Made of pure Dwarven steel, a HackMaster +12 is forged in thebelly of Blind Luvia, tempered in a vat of the blood of a fearsome Swack-Iron Dragon. The mystic runes of warning and power on the blade areetched by the fifty most skilled and blessed blind Dwarven craftsmen ofGarweeze Wurld; the blade is then polished with the chest hair of Thorhimself. The eldritch Death Rune imprinted on the hilt is the earthlymanifestation of a powerful spell; cast upon a victim, it steals their soul andbanishes them from the world of the living forever.

Twinned with the necromantic power of Vlad'neer of Robinloft in theform of the Pommel Stone of Vlad'neer, this fantastic weapon becomes the

most fearsome, unstoppable force forswift and deadly justice in theHackMasterTM polyverse, a mightyHackMaster +15 (Batteries notincluded).Dave's attachment to hisHackMaster +12 is almost like no other -when faced with the possibility of findingthe Pommel Stone of Vlad'neer (seeabove), Dave's response was a simple andprofound expression of joy. The onlyother time Dave has ever expressed suchastonishment was when the Knightsplayed an April Fool's joke on Dave,making him think that his HackMaster+12 had been destroyed by a curse.

Since becoming such a devoted player Dave has, of course, tried hishand at being a GameMaster. His success can be summed up very simply.

The only element of the HackMasterTM polyverse that Dave could loveas much as his HackMaster +12 was his faithful mount. Not his good steedthe horse Clover-Flax, his equine companion - but Clover-Flax's prede-cessor, Chelsie. Chelsie began life as a cow peacefully munching grass in afield near a palace/castle of an evil lord. It was Dave/El Ravager's finelyhoned instincts that led to the discovery of this seemingly innocuous cow'sincredible properties. Even though Dave/El Ravager took the best care hecould of the bovine she ran away, taking the to-hit bonus Dave was sure shegave El Ravager with her.

Dave's most famous character is, of course, El Ravager the HackMaster+12-wielding human Fighter. It bears mentioning that El Ravager's back istattooed with arcane symbols, imprinted on his flesh by the hand of(Brian's mage) Teflon Billy, making El Ravager one of Teflon Billy's twowalking, talking emergency spellbooks.

Bob Herzog is one of the world's last truegamers, a living embodiment of Gary Jackson'srallying cry, "the game must go on!". Still livingwith his parents and watching soaps, Bob'sdevotion to the game is unflagging and unques-tionable; even when his temper and sharp tonguelose him several jobs, regardless of societal, peeror parental pressure, no sacrifice or hardship istoo great for Bob and the game.

Bob's role-playing adventures away from thetable are further testament. Rope burns, a $500dentist bill and a temporary makeover were justentrees. Bob's crowning glory was the nationally

publicized Furgueson's Folly - a boy scout troop's eight day foray into the steamtunnels of Muncie led by none other than the Lord of Steam, NitroFurgueson.In that week, Bob looked death in the face and lived to tell the tale,leaving a big piece of himself in those sewer tunnels.

Great Hack'n'Slasher that Bob is, his strengths do not lie in GameMasteringor adventure writing, as evidenced by his earlier attempts after watching TheWizard of Oz and once mapping a dungeon after the design of his own house.

Bob's most touching quirk is his devotion to those blessed tools of theRolePlayer, his dice. Bob's dice collection is one of the largest known inMuncie, especially his pride and joy, the lucky ten-sider. His attachment to hisfavorite polyhedron was most evident when it was lost at a local convention;Bob's "Have you seen this die" poster campaign became an unavoidable featureof nearly every vertical surface at the Ball State Campus. But Bob's dice fetishgoes beyond mere love; when Nitro dared touch Bob's dice, Bob lost it andquote "went mediæval on Nitro's ass" unquote.

Bob's devotion to the game was most evident in what may have been thesecond darkest age of the KODT - the day Bob's dad (an adjuster for Hoe AndHarness Farmer's Insurance) saw a 60 Minutes Special on HackMaster™,searched Bob's room and found Bob's HackMaster™ manuals. On that day,Bob's dad forced him to get a real job and banned Bob from gaming.

