A support program for

grieving children, Teens, &

the people who love them.

Our mission is to provide safe and nurturing peer support programming for children, preschool–18, and their families who have experienced the death of a loved one.

Tides provides a non-judgmental and healing atmosphere where families learn they are not alone in their grief and can express their thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Raising awareness of the needs of grieving children in our schools and surrounding communities is also key to the Tides program initiatives.

Our core purpose is to assist grieving children and teens as they rediscover hope and meaning in their lives.

• • •

In this issue:Kids give back

Adult Sibling Loss group added

HVGT save the date!

NEWSLETTER VOL. 6 | December 2015

CURRENT CONNECTIONS

www.tidesprogram.org

Children’s Grief Awareness Day

Thursday, November 19th was Children’s Grief Awareness Day throughout the country. The hope of this day is to bring awareness to the needs of

grieving children and teens and to let them know they are not alone. Over the last 5 years, students from Penn State’s Recreation, Park, and Tourism Management (RPTM) program have planned a special event on this day to honor our families. This year’s theme was Harvesting Memories. Families sat together and tied no sew blankets, made ornaments and memory jars, took silly pictures and put their handprints on the Tree of Life mural. What made the night so special was the time our families had together. Old memories were shared, and new memories made. The candlelight service at the end of the evening was very moving. Tears were shed and loved ones were remembered. Thank you Penn State RPTM students for caring about our families and for giving them a night to remember.

Message from the Director:

Our mission is to help others following the loss of a loved one. This past year, three of our very own children decided to help Tides by raising funds for our program through various fundraising endeavors. Audra (age 12) and Emma

(age 7) asked that donations be made to Tides in honor of their loved ones for their birthdays and Skylar (age 12) requested that her middle school student council donate the profits of their Valentine’s Day dance to Tides. Nothing could be more humbling for our volunteers and our program to see this giving come full circle. Thank you to Audra, Skylar and Emma for your generosity and compassion. We are grateful!

Every day grief and loss touches us locally, nationally or globally. It hits us personally and professionally. It affects us physically, emotionally, socially, cognitively, behaviorally and spiritually. It is overwhelming and it is scary. There is so much grief at times that I don’t know how millions of us face the world on a daily basis.

It is almost uncanny that when I’m wallowing in those moments of heaviness my phone rings and I am met with someone seeking support from Tides, gathering information to help support someone else, or looking to help Tides carry out its mission. There is kindness and a reminder that yes, bad things do happen but goodness does exist.

As I reflect back over the past year, two things that stand out above everything is: our growth and giving back. Having 100 people standing in closing circle at the end of a Tides night is a beautiful thing to witness. In one way, our hearts are sad that there are so many children, teens and adults out there grieving the death of a loved one, yet on the other hand grateful they are seeking support through the Tides program.

Secondly, I often hear from people that they are concerned about placing our world’s future in the hands of today’s youth. Read on and you will have renewed confidence that we have nothing to be worried about. It reminds me of a line from one of my favorite movies of all time, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, “And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch’s small heart grew 3 sizes that day.”

I hope your heart is inspired by the stories we have shared and has room to consider offering a gift to Tides so that we may continue to help those who have the courage to seek support from us.

Happy New Year

I chose to be Tides volunteer—more like become a Tides family member —because I felt I needed to give back. I was 13 and in 7th grade when my father passed away after an unfortunate and untimely accident in 2012. Tides helped me realize that I wasn’t alone in my journey through grief from death that we all at one point in our lives must inevitably face. It was a dark time in my life, but the help and wonderful support of the other members in my Tides group, and the facilitators, helped make it easier. At Tides, you are surrounded by people that truly understand what you are going through, and everyone is very supportive. I really enjoyed making connections with people and being able to relate to them. I’m now in 11th grade and have one year until I go off to college. I plan to major in Psychology, because of the tremendous support

my Tides family has given me. One facilitator, Zack, has really stood out to me. He has inspired and influenced me in a positive way. Zack was my teen facilitator who showed me that there is always a way to take a not so great situation, and look at it from other angles and make it positive. We also connected musically and he has inspired me to continue to be a better musician. Zack has helped me realize that I want to help people when I’m older. I want to pay it forward and be this role model for someone else….THAT is the biggest reason why I am a volunteer at Tides, to give as I was given to.

