L

Featuring special guest star, Half Naked Harry Potter....

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

“When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.” -Abraham Lincoln

...see Witches n Such on back

AILYOnce this statement hit the internet and Facebook, students across campus

qu ic k l y be -came divided. One interview-ee, Cody Mari-no, was simply beside himself w i th joy, “ I freaking LOVE Harry Potter!” w a s a l l h e could manage before going on a long and endless stream of reasons why he loves Potter. On the other end o f t he spectrum are such people who are now whining and asking, “When is Edward go-ing to come here? There’s

enough sun that he’ll still sparkle and be all pretty!” They were quickly transport-ed off campus and to a rehabilitation clinic for the mentally ill. Records have indicated that Cullen would not have the

DExtensive reporting has turned up that Harry Potter is going to enroll at Michigan Tech as an un-dergrad in the fall of 2011. Ru-mors had been heard that af-ter a nasty in-cident with a Chimaera, he has decided to take a break from it all and enter the magi-cal world that is engineering. When The Bull q u e s t i o n e d the admin of-fice, the only response was “Well, we cur-rently have Mr. Potter with a declared dou-ble major in chemical and electrical engi-neering. We’re not sure why, he appar-ently did poorly at his closest chemistry class at his previous school, and we’re almost certain he just likes electricity because it coordinates with his scar.”

The Daily Bull is probably not suitable for those under age 18 and should not be taken seriously... like NC-17.

BULBy Olivia Zajac ~ Daily Bull

I was very much prepared, before leaving India for the US, to face any kind of shock- culture, academic, or food, etc. However, there was one dangerous shock which no one told me to get prepared for. So, after en-couragement from friends, I walked into the swimming pool for the first time ever in my life. They told me that I could swim like any other professional swimmer but to make sure I have a lifejacket on. So, we put our bags in the lockers, and changed clothes.

I had to put my glasses in the locker, thus I couldn’t see things very clearly. We walked towards the shower area. As we were approach-ing there, I saw a guy, strong built, and athletic physique, taking a shower but NA-KED. Yes, this was the first time I ever encountered a Penis-Shock or P-shock. My friends (not naked), who had been regular swimmers, were casual about it as if it

Penis Shock

Harry Potter Comes to Houghton! The Steaming Pile

MegamilkBanana hammocks

His swimming pool of our moneyDiversity

New drugsAnti freeze is not alcoholRats with dicks THIS BIG

Lego castlesJeggings

Got wood?Dr. Pepper < Dr. Jaszczak

High heels in the snowBeef Tips

Wads special dinnerWhere to build an extraneous

new buildingWhat parking spaces to remove

WeedAlcohol-free Winter Carnival

Herding snow cowsSnow tax

The educational value of Poke-mon

Straight From You-Know-Where!What Glenn Mroz blogs about

Carl H.A. DassbachRadioactive safety policyInvading the Keweenaw

Deez NutsHow much he hates broomball

How tasty the albino squirrel wasEERC tree campfire

Dr.Mroz Sing-Along Blog Dr. Pepper

His workout routineRaising the lift bridge and seceding

from the U.S.Teletubbies

The Blood of the Innocent WineHookers and Blow-up dolls

Women’s Rights (jk)Sex Change Operation

Dear huntingVagina Tandoori

Harry Potter fanficSo many hats, so little time

Ensuring Broken MEEM PrintersStudio Pizza

...see Phallus on back

By Jodhbir Singh ~ Daily Bull

If this doesnt attract the ladies, what will? I mean besides Edward Cullen and the men-

tally ill ladies.

Sunshine’s Searcher: Fallout 3

Brought to you by Jeremy ‘Mr. Sunshine’ Loucks

... Witches n Such from front.

EDITOR IN CHIEF ROCKET GRUNT

FACULTYADVISOR

Liz Fujita Yellow Label

Liz Fujita, Jeremy “Mr. Sunshine” Loucks, Simon Mused, Jon “Big-O” Mahan, Alec Hamer, John Pastore, Matt Villa, Mary Kennedy, Ruben Garcia, Benjamin Loucks, Stephen Whittaker, Sam Schall, Frank McGuire, Bryne Judy, Jeremy Moore, Bill Melcher, Kyle Roe, Cameron Long, Olivia Zajac, Jodhbir Singh, John Earnest, Nathan “Invincible” Miller, and a delicious sammich.©2010 by the Daily Bull, a non-profit organization. All rights reserved. Articles may be freely distributed electronically or on late night talk shows provided credit is given, and that this notice is included. The Daily Bull reserves the right to refuse any advertisements or guest articles without reason. All opinionated letters sent to the editor (on paper or to bull@mtu.edu) will be treated as material to be published unless expressly stated otherwise by the sender. Original works printed in the Daily Bull remain the property of the creator, however the Daily Bull reserves the right to reprint any submissions in future issues unless specifically asked not to do so by the creator. If you keep reading this small text, you’ll die from lead poisoning.