A comrade had fallen and the Knights had to play for Bob who could not.For weeks, the Knights played with a succession of substitutes, including theGamer Temp Corps's Ty Ferfel, the young and unsocial Newt Forager and asuccession of other... erm... players. In the end, it was only quick thinking on

Bob's part that allowed him to return to the Table. Unfortunately, the tightlystretched web of far-fetched lies and damning deceit was torn when Dave wasspotted alive and well by Bob's dad. In the end, all the precautions came tonaught and Bob's dad discovered Bob's game again. A deal was made - if Bobcould maintain a steady job following in his father's footsteps as an adjuster forH&H Farmer's Insurance, Bob could continue the game. Although this hasdamaged his dream of becoming a professional role-player, it has also strength-ened Bob's intense need to hack and slash.

Bob's most famous and favorite character is the one and only Knuckles theSixth, King of the Wall Climbers. Knuckles is a dwarven thief/fighter with abraided beard, brandishing a crossbow or axe, wearing studded leather armor, ahooded cape and a ring on the middle finger of his left hand. Knuckles's back istattooed with arcane symbols, imprinted on his flesh by the hand of (Brian's mage)Teflon Billy, making Knuckles one of Teflon Billy's two walking, talking emergencyspellbooks. Although the opportunity doesn't come up often, Knuckles is also agourmet chef (with a 75% proficiency in gourmet food preparation).

It takes a moment to notice his left leg - instead of a leg of flesh and blood,it appears to be a wooden leg, made of fine blood-wood, adorned with ivoryinlays and gilded with pure gold. Knuckles was unjustly sentenced to losing hisleft leg (hacked off at the knee) as punishment for the murder of a beggar inLord Gilead's city of Fangaerie. Before they left the city, the party's torch-bearerKnobby Foot found the legendary Wooden Leg of Dwarven Pirate Sturm Pyreat the Fangaerie Bazaar.

Knuckles's favorite steed is Mike the Dwarven Warhorse, successor to DoorStop. Bob/Knuckles values Mike very highly - not only as a companion or beastof burden, but also as an effective lethal weapon. Bob's/Knuckles's secondfavorite weapon is his Axe of Doom. The Axe is second only to his favoriteweapon - found by Shadow Pete in the Halls of the Mountain Mage, theCrossbow of Doom has been handed down to Knuckles and is his constantcompanion of chaos which he uses with various bolts, including the Bolt ofTorment, +6 Bolt of Despair, +8 Bolt of Devastation, Bolt of Reaving, Bolt ofThrashing and the Bolt of Skewering.

When the Knights made the switch to being sponsored by Kenzer andCompany, Bob and Dave nearly didn't make it - the brass were consideringlosing the Dangerous Duo and replacing them with a pair of power-gamers. Inthe end, an impassioned plea by B.A. and Sara saved them from grisly fates astemps in the Gamer Temp Corps or as miniature painters.

daveBOZWELL

bobHERZOG

Tuley isn’t an employee at Hard 8, nor is he considered an intern. Heoriginally came to the company as part of a Summer Playtesterprogram. He was tricked into running the company’s customerservice department by being led to believe it was a ‘virtual corpora-tion computer game’ and that he was earning points based on how

well he ‘played’ the game, which involved answering the phone and working out ‘variablesolutions’ to each call. No one has mentioned the ‘game’ in quite some time and Tuley seemscontent to live in his office, occasionally order out for pizza and man his station.