Tides Teen transitions into volunteer

Our Tides families learn the gift of giving by putting together boxes for the Jared Box Project and for making banners for Spin for Susie and others battling cancer. We remember you.

Audra SkylarEmma

Nick

Grateful Hearts

SIBLING LOSS

In our work with grieving families, we have learned that each loss has its own special needs and challenges. This is true for sibling loss. When an individual loses a brother or sister, their needs are often overlooked as attention is focused on the grieving parents or the sibling’s children. Our hope at Tides is to validate and support those who have experienced the death of a brother or sister. This fall Tides has expanded to include adult sibling loss. (If you or someone you know would benefit from support following the loss of a sibling, please have them contact Tides).

Life can change in a blink of an eye. The day my father called to tell me Jana died by suicide, my life forever changed. Growing up, my big sister was my best friend, my worst enemy, my partner in crime, my confidant, and everything in between. There isn’t a childhood memory where she didn’t play a role.

I felt every emotion – anger, love, sadness, peace with knowing that she was finally happy, and grief. Could I have done something different? What if I would have

called her earlier that day? After this initial shock, my immediate reaction was to help my parents. I put on a mask and tried to remain strong. I helped with funeral arrangements, cleaned out her apartment and tried to offer support to my parents. I kept this charade going for as long as I could.

After a while, I was left with a new challenge. The focus had always been on Jana. However, after she passed, my parents turned their energy to me. It was nice to have their support, but I had to learn how to live in the ‘spotlight.’

Losing someone is never easy. Each person we lose, we grieve for and that grieving process never really ends. However, we find ways to move forward and I have found ways to remember. I began a foundation in Jana’s memory to empower and support teens and families with educational programs.

I am thankful for my time with my sister and saddened by all that she will miss out on. And I will never forget or stop loving her.

Marisa VicerePresident, Jana Marie Foundationwww.janamariefoundation.org

www.tidesprogram.org

DONATE NOW:

SAVE THE DATE Saturday, April 2 | 7pm

One show only!

AUDITIONS AT INDIGO February 27 & 28

Age Goups: Future Fame (10-14), Rising Stars (15-20), Prime Time (21+)

www.tidesprogram.org

$25 pays for 2 children (dinner and crafts) for 1 night at Tides.

$50 pays for teen group for 1 night at Tides.

$100 provides support to 4 families for 1 night at Tides.

$350 pays for dinner and supplies for all of our Tides families and volunteers for 1 night.

$500 provides Tides night programming for one family for one year.

$1,000 helps us to provide a special event for all of our Tides families.

$5,000 would pay for dinner, crafts, and supplies for all Tides families for one programming year.

Like Us!/TidesProgram

6TH ANNUAL

VolunteersEvelyn is one of our Tides’ founders. Over the last 12 years, she has greatly embraced her work with our youngest children. She is energetic, spirited, and fun. When Evelyn comes to Tides she is dressed the part and ready to play!

Evelyn was honored at the Rose Cologne Volunteer of the Year Dinner on Wednesday, April 22, 2015. Please join us in congratulating her for her dedication and fun she brings to Tides.

GIVING OF THEMSELVES: We would like to thank all of our Tides volunteers for the time and dedication they give to our families and the Tides program. Because of you, Tides exists. Thank you for listening well. loving well, and providing the gift of presence.

Evelyn

WAVES OF CARING

Please support the grieving children, teens, and families we serve…

Jana Marie Vicere

Thank you to everyone who participated in our 2nd Annual Grief Matters seminar. Special thanks to our presenters: Evelyn Wald, Katie Kostohryz, Jackie Naginey Hook, Kristin Sides, Shanon Quick, Kristina Fenton, and Elaine B. Berrena. A heartfelt appreciation and thank you to our Tides panel: Sally Best, Mike Berrena, Kathi Crean, Jan Filiaggi, Al Vicere and to South Hills School of Business & Technology!

Lastly, thank you to our business sponsors and individual donors who supported Tides and the families we served this past year.