Jon “Big O” Mahan

MONOPOLY GUY

David !@#$% Olson

The Daily Bull would like to thank the Daily Bull for buying our own damn printer that this publication is printed on. We would also like to thank the Stu-dent Activity Fee for helping to pay for our paper and toner costs.

Daily Bull

Advertising inquiries, questions & comments should be directed to

bull@mtu.edu

Alec Hamer

BREAD WINNER

Simon Mused

SCRIBEStephen Whittaker

grades to stay enrolled at the University.

Potter will be living at an undisclosed location off campus, and will be keep-ing his beloved broomstick under lock and key. One could only imagine how epic of a broomball stick that Firebolt would become. He will be allowed to use his magical abilities after 5pm on campus and off campus. The hockey team is already setting up a petition to get him to enchant their net to not al-low any goals in, so they have a chance at a decent season for next year. He is also being asked by every male on

ALIENSOperation: ANCHORAGE

ANTSAREFUARMOR

BEHEMOTHBETHESDABIG TOWN

BOBBLEHEADSBOBBY PINS

BROTHERHOOD OF STEELCANTURBURY COMMONS

CHEMSCHINESE military

CITADELDEATHCLAWDOGMEATENCLAVEFALLOUTFAT MAN

FERALFOLLOWER

GALAXY NEWS RADIOGHOUL

GREYDITCHHOLOTAPE

HUNTING RIFLEJEFFERSON MEMORIAL

KARMALITTLE LAMPLIGHT

LOCKPICKMEGATON

METROMIRELURKMOLE RAT

NUKA-COLAOASIS

OUTCASTSPARADISE FALLS

PERKSPIP-BOY

POINT LOOKOUTPOTOMAC

PROTECTRONQUESTS

RADAWAYRADIATIONRADROACH

RADSCORPIONRAIDER

RAVEN ROCKREPAIR

RIVET CITYSCAVENGERSCHEMATICS

SCIENCESKILL BOOK

SLAVERSMALL GUNS

SNEAKSTIMPAK

SUPER MUTANTTALON COMPANYTENPENNY TOWER

THE FAMILYTHE PITTTRAPS

TRIBALSUNDERWORLD

V.A.T.S.VAULT

WASHINGTON, DCWASTELANDER

YAO GUAI

campus to stay enrolled as long as he can, since he is thought to attract the ladies.

There was a short statement from Pot-ter himself about why he has chosen Michigan Tech out of any school in the Muggle world: “Well, simply put, I’ve heard wonderful things about the school. Students seem to be happy and go on adventures every weekend in the snow, and sometimes they don’t remember what it was they did! That is some strong magic at work to make large groups of students not remember what they themselves did, but can recall in great detail what their friends did. I’m assuming the University offers a class in this type of enchantments, and it surely seems that most of these stories circulate from the labs of the chemical engineering students, as well

was cool to be naked among others. But my eyes were wide open and my mouth agape in amazement.

I digested the whole situation and diverted my attention towards the shampoo. An old man walked in on the other side of the same shower pole where I was taking shower. I knew there was more to see on that day. It was obvious from his stuff, hanging heavy close to the ground, that he was a Vietnam veteran, who had fought the war 5 times.

However, the main point of this article is not to tell you an embarrassing story of mine but to show the differences in openness of different cultures. Back home in India, I am sure we are never going to take our pants off in front of each other, even in near the future of 2511.

Interestingly, while I was swimming (or trying not to drown) a thought came to my mind. If it is freaking open on this side of the changing room, then it should be open on the other side of it. After all, Michigan Tech is an equal

opportunity provider university. How-ever, I have yet to see my first V- shock and B-shock – for which I feel I am quite prepared now.

... Phallus from front.

as their professors. And what could be more magical than trying to understand the magic that is behind electricity. It still baffles me that it was a Muggle who discovered such a source of power.”

Needless to say, Potter, who was Mug-gle-raised, has spent too much time in his wizard-ing world, and is in for quite an awakening when he tries to understand the “magic” be-hind the black-outs. He has already signed a contract say-ing that he is not allowed his wand when he

does go out to parties. “We just don’t want to clean up the mess,” the Uni-versity responded.

So get ready Tech, for the most famous student that will grace these halls. Get ready to kill his liver and brain cells, and revel in the joy of Harry Potter.

The signt that greeted Harry on his first day of class.