Jo Jo is one of Gary Jackson’s favorite “yes-men”. When he bought outBattle Cry Games in 1984, Jo Jo Zeke came as part of the deal. For yearsJo Jo was considered the ‘King of Hex-and-Cardboard-Counter’ wargameand has over forty-two titles under his belt. His most famous game designwas The Pope’s Panzers, a ‘what-if ’ wargame simulation that rocked war

gaming circles around the country. The sequel, V-Rockets at the Vatican, earned him his firstGamers’ Choice Award for best game design. Jo Jo is now responsible for writing much of theflavor text for HackMaster adventures (something he has a knack for) and crunching rules. Itis rumored he lives in his office at Hard Eight Enterprises.

jo joZEKE

pete SKIPOWSKI

Pete has been with GaryJackson since the begin-ning. In fact they metin college where theyused to play epicsessions of MERC

ARMOR and BLAZING GUNS. When Garystarted his company, Pete came onboard ashis first full-time game designer (working forshares in the beginning). In recent years thefriendship has been strained as Gary’sprojects have repeatedly over-shadowed Pete’spet projects. In fact Gary usually targets Petefor his much publicized verbal abuse and ego-bruising. Still, Pete is loyal to Gary and Hard8 Enterprises and rarely complains.

Waco Bob is one of the original share holders of Hard 8. Hereally doesn’t do much at the company other than agree withvirtually every word that comes out of Gary’s mouth. Wacohas done well, financially, working with Gary and that seemsto be enough to have earned his undying devotion. Wacodoes sit in on every playtesting session he can. But since heseems to love every game he plays, regardless of its flaws, hisvalue as a playtester leaves a lot to be desired. He invariablyfills out his playtester evaluationforms with, “This game is the nextHackMaster!!”

‘waco’ bobFORSEY

tuleyPRISWINKLE

Gary Jackson is fondly known as the “Gawdfatherof Gaming” by millions of gaming enthusiasts aroundthe world. His failing wargame company, Hard 8Enterprises, was about to close its doors for good in1977 when Gary tossed the dice on a hastilyproduced role-playing game, The HackMasters of

EverKnight™. The first print run was quickly snapped off the shelves and soon franticdistributors were calling Gary’s three-man shop with pleas of “More!” Gary has beenriding Hackmaster spin-offs ever since.

For those who want to know what ‘hard eight’ means, it refers to the game of crapswhere Gary has blown thousands of dollars of company money over the years on hisfrequent trips to Vegas.

garyJACKSON

®

What do you want to Hack today?™

Hard 8 Enterprises ®

®

Victor Fergueson becameknown as the Lord of Steamwhen he adapted theHackMaster rules to live-action play and begantaking hand picked groupsof players on late nightforays into the labyrinth ofsteam tunnels beneath BallState University. After‘Fergueson’s Folly’ madenational headlines (Victorand his group were lost for7 days prompting a massive

rescue search), the steam tunnels were secured and dozensof entrances were sealed with concrete. There are severalcontradicting accounts of what happened weeks later onthe evening of January 5th, 1987 but it involved a satchelof C-4 high explosive, a miscalculation of the expectedblast radius, and a medical evacuation of the CampusAdministration Building which collapsed during anattempt to breach the steam tunnels. The incident earnedVictor the nickname ‘Nitro’ and 5 years probation. Nitrohas been president of the Black Hand Gaming Societyfor 8 years, taking over from Weird Pete.

“Weird” Pete Ashton isthe sole proprietor of alocal game store called theGames Pit. He is proudof the fact that he was oneof the co-designers of thecult classic role-playinggame, Lynch Mob™. Peteloves to relate the story ofhow he was burned by hispartners and lost“millions”. Pete is alwaysavailable for advice butoddly seems to be verybitter about the hobby he

loves so much. He was a major stockholder in Hard 8Enterprises but sold his shares mere days before HackMasterwas released. Pete co-founded the Black Hand GamingSociety along with Nitro and served as president for the firstfour years of the club’s existence. The backroom of Pete’sshop serves as home table for the Society.

Newt was the only child of a careermilitary couple. He spent his childhoodeither being dragged around the globe ortossed back and forth between variousuncles and grandparents. Perhaps that’swhy Newt has trouble making friends andfitting in. He wet his feet in gaming byplaying every play-by-mail game he couldtrack down and earned a bit of notorietyby toppling the five year powergrip of thetop player in the PBM game, Tribes ofAngst and essentially shutting down thegame. Later he was introduced toHackMaster through a MUDD on theinternet and embraced the game.