BOARD OF DIRECTORS:

PO Box 1251 State College, PA 16804

Phone: 814.692.2233

Tides™ Making Positive Waves in Our Community

Charlie BiddleMandy DrollPhil DubrowLeslie FintonSteve Hurvitz

Jeanne KnouseR. Clair MillerKim NeelyTerry PowersMolly Snavely

Find us on Facebookwww.facebook.com/

TidesProgram We could not be happier about partnering with the Performing Arts School of Central PA for the next two years. They also offered Nutcracker tickets to our families. Beginning in the new year, they will be collecting wish list items to afford Tides the increasing costs of running the Tides program. We are grateful for their generosity and appreciate them giving back to our community.

Thank You

PROGRAM SPONSORS: The Bestwick Foundation, Koch Funeral Home, Penn State Golf Course, Penn State Men’s Basketball Team, Penn State RPTM and their sponsors, South Hills Business School, Sue Q. Port, Texas Roadhouse, University Baptist and Brethren Church Alternative Christmas, Ye Old College Diner

DONATIONS/GRANTS: 100 Women Who Care, Robert T. Ott Seed Grant, David B Garver Fund through the Bellefonte Elks (CCCHS), CCHS, Centre County United Way, The Moyer Foundation, Jana Marie Foundation, Moyer Foundation, Therapy Dogs International, Walmart Community Grants Team

Moose

T welve years ago I lost the most precious thing I knew—my mom. I was 14 when she was officially

diagnosed with lymphoma and by then it had already spread. She fought bravely for two years, and at the age of 16 I was too naive and selfish to fully understand that she was dying. I’d help my father take care of her when she could no longer take care of herself, driving her to appointments and during months of hospice care when she could no longer speak or respond.

I was 16 when I lost her and I was lost, too. I was not given any sort of support from school, nor was any type of counseling offered to me. I leaned on my best friend Joey, the one person who knew me and every dark skeleton in my closet. He was there for me no matter how dark my days got, no questions asked. Then, three years later I lost Joey. It was a late afternoon and I received a message I prayed I would never receive. Joey was killed in action. I had not talked to him before his last military deployment as we usually did. This death it dug the knife that was already plunged into my heart even deeper. Just when you think it cannot get worse, a close friend of mine and Joey’s

completed suicide a few days after Joey’s death. I fell deeper into the darkness, but not even my family or close friends could see my pain. If they had known they would not have been able to understand.

I have been surrounded by death since I was 16 and I’ve never dealt with it well. I’ve gone to a funeral every year since my mother’s passing, either for friends or relatives. I’ve never felt that I could talk to anyone about death who would fully understand where I was coming from. It took me years to pull myself out of the darkness, even though there are days that it wants to pull me back in. I was never offered or felt like I had a great support system in my corner. I have felt alone and had to deal with grief on my own.

When I found out about Tides I was ecstatic! I thought it would be great to volunteer and to be there for those who just need an ear to simply listen to them. I didn’t fully understand what I was joining until the first meeting. I was speechless. I felt sad that I was never given an opportunity to be part of something similar to this when I was young. Yet, I felt thankful that there are programs like Tides out there.

In my three years at Tides, all I can say is I am so grateful to have been a part of this organiza-tion. I was a volunteer in the teen group and I have no words to describe my feelings for them. I have gained friends and I have gained support. There have been challenges, too. I lost a cousin and my stepmom while being a volunteer at Tides. Some days I questioned whether I should attend a meeting—would I be any help to those who are attending, or would I be a hindrance? What I have learned is No— I don’t think I was ever a hindrance. I’ve learned just a smile or a simple hug can make a difference in someone’s day.

It does not matter what is going on in my life on a Tides meeting night, I come out feeling inspired, hopeful, and grateful for these amazing, brave people who have opened their souls to one another. Tides has taught me that being vulnerable can sometimes be the best remedy. It can be liberating to be able to talk freely with no judgment. It’s difficult to put into words how important Tides has been for me. But I am grateful for the strength and wisdom my Tides family has given me. Tides has changed my life.

Elizabeth Rupert

Tides volunteer, who recently relocated shared what Tides meant to her.