After running through every Solo-Adventure published he set out on aquest to find a group to play with. The Black Hands Gaming Societyhave allowed him to play at their table for some time. Unfortunately he’sfinding it difficult to find a group who will tolerate his personality quirks.

Stevil has a day job administeringcustomer warranty claims. For yearshe satisfied his gaming itch throughfreelance work for various gamingindustry publications. However, hisdivorce a couple of years back freedup time for him to get back into realgaming. He met GordonSheckberry at work [prior to hisunfortunate(?) accident] and‘Gordo’ subsequently introducedhim to the Black Hands. He nowcommutes to Muncie every Fridaynight from his apartment insuburban Indianapolis.

Gordon ‘Gordo’ Sheckberry graduatedfrom Ball State with a ChemicalEngineering degree in his back pocket.(Although never proven, it has longbeen suspected that he cooked up thebatch of C-4 Nitro used to level theAdministration Building). Gordo wasinvolved in a bizarre industrial accidentthat seriously impaired his vision andresulted in the loss of ALL his bodyhair. He is famous for his bad toupeeand coke bottle-lens glasses.

The accident bestowed Gordo withthe gift of total lifetime disabilityallowing him to game almost daily with various groups aroundDelaware county. (Thus he is the envy of gamers everywhere.) Gordohas been a member of the Black Hands for four years.

“weird” peteASHTON

nitroFERGUESON

stevilVAN HOSTLE

gordoSHECKBERRY

Jack “Flak Jack” Monty is wellknown in Muncie, Indiana as aconsequence of his highly publi-cized 1994 trial People v. Monty.Jack was convicted of aggravatedassault, endangering the publicand a half dozen other charges as aresult of his commando-styleassault on a city bus armed withwater balloons and several auto-fireequipped paintball guns. Jack wasplaying a live-action game ofUrban Assassin™ and was

attempting to ‘take out’ several players who had soughtrefuge on a passing bus. The judge was not amused andsentenced Jack to six months confinement. The sentencewas waived, however, on the condition that Jack enlist in thearmed forces. Jack joined the Army for a two year hitch.DoD cutbacks allowed him to end his tour early and returnto Muncie to attend BSU on the GI Bill while completinghis military obligation in the Indiana National Guard. Hejoined the Black Hands soon afterwards and earned areputation for being a formidable player.

newtFORAGER

flak jackMONTY

Eddie Ramirez has been known as “Tank”since high school, when he was named LeagueCommisoner for the Fantasy Football League.

He is extremely proud of his uniquecharacter -- a Frost Giant Thief named Kraven.He is currently “tutoring” Crutch on the finer aspects of roleplaying and“playing well with others”.

Painfully shy as a kid, Tank was bumped from group to groupuntil he eventually responded to an ad posted on Weird Pete’sbulleting board. Patty has been working with him and has slowlycoaxed him out of his shell.

pattyGAUZWIELER

Patty majored in Elementary Education at BSU and currently teaches a Kindergarten class atJames Whitcomb Riley Elementary. She was an early member of the Black Hands before splin-tering off to form her own group, “Patty’s Perpetrators” (more commonly referred to simply as“Patty’s Perps”) She has a reputation for bringing ‘positive reinforcement’ and other teaching toolsfrom her classroom to the gaming table. Patty had a ‘thing’ for Dave Bozwell (who, for a brieftime had a ‘thing’ for her). The two dated for several months before Dave broke it off.

mona “mo”WERT

eddie “tank”Ramirez

chadAguilar

Mona is a free spirit with plenty of time to game due to the fact that herchildren have grown and she was left a sizeable inheritance by a great uncle.With her husband gone too, Mona answers to no one — something sheopenly confesses to being proud of. She speaks her mind and makes noapologies for doing so. Even so, most people seem to enjoy Mo’s company.When she isn’t gaming she does volunteer work around the community,including James Whitcomb Riley Elementary, where she met Patty. PATTY’S

PERPSPatty’s Perpetrators are one

of the newest sanctionedgroups to recognized by theH.M.P.A. in Muncie.

They’ve yet to win anytournaments but the grouphas twice been commendedfor demonstrating “Good Sportsmanship.”

Chad is a graduate student at Ball State University majoring in history with an eye toward teaching.To make ends meet he works part time as a disc jockey at fraternity parties and other campus events.He’s known for being something of a hothead and quick to anger. This has caused him alot ofproblems at the gaming table over the years — He spends a lot of time ‘pondering the five points’ inPatty’s time-out corner.

Chad’s an ex-munchkin. He began playing HackMaster at the ripe young age of 13. Like most ofthe other Perps, he found he was welcomed at Patty’s table.

When the collectible card game, Spell-Jacked first came out, Chad went out of control and blewhis savings AND his college tuition on booster packs thinking he was ‘investing’ his money. He gotburned during the ‘Card Crash’ of ‘96 and is still dealing with the debt.

This seedy bar on Muncie’s west-side has a reputation forbeing a place ‘best avoided’.It is said that even the Police are afraid to enter. (If duty

should require them to do so, they usually show up in greatnumbers.)

Strangely enough, the bar has attracted the attention ofseveral gamers in the area who have come to the conclusionthat the bar and its clientle are more ‘bark’ than bite.

These days, it’s not all that uncommon to see someonerolling up a character at a side table or discussing last night’sgame with a few friends.

Hawg Waller’s Kickstand Palace

Crutch is an ex-con. A two-time loser who’sbeen put on notice. If he screws up onemore time and finds himself on the wrongside of the law -- he goes down the river forgood.

He’s a permanent fixture at Hawg Wallers(though according to the terms of his probationhe’s forbidden to even step foot inside a bar.Then again, the police don’t exactly do walk-thrus at Hawgs.)Even with his record, it’s not hard for those

who take the time to get to known him thathe basically a good heart. He tends to be aloyal friend and is definitely the kind of guyyou’d want in your corner during a fight.It is this blind loyalty, however, that often

gets him in trouble.Recently Crutch discovered role-playing and something about

Cattlepunk clicked with him. He’s now a member of Patty’s Perps andstruggling to win the approval of the other players.

Hawg is the owner of the Kickstand Palace. To hear him tell it, he was just a drifter passing through town untilhe won the bar in a game of poker.

It’s a good story and Hawg is known for telling some tall-ones so it’s anyone’s guess whatthe truth really is.

Hawg carries a gun which he claims to have wrestled out of the hands of a would-be burglar one night. Afterpistol whipping the perp with his own pistol, Hawg let him go.

No one can actually remember Hawg ever using the weapon but few have any doubt that he wouldn’t hesitateto use it — After all, he bears numerous scars which testify to the fact that he’s not one to shy away from a fight.

Despite his reptutation as a tough guy, most customers feel a certain degree of comfort in the fact that he runsa tight ship. He’s a no-nonsense type of guy. Keep things peaceful and pay your tab and you’ll find he’s easyenough to get along with.

eli ‘hawg’WALLERS

leslie ‘crutch’HUMPHRIES

After rescuing several gamers who became lost inthe BSU steamtunnels while playing live-actionHackMaster, Officer Tandy was sent by his depart-ment to attend a B.A.H.M. Seminar (BotheredAbout Hack Master - an organization whose membersare convinced that HackMaster and other fantasyrole-playing games like it are inherently evil andconstitute a threat to young, impressionable minds.)He has taken a pesrsonal interest in variousMuncie gaming -groups which he feels are“breeding grounds” for trouble.

Logan is one of the ‘old guard’ Gamemasters of the Muncie area.His group, “Logan’s Heroes” have won more RegionalHackMaster Tournaments than any other group. Logan learnedto ‘sling-dice’ under the watchful eye of Brian van Hoose backwhen he was still GMing. Eventually Brian tired of Logan’spretentious attitude - the last straw being his adoption of a

haughty faux-british accent - and booted him out. Since noone stepped up to adopt him into their group, he was forced

to begin his own. His style is best described as harsh &meticulous, brooking no dissent from ‘rules lawyers’(having been trained by the best in the business, he knows allthe tricks of the trade.) His players have becomeformidible gaming machines under his “no crap” regime.It’s worth mentioning that Logan is widely despised.

Lanky learned to role-play as a child when he was forced to sit in on his teenageuncle’s campaigns and play the parts of various NPCs. Perhaps it’s for thatreason he often seems bored with the game and distracted. He takes his gamingeven less seriously than the others in the group. He’s been know to excusehimself to use the restroom and never return. No one seems to mind though.

It’s just part of his personality and most people accept him as he is.Lanky is an engineering major considered to be something of a ‘wiz kid’ when it comes mathmatics. Heoften makes decisions in the game based on his calculations of the odds and percentages involved in anygiven situation.

Vincent is attending Ball State on asoccer scholarship. During hissophomore year he changed hismajor from Business Managementto Marketing. He openly admittsthat one of the main reasons helikes role-playing is because he can‘screw around’ with people’s headswhile in character and rattle theircages.

There was a bit of a scandalinvolving Vince a while back whichthreatened his scholoarship—something to do with photographs.

dougTANDY

pat ‘lanky’GROGAN

John Lee attended BSU for a while butdropped out because he couldn’t decide on amajor. He managed to keep his Student I.D.,however so he can still use the campus facili-ties. He considers himself a ‘ladies man’and only became involved with gamingbecause an old girlfriend played andintroduced him to Troy and his group.

Troy used worked at Big Big Videowhere he met Sara Felton. The two dated forawhile and John managed to lure Sara away fromthe Knights of the Dinner Table as a player andconvince her to joing Troys Boys. Later Saradiscovered she was being used, (Troy’s Boysneeded a female player for the Hackmaster Tournament)and the two split up.

Troy Watson andhis players don’treally considerthemselves a gaming

club. They simply don’t take their weekly game that seriouslyand rarely participate in local conventions or tournaments.(With the exception of an occasional HackMaster Tournamentif a cash prize is involved.)

They consider their style of play to be superior to those ofmost other groups and have little interest in socializing orhaving contact with other gamers who they consider, “weird”.It is for this reason they are largely invisible from the point of

view of Muncie’s gaming community. They jokingly refer to themselves as the “Bottom Feeders”

because during freshman year they pledged several fraternitiesbut, with the exception of Troy, were never initiated.

TROY’S BOYSa.k.a. “THE BOTTOM FEEDERS”

Troy became something of acelebrity when he hosted a talkshow on BSU’s campus radiostation. In Troy’s own words he’s‘not a gamer.’ He refuses to sit inas a player and enjoys GMingbecause it’s the only creativeoutlet he can find time for with

his extremely heavy course load. As a GM he’s fairly easy going.Troy is studying Finance and Media Relations. He’s also active in the

Student Board and Indiana Young Republicans.

troy quincyWATSON

vincentDWYER

johnLEE

codyWINKLE

Cody Winkle is a ‘floater’, one of many HackMaster players in Muncie who just can’t seem to find agroup where he fits in. Even the Black Hands (who are known for taking those ‘black sheep’ players noone else will have) will have him. He played with the Black Hands for a short time before being giventhe “big boot” by Weird Pete. (Describing Cody, Weird Pete once said, “Despite the facts staring him rightin the face he thinks very highly of himself -- I find that annoying”)

Cody is active in community theatre and writes a movie review column for the college newspapercalled “As I Saw It...” Except for a few favorable reviews for his portrayal of Fagin in the stage produc-tion of Oliver his acting career has been less than remarkable (though to listen to him you would thinkotherwise). Cody is a huge role-playing fan and likes to combine his acting skills with the game.

Despite his acting career, most gamers know of him because of a rather bizarre event which happenedat HackCon ‘98. Cody was found bound and gagged in a dumpster behind the Con site. It is suspectedhe was the victim of a form of gamer-style justice called “Taking Out the Trash”. Cody refused toidentify his attackers and has largely dropped out of sight - occasionally popping up to fill in an emptyseat. He’s listed on the Gamer Temp Corps database.

loganFOREMAX

Eight year old Timmy Jackson is Gary’syoungest son. He is also the newly installedchief developer for the SpaceHack sci-firoleplaying game. He had been responsible fordevelopment on the superhero frp Heroes andZeroes, but was reassigned due to a rash ofcomplaints following the release of H&Z’s Background Tool Chest supple-ment. Gary, uncharacteristically emotional, felt terrible about this and haspromised to make it up to Timmy by bringing his favorite TV hero, Xena theWarrior Princess, to the next HackCon.

timmyJACKSON

sheilaHOROWITZ

whiteyMORAN

THE DORMTROOPERSThe Dorm Troopers was originally

a splinter-group of the Knights of theDinner Table who broke off to formtheir own table.The D.T.’s are highly competitive

though in recent months they havesuffered from a drop off in member-ship.

Whitey was once a member of Knights of theDinner Table. He left shortly after Brian VanHoosehung up the GM Screen because he didn’t like B.A.Felton’s style of play. After drifting from group togroup for a few years he founded the DormTroopers and lured Grover Grundig, Bob Herzogand Brian VanHoose away from the Knights to joinhis club.

Although Bob and Brian eventually drifted backto B.A.’s table, Sheila and Grover stayed on. Whitey has been censured by the H.M.P.A. onfour separate occasions, losing his GM-creden-tials twice. He has a reputation for being laxwhen it comes to the rules and too easy on hisplayers.

Grover “Da Crit Man” Grundig isperhaps best known for having runthe longest-running character inDelaware County (Iron FaceWillie.) When Willie was finally killed the

entire gaming community wasshaken with the news.Grover dropped out of gaming for

a short time after causing theDorm Troopers to be disqualifiedfrom last year’s HackMasterTourney.

Sheila was introduced to role-playing by Dave Bozwell who dated herfor a short time. During the relationship, she frequently played with theKnights of the Dinner Table but was never allowed to officially join.(At the time the group had a “No Girls” policy) The relationshipcooled after Sheila and B.A. got into a fist fight in his front yard. (B.A.accused her of cheating). Sheila eventually hooked up with the DormTroopers. She’s generally accepted as one of the guys when it comes togaming. Sheila stirred up a bit of trouble a few years ago when she triedto run a male character in a regional HackMaster Tournament atGaming Dick’s Game Emporium. When Gaming Dick refused toallow her to enter the tournament she lodged a complaint with theH.M.P.A.Her case brought about changes to the Tournament Rules anddepending on your position, made her either a hero or a villian.

groverGRUNDIG

Earl Slackmozer isregarded as a kind of‘local celebrity.’ Besidesrunning Tournament

level HackMaster events at GaryCon and various localHackCons, he freelanced for HardEight Enterprisesfor several years with four published adventures underhis belt (including the highly acclaimed Module G-7:Gnome Uprising). He moved to Muncie, Indiana after

transferring to Ball State from Saginaw Tech. He immediately started a gaming group (Slacker’s Hackers)and began recruiting players (who were required to take his HackMaster Basic Knowledge and Experiencetest.) He and B.A. Felton butted heads several times but it appears they have learned to tolerate eachother. There is now a begrudging respect between them.His home-brewed live-action SlamMaster Professional Wrestling event, “Royal House Rumble” (Held

annually by invitation only) continues to grow in popularity. Earl is currently writing up the rules andseeking a publisher.

earl juliusSLACKMOZER

Switch earned his nickname during thegreat heyday of Farm Implement theft ringswhich were rampant in America’s heartlandduring the mid 80’s.

His speciality was ‘switching’ serialnumbers on combines and thrashers beforethey were loaded onto flatbed trailersdestined (eventually) for the Ukraine wherethey were in hot demand.Eventually a Department of Agriculture

special task force got wind of such doingsand threw out its nets. Unfortunately forSwitch he was quickly ensared. When theFeds had enough “dirt” [literally ANDfiguratively] on Switch they tightened theirnoose and convinced him to “squeal”.Once he started it was hard to shut him up.

To avoid prosecution, Switch became anall too willing informant. He did his jobwell and with great zeal.

Most of his former partners in crimewent to prison. (Including Crutch, who tothis day isn’t aware that Switch sold him out.)These days, Switch is just another petty-

thug operating beneath the radar (for themost part) of the local police. He managesto work just enough ‘jobs’ to keep himselfin ‘walking around money’.Switch has a weakness for gambling in all

its forms — be itcock fighting, dogracing, horses, craps,slots, bear baiting, orhis favorite - PennyPachinko.

This means he’susually broke.

martin ‘switch’WUJCIK

Colonel Prowler (also known as “Full Bird”) is B.A. Felton’s cat. Prowler’s ferocity andpropensity to attack without warning has earned him a great deal of fear and respect fromthose around him.

Anyone who visits the Felton household is wise to heed the advice, “Best to give him(Prowler) a wide berth.”

It is rumored that Prowler was once a loveable, even affectionate pet but after siringhundreds of litters in the neighborhood, B.A. was court-ordered to have him neutered. Itis this event which is believed to have caused Prowler’s sudden change of temperment. Thefifty pound cat has been blamed for the strange disapearances of several neighborhooddogs (including a Great Dane named Mouther) but no direct proof has ever beenpresented to support this.

He has a fondness for dice, metal figures and many other items which, once claimed ashis own, are tucked away in his bedding in the corner of the laundry room. It is believedhundreds of ‘lost’ dice are among his horde.

Pappy Felton is B.A.’s 83- year-old grandfather. He servedproudly as a ‘Fighting Sea Bee’during World War II.

His unit was involved withbuilding airstrips, following theMarines as they island-hoppedacross the South Pacific.

No one knows the full story,but apparently Pappy was leftbehind on Tulagi when theJapanese re-occupied the islandfor a short period. Alone forweeks, he eluded his would-becaptors. Later, after beingrescued, he was sent back to the‘States a hero.

After the war Pappy started achain of dry-cleaning businessesin Muncie which he turned overto his son upon retirement.

Pappy now lives in KissimeeFlorida but returns homefrequently to visit his kids andgrandchildren. It’s said he packsa ‘mean’ right punch.

morey “pappy”FELTON

bridgetKEATING

Not much isknown aboutthis mysteriousfigure. Manygamers knowher by sighteven thoughthey’ve neveractually mether.

Bridget wasintroduced to gaming initially through Spell-Jacked by an ex-boyfriend. She later becameenthralled with live-action gaming such as“Vampyre: Lords of Darkness.”Her costumes have made her an icon. “Didyou see what Bridget was wearing?” isfrequently heard at any con she is attending.

Ty Ferfel is the driving force behind the Gamer Temp Corps. He came up with the idea whena campaign he was playing in was wrecked because several regular players dropped out with littlenotice. Ty and his friends volunteered to fill the occasional ‘empty chair’ for GameMasters whofound themselves in a similar situation. Ty even managed to talk Weird Pete into becoming asponsor for the program after the local chapter of the HackMasters Players’ Association refused

to endorse the Gamer Temp Corps. Ty, who happens to be a nephew of Nitro Fergueson, was once a Black Hand but wasdrummed out after a physical altercation with Stevil van Hostle. (Had he agreed to wear the ‘hubcap of shame’ as punish-ment he could have stayed.)

tyroneFERFEL

crutchs shutdown special

Documents